A/N: Ah we're getting so close to the end of this arc, my friends. . .But
the part which I KNOW you guys are dying for: The Scene Where Kyo & Taka
Confess Their Undying Eternal Love & The Subsequent Lemon! Right? Right? I
know I'm right. . . .ahahaha! don't worry, I've got the ending for this arc
all planned out nice and proper. Then, it's off to the third arc for Kyo
and Taka! Yea!!!
Rinny: Are you still using your hidama email? I really need to talk to you! Urgent Kyo-Bashing info needs to be worked out!
Warning: Minor Lemon! (Finally. :P )
Note: All lines starting and ending with the symbol ' ~ ' means lyrics.
Disclaimer: All OCs belong to me, YnM's universe to Youko Matsushita-sama, and the song is still Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not The One". I suggest when we get to the final chapter of this arc, you either listen to the songs before, during or after reading it. Or all three in fact. It'll definitely get you in the right mood for the final chapter!
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CHAPTER 7: Kyo is a plastic ruler
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The sensei held himself perfectly still; like a deer caught in sudden headlights. Not a muscle moved, not an eyelid twitched as he ate up the mere distance between them, slowly, slowly. . . Takashi was half turned, facing him, his arms supporting him at his sides, sinking deep into the yielding cushions and fingers gripping the cream-toned fabric tightly, the weave probably leaving imprints on his palms. Kyo didn't feel particularly stable at the moment so he drew his legs up, crouching on his side of the couch, and like a big cat, stalked closer and closer until he was almost straddling the man.
This close, he could make out every little detail on Takashi's face. The slight smattering of freckles dusting the bridge of his nose had added, making him look decidedly vulnerable, Kyo thought with some surprise. Lines of laughter etched faint prints at the corner of his eyes but it only made those green orbs twinkle the more brightly. But right now, those eyes looked a bit. . .what was the word? Apprehensive? Scared? A tiny bit hopeful?
He didn't dare focus on the emotions flickering in those depths that might take this one and only chance away from him. Instead, he concentrated solely on that little ray of hope shining. He needed that, to bolster his courage. In all actuality, he didn't even realize that he HAD the courage to do this. Briefly, that voice in his mind wondered what exactly was it that Hikaru had put in the eggnog.
What if, the voice asked again, a little lost-sounding, what if that hope he sees is merely a reflection of his own?
He squashed that thought immediately. Ignoring all else; Hikaru, the soft carol music playing in the stereo, he let his body take over.
His mouth hovered a bare inch over the sensei's, undecided though. Should he? Takashi answered for him when he himself closed the last gap and lips met lips.
It was soft. So very soft. Almost ethereal. He wouldn't believe that this was happening if it wasn't really him there and then doing it. The both of them now froze, each wondering who will lead the dance. This time, Kyo took the initiative and gently, almost playfully, nipped the sensei's lower lips. The response he got was more than gratifying.
It was, Kyo thought dazedly, the best kiss in his life. Ever. Was this how it's supposed to be like? If so, where did he went wrong with Nanako? Truth to tell, if it HAD been this good with her, he might have given in to the temptation to beat up the guy she cheated on him with. But no, Nanako was then. Now, all he wanted to concentrate on, to taste, to feel, was only Takashi. A chaste kiss it was, the both of them just meshing, plying, molding and tasting each other's lips but it was the best, most intoxicating kiss. A potent drug. Before long, Kyo found himself twining his fingers through strands of reddish-brown hair, trying to deepen the kiss. He felt the sensei slowly lying on his back, pulling him along and he happily followed.
"Jingl-jingl-jingl-"
No, ignore it, that little voice in his head said frantically. Ignore it! Just concentrate on this, only this! Nothing else. . .
"Jingl-jingl-jingl-JINGL-JINGL-SKREE!!"
They broke off their kiss with an almost violent wrench as the Christmas CD in the stereo screeched to a loud halt.
* * *
What happened just now?
They stared at each other, blinking, looking almost confused and bewildered for a few seconds as the stereo stopped with a pathetic whimper. Kyo was straddling him, Takashi realized, while he himself was lying on the couch, looking up into dazed, light blue eyes. The boy's lips were bruised and swollen red, evidence that what he thought happened, really DID happened. A wondering finger touched his own lips and found them equally soft and equally tender.
So it wasn't some drunken fantasy then.
Yes, the eggnog was spiked more than normal eggnog would be, he realized in hindsight. Spiked liberally, if he had to guess about it. That would explain the whole. . .thing. Right? Or maybe he was just afraid to ask.
Talking about eggnogs. . .
"Hikki," Kyo said, his voice a bit hoarse.
"Aa," he nodded in response. "The eggnog. Do you drink Kyo?"
He already knew the answer even before Kyo spoke. He shook his head slowly, "No, never. . .Hikaru?"
Their questing eyes found an empty spot where she had been sitting only a few minutes ago. Empty, that is, save for a little note, pinned to the armchair, saying:
'I forgot my mom asked me to tuck Maru-chan into bed tonight! Ja ne! ^^'
Takashi couldn't believe his eyes. Or his mouth. Or his body. Or his skin. Or his hands. Or his-okay, he couldn't believe it. In retrospect, the whole thing simply smacked of the girl's plotting. He should have known that they couldn't trust her to do anything concerning cameras or liquor. He found himself staring fixedly at the note, wondering, or actually, wracking his brain trying to think up of an excuse, a reason, anything to explain the kiss just now.
It was just the alcohol, Kyo. That's it. That was why we kissed. We were drunk. You weren't thinking straight and so was I. That's all so nothing to be worried about. You don't have to say anything and neither do I. We'll just forget about this and pretend that it never happened and we can go kill Hikaru tomorrow, okay?
He opened his mouth to say this wonderful speech when all of a sudden, a warm weight fell against his chest. Black hair brushed against his still tender lips and he started in surprise.
"Kyo?"
A soft snore answered him.
Sweatdrop.
Yare yare. . . .
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Not a word.
Not a single word.
