Eggman: Hi, I'm Dr. Eggman! Or was it Dr. Robotnik? I'm the villain!
Shadow: Brr, that was chilly. Time to blow stuff up!
Eggman: Whee!
Shadow: Done! Okay, let's blow things up even more. Get the Deus Ex Machina Gems- I mean, Chaos Emeralds, and let's go to a long-abandoned and probably extremely dangerous, thinly-veiled Bible reference floating in space. Bye now!
Eggman: Bye!

Sonic: I can jump out of a helicopter and not die because I'm the hero! Whee!

Knuckles: My emerald!
Rouge: My emerald!
Eggman: No, MY emerald.
Knuckles: Hi-keeba!
Rouge: Augh, you broke it! Now we have to have endure almost a dozen levels that involve bad rap and annoying jazz music!

Shadow: Yay! I'm on TV! Exposition, angst! Mariaaa!

Sonic: I regretfully blow you up.
Shadow: Hi there!
Sonic: Arg! You bastard!
Shadow: Lookit what I can do! Deus ex Machina Control! I mean, Chaos Control! I'm the ultimate lifeform. Oop, that's enough exposition for now. Gotta run.
Sonic: Even though I have a completely different combination of fur colors, quill structure, and marking pattern than Shadow, the military thinks I'm him. There's social commentary in here somewhere. Looks like I'm in jail now.

Shadow: If we get all the Chaos Emeralds, we can blow things up! You know, the moon and stuff!
Rouge: Like hell you are. Without me, at least.
Eggman: Oh! A random scantily clad woman who snuck aboard the space colony!
Shadow: We know nothing about you or how you got here. Join us!
Rouge: Okay.

Amy: Yay! Even though you're black and red you must be Sonic! Even I can't tell the difference, for the sake of humor!
Shadow: If I ignore her, she'll go away.
Eggman: BOO!
Amy: Eeek!
Tails: Time to save Sonic. Oops, Amy first.

Shadow: I'm ready to blow stuff up! Specifically, the island. Here we go!
Rouge: Got the Emeralds! Oops, no, wait, you have to save me. It's in my Female Character contract.
Shadow: My obsession with a long-dead girl compels me to rescue you.
Sonic: Bastard!
Eggman: Let's blow stuff up now!
Sonic: ...Bastard!
Shadow: There you are, Rouge. Deus ex Machina Control! Wow, look at the pretty explosion. ...Why did we blow it up, again?

Knuckles: Finding emerald shards, finding emerald shards, doo doo doo...

Shadow: Angst angst angst. Oh Maria. I stare out windows for you. Angst.
Rouge: Thanks for saving me.
Shadow: Shut up.
Eggman: Let's make the moon explode!
Shadow and Rouge: Yay!

Tails: Wow, the moon is half gone now! Well, that'll mess the tides up. Or the moon will spin out of orbit and crash into the earth.
Amy: And it would really make that 'when the moon hits your eye' song literal.
Tails: Actually, we can ignore basic astrophysics for the sake of the storyline. Let's break into the President's limo!
Sonic: Good idea!
Amy: I'll just tag along and whine.
Knuckles: Look at me! I'm in a sewer!

Eggman: You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.
President: Oh goodness.
Sonic: Not as long as I can spew Engrish and confuse the hell out of high authority figures!

Eggman: Well, that was silly.
Rouge: Tails has the last emerald.
Eggman: Follow that freak of nature!
Shadow and Rouge: 'Kay.

Rouge: Well, we followed him... right back to Eggman's base.
Shadow: That was pointless.

Knuckles: That's Eggman's pyramid. I just know that. Don't ask me how. Eek, a ghost! Killitkillitkilli- problem solved!
Eggman: I'll crush you all with a large sentient rock. Oh, wait, it's going to crush me instead. AIEE!
Sonic: A space shuttle! That's very convenient. Bye now!
Tails: Huh! The Master Emerald is floating into space.
Knuckles: I have to crash the shuttle in order to save it! Hi-keeba!
Amy: Look, I'm still here!

Rouge: I'm a Strong Female Character, but I'm going to have to get rescued again anyway, because no self-respecting fictional female would save herself when there's a male around. Eek!
Knuckles: I saved you even though you could have easily just flown out of harm's way. Oh, and I'm going to lie about my feelings.
Rouge: Me too. Have your emerald back. Bye!
Knuckles: Bye!

