Standard Disclaimer: Escaflowne and it's characters don't belong to me.  I'm merely borrowing them.  Any other characters are from my own imagination.  I only write this stuff for fun, I don't make any money off of it, so please don't sue me.

Awakenings

Part Four

She awoke the next morning with dark circles under her eyes.  Taking note of Celena's tiredness, Eries became concerned that the girl had over-excited herself the day before.  When asked, Celena only replied in a quiet voice that perhaps she had done too much too soon.  She didn't tell the princess the real reason for her exhaustion; that she had been up most of the night tossing and turning after her encounter in the hallway.

Eries left the room to find Gaddes.  He was in the kitchen sitting at the table as his sisters worked on breakfast.  She told him that Celena had clearly worn herself out the day before and suggested that they head for home after breaking their fast.  He nodded in agreement.  After Eries left the room to fetch Celena, Alyssann turned to her brother, a worried expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, Gaddes.  I should have listened to you yesterday when you said that she had been sick.  What if it's my fault and she gets sick again?"

He gave his sister a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.  "Don't worry, Lyssie.  She'll be alright," he reassured her.  Besides, it's all my doing, he thought guiltily.

Genna and Alyssann exchanged looks.  Gaddes was not his usual cheery self.  What had happened? 

Genna had a feeling that her brother was more than a little in love with Celena, and thought that might have something to do with his mood this morning.  She hadn't shared her thoughts with Alyssann, however, because her younger sister was a bit impetuous at times and may have inadvertently made matters worse.  As much as he had always tried to look out for them, she had always felt a bit guilty that there had been no one looking out for him.  She thought Celena was a wonderful girl, and liked her very much.  But surely a future between the two of them would be impossible.  She sighed, hoping she was wrong, and turned back to her work. 

Alyssann didn't like the look she had seen in her brother's eyes.  For a minute he had looked very sad.  Gaddes should never be sad; he was the strong one.  He was the one that took care of things.  She frowned. 

They continued preparing the meal, both worried over their brother.

It was late afternoon when they arrived home.  Eries bid Celena and Gaddes farewell and continued on to the palace leaving the two of them alone.  Celena felt even more awkward around him without the princess' presence there to serve as a buffer.  They stood beside each other in silence for several minutes watching as Eries' carriage drove off into the distance.   A small sigh escaped Celena as it went around a bend, finally disappearing from their view. 

She was too polite to stalk off to her room without speaking to him.  Besides, she felt that she had to say something just to ease the tension between them.  She took a deep breath and turned towards him.  She kept her eyes plastered to the floor, however, having lost the courage to face him at the last minute.

"Thank you for taking me to meet your family.  I liked them very much."  He was about to speak when she cut him off.  "I think I'm a little tired so I'll be in my room for the rest of the day."  With that, she turned on her heel and fled to the relative safety of her bedroom without a backward glance.

Gaddes was left staring after her.  He made his way to his own room, silently cursing himself.  He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but there hadn't been another option.  Her confession had caught him off guard, but he realized now that he shouldn't have been surprised by her frankness; she had always been completely open with her feelings.  He wished things were different.  He blamed himself.  He should have made an effort to put some distance between them; he shouldn't have been so friendly.  But it was unlike him to be any other way.  To be honest, his feelings towards her went deeper than friendship and that frightened him more than anything.  He didn't know how it had happened; only that sometime over the past few months he had become very attached to her.  When she was sick and he had been away from her he had found himself hard pressed not to think about her constantly.

He went into his room and closed the door behind himself.  Sitting down on the bed, he pulled his boots off and fell onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.  When had his life become so complicated?

Allen came to see Celena a few hours later when he came home.  He knocked on her door before entering, a concerned look on his face.  "Gaddes said you were tired.  You're not ill again, are you?"

She shook her head causing pale strands of wispy curls to float about her face.  "I'm fine, just tired."

He sat down on the couch next to her.  "Did you enjoy your visit?"

"Gaddes' sisters were very nice," she said carefully.

He had a feeling there was something she wasn't saying; he felt her hesitation.  He was a little disappointed that she wouldn't confide in him because he felt they had grown closer since the time of her illness.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Allen.  I think I want to take a nap."  She got up from the couch and made her way to the bed.  She flopped on to the bed face down on top of the covers and wrapped her arms around a pillow, effectively dismissing him.

He rose from the couch and stood over her for a few minutes.  When she didn't speak, he sighed and left the room.  Something was not right.

.

Eries arrived for a visit the next day, much to Allen's surprise.  They had only just mended things between them and there was still a little bit of awkwardness.  He sent his house keeper, a nice older lady by the name of Luce, up to fetch Celena to the dining room for lunch but she returned saying that the young Miss was still not feeling well and wouldn't come out of her room.  Allen was becoming increasingly alarmed about his sister's mood; and it now seemed that even Eries' presence couldn't bring Celena out of her room.  She had spent most of her time shut up there since returning from her visit with Gaddes' family, a behavior which was unusual for her.  His sister was rarely found indoors, unless she was in the library or in her room sleeping.