It's been, what? 3 months already? And not a single, goddammed ******* word. December passed by in a stately white haze while January came in with little fanfare to mark the new year. February was dull and March was simply annoying. Spring descended upon Josui like the plague. Sakuras were simply popping into bloom EVERYWHERE and birds were chirping, singing of love and life and carrying on like no tomorrow.
Kyo was tempted to throw some sharp rocks at the annoying buggers.
And maybe at all the couples walking around the school hand in hand too.
Really, he grumbled silently, do they HAVE to walk around with such maddeningly, cloyingly, sweet, infatuated smiles all the time? What is it? Spring fever? Don't they appreciate the fact that SOME people are not THAT lucky and they, lucky ******** that they are, should cut us some slack?
Not a single word.
Deep breath. That's it. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep on breathing, that's the keyword.
NOT A SINGL-!!!
Breathe!
He leant back against the wall, the grainy, rough concrete digging into the back of his shirt but he ignored the discomfort. He tugged his tie loose from their constricting choke and he unbuttoned his collar. A freshening breeze blew past the corner, bringing with it the sharp sweet smell of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers, tended lovingly by the school gardeners. Shouts and yells rang through the air as the track team practiced for the upcoming Spring Meet. He stayed in the shadows, looking at them with unseeing eyes as young bodies, gleaming with sweat and health pounded the track, their faces flushed with exertion and determination.
Not a single word, he sighed silently. Fingers brushed his lips in remembrance as the Christmas incident played itself out in his mind again for what seemed the millionth time. He had woken up the next morning in his own bed, still in his jeans and sweater and had found the sensei cooking breakfast in the kitchen. All he said was, as he trundled into the kitchen, clutching his sore head, 'What do you want for breakfast Kyo? Pancakes or toast?'
Did the man think he forgotten everything? That since this was the first time he had ever gotten drunk, he'd forget? Kyo didn't remember a thing so let's not bring it up. We'll pretend that nothing ever happened and we won't say a word.
But then, coward that he is, he too, didn't say anything.
Neither did Hikaru. But then, she had enough sense to realize that a certain strain now played in the background. It wasn't really obvious; it didn't mar their relationship in any way, but it was there. Faint, barely felt, but significant all the same. She had apologized to Kyo about the whole eggnog thing but Kyo had waved it off with a sigh. It doesn't matter, he had told her. What's done is done. And no, I don't want to talk about it.
His birthday was coming up soon. His 18th birthday. On that day, the fourth of April, he will officially become an adult. Old enough to drink legally, old enough to drive, old enough to sleep with whomever he wants to. Though that last choice seems to not be particularly entertain-able now. Nope. What good was it, being of legal age to do all sorts of naughty stuff if you don't have anyone to share it with?
Nights had been spent in restless slumber as the memory of that kiss played itself over and over. Nights he had spent thinking, 'what if'?
/The crackle and snap of the fire seemed unnaturally hot. Maybe it's because he's right in the middle of them./
A familiar figure ran on to the track field, white coat flapping in the wind as he ran to a cluster of girls by the side of the track. Kyo shaded his eyes to peer closer. It was Takashi. Automatically, he sidled deeper into the shadows until he turned the side of the building. He peered then, around the corner, and stared in rapt fascination as the sensei opened his first aid kit. A girl had injured herself it seemed, skinned her knee it looks like. Even from this distance Kyo could tell that Takashi was engaging her in small talk, taking her mind away from her injury as he cleaned and bandaged it efficiently. An easy smile crossed the face that was recalled every night and he felt something tug inside him.
~If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?~
~If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?~
Would Takashi be as gentle with him? As tender?
You know he would. He can't be otherwise. It's not his way.
Yes, but HOW gentle? How tender? Would it be more special, more caring? Or is he, in the end, just a friend?
That thought rocked him for a bit and he paused to consider it. Why did the thought of being 'just a friend' hurt him so bad? Does this mean that he, Shiozaki Kyo, wants to take it further?
~I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand~
~If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?~
~Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?~
"Oh god," he groaned. "I am a plastic ruler."
Long legs folded underneath him and he sat down on the concrete apron morosely. And all this time he had stubbornly insisted to Hikaru that he had no idea of what she was talking about. He wondered what Kenji would say if he found out about it. . . Hikaru, if he ever confessed so, would probably just roll around on the floor laughing at him.
"Even if I AM a plastic ruler, it doesn't mean that he is," he wondered out loud.
"Shiozaki-san?"
A yelp, some surprised scrambling and settling down of ruffled fur later. . .
"Ayame-san! You scared me!"
A shy-looking girl, thick glasses with a slightly spotted complexion that was pale and wan from little time spent outdoors, mumbled her apology. Black shoes scuffed the grass in embarrassment as pale, washed out gray eyes blinked myopically. Her shoulder length, light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail like Hikki's, but where Hikki carried off that look like a healthy, bright 17 year old should, on Ayame, it never seemed to work. She was, Kyo winced inwardly to himself, the one people always picked on. One of the brightest kids in his class, she was intelligent but terribly shy, smart but with absolutely no self-confidence whatsoever. She was frequently bullied by the other kids, girls and boys alike, though they were careful to do it behind Kyo, Hikaru or Kenji's back. They had tried to get the girl to come out of her shell but all their efforts just made her retreat more and more until even the determined Hikaru had threw her hands up in despair.
But how bad it was for her, Kyo never really knew until one day, several months back. His kendo practice had run late and nearly everyone had gone home by the time he finished. He was just packing up his protective gear and carrying a bundle of shinai to the store room and he was a few steps inside when he realized there were people there.
Several boys from another class and Ayame.
The poor girl was sprawled on the floor, her blouse torn open and tears streaming silently down her face. At his entrance, the other boys had spun around in sharp surprise while Ayame cowered further deeper into the shadows. Tension hung thick and heavy in the air.
"I am going to give you five seconds to get out of here," he had announced calmly.
