Paper Lanterns

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

Author's Note If you're interested in warnings and such, go read the giant ass disclaimer at the beginning of Part I. If you're reading this, that means at least one of two things: (a) that you liked the story enough to keep reading to make me feel fuzzy or (b) you just really like my inane sense of idiocy (humour) and are looking for a chuckle or two at my expense. Damn hippies…. Wait… that would be… *points to self* O.o

On a complete other note, I have happy news and crappy news. (Wow, a rhyme—move over Yeats!) The happy news is that I got my baby back. The crappy news is that they had to wipe my hard drive—which includes my fanfiction. But never fear! I at least had sense enough to back up at least half of my current big ass story on a floppy, so about 73 pages of it are saved! Though I'm still a little depressed over losing a good portion of my story, I think I'll rewrite the rest of my big project and it will be better than before. And no, it won't be like that Zelda sequel I keep saying I'm going to write (which I might add, got wiped out yet again). I'm actually going to do it! I swear! And after all, I run, I hide, but I never lie! …Well, I try…. ^___^;

O^^^O

Part II

Devil's Street

L2 was the only colony in the entire Earth Sphere Alliance I had never graced with my presence before. I felt a little guilty that I had never addressed L2's obvious dire state of need when I finally stepped off that shuttle into the grimy terminal. L2 was mostly a blue-collar working colony where many things were manufactured for the rest of the colonies. And though some parts of L2 were supposed to be quite nice, many parts decent, there were still those horrible slums and poverty stricken street corners that asked for nothing more than a little love at the bare minimum. I expected a place like this to be the haven of that Duo Maxwell.

I surveyed the spaceport I was now standing in. It was a very plain vintage structure with iron supports and beams wrought with round circles and curls. The ceiling was made of a dull musty glass iron rimmed windows that were hazed over with pollution and age, giving the place the look of an old Victorian train station from the pre-colonial days. There was a lot of graffiti sprayed all over the place, proclaiming messages everywhere from inspirational to desperate to outright crude. I tried to phase it all into the back of my mind, telling myself that I would worry about L2's needs at a later date, and that I was here to focus solely on what was currently on my mind: Heero.

[And I don't hear you anymore,

And I can't see you on the floor.]

I stepped outside of the terminal and found myself standing on a wide road scattered with taxies, mopeds and motorcycles in addition to many other modes of transportation, right in the heart of the industrial colony. Two shallow metal ruts ran through the dirty asphalt beneath a rigging of metal electrical wires for a public cable car. More than unsure of where to go or how to even begin to look for Heero, I waited for the cable car and climbed on board when it finally came. Dropping a few credits into the change machine beside the operators control panel, I shuffled back to an empty bench and sat, staring indifferently out the drab windows at the dark colony as the cable car began to slowly pull away from the spaceport. I had no idea where I wanted to go and contented myself to just ride about on the cable car, waiting for some heavenly sign as to where I should get off.

The urban sprawl that rushed past the cable car was probably one of the most distressing things I ever had to see. Still in the inner city, apparently a poorer section of the colony, I saw street folk and beggars on nearly every sidewalk, graffiti and rubbish everywhere I looked. There were the higher end sort of people too, walking down the street and trying hard to act as if they were the only people in the world. I watched one man snootily walk with a brusque step like there were no shoeless children playing with broken glass on the doorstep he had just swept by. It made me feel so helpless that even after so much fighting, there was still hell to clean up. And as I mentioned, though L2 never had the most well to do history, I had always liked to think that all our hard work had paid off for something. Now I realized there was so much more than just attaining peace for a perfect world. Peace was just something that started out the road. There were still those who had to build new homes and lives from what little they already had. Dreams could only do so much and went so far….

[It's like a nightmare come to real life,

But don't be frightened of the light.]

