Chapter 7: Rest In Peace
The show faded back to find Ryan standing on a street corner, apparently waiting for something.
"Welcome back to the prime-time special Sunnydale Idol! So, let's recap. So far, we've seen contestants Buffy Summers, Tara MacClay and Anya move off to the next round. Eliminated were best friends Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris. How are they coping? Well, here come Xander, Anya and Giles. Let's listen in…" he said, gesturing for the camera to pan up the street.
Xander and Anya flanked Giles as they walked down the street towards Ryan and described to him what happened that morning.
"It's a nightmare!" cried Xander.
"It's fun!" disagreed Anya.
"It's a plague. It's… it's like a nightmare about a plague," he replied.
"We're being watched, by millions of adoring fans!"
"It's like, I didn't wanna be saying things – "
"Like there was a wall missing – " Anya started.
" – but they just kept pouring out," Xander told him, gesturing wildly.
" – in our apartment," finished Anya.
Xander added, "And they rhymed and they were mean and…"
"Like there were only three walls and not a fourth wall and…"
"My eyes are not beady!" he yelled at Anya.
"My toes are not hairy!" Anya yelled back at Xander.
They stopped talking over each other and turned their attention back to Giles.
"Giles, you've got to stop it," Xander pleaded with Giles.
Giles sighed as he said, "Well, I am looking into some leads, and I – "
"It's just, clearly our number is a retro pastiche that's never going to be a breakaway pop hit," explained Anya. "Simon told me I need focus on changing my style to suit the needs of horny, teenage American girls and boys!"
Xander and Giles looked at her in disbelief and when she shrugged innocently, Xander turned back to Giles and said desperately, "Work with me, British man. Give me an axe and show me where to point it."
Farther up the street, a woman was singing to a policeman who is flanked by the three judges.
Giles glanced at them, then struggled to pay attention back to Xander, saying, "Well now, Xander, it's not… quite that simple. But I have learned about some… disturbing things. Basically – "
They continued talking in the background as the camera focused on the woman. The cop was writing her a parking ticket as her car was parked next to a fire hydrant. The woman was singing more to the judges, although she was trying to appeal to the policeman.
I'm asking you, please, no
It isn't right, it isn't fair
There was no parking anywhere
I think that hydrant wasn't there
Why can't you let it go?
I think I've paid more than my share...
"Oh, stop, please… I think we've paid more than our share!" cried Simon, as the cop gave the woman her ticket.
"I don't know, G, she made a convincing case…" added Randy.
"Please, the hydrant wasn't there? It's in plain view! What kind of rubbish…"
The camera panned off to see the woman almost in tears as it returned to Giles, Xander and Anya who were still walking down the street.
"As in burnt up? Somebody set people on fire? That's nuts!" cried Xander, horrified.
"I don't know," claimed Anya. "One more verse of our little ditty and Simon would've been looking for a gas can…"
"Well, clearly emotions are running high," stated Giles, "what with this contest, the cameras and those infernal judges… But as far as I can tell, these people burnt up from the inside, spontaneously combusted. I've only seen the one. I was able to examine the body while the police were taking witness arias."
"Okay," reasoned Xander. "But we're sure that the things are related: the singing and dancing and burning and dying?"
They stopped walking as Giles replied, "We're not sure of much. Buffy's looking for leads at the local demon haunts, at least ... in theory she is, but ... she doesn't seem to – "
"She's easing back into it. We pulled her out of an untold hell dimension. Ergo the weirdness. The important thing is to be there for her," Xander said.
Giles shook his head. "I'm helping her as much as I can, but, uh..." Giles spotted Ryan up ahead and swore under his breath. "Blasted host! Come on, let's take the back way." He led them to a side alley as Ryan walked briskly towards them. But the time he reached the alley, they were gone.