In fact, it took them less than that to run out. As it was, it took his quite some time to calm Ayame down and that was how Hikaru found them later as she searched for Kyo, the boy sitting on the floor, his hakama streaked with dust and Ayame sobbing in his arms. She had taken one look at them and immediately went into action, taking Ayame in her embrace. Kyo ran to the locker room and came back with his jacket which they draped over the girl's shivering body. They had settled her down in the infirmary, a cup of Takashi's strong tea in hand with the sensei clucking over her comfortingly. Kyo and Hikaru had wanted to report the incident immediately to the principal but Ayame had objected vehemently. She didn't want any more trouble, she had said. Really. Please, don't tell anyone.
It was mainly because she was getting distraught again that Kyo and Hikaru had reluctantly agreed to not say anything.
As it was, the next day, Kyo and Kenji had paid a little visit to those boys. Needless to say, they would not be bothering Ayame anymore. Ever.
The girl was still painfully shy around them however, still speaking little in class, but somehow, word had gotten around about the little. . .'visit' he and Kenji had paid to several boys who apparently were 'bullying' Ayame and he noticed a marked decrease in the snickers and teasing thrown her way. It was something at least.
Now though, he wondered what it could be that finally made the girl gather her courage to see him.
"Er, Shiozaki-san. . ."
"I told you, Kyo," he smiled.
"K-kyo. . .san.," she blushed and started to twist a corner of her tie in nervous fingers. "I was. . .was wondering if I er. . .I. . could talk to you? About. . something."
"Sure, " he said easily. "What's it about?"
Ayame threw a nervous glance over her shoulder and gave him an almost guilty glance, cheeks flushed red. "Can we. . .can we talk some place a . . .bit more. . private? That is, if you don't mind," she finished in a rush.
He blinked bemusedly. "Okay. Where do you want to talk?"
"The. . .uh. . ." this time, her voice had fallen to a reedy whisper and he had to strain to hear her, "The. . .rooftop?"
He didn't really think about her choice of venue as suspicious or whatever, so he willingly followed her to the most popular spot for the kids to hang out during lunch time and break. The said rooftop was swept clean, and the spot she led him had a marvelous view of the track field. If he squint his eyes past the tall green fencing enclosing the rooftop, he could just make out Takashi, still surrounded by the girls.
/A prone figure, lying on the floor. Black silhouette against red flames./
Pale blue eyes narrowed even more.
"Kyo-san?"
He tore his eyes away from that maddening sight and gave a warm smile to the still nervously twitching girl. "Yeah?"
"Well, first, I. . .just want to say thank you again for. . .helping me. . .that day. I don't. . .know what I w-would have done if you didn't. . came. Thank you."
He shrugged. "It's nothing. I only did what other people would have done."
She mumbled something under her breath, too faint for him to hear and when he asked, she just shook her head. "Nothing. But, I also. . .want to tell. . .you. . .tell. . ."
If anything, she appeared to getting more nervous, the fingers still busy working on her tie until he thought it was going to unravel from all the plucking.
"Ayame-san?"
She jerked her face up to meet him and said, in one sudden rush, "IreallylikeyouKyosanandIjustwanttotellyouthatandI'mreallysorryifitbothersyo ureallysorrybutIjustwanttotellyouthat!"
It took him several blinking moments to work out what that long string of sentence actually said. When it finally sank in though, what he thought was:
Oh.
Oh dear.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, wondering what exactly to say and feeling like a landed fish. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he didn't want to lie to her either. The girl had been through enough. But could he say it?
"You don't like me do you?" she answered him miserably.
"No! Of course I do! It's just-"
"Just not the way I meant it, I know."
An awkward silence hung between them and Kyo could have kicked himself for being such an ass. Ayame looked as though she was about to cry and he wondered desperately whether Hikki would save him.
"Do you. . .," she started hesitantly. "Do you like. . .someone. . .else, Kyo-san?"
Almost at their own volition, his eyes slid to the side, peering again through the green fencing to look down on the white-coated figure. Before he could say anything though, Ayame burst out.
"Why him?! What makes him so special?! What is it that I don't have that he does! Wh-" her hand flew to cover her mouth with a sharp gasp. "G-g- gomenesai, Kyo-san! I don't know why I said that! Gomen!"
With a hurried bow, hand still covering her mouth, she ran off, flinging the door open and frantic feet pounding on the stairs. He quickly chased after her, calling out her name.
"Ayame-san! Ayame! Matte!"
He burst out of the doors at the ground level, startling several people who were walking by. He searched left and right but there was no sign of the girl.
She was gone.
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"Takashi? Can I ask you something?"
He looked up from the immaculate rows of bottled medicine that he was arranging for the umpteenth time. Each bottle was spotlessly clean, no residue liquid trickling out to mar the pristine white labels, so were the glass-fronted cabinets housing them. In fact, the whole infirmary was simply glowing from the frequent cleaning he had given it of late. Hikaru had been giving him odd looks about that recently.
"Nani, Hikki?"
She patted the spot next to her on the sofa. "Come, sit. I want to talk to you."
He followed her softly-spoken demand reluctantly. It WAS a demand and he knew it. Hikaru just has a way to make people jump to her orders when she wants to. He tucked his coat almost protectively around his legs and tried to give her a disarming smile.
"Well?"
She was quite subtle. Subtle as a sledgehammer.
"How do you like Kyo? As a friend or more than that?"
The question he dreaded the most from her. He bit nervously on a lower lip and tried to evade it.
"He is my friend. What's not to like?" He didn't dare look straight at her and instead, focused on the wall opposite. He should have known though, that Hikki wasn't the kind of girl to be easily dissuaded.
"You're not answering the question. And if you're afraid of what I might think, don't be. I know you're gay."
It was a good think he hadn't drunk his tea yet. Otherwise, he'd be spraying it out in shock. (And he just cleaned the sofa too). He spluttered, at loss for words and tried to deny it. One glance of those steely brown eyes told him what a bad idea that was.
"How did you know?" he asked instead, trying to collect his bearings.
