A/N: HELP NEEDED: Can anyone give me a nice female name that starts with a 'T'?

Shaynie-chan: Thank you, yes. Angst is lovely. It is purifying. - . -u The 3rd arc to Come To Me would have major angst also (EXTREMELY. So much so that I had to stop and wonder from where this wellspring of angst/torture is fountaining from as I write out the outline for the new story!) and I'm currently trying to work it out with Sakusha-san on how to work in other characters' angst! Have any ideas?

DeathAngelCreo: Maa maa. . .I had to come up with SOME way to get them alone together. On a bed. Just the two of them. In a bed. Kyo & Taka. In a bed. (aarrgh! Need lemon scenes soon!) Do you know, it's killing me that I have yet to do any lemons for them. And to think when I finally do, it'll be the most important one EVER 'cause it'll be their FIRST time together. Oya.

Sakusha-san (my Muse!©), Rinny (Hello! How's your manga going?), Literary Eagle, Miss Misery & Poison Ivy: Yay! Thank you for liking my story! Please feel free to advertise it to your friends! ^^ Ne, Miss Misery, I haven't heard from you in a long time! I thought you've forgotten about me already! ^^

Dragoneyes: I hope you like this story as much or even more than CTM!

Lil Yaoi Kitten: You're packing? Are you moving out? And yeah, I just love making Kyo realize that he LIKES seeing Taka in shorts then insists to himself that he feels nothing. Haha! Poor, delusional boy!

Graffiti: Ne, you're just like DeathAngelCreo. . .she wants Kyo to be uke also. (Actually, I see Kyo as the uke too. . .) I guess Kyo does come off as rather uke-ish, huh? ^^ Well, maybe for their first time. Kyo IS a vir- oops! Almost gave that away! *Kelly goes off to a corner to laugh hysterically*. Anyways, *cough*, read on this chapter!

WARNING: MAJOR ANGST INVOLVED. Lemony hints. Aah.

NOTE: Lines beginning and ending with the symbol ' ~ ' means lyrics.

Disclaimer: OCs belongs to me, YnM (the universe) to Youko Matsushita, and the song is Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not The One". One of the best ballads of the year! The poem is an excerpt from T.S. Elliot's 'Whispers of Immortality'.

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CHAPTER 5: I can still hear it

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He must have fallen in asleep in the car on their way over to his apartment. The next thing he knew, he had woken up to the sensation of being gently cradled, the rocking motion nearly sending him off to sleep again. He opened his eyes to find himself carried effortlessly by the sensei.

"Takashi?" Kyo asked, blinking back the sleep from his eyes.

"Hey," Takashi smiled. "You looked so peaceful sleeping that I didn't have the heart to wake you up."

Kyo blushed. "You can put me down now. You must be tired."

"Shut up Kyo and just stay still," Takashi smiled pleasantly.

Kyo tried to do just that, tried to enjoy the feeling of being carried like this. But the feel of Takashi's chest pressed against his cheek, his arms around his body, the scent of Takashi's cologne. . .

Absently, Kyo rubbed his cheek against the smooth material of Takashi's jacket. "You smell good," Kyo murmured, already his eyes were falling close again. A small part of him was shrieking at how he just said out loud that the sensei smelled nice! Was he CRAZY?? It must have been the painkillers he took for his headache, Kyo thought distractedly. Else, why on earth would he have said that?

Takashi gave a small chuckle, the sound reverberating deep in his chest. It sounded comforting to Kyo, who snuggled closer. There'd be plenty of time later to knock his head against the wall in embarrassment. Right now, he was too enjoying the sensation and too drugged to care.

The sensei had to put him down finally though, when they reached his front door, and he was gentle about it. He insisted that Kyo leaned on him for support and opened the door. He helped Kyo in and as they toed off their shoes, he flipped on the light switches. The sensei had already been to Kyo's place several times but it was always with Hikaru also. It felt kind of weird, Kyo thought, as he lay down on the couch where the sensei had left him to bustle around, getting things ready. It felt weird having just the two of them together like this. Weird. . .but nice. Takashi was moving around efficiently and looked quite at home in Kyo's kitchen.

~If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?~

~If you're for not me then why does my hand fit yours, this way?~

Before he knew it, he was asleep again, with the sound of Takashi's gentle humming serenading him. It was a sleep of peace for Kyo, something he rarely got when he was home. There was no nightmares, no hauntings from past memories; just the sweet oblivion, womb-like, knowing that you're safe and sound and protected.

