Choice

By Maria Szabo

Disclaimer:  X/1999 is the creation of CLAMP and the property of CLAMP, their publishers and their distributers.  No infringement is intended.  This is a work of fanfiction and no profit is being made except that of enjoyment.

A Dragon of Heaven.  She's a Dragon of Heaven.

I could kill her now.

It would be so easy.  And she's unconscious.  There would be no pain—I'd see to that.  She's lost the inugami.  It would almost be a mercy.  She's close to death already. 

I didn't have to pull her from atop the building.  If I'd left her there, she'd be dead, it wouldn't be my doing, and I wouldn't have to make this decision.  But it just seemed so unfair.  Even with the inugami, she was no match for that computer girl.  She's no match for any of us, really.  She's just a kid.

Yes, it's wrong to a person to kill.  But it's also wrong not to act if something you love is threatened.  The Dragons of Heaven are all that stand in the way of the earth's survival.  So which is the greater wrong?

It's ironic.  I was the one who didn't want to be involved in this war.  And yet, here is the battle come to me.  Maybe our destiny really IS foreordained.

She stirs a little, whimpering.  I lay a hand on her forehead and she quiets down.  Her cheeks are still glistening from her tears.  I softly wipe them clean.

She's amazing.  Shinjuku was falling around us, and she just cheerful tells me goodbye and runs into the crowd waving.  She even asked for another date.  I tried to follow, but the damn cables were everywhere.  Then the kekkai rose around me and I was trapped.  I could hear the sounds of the buildings shattering, but didn't make it to the scene until the very end.  Inuki was gone and she was on her knees crying.

Even then, I didn't quite get it.  All I knew was that the deed was done, the kekkai was dissolving, she somehow had gotten hurt and I had to get her out of there.  It never even occurred to me that she'd been part of the battle. 

I took her back home to Ichigaya because I couldn't think of what else to do.  I lied to the doctors and told them she was a relative so I could stay with her after they'd patched her up.

When she awoke, she had no thought for herself or her wounds.  She cried instead for Inuki, and the people who must have died in Shinjuku.  It was only when she blamed herself for the disaster that it finally hit me.

A Dragon of Heaven.

I did what I could for her.  She needed comforting and some straight answers and I gave her both.  I promised I'd watch over her while she slept.

And the entire time, my heart was screaming.

I should kill her now.  I should.  If it were anyone but her, I would.

Despite the sorrow I feel for the dying earth, I think I'd feel sadder if anything happened to this girl.  And there is my answer.  There is no greater wrong.  There is no lesser evil.  In not choosing, I am making my choice. I am choosing not to act.

I find her hand.  It seems so small in mine.  She wakes briefly, gives me a tired smile, then falls back to sleep, whispering my name.

Ah, Missy, if this was a battle, I think I've lost. 

FIN