Summary: Kathryn deals with Sebastian's betrayal while he confronts Annette
Chapter 12: Numbing the Pain
He didn't love her.
That thought ran endlessly through Kathryn's mind as she pushed her way out of the party. He never loved her; it was all a set up so he could be with her. Her. That pure, blond, little goody-goody. God she was going to be sick.
After reading that god damn contract until the words began to blur Kathryn could feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes. However there was no way she would allow herself to cry in front of Annette. Then she heard Sebastians voice and for a split second that shiver of delight she always got when she heard him occurred. Just for a moment she forgot about Annette and the fact that their relationship was all a tremendous lie. But like a quickly approaching avalanche it all came back to her and she knew she had to get out of there. She wouldn't let them see her cry.
Ignoring the greetings of the drunken party goers and the obnoxious pleas from her mother, Kathryn all but ran out of the ballroom. She had no idea where she was going she just knew she had to get the hell out of there. The cold New York air hit her as she pushed past the glass doors. It was then she realized he was calling out her name. "Kathryn! Kathryn wait, please!"
Had he been following her the whole time? She couldn't be sure and she didn't care. Kathryn ignored Sebastian as she rushed down to the line of awaiting limos. However in her rush to escape him she tripped and fell to the hard pavement. For a second she just laid there not quite ready to get up. Then she felt his warm hand on her bare arm and could feel him knelt down beside her.
Touching her face ever so gently Sebastian asked her "are you ok?"
Kathryn looked up at him for the first time that night. His eyes were filled with a mixture of worry, panic andguilt. For a second she wanted to hear him out. Listen to his explanation as to why he did this to her but then that nauseous feeling reemerged and she hated him for making her feel like this.
Immediately she pushed him away sending him toppling back on his ass. "Stay away from me" she ordered him as she got to her feet ignoring the pain in her ankle.
"Kathryn you have to listen to me" he said carefully.
"Why?" she yelled "so you can tell me it's not true? Tell me that wasn't your signature on that document? Tell me you didn't want to see me destroyed and humiliated? Go ahead Sebastian, lie to me some more!"
He stared at her too thunderstruck for words "II"
"Go ahead" she hissed as she started to advance on him "tell me you love me." Giving him a hard push she demanded "did you have fun, huh? Did you enjoy making me trust you?"
"You know it wasn't like that"
Kathryn laughed harshly "of course it was. I'm an expert at this game remember? I thought I was better at this game than you were but I guess I was wrong. I'm just another dumb conquest to you, just like all the rest. Right?" she yelled pushing him once again.
"No of course not" reaching out to touch her he said "I love you Kathryn."
"Stop lying!" She hit him hard again but he didn't back down. "God I hate you! I hate you!" she screamed over and over again as she hit him. Finally though her sadness overwhelmed her anger and she finally broke. After hitting him twice more in the chest the tears started to fall and soon she didn't have the energy to fight him anymore.
When Kathryn began to cry Sebastian wrapped his arms around her and whispered "its ok."
She let him hold her only for a moment before pulling away and muttering "no it's not, it never will be."
Then slowly and sadly she turned around and walked away. Sebastian caught up with her and pulled her back "I'm not letting it end like this."
Feeling more than defeated Kathryn turned back around and asked "what do you want from me? You got what you wanted, why can't you just leave me alone?"
He shook his head "I did not want this. I never wanted to hurt you Kathryn."
"Of course you did. Wasn't that the whole point? To get me back for hurting you? Well congratulations it worked." Wiping at the tears that were falling down her face she whispered "you have no idea how well it worked. I loved you so much. God I would have done anything for you Sebastian. I almost did. I was going to give up everything and that was exactly what you wanted."
Watching her cry Sebastians own eyes started to water up as he explained "Kathryn I do love you, you have to believe that. But you want the truth so here it is; yes I did try to get you to fall for me so I could hurt you. After what happened with Annette I wanted to hurt you back as much as you hurt me."
"Mission accomplished"
"But then I realized that I wasn't acting anymore. I fell in love with you Kathryn."
"Was that before or after you took me to bed?" When Sebastian didn't answer right away she shook her head and said "that's what I figured. You don't love me Sebastian, you don't even know what it is."
