TOA The Lesbian Wedding
Hey, I'm finally back for part 6 in this series. I've been kinda busy this week with finishing my last fic, New Years, and 2 days of school (uch!). Yeah, so if u find any mistakes, you'll know it's b/c I'm worn out from a day at school. I actually fell asleep in French class today. I've never fallen asleep in school before. But this guy is sooooo boring! Yeah, so he caught me and yelled at me. Then he asked me to answer a question. I got the answer right…it was "Le". What? I'm only in French II, and my French class last year was terrible. But I mean I know most of this stuff already…so that makes it even more boring. Ok, before I make you fall asleep, I'll get to the point. This chapter's different from the others b/c I'm taking an episode that actually happened (this particular one is from toa the superbowl pt. 2) and changing the Chandler and Monica parts a bit. I hope it's not too boring, like b/c it's been done before. I won't do this anymore if people think it's too boring. Consider it an experiment, if u so wish to. See, I was thinking that I would mix episodes and things that happened w/ my own stuff. So I'll have some chapters that are totally mine and some that aren't. Is that a bad idea? Ok, that's all now, promise! Please read and review! Thanks.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or a hell of a lot of this plot. Oh btw, u should really know what happens in the real episode, toa the superbowl.
Monica and Chandler walked hand in hand around the movie set. Monica looked over towards the scene being shot on her right side and gasped.
"What is it?"
"Look!" She requested and motioned towards the man in army camouflage.
"What?"
"It's…it's Jean-Claude Van Damme!"
He examined the man for a moment. "Ah, so it is."
"Yes it is! Oh my God, he's so sexy!"
"Excuse me!?"
"Well you're sexy too…just not with muscles and looks."
"Oh thanks, that really helped my self esteem for today."
"You're cute. Just not drop dead gorgeous."
"Why thank you, you're beautiful, too."
She chuckled and rubbed his arm.
"We're all allowed to have one famous person that we can have a crush on."
"Says who?"
"Says everyone."
"What?"
Chandler spotted Phoebe walked by them and called her over.
"Ok, Phoebe, do you think that it's okay to have one famous person that you pine over while you're dating someone else?"
"Yeah, totally," she answered nonchalantly.
"Ha!"
"Who's the famous person?"
"Jean-Claude Van Damme," Chandler mocked in a dreamy tone.
Monica hit him on the shoulder.
"Come on Chandler. It's not like Monica has a chance with him anyway."
"What?!"
Chandler began laughing.
"I could so get Jean-Claude Van Damme!"
"Uh-huh," Phoebe said, unconvinced.
"Yeah, well, I'll show you both!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
About an hour later, Monica was camped next to a brick wall, trying to muster up the courage to ask out Jean-Claude. Monica was studying him intently, when Rachel snuck up behind her.
"Hey Mon, what's up?"
"Ah!" Monica jumped.
"Sorry, sorry."
"Well, don't sneak up on someone!"
"Ok, I'm sorry." She paused and looked in the direction that Monica was looking. "What are you looking at so closely?"
"Jean-Claude Van Damme."
"Oo, where?"
"The guy in the camouflage."
"Nice."
"Nice?! He is only the sexiest man alive!"
"I dunno…"
"What do you know about looks? I mean you do have a crush on Ross."
"Ok number one, DID! DID have a crush on Ross!"
"Right…"
"And second, you're going out with Chandler for crying out loud!"
"Yeah, well, he's cute."
"So is Ross."
"Eww, that's my brother."
"Ok, anyway, speaking of Chandler, shouldn't you be with him, instead of obsessing over some movie star?"
"I'm not obsessing. I'm just gonna ask him out."
"Excuse me? Did you and Chandler break up in the past hour?"
"No! He and Phoebe don't believe that I can get Jean-Claude Van Damme to go out with me. I have to prove them wrong!"
"Uh-huh. I see that. Now, when do you plan on asking the guy out?"
"Soon."
"Right."
"I just have to…"
"Get in the zone?"
"Exactly!"
Rachel gave her a baffled look, and then turned her attention towards Jean-Claude.
"I thought he wasn't that sexy?"
"Hey, I can still look!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chandler walked around the movie set, extremely bored. He sat down on the curb and watched the people hustle around him. After sitting for a bit, Joey approached him.
"Dude, I gotta get a part here!"
"Ok…"
"You've gotta help me."
"No way! I am not helping you after the whole 'pie in my eye' incident."
Joey looked at Chandler quizzically, but after a moment, remembered. "Oh right! Now, that was funny! You had a patch on that eye for weeks!"
"Ha, ha, ha."
"Fine, I'll go ask Phoebe. But the next time you need something from me…"
"I don't think that'll be happening anytime soon."
Joey left Chandler and Chandler moved to sit back down, but suddenly noticed a beautiful red-headed woman staring at him.
"Do I have something on my face?" he wondered in his head as she approached him.
"Hi, are you Chandler? Chandler Bing?"
"Yes, yes that's me. Do I know you? Oh wait, if you're one of the women Joey and I hit with water balloons, please don't call the police again!"
The woman looked at him, completely confused.
"Ok, so you're…not…one of those women."
"No. I'm Susie Moss!"
Chandler tried to place her, but couldn't.
"From 4th grade. I carried that box of animal crackers like a purse."
Still, Chandler looked at her blankly.
"You pulled my skirt up in front of everyone during the school play."
"Oh right, Susie Underpants."
