TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 15
Ok, I haven't really updated this fic more than once a week recently, but hey, I'm home sick w/ nothing else to do. Don't ask me what I've got—it's like a cross between a stomach virus and the flu…I dunno…that's just what it feels like. Anyway, I hope this chapter is okay cuz I actually paid attention to Eddie while watching the episodes with him, in order to write this. *Grr* I can't stand him! He's like…I dunno…really annoying. Am I the only one who feels that way? Ok, so please read and review, tankies!
Disclaimer: I own NOTHING, seriously. {And for last chap. SFGrl—I definitely didn't think of the possibility that someone who works for the publishing company could in fact read this. So, I am saying now, I DO NOT OWN THE BOOK SEX FOR DUMMIES! Ha, ha, you're in my a/n again! ;-) Please don't sue me.}
Chandler entered his apartment and noticed Eddie sitting on one of the stools at the counter. "Hey Edd…ahhh…"
Eddie looked up and smiled. "Hey buddy!"
"Wha…what is on the table?"
"Oh this?" he wondered, gesturing to the jar on the table, "That's my grandmother's gallbladder."
"Do I dare ask?" he breathed. "W…why do you have that?"
"She left it to me in her will. Isn't it cool?"
"No!! That's gross! That is part of…part of…a body!!!!!!!"
"Exactly!"
"Hmm…I gotta go."
"Already? But you just came in." Eddie chucked and Chandler grimaced.
"Yeah, well I remembered something I had to do."
"Ok, well, see ya later, buddy!"
"Buh bye now!" Chandler quickly ran out of his apartment and down to Central Perk.
*~*~*~*~*
"You guys, he's insane, I'm telling you!"
"A gallbladder?!" Ross wondered, disgusted, "What is with the guy?"
Chandler shook his hands in annoyance. "I don't know!"
"Well, maybe you're just not giving him a chance," Suggested Phoebe.
"Excuse me?! The man has a gallbladder in a jar for crying out loud!"
"You should be more open-minded to other people's rituals."
"You're right," Chandler said sarcastically, "I will try that."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. As soon as he acts like a human."
"Urgh!"
Ross laughed. "Maybe you should live him, Pheebs."
"I would, but ya know, my grandmother."
"Damnit!"
Ross gave her a look.
"Ya know, you think that you can't get a roommate odder than Joey, but apparently, you can."
"Guess licking spoons and putting them back in the drawers doesn't look as bad now, does it?" Phoebe teased.
"Well, maybe you should just stick it out," Ross suggested, "I mean you can't just kick the guy out on the street. That'd just be cruel.'
Chandler grumbled, "Yeah, well, he belongs there!"
*~*~*~*~*~*
That afternoon, Monica was sitting in her apartment when there was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?" She called through the door.
"It's Eddie."
Monica opened the door. "Yes?" Monica replied shortly.
Eddie chuckled. "Are you still upset that I, uh, don't find you attractive?"
Monica shook her head. "No, of course not!"
"Oh okay then. Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any sugar I could borrow."
"Yeah, what are you making?"
"I dunno."
"Okay…"
"So, Monica…" he began.
"Yes?" She handed him a cup of sugar.
He cleared his throat. "I uhh…I guess I didn't really come here to borrow sugar."
"Excuse me?"
"I came here to tell you…god, I bet you'll hate me after this," he chuckled nervously.
"What?"
"Well…umm…my ex-girlfriend came around the apartment earlier, and umm…Chandler slept with her."
Monica looked at him, unconvinced. "And how do you know?"
"I saw them."
"Right."
"Fine, don't believe me. But if he begins to avoid you, know that it's cuz he's too guilty to face you."
"Get out of here!" he yelled.
"Okay, okay. Don't have to tell me twice." However, Eddie made no move for the door.
Monica glared at him. "Out! What? Do I have to swat you with a broom?"
He laughed. "Right." After that, Eddie raced out the door.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Hey buddy," Eddie greeted as he entered his and Chandler's apartment.
Chandler rolled his eyes. "Hey."
"I was just at Monica's borrowing some sugar, and well…"
"What?"
"Did you know that Monica's pregnant?"
Chandler laughed. "What are you talking about?"
"She is. I overheard her talking."
"Talking to who?"
"To that blond girl."
"Which blond girl?"
"There's more than one?"
Chandler sighed. "Did she have darker blond hair or lighter blond hair?"
Eddie thought for a moment and then chuckled his annoying laugh, yet again. "Come to think of it, it might've been both."
"I don't believe you. She'd tell me if she were pregnant."
"Would she?"
"Y..yes."
"Well, I heard her tell those blonds that she was afraid that you'd leave her, so she's not gonna tell you yet."
"You're lying."
"Oh yeah? Fine, think what you want. But when she begins to ignore you out of guilt, Buddy, don't come crawling back to me."
Chandler just scrunched his forehead in confusion.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
That night, the gang, minus Chandler, gathered in Central Perk while drinking coffee. Chandler entered a few minutes later, and nervously glanced around. Cautiously, he sat next to Monica on the couch armrest, and he noticed Monica move away, ever so slightly.