"Well, trying to avoid the host… won't get you any bonus points!" Ryan tried to joke to the camera. He looked a little insecure then brushed it off with a toothy smile and said, "No matter, seems Xander's trying to cause some friction among the other contestants. Can you say sour grapes?" he laughed. "And although they seem to be figuring out a demon is behind it, they think Sunnydale Idol is responsible for a death! Go figure!" Ryan cocked his head as he mumbled, "Well, there was that one time…" Seeing the camera, he caught himself and said, "…uh, yeah, well, we'll see how the other contestants take the news. In the meantime… wait… I don't think we met all our contestants yet. Yes, seems to me, we forgot our favorite resident vaaaampiiiire…" he drawled out for suspense. "And now is a good time as any… Prepared to meet him? We're sure the ladies are. Heeeerrre's Spike!"
The screen cut to a shot of a drawing of Spike in an old book. The picture showed Spike in full demonic visage with text below it in an ancient script.
In the voiceover, Ryan said, "Spike, also known as William the Bloody, is our next contestant. Spike was rather unwilling to be a contestant but lucky for us, Sweet's spell doesn't discriminate."
The screen cut to scenes of Spike trying to avoid the cameramen, growling occasionally, shoving the cameras away. He pushed a cameraman, then clutched his head in pain.
"Spike is a master vampire, who is originally from England. He's killed thousands of innocent people, until a secret government agency put a behavioral modification chip in his brain preventing him from hurting humans," added Ryan in the voiceover before the screen cut to a close-up of Spike in his crypt, turning to find the camera at him.
"Aw, bloody hell, shut the soddin' thing off! Get it out of me face! No! I don't want to be famous, I already bloody am! Now, take that stupid thing out of my crypt, you spineless git, before I show you why they call me William the Bloody, you mindless, little motherfu – "
The screen cut quickly back to Ryan who was now standing outside the crypt at night.
"Ooh! A little rough around the edges, isn't he? Well, I'm standing outside his crypt and we're about to go in and see if our resident vampire can hit those notes or not. Let's watch."
The camera panned to the crypt door as it slowly opened to show Buffy waiting for Spike. He climbed up from the basement to find her there, both of them unaware of the camera peeking out from the door.
"The sun sets and she appears. Come to serenade me?" he mocked her.
Buffy stood there with her hands at her hips. "So, you know what's going on? The host, the judges, everything?"
He approached her, saying, "Well, I've seen some damn funny things in the last two days. A 600 pound Chirago demon making like Yma Sumac, that one will stay with you. I remain immune, happy to say." He held up a bottle of whiskey. "Drink?"
"A world of no," she said, emphatically as she sat. "So, any idea what's causing this?"
Spike looked at her, a little disappointed as he answered, "Oh. So, that's all. You've just come to pump me for information."
"What else would I wanna pump you for?" She cringed. "I really just said that, didn't I?"
"Yeah, well ... don't particularly care about any of it. Damn annoyed at that bugger with the nancy-boy hair, he's bloody everywhere. But that judge, the Brit, he's decent."
"But he's so mean!" exclaimed Buffy. "He told Willow she had no talent!"
"Really?" Spike looked surprised. "Well, don't know, the chap just calls them like he sees them. I have nothing but respect for a bloke who is forthright. Maybe Red has no talent..."
"That's not true and you know it!" she cried.
Obviously bored now, he dismissed her by saying, "Whatever, luv. Anyway... don't want to bore you with the small talk."
Spike walked to the door and opened it to find a very smiley Ryan.
"Bloody hell! Not you, again!"
Ryan continued to smile as Spike closed the door in his face and turned towards Buffy, nudging his head at the door.
"Whatever. Don't know a thing."
Buffy frowned. "What's up? You're all bad 'n moody."
"Nothing. Glad you could stop by."
He made another gesture toward the door but Buffy stayed seated, looking at him.
"It's nothing," he reasserted, defensively.
"What?"
I died
So many years ago.
Spike looked surprised to hear himself singing as Buffy rolled her eyes.