After a while, watching the helpless destitution that rolled by outside my window became too much for me and I turned away to examine the inside of the car. There weren't many other people in the car with me. I was assuming that public transportation, despite its cheap fares, was even too expensive for most of these inner city street urchins. Behind me, curled up in the corner of the last bench, was a poor old man sitting beside a large wicker basket that contained what I figured were his belongings. His woolen hat was worn and had many holes and patches, his corduroy jacket in disarray and his jeans frayed and torn beyond repair. He looked like he was sleeping and it seemed as if he had been like that for quite some time. Two rows ahead sat a heavy set middle aged woman with broad shoulders and large breasts. A small child sat on her knee, another beside her, their faces smudged with a little dirt. At her feet was a brown paper bag filled with groceries for the week. A businessman with a briefcase sat as far up front in the car as possible, right behind the operator, waiting eagerly for his stop. My heart felt a stab of remorse for them, wishing there were something I could do to better their lives. I knew L2 had never had a brilliant history, but I could only imagine what both wars had done to its population and economy.

Growing tired of the tedium of waiting around on the cable car, I reached up and tugged the cord that hung over the window. A faint dinging noise filled the car and it soon slowed at the next street corner. As I walked towards the front of the bus, I dropped a few spare credits beside the woman with the two children, feeling sympathy for the overworked and tired family. Exiting the car, I found myself standing in a better part of town. There was still a little graffiti here and there, and I still felt the ambiance of jazz and liqueur in the air, however it seemed that I had stumbled more on the outskirts of the city where a higher class of people operated in their day-to-day lives. I wondered for a brief moment if this was the kind of place Duo Maxwell would live. I wondered what Duo Maxwell did when he didn't have a war to hide behind, when he was just Duo Maxwell, without Heero, the war or anything. I couldn't tell you what spurred those musings. It angered me slightly to think of him. I should have been thinking of Heero, not that horrible little street punk.

[And all the days you pushed around.

And all the times you lied to yourself.]

I spent another credit and a half on a bottle of water in a small shop that was situated a little further up the street. When I came out of the store, the colony's weather system had already begun to fall into night mode, the bright solar simulation fading into a dusky grey-violet hue, iron worked street lamps painting the opaque city with a soft yellow blush, like the twinkling of thousands of fireflies. Sucking on the plastic opening at the top of my bottle, I watched the skies slowly grow a shade darker, totally unwary of the streets around me. I guess after all that daydreaming, I sort of deserved nearly being knocked off my feet by a speeding bicyclist racing down the sidewalk towards me.

There was the sound of squealing breaks and tires as I jumped out of the way, managing to spill a third of my water on my white slacks. The cyclist flew over the handlebars and landed on her hands and knees. I could see bruises and scraps forming on her palms and shins as she stood up again and I can say it was very fortunate that she was wearing a helmet or else the results might have been grisly. Gripping my chest, heart pounding like there was no tomorrow in my ribcage, I let out a heavy gasp as I watched the biker upright her fallen vehicle and dust it off. Leaning the black bike on a nearby street sign, she turned around to face me, staring at me wide-eyed. "Are you okay?" she asked in a concerned voice as she reached to unbuckle her yellow helmet.

"Yes," I said, gathering my dignity. "I'm glad you weren't hurt. I shouldn't have been standing in the middle of the sidewalk that way. My apologies."

"Well I shouldn't have been whipping down the road like that. I'm the one who should be…." She trailed off, squinting at me as she finally removed her helmet. Then her eyes widened with recognition as she exclaimed, "Oh it really is you! Miss Relena! Fancy meeting you here of all places!"

"I'm sorry, who are...?" It was my turn to trail off, for then I recognized her. I had only seen her once or twice in my entire life, and I don't recall us ever having a conversation together, which is why it took me a little longer to realize who it was. And with her short hair underneath that helmet of hers, I could hardly be expected to know right away.

Hilde….

"You remember me, don't you? I'm friends with Duo Maxwell!" she said, reaching forward to shake my hand violently. "We talked real quick a couple weeks ago when that idiot was wasting away by your house, waiting for word on Heero's condition. That fool can be so thickheaded sometimes! Ha, and here I was thinking that Heero was the stubborn one, but that Duo, aw hell, he can sure be worse than a two-year old sometimes!"