She shrugged diffidently. "Never underestimate a girl's power of perception."
"Does Kyo. . ."
"Know you're gay? No. He is, sadly, utterly blind and a complete moron. But I love him anyway. So do you, in fact."
Why bother denying it? It was obvious that Hikki knew more than she had let on and he had to admire her for that. All these months and not a single word. . . .but then, it does make all of her endless plots and schemes explainable. . .I think.
/The one thing he could be grateful for was that Kyo wasn't here with him. Otherwise, it would be the both of them stuck in this racing ring of fire instead of just him./
He clasped his hands together between his knees, staring down. "Yes, I do love him. More than a friend. Ever since you both came running in here on my first day."
A slender brown hand covered his and squeezed warmly. "I could tell. Why do you think I went through all that trouble to get you guys alone together at every opportunity?" There was a faint trace of laughter in her voice, laughter tinged with amusement and laced with a bit of sadness.
"But Kyo doesn't love me."
"No."
That stark admission hurts more than he realized it. Before he could stop himself, he flinched and Hikki squeezed his hand again.
"No, he doesn't REALISE that he loves you. Not yet anyway."
He also couldn't help the desperate hope that crept into his voice and eyes as he faced her, wanting, wishing for her words to be true. "You think so? That he loves me?"
"Why do you think he's been acting so strange ever since Christmas?" Hikki raised a dark eyebrow enquiringly. "He's been thinking about it a lot. I know."
"But he doesn't say anything!"
"He's scared, sensei. Wouldn't you be? I mean, to suddenly find yourself in love with another guy? This is his first time."
What could he say to that? Nothing it seemed as the silence stretched into infinity before them. The only sound was the faint laughter and chatter floating in from the opened window.
"It's his birthday today," Hikaru said suddenly.
He gave her a wary glance.
"Did you get him a present?" she asked instead.
He nodded. "A 1900 copy of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven'. It's been in my collection for a long time."
An elbow nudged his side in sly amusement. "I know what would make an even better gift."
"Oh?'
"Yeah, you telling him your real feelings."
He closed his eyes briefly. Hikaru wasn't the only one who's perceptive. He wasn't blind, or deaf. While he was happy that his feelings for Kyo has her complete approval and enthusiastic support, he wondered how she could bear with it. No, he wasn't blind.
"How do you stand it?" he asked quietly.
"Stand what?" asked Hikaru.
If she could be subtle, then so could he. "You love Kyo. And not just as a best friend."
If he expected her to bristle at his words, or at least, ignore it completely, he was to be disappointed. She laughed instead. "You've got sharp eyes sensei." The laughter was short-lived however and she cast her eyes down to her lap. The hand still covering the sensei's clenched briefly. "Yeah, I love him. Love him so much. But I'm not so lucky as you Takashi."
"Why's that?" he asked softly.
She raised eyes that were dry, but their usual bright sparkles were dimmed. "He doesn't love me. No, I've never told him. I didn't want to hurt our friendship because I know he can never return my feelings."
He smiled sadly. "And you can even devote so much time and effort in throwing us together?"
"To quote a certain manga character sensei; because I love him. Because I love him that I want him to be happy. Even if it's not with me. Just as long as he's happy, then I'm happy."
Wordlessly, he drew her into a hug. She buried her face in his chest, fingers clutching his coat tight. Any other words of sympathy or commiseration would be too coarse to say, he felt. Besides, what COULD be said to somebody who made such a sacrifice willingly with their whole heart?
"Thank you," he murmured.
She didn't reply but instead, pulled herself from their embrace to give him an impish grin, all traces of her wistfulness gone. "Hey, Kyo's coming over in a few minutes right?"
There was something a bit unnerving about her grin. . .
"Yeah, after the kendo club's celebration for his birthday finishes." He took a quick look at his watch. "Which is in around 2 minutes."
If anything, the grin grew wider and his stomach plummeted a few stories down. "What?" he asked warily.
"I've got a sure-fire plan that's guaranteed to get you guys together!" she announced gleefully.
Oh god.
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To say that he was happy that it was his birthday was. . .a bit inaccurate. Ecstatic? Hardly. More like. . .wistful. Yeah, that was it. Wistful. He walked through the halls of Josui High, a hand clutching the cake box. The celebration his kendo club members had given him had to be short, considering that most of them had to snatch the time from in between classes. But he was touched that they took the trouble anyway. Passing by his schoolmates, he smiled and waved at his friends while nodding politely to those he didn't know. Several shouted out their well wishes and he grinned back in reply. They didn't see though, that the smile on his face died as he passed them by.
/Dammit! Leave me Kyo! Get the hell out of here! We can't make it out together!/
He was still struggling with his newfound revelations concerning Takashi and was worried about Ayame. Since her confession the other day, she hadn't been coming to school. He tried calling her house but her parents said she didn't feel well enough to talk. He rubbed the back of his neck wearily and sighed. No, he wasn't really happy on this 'special' day. His feet carried him on the familiar and well-traveled path to the infirmary. He had wanted to have a small, private get-together with Takashi and Hikaru and he was sorry that Kenji couldn't make it. Basketball was taking up every spare minute of his time and when he wasn't practicing, he was trying to catch up on his schoolwork. The four of them had made plans for this evening though and he was looking forward to that.
I think, Kyo sighed silently.
He wondered glumly whether there was any chance that Takashi would finally say something today. . . .yeah, right. Would HE say something today?. . . .fat chance. Coward, coward, coward, he reiterate in the private recesses of his depressed mind.
The white-painted door of the infirmary was closed. He stopped before it, hand hovering over the gleaming wood hesitantly. Well? What are you waiting for? Takashi to fling the door back and tell the whole world he lov-likes you? Idiot.
He took a deep breath, plastered a smile on his face, and rolled the door back on its tracks. He was all ready with a greeting but the words died an early death in his mouth as what he saw registered in his mind as heavy and painful as a hammer blow.
Hikaru and Takashi were kissing.