"Could it be?" he wondered. "Nah. Could it?" He looked down at Monica again who was listening to the conversation going on between the others.
Meanwhile, Monica pretending to listen to the conversation around her, however, all she could focus on was how nervous Chandler seemed around her. "Oh my God, Monica, you're crazy to think that about Chandler." She glanced back up at him, who was staring at his hands on his lap. "Or am I?"
Eddie suddenly entered Central Perk. "Hey buddy," he greeted Chandler while patting him on the back. "How are things going?"
"Great," Chandler said through clenched teeth.
"What's wrong, Chandler?" Rachel wondered.
"Nothing."
"Nothing?" Monica wondered incredulously, "Nothing at all?"
"Yes, nothing." Chandler turned to Monica suspiciously. "Is there something wrong with you?"
"Nope. Nothing."
"Good."
"Good," Monica agreed.
"Will you two shut up?!" Joey demanded, "I'm trying to listen to a story here!"
They both apologized to Joey and he went back to listening to Phoebe's story.
Eddie turned to them. "Yeah, what is up with you guys?"
Chandler looked at Eddie, wide-eyed. "How could you not know?!"
"Yeah!" Monica agreed, "I thought you saw them!"
"What?" Chandler wondered.
"Oops."
"What?!"
"Nothing."
"No, what?!"
"How could Eddie not know what?" Monica used as a counter-attack.
"Nothing."
"What are you guys talking about?" He patted Chandler on the back again. "I don't know, uh, what's up with you two. You guys are a little crazy sometimes."
Chandler gave him a puzzled look. "And what are you!?"
Eddie laughed again, and both Monica and Chandler scowled.
"Well, gotta go. See ya pals!" With that, Eddie exited the coffee shop.
"Are you cheating on me with Eddie's ex?!" Monica blurted out.
"What? No! I would never do that to you!"
"Well then why are you avoiding me?"
"Because Eddie told me…" Chandler trailed off.
"What?"
"I think the maniac screwed us over."
"What?"
"He told me that you were pregnant."
Monica began
laughing hysterically. "Believe me, if I were pregnant, you would be the
first to know!"
Chandler looked at her skeptically. "What? You'd find out when I was announcing
it to everyone I know."
"That sounds more likely."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that night, Monica entered Chandler's apartment and, after scanning the room quickly for Eddie, hurried off to Chandler's room.
"I don't see him anywhere," she informed Chandler, once she got inside.
"Thank God!"
"So, we're all alone. What are you gonna do about it?"
"I dunno. I guess you'll have to come over here and find out."
Chandler and Monica got under the covers and began kissing each other and removing their clothes. Suddenly, Chandler stopped.
"What the hell was…?" Chandler was cut off by the door opening.
"Hi ya, pals!" Eddie exclaimed, "Wanna play some scrabble?"
Monica ducked under the sheets and Chandler looked at Eddie in horror. "Eddie! What are you doing in my room?! Can you not see that I need some privacy?"
Eddie looked from Chandler's face to the lump under the covers that was Monica.
"You're busy?"
"Yes."
"Oh okay. You don't have to tell me twice." However, again, Eddie made no attempt to leave.
"Get out, get out, get out!"
"Fine," Eddie huffed and left the room.
Monica peeked out from other covers and shared a horrified look with Chandler.
"Okay, so the psycho must leave."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next morning, Chandler entered Monica and Rachel's apartment. The rest of the gang was already there.
"Hey Chandler," Rachel greeted.
He just mumbled angrily in response.
"Somebody's cranky," joked Ross.
"Yeah," Phoebe added to the teasing, "I wonder who didn't get to finish what they started last night."
Chandler looked on at the four of them with wide eyes. "You all know?!" he asked in a high-pitched, offended voice. Then in turned to Monica, and in that same tone said, "And you told them?! Don't we have any secrets anymore?"
Monica looked sheepish. "Sorry, it just slipped."
"How did it 'just slip'?"
"Well, they entered the apartment and asked me what was up…"
Chandler sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Thanks."
"Hey, if you want to finish up from last night, we'll be more than willing to leave…" Rachel offered jokingly.
"Hey, no fair! I'm in the middle of my breakfast!"
The five of them looked at Joey, amused.
"Oh," he looked away, embarrassed, "You were joking."
"There ya go."
"So, looks like you're screwed, Chandler," Phoebe informed him.
"Wow, thanks for all the support you guys."
"I'll think of something," Chandler mumbled as he left the apartment.
Ok, that's it! The rest…well just picture that Eddie moves out in the same way cuz I LOVE that part. There's no way in the world I could change it. I keep ending up with the same ending. Sorry if it disappoints anyone. :-( You can think of this chapter as the recent episodes of Friends, if you'd like. Ya know, nothing really seems to happen and nothing really seems resolved. Anyway, please leave me a review, thanks!