But you can make me feel
Like it isn't so
And why you come to be with me
I think I finally know
Mmm, mmm.
You're scared.
Ashamed of what you feel…
Buffy doesn't look at him as he continued,
And you can't tell the ones you love
You know they couldn't deal
Whisper in a dead man's ear,
It doesn't make it real…
He pointed to his head as she looked at him, then looked away. He rolled his eyes in annoyance.
That's great.
But I don't wanna play.
'Cause being with you touches me
More than I can say.
He jumped up to sit on the coffin, lying down on it and crossing his arms over his chest.
But since I'm only dead to you
I'm saying stay away
And let me rest in peace.
Spike jumped up and the song took on an angry rock beat for the refrain.
Let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and threw it against the wall. Buffy jumped up in surprise but didn't move.
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
I can lay my body down (advancing on Buffy)
But I can't find my sweet release (he turned away from her with an angry gesture)
So let me rest in peace!
She looked at him annoyed and turned toward the door, but he intercepted her.
You know
You've got a willing slave (he went on his knees)
And you just love to play the thought
That you might misbehave. (Buffy rolled her eyes)
But till you do I'm telling you, (he stood up)
Stop visiting my grave
And let me rest in peace.
Spike yanked the door open again. Ryan wisely moved out of his way. The scene then cut to show a group of men carrying a coffin along. A few dozen yards away, Spike and Buffy were walking along side-by-side.
I know I should go
But I follow you like a man possessed
There's a traitor here beneath my breast (he exchanged a look with Buffy)
And it hurts me more than you've ever guessed (looking at Buffy)
If my heart could beat, it would break my chest
But I can see you're unimpressed
So leave me be.
Spike jumped up onto the coffin being carried by the men.
And let me rest in peace
Let me get some sleep
The pall-bearers tipped the coffin and he tumbled off the end of it, bounced to his feet and shifted into game face.
Let me take my love and bury it
In a hole six foot deep
He rampaged through the mourners, tossing their folding-chairs aside. The people scattered, screaming.
I can lay my body down
But I can't find my sweet release...
He grabbed the priest and stared at him. Buffy came up behind Spike, grabbed him and turned him around. They tumbled backward into the open grave. Spike landed on his back with Buffy on top of him. He was back in human face.
Let me rest in peace.
Why won't you
Let me rest in peace?
As the song ended, they still were lying in the grave with Buffy on top. She stared at Spike for a moment, then got off him, leapt out of the grave and ran off. Spike poked his head up out of the grave to watch her go.
"So... you're not staying, then?" he asked. He turned his head slightly and groaned. The camera panned so it focused on what Spike saw, which was the three judges that were off to the side of the grave, watching as Spike crawled out. "Great. My turn, then?"
"Oh, yeah, dog," crowed Randy. "And boy, do you got energy! A real dynamic performance. Really. You got that punk look, but that's okay, 'cause it goes with the song, right? I think you got something there. It's fresh, original. What do you guys think?"
Paula smiled flirtatiously as she agreed, "Yeah, he's a winner, all right. You look amazing and I can feel your torment, you know? You've got charisma and charm. I think you're a very good contender."
Oddly pleased with the comment, he dropped her a quick wink as he said, "Thanks, luv," causing her to giggle like a schoolgirl.
"This looked easy for you, G. You never did this kind of thing before, right? Perform for an audience?" asked Randy, curiously.
Spike thought back out loud, "Not that I can recall... well, this was this one time back in the nineties. I ate a minstrel and had to take his place in front of the Royal Court – "
"Oh, come on. Minstrels? In 1990?!" scoffed Paula.
"*Eighteen* ninety, ducks. Vampire, remember? Keep up," he reminded her.
Randy looked concerned, however, and said, "Is this even part of the requirements? Ryan! Boy, get yourself over here!"
