TITLE: "The Tell-Tale Hearts"
AUTHOR: Elise D. (aka LilHairyEyeball)
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.
SUMMARY: AU version of the Season 5 climax
SPOILERS: Up through the Gift
RATING: R for naughty words and bad touching.
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.
There's heavy line lifting in this chapter, mainly from The Gift.
---
"I still don't understand why we're not just trying this," exclaimed Xander, slamming yet another book shut, and pushing his chair away from the light table.
Willow sighed. Why was everyone expecting her to just jump into the magic?
"I told you before, Xander. I don't want to make any mistakes. We have to be sure this will work. I don't want us to all be turned into goats, or make Glory ten times her normal size. I want to be sure. Giles agrees, so just help!"
Xander stopped, mid bite into his jelly donut. Willow was right. She was always right. Giles was right, hell, even Spike was right. And he was just too damn impatient.
"I'm sorry, Wills. I'm just itching for this to be over, yanno?" he smiled sheepishly at his best friend, who nodded in understanding.
"Why don't you go help Anya dig out those other books in the basement? Get away from the table for a while, you look like you need a break."
A wide smile broke out on Xander's face, and he headed off, not without grabbing another donut though.
Buffy watched the events from the loft. Her friends were being so good about this. Even when she told them she'd let the world die rather than see Dawn perish. What would she do without them? She sighed. Or maybe they just don't believe her.
She was shaken from her thoughts by Spike sitting down next to her. He nodded to the table below.
"They do understand, you know. It's just, I've learnt that you damn Scoobies have a tendency to ignore the impending apocalypses, so it seems like you're being flip. I wouldn't think any less of their opinions, though."
Buffy stole a glace at Spike, only to see his concentration was on the witch and the watcher below. How did he always seem to know what she was thinking? It was creepy, and more than a little un-nerving.
"I just . . ." began Buffy, before sighing and shaking her head.
"You just worry they're going to make you choose?"
This time when she looked at him, he was staring right back at her. No flippant comment at the ready, just a look of, what was that? Compassion? Yeah, right.
"Yeah. They need to know I'm serious. I'm too old for this, Spike. I sacrificed Angel to save the world. I loved him so much. But I knew ... what was right. I don't have that any more. I don't understand. I don't know how to live in this world if these are the choices. If everything just gets stripped away. I don't see the point. I just wish that... I just wish my mom was here."
Spike sighed. He'd give his unlife to ease her pain, but there was buggar all he could do to help. Except offer his friendship, and his muscle.
"I wish she could be her too, Buffy. I liked your mum, and I'm sure she'd have a few things to say about this Glory bird, trying to pick on her little girl."
Buffy laughed through the tears, "Yeah, we could have given her an axe, and let her end it all with the power of mothering."
Spike joined in with the laughter. "I know I would be bloody petrified at the prospect! Joyce could wield a mean axe, I've still got the lump on my head." He said with a smile.
Buffy sniffled away the last of her tears, trying to regain some sense of composure.
"Buffy," she stated. At Spike's confused look, she added, "you called me Buffy. You never do that."
Spike shrugged his shoulders, and tried to act nonchalant.
"Yeah well, I figure you're the Slayer to just about everyone at the moment. Thought you could use reminding that there's more to you than that."
Buffy's smile turned to a frown, and Spike opened his mouth, to apologize for God only knows what he said, but she interpreted him.
"No Spike, it's okay. I am the Slayer. The spirit guide told me ... that death is my gift. Guess that means a Slayer really is just a killer after all. I get that now. But I won't kill my sister. I won't. I'll kill everyone else before I let anything happen to her."
She expected her revelation to shock or surprise the vampire, but instead he just bobbed his head in acceptance.
"And I promise, I won't try to stand in your way."
Buffy nodded, a silent gesture of thanks and agreement, and headed down to the research table to help the gang.
---
In the basement, Anya and Xander had just finished a quick bout of comfort sex, and were now back to the task at hand: finding anything to help with Willow's spell research.
Anya slammed a box down with a bang.
"I am so sick of this! Willow has been all "oooh, magic, fa la la" for months now, and as soon as anything serious happens, she clams up! Like a clam!"
Xander smiled, and made his way over to his girlfriend, who stood nervously wringing her hands. He took them in his own, and kissed her gently on the lips.
"Ahn, it'll be okay, I promise you. Willow is de-clamming right now, and we've got a lot to look forward to. Honest, it'll be okay."
"No, you see, usually when there's an apocalypse, I skedaddle. But now I love you so much that instead I have inappropriately timed sex and try to think of ways to fight a god ... and worry terribly that something might happen to you. And also worry that something'll happen to me. And then I have guilt that I'm not more worried about everyone else, but I just don't have enough! I'm just on total overload, and I honestly don't think that I could be more nervous than I am right now."
Xander hesitated. He had the ring, he had the opening, but something about the vulnerable woman before him made him pause. He lead her over to the stairs, and guided her to sit on a step, all without letting go of her hands.
"Ahn. I love you. You are the best thing that ever came into my life, and I don't think I tell you that enough. You push me when I need it, kick my ass when I need it, and care for me when I need it. And I want to marry you."
Her eyes widened, but he continued.
"I was planning on asking you. Got the ring and the speech and everything. Then I look at you, and realize I can't."
He saw her face fall, and immediately shook his head.
"No, no no. I don't mean it like that. I'm screwed up Ahn. I don't want to end up like my dad. Not because I want better for me, but because I don't want you to end up like my mother. You deserve someone whole, and I'm not. Not yet, at least. So, instead of asking you to promise to spend the rest of your life with me, I'm gonna simple it up for you. Promise to help me? I do want to marry you, just not until I know that I won't screw it up in the classic Harris way. Help me get through this? It scares me more than any Hell God ever could."
Anya pulled her hands from Xander's, and folded them neatly in her lap, before letting out a sigh. He let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding, when he started to hear her voice.
"As nice as a marriage proposal would have been right now, I would consider it in pretty bad taste to do it under the stress of an apocalypse. I probably would have said no, anyway. Or yes, and then taken it back when the world didn't end. Or you would have. It would have been a mistake, no matter what happened, even if we all got sucked into a hell dimension. So thank you, Xander. Thank you for not asking me to marry you."
He watched her now. Seeing the deep lines of concentration on her brow, and the twitching of her eyes as she thought over her words. God, he loved this woman more than anything.
"As for ending up like your father, well I think that's poppycock. For one thing, your mother is a doormat, and I am not. Your father would not have gotten away with half of what he did, if he'd married someone like me. Which is why he married someone like her. He knew he'd be the boss. So, I don't think we're in any danger of becoming your parents. That being said, it's clear that living with them for so many years has caused you severe emotional trauma, and we need to sort this, and soon. I was in the vengeance game long enough; I know what it can do to a man. Or a child. Or a wife. So we will work through this. Then, then you ask me again. Okay?"
Xander simply leaned over and kissed the last remaining breath from his girlfriend.
"You are the most amazing thing . . ."
The basement door being flung open interrupted them, and Dawn's appeared.
"Uh, guys? Willow wants you. It looks like this thing is a go."