To Soothe the Savage Beast

A study in contrasts, was he the animal Wolverine or the man Logan, both of them or neither? Sometimes he thought he had the answer and at other times he despaired of ever solving the mystery. Some days the beast was stronger than others and threatened to engulf the man completely. The temptation to surrender to the beast, to just let pure instinct take over was almost overwhelming. Some days he just wished to become just a predator with no awkward ethics or morals to get in the way just the basic instincts. It just seemed so simple and yet so exhilarating to slip into the feral side, to become pure and as one with nature. He resisted these urges, clung tight to his honor and hoped it would prove enough. He was a man, not an animal.

"Everyone has a feral side; it's just that yours is stronger than most Logan. I too have a rage within me, I can be as gentle as the breeze but I also wield the fury of the hurricane. I too know the dangers of allowing rage to overwhelm compassion."

Those had been Ororo's words to him today whispered in his ear when she was sure nobody else would hear. She'd looked into his hazel eyes, seen the beast smoldering in the depths and she hadn't flinched away. Instead she'd laid a comforting hand on his shoulder and just leaned close and whispered words of comfort to him. Storm, wise, regal, beautiful and majestic, she could never truly understand him.

How could she hope to understand just what went through his mind? The nightmares that still came to him sometimes of the deaths of Mariko, Silver Fox and all the others he'd failed to protect. Weapon X placing the adamantium in his bones, leaving him far more animal than man. Years later Magneto ripping free the adamantium and bringing him as near to death as he'd ever come. The nightmare that was the time when he became death, Horseman of Apocalypse and nearly killed those he loved.

The faces of his enemies haunted his dreams, so many faces, and so many battles. Sabretooth, Lady Deathstrike, Cyber, Omega Red, Bloodscream, Roughhouse, Donald Pierce, Magneto, Ogun, Cylla, Mister X and so many more. He fought against them and struck them down only for them to rise again stronger than before, reducing his sleep to an endless tide of blood and gore.

I am man, not animal but man; I am man, not animal but man.

Repeat the mantra over and over and maybe that would make it true.

I keep my claws sheathed for I shall not harm those that do not harm me.

How could he stop himself from wondering how it would feel to pop a claw through Hank's throat, to impale Ororo through the heart, to disembowel Scott or to decapitate Remy? He felt sick to the stomach when he realized he got a rush from these thoughts.

If you come at me with your fists I'll come at you with my fists. If you come at me with a sword I'll come at you with my claws. If you want some mercy show some first.

He was a killer but he wasn't a murderer. There was a difference between the two and it was an important one. He killed only those who threatened him or those he cared for and he would show mercy if only to those who deserved it.

I'm the best there is.

His personal credo and all that bothered him was, the best there is at what?

These questions and other thoughts had been preying on his mind so much in these past few days. Ever since that last desperate battle with Sabretooth which he'd come so close to losing. He'd come close to the edge in that battle maybe too close for comfort. To defeat Sabretooth he'd been forced to lose himself to the berserker rage, to fight Sabretooth on his own terms. He hadn't stopped until Creed lay broken at his feet, too wounded to do anything much except bleed. He had coughed blood and managed to defiantly snarl at Logan and tell him to finish it and end the game. Logan hadn't finished it that day, he'd been too weary and heartsick to do anything except sheathe his claws and turn his back on Creed.

He'd spoken no words to his friends; ignored Hank's urging him to come to the infirmary. Instead he'd gone out into the mansion grounds. He'd discarded the shredded shirt and jacket, kicked off his boots and ran bare-chested and barefoot into the trees. He'd lost himself to the feral side for a time, just ran and howled like a wolf. The calls of Jean, Ororo and the others were ignored as irrelevant by the beast within. He simply had no wish or need of their company at the time.