Eries asked Allen about Celena when the girl didn't come to lunch.

"She hasn't come out of her room all day.  She claims she's tired from yesterday's activities.  She's been in a sort of depression I think, although she claims that nothing is wrong.  Well, obviously something is bothering her, but she won't talk to me about it.  Did something happen yesterday?"

Eries shook her head.  "I don't think so, although she seemed unusually somber on the way home, as well.  Perhaps it would help if I spoke with her?  Sometimes there are things a woman can only talk to another woman about."

Eries had been worried about Celena, herself.  It was, in fact, the reason for her visit.  The ride back to the villa had been quiet and uneventful, and although Eries had sensed some sort of tension between Celena and Gaddes all that morning, she had not really given it much thought.  She figured something had happened the night before, but the younger girl hadn't mentioned anything to her about it.  Eries had noticed her crestfallen look as she had entered the bedroom last night, but she had just thought that Celena had tired herself out and wasn't in the best of moods.  Looking back, she realized there may have been more to it than that.  She didn't share her suspicions with Allen, though.  Goodness only knows what he would do if he thought Celena had been hurt in any way.

Allen gave the princess a grateful smile.  "Of course.  Anything, if it will pull her out of this mood."

After lunch Eries knocked timidly on Celena's bedroom door before entering.  Celena was curled up on the couch with a blanket thrown over her small frame.  She sat up when she noticed Eries coming towards her.

"Mind if I join you?" 

Celena shook her head and Eries took a seat next to the girl.

"Why didn't you come to lunch today?  Are you not feeling well?"

The younger girl sighed and looked down at her hands which were picking at loose threads in the blanket.  It was old and tattered and she should probably throw it away, but it was one of the few remnants from her childhood that her brother had saved from being tossed out.  "I'm just tired."

Eries wasn't getting much further than Allen had; she decided to try a different tactic.  "Celena, if there's something bothering you, know that you can talk to me.  Sometimes it helps to share your problems with someone else."

She was quiet for a minute, debating.  Finally, she spoke.  "I told Gaddes that I love him."

Eries was a little taken back by Celena's frankness.  Though, she had already begun to suspect that Celena had had feelings for Gaddes for some time, she hadn't expected things to have gone this far.  "What did he say?"

"He…doesn't think we should be together.  He doesn't want me." 

She started to cry.  Eries patted her shoulder and handed her a tissue.  "Shh.  Don't cry.  Look, did he say that he didn't want you?"

"Not in those words…but his meaning was clear enough."

"Celena, listen to me.  What exactly did he say to you?"

"He told me I was too young.  He said that he didn't have time for me."

Eries sighed.  "Well, you are young." 

Celena nodded and dabbed at her eyes with the tissue. 

The princess smiled sadly.  "Sargeant Gaddes is a good man.  I think he cares about you more than he wants to admit; I've seen the way he is with you, Celena.  He might just be trying to protect you by pushing you away."

"Protect me from what?"

"Well, I daresay Allen wouldn't be very pleased if he found out.  Also, there is your age to consider."

"But Eries, Queen Millerna is my age, and she's been married for awhile now."

"True.  But, perhaps Gaddes doesn't see it that way; I know Allen won't."

Celena sighed.  "What am I to do?"

"Talk to Gaddes, tell him how you feel.  Other than that, there's nothing much you can do.  Just wait, and hope he comes around some day."

"But what about Allen?"

"Don't go repeating this, but your brother can be very hard headed sometimes, Celena.  It's hard to say what he'll think, other than he won't approve.  He may be persuaded to come around, however."  She sighed and brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.  "Men are so difficult," she said, more to herself than to the other girl.

Celena snuck out not long after hearing her brother's bedroom door close indicating his retirement for the evening.  She had only worn her soft dress slippers so as not to make any noise as she crept through the hallway and down the stairs, but now she regretted it as the coldness seeped through, stinging her toes.  The cold stone of the bench she was seated on was not making matters any easier, but it couldn't be helped; she needed to think, and to think she needed to feel the open air about her.  She pulled her knees a little closer to her chest and tucked the blanket around her feet before pulling her arm back inside the warm cocoon she had created.  Only her face, a pale oval in the moonlight, showed from within its folds.  She tilted her head back a little to examine the sky.  The moon was full and lovely, its brilliance almost entirely obscuring the other blue moon behind it.  Because of the brightness very few stars were visible in the dark sky.  It was all so far away, and it made her feel alone.  She shivered inside the blanket.

The first few days home Celena had remained in her room.  The self-inflicted confinement wasn't pleasant for her, but she couldn't muster the courage to face him so soon; and she knew she would have to eventually. 

