TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 12
Hey, after a gruesome week, I'm back! Midterms sure were a bitch. It takes a lot out of ya, I'll tell ya that. I have one more on Monday, but it's in the afternoon, so I get to sleep late. :o) And, it's English, so all I have left to do is re-learning my vocab. I'm so happy it's almost over. Anyways, please read and review and if it's worse than normal, that's cuz I'm really exhausted and totally burned out. Thanks!
Disclaimer: Nothing's changed…I still don't own the characters. Are you surprised?
Ross entered Central Perk and headed over to the rest of the gang, who was already congregated there, drinking coffee and engaged in conversation.
"Hey guys," Ross greeted, while sitting down next to Rachel on the orange couch. He then kissed Rachel and said, "Hey Rach."
"Hey you."
"So, Mon, did you hear about the party mom's throwing for dad's birthday this year?"
"No," Monica answered, irritated, "And I just spoke to mom last night. But did she tell me? Noooo!"
"Oh, well, it's in two weeks."
"She never tells me anything."
Ross smiled sympathetically at Monica and then turned to Rachel. "Rach, will you come with me?"
"Sure, why not? You're dad's a nice guy. A little out of it at times, but nice."
"Yeah, well actually, she wanted me to invite all you guys to come with."
Monica looked away nervously. "Really? I don't think we have to bring everyone…"
"Why not?" Phoebe wondered, "I want to go."
"Me too!" Joey whined.
"You know, there probably aren't gonna be any hot chicks there," Ross informed him.
Joey looked uncertain for a minute. "I still wanna go."
"Really?" Chandler wondered.
"Yeah, it's something nice to do for my friends."
They all looked at him, unconvinced.
"Okay, the free food."
"That sounds more like Joey," Chandler commented.
"I don't even think I'm going to go this year."
"What?!" Ross demanded, "Why?!"
"Because…"
"Dad's gonna be crushed if you don't go."
Monica snorted. "He missed my birthdays, and recitals, and graduation, and…"
"Ok, ok, so maybe he wasn't always there for us…"
"For me," Monica corrected, "He was there for you."
Ross rolled his eyes. "Okay, so maybe he wasn't always there for you, but it really will mean a lot to him if you go."
"No, no, I just…I don't wanna go."
"Why?" Rachel questioned.
"I just…I don't wanna go, okay?"
"You have to have a reason," Phoebe informed her.
"Because…"
"And because is not a reason!"
"It's just, I know my mom's gonna harass me unmercifully."
"How do you know that?"
"Come on, Ross. Let's look at this realistically. I don't have a good, steady job, I have no money, and as far as mom knows, no boyfriend…"
"What?!" Chandler demanded, in a high-pitched voice, "You never told your mom about us?"
"Well…"
"Uh-oh," Phoebe breathed.
"Trouble in paradise," Rachel sung quietly.
"Hey, you would've never told your mom we were dating if it hadn't been for the reunion. You told your mom about us like a day before she saw me!"
"Yeah, well…" Chandler struggled for a counter-argument, "You speak to your mom more than I speak to mine."
Monica rolled her eyes dramatically. "Fine, I didn't tell my mom about us because…she's…very…picky and well…"
"What?"
"I don't think she'll want us to date."
"Why not?"
"Cause of a lot of reasons."
"What sort of reasons?"
"Well, mainly, she thinks you're immature."
"Why would she think that?"
"Need I remind you of the incident of '93?"
Chandler looked away sheepishly. "Right."
Ross laughed. "Yeah, she refers to you as my 'fairy friend who fell into the toilet'."
"Hey, I didn't fall into the toilet…it was the sink."
"Sure, sure," Ross joked.
"And I am not gay!"
The other remaining three looked on at them with curious faces.
"You don't wanna know," Monica responded.
Ross changed the topic back. "Come on, just go. I'll try to keep mom away from you."
"I dunno…"
"And, you don't have to tell mom about you and Chandler if you don't want to."
"Well, I guess so…"
"Oo, yay!" Phoebe enthused, "This is so exciting!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"This is so boring," Phoebe moaned. They had arrived at the party about twenty minutes before.
