TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 13

Ok, haylo! I'm baaaaack! Anywayz, I started writing this up in study hall today (well by the time I post it, it'll probably not be today)…my last study hall this year *sob*. Second semester starts tomorrow and I have creative writing in place of study hall. I'm so nervous! I'm gonna be the worst writer in the class! Ahh! Anyway, enough about my weird anxieties, I have to give some background before u read. Okay, so Joey has now moved out of his and Chandler's place, BUT Eddie has not moved in yet. He annoys the hell outa me. (yes more than Janice! lol) Anywho, on with the show…

Disclaimer: I don't even own the clothes on my back…

          The night that Joey moved out, Monica entered Chandler's room, and found him lying on his bed dejectedly.

"Hey," she greeted cautiously.

Chandler just moaned in return.

"Aww sweetie," she soothed, "It'll be okay."

Chandler sat up, visibly upset. "Will it really?! Really?! How?!"

"You'll still stay friends with Joey and you'll find a new roommate."

"What if I don't want a new roommate?" Chandler challenged stubbornly.

"Fine, then live alone. Whatever you want. It's your choice. Either way, it's a new beginning for you and you just have to deal with it. We've all done it. You did it when Kip moved out."

"Well, what if I don't want a new beginning to deal with?"

Monica smiled and rubbed his arm. "Tough."

Chandler scowled at Monica.

"You know what'll make you feel better?"

Chandler's eyes lit up. "A game room!"

"That wasn't what I was thinking, but okay…"

Chandler smiled seductively. "Were you thinking of what I'm thinking of right now?"

"Yeah! Where's your broom?!"

Chandler rolled his eyes. "Babe, how many times have been through this? That's what cheers you up."

Monica pondered his comment for a moment. "Hmm…well if I'm happier, then you'll be happier, too."

"Right…"

"So, where's the broom?!" Monica asked excitedly.

Chandler closed his eyes and pointed at his closet unenthusiastically. Monica searched the closet for a minute and then pulled out the broom. However, she found something that sparked her interest. She knelt down and looked over to Chandler, who still had his eyes closed. Curiously, she opened a box in his closet and suddenly laughed at what she saw.

"What's so funny?" Chandler wondered, still keeping his eyes shut.

Monica was laughing hysterically at that point. "N…nothing," she managed to spit out between fits of giggles.

Chandler opened his eyes and gasped in horror. "Mon…did you…?"

"Find your books?" she finished, trying to contain her laughed.

"I…I…" he stuttered.

"Yes?"

He mumbled incoherently.

"That's what I thought," Monica answered complacently.

"It's not what you think…"

"It's not?" Monica asked mockingly. "So the books Sex for Dummies and How to Please Your Woman in Bed have nothing to do with what I'm thinking?"

"Okay, so maybe it is what you think. Please, please, please don't tell anybody!"

"It's not that embarrassing."

"Right," he agreed, unconvinced, "Not embarrassing…"

"I said not that embarrassing."

"Come on, Mon. You won't tell?"

"I dunno…what's in it for me?"

"Mon, I bought these when we first got together!" He looked away embarrassed, and continued, "I wanted to…ya know…keep you happy."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. I don't wanna lose you."

"Aww Chandler, sweetie. You'll never lose me! Not to something as trivial as how good you in bed. What matters is that I love you for who you are."

Chandler smiled shyly.

"I love you," she said and kissed him softly, "You are the sweetest."

"I know," Chandler joked and she swatted him playfully on the shoulder.

Suddenly, Chandler looked away, deep in thought.

"What's wrong?"

"See, we love each other, right?"

"Yeah…?"

"And we have a great relationship."

"Yeah…?"

"I know what I should do for a roommate."

Monica looked at him, completely baffled. "What?"

Chandler hesitated and ran his fingers through his hair. "You…should…move in with me."

Monica was completely stunned by his request. "W..what?!"

"No, think about it!" He sat up in excitement and continued, "We could live together. Ya know, I'd wake up every morning and the first thing I would see is your beautiful face."

"I'm not that beautiful in the morning," Monica reminded him, "Plus, we do that anyway."

"Yeah, but this would be different. I mean this wouldn't be my apartment, it would be our apartment. This wouldn't be my bed, it would be our bed."

