TOA The Lesbian Wedding
Ok some background info. Ross is the only one who doesn't know about Chandler and Monica now. And YES, Ross is in this one, finally. Umm…Ross and Rachel aren't together and Rachel's pissed at Ross b/c of the list he made about her and Julie in tow the list. See I'm mixing the actual series with my own stuff. I'll be doing that a lot more later on. Ok, please read and review. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.
Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey were gathered in Monica and Rachel's kitchen, eating breakfast, like normally.
"And if you add sauce," Phoebe explained, "the tofu takes on the taste."
Joey picked up a piece of tofu and ate it. Suddenly, he spit it out.
"Uch! It's gross! I've never hated a food before, but I hate tofu!"
"What? You didn't even give it a second chance!"
"Yeah, well I don't need to."
Their quarrel was cut short when Monica came out of her bedroom.
"You guys are way too loud," she commented as she sat down at the table.
The three others began to smile teasingly at her.
"What?"
"What were you doing last night?" Rachel teased.
"Actually," Phoebe clarified, "I think the right question is who were you doing last night?"
"Ha, ha, ha."
Chandler then walked casually out of Monica's room. The other three focused their attention on Chandler and gave him the same teasing smile.
"Oh wow, I'm on the other side of the fence," Chandler observed, "Now I know how all those guys I gave 'the smile' to must've felt."
"All the other guys?" Monica questioned, "What are you implying."
"Nothing, nothing."
"You'd better not be."
"You two were pretty loud last night," Rachel remarked, "Kept me up half the night."
Joey patted Chandler on the back. "Yeah, Chandler!"
Chandler smiled broadly and nodded.
"Chandler!"
"Sorry."
"So," Joey ventured, "How is she?"
Monica and Chandler both shot him an angry look.
"What? That's not appropriate?"
Just then, Ross entered the apartment.
"Shush!" Monica demanded, "Don't say anything to Ross!"
"Yeah, yeah," Phoebe agreed.
"Ok."
"Why not?"
"Joey!" Monica hissed, "You know why!"
"Hey guys!" Ross greeted as he walked inside.
They all greeted him, except for Rachel.
"Hey Rach,"
She didn't answer.
Ross sighed.
"So Chandler," Joey asked, "You guys gonna be staying here or at our place tonight because I have a date and that might be wei…"
He stopped when he noticed Monica and Chandler glaring at him.
"Why would Chandler be here tonight? And who's you guys?"
"Oh just me and…" Chandler bit his lip, thinking of a cover story.
"His sock!" Monica saved.
Chandler's eyes widened, "How do you know about that?!"
"Eww! You watch porn here?" He focused his attention onto Monica, "You let him watch porn here?"
Monica laughed nervously, "Well…I don't let him."
"Yeah, he doesn't need to watch porn here," Phoebe said under her breath, "He gets the real show."
"What?" Ross questioned, not hearing.
"Nothing…"
"Okay…" Ross made a disgusted face. "I have to go, but eww!"
"Nice save," Chandler said sarcastically when Ross left.
"I'm sorry honey," she kissed his lips softly, "I couldn't think of anything else."
"It's okay."
"I'll make it up to you tonight."
Chandler smiled happily, "Okay!"
"Nice!"
"Joey!" Monica yelled.
"So wait," Phoebe asked, "Why can't we tell Ross?"
"Because," Monica explained, "He'll be made at Chandler."
"Yeah, his best friend's doing his little sister…" Rachel teased.
"You make it sound so dirty," Chandler told her.
"Well it's not that good on your part…"
"Oh, it's really good."
"Not like that!"
Chandler looked down at his plate, "Yeah I know. But it's not like we're fooling around or anything."
"Still," Joey commented, "If you were having sex with one of my little sisters, I would slit your throat."
Chandler swallowed hard and said nervously, "Great."
"Don't worry Chandler. I won't let my big brother hurt you."
"Protected by the girlfriend…" Joey teased, but off Monica's look continued, "A very good thing."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later, Chandler and Joey were playing foosball in their apartment.
"So do you plan on ever telling Ross about you and Monica?"
"Yeah, maybe."
"When?"
Chandler hesitated, "If we get married…"
"Good plan," Joey remarked sarcastically.
"Well what am I supposed to do? I mean you even told me that if it were your sister, you would kill me! I don't want Ross to kill me…or even worse…hate me."
"Maybe you should've thought of that before you fell in love with his little sister."
"Hey, I'm not in love with her."
"Who are you kidding?"
"Yeah, I know. I just hate when you're perceptive."
"When I'm what now?"
"Never mind."
"Ya know, the longer you hide it from him, the more angry he's gonna be when he finds out."
"Yeah well…I don't have a choice right now. There's no way I want him convincing Monica not to be with me. I mean there are so many reasons why she shouldn't be…but for some reason, she is. I don't want her to finally accept those reasons!"
"Well, then, I guess you just have to continue to lie to one of your best friends."
"You make it sound so bad."
"It's not?"
Chandler groaned and went back to focusing on the game.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That night, Rachel was working in Central Perk. Everyone, aside from Ross, had gone home. Ross continued to sip his coffee, and stared at Rachel when she wasn't looking. Finally, he got up and went over to her at the counter.
"Rach, can I have another cup?"
"Again? That's like your 8th cut today," she commented bitterly, "You're going to end up peeing your pants at this rate."
Ross just smiled nervously, "I'm okay."
"Sure…" Rachel said unconvinced, handing him his coffee.
"So, Rach…" Ross began, but Rachel turned her back towards him to use the
cappuccino machine.
"Come on Rachel! We could be so good together! So good!"
"Yeah, well Ross, that ship has sailed, okay?!"
"No, not okay! Why won't you give me a second chance?"
