TOA The Lesbian Wedding
"I wanna run thru the halls of my high school. I wanna scream at the top of my lungs. I just found out there's no such thing as the real world. Just a lie we've got to rise above." He, he, sorry I'm listening to John Mayer. I think that's pretty close…I dunno, I always get words wrong in songs. Ok, what u should know before u read this…okay this is kinda my alternative tow Ross and Rachel…you know. (I'm not gonna give any background, so I recommend seeing it before reading this, if u haven't for some odd reason, b/c otherwise you'll probably get confuzzled.) Obviously, if I'm having Mon and Chandler together, Monica can't get together with Richard. That big tree…lol. I love that part in tow the proposal…he, he. Umm…yeah Ross and Rach are together…got together the same way, yada, yada, yada. Anyways, please read and review, thanks!
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters…surprise, surprise!
Monica entered Chandler and Joey's apartment and gasped at the new additions.
"Wow! When did you guys get all this stuff?"
"I bought them!" Joey answered proudly.
"It's nice."
"Nice?" Joey asked insulted. "It's not just nice! It's the greatest room ever!"
"Yeah it is!" Chandler enthused.
Joey and Chandler high-fived.
"Right…"
Monica sat down on one of the stools, and the guys continued to watch TV.
"Chandler! Aren't you going to say hello to me?!"
"Oh yeah, sorry, hi."
"Don't I get a kiss?"
"Like he hasn't given you enough already," Joey commented.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well," Joey explained, keeping his eyes glued to the TV, "Girls are always asking for stuff while us guys are trying to do stuff."
"And you consider TV doing stuff?"
"Yes, I do."
"I see. Well, fine, if you guys don't want me around, I'll just leave. And don't expect to be welcomed in my room tonight."
Joey laughed. "Mon, he doesn't need that when he can watch it on TV!"
"Joey! Shut up!"
"What's all the arguing about?" Chandler asked distantly.
"You haven't been listening at all?" Monica asked.
"What?"
"Urgh!" she yelled and then stomped out of the apartment.
"What's with her?" Chandler asked.
"I dunno. She's you're girlfriend."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Mon, I thought you and Chandler were gonna go out tonight before you went to your catering job." Rachel commented from the bathroom.
Monica, who was sitting in the kitchen, raised her voice to answer. "We were. But Chandler's too busy watching that damn TV and sitting in that chair to go out."
"So, just drag him out of the chair. You know you can. Remember that time you pulled Chandler by the ear until he moved out of your seat."
Monica smiled at the memory, but then sobered. "Well, I dunno. Besides, I don't feel like going out with him anymore. He was totally ignoring me. He didn't even say hello to me!"
"Chandler's a guy…"
"So?!"
"So…they do things like that. Just ignore him back. He'll come around."
"Well, he'd better."
Rachel exited the bathroom and sat down at the table.
"He will. Guys are just shallow like that. I mean, he has some time to watch TV and be lazy, but eventually he'll find that he has other desires…"
Monica smiled scornfully. "Thanks. So he'll come to me when he wants sex and then leave again."
"No, Chandler's not that shallow. Joey may be…but not Chandler."
"Yeah. So, anyway, you excited 'bout tonight?"
"Oh yeah, totally! I've been waiting for this for so long!"
"I know! And think of how long Ross' been waiting for this moment."
"Well, dating me is always a big deal."
"Right. And you know what else? That wasn't the least bit self-centered."
"Oh I know."
At that point, there was a knock at the door.
"Oh my God! He's here! Okay, how do I look?"
"Rach…you see him everyday, so why does it really matter. I mean he's seen you in the morning when you can just be such a…" Off Rachel's look, she continued, "Beautiful and wonderful person."
"Thanks," Rachel said sarcastically.
Monica went to open the door and saw Ross standing out there.
"Hey Mon, is Rach ready?"
"Y…"
"Monica!" Rachel whispered harshly.
"Oh right," Monica mumbled. "She'll be ready soon. Why don't you sit down-- make yourself comfortable? I'm Rachel's roommate, Monica, by the way. It's a pleasure to…"
"Cut it out Mon."
"Sorry. I'm just so used to the act by now."
"Ha, ha, ha."
"So, you nervous?"
"N…no. W…why would I be nervous?"
Monica rolled her eyes. "No reason."
"So, what do you think of Chandler and Joey's place's new look?"
"I think that Chandler should figure out his priorities."
"Uh-huh. Trouble in paradise?"
"Shut up."
"Okay, sheesh. Just trying to be friendly."
"Yeah, well be friendly in someone else's business."
Just then, Rachel stepped out of her room.
"Hey Ross," she sang with a smile on her face.
