Interlude 8: Sound the Battle Horn

Interlude 8: Sound the Battle Horn


         "Okay, is that host an idiot or are they all really that clueless?! The girl's been kidnapped, doesn't that strike a bell up there?!" yelled Cordelia to the screen and anyone who would listen.

         Gunn shrugged. "Girl, this is the new wave in reality shows… anything goes."

         "But… but…" stuttered Fred.

         "I know, apple pie," Lorne reassured her. "But I'm sure Ryan will figure out this isn't part of the show."

         "You're sure?"

         "Well, uh, maybe ninety-ten…" Lorne corrected himself. As Fred looked at him, he smiled sheepishly and offered, "Eighty-twenty?"

         "This is crazy," said Angel. "I'm calling them."

         "No!" they all cried as he rose to his feet.

         When Angel paused, Wesley cleared his throat and said, embarrassed, "The show is almost over, surely you could wait a bit longer…"

         Angel stared at him and said, "Wes, I don't need Lorne to 'read' Dawn to tell me she's terrified; or Sweet to tell me he's going to kill them all. It's quite evident," he exclaimed, gesturing to the TV sporting the newest Old Navy commercial, "don't you think?"

         "Maybe they haven't called because they're all dead…" Fred whispered, nervously.

         "Come on," scoffed Cordelia. "Don't you think if something big had happened, we would have heard about it? At the very least, I would have gotten a vision!"

         No one said anything as the man on the TV told them all to 'obey their thirst' and drink Sprite. Then Gunn nodded, "Cordy's right. If the Slayer had been killed, every demon from here to the East Coast would be talking about it…"

         "Right. And while Sweet's definitely got murder on the noggin, the Scoobies are still all alive… a little battle-weary, but fine," added Lorne.

         "Battle-weary? But there was no battle…?" asked Wesley.

         "Are all battles physical to you people?" he countered. "These guys have just had some of the biggest emotions in their lives right now sucked straight out of them! I can't imagine they feel all happy-go-lucky…"

         "Yeah, and that Simon guy is slicing it all up with his 'constructive criticism'," mocked Gunn, doing air quotes.

         "All I'm saying," continued Lorne, "is that things are going to get bad… and soon."