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~to be continued~
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A/N: Nya nya nya nya nya nya! *Kelly does a mad little caper around her room*. I told you guys I was evil, didn't I???? ^^
Rinny: Are you still using your hidama email? I really need to talk to you! Urgent Kyo-Bashing info needs to be worked out!
Warning: Minor Lemon! (Finally. :P )
Note: All lines starting and ending with the symbol ' ~ ' means lyrics.
Disclaimer: All OCs belong to me, YnM's universe to Youko Matsushita-sama, and the song is still Daniel Bedingfield's "If You're Not The One". I suggest when we get to the final chapter of this arc, you either listen to the songs before, during or after reading it. Or all three in fact. It'll definitely get you in the right mood for the final chapter!
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CHAPTER 7: Kyo is a plastic ruler
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The sensei held himself perfectly still; like a deer caught in sudden headlights. Not a muscle moved, not an eyelid twitched as he ate up the mere distance between them, slowly, slowly. . . Takashi was half turned, facing him, his arms supporting him at his sides, sinking deep into the yielding cushions and fingers gripping the cream-toned fabric tightly, the weave probably leaving imprints on his palms. Kyo didn't feel particularly stable at the moment so he drew his legs up, crouching on his side of the couch, and like a big cat, stalked closer and closer until he was almost straddling the man.
This close, he could make out every little detail on Takashi's face. The slight smattering of freckles dusting the bridge of his nose had added, making him look decidedly vulnerable, Kyo thought with some surprise. Lines of laughter etched faint prints at the corner of his eyes but it only made those green orbs twinkle the more brightly. But right now, those eyes looked a bit. . .what was the word? Apprehensive? Scared? A tiny bit hopeful?
He didn't dare focus on the emotions flickering in those depths that might take this one and only chance away from him. Instead, he concentrated solely on that little ray of hope shining. He needed that, to bolster his courage. In all actuality, he didn't even realize that he HAD the courage to do this. Briefly, that voice in his mind wondered what exactly was it that Hikaru had put in the eggnog.
What if, the voice asked again, a little lost-sounding, what if that hope he sees is merely a reflection of his own?
He squashed that thought immediately. Ignoring all else; Hikaru, the soft carol music playing in the stereo, he let his body take over.
His mouth hovered a bare inch over the sensei's, undecided though. Should he? Takashi answered for him when he himself closed the last gap and lips met lips.
It was soft. So very soft. Almost ethereal. He wouldn't believe that this was happening if it wasn't really him there and then doing it. The both of them now froze, each wondering who will lead the dance. This time, Kyo took the initiative and gently, almost playfully, nipped the sensei's lower lips. The response he got was more than gratifying.
It was, Kyo thought dazedly, the best kiss in his life. Ever. Was this how it's supposed to be like? If so, where did he went wrong with Nanako? Truth to tell, if it HAD been this good with her, he might have given in to the temptation to beat up the guy she cheated on him with. But no, Nanako was then. Now, all he wanted to concentrate on, to taste, to feel, was only Takashi. A chaste kiss it was, the both of them just meshing, plying, molding and tasting each other's lips but it was the best, most intoxicating kiss. A potent drug. Before long, Kyo found himself twining his fingers through strands of reddish-brown hair, trying to deepen the kiss. He felt the sensei slowly lying on his back, pulling him along and he happily followed.
"Jingl-jingl-jingl-"
No, ignore it, that little voice in his head said frantically. Ignore it! Just concentrate on this, only this! Nothing else. . .
"Jingl-jingl-jingl-JINGL-JINGL-SKREE!!"
They broke off their kiss with an almost violent wrench as the Christmas CD in the stereo screeched to a loud halt.
* * *
What happened just now?
They stared at each other, blinking, looking almost confused and bewildered for a few seconds as the stereo stopped with a pathetic whimper. Kyo was straddling him, Takashi realized, while he himself was lying on the couch, looking up into dazed, light blue eyes. The boy's lips were bruised and swollen red, evidence that what he thought happened, really DID happened. A wondering finger touched his own lips and found them equally soft and equally tender.
So it wasn't some drunken fantasy then.
Yes, the eggnog was spiked more than normal eggnog would be, he realized in hindsight. Spiked liberally, if he had to guess about it. That would explain the whole. . .thing. Right? Or maybe he was just afraid to ask.
Talking about eggnogs. . .
"Hikki," Kyo said, his voice a bit hoarse.
"Aa," he nodded in response. "The eggnog. Do you drink Kyo?"
He already knew the answer even before Kyo spoke. He shook his head slowly, "No, never. . .Hikaru?"
Their questing eyes found an empty spot where she had been sitting only a few minutes ago. Empty, that is, save for a little note, pinned to the armchair, saying:
'I forgot my mom asked me to tuck Maru-chan into bed tonight! Ja ne! ^^'
Takashi couldn't believe his eyes. Or his mouth. Or his body. Or his skin. Or his hands. Or his-okay, he couldn't believe it. In retrospect, the whole thing simply smacked of the girl's plotting. He should have known that they couldn't trust her to do anything concerning cameras or liquor. He found himself staring fixedly at the note, wondering, or actually, wracking his brain trying to think up of an excuse, a reason, anything to explain the kiss just now.
It was just the alcohol, Kyo. That's it. That was why we kissed. We were drunk. You weren't thinking straight and so was I. That's all so nothing to be worried about. You don't have to say anything and neither do I. We'll just forget about this and pretend that it never happened and we can go kill Hikaru tomorrow, okay?
He opened his mouth to say this wonderful speech when all of a sudden, a warm weight fell against his chest. Black hair brushed against his still tender lips and he started in surprise.
"Kyo?"
A soft snore answered him.
Sweatdrop.
Yare yare. . . .
________________________________________________________________________
Not a word.
Not a single word.
It's been, what? 3 months already? And not a single, goddammed ******* word. December passed by in a stately white haze while January came in with little fanfare to mark the new year. February was dull and March was simply annoying. Spring descended upon Josui like the plague. Sakuras were simply popping into bloom EVERYWHERE and birds were chirping, singing of love and life and carrying on like no tomorrow.