Kathryn turned away from him again and he once again caught up with her. "You know that isn't true"
"It doesn't matter, it doesn't change the fact that you were setting me up to be destroyed. If you love me so much how could you do that to me?"
"I was going to call the plan off Kathryn I was, but then Annette came to me with this story about you getting her father fired so-"
"Of course you believed her because Annette never lies unlike me, right?" Turning around suddenly she let her hands rest of the hood of the limo for balance. She felt dizzy all of a sudden. This must be what it feels like to have everything come crashing down around you she thought to herself. "God I think I'm going to be sick."
Sebastian touched her back as he suggested "let's just get out of here."
Kathryn pulled away as she faced him "no I'm not going anywhere with you ever again. It's done with."
"No" he said wiping tear from his eye "I'm not letting you go."
Ignoring his plea she told him "I never want to see you again."
"No" he said as he tried to pull her back to him.
"It's over with!" She yelled as pushed him away roughly "don't talk to me, don't look at me and certainly don't touch me. You can't apologize your way out of this one Sebastian. I will hate you for the rest of my life for doing this to me.
Then before he could say anything more she got into the car slamming the door behind her. Once hidden behind the tinted windows Kathryn began to sob uncontrollably. Through her tears she glanced once more out at Sebastian who was standing on the sidewalk in shock. She realized he was crying, he had been but it didn't change anything. Maybe he did love her or maybe it was all an act. Kathryn didn't care anymore.
* * * * * *
Sebastian could do nothing but watch helplessly as the limo drove away. As much as he wanted to chase after her he knew he couldn't. Over the past few weeks Sebastian had often wondered how Kathryn would react if she found out the truth. He imagined many different reactions but namely he just thought she would be pissed. He never imagined she would break down the way she did. Kathryn did truly love him.
However as he swallowed back his tears and wiped his face Sebastian realized that was over with. He had gone too far this time and she was right he couldn't just apologize over this. No amount of I'm sorry's was going to make up for all the pain he caused her. Still Sebastian was no quitter. He loved her and he would get her back he didn't care what it took.
Slowly and mechanically Sebastian walked back into the Plaza. When he got to the ball room his uncle John was making a toast to his father and stepmother. However he paid little mind, there was only one reason he had come back to the party and it wasn't to party with all his parents lame ass friends.
As Sebastian quietly walked among the crowd he scanned the room for Annette. He spotted her standing towards the back where he left her before chasing after Kathryn. She too was paying little attention to the toast as she looked around the crowd nervously. Soon her eyes locked on Sebastian's as he approached her. Before she could say a word he grabbed her arm and led her to the back room they had occupied only a few minutes before.
Once they were safely inside with the door closed she asked "what happened?"
In a voice of pure ice he told her "exactly what you planned I expect. Now I want to know just what the hell possessed you to go after her?"
* * * * * *
Somehow Kathryn made it out of her limo and into the townhouse. With her ankle still throbbing from her fall and the tears that were still running down her face she could imagine what she looked like. The servants would no doubt be gossiping for weeks over poor, pitiful Ms. Kathryn. They would probably say she got what she deserved and they would be right.
That's what she was, pitiful. Her mother was right all along she just had too much pride to admit it. How else could you describe a girl who spent her whole life getting her kicks by watching others suffer. Sebastian had told her before what a miserable waste of space she was and now she was finally realizing how right he was.
All this self pity was starting to make her sick, literately. As soon as Kathryn got to her room she hobbled to the bathroom and started throwing up. She was shaking so badly and in so much pain both physically and mentally that it was making her sick. Resting her head against the porcelain toilet she almost laughed at the irony. How many times had she been in this very position in the past? Only then she wanted to make herself sick. Poor pathetic little rich girl.
Slowly she got up from her position on the floor and walked back to the bedroom. As she sat down on the bed suddenly a rush of memories came back to her at warp speed:
"I'll give you something you've been obsessing about ever since our parents got married"
"I wanna fuck!" "And I don't"
"You're just a toy Sebastian"
"What you did...it doesn't matter anymore."
"Whatever happens remember that I love you. That will never change."
