AGAINST DESTINY

Chapter Nine : First Steps

"Last chance. Tell me where it is," Darius hissed as he slammed a Kappa against a wall in an alley, the one that had escaped from the fight, his fingers wrapped around its neck in a death grip. He only received silence and lost whatever patience he had. "Fine then, Leonardo. I'll just have to probe your mind. See what dirty little secrets you have in there."

Before the Demoner could make another move, the Kappa's arms shot up and snapped its own neck.

Darius let out an infuriated growl and hurled the dead demon to the other side of the alley. "Damn it!! Damn it all to Hell!!!" he roared and went up to the corpse.

He eyed the creature with pure hatred and malice and kicked it continuously to free some of his frustrations. He stopped momentarily and muttered, "Reveal." A sword materialized on his left hand and threw the weapon at the tortoise demon's beaten body.

He paused for a second, drew in a shaky breath, and began to pace around. "I need to work faster... I can't get this far only to fail... I need to control myself... what would she say if she saw me like this?"

"Who would say what?" a voice asked from behind.

Darius' body tensed. He hadn't realized that he had been talking to himself out loud. Slowly and with some dread in his heart, he pivoted and found the Slayer at the entrance.

The Demoner pushed all of his anger and frustration to the back of his mind and put a nonchalant mask on. "Need anything? Up for some shish-kebobs?" He nudged his head at the dead Kappa.

Buffy took a few steps forward and looked at what he had been referring to. She grimaced inwardly at the crushed demon and the sword that sliced through its stomach.

"No thanks," she managed to say in a neutral tone.

Darius crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. "You sure? Turtles and tortoises are considered real delicacies in some countries."

The blonde woman advanced forward. "I feel sure. I'm very sure."

"What do you want from me then?"

"I've got questions and I want answers." Buffy stood right in front of him now, ready to strangle or pound him if he didn't comply.

The Demoner noticed her posture and felt a small nervous tingle at the back of his neck. "Ask away."

"Spike," she began and her eyes darkened, void of any feelings or emotions, totally in Slayer mode.

Darius held back a grin. He had a feeling that Buffy would be coming to see him, but not this soon. His Ahrima Demon had shown him what happened between her and Spike at the park through their telepathic link and in one way or another, he knew Buffy would want answers from him regarding the Ex-Vampire. "What about him?"

"He's not himself. And he started being not himself until that night when we first met. You know something. I want to know what," Buffy said, her voice cold and demanding.

"I have to play my cards right or it could be all over," he thought and decided to play dumb. "He's not himself? What do you mean?" he replied and braced himself for a blow on the jaw but it never came.

Buffy deflated inside and looked away. "He's lost it..."

He raised an eyebrow. "Lost it? As in William The Bloody's gone insane?"

She scowled at him for saying such a thing. "No. He's not insane. He... he's..." She paused to formulate an answer with the right words. "He's broken down. He babbles... I mean babbled a lot last night. Not insaney babbling but I-just-had-to-let-things-out-of-my-chest kind of babbling. He's hurting because he's human again. I need to know how to stop it."

Darius tilted his head a bit and gave the Slayer a long, pensive look. "He was a vampire, your mortal enemy. You were destined to kill him. Why help him?"

The question was one big, hard slap on the face. Why did she want to help Spike? He was a grown man and she wasn't obligated to look after him. What was Spike to her anyway? "Not going there..." she thought but the million questions that swam in her head about the peroxide blond refused to leave her mind. No matter how many questions there were, they all came down to one thing; she either loved him or she didn't and it became harder and harder to deny whatever feelings she had for him . The I-can't-love-you-because-you're-an-Evil-soulless-disgusting-thing tune had lost its use as a scapegoat so what stopped her from loving him?

Buffy tensed a bit and avoided the Demoner's piercing gaze. Whether Darius' question was innocent or not, it sure put her on the spot. A part of the Slayer wanted to run away and escape the question. But the better and stronger part of her told her to stay put and get the young man to help.

The young woman put her hands on her hips and whatever little uneasiness or tension she had on her face faded. "Why do you ask?"

The Demoner shrugged. "No reason. So, where is he?"

"At his new place. I got Clem to watch over him. You in or out?"

"I'm in. How much am I getting paid for this?"

"How does five beatings sound to you?" she smiled though there was no humour or warmth in it.

He chuckled lightly. "No thanks. This one's free. It's on the house..." he trailed off and then frowned slightly at what he had said. "...except there's never been a house to work with. Whatever. Take me to his place. I'll tell you what I know on the way."

"Start spilling," Buffy ordered once they left the alley and headed toward Spike's apartment under the dark sky.

"I met Spike about three weeks ago. He found me at Willy's. Wanted me to reverse a love spell for him, the kind that'd make him stop loving someone," Darius said.

"Did he tell you who that someone is?" Buffy asked curiously and hoped that Spike didn't. For some reason, she didn't want Darius to know.

The Demoner bit back a mischievous smile. "No," was his only answer and glanced at the blonde woman beside him from the corner of his eye. He could have sworn she looked uncomfortable for a second. "The reversal spell didn't work, of course. It kind of went kablooey."

"How come?"