"I dunno…"

"Come on Mon! It could be so great!"

"Yeah, but I mean, Chandler, this is a huge step. We haven't even been dating for a half a year yet. Most couples don't do this until they've been together for at least a year!"

"Yeah, but we've known each other for like…five years before we started dating. So technically, we've known each other longer than most couples."

"I know, but…"

"Look," Chandler interrupted sadly, "If you don't wanna, then that's okay."

Monica stared into Chandler's pleading blue eyes and couldn't resist. A small smile crept upon her face. "So, when should I move in?"

*~*~*~*~*~*

          That afternoon, Chandler practically dragged Monica down to Central Perk with him. When they entered, the rest of the gang was settled in their usual spot around the orange couch.

"We have some big news!" Chandler announced.

"Oo, fun let me guess!" Phoebe demanded, "Umm…you two are breaking up?!"

"Why would we be excited about that?" Monica wondered.

"I don't know," Phoebe moaned exasperated, "You two can be really strange sometimes."

"This is coming from the woman who believes that each individual blade of grass has a name…"

"Come on, what's the big news?" Rachel whined impatiently.

"Well…" Chandler turned to Monica with a smile on his face, "Do you wanna tell or should I?"

Monica plastered a fake smile on her face. "No, sweetie, it was your idea, so you should tell."

"Okay."

"What is it already?!" demanded Rachel.

"Well, since Joey moved out…Monica and I have decided…to live together."

Ross spit out his coffee and began coughing loudly.

"What?!" Rachel and Phoebe demanded simultaneously.

Joey stood up quickly in anger. "I move out and you replace me the same day?! I'm hurt!"

"Relax Joe, it's not like you two were dating," Monica joked.

Joey attempted to stifle his tears. "I know."

Monica rolled her eyes at Joey.

"Woah," Rachel began, "You two have barely been dating for a half a year!"

"We know, but we think we're ready," Chandler answered.

The rest looked towards Monica, so she nodded her head slowly.

"Wow," Phoebe breathed, "So you two are actually serious?"

"Hey!" They both yelled.

"Well, it's just…it's Chandler."

"Good point," Chandler agreed.

"Yup," Monica replied.

"So…what's with the sudden commitment?" Ross wondered.

"Well, I mean I've…I dunno…" he looked away sheepishly, "I've never felt…this way…about anyone before."

"Aww," Phoebe and Rachel sighed.

Joey and Ross began to laugh.

"Hey!"

Joey tried to contain his laughter. "Sorry man. It's just…I never thought the day would come."

"Yeah, but we're happy for you guys," Ross informed them, "If this is actually what you both really want."

The rest agreed with Ross.

"It is!" Chandler answered enthusiastically.

Monica nodded, less intensely, along with him.

"Well then, great!" Phoebe cheered.

"Yeah," the rest chimed in.

"You can't think of even one tiny, minute reason why we shouldn't move in together?" Monica tried.

Ross patted Chandler on the back encouragingly. "Not if you guys want to do it."

Monica plastered a fake smile on her face. "Great…"

Suddenly, Rachel gasped in horror. "Who's gonna be my roommate?"

"I…I…I could move in," Ross suggested.

Rachel raised her eyebrows. "You've got to be kidding me."

"No, look! I mean it's my grandmother's apartment, too."

"Umm…ya know, let me think about it for a minute."

He looked at her expectantly.

"Umm…no."

"Why not?"

"Because…we've barely dated for a month…"

"So?"

"No."

"Come on, Rach."

"Ok, I'm gonna get going."

"Please."

"No."

She stood up and began walking out of the coffee house. Ross followed her out. "Please!"

The rest of them watched them exit and then looked back at each other.

"Wow," Phoebe muttered.

"What has happened to all the guys?!" Joey wondered angrily.

"They've matured; something you should really do," Monica advised.

Joey looked away pensively. "I guess you're right."

"Now this, I'd like to see," Chandler commented jokingly.

"Now, this new mature Joey," Joey wondered, "He can still have sex, right?"

"Yes, but only if he calls the woman back and plans on having some sort of relationship with her," Phoebe explained.

Joey looked at his friends for a moment. "So, this new, mature Joey…he can wait another five years, right?"