Kyo was tempted to throw some sharp rocks at the annoying buggers.
And maybe at all the couples walking around the school hand in hand too.
Really, he grumbled silently, do they HAVE to walk around with such maddeningly, cloyingly, sweet, infatuated smiles all the time? What is it? Spring fever? Don't they appreciate the fact that SOME people are not THAT lucky and they, lucky ******** that they are, should cut us some slack?
Not a single word.
Deep breath. That's it. Breathe in, breathe out. Keep on breathing, that's the keyword.
NOT A SINGL-!!!
Breathe!
He leant back against the wall, the grainy, rough concrete digging into the back of his shirt but he ignored the discomfort. He tugged his tie loose from their constricting choke and he unbuttoned his collar. A freshening breeze blew past the corner, bringing with it the sharp sweet smell of freshly cut grass and blooming flowers, tended lovingly by the school gardeners. Shouts and yells rang through the air as the track team practiced for the upcoming Spring Meet. He stayed in the shadows, looking at them with unseeing eyes as young bodies, gleaming with sweat and health pounded the track, their faces flushed with exertion and determination.
Not a single word, he sighed silently. Fingers brushed his lips in remembrance as the Christmas incident played itself out in his mind again for what seemed the millionth time. He had woken up the next morning in his own bed, still in his jeans and sweater and had found the sensei cooking breakfast in the kitchen. All he said was, as he trundled into the kitchen, clutching his sore head, 'What do you want for breakfast Kyo? Pancakes or toast?'
Did the man think he forgotten everything? That since this was the first time he had ever gotten drunk, he'd forget? Kyo didn't remember a thing so let's not bring it up. We'll pretend that nothing ever happened and we won't say a word.
But then, coward that he is, he too, didn't say anything.
Neither did Hikaru. But then, she had enough sense to realize that a certain strain now played in the background. It wasn't really obvious; it didn't mar their relationship in any way, but it was there. Faint, barely felt, but significant all the same. She had apologized to Kyo about the whole eggnog thing but Kyo had waved it off with a sigh. It doesn't matter, he had told her. What's done is done. And no, I don't want to talk about it.
His birthday was coming up soon. His 18th birthday. On that day, the fourth of April, he will officially become an adult. Old enough to drink legally, old enough to drive, old enough to sleep with whomever he wants to. Though that last choice seems to not be particularly entertain-able now. Nope. What good was it, being of legal age to do all sorts of naughty stuff if you don't have anyone to share it with?
Nights had been spent in restless slumber as the memory of that kiss played itself over and over. Nights he had spent thinking, 'what if'?
/The crackle and snap of the fire seemed unnaturally hot. Maybe it's because he's right in the middle of them./
A familiar figure ran on to the track field, white coat flapping in the wind as he ran to a cluster of girls by the side of the track. Kyo shaded his eyes to peer closer. It was Takashi. Automatically, he sidled deeper into the shadows until he turned the side of the building. He peered then, around the corner, and stared in rapt fascination as the sensei opened his first aid kit. A girl had injured herself it seemed, skinned her knee it looks like. Even from this distance Kyo could tell that Takashi was engaging her in small talk, taking her mind away from her injury as he cleaned and bandaged it efficiently. An easy smile crossed the face that was recalled every night and he felt something tug inside him.
~If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?~
~If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?~
Would Takashi be as gentle with him? As tender?
You know he would. He can't be otherwise. It's not his way.
Yes, but HOW gentle? How tender? Would it be more special, more caring? Or is he, in the end, just a friend?
That thought rocked him for a bit and he paused to consider it. Why did the thought of being 'just a friend' hurt him so bad? Does this mean that he, Shiozaki Kyo, wants to take it further?
~I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand~
~If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?~
~Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?~
"Oh god," he groaned. "I am a plastic ruler."
Long legs folded underneath him and he sat down on the concrete apron morosely. And all this time he had stubbornly insisted to Hikaru that he had no idea of what she was talking about. He wondered what Kenji would say if he found out about it. . . Hikaru, if he ever confessed so, would probably just roll around on the floor laughing at him.
"Even if I AM a plastic ruler, it doesn't mean that he is," he wondered out loud.
"Shiozaki-san?"
A yelp, some surprised scrambling and settling down of ruffled fur later. . .
"Ayame-san! You scared me!"
A shy-looking girl, thick glasses with a slightly spotted complexion that was pale and wan from little time spent outdoors, mumbled her apology. Black shoes scuffed the grass in embarrassment as pale, washed out gray eyes blinked myopically. Her shoulder length, light brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail like Hikki's, but where Hikki carried off that look like a healthy, bright 17 year old should, on Ayame, it never seemed to work. She was, Kyo winced inwardly to himself, the one people always picked on. One of the brightest kids in his class, she was intelligent but terribly shy, smart but with absolutely no self-confidence whatsoever. She was frequently bullied by the other kids, girls and boys alike, though they were careful to do it behind Kyo, Hikaru or Kenji's back. They had tried to get the girl to come out of her shell but all their efforts just made her retreat more and more until even the determined Hikaru had threw her hands up in despair.
But how bad it was for her, Kyo never really knew until one day, several months back. His kendo practice had run late and nearly everyone had gone home by the time he finished. He was just packing up his protective gear and carrying a bundle of shinai to the store room and he was a few steps inside when he realized there were people there.
Several boys from another class and Ayame.
The poor girl was sprawled on the floor, her blouse torn open and tears streaming silently down her face. At his entrance, the other boys had spun around in sharp surprise while Ayame cowered further deeper into the shadows. Tension hung thick and heavy in the air.
"I am going to give you five seconds to get out of here," he had announced calmly.