"Because I'm 'just a waitress'," she mocked.
"Come on, that list was Chandler's idea! Not mine!"
"Well, you made it, didn't you?"
Ross chucked nervously, "Look Rach…that's in the past. We should just forget about it…"
"Ha! Easy for you to say."
"Come on, it's in the past!"
"Will you quit saying that?"
"Well, it is…it's just the past…a learning experience."
"Yeah? It's just the past? Well, let's see how you like this for past! Chandler slept with Monica!"
Ross stared at Rachel, his face frozen in shock.
"But Ross…that's the past…you can't be mad about it…"
"Wha…wha…wha?" he stuttered.
"Yup, that's right. You're best friend did your little sister."
"I'm gonna kill Chandler!" Ross screamed as he stormed out of Central Perk.
"Oops…" Rachel said and began to bite her nail nervously.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ross ran up to Chandler and Joey's apartment and began pounding on Chandler's door.
"Chandler, get your ass out here now!"
Joey came out of his room in his boxers.
"Dude, would ya keep it down? I'm kinda busy in there, if ya know what I mean."
"Yeah sorry."
Joey turned back to go into his room.
"Wait, Joey, do you know where Chandler is?"
"Yeah, he's at Mon and Rach's."
Ross tried to hide his anger. "Thanks man."
"No problem. Just keep it down!"
"You got it."
Joey went back into his room and Ross dashed across the hall. He tried to open the door, but it was locked.
"Monica, open this door right now!" Ross demanded.
"Coming Ross! Calm down."
Monica opened the door and Ross hastily pushed his way in. His eyes darted around the room and he spotted Chandler sitting on the sofa, fully clothed and eating popcorn.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Watching a movie. Are you mad that we didn't ask you?"
Ross began to eye Chandler suspiciously.
"Why was the door locked?"
Monica looked away from her brother and said nervously, "Silly me. I must've locked it by accident."
"Right…" Ross said unconvinced, but didn't question her further. Instead he turned towards Chandler. "So Chandler, I heard a funny story today."
"Yeah? Does it have to do with three guys walking into a bar? Because if it does, I already know it…"
"No, no, no. It concerns you."
"Me?"
"Yeah, you."
"Well, what about me?"
"Well," Ross began to laugh, "You're gonna get a big kick out of this…"
Chandler began to smile, "Okay…?"
"Well, I was talking to Rachel…and she told me…" Ross began laughing even harder.
Chandler and Monica looked at each other, confused by his actions.
"She told me that…" he continued, still laughing, "That you…that you…" Suddenly he stopped laughing and glared at Chandler, "Had sex with my sister!"
They both gasped. "That's not true…" Monica laughed nervously, "Me and Chandler? Ha!"
"Yeah," Chandler added, also fake laughing, "Why would we do that?"
"Okay, phew…"
"Just, out of curiosity, if it were true, what would you do to me?"
Monica elbowed Chandler in the ribs. "Oww!"
"I would kill you for fooling around with my sister."
Chandler licked his lips nervously, "What if…what if it weren't fooling around? What if I was in love with her? What would you do then?"
"In love with her?"
"Yeah? What if I was so deeply in love with her that I couldn't stop thinking about her, ever? What if, whenever I was around her, I couldn't keep my eyes off of her? And whenever we weren't together, I couldn't get her out of my head? What if I couldn't help, but try to only make her happy because I was so madly, head over heals, in love with her?"
Ross was taken back by Chandler's questions. Monica, too, was shocked by his forwardness.
"Well Ross?"
"Still…"
"What if…" Monica began, regaining her composure, "I felt the same way about him? What if I was so much in love with Chandler that it scared the hell out of me? What if I couldn't stop thinking about him either? What if I loved everything about him? The way he smiled, the way he talked, the way he joked…"
Ross cut her off, "Why would you love the way he jokes? That's just annoying."
Monica ignored Ross' comment, "The way he tried to make me feel special? The way he showed me how much he loved me without words? The way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the way he…"
"Woah, way too graphic!"
Monica looked away sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that."
"Is this true?" Ross wondered.
Monica nodded and then looked at Chandler. "Everything I said is true."
"Everything I said is true, too," he admitted, taking her hands.
"Well, then I guess I have no choice, but to be okay with it, too. I mean if you're not just 'doing it'."
Chandler smiled. "No, it's so much more than that. We've been dating for a week now, but I've been crazy about Monica ever since I moved across the hall from her," he turned his attention towards Monica, "Being with you is so much better than I've ever imagined. And believe me, I've imagined it a lot before."
Monica laughed, "Right back at ya."
Chandler leaned in and kissed her passionately.
Ross cleared his throat.
Chandler pulled away from Monica. "Sorry."
"Aww…" they heard from the other side of the door.
Monica went and opened it, finding Rachel on the other side.
"Rachel!" Monica scolded, "You broke our 'don't tell Ross' rule!"
"Sorry! I was just trying to get him off my back."
"Well, why'd you have to use us?" Chandler questioned.
"Hey!" Rachel defended, "You deserve it, Chandler!"
"What?! What did I do to you?!"
"Well, let's see…" Rachel began, "You revealed Ross' secret crush on me to me, you told him to forget about me, AND it was your stupid idea to make that list!"
"Hey, those were all mistakes!"
"Well, so was this."
"No way, this is not the same!"
Monica patted Chandler's shoulder, "Honey, she's right. Let it go."
"Yeah," Ross agreed, "It's in the past."
"Urgh!" Rachel yelled and ran into her room.
"What's with her?" Chandler questioned.
Ross just shrugged his shoulders.
Ok part 5 is finished! See, Ross is in it now. Phew…not really, but whatever. Ok well, if I don't post tomorrow, Happy New Year! Please leave a review. Thanks!:-)
