When We Were The New Boys

Rose G

Disclaimer - All these characters belong to J.K Rowling. The title and song words below belong to Rod Stewart.

But all my friends have long since gone

Blown and scattered like autumn leaves.

Some are lawyers, and some are thieves,

Some are now behind the sun.

But I'll no, never be afraid,

From the cradle unto the grave,

I learnt my lesson and I learnt it well,

When we were the new boys.

~~~Rod Stewart, When We Were The New Boys~~~

Sirius Black stood meekly in front of Dumbledore's ornate desk, looking glumly at Fawkes the phoenix who was sitting on the piles of paper. The headmaster looked older than ever, the twinkle in his blue eyes subdued, but Sirius still felt that odd sense of awe at the power of this shabby old man. With a supreme effort of will, he raised his curiously dark haunted eyes to meet Dumbledore's, feeling that tremor of fear that Azkaban's guards had left him with - defiance equalled violence.

'Well thanks for that Sirius. It sounds like you've alerted everyone that could be useful, and as I have already received owls from some of them saying they will be arriving tomorrow to discuss Voldemort, I don't think there is anything left for you to do. You'll be welcome to stay here for a few days; the staff rooms are free, or you could have one of the Gryffindor dorms for a while seeing as everyone's on holiday.'

Hesitantly, Sirius spoke. He was finding this difficult - the familiar surroundings of Hogwarts were bringing back painful memories, the feeling of safety was weakening his defences against the grief and loneliness that had driven him for so long. 'I - I'll use the Gryffindor dormitory if that's all right with you. No one else is staying there, are they?'

'Not as yet, Sirius, but I believe some one may be soon. One of the Order has arrived already, and I think that he is waiting to see you.' What colour there was in Sirius' gaunt face left it at the thought of working closely with some one else again. Warning them had been one thing; this was something else. Dear God, what if it's Snape? How am I meant to cope with that?

There was a knock on the door - a sound that made Sirius look up. Remus? Is that you? Dumbledore answered his unspoken question. 'That sounds like Remus now. I owled him right after the third task; he was away in France.'

Remus stood and stared at him - dark eyes and grey ones with something of the wolf in them locking across the room. How old he looks now - how long ago was it when we were young and happy? Have I changed that much? Sirius mused.

Dumbledore looked at the pair, irresistibly reminded of them in their sixth year, standing there with James Potter, explaining why they had transfigured McGonagall's scarf into a boa constrictor and all the while shooting looks at each other that said 'You wait.' How did those two dreamers turn into this? Why could something like that happen to this lot?

'I expected you would, Sirius. I asked Dooby to take you some food up - I thought you'd prefer to be on you own for a while. I appreciate this has all been - difficult. I will see you two tomorrow.' Tactfully, he stepped away from his desk and into the rooms at the back, leaving the two men looking at each other.

Twelve years of hatred, fourteen years of terror, seven years of a friendship deeper than blood... Those sorts of things were not forgotten in a hurry.

'Moony…'

'Padfoot…'

They broke the silence at the same time, then Sirius barked a harsh laugh that matched his matted hair and haunted eyes. 'It's good to see you, Remus. I don't know if you can forgive me, but at least I won't die with that over me.' If he doesn't forgive me, I might as well die anyway. It's not like I've really got a lot to live for. Except Harry…Always Harry…I can't let him down twice…

Remus took a couple of long steps, resting one hand on the taller mans shoulder. 'Don't worry, Sirius. We learnt our lesson. C'mon, Dumbledore mentioned food and I really could use some.' And if I'm hungry, Sirius looks like he's been on starvation rations.

Each step they took towards the common room was full of memories, especially for Sirius. Fourteen years ago, he had known every step - known that secret passage down from that stature into the girls showers, known where the Marauders had teased Snape, played jokes, where they had caught James kissing Lily, where Remus' first girlfriend had slapped him in the face. Remus had spent a year here, so it was not so strange to him, but the Dementors had taken all those memories from him until now.

At the end of the corridor, he stopped, swaying slightly. I almost wish I hadn't agreed to this. I don't want to go back there without James…without Peter. He was one of us at any rate no matter what. Remus caught up with him, whispered the password. 'Remember the time you and James changed the password to Snape and Malfoy forever?' A grin touched his face at the memory of Snape charging after James, only for the pair of them to run into Professor Flitwick and get detentions for a week.

Silently, Sirius scrambled through the portrait hole, and choked back tears. Everything here was the same as it had been that night when Dumbledore had come to tell him that his parents were killed, murdered by Voldemort. The same as it was when we spent that last night talking, swearing never to forget, never to separate, and to come back someday. The drapes in the scarlet and gold of Gryffindor, the roaring fire and food laid out, the windows wide enough for owls, Remus, and in front of them, a painting of the Quidditch team. In the middle, a boy - a young man flying - the double of Prongs, a painting of Harry.

'Remus, would you excuse me for a minute?' For a long moment, Sirius tried to change himself into the great black dog, to distance the pain, the opening of old wounds, but Remus blocked him.

'We promised, Sirius. When we were the new boys here, remember? That we'd come back here one day. And we have. The last of the Marauders.'

'And what does it matter now, Remus?' Sirius' voice was a low husky growl, verging on sobs. 'What does any of it matter now? He's back, and I'm too tired to fight it all over again. Not Voldemort. He killed the Marauders - it's not the same now. I fought him once, and look where it got me. Twelve years - twelve years of hell.' Burning tears streamed down his thin cheeks for the first time since that Halloween night.

'None of it matters, Remus. He's coming back and nothings going to stop him. Peter's with him. And its my fault - I killed them. Lily and James. And Harry - I nearly killed Harry.' Sirius choked, a convulsive, wretched sound. 'What's the point of this talking? It won't do any good - I tried hard enough, but we haven't got enough people. And it was me and Peter - two of the Marauders who caused it all.'

'Oh, Padfoot…Sirius…I'm so sorry.' Remus' voice shook. Again, he lay a hand on Sirius' shoulder, unsurprised that he felt only bone. That hair, and his face…He looks like a male version of a banshee. Sirius shook his head, afraid of what felt like a Dementor's touch and Dumbledore looked at the pair, his heart bleeding for the bright young boy who had come to this - a terrified wreck weeping in his friend's arms for those that he had loved and lost. He stepped into the common room, and walked over to them.

'Is there anything…?'He asked Remus.

Sirius' voice was muffled, the words still clear. 'He's got the Dementors now, and the giants. Oh, hell Remus, if - if they start using the Dementors again, I - I'll kill myself. I don't want to ever go through that again. I couldn't bear to have them touch me again. And I'm scared, Remus. So, so scared…'

'I don't think so, Headmaster. Not yet.'