I did it for her
Chapter 2 – She called me William
Disclaimers: Joss owns everyone on Btvs., Angel. Occasionally I kidnap Spike and take long hot soapy showers with him but eventually I return him so others can share…..
Spike mulling over his un life and what to do now….. Angsty but just in between piece till I can get buffy and him back together…..
Rating: PG just to be safe…
Spoilers: Up to and including As you were which I really didn't like.
She called me William
I just sit here with my head hanging. Looking around and trying not to let the emotions overflow. This comforter on the bed used to be gold. Now its burnt chartreuse. Its flaking off in my hands as I touch it. I am fairly glad that we really never used the bed that much. Otherwise I would store what's left of it away like I do everything else which reminds me of her. She really left. And she called me William.
The tears come unbidden to my eyes. The way she looked when she said that. I am sorry, William. She has only called me by my human name a couple times and those times as an insult. This time it was like she was seeing the real me, behind the vampire. I think there is hope. I have to. If there was no hope, I would of walked outside today and greeted the sun for the first time in 127 years. But she saved my life again by saying that one word, William. There is hope. Maybe she sees the glimpse of myself as a human. Luckily for me she has no idea how pathetic I truly was. I look back on what I did as a human and I cringe. Then again, I look back on what I have done as a vampire and I should cringe. But I don't. I like being a vampire, have told her so on numerous occasions.
Oh sod it all. That's the crux of the problem. I don't regret being a vampire. I don't regret all the fun, mayhem and killing I did. Do I miss it? Yeah, sometimes. That's a big improvement over three years ago. Three years ago I would of done ANYTHING to get this chip out of my head and get back to the killing. Now, I am not so sure. I miss being able to hit back. Human blood is definitely better than the butchers blood. The thrill of the hunt, my fangs piercing the jugular and the life force just oozing down my throat. Its like Godiva Chocolate only a hundred times better. But hanging around these humans for the past three years has shown me they are more than just walking happy meals with legs as I used to call 'em. They are people, friends, and actually family. Well, the Nibblet is family at least. God, I am getting morose here. I don't even know if I want the chip out anymore. Having the chip has made me part of her world. Chipless, I would be another soulless vampire that just needed to be staked. I will take the chip for 100$. God I watch too much bloody television!
I need a plan. Not like my last plan. That kind of blew up in my face, literally. I should of known something that sounded that easy for lots of cash had to have a hitch in it. The biggest hitch being soldier boy coming into the place and looking for them. And not only finding them but finding THEM. Can't do anything bloody right anymore. Then I go off at the mouth trying to distract him and really muck things up worse. Bullocks, I can't even sink a corpse correctly in the river and I thought that I could baby-sit a dozen demon eggs for a week? How was I supposed to know I was supposed to freeze 'em? Captain Cardboard must have had the instruction manual. Hell, the mother or whatever it was just told me to keep 'em dry. Well, so much for the easy way.
Now what to do about Buffy? Oh, and the small matter of my crypt. I am getting bloody tired of people barging in without knocking day and night. Need someplace with a sodding key. Maybe move into the Mansion? Nobody has been living there since Peaches left. Trouble is, I don't want to remind Buffy of anything to do with that Poofter. He is long gone and I want to keep it that way. Well for now I am down to an efficiency crypt instead of a duplex. I have lived in worse and have bigger problems to solve.
Now what to do about Buffy? She still needs money. She still wants me. I want her, love her, and obsess about her. But she is right, we weren't going in the right direction. Fighting and Shagging, shagging and fighting. We had more conversation in one evening before we started shagging than we have had in the past couple months. I miss our nightly talks. She was really opening up and letting me in. Now she lets me in another way but shut me out otherwise. Can't win can I?
And she needs a future. I can give it to her (as soon as I figure out how) she just doesn't realize it yet. No one else would love her as completely and utterly as I do. I know all of her faults, her dreams and we spark like a raging inferno when we are together. I would never leave her. She must realize that by now?
The wedding is coming up. Have to cancel the tux rental since the money is not going to be forthcoming. How do I get Buffy to realize what we have? Will have to think about this one. Thinking is good at Willy's. Need to replenish my liquor supply anyway and those Goreck demons owe me a bit of money from those Pool games. Or I could check out Clems place and see if he wants to go in on a game of poker.
Anything is better than sitting here on a burnt out bed and being miserable. Off to Willy's it is then. Maybe a demon or two will be available for a spot of violence tonight. I can pretend its crew cut that I am killing.
At least he left. Wonder why? I wouldn't have given up so easily. I still am not giving up. She called me William didn't she?
Feedback: always. Still finishing up my chapter 5 and six to Chains of Darkness – and this kindof came up. Kindof have another chapter in my head to continue this on (remember the date he brings to the wedding?) – but don't know if anyone is interested since season 7 ending upon us… UGHHH.