After a while, when her excuses ran out, she ventured outside.  Part of her wanted to see him again, for she missed his company.  She didn't like to be alone.  She felt that most of her life must have been spent that way; alone or in the company of strangers.  But, when she did finally decide to wander the grounds of the villa again Gaddes was no where to be found.  Oh, she knew that he was around.  She could feel his eyes on her sometimes and she would turn but no one would be there.  He was watching out for her, but he wouldn't come near again.  It was painful to know that he was avoiding her, to realize that it was her that had driven him away.

The sound of leaves crunching made her glance up.  It was Gaddes.  The moonlight gave his dark hair a bluish tint.  He looked at her for a moment before speaking.  "It's a little late to be out, don't ya think?"

She remained quiet.

"Well, if you aren't goin' to speak to me the least you could do is shove over a bit so I can sit down."

She scooted to one side of the bench and he immediately filled up the space.  She resisted the urge to lean into his warmth as she had so often done before.  She couldn't help the sudden tears that pooled in her eyes, however, and she let out a little sniffle causing him to look down at her.  

As if he hadn't felt guilty enough, now it seemed that his very presence was enough to make her cry.  He pulled her into his arms and she went willingly, laying her head against his chest.  He let out a deep sigh and absentmindedly began to stroke her hair.  "I'm sorry if I hurt you when I said those things.  It wasn't because I don't care; it's because I do.  But, we aren't from the same mold, you and me.  People like us aren't meant to be together, kid."

"Then why does this feel so right?"

"I don't know."

She pulled back from him to look into his eyes.  "Will you kiss me?"

Gaddes looked at her for a long time.  He was trying to come up a reason why he should say no, but when he looked into her eyes he felt as if he were drowning in them.  "I don't think it's a good idea."

Celena ducked her head to hide her disappointment from him.  She didn't want him to see how much his rejection had hurt her.  Then, she felt his fingers under her chin, tilting her face back up to his. 

"I said I didn't think it was a good idea.  I didn't say I wouldn't do it."  A moment later he lowered his mouth to hers.  The kiss was warm and gentle and over before she knew it.  She pouted a bit when he pulled away causing him to chuckle.

She smiled up at him shyly.  "More?"

"Greedy little thing, aren't you?"  This time when he kissed her it was deeper, harder.  When it was over she was trembling and her heart was pounding in her ears.  She leaned against Gaddes' chest and could hear his own heart beating in response.  She was happy to know that she wasn't the only one that had been affected by the kiss. 

Gaddes took a minute to regain his senses.  How crazy was he to be out here in the open kissing her like that?  It's the very reason he had been avoiding her in the first place.

"What do we do now?"  Celena asked, her voice carrying a note of worry in it.

He let out another deep sigh.  "I can't lie to your brother, Celena.  He trusts me to look out for you, and I feel like I've broken that trust.  I've felt that way for a while, actually; ever since I realized the way my feelin's were headed.  I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try to fight against it…I can't help the way I feel."

She pushed away from him.  "You make it sound so horrible…like it's an illness you're trying to avoid catching."

"Dammit, Celena.  I didn't mean it like that."  He ran his hand through his hair in frustration.  "I only meant that the boss won't be happy with this.  I could lose my post here and be sent back to the fort; hell, I could get booted out of the army altogether.  I'm not right for you.  You deserve someone that can give you nice dresses and take you to those fancy balls up at the palace.  I can't be the kind of husband you need, don't you see that?"  He paused, gathering his courage to say what he knew had to be said.  "You're still young; you'll get over it eventually.  Someone new will come along and then you'll forget all about me."

"You can't mean that," she insisted.  "Do you really believe me to be so fickle?  Besides, you haven't even given it a chance.  Why couldn't you have just said 'we'll figure something out.'?  You've always been so encouraging to me, yet you are so quick to give up yourself.  You're not making sense."

"You're the one that's not makin' sense.  Do you realize what you'd be givin' up by tyin' yourself to someone like me?  That's if you're brother doesn't kill me when he finds out."

"Don't be silly; Allen wouldn't…would he?"  She began to look a little doubtful; as well she should to Gaddes' way of thinking. 

"I don't know," he answered honestly.  "I've seen him angry before, and he has excellent control, but sometimes he can get carried away when pushed to extremes."

"Why would he be so angry, though?  I don't understand."  She sounded thoroughly bewildered. 

"I already told you why; I'm not the right kind of person for you."

"You're the only one for me."

He sighed, once again taking her in his arms.  She was stubborn, and he could no longer fight his own feelings, despite his better judgment.  "You're the only one for me, too."

AN:   Again, a big thanks and hugs to everyone that has commented on this story so far.  ^_^

This chapter was really hard to write for me.  I ended up revising it a million times, which is why it took a while for me to get it out.  I'm still not sure if I'm entirely satisfied.  Comments and such would be muchly appreciated.