Definition Of A Wolf
Part Eight
Disclaimer: They belong to J. K. Rowling. And ctera.
***
"You . . . You," was all Remus Lupin could manage to say.
The she-wolf stared patiently at him. "You've no idea how long I've been looking for you," she told him. "I've searched high and low, north, south, east, west . . . I could find no trace of you."
Remus struggled to his feet and shook his fur. "Why?" he asked simply.
She stared down her snout at him. She was smaller than he was, grey furred and amber eyed. She had a patient expression, but a terrible nervousness lay underneath it. Her claws dug into the wooden floras if she was assuring herself of its continuing reality.
"Why?" she repeated, staring at him. "You ask me why? Then obviously you have never bitten a human being."
"I haven't," said Remus.
"Then you will not understand the . . . self-loathing I feel every day. The disgust that I could do such a thing. I bit a small boy. I was hungry. There was no other reason. I could have killed you. And you ask why I sought you out? I am a werewolf, but I am no beast. I had to see you. Do you understand?"
Remus nodded. He did understand.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"We've met before. My name is Linda - "
"Garland," said Remus quietly. "You. . . "
"You, Remus, are purely the reason why I took this job at Hogwarts. You weren't hard to find once the 'Daily Prophet' got hold of the Werewolf Teacher At Hogwarts story."
Remus stared hard at her. He wondered why he didn't hate her. She had done this to him, made him into a beast, but he could not feel any negative emotion towards her. He knew she could not have helped herself. It was not her fault. It was a curse, something which could not be stopped. He had felt it himself, had scented humans close by while transformed, felt the urge to hunt . . . one of the strongest instincts in the animal world, that and the urge to find a mate. Some wolves would track their pray for days with no thought to giving up. It was the drive to survive, to live long enough to continue the species, and in a werewolf's case, continuing the species meant biting a human being. You didn't breed werewolves, the gene was recessive. It wasn't often you got something like Claire, his daughter. She had been one in a million. But he tried not to think of those transformations, when he had never had to worry about being alone. It was best to concentrate on Now. He looked back up at his sire.
"I'm still not entirely sure why - "
"Just be quiet and listen for a minuet, will you?" She sat down and blinked at him. "Remus, I am your sire. I may as well be your parent. I want to know all about you, I want to see you well mated - " Remus blinked at this, very, very slightly, but she noticed it. "A touchy subject?" she asked. "Do you already have a mate?"
Remus looked away for a brief second. "There's . . . someone," he said.
The she-wolf raised her eyebrows. "Really? You don't sound too enthused over this person."
"Oh! I am. I mean . . . Sirius, I've always . . ." his voice trailed away. She looked sternly at him.
"I don't think he really wants me," Remus muttered, staring at his paws.
There was a clattering sound from downstairs, followed by a yelp and a crash as something heavy fell into something else. Both werewolves started towards the door, low growls rising their throats. There was an intruder. The wolf in them couldn't be having with intruders.
Remus peered between the banisters, gazing down at the large entrance hall below. Someone had knocked over a statue, which had hit a table, and the intruder was now trying dislodge themselves from beneath both items. The statue rolled away and shattered on the floor. A large black, shaggy dog crawled out of the heap of broken table and wagged its tail.
"Hullo, Remus!" Sirius called up. "Sorry about the mess! Who's your friend?"
"And this is him," Remus murmured to Linda, leading her down the stairs. She gave him a small canine smile.
"You made it," he said, sitting down not far from Sirius. "This is Linda, by the way. She's a friend. I'll explain later."
Sirius' tongue lolled out in a grin. "I've never met another werewolf. I'm Sirius Black." He waited for the reaction this usually generated, but she just smiled at him. He looked slightly sulky for a moment, then gazed at Remus.
"Want to go for a run?"
"How could I refuse?" he chuckled.
Linda looked between them both. "Good luck, Remus," she whispered in wolfish. "I'll stay here," she added in general canine, for Sirius' benefit.