It was almost with regret that he allowed the sensei's soft urges to wake up. His eyes were heavy with the weight of slumber and they gazed almost bemusedly at the man sitting by his side, a warm weight and comforting presence. Takashi smiled and swept back the strands of black silkiness from Kyo's eyes.

"C'mon, after a shower, you're going to feel much better. And dinner's nearly ready too."

Kyo yawned widely. "I thought Shindo sensei said I wasn't supposed to get my foot wet. . ." His eyes were falling close again. . .

"That's why I'll help you," came the chuckling reply.

That got Kyo's attention and his eyes snapped open. Unbidden, a blush stained his cheeks and he fixed limpid pools of pale orbs on the grinning man.

"Eh?" was his intelligent reply.

"Think about it Kyo," he explained patiently. "You can't get your foot wet right? And I'm sure you can hardly lift your arms to bathe yourself. Those bruises are going to hurt like hell for a few days at least."

Kyo still looked unsure though and Takashi quickly promised him, "I won't look, I swear."

"Well. . .okay," Kyo agreed, rather reluctantly, but he couldn't ignore the temptation of a shower. He was starting to think that Hikaru was right, or at least, going to be right. If he didn't take a shower soon, he WAS going to stink. And the sensei was right, the bruises mottled the skin around his ribcage, especially at his sides and though the couch was soft, he was already feeling sore.

Later, as he sat on a little plastic stool with his left leg wrapped and propped on another stool away from him, he was starting to reconsider the wisdom of his decision. He was, quite effectively, naked except for a small towel around his waist. The sensei had borrowed his shorts and a T-shirt and they fitted him quite nicely as the two of them were relatively the same size, Takashi being a little broader in the shoulders than Kyo. What made Kyo uneasy was that he quite liked it. He liked the feeling of Takashi's hands, firm yet tenderly soft, especially over his bruises and cuts; soaping his back, shampooing his hair. . . he had never, been so intimately touched like this before, not even with Nanako and the fact that it was the sensei who was the first to do so. . .was. . .

Some of his friends had teased him about Nanako when they had first started dating. He hadn't minded their teasing at first but he had gotten quite angry when they implied that Kyo must be enjoying her bedroom favours also. Nanako was undeniably one of the sexiest girls in school, she must be damn good in bed too, right? They had quickly stopped though, when Kyo had suggested, quite mildly actually, that should they again make such remarks, they'd be doing it over the point of a shinai.

Was it really so necessary that the minute you're a couple, you're supposed to jump into each other's pants also? What about all those stuff about getting to know your partner as much as possible, learning about each other, caring about each other. . . So he was probably the oldest male virgin in the school, so sue him.

They didn't really talk much, Kyo and Takashi, as the sensei washed him up. There really wasn't any need to. That's what he liked about the sensei. That, and the fact that he was damn good with his hands. Kyo was getting drowsy again and his mind wandered as Takashi poured warm water, sluicing off the suds.

No, he had never before been touched so intimately like this. . .not even Nanako. . .or had he? He seemed to remember gentle hands. Pale and delicate. Hands that were just as warm, just as caring, just as gentle as Takashi's as they too, washed his body and flicking soap suds playfully on his nose. . .

Yes, he remembers now. . .his mother. . .when he was small, very small. . .9 years old, perhaps? His mother. A beautiful woman with long hair, black as midnight. Eyes a deep mysterious brown. She had such beautiful hands. . .

With a gasp, Kyo's eyes snapped open, his breathing coming in painful bursts as he forced the memories back, back to the farthest reaches where he can't see them or feel them again. His hands trembled and the warm water suddenly felt cold as ice. He shivered and realized with a start that Takashi had embraced him from behind, not even caring that he was getting his clothes wet.

"It's okay, shh," Takashi whispered. "You just dozed off for a minute there. Everything's all right. Shh." Takashi went on to whisper soothingly, his arms still locked in that embrace and Kyo allowed those words to seep into him, driving away the chill and fear. After a minute, his trembling subsided and Takashi quickly wrapped him in a large, fluffy bathrobe.

The sensei didn't say anything as he helped Kyo into a pair of T-shirt and shorts. He took a moment to change out of his own wet clothes and pushing Kyo down in a chair, toweled dry his hair. Still he didn't say a word.

They had their dinner then; a lasagna, just as Takashi had promised earlier. After the third bite or so, Kyo finally broke the silence.

