Chapter 11: Life's a Show…

Chapter 11: Life's a Show…


        Buffy walked into the Bronze and looked around as her eyes took in the sight of the three judges at one end of the room, tied up in thick ropes and Sweet and Dawn, sitting in chairs on the stage.

        "I love a good entrance," Sweet said.

        "How are you with death scenes?" Buffy replied.

        Sweet just chuckled as she walked a little closer.

        The camera cut to Ryan, as he stood beside the stage and said, "Welcome back! We're now in the Bronze, where Buffy is facing down our singing demon, who kidnapped her sister and tied up our judges," he said, with a laugh.

        "Untie us, Ryan!" cried Paula.

        "You moron!" screamed Simon. "This isn't part of the show! He tricked us!"

        "Too bad, they didn't gag Simon," Ryan joked as he continued, "Abandoned by her friends, Buffy has to face the demon alone. Can she do it? Let's watch!"

        Cutting back to Buffy, she ignored Ryan and asked, "You got a name?"

        Sweet laughed again, "I've got a hundred."

        "Well, I ought to know what to call you if you're going be my brother-in-law," she said.

        "Call him Sweet, Buffy… that's what we call him!" cried out Ryan.

        Randy struggled against his bonds, saying, "G, you're an idiot! He'll kill her… and us! Get a brain and come undo us!"

        Ryan laughed a bit more nervously this time, as if unsure he should risk let the 'show' get out of hand and listening to them or if they were part of the show.

        "Buffy, I swear I didn't do it," pleaded Dawn.

        "Don't worry. You're not going anywhere. I am," she said, as Sweet looked at her.

        "What?" Dawn asked. Sweet looked interested and so sat forward.

        "Deal's this. I can't kill you? You take me to Hellsville in her place," negotiated Buffy.

        "What if I kill you?" Sweet asked.

        "Trust me. Won't help."

        "Hm, that's gloomy!" he retorted.

        "That's life," she answered, simply.

        Sweet chuckled. "Come now, is that really what you feel? Isn't life a miraculous thing?"

        "I think you already know," she said. The she sang,

                Life's a show
                And we all play our parts
                And when the music starts
                We open up our hearts.
                It's all right
                If some things come out wrong
                We'll sing a happy song
                And you can sing along.

        The beat changed to a harsh hard-rock tune with lots of electric guitar. The minions attacked her with pool cues grabbed off the pool tables. Buffy continues to sing as she fought them off.

                Where there's life (she grabbed a pool cue from a minion and hit him)
                There's hope
                Every day's (elbowed the second minion)
                A gift
                Wishes can (kicked)
                Come true
                Whistle while (punched)
                You work (blow with pool cue)
                So hard (blow)
                All day (threw pool cue and impaled the third minion)

        Back to the original ballad melody, she sang,

                To be like other girls.

        The Scoobies came in, saw Buffy fighting with Sweet watching and listening as she sang,

                To fit in in this glittering world.
                Don't give me songs.

        "She needs backup. Anya, Tara," Giles said urgently, and gesturing to Xander and Willow to free the judges who screamed to be let go.

                Don't give me songs.

        Anya and Tara took up positions behind Buffy to be her backup singers and dancers. The three of them moved in sync as Buffy continued,

                Give me something to sing about.
                        Tara/Anya: Ahhhhh...
                I need something to sing about.
                        Tara/Anya: Ahhhhh...

        The hard-rock beat returned as the girls danced to it for a minute, then returned to the first dance and the ballad.

                Life's a song
                You don't get to rehearse.
                And every single verse
                Can make it that much worse.

        Anya and Tara stopped dancing and moved to background as Buffy put up a hand as if to shield herself from the sight of her friends and the judges.

                Still my friends
                Don't know why I ignore
                The million things or more
                I should be dancing for.

        Back to the hard-rock tune, Buffy continued dancing alone.

                All the joy
                Life sends
                Family
                And friends
                All the twists
                And bends
                Knowing that
                It ends
                Well that
                Depends

        Back to the ballad melody, Buffy looked around at the Scoobies and sang,

                On if they let you go
                On if they know enough to know
                That when you've bowed
                You leave the crowd.

        She walked up onto the stage, looked back at the others, then at Sweet who was still sitting.

                There was no pain
                No fear, no doubt
                Till they pulled me out
                Of Heaven.

        She looked back at the others. The camera cut back and forth from Buffy to the horrified faces of her friends.

                So that's my refrain.
                I live in Hell
                'Cause I've been expelled
                From Heaven…
                I think I was in Heaven…
                So, give me something to sing about.

        She whirled around to look at Sweet and begged,

                Please
                Give me something...