Ryan showed up obediently beside Randy with a heavy tome open in his hand as he consulted it. "Let's see. You can't have signed with a label previous to the show or performed as part of recorded group... but, nope, no rules against performing in front of a Court!" He closed the book with a snap. "He's still a contender!"
Randy shook his head, sadly. "Guess we're going to have to find someone else to disqualify…"
Ryan ran off as the judges faced Spike again, who was now standing, arms crossed, with a huge smirk.
"All right, both Paula and Randy seem to favor you and although you will advance, let me offer my opinion," Simon offered.
Spike gestured with his hand and said, "By all means."
"Your performance was rather inspired. Execution was good and your voice has been probably one of the best I've heard here in Sunnydale so far," he commented lightly.
Impressed, Spike drawled, "Really? Well, then. I knew you were a honest chap… in fact I was just telling – "
"However," Simon interrupted him, "having only heard the shrieking and moaning that these people here have been trying to pass off as good singing voices, I'm not quite inclined to think of that as quite the compliment."
"What?! Now, see here..."
"Perhaps your voice has died as the rest of your body has," Simon continued without pause, "or perhaps it ran off with your soul, but I doubt there is anyone out there in America who would enjoy that kind of caterwauling." He blinked at Spike innocently and added, "What? You wanted me to be honest."
Spike took a moment to visibly try to stay calm and said, "That I did. Anything else?"
"Yes," he added, taking a seat on a nearby tombstone. "I don't what it is about this town, perhaps the air, perhaps the water, that is making you all insist on choosing these horrible dressing styles. Did you think that the Idol in Sunnydale Idol meant ripping off Billy?"
Beginning to lose it, Spike threw his hands up in frustration and cried, "Bloody hell, mate! I said this before. The bugger ripped me off! How many times do I – ?"
"Come on, Simon," Randy interrupted. "I thought it was okay. I mean, it's just a look, you know? Very London punk rock."
"I think it's sexy, actually," added Paula, saucily. "In a bad boy kinda way."
"Right. Well, then, I am the Big Bad, after all," Spike agreed.
Shaking his head, Simon laughed. "Big Bad? Ha, you've been neutered, my friend. London punk rock… really… you Yanks wouldn't know a thing about England if it fell on the lot of you. No, no, no! It's horrible… really. And look at his accent. It's obviously not real and he can't even fake it right. It's not even close!"
"WHAT?! Bugger off! I'm more English than you are, you wanker!" Spike took a menacing step forward.
"Spare me, please. It's obvious you haven't stepped in the motherland inside this century," Simon said with a yawn.
"You bleedin' pillock!" Spike swore. "You obviously wouldn't know what talent is, even if it hit you on the arse!"
Simon looked at him, indifferently and replied, "So you say. You know, that attitude won't get you far. You may want to reconsider some anger management classes. Well then, off we go. See you in the next round."
The judges left and Ryan came up to Spike.
"Hoo-whee!" cried Ryan. "Simon had some strong words for you. What do you think? Is he on the ball?"
Spike, who was still watching the retreating judges, looked to his side, annoyed, and groaned, "Oh, hell. You again…" He turned to Ryan, who flinched reflexively in defense, then said, "Of course the wanker's not right. I'm right good singer. I toured briefly with the Yellow Shoes. We were smashing, if I do say so myself – "
"Yellow Shoes? Who are they?"
Incensed that Ryan could even ask such a question, he replied brusquely, "The greatest punk band to come out of Nevada, that's who! Well, might have been..." Spike flinched inwardly as he recounted, "I sort of ate the lead guitarist before we could record anything…" His voice became incensed again as he defended himself, "Well, he was an annoying little bugger... kind of like you."
Spike looked at Ryan menacingly and Ryan cowered in uneasy fear as he turned to the camera. "Yes! Well... Spike's advanced to the next round but we have more contenders. Right after these messages, don't go away."
As the screen faded out, Ryan stole another quick glance at Spike who was still staring at him and now licking his lips.