"I need you"
"I want you"
"I love you Kathryn"
It was all a lie every word of it. As Kathryn recalled everything he said to her, all the times he had taken her to bed and knowing not a damn bit of it was true made her shake in not only sadness but anger. He had made love to her right there only a few hours ago, but she was just another fuck to him. Looking up from her position on the bed she noticed her suitcases sitting out ready to go.
Suddenly Kathryn got up from the bed and lunged at them. She opened them and began throwing everything out. Her clothes, her accessories other stupid momentos she had kept over the years for no apparent reason. Kathryn threw them all out not caring when her three hundred dollar of perfume got smashed or her silk dress got makeup spilled on. It didn't matter anymore.
In her fit of anger she knocked over a box resting on her vanity table. Out tumbled a couple pieces of jewelry, some cigarettes, a couple vials of coke, one of heroin, two bottles of prescription pills and a picture of Sebastian. Kathryn abandoned her suitcases and slowly crawled over to the scattered items. In her right hand she scooped up the picture and in her left the drugs.
* * * * * *
"Why did I do it? Why do you think?" Annette asked beyond exasperated at this point "you were about to throw your life away on her Sebastian. I was trying to help you."
Sebastian didn't care anymore about hurting Annette's feelings. "Oh please you mean you were trying to help yourself. You couldn't stand the idea that I would choose her over you. You're jealous."
"Don't do this, don't make me out to be the bad guy Sebastian. You know what I feel for you and if I thought that Kathryn could truly make you happy then I would gladly let you go. But I know her Sebastian and she doesn't have it in her to love you the way you deserve."
"How would you know?" He sneered at her "you don't know the first thing about her."
Annette shook her head "yeah I do. I read your journal remember, I know what you said about her. Everything I know about Kathryn I learned from you Sebastian."
"That was in the past. She's changed" he waited a beat before telling her "she loves me and I'm in love with her."
She flinched in response "you don't honestly believe that do you?"
"It's the truth Annette. I've always loved her it's just over these last few weeks I've come to realize how much I need her."
"Sebastian" she told him firmly "Kathryn's a liar and manipulator and you know that."
Stepping closer to her he hissed "well I'm starting to realize you're hardly captain of the morality police either. Kathryn may lie but at least she doesn't dress it up to be something it isn't."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"You preach honesty and trust more than anyone I've ever met but as soon as things don't go your way you manipulate and lie just like her. Only at least Kathryn doesn't pretend to be someone she isn't."
Annette laughed harshly "of course she does."
"Not to me, never to me." With that Sebastian turned back to the door to leave.
"Where are you going?" Annette called out to him
"To find her"
"She won't take you back" she told him softly. "In fact she's probably plotting how to get back at us this very moment."
Sebastian of course realized this but it didn't matter. Let Kathryn do what she wanted to him or Annette even. He wasn't going to give up on her anytime soon. "I don't care" he told Annette. "I'm going to get her back no matter what it takes"
* * * * * *
Kathryn could feel the warm blood start to trickle down from her nose. Perhaps she had enough coke or maybe it was from mixing the heroin in with it. However it wasn't enough, not nearly. The pain was still there and as she stared at the old photograph of Sebastian it was worse than ever.
Wiping her nose carelessly she bent her head back down to the silver mirror in front of her where the coke was lined in semi-neat rows. She snorted some more and this time the high hit her so fast it made her leg come out and knock the mirror from her lap. It crashed loudly but Kathryn barely noticed. Her vision was becoming blurry now which was good. She didn't have to look at his face.
Still as she collapsed back against her pillows she clutched the photo and smiled at it. Her Sebastian. God she loved him, she always had and always would. Too bad it was all a lie. The thought made her reach absent mindedly for the pills that were resting beside her. Kathryn wasn't sure what they were exactly her vision was too blurry to see. It didn't matter though, if they could make her forget then they were fine by her.
Somehow in her half delirious state she managed to get the cap open. She poured the bottle out into her hand and stared at them a moment before shoving them down her throat. Kathryn's hands were shaking badly now as she held the picture of Sebastian. She tried to remember when it was taken but she couldn't remember. The thought made her happy, maybe she was starting to forget. With a lazy smile she ripped the photo and laid back on the bed.
