A/N: This is my fastest update ever; less than a week! I'm addicted to writing this story. I'm starting to write the next chapter before this one is even posted.

Reviews: Tell me what I'm doing right. Better yet, tell me (constructively) what I'm doing wrong. Just tell me something! Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. To you 'The Sweetest Thing" fans (if you're reading this), I apologize for the slow update time; I just can't get into a fluff mood, angst is really more my thing.

Nightmares, Chapter 2

Irina's mouth flew open and her eyes went wide. It wasn't often that she was caught off guard, but when it happened it happened in a big way. 'This can't be right,' her mind screamed at her, 'You're hallucinating. Jack Bristow is not standing outside your cell in the middle of the night asking you if you ever loved him. That's just crazy.' Ten seconds later, however, Jack was still there. Had they not been on opposite sides of the glass, she might have reached out to touch him, just to make sure that he existed. Then again, considering what he had just said, that might not have been wise.

Had she ever loved him? She knew that she had felt something. She had never denied that she respected and liked him very much, that she enjoyed his company and that, every time he had told her how much he loved her, that she had gotten a goodly amount of pleasure along with her guilt. But she had never let herself call it love, never let herself ask the question that he had just put to her. And now Jack had forced it into her head, and he deserved a straight answer. She knew what that answer was.

"Yes," she said simply. "I did love you, Jack. That much of our lives wasn't a lie."

Jack wasn't sure if a 'no' would have hurt less or more. More, he decided, though this was bad enough. She had loved him after all, and he hadn't tried to go after her, to get her back. But then, she hadn't tried to stay..

"Then why?" His voice was low, but his eyes stayed with hers.

"Why did I leave?" He nodded. "I had to, Jack. You know that." It was a weak argument, they both saw that. But he was at the disadvantage here, not her. Despite the fact that she was the one in the cell, she wielded the power.

Jack Bristow, however, was unaccustomed to not having the upper hand, and he needed answers. So he pressed. "No, I don't know that. When we were married, I would have flown to the ends of the earth for you in a second, would have trusted you unconditionally no matter what. But rather than stay to fight for us, you ran away."

His words opened a hundred long-covered wounds, and the pain nearly overwhelmed her. But she needed him to understand as much as he needed to understand. "For me, Jack? No. For Laura. You loved and treasured Laura, not Irina. Do you know how hard that was, to have my own husband make love to me under someone else's name?"

Jack was stunned. He could honestly say that he had never thought of it that way, never considered how hard it would be to have every human gesture meant for him directed instead at someone else. But he had no time to ponder, as her speech continued.

She had lost control now, in a way that she hadn't done for years. But she didn't care. She had needed to say these things for so many years. "But even that wasn't my biggest concern. Supposing that I had told you everything, that I had come completely clean. You would have looked at me then just like you look at me now if I had told, would have shut me out to cover up your hurt, and I wouldn't have been strong enough to take it," she swallowed deeply, "You and Sydney were everything to me. The thought of you, and especially of her, staring at me like I was some freak stranger was..more than I could just tuck away. It was a matter of my sanity, and all of our safety. Do you think that the KGB would have just said, 'We're happy that you're happy, stay as long as you like?' No, Jack, they would have come after us all, but especially Sydney. She was so small, so innocent," Irina choked slightly as she considered what he daughter had become, "She would have been hurt, killed, or spent her whole life looking over her shoulder. I couldn't do that to her. You always doted on her so.." She considered how to say this without accusing him, but decided that he deserved it. She had showed too much of her weakness, she had to strike at him before he could use it against her. "I thought that wouldn't change when I left, that you would still understand how precious she was, how much she needed you. Apparently, that estimation was less than accurate."

Rather than hardening, as she had expected, Jack's face betrayed his anger. "What was I supposed to do, exactly, Irina?! I had just been told that the love of my life had betrayed me, and then been thrown in solitary for six months to stew it over in my brain. My mental and emotional states were not at an all time high! I know that I should have been stronger for her, but. but I still hurt too much."

The simplicity and truth of his words touched her, but angered her too. "You act as though you were the only person who got hurt because of us," she muttered, "I would think after Memphis, you would know better."

"Memphis?" he questioned, genuinely puzzled.