"He did it wrong. To reverse a spell, you have to fix whatever you did wrong. You can't just sprinkle pixie dust, say 'alakazam', and hope that you get a happy ending. The thing is, the mistake he made could've been anything. It would've been searching for a needle in a haystack."

"What'd he do after?"

"I don't know... he just started talking to himself, like he's seen a ghost, you know? And then he ran away and we bumped into you. After that, he seemed okay. We pounded some demons. Met him once at the Bronze. Sparred a couple of times at his crypt. He was fine. Normal... for Spike. That's all I can tell you."

Buffy eyed Darius critically, checking for any signs of deceit in his dark brown orbs but found none. "Good. Glad I didn't have to pound you for it."

"Yeah, well, just don't tell him I told you this. He said he'd rip my arms off if I told anyone. Can't play my flute and summon my beasties without 'em," he joked half heartedly.

"I won't," she retorted flatly.

No more words were exchanged between the Slayer and the Demoner after. They didn't need to so they just walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence.

***

"Nice place Spike got here," Darius told himself mentally as he entered the Ex-Vampire's flat with the Slayer.

The two found Clem at the couch with a KFC bucket and totally absorbed in the show he had been watching. Typical. Buffy went up to the demon and stood next to him.

"How is he, Clem?" she asked.

"Still the same," the floppy eared demon answered. "Want some chicken?" he offered to the two.

"I'll pass," Darius said.

"Me too," Buffy replied and turned her attention back to the Demoner. "Come with me," she instructed and went down the hall that led to the rooms.

The dark haired youth nodded and followed her in silence. Buffy entered Spike's room without a knock while Darius stood at the doorway, hesitant to come in.

"Get over here," she hissed.

He went in and saw Spike sitting on his bed with his back against the headboard. His expression held no emotions or feelings and his eyes were fixated on the wall. At first glance, one could say he was zoning out or in a state of catatonia. But one look at his sapphire blue eyes told the Demoner he wasn't. The blue orbs were filled with guilt, regret, remorse, pain, and self loathing.

Darius almost cringed. Spike had been hurting all this time because of his soul and humanity and he never noticed? Not that the peroxide blond gave anything for him to notice. He then remembered that Spike had muttered something about 'them' and 'Hell' after the reversal spell failed. He didn't know what that was all about but now he did.

Buffy crossed the room and stood to the side of the bed. "How are you doing?"

Spike didn't answer for a long time and when he did, his eyes never left the wall. "As bloody fine as a vampire turned human can be. What's Demon Boy doing here?"

"I asked him to come here. See if he can do something."

The Ex-Vampire bit back a growl. "For the fifth time, Slayer, bugger off. I don't need any mollycoddling. Should've killed me back there instead."

Buffy glared at him. "How can you ask me THAT?!"

"This doesn't look good..." Darius thought and stepped out of the room.

"Right," Spike scoffed. "Don't have the rocks to kill a sodding human."

The Slayer let out an annoyed sigh. Even as a human, the man still managed to get on her nerves. "No! It's not that... it's..."

He cut her off. "Just forget it. Just leave me be. I don't want your pity."

Buffy bowed her head slightly, defeated and turned to leave. "I'll be back tomorrow," she said in a low voice and left. She walked to the living room and stopped in front of Darius, who was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

"You have to do something," she told him. "Take away his guilt or something. A spell..."

"...messed him up in the first place. And another one could make it worse," he retorted.

"But there's gotta be something you can do," she insisted impatiently.

He chuckled softly. "Never thought I'd see a Slayer help an ex-vampire who's suffering from guilt because he killed countless of innocent people."

Buffy shifted her gaze away from him when his words hit her, another slap on the face.

"I can't change anything right now. If there was, believe me, I would've and I wouldn't be here." He shoved his hands deep in his duster's front pockets and headed for the door.

She furrowed her brows at him. "Where are you going?"

"Out. Got a job to do." He paused to answer but didn't face her. "Don't worry. It's nothing Evil," he assured and left.

Buffy's shoulders sagged slightly as she watched him go but composed herself quickly when she approached Clem. "Will you keep watching him?"

"Yeah, sure," Clem nodded. "Don't worry, Buffy. He's strong. He can beat this," he added with confidence.

"I know," she said though she had her doubts. Spike wanted her to kill him. He would rather die than suffer from his guilt like how she had been ready to stay in her mental asylum instead of facing life. "I better go. It's really late and Dawn's probably all worried."

Buffy left the apartment and walked down the street with only one thing in her head; Spike. He was human. He was no longer an Evil, soulless, disgusting thing. And he was hurting because of his soul, just like Angel when he had been cursed.

She felt her heart constrict and her stomach twist because she knew she was partially responsible. If she hadn't treated him like garbage, he wouldn't have done something rash and reckless like cast a spell he couldn't handle. But it was too late, it always was, for her. Things always fell apart in front of her when it was too late for her to fix it.

Her Spike was gone. Her treatment and abuse had finally destroyed him and he was now reduced to a brooding nobody. But she refused to give up. Whether Spike liked it or not, she would help him recover, just like how he had helped her when she came back. But one thing was certain; Spike would never be the same.