"I know," Rachel sighed, "When's it going to start?"
"I think it already did," Chandler informed her, deadpanned.
"Wow."
"Where are Ross and Mon?" Joey wondered.
"Umm…Ross' outside with his father, who's showing him this birdhouse that he built."
They all turned to Rachel with confused looks on their faces.
"Don't look at me. It's not my dad!"
"So where's Monica?" Chandler wondered.
"I think she's helping her mother in the kitchen."
"Uh-oh, I think I hear trouble brewing in the midst," Chandler sighed.
"I don't hear it," Joey said, straining his ears to hear.
Chandler rolled his eyes and headed towards the kitchen.
"I still don't hear any fight!" Joey complained.
Rachel patted his knee, consolingly.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So Monica…" her mother began, "Where's Ross?"
"Oh, I dunno, dad grabbed him right when we got here to show him his birdhouse or something."
"Oh yes," Judy recalled bitterly, "The birdhouse."
Both Monica and Judy continued to prepare the food, silently.
"So…how are things going in the unemployed chef business?"
"Fine."
"You need a job, Monica."
Monica sighed. "I'm looking, mother."
"Ya know, if you had a husband, this wouldn't be such a problem."
"I know, mother," she responded, almost mechanically.
"Or at least a steady boyfriend. I mean you could always move in with him if things were really bad…"
"I know, mom."
"Such a shame. You should have a boyfriend by now. Where are you looking these days anyhow?"
Monica shrugged.
Judy looked at her daughter incredulously. "You are looking for a boyfriend, aren't you?"
"Of course," Monica lied.
Judy looked away thoughtfully for a moment. "I think I have the perfect person to set you up with."
"Mother…"
"No, no, you'll really like him. You know our friends, the Goldmans?"
"Yes."
"Well, their son, Michael, is thirty one, and he's so perfect for you."
Monica questioned her mother skeptically, "How is he perfect for me?"
"Well, he's handsome and a doctor. What more do you need?"
"Nothing more," Monica replied, trying to hide her sarcasm.
"You should really consider it, dear. In fact, I think they said he was stopping by today…"
She interrupted her mother, "Oh great,"
"To see you."
Monica looked on at her mother, in shock. "Excuse me?"
"That's the way you thank your mother?"
Monica smiled a fake smile. When her mother turned around, her smile was replaced with a scowl and she growled, "I don't think you wanna see the way I'd thank you…"
"What's that dear?" Judy called, "Don't talk under your breath. It's rude."
Monica rolled her eyes. "Sorry, mom."
Just then, Chandler entered the kitchen. "Hello ladies," he greeted.
"Hey Chandler," Monica replied happily.
"Toilet boy," Judy whispered under her breath.
Chandler looked away nervously.
Judy used her best, fake, pleasant voice. "Can we help you?"
"Yes, I'm very sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak to Monica for a moment."
"Do you have to speak to her now? We're working."
"It's urgent and it'll only take a second."
"Well, all right."
Monica followed Chandler out of the kitchen, quickly.
"Is there anywhere we can go to talk, privately?"
Monica looked around the house. "I guess we can go into my room."
They headed upstairs and entered Monica's former room, now weight room.
"So, this is your room?"
"Was my room."
"Right."
"What's so urgent that you had to get me up here?"
"This." He leaned in and kissed Monica passionately on the lips. After a moment, Monica leaned back and smiled.
"Thank you, but I don't think we should be doing this."
"Why not?" he whined, in a childish manner.
"Because," she whispered sharply, "My parents could come in at any moment!"
Chandler went over to the doorknob and examined it. "Isn't there a lock on here?"
"Who needs a lock? We're all family."
Chandler laughed and hugged her sympathetically.
"That was actually just my mom's code for, 'Why use a lock? I'm just going to get into your room and snoop anyway'."
"Sounds like my mom. Except that hers was code for 'who needs a lock when I'm doing the same thing as you in the next room'."
Monica laughed and buried her head in his shoulder. "Parents."