They left the Shrieking Shack together.
***
The forest was as dark and cold as ever, still and silent in the grip of winter. A bird or two fluttered between the branches, and the occasional animal ventured from its home only to search for food. A mist hung between the trees like a giant cobweb, its frail tendrils brushing every surface like a gentle lover, or a parent holding a child, comforting, slightly warmer than the stark air. Insects failed to break the web in their effort- less drifting, the birds only disturbed it for a moment before it re-formed around their flight path.
The trees themselves were mostly huge, contorted structures this deep into the forest. Centuries old, they had been here since the founding of Hogwarts castle and the village below. One could almost see the faces of wise old wizards in their gnarly bark. They stretched up higher and higher, grasping for the sky, battling in slow motion with each other for the life- giving light.
Across the lower trunk of one of the forest's largest trees, moss had grown over part of an engraving in the bark. The picture had once shown a rough star, with four names inside. Now, they were more or less illegible. ". . . ius Bla. . ."was visible, as was "ame . . . otter". Only the 'L' was visible of one surname. The fourth name was totally obscured. An old school tie was draped over a low limb of the same tree.
Sirius lifted it down in his jaws.
"I remember when he left that here," Remus murmured, padding up beside Sirius. "Old McGonagal went spare."
Sirius nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of his late best friend. The tie still had the name "James Potter" embroidered on the back.
"That was the past," Sirius muttered, letting the school tie drop to the floor. He looked at the werewolf. "Remus, I don't want to live in the past. I want to get on with the future." He sat down on the forest floor. Remus watched him. Sirius said quietly, "Remus, I . . . I need to tell you. . ."
Remus breathed a sigh. "No, you don't need to say anything. I know how you feel."
"You do?"
"Yes. And I'm sorry. . ."
"What?" Sirius yelped. "Why? What' -"
"It doesn't make ay difference."
"Yes it does!"
"It doesn't. We can just go on as before. Forget it." Remus looked away, biting back a sob. He should have known as soon as Sirius' name had been cleared that he'd never want Remus, should have known that -
"But I don't want to!" Sirius yelped. "I've decided. I can't keep going on like this."
Remus looked at him again. "Then leave Hogwarts," he said blankly. "If you stay here, there's no way things will change. Sirius, I'll always love you. I can't just make it stop -"
"Remus!" Sirius barked at him. "You've missed the point, you plank. I love you too."
The werewolf stared at him.
"Close your mouth," Sirius suggested. Remus did so. Sirius gave him a huge grin, then pounced on him.
***
The sun began to rise as Sirius and Remus returned to the Shack. They found Linda, and Remus explained who she was, then they had transformed together back into human form. Linda used the next room for her transformation.
Remus and Sirius stared at each other. The werewolf was slumped against the bed, gasping and groaning with the pain of the change. Sirius found Remus' cloths, then knelt beside him.
"Are you okay, Moony?"
Remus nodded. "Just give me a moment."
He shut his eyes and took several deep breaths. There would be no new scars on his body from tonight, but the bruises from the transformation itself were inevitable. And beneath the skin, there would be the wolf, satisfied for now but anxious for its next release. Remus could almost feel its claws digging into his brain. He gritted his teeth against it, fighting it down again.
Then he felt something else. Sirius' fingers were tracing a long, old scar which ran down Remus' chest, wearing a look of desperate concern on his face.
"I wish I could do something to help you," Sirius whispered. "I hate seeing you like this. In pain, I mean," he added. He could certainly get used to seeing Remus with no clothes on, even though all the scars were rather worrying.
"There's nothing more you can do, we both know that," said Remus. He slid his arms around Sirius' waist, buried his face in that soft black hair which he had always adored, and smiled contentedly.
"Moony," Sirius murmured.
"Hmm?" Remus snuggled him tightly.
"Moony, are you *purring*?"