Slowly her eyes began to flutter shut as her head hit the pillow. Vaguely Kathryn noticed that the pure white pillow was turning red. Was it from her nose or had she cut herself? She didn't really know but her mother would have a fit in the morning. It didn't matter, nothing really ever did.
As she began to drift in and out of consciousness Kathryn's mind wandered back to that perfect night with Sebastian. Everything had been just right then. That was the night she realized she truly loved him. It was funny even now she thought she could hear his voice. Almost smiling she muttered "Sebastian" before blacking out.
* * * * * *
"Is Kathryn home yet?" Sebastian asked one of the maids as he walked into the townhouse. After his fight with Annette he had left the party without even a good-bye to his parents. Taking one of the limos home he prayed Kathryn had gone straight home rather than out wandering the city.
The maid gave him a concerned look as she told him hesitantly "yes she arrived a little while ago."
"Was she...ok?"
"Not really sir. Teresa heard some yelling and banging coming from her room but we thought it best not to disturb her."
Sebastian nodded at her before walking to Kathryn's room. He was about to walk right in but he thought he should knock first. However when the third knock got no response and she didn't respond when he called her name he knew something was wrong. Sure enough when he opened the door his mouth fell open at the scene in front of him. The room was completely torn apart with Kathryn's things scattered all over the place. In the midst of all the chaos was Kathryn who was laying down on her bed with her head turned away from him.
At first Sebastian just assumed she was sleeping. Then as he walked over to her he noticed the blood stain on he white pillow and realized Kathryn wasn't sleeping she was unconscious. Immediately he turned her over and saw the blood coming from her nose and the powder still on her face.
"Kathryn! Kathryn!" He screamed as he tried to wake her up but got not response. Feeling around her neck he couldn't find her pulse so he bent down but realized she was barely breathing. With his hands shaking like crazy Sebastian pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911. "I need an ambulance at 84 and Madison, now" he told the operator. When she tried to get more information from him he screamed "she's collapsed and not breathing. Just get here!"
Throwing the phone away Sebastian tried CPR which he dimly recalled from gym class his junior year. When it didn't seem to make a difference he began to plead with her. "Kathryn you have to wake up for me baby. You can't do this to yourself, not over me. Please god, I love you so much"
Sebastian was still pleading with her when the paramedics arrived several minutes later. They quickly got her onto a stretcher and led her out of the house. Sebastian tried to find out if she would be ok but they wouldn't tell him anything. They did however let him come along with her to the hospital.
When they arrived Kathryn was rushed to the ER and when he tried to go in with her a pretty red haired nurse ushered him out. "I'm sorry but you can't go in. Now how do you know the young women?"
"She's my..." Sebastian wanted to say girlfriend but he knew when Kathryn woke up and found out he said that she would be pissed so he told her "step sister."
"Ok have you notified your parents?" When he shook his head no she said "well I can do it for you if you like. It's your call."
"I'll do it" he told her. So he went and called his father and told him Kathryn was in the hospital. When Tiffani got on the phone he reluctantly admitted he thought it was drugs. Sebastian wasn't shocked in the slightest when Tiffani told him to keep his mouth shut about that.
The doctors still hadn't come out when Edward arrived wearing his tux looking quite tired. "How are you doing son?"
"I'm not the one in the hospital dad" he muttered numbly. "Where's Tiffani?"
"Talking with the doctors"
Sebastian was pissed that Tiffani got to find out about Kathryn when she couldn't care less about her daughter. He was the one who loved Kathryn, he should be there not the ice queen. Immediately Sebastian got to his feet but his father pulled him back "where are you going?"
"To find out about Kathryn. That viper shouldn't be the first person she sees when she wakes up."
Sebastian pulled out of his fathers grasp and ignored him when he called out for him to stop. Instead he charged down the corridor determined to see Kathryn. However he stopped in his tracks when the doctor came through the emergency room doors with Tiffani following behind him. "How is she?" Sebastian asked as he approched the older man "is she awake?"
The doctor wore a serious expression as he looked back at Tiffani then back at Sebastian. "We did everything we could but, I'm sorry...she's dead."
- to be continued (Please Review)