I smiled at that, pleased to hear that I was not the only one who found Duo overly immature and a bit on the crazy side. "Yes, I do remember you. How are you?"

"Oh I'm good," she said happily as she buckled her helmet around her bicycle's handlebars. Rooting around in a wire basket fixed to the bike's front, she fished out a lock and chain to bind the metal frame to the street sign before turning around to face me again, a slight bounce in her step. "Well then Miss Relena, if you don't have anywhere to go, would you like to do a little shopping with me?" She gestured to the store where I had just bought the bottled water.

"Hmm? Oh of course," I smiled, following her back into the little shop. The bell over the door jangled excitedly as we entered the place. Hilde walked straight towards the back of the store where the racks of alcohol were, proceeding to scan the labels scrupulously. I stood a few steps aside from her, looking over her shoulder as her eyes flew over the different burgundy wines stored on the shelves. "What are you looking for?" I asked at long last, curious as to what she was after. "Perhaps I can help?"

"Oh that would be great," Hilde smiled, motioning for me to come closer. "Do you know a lot about wine then? 'Cause I'm no real expert—food is Duo's thing—but I said I would go out to grab a bottle. Special occasions tend to call for something nice."

"Is something unusual happening at your house tonight?" I queried as I fingered one of the bottles, realizing that I really didn't know as much about wine as I had alluded. Usually my chef took care of selecting the wines to go with dinner and it was something I was not trained in dealing with. My romantic mind began to spin out the story that was taking place at Hilde's house. I could see Duo sitting at the kitchen table, fidgeting with a wedding band as he watched the clock impatiently as he awaited Hilde's return. I could almost hear him saying to Hilde that he had something very important to tell her and that she should run out for a bottle of wine to talk over. Now the Duo in my mind's eye was pacing erratically around the room, fixing things here and there just for something to do to pass the time, making sure everything was perfect for his big night.

"Very, very special!" Hilde giggled excitedly, like a little schoolgirl. Noticing my hand, she asked, "Is that one you recommend?"

Realizing I was still touching the wine bottle, I jerked my hand back and jammed it into my pocket. "Well if it's a very special occasion, you should be willing to spend a bunch. The more expensive it is, the better it's sure to be."

"Now that's not always true, Miss Relena. You don't have to be a wine expert to know that. It's true with a lot of things," Hilde said, putting both hands on her hips. She turned back to the wine racks and went on, "See, now this is why I wish Duo were with us. That is a man who knows his tastes. That guy can go grocery shopping and come back with armloads of great tasting food for under fifty credits. It's ridiculous how that man can make a feast with anything. And he knows good cheap wine. I guess his years of living off his wiles on the streets that's taught him to know how to make the most of a buck."

"Oh yeah?" I commented idly, a sly grin teasing my lips. I'm sure she had no idea what Duo had in store for her when she returned home. "You talk about Duo a lot. He's your boyfriend? You sound so happy to be with him."

"Ha, me and that dork? You have got to be kidding!" Hilde laughed, finally settling on a bottle with a shrug and grabbing it off the shelf. The Duo who was still pacing around my imaginary version of Hilde's kitchen suddenly shattered to pieces. "Besides, even if I did have an interest in the old moron, I'd never have a chance with him. He doesn't like me that way. We're just good pals—drinking buddies, partners in business and roommates, essentially. You know, that someone you can go and bitch about your love life to. God knows I've heard enough about Duo's crush to write an essay on him."

"What? Him? You mean Duo's crush is a boy?" I exclaimed suddenly, a hot flush colouring my cheeks. There it was, the unidentifiable something that bothered me about Duo. The stupid little… little faggot had a crush on my Heero! I can only pray that he hadn't managed to brainwash Heero into accepting such a perverse concept. Suddenly, I couldn't resist it. I found my mouth moving uncontrollably, words just pouring forth. "I always knew it! I always did! He's a queer!? He's one of those disgusting abrasions of society. I can't stand the thought that he spent so much time latched onto my Heero, deluding him with wrong ideas and—and—" I stopped, shoulders heaving with the breath my rant had taken from me, noticing the absolutely appalled look on Hilde's face for the first time. My little Duo-Hilde fantasy was crushed and forgotten, like a burned fairytale storybook.