Remus grinned at him, and continued to purr. Sirius sighed after a moment, and pulled away.
"I'd better go before anyone notices I'm missing," he said. "And you'd better get dressed and go to see Poppy Pomfrey." He leaned down to kiss Remus' forehead, then clambered to his feet and headed for the door. "I love you," he told the werewolf, before disappearing down the stairs.
Remus lay there smiling for a moment, then dressed quickly, wincing every time he tweaked a tender joint. Seconds later, Linda was back. She grinned at him.
"Things worked out, then?"
"They did," Remus told her, still smiling. "Well . . . they will, anyway. I know it."
"Good for you - " he began, then stopped. There was another sound from downstairs. They both crept towards the banister and gazed down towards the front door, which was open. Sirius was on the inside, and two men on the outside were staring at him. Remus turned to Linda and whispered to her.
"Go through the tunnel, get help."
"Do you know those two?"
"No," Remus lied.
Linda stared at him, then darted for the trapdoor.
Remus gazed down at the scene below him. He just hoped Sirius could handle this, and send their visitors packing alone. He didn't have the strength for a meeting with these two, not now. Not ever, maybe.
To Be Continued . . .
A/N: To my reviewers . . .
EvaYasha: Thanks sooooo much! I'm really glad you like it.
Lady Midnight: Slow-Sirius is always more lovable than Sharp-as-a-knife Sirius, no? Well, I think so. You know, I have to try REALLY hard not to base my Sirius on your Sirius. I'm getting all impatient waiting for your next chapter - I looooooooove your story!!
White Owl: Heehee! Malfoy rocks, no?
Dace: Look out, Cloud Eight bites.
Jesusfreak[many sevens]: Hear, hear! Or here, here! Whichever it is . . .
Fangless: You are a tart. (Sorry. . .private argument) Padfootwolfboy: Arr, Muse hunting is a tough business. Trust me on the bananas, though. And thanks for your support all through this ficcy!
Part Eight
Disclaimer: They belong to J. K. Rowling. And ctera.
***
"You . . . You," was all Remus Lupin could manage to say.
The she-wolf stared patiently at him. "You've no idea how long I've been looking for you," she told him. "I've searched high and low, north, south, east, west . . . I could find no trace of you."
Remus struggled to his feet and shook his fur. "Why?" he asked simply.
She stared down her snout at him. She was smaller than he was, grey furred and amber eyed. She had a patient expression, but a terrible nervousness lay underneath it. Her claws dug into the wooden floras if she was assuring herself of its continuing reality.
"Why?" she repeated, staring at him. "You ask me why? Then obviously you have never bitten a human being."
"I haven't," said Remus.
"Then you will not understand the . . . self-loathing I feel every day. The disgust that I could do such a thing. I bit a small boy. I was hungry. There was no other reason. I could have killed you. And you ask why I sought you out? I am a werewolf, but I am no beast. I had to see you. Do you understand?"
Remus nodded. He did understand.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"We've met before. My name is Linda - "
"Garland," said Remus quietly. "You. . . "
"You, Remus, are purely the reason why I took this job at Hogwarts. You weren't hard to find once the 'Daily Prophet' got hold of the Werewolf Teacher At Hogwarts story."
Remus stared hard at her. He wondered why he didn't hate her. She had done this to him, made him into a beast, but he could not feel any negative emotion towards her. He knew she could not have helped herself. It was not her fault. It was a curse, something which could not be stopped. He had felt it himself, had scented humans close by while transformed, felt the urge to hunt . . . one of the strongest instincts in the animal world, that and the urge to find a mate. Some wolves would track their pray for days with no thought to giving up. It was the drive to survive, to live long enough to continue the species, and in a werewolf's case, continuing the species meant biting a human being. You didn't breed werewolves, the gene was recessive. It wasn't often you got something like Claire, his daughter. She had been one in a million. But he tried not to think of those transformations, when he had never had to worry about being alone. It was best to concentrate on Now. He looked back up at his sire.