        Sweet shook his head. Buffy gave him a desperate look, then turned and flipped off the stage onto the floor. The hard-rock tune returned with the electric guitars playing a wild riff. Buffy danced, faster and faster as Dawn watched in dismay. Sweet leaned forward expectantly.

        Buffy spun wildly round and round and round as smoke began to curl off her.

        Suddenly, Spike appeared and stopped her by grabbing her upper arms. Buffy gave him a desperate, unhappy look. He sang,

                Life's not a song
                Life isn't bliss
                Life is just this
                It's living

        He brushed her hair back from her face, lovingly and continued to sing,

                You'll get along
                The pain that you feel
                You only can heal
                By living…

        Buffy looked like she was about to cry.

                You have to go one living…
                So one of us is living…

        Buffy stared at Spike. Dawn walked forward to the edge of the stage and said, "The hardest thing in this world ... is to live in it."

        As they all looked at each other, Sweet applauded. "Now, that was a show-stopping number." Buffy and Spike turned to look at him, menacingly. "Not quite the fireworks that I was looking for."

        "Get out of here," Willow said, quietly.

        "Mm, I smell power," he said, with a smile. "I guess the little missus and I should be on our way," he added, giving Dawn his hand.

        "That's never going to happen," Giles announced.

        Sweet chuckled again. "I don't make the rules. They do," he said, pointing to the judges.

        "Us?" asked Simon. "We didn't… the network…"

        "…yeah, they told us…" added Paula.

        "Just a contest, you know," Randy put in. "To find the next Idol…"

        "They allowed me to cast the spell and they're in charge of the show," explained Sweet.

        "Hey!" cried Ryan. "I'm in charge of the show, okay? I'm the host!"

        "Charge? You imbecile, you didn't even know that we were really being taken hostage!" cried Simon, exasperated.

        "But… but…" Ryan stuttered as he tried to find some explanation.

        "Okay, everyone, stop!" cried Buffy.

        But Sweet ignored that and added, "She has my talisman on, the sweet thing." Sweet reached out to touch the necklace Dawn is wearing. She cringed in fear and cowered away from him.

        "Oh, but, no, I, I, um, uh, this, at, at the Magic Box, on the floor, I was, I was cleaning, and I ... forgot ... but ... I didn't use it..." she explained.

        "No, we did," said Ryan. "We used it to start the show."

        "You did this?!" Willow cried.

        "Well, not me, per se…" he added hastily.

        Giles looked at Ryan and mused, "If it was in the shop ... then one of us probably..."

        They all looked around at each other as Ryan pointed to Xander who raised his hand.

        "Xander?!" Anya cried, unbelievably.

        "Well, I didn't know what was going happen!" he defended. "I just found it by the Magic Box. I read what was on it…"

        "… I planted it there…" piped Ryan.

        "Then… all this!" Xander said, gesturing wildly.

        Sweet looked at them and chuckled once more. "I called the network and had them bring the show here… Xander was merely a pawn."

        "But why?" Giles asked.

        "Fun… entertainment… you humans are so amusing, with your secrets and your volatile emotions…" he laughed. "And now we have a great show to broadcast… I think everything worked out just fine."

        "They'll never show this on TV," Willow said.

        Paula looked at her and said, "Wanna bet?"

        "Oh, yeah, they'll show it aiight," drawled Randy. "This is FOX, after all…"

        Willow looked at them and said, "Are you trying to say the network will show all this stuff about demons and magic?!"

        Sweet laughed. "Girl, you think I'm evil… I'm just the help. No network like FOX gets its ratings with some… underhandness."

        "So, the network's the Big Bad?" asked Buffy.

        Giles nodded as if it was just starting to make sense. "The network's evil…"

        Sweet smiled. "And you humans would never know the difference. Demons and magic? They would never believe it…"

        "God, we're stupid…" Tara moaned.

        Xander raised his hand carefully again. "Does this mean that I have to..." he gulped. "…be your queen?"

        "It's tempting," Sweet said, as Xander looked at him, apprehensively. "But I think we'll waive that clause just this once."

        Xander was intensely relieved as they watched Sweet say, "Big smiles, everyone! You beat the bad guy!"

        He did a quick spin and sang,

                What a lot of fun
                You guys have been real swell
                And there's not a one
                Who can say this ended well…
                All those secrets you've been concealing
                Say you're happy now,
                Once more, with feeling!
                Now I gotta run
                See you all...

        He turned into a ball of light that swirled around their heads, leaving a sparkly trail. They watched it go and he sang,

                ...in heeeeeeelll!

        The screen suddenly blacked out.