The other three rolled their eyes and nodded.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Later that afternoon, Rachel, Phoebe, and Monica were congregated in Monica and Rachel's apartment.

"So, you're really gonna move in with him," Rachel checked.

"Well, it doesn't look like I have much of a choice."

"But you don't want to?" Phoebe clarified.

"Well, I do, but it's just…it's such a big step and, like, we haven't been dating for that long."

"So then tell him."

"But you should've seen him…how happy he was…the way his eyes were dancing and his big, sweet smile…"

"Monica, Chandler's like that when there's a new episode of Beavis and Butthead on, too."

"Yeah," Phoebe agreed, "It won't hurt him if you told him the truth."

"I guess so…" Monica relented.

*~*~*~*~*~*

          Monica entered Chandler's apartment that night and searched around for Chandler.

"Chandler?"

He came out of his room holding some clothes. "Hey there, soon-to-be roomie!"

Monica bit her lip. "Yeah, about that…"

"Isn't it great?!"

"Umm…Chandler…the thing is…maybe…we should…wait a little…before we, umm, move in together."

Chandler stopped suddenly and looked up at Monica, shocked. "W--what?"

"No Chandler, wait. The thing is…I mean, I think it's too fast, ya know? I like how things are right now!"

"Really?"

"Yeah." She moved closer to Chandler and rubbed his arm. "It's not that I don't love you and love our relationship…it's that I want to make sure we work everything out so that we're together forever."

Chandler smiled. "Okay." He then began to laugh. "Wow, can you believe that I'm the one who wanted to move our relationship to the next level and you didn't?"

Monica looked away for a minute. "Huh…"

Chandler wrapped his arms around her from her back. "It's okay. I'm sure you'll be the one to make the next move."

She turned around and kissed him. "Yeah, you're right. I will be."

"So, will you help me interview for a roommate?"

"Of course!"

"Cause, you need to like whoever moves in here, too, since, I hope you'll be around here a lot still."

"Of course I will be."

"And I need to make sure he won't hit on you."

"So, you want a gay guy?"

"Don't flatter yourself. Not every guy who's straight hits on you." He laughed at Monica's insulted look. "I'm just kidding. I have my work cut out…"

"Don't worry 'bout it, you have an advantage."

"What's that?"

She ruffled his hair. "You're just so cute."

"Yeah, I know."

She laughed and kissed him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So, Ryan, what do you do for a living?" Chandler asked a tall, dark haired man, the next day.

"Well, I'm a stripper at…"

Chandler cut him off, "Ok, that's enough for now. Don't call us, we'll call you."

"That's it? You don't need me to show you anything?"

"No!" Chandler answered hastily, "That's quite all right."

When he left, Monica turned to Chandler. "He seemed nice."

"Ha, ha, ha."

There was another knock at the door. "I guess that's the next person on the list…umm…James."

Chandler opened the door to reveal a short, stout man with glasses. "Hi, I'm James," he greeted, "I'm interesting in this apartment."

"Ok, great. I'm Chandler Bing," he pointed to Monica, "And, this is my girlfriend Monica."

"Nice to meet you both."

"So, James, what do you do for a living?"

He pushed his glasses up his nose. "I'm a pharmacist."

"I see. So you could hook me up with some prescription drugs?" Chandler kidded.

"No."

Chandler smiled sarcastically. "Right. Anyway, umm…do you have any…umm…weird habits?"

James looked at Chandler, baffled. Monica rolled her eyes and decided to clarify. "What he means is, do you have any habits like…umm…sleepwalking or playing the drums or anything."

"Oh, no, no. I'm quite quiet."

"Great. Well do you have any questions for me?"

"Umm…yes, actually, one question. Do you have any place where I could keep my incubator?"

Chandler raised his eyebrows. "Incubator?"

"Yes, well, you see, I have some snake eggs."

Chandler's voice squeaked. "Snakes?"

"Yes."

"Do you have any other…pets?"

"Well, I have to keep the rats alive that they eat."

Chandler and Monica both grimaced at his comment.

"And my tarantulas and my ant farm."

"Woah."

"Yeah and you wanna watch out for the tarantulas and the snakes. They're poisonous."

Chandler cleared his throat nervously. "You keep…poisonous animals?!"

"Yeah."