"I'm still not entirely sure why - "
"Just be quiet and listen for a minuet, will you?" She sat down and blinked at him. "Remus, I am your sire. I may as well be your parent. I want to know all about you, I want to see you well mated - " Remus blinked at this, very, very slightly, but she noticed it. "A touchy subject?" she asked. "Do you already have a mate?"
Remus looked away for a brief second. "There's . . . someone," he said.
The she-wolf raised her eyebrows. "Really? You don't sound too enthused over this person."
"Oh! I am. I mean . . . Sirius, I've always . . ." his voice trailed away. She looked sternly at him.
"I don't think he really wants me," Remus muttered, staring at his paws.
There was a clattering sound from downstairs, followed by a yelp and a crash as something heavy fell into something else. Both werewolves started towards the door, low growls rising their throats. There was an intruder. The wolf in them couldn't be having with intruders.
Remus peered between the banisters, gazing down at the large entrance hall below. Someone had knocked over a statue, which had hit a table, and the intruder was now trying dislodge themselves from beneath both items. The statue rolled away and shattered on the floor. A large black, shaggy dog crawled out of the heap of broken table and wagged its tail.
"Hullo, Remus!" Sirius called up. "Sorry about the mess! Who's your friend?"
"And this is him," Remus murmured to Linda, leading her down the stairs. She gave him a small canine smile.
"You made it," he said, sitting down not far from Sirius. "This is Linda, by the way. She's a friend. I'll explain later."
Sirius' tongue lolled out in a grin. "I've never met another werewolf. I'm Sirius Black." He waited for the reaction this usually generated, but she just smiled at him. He looked slightly sulky for a moment, then gazed at Remus.
"Want to go for a run?"
"How could I refuse?" he chuckled.
Linda looked between them both. "Good luck, Remus," she whispered in wolfish. "I'll stay here," she added in general canine, for Sirius' benefit.
They left the Shrieking Shack together.
***
The forest was as dark and cold as ever, still and silent in the grip of winter. A bird or two fluttered between the branches, and the occasional animal ventured from its home only to search for food. A mist hung between the trees like a giant cobweb, its frail tendrils brushing every surface like a gentle lover, or a parent holding a child, comforting, slightly warmer than the stark air. Insects failed to break the web in their effort- less drifting, the birds only disturbed it for a moment before it re-formed around their flight path.
The trees themselves were mostly huge, contorted structures this deep into the forest. Centuries old, they had been here since the founding of Hogwarts castle and the village below. One could almost see the faces of wise old wizards in their gnarly bark. They stretched up higher and higher, grasping for the sky, battling in slow motion with each other for the life- giving light.
Across the lower trunk of one of the forest's largest trees, moss had grown over part of an engraving in the bark. The picture had once shown a rough star, with four names inside. Now, they were more or less illegible. ". . . ius Bla. . ."was visible, as was "ame . . . otter". Only the 'L' was visible of one surname. The fourth name was totally obscured. An old school tie was draped over a low limb of the same tree.
Sirius lifted it down in his jaws.
"I remember when he left that here," Remus murmured, padding up beside Sirius. "Old McGonagal went spare."
Sirius nodded, smiling slightly at the memory of his late best friend. The tie still had the name "James Potter" embroidered on the back.
"That was the past," Sirius muttered, letting the school tie drop to the floor. He looked at the werewolf. "Remus, I don't want to live in the past. I want to get on with the future." He sat down on the forest floor. Remus watched him. Sirius said quietly, "Remus, I . . . I need to tell you. . ."
Remus breathed a sigh. "No, you don't need to say anything. I know how you feel."
"You do?"
"Yes. And I'm sorry. . ."
"What?" Sirius yelped. "Why? What' -"
"It doesn't make ay difference."
"Yes it does!"