Eggman: Amy's in trouble again. Inconvienence yourself and rescue her.
Sonic: Bastard!
Eggman: There's two yellow emeralds, I noticed.
Tails: Yeah, and this is the real one! ...Oops.
Eggman: Let's see what happens when we blow hedgehogs up!
Sonic: Hell no. Ex Deus Machina Control!

Rouge: Cleptomania kicks in with a vengence. And hey! Some exposition about the Chaos Emeralds!
Shadow: I realized something! You're a spy for the government!
Rouge: Oh yeah? Well, YOU might not the real ultimate life form, so run along and have one more incoherent level song that questions your true origins.

Sonic: Hi, Knuckles! Just escaping death using Deus Ex Machina.
Knuckles: Hi, Sonic! Just wandering aimlessly until I'm needed for the finale.
Sonic: Gotta go make the colony malfunction. Bye!
Shadow: Oh no you don't!
Sonic: Let's run down this endless platform for a while.
Shadow: Okay, but we're using MY incoherent level music for it.

Eggman: Whee! Earth blow up NOW! ...No explosion? Oh, we're ALL going to die instead. How nice.
Rouge: And now for some major exposition.
Gerald's memory: So, yeah, the military murdered Maria, destroyed my life's work, and now I shall die. But you're all coming with me!
Sonic: Isn't that special. Oh yeah, I'm alive!
Rouge: I'm contributing SOMETHING to this plot! Knuckles, exploit the Master Emerald!
Knuckles: 'Kay.

Shadow: Screw you all! I'm going to go angst some more, while you go beyond your petty quarrels and demonstrate true teamwork!

Amy: I'm about to die and all I can do is whine. I just love how I was written.
Shadow: Instead of trying to save countless innocent lives that had nothing to do with the destruction of everything I know and love, I'm going to angst and pretend that Maria wanted me to make everyone die violently in her memory.
Amy: Get your ass down there and save the world.
Shadow: I just somehow realize that Maria told me to SAVE people, not kill them. D'oh! I have to cry a little and go be a good guy now.

Knuckles: Look! A Deus Ex Machina shrine!
Gerald's memory: Not so fast!
Biolizard: RAAAUGH!
Sonic and Knuckles: Oh shit.
Shadow: I'll beat you down with some angsty music! Hi-keeba!
Biolizard: Owie!
Knuckles: Look, I'm doing the "seven servers" chant from the first Sonic Adventure! References to other games are cool. But we're still going to die.
Eggman: The Biolizard changed its name and impaled itself on the outside of the colony!
Sonic: Well, we need an excuse to go into our Chaos-enriched forms at least once a game anyway. Look how shiny we are!
Knuckles: I'm just gonna stand here and gawk, if you don't mind.

Shadow: Cue the game's main theme! It's not angsty because I'm a happy hedgehog now and, more importantly, I'm shiny. Oh look, Biolizard--I mean, Finalhazard's dead.
Sonic: Whee! Stick the ARK back where it belongs!
Shadow and Sonic: Ex Deus Machina control!
Shadow: Let's go live happy now.
Sonic Team: Sorry, you have to die for no apparent reason. We can't have you running around being happy and powerful in the next Sonic Adventure.
Shadow: Just in case you change your mind, I'm going to plummet to Earth while in my super form into what looks like a portal of light which gives you plenty of opportunity for ret-con.

Sonic: So, he's dead, and even though I didn't like him much until the end, I'm going to be sad while everyone else stands around and completely forgets him.
Rouge: I'll remember him for a few minutes and then hit on Knuckles.
Knuckles: But I'm oblivious to all that. Can we go home now? Angel Island must have squished someone violently by now.
Eggman: Tails and I hate each other, but I'll say stuff to him about my grandpa anyway.
Sonic: Oh, Shadow, you're dead. I'm going to mourn you properly and cry just like normal people.
Amy: Oh no you're not! Force those emotions down or the yaoi writers will get ideas!
Sonic: Too late. Time to meaningfully quote Maria, even though I have no idea who she was.

Shadow: I had a sucky life with what could be a sucky death unless Sonic Team likes me enough to bring me back, but hey, at least I get a neat picture at the end of the credits!

END