[And all the dreams we had might just….

Breakdown….]

"Oh now Miss Relena, I'm shocked!" Hilde chided, her tone reminding me of that which one would use to enforce a small child. "You shouldn't use language like that. He may have different tastes than most men, but that's no reason to hate him. He's a sweet guy and that's all that really matters! You shouldn't be bigoted against a person because he or she is different from you. That's no way for the Queen of the World to act! It's hate like that which leads to war! As an ex- soldier, I must say that I don't want to see anymore fighting in my life." She giggled and went on to add, much to my revulsion, "Besides, it's just so cute when Duo talks about his boyfriend!"

I bowed my head, defeated. "You are right, Hilde. I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk about your friend that way." I was still a little disgusted by this new revelation about the Deathscythe pilot, but I decided that feelings like that should be kept inside and not expressed for, as Hilde said, that would only lead to a disruption in the peace we all had worked so hard to attain. Besides, Hilde was my best bet to finding out where Heero had gone off to and insulting her and her pansy little friend would certainly put a stop to that plan.

After a bit more idle chatter, I decided that Duo's gift for the gab had obviously rubbed off on his roomy. I followed her through the aisles as she scanned for anything else she might want to bring home, listening to her rattle one, her words rushing in one ear and out the other. I was really just waiting for a chance to inquire about Heero when she said something that caught my attention.

"Ha, this is something I don't need Duo's help for," she was saying as she grabbed a six pack of beer from a low shelf and began heading for the cashier at the front of the little store. "Anyway, like I was saying, I left Duo and Heero by themselves back at the townhouse to fend for themselves—and that cake I left in the oven—though I'm not really sure if that was such a great idea. I mean, heaven knows what those two are up to as we speak. Probably too busy catching up with each other to pay any mind to my poor neglected dessert. All I can say is that my cake is doomed."

"Wait, what?" I jarred myself from my thoughts about Heero and refocused on the conversation at hand. "Heero is at your house?"

"Why yes," Hilde said, as if it were the most natural thing in the world as she handed the cashier the credits owed for the wine and beer. "He showed up earlier today. Rang the doorbell and came in like he had just come back home after a long time away." She laughed suddenly, gathering the plastic bag containing her alcoholic beverages in her arms and making her way for the door. "In a way, he was coming home. Yes, now that I think on it, yes he was."

[And I wonder who you love?

…Really love?]

"Home? Heero doesn't have anywhere to call his home," I said, a little indignant at this notion. "That's why I need to see him, Hilde. That's why I'm here on L2, you see. He disappeared suddenly and I was barely able to keep up with him."

"You can come along to visit tomorrow if you'd like. I'm sure it would be nice to have a get together or something. We can all reminisce," Hilde said as she unchained her bicycle once we were outside again, the sounds of the colony's nightlife beginning to fill the air. "Oh but Duo's so excited to see Heero alive and well again. You could never imagine how elated he was when I opened the door and saw him standing there. Duo had been on the stairs, waiting to see just who it was hanging on the bell out there. And lo and behold, it was Heero Yuy, panting and out of breath from running, holding a bouquet of red roses in arm, looking exactly as I remember him. I swear, he was down those stairs and practically kissing Heero in the doorway before I even had a chance to invite the poor boy in. Oh you should have seen it, Miss Relena! I just wanted to melt!"

"Why not tonight?" I wondered aloud, watching as she tucked her chain, lock and bag of drinks in the wire basket of her bike. "Heero just took off without even giving me a real reason. I was so worried about him. I want to make sure he's okay."

"You really are dedicated to that guy," Hilde said, putting a hand on each hip. "It's kind of admirable. What is it that you love so much about him?"

"Because I love his bravery and his strength." I said, a dreamy look crossing my face as I clasped my hands together over my breast.

She laughed and rapped my knuckles. "Wrong."

"Because he's very handsome," I went on, a little confused by Hilde's reaction.

"Still wrong." She batted my knuckles again, almost like she were reprimanding a little child.

