Disclaimer; Yeah, what she said.

A/N Well, s'me. Elenya Aurelin. Ril-gania's computer has a virus, and being the generous soul that she is, has declined her turn, and has passed it straight to ME!!! Yayness! She's explained how this whole thing works, so I can skip that, and merely say: Dulce et decorum est, pro paria mori.

No, it wasn't meant to make sense.

***

~*~ CHAPTER 2 ~*~

As Legolas looked into her deep violet eyes, with a thousand metaphors buzzing round in his head, he knew exactly what he must do.

"Fair maiden! There is a task I am to complete by decree of my father! Please, fair lady, would you do it for me? My senses tell me that you are the only one who may complete this, with your amazing powers and beauty!" he told her, taking her hands in his.

"Good sir, I must say, whatever! I shall do this for thee. I must add, thy hair is most amazing! Like, wow!" she squealed. Legolas shuddered. Then he smiled.

"Maiden, you must trust me. Do you see that chasm?"

"Yes,"

"Walk towards the edge," he said, and followed her. She leant over the edge.

"I can't see anyth- AIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!"

Legolas dusted his hands.

"I love being me."

~*~*~

Later that day, Legolas was wondering if horses were edible. His lembas had fallen into the chasm along with Marinarwhatever. It had, on reflection, been worth it. He decided he could congratulate himself (Loudly, and in front of many adoring people) on ridding the world of a great evil.

The fleeting sensation that he had been unfair crossed his mind. He decided to allay this fear by reciting the family motto.

"He who fights dirty lives and gets to lie about the battle later, He who fights d-," he was interrupted by a beautiful sixteen year old American in tight jeans and a tank top with Mediterranean blue (or were they a startling green?) eyes and a blonde bob (it could, possibly, have been long, raven locks). She opened her mouth.

"I just slaughtered these orcs, and now I. URK!"

Legolas moodily replaced his bow.

"Mwehehehe... aw to hell, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

His horse set off at a gallop, leaving a mound of orc corpses and the even more disgusting body of a Mary-Sue in it's wake.

~*~*~

Finally Legolas arrived at the borders of Rivendell, munching on a strange fruit apparently named 'Hershey' which he had robbed from the dead girl. (Yes, he had gone back after riding & laughing manically for twenty minutes) He rode in, to be greeted by terribly cliché pink rose petals falling into his golden mane.

"OY! GLORFINDEL! STOP IT!" he hollered to the elf, who, armed with a bucket, was the cause of the aphids mating on Legolas' ear.

Passing his steed to a lesser immortal, he looked around. There were several more elves with large yellow plastic buckets emptying petals and aphids onto the heads of new arrivals. Eyeing a flashing neon sign, he realised he yet again had several choices.

Turn round and get the hell out of here.

Stay and bug Arwen by being prettier.

Go to the council, steal the ring and run away laughing.

Go on a killing spree.

(See previous answer)

I *like* sprees.

~*~*~

Plea For Reviews: I'll be short. Review. NOW.