For long hours he'd delighted in all the many sensations. The feel of grass under his feet, the sharp prickle of pebbles, the feel of the earth and the cool refreshing feel of the water in the stream. The sounds of birds and rodents, the chirp of insects and all the sound that humans were deaf to. Most of all the myriad of scents combining in an intoxicating perfume. He allowed the sensations to soothe the savage beast and calm him, allowing the man to take control.

Now he was relaxed and trying to regain the delicate balance between beast and man. Kneeling back towards the mansion gazing out across the lake watching the gently lapping waves. This calmed him, the claws retracted and he folded his hands onto his lap. Eyes shut momentarily and then opened again, not a trace of the savage rage within them. His gaze was calm and unfocused, now he had achieved the desired meditative state and nothing could distract him.

"By the bright lady, how do you manage to look so magnificent to me Logan? What is it about you that makes me find beauty in you? I just wish Logan that you'd let me comfort you. I just wish old friend that you would realize that I care for you," sighed Ororo.

The wind rider floated on the breeze, serene and beautiful gazing down with compassion at the haunted feral. She drifted slowly, riding the winds to the ground, long white hair drifting like a cloud around her. She hovered just above the ground observing Logan and admitting to herself that he was wrong. He may think that he was short ugly and hairy but to her he was beautiful. Beautiful in the way a wolf is beautiful, deadly, savage but at the same time compassionate, full of grace and moving as softly as a shadow, ready with fang or claw to defend a friend, loyal to the death.

He looked for once serene and tranquil; she couldn't help but be touched at how vulnerable he looked. Hazel eyes calm for once without that feral edge to them. His broad hirsute chest rising and falling gently with his steady breath. Burly arms folded across his chest, claws sheathed. The wild hair rising from it's widows peak to the two distinctive tufts and flowing into the thick muttonchops that were his trademark. He looked not so much man as animal, a werewolf maybe or some sort of humanoid wolverine. Certainly not conventionally handsome but beautiful all the same.

"He looks so peaceful, so calm for him. Do I really have the heart to wake him?"

A mischievous smile played across Ororo's face and dusky skin deepened to mahogany as she blushed slightly. Yes the temptation was just too much; the look on his face would make it all worth it. A gesture and the gentlest of breezes ruffled Logan's hair, muttonchops rippled but Logan never stirred.

"Well looks like I'll have to get closer."

She tiptoed over and he must have smelt her and heard her. No reaction though since she wasn't a threat and he'd let her get right behind him. She looked down and smiled, a perfect target lay just before her. His feet were bare and just within her reach, surely with his heightened sense of touch he couldn't fail to react if she tickled him. She lightly scraped a nail down the sole of his foot and was rewarded by a burst of thunderous laughter.

"Hahahahaha, S-stop d-darlin, heehee, yer killin me," he begged failing miserably at a menacing growl.

"Oh so you are awake Logan. Logan there was no need for that," she shrieked outraged as the claws extended and long white tresses drifted to the ground.

"Ya looked like ya could do with a trim darlin, thought I'd do it fer ya with the claws," a throaty chuckle erupted in a guffaw as those nimble fingers reached for his ribs.

"My you are ticklish aren't you Wolverine. Still it's nice to hear you laugh,"

He couldn't stay angry with her, not when she smiled so radiantly. Logan patted the ground beside him indicating she could sit by him. He knelt beside her and placed an arm around her, needing the warmth and comfort of another human being now. She hugged him gently, tenderly knowing he wouldn't ask for the comfort. Not with words anyway but that look in his eyes, he needed comfort and she would give it to him.

"I'm glad ya came ta me darlin," whispered Logan.

"Now who would ever be able to resist a face like that Logan. By the goddess, I shall kiss you Logan,"

This she did placing a kiss on his stubbly cheek, soft lips brushing against his sideburn. Logan sighed and closed his eyes contentedly as she ran her fingers through his luxuriant glossy black hair.

"Oh darlin, don't leave me."

"Logan, I'm here to stay," purred Ororo in his ear.

She smiled, she'd only just begun to soothe the savage beast.