TOA The Lesbian Wedding-Chapter 16

Hi!!! I'm baaaack! Yes, I know it has been a while, but I've been working on a short story for Creative Writing, and it really took up a lot of my time and umm…thought waves. Anyway Anyshmay, I want to thank you all for your not so helpful advice on whether or not I should continue to the "third season". Lol sorries, but it didn't help me at all. It was pretty much, "Well, whatever you want." I could've figured that out on my own!! Ok, so after giving it much thought (like five minutes…hehe) I've decided to end this. Aww, I know! So sad! But I'm hoping to get a new humorous fic up in it's place, although it'll be a lot different. I'm not sure when or how I'm gonna end this series yet, of course, so I guess I should figure that out. I don't think you'd all appreciate if I just ended it. With that said, please read and review. Here's chapter 16…

Disclaimer: In this world full of greed and materialism, does it really matter who owns what? All right, it does. (all that leads to one thing) But I don't own these characters.

On Sunday morning, Joey and Chandler sat in their apartment eating breakfast.

"Hey, why are we eating breakfast here?" Chandler wondered suddenly.

Joey looked around. "I don't know."

"Oh well."

There was another pause, and the two ate in silence.

Chandler looked up suddenly. "I didn't know we had cereal."

"Yeah? I just figured you had bought it."

"No, why would I buy cereal?"

Joey shrugged.

Chandler picked up the box of Coco Puffs and began to read, "Expires June 12th, 1992."

Joey raised his eyebrows, but continued eating. "I thought it was a little harder to chew."

"What about the milk?"

Joey picked up the milk that was sitting on the counter next to him. "April 21st."

Chandler looked down at his watch. "Hmmm…only a month expired."

"Yeah, not too bad."

"Smells bad."

"We'll probably end up puking in a few hours."

"Oh well. Nothing we can do about that now."

"Nope."

Suddenly, the door opened and Monica and Rachel rushed inside. They walked past Chandler and Joey and headed straight towards Chandler's room. He gave Joey an amused look and turned around.

"Can I help you two?"

"Don't worry about it," Rachel called through the open door.

"Are you planting bugs in my room or something?"

"No!"

Chandler got up and headed towards his room to find Rachel browsing through his closet and Monica searching his drawers. Joey then entered after him and laughed.

"Mon, if you're looking for your satin bra, I gave it back to you."

Monica turned to him, rolled her eyes, and then went back to his drawers.

"You kept her bra?" Rachel wondered.

Chandler looked sheepish. "It felt so soft against my cheek."

"Dude, you know what other material is nice?"

"What?"

"Lace."

"Oh yeah."

"It's a little itchy though."

Chandler nodded in agreement.

Monica raised her eyebrows and Rachel cleared her throat uncomfortably.

"Anyway, we'll only be a few minutes. Don't worry about it."

"Uch," Monica cried out in disgust, "How many sweater vests do you have?!"

"Hey!" Chandler lowered his voice, "There was a sale on them a couple of months ago."

"I can't imagine why," Rachel quipped.

"Ok, are you just going to search through my things and insult my clothing without even telling me why?!"

"Hey, I'm your girlfriend," Monica informed him firmly, "I have the right to do things like this."

"Since when?" Chandler pointed at Rachel, "And what's with the accomplice here?"

"I'm your girlfriend's friend. I have the right to do things like this, too."

"So, if you get to do things that the girlfriend gets to do," Joey asked Rachel, "Do I get to do things that the boyfriend gets to do?" Chandler gave him an angry look. "Hey, a guy can try!"

Monica ignored Joey's comment. "Rach, did you find anything?"

"No, not yet. He has a lot of crap in here."

"Hey!"

Just then, Phoebe and Ross entered the apartment.

"Where is everyone?" Ross called.

"We're in Chandler's room."

"Oooh," Phoebe enthused, "What are we doing in there?"

"Can't say," Rachel called back.

Ross and Phoebe entered and looked around.

"What are you doing?" Ross wondered.