In fact, it took them less than that to run out. As it was, it took his quite some time to calm Ayame down and that was how Hikaru found them later as she searched for Kyo, the boy sitting on the floor, his hakama streaked with dust and Ayame sobbing in his arms. She had taken one look at them and immediately went into action, taking Ayame in her embrace. Kyo ran to the locker room and came back with his jacket which they draped over the girl's shivering body. They had settled her down in the infirmary, a cup of Takashi's strong tea in hand with the sensei clucking over her comfortingly. Kyo and Hikaru had wanted to report the incident immediately to the principal but Ayame had objected vehemently. She didn't want any more trouble, she had said. Really. Please, don't tell anyone.
It was mainly because she was getting distraught again that Kyo and Hikaru had reluctantly agreed to not say anything.
As it was, the next day, Kyo and Kenji had paid a little visit to those boys. Needless to say, they would not be bothering Ayame anymore. Ever.
The girl was still painfully shy around them however, still speaking little in class, but somehow, word had gotten around about the little. . .'visit' he and Kenji had paid to several boys who apparently were 'bullying' Ayame and he noticed a marked decrease in the snickers and teasing thrown her way. It was something at least.
Now though, he wondered what it could be that finally made the girl gather her courage to see him.
"Er, Shiozaki-san. . ."
"I told you, Kyo," he smiled.
"K-kyo. . .san.," she blushed and started to twist a corner of her tie in nervous fingers. "I was. . .was wondering if I er. . .I. . could talk to you? About. . something."
"Sure, " he said easily. "What's it about?"
Ayame threw a nervous glance over her shoulder and gave him an almost guilty glance, cheeks flushed red. "Can we. . .can we talk some place a . . .bit more. . private? That is, if you don't mind," she finished in a rush.
He blinked bemusedly. "Okay. Where do you want to talk?"
"The. . .uh. . ." this time, her voice had fallen to a reedy whisper and he had to strain to hear her, "The. . .rooftop?"
He didn't really think about her choice of venue as suspicious or whatever, so he willingly followed her to the most popular spot for the kids to hang out during lunch time and break. The said rooftop was swept clean, and the spot she led him had a marvelous view of the track field. If he squint his eyes past the tall green fencing enclosing the rooftop, he could just make out Takashi, still surrounded by the girls.
/A prone figure, lying on the floor. Black silhouette against red flames./
Pale blue eyes narrowed even more.
"Kyo-san?"
He tore his eyes away from that maddening sight and gave a warm smile to the still nervously twitching girl. "Yeah?"
"Well, first, I. . .just want to say thank you again for. . .helping me. . .that day. I don't. . .know what I w-would have done if you didn't. . came. Thank you."
He shrugged. "It's nothing. I only did what other people would have done."
She mumbled something under her breath, too faint for him to hear and when he asked, she just shook her head. "Nothing. But, I also. . .want to tell. . .you. . .tell. . ."
If anything, she appeared to getting more nervous, the fingers still busy working on her tie until he thought it was going to unravel from all the plucking.
"Ayame-san?"
She jerked her face up to meet him and said, in one sudden rush, "IreallylikeyouKyosanandIjustwanttotellyouthatandI'mreallysorryifitbothersyo ureallysorrybutIjustwanttotellyouthat!"
It took him several blinking moments to work out what that long string of sentence actually said. When it finally sank in though, what he thought was:
Oh.
Oh dear.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, wondering what exactly to say and feeling like a landed fish. He didn't want to hurt her feelings, but he didn't want to lie to her either. The girl had been through enough. But could he say it?
"You don't like me do you?" she answered him miserably.
"No! Of course I do! It's just-"
"Just not the way I meant it, I know."
An awkward silence hung between them and Kyo could have kicked himself for being such an ass. Ayame looked as though she was about to cry and he wondered desperately whether Hikki would save him.
"Do you. . .," she started hesitantly. "Do you like. . .someone. . .else, Kyo-san?"
Almost at their own volition, his eyes slid to the side, peering again through the green fencing to look down on the white-coated figure. Before he could say anything though, Ayame burst out.
"Why him?! What makes him so special?! What is it that I don't have that he does! Wh-" her hand flew to cover her mouth with a sharp gasp. "G-g- gomenesai, Kyo-san! I don't know why I said that! Gomen!"
With a hurried bow, hand still covering her mouth, she ran off, flinging the door open and frantic feet pounding on the stairs. He quickly chased after her, calling out her name.
"Ayame-san! Ayame! Matte!"
He burst out of the doors at the ground level, startling several people who were walking by. He searched left and right but there was no sign of the girl.
She was gone.
________________________________________________________________________
"Takashi? Can I ask you something?"
He looked up from the immaculate rows of bottled medicine that he was arranging for the umpteenth time. Each bottle was spotlessly clean, no residue liquid trickling out to mar the pristine white labels, so were the glass-fronted cabinets housing them. In fact, the whole infirmary was simply glowing from the frequent cleaning he had given it of late. Hikaru had been giving him odd looks about that recently.
"Nani, Hikki?"
She patted the spot next to her on the sofa. "Come, sit. I want to talk to you."
He followed her softly-spoken demand reluctantly. It WAS a demand and he knew it. Hikaru just has a way to make people jump to her orders when she wants to. He tucked his coat almost protectively around his legs and tried to give her a disarming smile.
"Well?"
She was quite subtle. Subtle as a sledgehammer.
"How do you like Kyo? As a friend or more than that?"
The question he dreaded the most from her. He bit nervously on a lower lip and tried to evade it.
"He is my friend. What's not to like?" He didn't dare look straight at her and instead, focused on the wall opposite. He should have known though, that Hikki wasn't the kind of girl to be easily dissuaded.
"You're not answering the question. And if you're afraid of what I might think, don't be. I know you're gay."
It was a good think he hadn't drunk his tea yet. Otherwise, he'd be spraying it out in shock. (And he just cleaned the sofa too). He spluttered, at loss for words and tried to deny it. One glance of those steely brown eyes told him what a bad idea that was.
"How did you know?" he asked instead, trying to collect his bearings.
She shrugged diffidently. "Never underestimate a girl's power of perception."
"Does Kyo. . ."
