His Dark Materials

The Stained Blade

Chapter I: "It's not fair!"

"Tho' we are not now that strength which in old days

Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

- Alfred Lord Tennison, "Ulysses"

Will's world…

It was a rather grey and rainy Midsummer Day. The young man sitting on the bench tried his best not to feel melancholy, but it was hard, especially a day such as today.

"Lyra," he whispered. "Oh, my Lyra, where are you? I cannot feel your presence anymore. Not even here. I swore I would never forget you, but not being with you drives me insane."

A large cat jumped up on the bench beside him. He was one of the two people only in the world who knew that it was in fact not a cat at all, but that didn't matter much since they were both alone in the botanical garden. The cat walked over to him and gently stroked her head against his arm. He instinctively started to scratch her behind her ear.

"I don't think I can handle this much longer, Kir," he said.

"Don't talk like that, Will," his dæmon said gently.

"I am serious, Kir, I think I am loosing it."

"It has been two years. You need to let go of her."

"Don't you think I want to?" Tears suddenly burned in Will's eyes. Kirjava watched him with compassion, wishing for some way to comfort him but knowing that there were non, except to be there for him. Will continued. "I do want to, but the only way is to forget. And I will not forget. I cannot forget, no more then you can forget about Pantalaimon."

"Will…" Kirjava tried to find the right words. "It was necessary to leave them. We belong to different worlds after all. Remember what Xaphania said? There wasn't any other way."

"I remember, only too well," Will clenched his fists. "I should have told her no, should have told her and all the other angels to find a way. I should have refused, kept the Knife and used it to cut my way into Lyra's world!"

"And risk the existence of all the worlds?"

"What's the point? Without Lyra my existence has no meaning."

Will started to cry again, but suddenly a rush of anger overwhelmed him. "No!" He stood up and shook his fist towards the grey skies. "To hell with it all! I will find her again! I don't care if I have to look for the rest of my life, I will find a way to her world so that we can be together again!" The anger disappeared and he sat down again, still with his fists clenched. "And let the rest of Creation burn! I don't care anymore."

Kirjava just looked at him with sadness in her eyes.

Lyra's world…

"It's not fair."

The marten dæmon looked up at the girl, sitting on the bench with sunlight in her hair. The sunlight had no place in her face, though. Lyra was growing up into a young woman, but in the last two years she seemed to have lost her smile, piece by piece, ever since that terrible goodbye.

"What do you mean?" Pantalaimon said.

"You know perfectly well what I mean!" Lyra snapped. "I am talking about Will, I am talking about being forced to live without him for the rest of my life! The angels knew! They knew I loved him more the anything in the whole world and that he loved me just as much. They knew it would be torture for both of us to live separated. But no! They had to close all the windows to prevent even a little of the Dust to get away. We had to live in a state of constant misery just because the universe felt a bit down every time the Knife was used. It's not fair."

"But what about the Spectres? We couldn't just have…"

"They told us themselves! They can handle the Spectres!" Lyra fought against the bitter tears. As usual, she lost. "We saved the world, Pan. We saved all worlds. We pledged for them, fought for them and bled for them, we lost friends and loved ones and what did we get? A lifetime of sorrow and loneliness and hard work, doomed to never meet again! That's not fair, and you know it, Pan!"

Pantalaimon sighed. "You are right, but there is nothing we can do about it. Don't you think I would like to meet Kirjava again? And Will and Mary? I do, more then anything, but we can't."

Lyra wiped her tears off her face with her sleeve, now with a look of determination in her face. "We'll see about that! Take my word for it, we will see about that."

Note: Perhaps somewhat short, but there is more. A LOT more. Trust me, this be a HUGE story.