"You're telling me."
"Well, I should get back downstairs before my mom sends a search party."
He let go of Monica, but still held her hand. "Meet me back up here in a half an hour?"
"Okay!"
"Okay!" Chandler agreed.
He let go and they both headed back out to the party.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
All of the guests were sitting in the living room listening to Mr. Geller make a speech. "I'm so glad you could all be here. It's very exciting to be turning…" He turned to Judy in confusion, "How old am I turning again?"
"Jack, just sit down," Judy demanded harshly.
"Okay."
After that, the doorbell rang and Judy got up hastily to get it. "I bet it's him!"
"Who?" Ross wondered.
"Uh-oh," Monica breathed.
"Michael!" Judy greeted warmly, "It's a pleasure to see you again."
"Thank you, Mrs. Geller. And same to you."
"Oh please," Judy insisted, "Call me Judy. In fact, call me mother."
Monica sighed heavily and rubbed her temples in distress.
"Oh Monica," Judy called from the other room, "I have someone I'd like you to meet."
Ross turned to Monica, with a look of horror on his face. "Did she…?"
Monica nodded forcefully.
"What?" Rachel wondered.
"My mother's trying to…uh…set Monica up with someone."
Chandler jumped out of his chair. "What?!"
"Don't worry, Chandler, I'll get rid of him."
"You'd better."
"Or else what?"
"I'll…I'll…I'll…"
"Beat him up," Joey finished for him.
The rest of them began to laugh.
"Hey, it's not that unlikely! I punched that Richard guy in the stomach, didn't I?"
She rubbed his shoulder soothingly.
"Monica!" her mother called again, more sharply, "Come in here please."
She sighed and slowly made her way into the other room.
"Monica," Judy pointed at a tall man with dark hair, wearing an expensive gray suit, "This is Michael."
"Pleasure to meet you," he greeted. He took her hand and kissed her knuckles.
Monica forced a smile on her face. "It's nice to meet you, too." He was about to talk again, but she cut him off. "I should get going. I'll see you later."
Monica headed for the other room, but her mother chased after her. "What was that?"
"What was what?"
"You just ignored him."
"Did I?"
"No wonder you can't keep a boyfriend. Now sit down and talk to him!"
"Urgh, fine!"
Judy practically dragged Monica back to the door, where Michael was still standing. "So, you two should get to talking."
"Right…"
"I'll just leave you kids alone."
"So…" Michael began.
"So…"
Suddenly, the rest of the gang entered the room where Michael and Monica were sitting.
"Thank you," she mouthed to them as they sat down.
"Michael, I'd like you to meet my friends." She pointed to each while saying their names, "Rachel, my brother Ross, Joey, Phoebe, and Chandler." She smiled reassuringly at Chandler after she said his name, and he smiled back.
"You guys," Joey complained, "I'm so bored! When's the food coming out?"
"Soon Joey," Monica assured him, "Soon."
"Fine, but if it doesn't come soon, I'm raiding your 'fridge."
"Okay, deal."
The friends continued to talk, completely leaving Michael out of their conversation. However, Michael noticed the sweet looks that Monica was giving Chandler and he began to become jealous.
"So Chandler?" He began, "That's an interesting name."
"Yeah well…"
"Sounds kind of…sissy to me."
"It isn't actually," Phoebe informed him, unaware that he was trying to insult Chandler, "I knew this tough Chandler who used to beat the crap out of street thugs. He lived in an abandoned barn house. Although, I did know a Michael who was very wimpy, not that I think about it…"
"Oh no, wait," Chandler directed to Michael, "That's you."
The food was finally brought, cutting through the intensity that had filled the room. People got up and began to serve themselves, although Joey piled almost all of the food on his own plate.
"Can I get you some food?" Michael wondered.
"Yeah."
Chandler stared at her, surprised.
"If you could get me a lot of everything…like three plates full…that would be great."
Chandler smiled, when he realized what she was trying to do.
"Okay…"
Monica smiled sweetly. "Thank you."
Michael left to get the food, and Chandler squeezed Monica's hand. "Wanna go back into your old room?"