"Hi there. You look gorgeous."
"Thank you."
The two of them looked at Monica, indicating that they wanted some privacy.
"Hey, it's my apartment, too."
They continued to look at her.
"Fine, fine. I'll go."
"Thank you Mon."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That night, Monica and Phoebe were in Richard's kitchen, preparing dessert.
"Yeah, so he won't even talk to me! I'm so mad at Chandler right now! I mean what's more important? A stupid TV show or…"
Phoebe cut her off angrily. "Hey, don't bad mouth television! It's never done anything bad to you!"
"Okay…"
"No, no, no! You just can't do that to TV because it's not fair!"
"I don't think that the TV cares."
"How do you know? Have you ever asked one if it cares?"
Monica rolled her eyes.
After a few minutes, Richard came into the kitchen and sat down.
Monica laughed. "You in here again?"
"It's just so boring out there."
"And it's more interesting in here?"
"Yeah, well, I don't know about you," Phoebe said, "But I am a very interesting person."
"Anything beats being out there."
"Okay, Phoebe, will you please serve the dessert?"
"Uch, I don't wanna go out there either!"
"Go."
"Fine," Phoebe relented angrily and left the kitchen.
"So, Monica," Richard began.
"Yeah?"
"I…I just can't get over how stunning you look."
Monica blushed. "Thank you."
"The pleasure's all mine."
Monica smiled, and then went back to working.
"So…who's your eye doctor?"
Monica chucked. "Wow, such an interesting conversationalist."
"Hey, what can I say?" He pointed towards the door. "I'm one of them!"
"Well, as of now, I don't have an eye doctor. I used to see Doctor Peterman, but he's down…"
"In Florida now, right."
"So, I guess you know."
"Yeah." Richard paused. "Well, if you ever need an eye appointment, feel free to drop by my office. I'll even give you half of, since you're Jack's daughter and all."
"Okay, thank you! That would be great, especially since I have no insurance right now."
"Really? Oh right, no job…"
Monica smiled slightly. "Yeah."
"Hey, don't sweat it. You'll get a job soon. In fact…I have been looking for a receptionist for a while now. Why don't you do that for me? I mean until you get a better job."
Monica was stunned. "What? Really? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. It's not that hard. Just answer the phone, make appointments, and send in patients. That's pretty much it."
"Well…I do need the money…"
"So, you'll do it?"
Monica paused to think for a moment. "Yeah, I'll do it! Thank you so much!" She jumped up and hugged him, "Thank you!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"You took the job?!" Phoebe asked the next morning, while they were sitting in Monica's apartment.
"Well, yeah. I need the money, Pheebs!"
"Yeah, but I mean he was totally flirting with you."
Monica laughed. "What are you talking about? He's giving me this job because…"
"He wants to sleep with you!"
"Noooo, eww. Because he's friends with my dad and he's doing a nice thing for his friend's poor daughter."
"Right. The nice thing is sleeping with her."
Monica rolled her eyes. "Whatever Pheebs. I'm taking this job because I really need the money, okay?"
"Fine, fine." Phoebe paused. "So, you gonna tell Chandler?"
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?"
"Well…because your employer wants to sleep with you."
Monica groaned. "Whatever."
"Speaking of Chandler, have you talked to him since yesterday?"
"No. And you know what, it's up to him to come to me, now."
"Why is that again?"
"Because, he's the one who ignored me!"
"I see."
"Uch, no one understands!" Monica declared and stomped out of the apartment.
Phoebe stood in the living room for a moment and sighed. "Looks like it's Phoebe to the rescue…again."
Phoebe went over to Chandler and Joey's apartment and stood in front of the television.
"Woah, woah!" Chandler complained.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Joey asked angrily.
"You two have to get out of those chairs! Live your lives!"
"Ehh…" Chandler remarked.
"I'm especially angry with you, Chandler!"
"What? Why?"
"Uh, I dunno. It's not because you have a girlfriend who you've been ignoring!"
"I haven't ignored her."
Phoebe gave him an unconvinced look.
"Uh, okay, so maybe I have. Is she mad?"
"Extremely."
"Well…I, uh…"
"You forgot about going out with her last night."
"Oh right…"
"And last night, when she was catering that party, the guy, Richard, offered her a job."
"Oh yeah? That's great!"
"Yeah, well I think he wanted her to do more than work, if ya know what I mean."
"Yeah baby!" Joey chimed.
"What?!"
"Yeah, he's definitely got his eye on Monica." Suddenly, Phoebe started laughing uncontrollably.
"What?"
"I said 'eye on Monica' and…Richard's an eye doctor!"
"That's great, I see the irony. But we've got a problem here!"
