Hermione paused and brought her reverie to an abrupt halt. "Remus, we're at the part where I have to think about…Malfoy's…I can't think about that just yet."

Lupin considered this, and said as mildly as possible, "I think you need a break, certainly, before we begin down that path. However, I wonder if I'm not the right person to be guiding you through this. My part in the story ends there, at least until you returned."

"Remus, you're my best friend at Hogwarts; I don't trust anyone more than you."

"I wasn't there when you were found. Severus was. And if I'm not mistaken, he's going through the same thought processes right now that you are. He'd never admit it, of course, but you do have to understand that he is in a great deal of pain as well; he's been burying this too, and seeing you is causing the same difficulties for him."

She looked down at her shoes. "I know. I am all too aware of the sacrifice he made. Some days I can't look him in the eye, and I know he feels the same. I don't think the two of us have really looked at one another more than 5 times since I came back, which is saying something considering we spend 5 or 6 hours a night in the lab."

"His sacrifice paled in comparison to what you went through, and he feels more responsible than you know for what happened. Certainly, he didn't have any foreknowledge, but he does feel responsible for what happened, and what you have become as a result."

"Oh? What have I become?"

Remus considered his next words carefully. "Because you can't believe in yourself, can't love yourself, are sickened by what you saw and were forced to feel at too young an age, you're driven. Always pursuing a challenge so you can't sit down and examine yourself too closely. Gods, girl, how many people have completed Auror training and worked as an Auror while going to Muggle medical school? You believe you can't love, because you have tasted a twisted form of love and believe that is all you are capable of." He put up a hand at her protest, "Yes, I know. Harry. But that was never truly love, at least that love that exists between real, committed partners; more the burying of guilt that you both felt over the circumstances of your best friend's death and your own loss of innocence and desire to make amends. You both satisfied certain needs, and I'm not saying it was a bad thing. But you are friends, not lovers, and you don't believe you deserve a real lover. Harry is not your match, no matter what Sirius thinks." He smiled at that, and she felt herself smiling also, even given the seriousness of the discussion. She knew he was right.

"I don't think I can sit in a room with Severus Snape and relive those days. It scares me."

"It's just something to think about. I am willing to sit here and talk with you, or sit in the room with both of you; I just think that talking with him about it will help."

"Ha! Oh yes, he's the touchy-feely type I need to help me through recovery." Remus was right, of course, and the sooner the better, but she didn't have to like it.

"He feels he doesn't deserve your forgiveness, much less the gratitude I know you feel. He beats himself up fairly regularly over this. I've said too much on the subject, and I'm going. You can talk to me anytime, Hermione." He leaned over to kiss her forehead and hug her, and then got up to leave.

"Stay with me," she suddenly said in a very needy voice. Turning, he saw the look in her eyes. Be strong, wolfman, he said wryly. "Honey, you know I can't. I can't play Harry's role in your life either. You need to get past this before we can even go there."

She felt quite sheepish at that, because she knew it was true. She'd laid herself emotionally bare before Lupin and it was a place she was unaccustomed to. Before she had a chance to say anything, Remus left. His own willpower wasn't too good, and he could, unfortunately, see himself in a position to accept her offer if he were certain she really wanted it. Sighing at his lot in life, he purposefully strode down to the dungeons. He knew she'd be here later, and he didn't have much time.

Lost in thought, Hermione mechanically changed clothes to her lab regalia (normally, jeans and a shirt, with robes in the halls that came off the minute she got down to the dungeons.) Had she really just propositioned Remus Lupin? Arggh, I am really in a state. I need to get back to work and just pretend my life never happened. Not that Lupin wasn't a very attractive man; she'd always found him that way, even as a third year. But he was completely right, and fortunately, stronger than her. That's why she had gone to him in the first place.

Severus Snape, on the other hand, wasn't safe at all. He did bear some responsibility for the current state of her life, after all, though probably not in the ways he thought. Gods, what a mess, she thought. And now I have to go face him. Best not to look him in the eye.

Lupin had gotten to the dungeons knowing he only had a few minutes to run his errand of mercy before discovery by Hermione. "Snape…you here?"

"Oh, my joy. To what do I owe the honor of one of the Marauders darkening my door on this evening? The full moon isn't for another day …"

"Save your pleasantries for another time, Severus. I have been with Hermione tonight, and I need to say just one thing to you so you'll be aware." Severus folded his arms and watched Lupin warily. He knew that Granger and Lupin had maintained a tight friendship since her Hogwarts days, and frankly, he envied it. All there was between Snape and Hermione was a dungeon wall of shame and fear and pain.

"She is in the process of reliving the events of six years last. She feels, as do I, that it is necessary for her to work through it again to regain some semblance of a normal life."

"Oh, I see, you've taken over as her counselor then," Snape sneered.

"Not exactly; I've provided a safe ear that also knows the other side of the story, and can fill in gaps she might not remember or have been aware of."

"Make sure you stay safe."

Sighing and not rising to the bait, Lupin continued. "That's not going to be an issue. But I feel strongly that you can help her recovery, and though you probably don't deserve my help, I think you can help yourself too."

Snape glowered and looked dangerously at Lupin. "My welfare is none of your concern."

"But hers is. And I think the two of you need to work through this. It will make you both work together better, if nothing else. Lay it bare. You both need it. I am not going to spend my time convincing you of what you know to be right. I'm leaving." Without giving Snape a chance to reply, Lupin turned and headed out the back way, as he worried that Hermione was hot on the trail.

Sure enough, she appeared at the door only seconds after Lupin had cleared the room. "Joy," Snape said in a low voice.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing. The potion is three days from ready, and according to your notes it's time for the Choirdia Charm to be placed upon it." With that, the two walked to the lab. She considered for a hint of a moment confiding in him what she had begun with Lupin, but mentally slapped herself on the head. "Not going down that road."

"Were you addressing me?" She hadn't realized she spoke out loud.

"Nothing, nothing." He considered her carefully, and thought about Lupin's admonition. Not tonight, but he would have to talk to Albus.