"Because…." I searched for something that Hilde wouldn't reproach me for. "….He's the savior of the world."

"Still wrong!"

"He always protects me?"

"Wrong, wrong, all wrong!" She shook her head hopelessly and changed the subject. "So how'd you know to come up here?" she asked, fixing her helmet back on her head and buckling the strap under her chin. She mounted the bike and turned to face the direction she had been coming from when she nearly killed me earlier that evening. "Lucky guess?"

"He was talking about Duo before he left. I was working on a few clues," I answered, trying to sound cunning. It really wasn't so hard to figure that Heero would go looking for his queer gutter rat best friend up here. The only question would be just where that queer gutter rat was hiding out. Looks like I managed to find the mouse hole easily enough though. All that remained was to flush him out into the sewers.

"Oh, I see," she smiled warmly. "Well Relena, it's been nice seeing you. I hope you'll stop by tomorrow. But I got some drinks to get back home before those two maniacs raze my house." She pointed down the street in the direction she was heading. "If you keep walking down this way a couple blocks, you'll get to a pretty nice hotel. Hope it suits your fancy, ma'am!" She shouted a goodbye to me as she peddled off like a mad man, hanging a wild turn onto another street two blocks up.

[You know I want you too much.

You know it kills me, the thought.]

I stared down the street she had taken off down for a few minutes, just dumbly contemplating all that had just happened. Like some divine intervention, I had run into Hilde and she had told me that Heero was with her and had invited me to see him the next day. I started to think that things were beginning to turn in my favour. All that remained was to bring him back home to Earth where I could care for him for the rest of his life. He shouldn't have to live up here in this hellhole where he would have to scrap for a living. I was certain that Hilde certainly had enough money to live comfortably—this part of town was not as poverty-stricken as the inner city where the spaceport was—but Heero should not have to live in a place where he would have to work for anything. He had worked too hard in his life already and needed not to be trifled with anything else. That, at least, he deserved.

But then I remembered what he had told me before he had left that morning. I remembered him saying that he was heading home, that he could not live a life where he was catered to for all eternity. I suppose I could understand that. He was probably used to doing things for himself—that's how he had been trained to survive. But peace was not a time where anyone should have to struggle to survive. I had no concept of how anyone could want to leave everything I had offered to Heero. Sometimes, I could hardly understand the way he thought. What about my happiness!? Didn't he realize that his staying with me would make me happy? Didn't he think that I deserved to be happy too?

And then Dorothy's words came back to me. I remembered the way she had asked me if I knew anything about Heero Yuy the person, no the soldier. I realized for the first time how true her comment had been. And right then I decided that it was about time I aquatinted myself with Heero Yuy the person and taught him that I was what he needed to be free.

[I want to scream; I want to cry,

Just to save myself one last time.]

I followed her directions until I reached the street she had turned down. I chanced a look at the street sign; Michelangelo Street, the green sign read. Staring down the empty road, I could see it was no more than just another little city street, lined with friendly glowing streetlights, restaurants, shops and townhouses. There could have been no more natural and comfortable urban setting anywhere else I had ever been. I thought I could almost hear the faint brassy sound of a jazz band playing in some club along the way. Almost as if the music were drawing me down the road like a pied piper, I forgot the hotel and walked down the sidewalk, past the stairs that descended down below the sidewalk to the club from where the jazz wafted so freely into the night.

At the end of the street, I stopped, turning to look up at a townhouse just near the corner. It was a friendly brick affair with tall rectangular bay windows and a dark green front door at the top of a high front stoop, white curly-cues and flowers doodled on the wooden paneling with cream white lines of paint. A familiar black bicycle was chained to the iron railing that curled down the edge of the steps leading up to that green painted door, casually leaning there without a care in the world. Scrawled on the brick just beneath the window in blue graffiti lettering was a phrase—"Welcome to Paradise"—that had been touched up and made to look artistic with a fine mural of paint and a wild array of exotic colour. It actually made the house look kind of interesting in a bohemian sort of way, and I hated to admit that I rather liked the effect.