"Okay!"
Chandler and Monica headed upstairs to her old room hastily. When they got in, Chandler shut the door and began kissing Monica. He pushed her down gently onto the treadmill and began to kiss her neck.
"You know what I just realized?"
"Mmm…?"
"This is probably the most action my room's seen…ever."
"Mmmhmm…"
"What if someone comes in?" Monica worried.
"Don't worry. Everyone's too busy eating to notice. You know how people get around food."
"You're right."
Chandler pulled her shirt off of her and she took of his shirt and pants. They continued kissing until they heard a light taping on the door, and they froze.
"Monica," Judy
called through the door, "What are you doing in there? And why did you send
Michael to get you all that food. You're not gaining weight again, are you?"
Chandler and Monica watched in horror as Judy turned the doorknob and came
inside. She gasped at the sight in front of her. "Monica!"
"Mom…"
"Please, finish," her mother insisted sarcastically. With that, she turned and left the room in a huff.
Monica looked towards Chandler who was wearing a look of sheer terror on his face. When he noticed her, he turned to her and forced a smile on his face. "Hey it could've been worse. She could've walked in on us while we were actually…"
"Don't even finish that thought!"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So, I heard your mom got a nice view of Chandler's ass," Rachel whispered to Monica when she and Chandler had came back downstairs.
"Ha, ha, it's so funny. My life is just one big funny joke, isn't it?!"
"Yeah, it pretty much is," Joey chuckled. He then turned to Chandler. "Dude, you got caught by her mother?! That's like what used to happen to me in high school!"
"Yeah, well Chandler's making up for all the time he lost then," Phoebe replied.
"Way to hit a man when he's down, Pheebs."
"Is mom really upset?" Monica wondered nervously.
"Well, after announcing to dad what she saw in front of the entire room, I think it's safe to say yes, she's really upset."
"Yeah, and I wouldn't go in there, if I were you guys," Rachel advised, "You two don't look all that good right now."
"It figures something like this would happen."
"You just couldn't keep your hands off her for a few hours?" Ross wondered in disgust.
Chandler just shrugged and looked sheepish.
"I think that there were two guilty parties here," Phoebe teased.
"Phoebe!"
"Right, not a time to joke. I should've realized that since Chandler wasn't making jokes…"
"What do you think I should do, you guys? She's gonna hate me even more now!"
"She doesn't hate you."
"Yeah right."
"Just tell her that you're in a meaningful relationship with a man who you're in love with."
"Do I have to tell her about the love part?"
They all nodded back at her.
"Okay…"
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When the party was over, Monica entered the kitchen, where her mother was feverishly cleaning the dishes.
"Mom…"
Judy just shook her head and went back to cleaning.
"Mom, will you just listen to me?!"
"What? What could you possibly have to say that could make this any better?"
"I love him."
Judy looked at Monica skeptically.
"What? You don't think that I could love him? You just…you don't see what I see."
"I almost did today."
"No! That's not what I mean. Mom, he's a great guy. And yeah, maybe he's a little immature at times, but he's a guy! I'd be worried if I knew a guy who wasn't immature."
Judy paused pensively for a few moments, "Do you really love him?"
"Yeah."
"And he makes you happy?"
"Very."
"And you're using condoms and birth control pills?"
Monica bit her lip and smiled uncomfortably. "Mom please…I'm not that stupid."
Judy looked at her daughter, unconvinced. "I'll get a prescription on Monday."
"Well then, I just hope that…things work out for you."
Monica smiled widely. "Really?"
"Yeah. I mean it may take a while to get adjusted to the fact that he's the same guy who flung a water balloon last year, but I'll try."
"Thank you, mom."
"Now go convince your father not to bash Chandler's head in."
Monica laughed, but sobered when she saw her mother's serious expression. "I'm on it." With that, she hastily left the kitchen.
Ok, well again, I apologize for any mistakes and if it's worse than usual, but I'm about ready to sleep for thirty years. Well, not really, but anyways, please leave me a review! Thanks! :o)