"Know you're gay? No. He is, sadly, utterly blind and a complete moron. But I love him anyway. So do you, in fact."
Why bother denying it? It was obvious that Hikki knew more than she had let on and he had to admire her for that. All these months and not a single word. . . .but then, it does make all of her endless plots and schemes explainable. . .I think.
/The one thing he could be grateful for was that Kyo wasn't here with him. Otherwise, it would be the both of them stuck in this racing ring of fire instead of just him./
He clasped his hands together between his knees, staring down. "Yes, I do love him. More than a friend. Ever since you both came running in here on my first day."
A slender brown hand covered his and squeezed warmly. "I could tell. Why do you think I went through all that trouble to get you guys alone together at every opportunity?" There was a faint trace of laughter in her voice, laughter tinged with amusement and laced with a bit of sadness.
"But Kyo doesn't love me."
"No."
That stark admission hurts more than he realized it. Before he could stop himself, he flinched and Hikki squeezed his hand again.
"No, he doesn't REALISE that he loves you. Not yet anyway."
He also couldn't help the desperate hope that crept into his voice and eyes as he faced her, wanting, wishing for her words to be true. "You think so? That he loves me?"
"Why do you think he's been acting so strange ever since Christmas?" Hikki raised a dark eyebrow enquiringly. "He's been thinking about it a lot. I know."
"But he doesn't say anything!"
"He's scared, sensei. Wouldn't you be? I mean, to suddenly find yourself in love with another guy? This is his first time."
What could he say to that? Nothing it seemed as the silence stretched into infinity before them. The only sound was the faint laughter and chatter floating in from the opened window.
"It's his birthday today," Hikaru said suddenly.
He gave her a wary glance.
"Did you get him a present?" she asked instead.
He nodded. "A 1900 copy of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven'. It's been in my collection for a long time."
An elbow nudged his side in sly amusement. "I know what would make an even better gift."
"Oh?'
"Yeah, you telling him your real feelings."
He closed his eyes briefly. Hikaru wasn't the only one who's perceptive. He wasn't blind, or deaf. While he was happy that his feelings for Kyo has her complete approval and enthusiastic support, he wondered how she could bear with it. No, he wasn't blind.
"How do you stand it?" he asked quietly.
"Stand what?" asked Hikaru.
If she could be subtle, then so could he. "You love Kyo. And not just as a best friend."
If he expected her to bristle at his words, or at least, ignore it completely, he was to be disappointed. She laughed instead. "You've got sharp eyes sensei." The laughter was short-lived however and she cast her eyes down to her lap. The hand still covering the sensei's clenched briefly. "Yeah, I love him. Love him so much. But I'm not so lucky as you Takashi."
"Why's that?" he asked softly.
She raised eyes that were dry, but their usual bright sparkles were dimmed. "He doesn't love me. No, I've never told him. I didn't want to hurt our friendship because I know he can never return my feelings."
He smiled sadly. "And you can even devote so much time and effort in throwing us together?"
"To quote a certain manga character sensei; because I love him. Because I love him that I want him to be happy. Even if it's not with me. Just as long as he's happy, then I'm happy."
Wordlessly, he drew her into a hug. She buried her face in his chest, fingers clutching his coat tight. Any other words of sympathy or commiseration would be too coarse to say, he felt. Besides, what COULD be said to somebody who made such a sacrifice willingly with their whole heart?
"Thank you," he murmured.
She didn't reply but instead, pulled herself from their embrace to give him an impish grin, all traces of her wistfulness gone. "Hey, Kyo's coming over in a few minutes right?"
There was something a bit unnerving about her grin. . .
"Yeah, after the kendo club's celebration for his birthday finishes." He took a quick look at his watch. "Which is in around 2 minutes."
If anything, the grin grew wider and his stomach plummeted a few stories down. "What?" he asked warily.
"I've got a sure-fire plan that's guaranteed to get you guys together!" she announced gleefully.
Oh god.
________________________________________________________________________
To say that he was happy that it was his birthday was. . .a bit inaccurate. Ecstatic? Hardly. More like. . .wistful. Yeah, that was it. Wistful. He walked through the halls of Josui High, a hand clutching the cake box. The celebration his kendo club members had given him had to be short, considering that most of them had to snatch the time from in between classes. But he was touched that they took the trouble anyway. Passing by his schoolmates, he smiled and waved at his friends while nodding politely to those he didn't know. Several shouted out their well wishes and he grinned back in reply. They didn't see though, that the smile on his face died as he passed them by.
/Dammit! Leave me Kyo! Get the hell out of here! We can't make it out together!/
He was still struggling with his newfound revelations concerning Takashi and was worried about Ayame. Since her confession the other day, she hadn't been coming to school. He tried calling her house but her parents said she didn't feel well enough to talk. He rubbed the back of his neck wearily and sighed. No, he wasn't really happy on this 'special' day. His feet carried him on the familiar and well-traveled path to the infirmary. He had wanted to have a small, private get-together with Takashi and Hikaru and he was sorry that Kenji couldn't make it. Basketball was taking up every spare minute of his time and when he wasn't practicing, he was trying to catch up on his schoolwork. The four of them had made plans for this evening though and he was looking forward to that.
I think, Kyo sighed silently.
He wondered glumly whether there was any chance that Takashi would finally say something today. . . .yeah, right. Would HE say something today?. . . .fat chance. Coward, coward, coward, he reiterate in the private recesses of his depressed mind.
The white-painted door of the infirmary was closed. He stopped before it, hand hovering over the gleaming wood hesitantly. Well? What are you waiting for? Takashi to fling the door back and tell the whole world he lov-likes you? Idiot.
He took a deep breath, plastered a smile on his face, and rolled the door back on its tracks. He was all ready with a greeting but the words died an early death in his mouth as what he saw registered in his mind as heavy and painful as a hammer blow.
Hikaru and Takashi were kissing.
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~to be continued~
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A/N: Nya nya nya nya nya nya! *Kelly does a mad little caper around her room*. I told you guys I was evil, didn't I???? ^^