"You're not going to ask what happened?" His voice was quiet but his words carried over the table and stopped the fork that was poised to deliver a bite.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Takashi asked gently. He lowered his fork, and gave a light, green-eyed stare, looking directly into Kyo's pale baby blues.

His eyes fell on his plate and Kyo toyed absently with his pasta, twirling a gooey string of cheese. "I've never even told Hikaru about. . .it. Never told anyone about it," he muttered the last few words. Silence again lay on the room, not expectant, not heavy, just the silence that you get when there are no words to be said and there are no words that should be said.

The clink of stainless steel against porcelain brought Kyo out of his reverie and he glanced over to the sensei. Takashi chewed on a bite of lasagna thoughtfully. Swallowing, he threw a smile at the boy.

"Ne, Kyo-chan. You're my friend right?"

Kyo blinked. "Of course."

"And am I your friend?"

"Naturally."

Takashi grinned then. "So there's no problem is there? If you ever want to talk about anything, then I'm always willing to lend a ready ear."

Simple words, what a friend would say to another. But these are not words mouthed in platitude, Kyo could tell. A tone of complete seriousness vibrated behind it and Kyo knew that Takashi meant every word he said.

"Thank you." It was heartfelt thanks that he gave. That and gratitude that the sensei did not see the need to press him to talk about it. They passed the rest of dinner in aimless small talk and before Kyo knew it, he was nodding over his plate and a well-timed save from Takashi saved him from going face first into it.

"Right, off to bed we go!" announced Takashi cheerfully.

Why, Kyo wondered silently, did he have to blush?

* * *

WEBSTER was much possessed by death

And saw the skull beneath the skin;

And breastless creatures under ground

Leaned backward with a lipless grin.



"What are you doing, Takashi?"

He looked up from the armchair he had been prepared to move to Kyo's bedside. A lock of hair fell into his eyes and with absent fingers, brushed it out. His glasses had been abandoned earlier, when he had given Kyo his bath and he had not bothered to put it back on. It was mostly an affectation anyway; he only needed them for reading but force of habit had kept them on usually. Somehow, he felt that it made people take him more seriously as a doctor. But it didn't seem to work with school girls though. . .Perhaps thicker glasses would work?

"I'm going to watch over you, that's what. I need to make sure that your head injury is not getting worse."

The boy threw him a disbelieving grin. "You're going to spend the whole night in that chair? It may be comfortable but give it a few hours and you'll be as sore as I am, and without the beating too," Kyo predicted cheerfully. He had burrowed himself beneath the covers and a mop of black hair and twinkling blue eyes peeped over the top of the blankets. It was an adorable look and Takashi had to stop himself from going over and placing a kiss on that mouth that was still grinning impudently.

"I'm not going to take any chances," he said instead and turned back his rather distracted attention to the chair.

"Why don't you sleep with me then?"

Takashi was thankful that he had yet to lift up the heavy wooden legs of the chair. Otherwise, he'd be dropping it on his foot in total surprise. He gave Kyo a questioning look. "Are you sure?"

"Sure I'm sure! You've done more than enough for me. It's the least I can do to make sure you don't wake up tomorrow with a cramp."

~If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?~

~If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand, at all?~

The bedcovers felt cool as he slid inside. Cool and comfortable. Kyo had turned on his side to face him and even in the dark, Takashi could sense the impish grin on the young boy's face.

"I'll bet Hikki would go crazy if she can see us like this," Kyo laughed softly. The barest space of a few inches separated them and Takashi could feel the heat of Kyo's body, a deliciously good feeling like warm sake on a cold winter's day.

"Not just Hikki. The whole *school* would probably go crazy if they see us like this. The most popular boy in school in bed with the school doctor," Takashi teased.

"Yeah," Kyo giggled. "Crazy with jealousy that I get to spend the night with the handsomest doctor this side of Japan, that's what."

"Please Kyo, you're making me blush."

Kyo just gave another giggle and snuggled deeper into the blankets. "Oyasumi, sensei."

"Oyasumi, Kyo-chan."

* * *

It was around 3 a.m. and Takashi was starting to feel like an idiot. He had been wide awake since. . .since. . .since Kyo fell asleep, that's why. While he did intend to sleep for, say, a couple of hours, then check on Kyo, then sleep again, he had, in fact, not slept at all.