"Memphis, Egypt? That was. eighteen years ago, nearly nineteen now."

Jack had no idea what she was getting at. He vaguely remembered a mission to Egypt around that time, but it had been mostly routine, as he recalled. "I don't have a clue what you're talking about," he admitted.

She felt as if he had slapped her in the face. "You didn't recognize me, then? I was so sure that you would know." She was unwilling to tell him everything, but had to make sure that he knew. "Think hard, Jack. The mission was to retrieve a new prototype for a weapon of some sort; even I don't remember exactly what. But you were caught."

Suddenly it all came flooding back to him.

FLASHBACK

The night was hot and sweaty and dank, and the heavy black gear wasn't helping in the least. Jack was completely alone on this mission, which was never comforting, but, in this case, shouldn't make much difference. The mission was straightforward, and the security team shouldn't be able to arrive before he got away. It was a case of grabbing what he needed (some sort of bomb? He didn't remember) and being ready to run.

And he had done exactly that. Had gotten into the lab where the bomb was being developed, found the device, stuffed it into his bag and turned towards the door. But he was shocked to find a team, three people dressed like him but with masks, walk into the lab. 'Oh, shit,' Jack's brain had thrown at him, 'this is going to be harder than I thought.'

But then something strange had happened. Two of the other agents had lunged at him, and he had countered, fighting desperately but he was powerless to defend himself two against one and losing ground fast. Suddenly, he heard a decisive crack and one of the agents crumpled. The other paused, confused, and Jack seized his chance to hit him hard, knocking him backwards. To Jack's chagrin, the second agent crashed through a window, instantly setting off a loud alarm. He looked over at the third agent, who was just staring at him. The agent (SHE, Jack thought back, though he hadn't noted it at the time) looked him straight in the eye and said, in heavily accented English, "Run, Jack."

He had frozen. Who was this person and what was she setting him up for? But she had spoken again, "RUN, Jack, now!" He didn't have time to ponder any further and had simply obeyed, escaping just before the authorities arrived.

END FLASHBACK

In retrospect, Jack was stunned that he hadn't recognized her at the time. She had stood in full view, SPOKEN to him, had known his name, and it hadn't clicked. The accent and the combat gear had disguised her up to a point, but it still should have been obvious to him from the moment she had waked into the room.

From behind the glass, Irina watched the mental pieces falling into place. She waited patiently for him to put it all together.

Finally he spoke. "What did they do to you," he asked in a gravelly voice, fraught with confusion and hurt, "for..letting me go?"

She winced, very slightly but enough for him to notice. "I already told you that I was once a prisoner of the KGB," she said simply, "I'm sure you know how.. inventive they could be." It wasn't said to try and make him feel guilty, but shame pressed upon him nonetheless. "They weren't happy when they found out that I had hurt a fellow agent to save one of the enemy."

"No, I would imagine not," Jack's tone was heavy but not cold, sharing her pain rather than empty with hurt. He looked into her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me before?" "A few reasons, really. One, I thought that you already knew."

Jack interrupted, "You thought that I would be so.." there were many words he considered inserting, but he settled for one that was simple but true, "suspicious of you if I had know that..that you went through all that just to save me?"

"I saved your life in Kashmir; I could have escaped and left you and Sydney to die, but I didn't. And you never even said thank you."

It was true, but he didn't want to admit it. "What were the other reasons?"

She considered calling him on the sudden change of topic, but let it pass and answered. "The second reason was that you probably wouldn't have believed me."

"And why would I be more likely to believe you now?"

She gave him the all-knowing look that set everyone else in the world on edge. "Jack, it's three in the morning, and you just drove all the way here to ask me if I ever loved you. Right now, you WANT do believe me." She paused, her face softening slightly to make up for the harshness of her words. "I haven't asked why you chose NOW to ask that question."

He almost refused to answer, but reminded himself that she had answered all of his questions unconditionally, and that he owed her this one, at least. Feeling less and less like the person he had become every second, he sighed and began.

A/N: Do you all know what an elliptical is? Basically, it's the type of exercise machine upon which my laptop is precariously balanced as I run while I type. This is the only time that I have for writing! Despite the time difficulties, I will try my best to get the next chapter done ASAP. Review, Please!