"No…you've got a problem here. It wasn't me who ignored my girlfriend."
Joey perked up. "You have a girlfriend?!"
Both Chandler and Phoebe ignored his comment.
"Okay, I'll go talk to her."
"Well, I think she went to work."
"She did?! Oh my God!"
"Calm down, maybe I'm wrong."
"Yeah?"
"No. No, I'm not. I know flirting when I see it."
"What?! She was flirting with him?"
"No, she wasn't flirting with him. He was flirting with her. Monica just thought he was being nice. Wow, she's so clueless."
"Oh God! Should I go down there? Do something! Stop him from stealing my girlfriend!"
"No! Don't do that. She'll just get mad that you don't
trust her. Besides, I already told her that he was flirting and she totally
didn't believe me."
Chandler sat down on the edge of his chair and put his head in his hands.
Suddenly, he looked up with pleading eyes and asked, "What do I do?"
"You need to make things right tonight, as soon as she comes home! Remind her that she has a great boyfriend."
"She does? Who? Chandler?" Joey asked.
Phoebe began to laugh. "I know, it sounds crazy."
"Hey!"
"Okay, so do something big."
"Yeah. But what should I do?"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That evening, Monica sat behind the receptionist desk, organizing it.
Richard exited from his office and asked, "So, how was today?"
"Oh, it was okay."
"No problems?"
"Well, there was this one woman, a Mrs. Good, who tried to make like fifteen appointments with you…"
"Oh yeah," Richard laughed uncomfortably, "She has a thing for me, but…I'm not interested."
Monica wrinkled her nose in disgust. "And she's married?!"
"It's horrible, I know."
"Well, I organized all your files…I even color coded them."
"Wow, efficient."
"I know!"
Richard began to stare at Monica, making her feel uncomfortable.
"What? Do I have something on my face?" Under her breath she added, "If Joey did anything to my face again…"
"No, you're just so beautiful."
"Uh…thank you."
He walked a little closer to Monica.
"You know what?" she exclaimed nervously, "I should really leave. I have things to do and places to be."
"Yeah? Like what?"
"I have to, umm…go shopping."
"For what?"
"Umm…" she looked around, trying to think of an answer. "Staplers."
"Staplers?"
"Yup. I collect...staplers."
"That's an interesting thing to collect."
"I know…"
"But that can't wait? Because I was thinking maybe you'd care to join me for dinner."
"Uhh, no I have plans for dinner."
"Oh, well, if you have plans, then…"
"Yeah."
Monica turned to leave, but Richard called to her.
"Monica?"
She turned around. He then walked up to her and kissed her.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Meanwhile, Joey, Chandler, and Phoebe were in Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler was setting plates on the counter, while Phoebe was attempting to make it look nice by adding flowers.
"Aww, come on," Joey complained, "Why do you have to be in here? I wanna sit in my chair and watch TV!"
"You did that all day!" Phoebe commented.
"I know! So what?"
"Come on, Joe. I need to do this, okay?"
"So, why can't you go to her place?"
"Because, Rachel told me to 'keep the hell out of her place because she wanted to make up for last night to Ross'."
"Aww man! Everybody's gonna be having sex tonight, but me!"
"Phoebe's not."
"What are you talking about Chandler? I happen to have a date tonight. Sheesh, don't answer for other people."
"Sorry Pheebs."
"Which do you want, Chandler?" Joey asked, holding up two menus, "Pasta or fish."
"Pasta!" Phoebe answered hastily.
"You just yelled at me for answering for you!"
"Yeah well…" Phoebe stuttered for an answer, "Okay, if you don't need my help, I'm just gonna leave!"
"Sorry Pheebs."
"Okay, she should be home soon, so we should finish up."
"Okay."
Chandler changed into a suit and grabbed a bouquet of roses that he bought for Monica. Phoebe turned off the lights and lit a dozen candles around the room.
"It's perfect," Phoebe breathed.
"Yeah, it really is. I hope it'll work."
"I'm sure it will!"
"Okay, thanks a lot you guys. Now go."
"Right, okay. Let's go to the coffee house, Joey."
"Fine."
"Good luck tonight!"
"Thanks."
"She's gonna love it."
Chandler nodded and smiled in anticipation. "I know. Tonight's gonna fix everything."
Cliff hanger….ooo. Keep ya at the edge of your seat. Okay, not really, I bet, but I can always hope. So, who caught Friends tonight? I liked it, but it's definitely not one of my favorites this season. (this season, my fav. so far is tow ross' inappropriate song…lol.) I won't talk about it though because I don't wanna give it away to anyone who hasn't seen it. Okay, please leave me a review, thanks!