Kyo is even more beautiful when he's asleep, Takashi thought fondly to himself. When awake, the boy's face was a study of perfection; that jet- black hair a sharp contrast to the pale skin that somehow never seem to darken no matter how long he spent under the sun, the aquiline nose, a mouth that was always curved in a ready smile. But it was when he was asleep that the real Kyo showed himself. Eyes closed in peaceful slumber, his whole face took on a look of utter relaxation, free from the façade he puts on in the morning. Oh, he was good at it, at maintaining that look of calm, studied kindness and he was not saying that Kyo was the total opposite. It's just that no matter what he felt inside, THAT was the face he always presented to the outside world. Kyo showed no hint of what really goes on in that mind or heart of his. Sometimes, it made him want to scream in frustration.

And there was the way he slept. Takashi was amused to find that Kyo slept like that; all curled up into himself like a baby in the womb. He watched with fond eyes as the boy's breathing deepened and he cupped a hand against that pale cheek. Even in his sleep, Kyo rubbed absently against his palm and Takashi felt a little shudder of delight run through him.

Yes, Kyo was beautiful. Perfect in every way. Perfect even in his imperfections.

I've never felt like this for anyone before, Takashi realized with a start. He had never fallen so hard for anyone. This hard and this fast. And with someone that was nearly half his age on top of that. It did not bother him that they were both guys. He had been gay for as long as he could remember. Ever since he started getting sexually aware of the people around him so it was easy for him to recognize the feelings he had for the sleeping boy. He had felt them ever since he first laid eyes on him. It had taken him quite an amount of control to put on his 'doctor's face' and not scare Kyo off. For Takashi knew without a doubt that Kyo was NOT gay. And during their talk together, his hopes had been dashed when Kyo had announced quite firmly that he wasn't even bisexual.

He had been sorely disappointed.

In all of his 26 years of age, he had been in two serious relationships, both with guys of course and both had never gotten anywhere remotely satisfying. On the emotional plane that is. He had been alone for more than a year after his last relationship and had resigned himself to the fate of not finding anyone anytime soon. So it had given him quite a bit of a shock to feel like this, with a student in his own school on top of that. Kyo had connected with him in a way that went even deeper than friendship. Deeper even, Takashi knew without a doubt, than the bond Kyo shared with Hikaru and he had been quietly, completely, blown away.

Kyo was everything that he had dreamt of in a life partner. Someone who understood him without words. Someone who accepts him for him and not just another pretty face.

I am. . .in love with him.

Am I really?

Yes.

Yes.

I love him since the first time I met him.

But how can you know for sure? How can you tell that this is really love?

I don't.

All I know is this; that I love him.

And he doesn't love me.

It hurts, realizing that. That Kyo doesn't love him the way he does for Kyo. Oh, there is that love shared between special friends, but no more than that. He was sure of it. But there were times. . .times when he felt a spark of hope that Kyo felt more than friendship. Times when the looks he gave him hinted at something deeper.

He had never told Kyo or Hikaru that he was gay. He didn't want to scare Kyo off. He had seen the way the girls at school vied for Kyo's attention and it had made the boy uncomfortable. So he had shown no hints at all of the affection he really felt inside. He didn't want Kyo to run away from him, so he strived to be the best friend that Kyo could have.

It should be enough right? That if he couldn't have Kyo, he could at least be a friend. Better to have loved and lost. . .

He tried believing that. He really does.

~I never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now~

It still hurts though.

A whimper broke the stillness of the room. Surprised, Takashi pulled back the palm that was still cupping Kyo's cheek in a sharp jerk. Did Kyo realize what he did?

"Kyo?" he whispered.

Another whimper cracked the air and the boy curled even more tightly into himself. A fine trembling appeared to have taken over his body, Takashi could tell from the mere inches that separated them and he felt alarm clutching tight in his chest. He quickly scooted up on the bed and leaned over Kyo, his shadow falling over him and throwing the boy into deeper darkness. Takashi cursed the lack of vision and flipped on a bedside light.

Soft, amber glow revealed a beautiful face, pale and painted with cuts and scratches, but all the more beautiful for it, twisting in a grimace of pain. Had his injuries gotten worse? Did they miss something during his examination? Again he cursed, this time, the laxity that might have brought this about.

He placed a cool palm on Kyo's forehead and was relieved to find that it wasn't burning with fever, yet, sweat was trickling down. The boy was distressed, but why?