"It doesn't. We can just go on as before. Forget it." Remus looked away, biting back a sob. He should have known as soon as Sirius' name had been cleared that he'd never want Remus, should have known that -
"But I don't want to!" Sirius yelped. "I've decided. I can't keep going on like this."
Remus looked at him again. "Then leave Hogwarts," he said blankly. "If you stay here, there's no way things will change. Sirius, I'll always love you. I can't just make it stop -"
"Remus!" Sirius barked at him. "You've missed the point, you plank. I love you too."
The werewolf stared at him.
"Close your mouth," Sirius suggested. Remus did so. Sirius gave him a huge grin, then pounced on him.
***
The sun began to rise as Sirius and Remus returned to the Shack. They found Linda, and Remus explained who she was, then they had transformed together back into human form. Linda used the next room for her transformation.
Remus and Sirius stared at each other. The werewolf was slumped against the bed, gasping and groaning with the pain of the change. Sirius found Remus' cloths, then knelt beside him.
"Are you okay, Moony?"
Remus nodded. "Just give me a moment."
He shut his eyes and took several deep breaths. There would be no new scars on his body from tonight, but the bruises from the transformation itself were inevitable. And beneath the skin, there would be the wolf, satisfied for now but anxious for its next release. Remus could almost feel its claws digging into his brain. He gritted his teeth against it, fighting it down again.
Then he felt something else. Sirius' fingers were tracing a long, old scar which ran down Remus' chest, wearing a look of desperate concern on his face.
"I wish I could do something to help you," Sirius whispered. "I hate seeing you like this. In pain, I mean," he added. He could certainly get used to seeing Remus with no clothes on, even though all the scars were rather worrying.
"There's nothing more you can do, we both know that," said Remus. He slid his arms around Sirius' waist, buried his face in that soft black hair which he had always adored, and smiled contentedly.
"Moony," Sirius murmured.
"Hmm?" Remus snuggled him tightly.
"Moony, are you *purring*?"
Remus grinned at him, and continued to purr. Sirius sighed after a moment, and pulled away.
"I'd better go before anyone notices I'm missing," he said. "And you'd better get dressed and go to see Poppy Pomfrey." He leaned down to kiss Remus' forehead, then clambered to his feet and headed for the door. "I love you," he told the werewolf, before disappearing down the stairs.
Remus lay there smiling for a moment, then dressed quickly, wincing every time he tweaked a tender joint. Seconds later, Linda was back. She grinned at him.
"Things worked out, then?"
"They did," Remus told her, still smiling. "Well . . . they will, anyway. I know it."
"Good for you - " he began, then stopped. There was another sound from downstairs. They both crept towards the banister and gazed down towards the front door, which was open. Sirius was on the inside, and two men on the outside were staring at him. Remus turned to Linda and whispered to her.
"Go through the tunnel, get help."
"Do you know those two?"
"No," Remus lied.
Linda stared at him, then darted for the trapdoor.
Remus gazed down at the scene below him. He just hoped Sirius could handle this, and send their visitors packing alone. He didn't have the strength for a meeting with these two, not now. Not ever, maybe.
To Be Continued . . .
A/N: To my reviewers . . .
EvaYasha: Thanks sooooo much! I'm really glad you like it.
Lady Midnight: Slow-Sirius is always more lovable than Sharp-as-a-knife Sirius, no? Well, I think so. You know, I have to try REALLY hard not to base my Sirius on your Sirius. I'm getting all impatient waiting for your next chapter - I looooooooove your story!!
White Owl: Heehee! Malfoy rocks, no?
Dace: Look out, Cloud Eight bites.
Jesusfreak[many sevens]: Hear, hear! Or here, here! Whichever it is . . .
Fangless: You are a tart. (Sorry. . .private argument) Padfootwolfboy: Arr, Muse hunting is a tough business. Trust me on the bananas, though. And thanks for your support all through this ficcy!