"Oh, are we looking through Chandler's stuff?! Yay! I've always wondered what Chandler kept in that box in his closet…"

Chandler turned to Monica who had buried her face in one of his sweaters, while laughing.

"Are there no secrets between us?!"

"No, not really," Rachel admitted.

"Nope," Phoebe replied and winked at Chandler.

He did a double take at Phoebe's comment.

"Ok, I've gone through the closet and found absolutely nothing."

"Uch, there's nothing in his drawers either."

"Well, maybe if you told me what you were looking for, I could help."

"No, sweetie. This doesn't concern you."

"But it concerns my stuff and Rachel?"

"Exactly."

Chandler threw his hands up in resignation. "Ok, I officially give up trying."

Monica turned to Rachel firmly. "So, I guess you know what we're going to have to do."

Rachel nodded solemnly and then broke out into a huge grin. "Shopping!" 

Upon hearing this, Chandler stood up to protest, but was silenced by Monica waving a hand in his face.

"Bing, you, me, and Rachel—The mall—In two hours. Got it?!"

Chandler sighed and saluted Monica. "Sir, yes sir!"

Monica motioned to the door and she, Rachel, and Phoebe left the room.

"Wow, dating Monica is like dating my old gym teacher," Ross recalled.

Chandler shuddered. "Please never make a comparison like that again."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "So remind me of why we are here," Chandler informed the three women as they led him into the department store.

"How can we remind you when we've never told you?" Rachel questioned.

"Right," Chandler faced her, "That was your cue to inform me."

"Now, see I did not get that," Phoebe told him.

"I see that."

"Ok, don't you remember what we're doing on Saturday?" Monica wondered.

He looked at her blankly.

"Men," Phoebe huffed.

"What? I didn't know that we were doing anything."

"We're meeting with my parents for dinner!"

"We are?"

"Yes! I told you that last week."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did! I told you when we were sitting in the coffee shop!"

"No, you didn't."

"Yes! And then Gunther spilled that glass of water all over your shirt!"

"Umm…Mon," Rachel began, "That was me."

"What?"

"It was me that you were telling then."

"It was?!"

"Yeah!"

"Oh right," Monica recalled, "And you were wearing that white blouse and it was totally see-though after that…"

"Yeah, oh my God. It was almost as if Gunther had spilled water on my blouse on purpose!"

The four began laughing, but then looked away pensively.

"Anyway," Chandler continued, bringing them back to reality, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, you have to look good for my parents."

"So?"

"So…your clothes…they're—"

"Horrible," Phoebe finished.

"Incredibly ugly."

"All those sweater vests," Monica recalled bitterly.

"What is wrong with sweater vests?!"

The three women shook their heads and continued to drag him along.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          "You have so much already. Can't I just go try the clothes on yet?" he wondered as he looked over Monica's shoulder.

"No. Don't you know how shopping works?"

"I didn't know there were laws." He began looking around hastily, "Oh no! Are the fashion police going to arrest me?"

"No, but if you don't shut up, I'll do worse!" threatened Phoebe.

Chandler backed away from the women and began to study a rack of clothing in front of him.

"How's this?" He wondered, as he showed them an orange button down shirt.

"Oh, that's nice," Rachel told him.

"Really?"

"Nice if you want to look like you were regurgitated by a cat!"

He sighed loudly and walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          An hour later, Monica found Chandler sitting on the floor next to a tie display. "Hey, it's time."

"Finally!"

"Why were you sitting on the floor?"

"Cause I was tired of standing and there were no chairs."

Monica frowned and looked across from where they were standing. "There are chairs right there."

"What?" Chandler looked in that direction, "Aww, damnit!"

Monica laughed and began to pull Chandler towards the dressing room.

"Ok, ok time to try the clothes on!" Rachel enthused.

Phoebe turned to Rachel. "Ok, somebody's a little too excited."

"I know," Rachel looked away sheepishly, "I just love shopping!"

"Doesn't it matter that I don't?!" Chandler wondered.

"NO!!" The three women answered simultaneously.