"Kyo?" Again he tried but the boy still remained oblivious to his call. Hands that had been relaxed in sleep clutched and twisted themselves in the bed sheets, imprisoning themselves in shackles of their own making. His bruised ribs seemed to be ignored as he hugged himself tighter. Dry sobs had started to wrack his body, sending shuddering breaths exhaled between pale lips.

Kyo was having a nightmare.

It comforted him that it wasn't an injury overlooked, but the realization brought fresh worries. He had seen his fair share of patients suffering from nightmares but he had never seen a reaction so severe. What scared him were the sobs. The tearless sobs. Wordless and voiceless. Just shuddering gasps. He reached out, tried to stop the flailing arms but Kyo struggled harder.

"Kyo, wake up. Please, wake up. It's just a nightmare. That's all. Just a nightmare. It isn't real. Wake up."

He tried to inject calmness into his tone, trying to bring Kyo back to awareness. If anything, the silent struggles grew wilder. Eyes closed in previous slumber snapped open but they stared unseeing ahead and Takashi knew that Kyo was still trapped in his nightmare. What nightmare? What is it that had such a fierce hold on the boy? Muttering an apology in advance to Kyo, Takashi leaned forward, trapping the boy's legs underneath his own while trying his best to avoid his left ankle. He snaked his arms around Kyo's heaving torso, capturing the boy's thrashing arms. He rolled over on his back, bringing Kyo with him, and pressed the boy's cheek against his chest. A minute of silent struggle went on.

/A steady beating. Cutting through the roar of the flames, the bubbling gasps./

The thrashing died down to spasmodic jerks, his harsh breathing lessened somewhat and Takashi relaxed his grip. He brought his hands up and rubbed them soothingly against Kyo's back.

"Shh, that's right. It's all right."

/A heartbeat. Calm, steady, comforting. He wasn't alone then./

And then even the gasps died down and Kyo lay quiet in his arms. He went on rubbing the boy's back, still murmuring the words, telling him that it's okay. He's here. He'll always be here.

/It's all right. Everything's going to be all right. I'll never leave you./

Takashi knew the instant Kyo came awake. A silent awareness had seeped into his body and a hand clutched at the fabric of his T-shirt.

"Takashi."

It wasn't a question.

They let a few minutes pass by in silence until Takashi broke it, hugging Kyo briefly. "Want some hot chocolate?"

Kyo tried to speak, and found the need to clear his throat first. "Yeah," he managed to say after a few tries, his voice still a bit hoarse. "I'd like that."

Takashi took the unresisting boy by the arm, propping his against a firm shoulder and helped him to sit on the couch. He took the afghan draped over the back and blanketed his shoulders with it. Kyo gave him a grateful smile and tugged the warm wool closer. They didn't say anything as the kettle was heated and a shrill whistle pierced the air. Takashi took the cheerfully bubbling kettle off the stove and poured it into 2 ready mugs. As an afterthought, he added extra milk to Kyo's and carefully carried the steaming mugs over to him.

The chocolate was still too hot to drink so Kyo cradled the mug between his hands, his fingers curling over the smooth porcelain. Takashi too was nursing his own mug and tried a tentative sip. He immediately burned his tongue and he winced.

"Ouch. It's still too hot. Be careful Kyo," he warned the silent boy.

Did you ever notice that the most inconspicuous sound could sound the loudest in total silence? Takashi never really noticed the ticking clock, a silver gray metal piece hanging on the wall above the tv, except to tell the time of course. But tonight, in the dead hours of morning, the ticking sounded like a giant heartbeat, beating and beating away.

A clink of porcelain on glass showed that Kyo had put down his mug on the coffee table, still untouched as yet. Takashi mimicked him and turned slightly to face the boy, sinking a little deeper in the couch as he shifted his weight. Without warning, Kyo flew into his waiting arms.

He didn't cry, still. He seemed content to just let himself be cradled protectively in the circle of Takashi's arms. His hands, still warm from the mug, lay palms down on his chest and his forehead rested underneath his chin, his breath feathering lightly over the skin bared by the round neck collar of Takashi's t-shirt. Eyes, hazel green flecked with gold, closed in silent contentment as he held the boy.

How long they stayed like that, Takashi didn't know, but all of a sudden, he realized that somehow, he was now lying on his back, his head pillowed against the armrest and Kyo lying on top of him, his legs falling between his own. Takashi was thankful that the couch was long enough and big enough to accommodate the both of them comfortably. His chin was resting on silky black hair and he relished the feeling. A hand detached itself from the embrace to stroke that inky jet silk and Kyo gave a sigh. The boy settled even deeper into the embrace.