He began laughing, and she laughed too, except her laugh was not genuine.
"Yeah, sorry about that. I had a lot, A LOT of problems growing up."
"Yeah. I heard you're dad's a woman."
"He is not a woman! He just…wears women's clothing…and has a women's name…and dates men…"
"Right."
Chandler chuckled nervously. "Maybe I revealed too much there."
"Just a tad."
He looked away sheepishly.
"Anyway, what have you been up to these days? I see that you're not completely following in your father's footsteps. No women's clothes."
"No, I am not following in my dad's footsteps at all! Definitely not gay!"
"Okay, okay. I believe you!"
Chandler looked away and Susie grinned slyly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Monica and Rachel were still behind that same brick wall.
"Monica!" Rachel whined, "I'm so bored! Come on, just ask him out already!"
"Soon, soon. Don't rush me!"
"Okay, ya know what? I'm just gonna ask him out for you!"
"No, Rach! I'll lose that way!"
"And staying here for five hours is gonna get you to win?"
"Well…"
"No, I'm going over."
"Fine."
Rachel walked over causally to Jean-Claude Van Damme. She smiled slightly and he turned his attention towards her.
"Hi, my friend Monica," she said gesturing towards Monica, "Would like to know if you would go out with her."
He looked at Monica for a moment and then answered with his accent, "Hmm…well what is wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong with me!"
"Then why can't I go out with you?"
"Because my friend wants to go out with you…"
"So?"
Rachel paused and thought for a moment. "Yeah, so?! She has a boyfriend!"
"Exactly, so what do you say? I'll pick you up around seven?"
"Hold on, let me just tell my friend."
Rachel returned to Monica, who was still standing in the same place.
"Well?!"
"Ok, so what if, since you have a boyfriend and all, I go out with him?"
"What? Well…I guess you ca…"
"Ok great, thanks Mon!" Rachel then ran back towards him.
"Hey!" Monica yelled back at Rachel angrily, but Rachel didn't hear.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
An awkward silence had formed between Susie and Chandler.
"So Chandler, how long do I have to wait before you ask me out?"
"Excuse me?"
"Come on, I know you want me!"
"What?"
"Don't be shy!"
"Susie…you're a very nice person, but…"
Susie walked up closely to him and asked breathlessly, "What?"
Chandler hopped backwards. "Woah, is it because I have a girlfriend that girls find me attractive?!"
"You have a girlfriend."
"Yeah!"
"Yeah right."
"I do! She's on this set somewhere."
"Oh yeah, where?"
"Well, last I saw, she was going to ask Jean-Claude Van Damme out…"
Susie looked at him quizzically.
"Ok, so that didn't sound too good."
"If she's asking another guy out, why can't you ask out another girl?"
"Good point." He paused pensively, "No! I can't! I love her! I'm sorry Susie."
"You should be. You don't know what you're turning down."
"Right. Well, bye now!" he said and then ran away hastily
"I will get you back for showing my underwear to the entire auditorium, Chandler Bing!" she promised and turned to leave the spot.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That night, Monica entered Joey and Chandler's apartment angrily.
"What's wrong?" Chandler asked.
Monica sat down next to him. "Rachel went out with Jean-Claude and we got into a fight about it!"
"So? Rachel doesn't have a boyfriend. You do! Remember, the guy sitting right next to you!"
"I know. It's just, why can she go out with him?"
"Would you really have gone out with him, if he had said yes?"
Monica looked down at her feet and answered quietly, "No."
Chandler sighed and she laughed.
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's just that…Rachel knew I wanted to ask him out!"
"So?"
"It's just not right."
"Mon…"
"Don't Mon me!" she yelled while rising from the sofa.
Chandler got up and kissed Monica hard on the lips.
"Why would you want to go out with him, when you have this 'okay looking' boyfriend waiting for you? I mean think about it. Do you really think that Rachel and Jean-Claude are gonna be together for a long time?"
"No."
"Do you think we will?"
"That depends if you go all Chandler on me."
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"I think we'll last though. I'll just have to keep you in line."
"Don't I know it?"
"I'm so sorry, you're right."
He kissed her again. "For once, I'm right!"
"Don't get used to it."
"Right!"
"So, how was the rest of your day?"
"Well, I ran into this woman who was in my 4th grade class."
"Yeah?"
"She hit on me."
Monica laughed.
"What? How's that funny."
"Nothing. Just a girl…hitting on you!" Monica began laughing again.
"Laugh all you want, Ms. Geller. But I do believe it was you who initiated the first kiss in our relationship."
"Yeah, well I was drunk. That's different."
"Wow, you just keep throwing those compliments at me, right and left!"
"I'm sorry. I know how to make it up to you."
He smiled broadly. "Yeah?"
She kissed him passionately.
Once the kiss broke, Chandler cheered breathlessly, "To my room!"
"You say things like that, and you'll go to your room alone."
"Sorry."
"You know, you are really sexy, too. Much better than any Jean-Claude Van Dame."
"I know." He kissed her again and then grabbed her hand, leading her to the bedroom.
Whatd'ya think? Boring, not boring? I wanna know, really I do. Just don't be too mean 'bout it please. Like no "you suck!"'s or anything. BTW I tried not to use any of the dialogue from the real episode, but I kinda stuck in a few of the same lines, basically. Like, with Susie, I had to use the same stuff for some of it. Like the underpants stuff and the animal crackers. Ok, hopefully u get the gist by now, so please review! Thanks!:)