Monica sighed. "Just go try on the clothes."

"Fine, fine."

"Do you need me to help you?"

"I think I can dress myself."

Chandler began walking and then tripped on his shoelace.

"Maybe he can dress himself," Phoebe commented, "But he can't tie his shoes."

Chandler scowled at them, got up, and went inside the dressing room.

          Two minutes later, Chandler came out in a gray suit with a maroon shirt underneath.

"Wow, you are fast!" Rachel said incredulously.

"Yeah, well I had to learn to dress quickly when girls would wake up with a hangover and…well…me next to them." Chandler looked away sadly.

"Aww sweetie," Monica cooed, "Well, at least the suit looks good."

Chandler replied in a deadpanned tone, "Thanks for all of your sympathy."

"It does look good," Phoebe agreed, "But I don't like the shirt under it."

"Yeah, I agree. Umm…try the green one," Rachel decided.

"Which green one? You girls picked out like twenty different shades!"

"Umm…the mint green."

Chandler just looked at Rachel. She rolled her eyes and went inside the dressing room.

"This one!"

He laughed uncomfortably. "Right."

          A minute later, Chandler came out wearing the new shirt. Then the girls looked him over a few times.

"No," Monica decided, "The gray suit doesn't go with the shirt now."

"Maybe we should try a different suit?" Phoebe questioned.

"Maybe we should spend the entire day debating this!"

They ignored Chandler's previous comment.

"What about the dark blue?" Rachel wondered.

Phoebe nodded. "Now that may work."

They glanced at Chandler who was swinging a hanger in his hand. Suddenly, the hanger slipped, hitting him on the head.

Rachel cleared her throat.

Chandler blushed and looked up. "Hmm?"

"Try on the dark blue."

"Fun."

"Go!" Monica commanded.

"Sir yes sir!"

"Will you stop that?!"

Chandler recoiled. "Yes ma'am. I'm very sorry."

Monica pointed to the dressing room again and Chandler went inside quickly.

"Men," Monica sighed.

"At least you two have one," Phoebe commented.

"What happened to the guy you were flirting with a few minutes ago?" Rachel wondered.

"Let's just say…there's a reason why he was shopping in the ladies department."

Rachel and Monica grimaced, while Phoebe nodded in agreement.

After that, Chandler came back out with the blue shirt on. The girls studied him for a moment. "Turn around," Rachel demanded.

Phoebe giggled. "Aww, his tush looks so cute!"

Monica smiled. "I know!"

"I'd say we have a winner," Rachel decided, "What do you think?"

"Me too," Phoebe agreed.

Monica studied him for another moment and then concluded, "Perfect."

"What about what Chandler thinks?"

"Why?" Phoebe wondered, "What does Chandler think?"

"He hates this suit! It's itchy and costs way more than he will spend."

"Oh," Monica commented, "Well, it's good that what Chandler thinks doesn't matter then."

"Come on!" he complained while scratching his leg, "It's so itchy!"

"Style over comfort, Chandler," Rachel informed him.

"But—"

"Style over comfort."

Chandler rolled his eyes and went back into the dressing room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          After they paid for his suit, Chandler began to head for the door. However, he stopped when he noticed that he was alone. He looked around for a minute, and then realized that the women had stopped to admire clothing.

"Come on! We got what we were here for!"

"Noooo," Phoebe reminded him, "We got what you were here for. Now it's our turn!"

Chandler huffed and slid onto a chair in the corner of the store.

"Here." Monica threw her purse on his lap.

"You're paying me back for the suit?" he asked hopefully.

Monica chuckled. "No! You're gonna hold this for me while I shop."

"What?!"

"Hey, being a boyfriend comes with its share of duties."

"Fine."

Just then, Rachel and Phoebe both dropped their bags on his lap.

"Ok, I'll do it for Monica, but you two are crossing a line."

"Hey," Phoebe informed him, "Being a friend comes with its share of duties."

"Wh—what? Since when?"

"Since always."