"Hikaru told you my parents died." Kyo's voice was soft, meant only to be heard within his protective circle and Takashi hugged the boy in response.

"Aa."

"But she didn't say how."

"No, she didn't," Takashi agreed.

"That's because I never told her how," Kyo admitted and again, he fell silent.

After a few moments, "Do you want to talk about it now?" Takashi asked.

Surprisingly, Kyo pulled himself from the embrace abruptly, and scooted away from him until he was at the other end of the couch. He tucked his knees under his chin, wincing slightly as his bruises was pulled afresh and stared resolutely ahead, his hands clasping his legs.

"Kyo?" Takashi pulled himself into a sitting position and tried to draw nearer to Kyo. He stopped though, when Kyo flinched back from him. "Kyo?"

"I killed my parents." His voice was dead, devoid of any emotion and for a moment, Takashi could only stare at him.

"What do you mean?"

Dead eyes, as dead as the voice, faced him.

"I killed my parents."

* * *

Kyo still refused to be touched so he could only look at him, the distance of mere inches feeling like thousands of miles. Though the eyes and voice was dead, the body itself quivered with suppressed emotions, the fine lines trembling in the dim light. He longed to reach out, to soothe those lines but Kyo needed to tell his story his way.

"I was 10 years old. It was Christmas eve and for once, in a long time, my father was able to spend the holidays with me and my mom. He was always so very busy you see. Business and all that. But he always tried to make time with us.

We didn't go anywhere special. We didn't need to. My dad and I got the tree earlier and my mom had made all the cookies herself. . .It was a beautiful tree," eyes closed briefly in remembrance.

"Before we went to sleep, my mom made me promise to not go down to catch Santa Clause, 'cause then, how would he give me my presents? So I promised her I won't. And I didn't. I stayed in my bed, sleeping. It must have been around 4 a.m. when my mom and dad came into my room. I thought that they were going to let me see Santa after all," Kyo laughed softly. "Stupid, isn't it?" He wasn't waiting for an answer and Takashi didn't give him one.

"But they weren't there for presents or Santa. They came to take me away. See," Kyo's eyes were earnest, trying to convince him. Convince him of what?

"See, the house was on fire."

He drew in a soft gasp and without thinking, a hand reached out, to give comfort perhaps but Kyo ignored it and went on, eyes still earnestly blue and voice so totally dead.

"I didn't know how it happened, still don't till today. The police and firefighters couldn't say how it started. All I know then was that it was so hot. So very hot. We tried to get out but by that time, the fire had spread to the third floor where we were and we couldn't get down using the stairs. We couldn't even get back to my parents' bedroom; the floor had caved in just by my bedroom door.

We were trapped and we couldn't get out.

My dad wanted to do that rope thing, you know, like you see in the movies when they tried to escape using bed sheets tied together? But it wasn't enough. I had just moved into that room so a lot of my stuff wasn't in there yet.

My mom didn't cry," Kyo added thoughtfully. "I did though, but she said everything was going to be okay, so I tried to stop. We were standing by the window, trying to breathe when we heard something exploded in the floor beneath us. The floor was cracking, so was the wall beneath the window.

But where could we run to? In front of us was the fire and behind us. . .was nothing. So my mom picked me up, hugged me tight, and my dad hugged us both.

I've always liked hugging them. But this time, it hurts. They were hugging me too hard.

And then, we fell.

Out of the window. Fell like a stone. From the third storey too." A giggle escaped Kyo and he covered his mouth with his hand.

"My dad was quite cool. There we were, falling like a sack of potatoes and I could feel my dad twisting like a cat until he was beneath us.

My dad was beneath me when we hit the ground. Then it was my mom. Then my dad. Then my mom. Until all three of us were just lying there. They were still hugging me, crazy isn't it?"

He couldn't stop giggling. They just escaped his mouth like the way the steam escaped a boiling kettle. He couldn't help it. He tried to stop but it just made the giggles all the harder to control.

Takashi could only stare at him in shock, then in horror as the story unfolded. Losing your parents was one thing, but to lose them in such a way? He tried to say something but his mouth seemed glued shut. His whole body screamed with the pain that Kyo was radiating, radiating but refused to release. How could he have bottled it up inside like that for all these years? How could he have survived?

Everything became clear then. Kyo hating hospitals, his need to drive himself to utter exhaustion every single day, the nightmares. . .