Looking over to the large amiably lit window just adjacent to the door, I could see Hilde just walking from the kitchen with the cake she had been talking about earlier, setting the large round pastry in the center of a table just inside. Sitting down, I watched as she poured a glass of wine and pushed it across the table to Heero, who was sitting opposite her, a very giddy looking Duo Maxwell being held in his lap, arms flung around my Heero's shoulders, wearing nothing more than a dirty pair of loose fitting grey sweatpants. Noticing the paint sprinkled on his chest and smudged on his cheeks, I realized that it must have been Duo who had painted the outside of the house so gaily. I never knew that Duo has such an artistic inclination. I could feel myself curdling with anger and annoyance as I watched that damn slut press his cheek against Heero's and nuzzle him affectionately, swinging his feet merrily beneath the table as Hilde cut the cake.

I couldn't hear any of their conversation, but from the look on Duo's face, he was indeed very happy; Hilde was grinning wide, Heero even with a small smile carved upon his face. I had never seen Heero smile like that before. Oh he had smirked at me, had given me certain knowing expressions that almost resembled looks of pity, or pulled tight-mouthed smiles when he was pleased with something I had said or done, but never had he just genuinely grinned for sharing company with him or anything of the like. I felt that emotion named envy growing a little thicker inside my veins, threatening to clog my heart, as I watched their soundless mouths move excitedly. Even Heero was contributing quite a bit to the two chatterboxes' discussion, much more than he had ever said around me. And then I felt my blood stop when Hilde said something that caused Heero to laugh. He wasn't even just merely chuckling, but outright laughing, laughing like he was happy! Not even I had gotten Heero to laugh and here that stupid girl—a friend of Duo's—had! In fact, I can't say I had ever seen him laugh so heartily before then.

[And all the days you pushed around.

And all the times you lied to yourself.]

Duo smiled adoringly at Heero and laid a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose. Heero's face flushed a bright pink colour, making my skin turn dark green with envy. Heero had never blushed around me. I didn't even know he was capable of it. I could feel that green hue blackening in my flesh as Duo tapped the corner of his mouth expectantly. As if on command, Heero bent his head slightly and kissed the indicated spot. Duo went on to stroke his neck, receiving a kiss there from Heero soon after and another upon his closed eyelids. I looked frantically around for something I could just hurl at the window to smash that repulsive scene, but found nothing. I had to settle for smashing my foot into Hilde's bike in a bout of frustration. All that won me was a slight bruise on my big toe.

[And all the dreams we had might just…

Breakdown….]

But the worst was yet to come. Still laughing, Hilde picked up her fork and rapped it lightly against her glass a couple times. And then, still chuckling, Heero lifted one hand from Duo's waist and laid it upon his hand, leaned forward and kissed him full on the mouth. It didn't seem like the kind of kiss that would come from some silly bet. The way Heero was holding Duo was just too ginger, too sweet and delicate, like Duo was the most precious thing to him in the entire world. And after pulling away, he murmured something secret into Duo's ear that was meant only for him and pulled him close once more for another kiss… a kiss that should have… would have… but never will… belong to me.

I shoved my hands into my pockets as I watched Duo twine his arms tighter around Heero's neck, my fingers toying with the now worn and dead rose petals I had stowed away earlier. The red juice of the petals was staining my flesh and the insides of my pockets and I crushed them in a mixture of ire, jealousy and hurt. And for the first time, I noticed the bouquet of flowers sitting innocently in a glass vase on the windowsill, ever so often shedding a petal or two as a light sheen of rain began to fall outside.

[And I wonder who you love?

…Really love?]

O^^^O

A/N ~ And how bad was that? This really isn't going the way I want it to. Really, it was just a whim of an idea that came to me while I was daydreaming on a ski lift over the holiday. You know how those things can go. One more part to go! Hurrah! Oh, by the way, I am also working on short stories for the other pilots to go with those two other stories I have, "Loving Death" and "Loving Angels." We'll just see how those go. Um, I hope you're enjoying this. Please review. I need the self-esteem. *sheepish grin* T.T;