Chandler groaned. "I knew being friends with women would come back to bite me in the ass."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          Chandler had been sitting there for an hour, and was utterly bored. Looking up to make sure none of the women were in sight, Chandler began to go through Monica's bag. First, he pulled out a compact mirror and looked at himself in it. Then, he began to move around the mirror, sending beams of light bouncing over the ceiling. However, he soon got bored of that, too. Next, he opened another compartment, looked inside, and grimaced.

"God, I'm glad I'm not a woman," he decided as he quickly closed the compartment.

He continued to look through the purse, until he felt eyes on him and he looked up. Two teenage guys were pointing at him and laughing. Chandler shot them a killer look, and they went away, still laughing.

Suddenly, Monica came over. "Okay, Chandler, we're ready."

"Thank God."

She took her purse from him and led him to the register. Phoebe and Rachel were already standing there, with a mountain of clothes on the counter in front of them. They all looked at Chandler, expectantly, for a few moments.

"What?"

"You're gonna pay, right?"

"What?! Absolutely not!"

"Come on," Monica slithered towards him, "For me?"

"No! Come on, I'm gonna be broke."

Rachel moved closer to him and informed him sternly, "We know that you have more money than you say you do, Chandler."

"I'll pay for Monica, but that's it!"

"Aww…Come on."

"Absolutely not!"

"Please."

"No!"

"Fine," Rachel huffed as she grabbed a pile of clothes and began to return them to their former places.

"Wow, I can't believe we can't get Chandler to back down," Phoebe whispered. He gave her a dirty look and she laughed. Phoebe then threw her purse into his arms and grabbed another pile of clothing to put back.

Chandler turned to Monica. "I may be paying for you, but pick your three favorite things or else I'm not paying."

"Fine," Monica warned, "But you should know that you're going to pay for that decision in the long run." With that, Monica also returned a pile of clothing.

Chandler ran his hands through his hair, but froze when an old lady snickered at the purse in his arms.

"What are you looking at?!" he wondered angrily.  

The woman snickered and called, "Agnes, come look at this man with the purse!"

Chandler's eyes widened and he threw the purse down on the ground.

"Manly," the second woman informed him.

He gave her a sarcastic smile and walked away, kicking Phoebe's bag beneath his feet.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

          That Saturday night, Chandler entered Monica and Rachel's apartment, wearing the suit that they had picked out for him.

"So?" he wondered.

Rachel smiled. "So cute. Just…" she grimaced, "The hair." She then got up and began to comb his hair. After she fixed his hair, she began to work on the tie.

"You can't even knot a tie right?"

"Sorry, I didn't know that I did it wrong."

"Well, you did."

When Rachel finished tying his tie, she stepped back, brushed his arms and shoulders and smiled. "As good as you're gonna get."

Chandler opened his mouth to reply, but Monica came out of her bedroom in a black sleeveless dress, interrupting him.

"Wow," Chandler breathed, "You look beautiful."

Monica blushed. "Aww thank you. You're looking pretty good, too."

"Yeah? Well, I don't feel good," he replied, as he began scratching his knee.

Monica slapped his hand lightly. "Don't scratch!"

"Remember—"

Chandler cut Rachel off with a mocking tone, "Style over comfort, style of comfort, yes I know!"

"Good."

Monica looked at the clock and gasped. "Come on, we're gonna be late!"

"Okay, we still have two hours, but sure."

Monica looked up at him angrily. "Don't test me, Bing!"

Chandler threw his arms up in defense. "Okay, okay, I'll get us a cab."

"Ok, I'll meet you down there in a minute."

Chandler turned around and headed out the door. Rachel and Monica glanced at his retreating figure and opened their eyes wide in horror.

Rachel moved in towards Monica and whispered, "Should we tell him—"

"About the huge ink stain on his jacket?"

"Yeah."

Monica thought for a moment and then sighed. "Nah. What's the use? I'm sure he'll just go and screw else something up anyway."

Ok, I hope it was enjoyable, but I've had a crappy week, so what I think is okay could just be the moodiness talking. So, please leave me a review.