When Kyo started giggling nonstop, he finally felt his limbs unlocking from their paralysis of shock and he moved without thinking. He pulled the boy into a rough embrace, burying the giggles against his chest and he stroked Kyo's hair, whispering.

"Why won't you cry Kyo?"

The giggles finally died down. "I can't." Kyo let out another small laugh. "I promised my mom I wouldn't. Why should I cry anyway? It was my fault. They died saving me. Stupid of them, really."

His voice was muffled against his t-shirt but nevertheless, Takashi could hear the guilt, grief and hysteria bubbling up beneath. But the boy, the stupid stupid STUPID boy refused to let them out. God, how can Kyo let it eat away at himself like this?

"It wasn't your fault," he said gruffly, shaking Kyo a bit. "Your parents died saving you, yes. And believe me when I say that if they had a choice, they would do it again and again. You didn't kill them. They made that choice. To protect you, their child. To think that you killed them would give their memories no honour!"

Kyo pushed himself off, away from the embrace to glare furiously at him. "How would you know? How would you KNOW! IT WASN'T YOU! YOU WEREN'T THE ONE FALLING! YOU DIDN'T HEAR THEIR BONES BREAKING, HEAR THEM CHOKING ON THEIR OWN BLOOD! YOU DIDN'T HEAR! I STILL HEAR IT! EVERY NIGHT! EVERY NIGHT!"

Oh dear god. The look of pain and near madness was more than he could bear. The pale blue eyes were bright, yet dry, the tears still refusing to fall. Kyo had pressed his hands against his ears, shrieking at him, shrieking at him about how he could still hear the crack, the snap, the gurgling. Why can't he drown the sound out? Why was he still hearing it? Make it stop! Make it stop!

He grasped the boy's hands and pulled them away to cup the sides of the boy's pale face. The dry sobs went on but the shrieking had stopped. Instead, Kyo stared at him with wide, frightened eyes. Eyes that had seen too much, too young.

"You didn't kill them," he started, his voice gentle, his eyes looking deep into Kyo's. "They love you. They wanted you to LIVE. And they got their wish. All they did, was to protect their child. And you did nothing to be guilty about. Believe me."

"How would you know?" Kyo asked, whispering, eyes locked to his. "How would you know?"

"Because Kyo, I would have done the same thing."

It was a moment locked in endless eternity. Hazel green drowning in pale sky blue and pale sky blue drowning in hazel green. Pale sky blue closed briefly and they opened again, shimmering brightly.

"That's it," he whispered, a thumb rubbing gently over a cheek, trailing soft circles. "You can cry. It'll help."

"I don't cry," Kyo answered, even as a tear fell to splash softly over the circling thumb. "I've never cried since that night."

"There's a first time for everything, right?" he smiled.

"I don't cry," Kyo stubbornly replied but the tears now fell freely.

"I promise I won't tell a soul. Not even Hikaru," Takashi promised solemnly. To show just how serious he was, he crossed his heart and snapped his fingers twice. "See? I swear." He was rewarded with a shaky and somewhat wet smile and Kyo laughed, hiccupping a bit.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

Kyo broke down then, crumpling in his embrace and he rocked the boy softly, crooning in his ear. The sobs were painful to hear, great, wracking sobs that tore through his frame and shook his whole body even as he hugged Kyo as tightly as he dared. Painful, but he was happy to hear it. The tears would heal. Not completely, but they would heal all the same. And maybe, someday, if Kyo would allow it, he can help heal it even more.

For now, he was content to let the boy cry on his shoulder while his own tears fell like silent rain over the boy's head.

~If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?~

~If you're for not me then why does my hand fit yours, this way?~

~If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call?~

~If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand, at all?~

~I never know what the future brings but I know you're here with me now~

~We'll make it through and I hope you are the one I share my life with~

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~to be continued~

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A/N:. . .minna. . .I nearly cried when I wrote the part about Kyo telling how his parents died. I'm serious. I didn't even know that it happened exactly that way. Seriously. I had the vague knowledge but as I typed, it all just flowed out and became clear. To sleep every night hearing your parents die again and again. . .makes it even more sadistic, isn't it, when you think about the time Akuma cursed him to dream that over and over again? And the fact that his parents died by fire and in the end, so did he?

. . . . . .

Okay, I definitely need some fluff for the next chapter to recover from this one. Oyasumi nasai, minna-san.