Monica smiled politely. "Don't call us, we'll call you."

When he left, Monica hugged Chandler's shocked figure. "He's gone sweetie. Try to breathe."  

"Wow, the people of New York really are freaks."

"So, who's next?"

"Umm…" Chandler scanned his list, "Jennifer."

"Jennifer?" Monica asked angrily, "A woman?!"

"Oh, are you not okay with me rooming with a woman? Because I won't do it if you don't…"

"No, don't be silly!"

"Okay then."

Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"That must be her."

"Oh joy," Monica said sarcastically.

Chandler opened the door, revealing a beautiful blond haired woman.

"Hi, I'm Chandler…"

Monica cut him off. "Sorry, the room has been taken!"

"Really?"

"What?" Chandler wondered.

"Yeah, we're so sorry. Have a nice day. Buh bye now." Monica shut the door in her face.

"So who's next?" Monica asked.

Chandler smiled at her teasingly. "You were jealous."

"Was not."

Chandler gave her an unconvinced look.

"Yeah, well…you've been jealous more than me!"

"Good one," Chandler quipped, eliciting a smack on the arm from Monica.

"Okay, I've got one more person on the list."

"Who?"

"A guy named Eddie."

"Ha, ha, ha."

After a few minutes, there was yet another knock on the door. Chandler opened it, revealing a short, plump man with thick glasses and a fake looking mustache.

"Are you Eddie?" Chandler wondered.

"Y…yeah, sure."

Chandler studied him closer. "You're the guy with the poisonous animals again!"

He laughed nervously. "What poisonous animals?"

"Get out."

"Fine, but you should know that I would make a great roommate!"

Chandler pushed him out the door, and closed the door. James then yelled through the door, "I'll even give you one of my snake eggs! Oh, come on!"

Chandler ran his fingers through his hair. "This is hopeless!"

"No, wait, Chandler. There's still this one last person."

"Right. I bet he's just as unsuited as the rest of these people."

"You never know."

Just then, there was another knock on the door. Monica went to open it, but was stopped by Chandler. He looked out of the peephole and sighed. "It's not that insane snake guy."

Chandler opened the door, revealing a man with spiky hair and a devious smile. "Hi…I'm Eddie," he chucked uneasily.

"Hey, I'm Chandler."

"And I'm his girlfriend, Monica," she chimed in.

"So, do you keep any poisonous pets?"

"Well, I, uh, have a, uh, goldfish, but I don't think it's, uh, poisonous." He laughed an annoying chuckle.

"Great. So, any other annoying habits? Having loud parties, stealing other guys' underwear, umm…sleepwalking, or stealing other guys' girlfriends?"

Eddie chucked again. "No, none of those things. Oh and don't worry about me stealing your girlfriend. I don't go for girls like her."

"Excuse me?! Well, what do you go for, guys?"

"No."

Chandler smiled triumphantly. "Well, that's all I need to know."

"I have a question!" Monica demanded, "Why am I not your type?"

"Well…"

Chandler poked him in the side and whispered in his ear, "Don't answer that, man."

He shrugged and laughed again. "Sorry."

"Great, your perfect! Saved the best for last! You've got the apartment!"

"I do? Great, uh, thanks! I gotta go get my stuff. I'll swing by around 10 AM tomorrow."

"Great, see you then."

Eddie exited the apartment and Monica turned towards Chandler in a huff. "I don't like him."

Chandler kissed Monica and then smiled. "Well, he doesn't like you, and that's what counts."

"Urgh!"

He leaned in to kiss her again when there was another knock on the door. Chandler opened the door and James was standing outside there, again. This time, he was holding a huge cage.

"Come on," he lifted the cage to eye level, "Look at this face!" He pointed to the snake, "How could you leave this poor, innocent snake homeless?! And her children--think of her children!"

Chandler backed up into his apartment in fear. "Monica, call the police."

Ok, I…uh…started this on Tuesday…lol. It's only…Friday now. Phew, took me a while there. I've been lazy this week. He, he…Jeremiah was a bullfrog! I love that song! I taught it to all my friends a few years ago…lol. Ok, if u saw last night's epi, then u know what I'm talking about. That made the episode for me, cuz I wasn't too fond of the rest. Anyway, please leave me a review! Thanks!:o)