AGAINST DESTINY
Chapter Eleven : Disclosure
Xander put a box full of assorted gizmos, action figures, comic books, and CDs on the dining table in the Summers residence. Beside the box was Willow's laptop, already turned on and ready for use. "Hey, Dawnie," he greeted when the brunette strode into the room.
"Hey, Xander. What's all that stuff?" Dawn asked and pointed at the box.
"I raided the Nerd Herd's lair the other night. Buffy told me to meet here and go through their things. See if they've planned anything else for us, not that it matters now anyway," Xander supplied.
Dawn stood next to the carpenter and sifted through the box. "Is this all you've got?"
"Nah. I got more of their things at my apartment like Jonathan's Magicks stuff and Andrew's weird summoning instruments," he answered. "Say, where's Buffy? She's suppose to be here by now." He looked at his watch and it told him it was noon.
"She had to go out and do something," she half lied. Buffy had instructed her not to tell Xander that Spike was human and received help from her big sister. "Why don't we get a head start?" the Key suggested. She was curious herself about what the Trio had been up to.
Xander liked that idea. "Yeah, l like the sound of that." He took a seat and inserted one of the discs into the computer.
Dawn sat down next to Xander and watched him go through the files. The disc contained nothing but blue prints for Warren's toys. "Let's put another one in. I don't get any of this stuff," she told him.
"Me too," the construction worker nodded. He put one CD after another in search of something interesting or vital.
The second disc had the 'Star Wars Trilogy' soundtracks, nothing useful. The third one had various AVI movies of the gang, doing things they normally did like Buffy patrolling or Scooby gatherings in the Magic Box, nothing worth while.
The fourth CD nearly knocked Xander and Dawn off their seats. It was another movie except it took place in Spike's crypt's basement. The first thing they saw was Buffy right on top of Spike, both of them naked though tucked underneath the rug.
***
Buffy lay on top of Spike with her head tucked under his chin, her breasts pressed against his hard chest, her arms numb on her sides, and her legs tangled with his. Her body glistened with sweat and tingled in places where it was fun to be tingly. But best of all, it felt like her whole body was on fire, alive, and complete.
"God, Spike. Where'd you learn all those things?" Buffy said between pants, her lungs in desperate need of air from their activities.
Spike couldn't help but put on his best cocky smirk, proud of himself that his performance took her breath away. "Loved that, didn't you? Peaches and Captain Cardboard never gave it to you that good?"
Buffy looked up to him and arched an eyebrow. "Arrogant much?"
The Vampire grinned and waggled his scarred eyebrow seductively. "Wait until tomorrow. I'll show you more."
The Slayer ignored him and placed her head under his chin again. "Why can't it always be like this? Easy and simple. Why does it have to be harsh, cold, brutal, and..." she told him, her voice soft, pained, and barely audible. She cut herself off when she had the sudden urge to leave, telling herself that she was more than satisfied for the night and didn't have to spend another second with Spike. "...I've got to go," she sputtered quietly. She tried to get up but Spike had put his arms around her waist in a possessive and protective grip.
"Stay," Spike whispered, his voice and sapphire blue eyes choked with raw emotions.
She tried to squirm out of his hold but failed miserably with his strong arms wrapped around her and her entire body being somewhat numb from five hours of non-stop action. "I need to go home. Dawn... she..." Buffy floundered.
"...doesn't have to go to school for another four hours or so. Stay, Buffy, please," he pleaded desperately.
"Fine," she relented. She wiggled a bit in his grasp to make herself more comfortable and rested her head on his left shoulder.
Spike watched her drift off to sleep. He then smiled weakly at her and ran his fingers through her blonde hair with adoration and assurance written in his blue orbs. "Don't worry, Love. It'll be okay. Everything will be fine. Your friends may have ripped you out of Heaven but you can fight this."
He sighed heavily and frowned at her as if she had asked a stupid question. "Why? 'Cause you're my Slayer. You've never let anything keep you down. And you've got Dawn. You've got your friends. You've got me."
Buffy let out a troubled groan and began to shift a bit. His hands left her hair, hugged her petite form to his, and kissed her on the forehead. "Shh... don't worry," he cooed at her and drew in a shaky breath. She had almost woken up from a dream, probably a bad one, and with him talking to her in her slumber.
He gazed at her lovingly and continued to run his fingers through her blonde hair. "I'll always watch over you. I won't let anything happen to you. I can make everything better..." he trailed off and when he spoke again, his voice was strained with pain and hopelessness. "...but you won't let me... won't let me into your life and be the man you need... the man I can be," he said sadly in a slightly accusing tone.
Spike drew in another shaky breath with his sapphire blue eyes bright with unshed tears. He stared at her and wished that she would tell him that they had a chance together. He may have claimed her body, but not her heart and soul. And he knew that what they had, whatever they had, was temporary. It ripped him apart and made his insides churn with the knowledge that Buffy only came to him for cold comfort, not his love. Sooner or later Buffy would leave him in the dark.
He gave her a lingering kiss on the forehead and held her tighter. "Buffy... Buffy, I... I..." he rasped and then laughed at himself derisively for what he had been reduced to. "Oh, sod it..." he snarled silently. He glanced at her affectionately and rested his head against hers. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep to dream his good dreams.
***
In Warren's basement, some time in year 2001...
Andrew wiped the tears out of his eyes as he watched the scene unfold in front of him in his computer's screen. He was on camera duty and had seen Spike and Buffy shag until they could shag no more. To be frank, the blonde couple's performance had taken his breath away, the Vampire and Slayer had certainly given him a good show.
"So much heat. So much passion. So much pain. They did it for five hours straight. This is better than free cable porn," he told himself in an awe stricken tone.
He then hit 'CTRL' with 'R' for 'rewind' to watch the scene again, for the fifth time, when the movie ended with Spike and Buffy sleeping in each other's arms.
"...but you won't let me... won't let me into your life and be the man you need... the man I can be," Andrew mouthed the words as Spike said them on the screen. New tears formed in the Demon Summoner's eyes as he watched the display again and again until his shift was over.
***
Back to the present, in the Summers dining room...
Xander froze on his seat and just stared blankly at the laptop. Nothing else mattered or existed in the universe, just the display on the laptop's screen. Spike, Buffy, Spike AND Buffy naked under the rug, sleeping in each other's arms.
The carpenter refused to believe what had happened in front of him but the image and the fact had carved themselves into his brain. The more he denied it, the harder the image fought. There was so much tension and friction in his head that it felt like his brain cells would sizzle and burst into flames at any second.
Dawn wasn't as shocked as Xander. She had already suspected that there was something between Spike and Buffy. She was just disappointed that Buffy hadn't told her. Weren't sisters suppose to talk about guys and stuff, even if they were vampires?
Memories percolated through Xander's brain as the image of Spike and Buffy together buried itself deeper and deeper in his land of denial; a naked Spike doing push ups on his bed, Buffy going invisible. Spike and Buffy. Buffy and Spike. Together.
"They're having sex!!" he exclaimed when every fuse in his mind exploded.
"Who's having sex?" Buffy asked, confused, when she entered the dining room.
Xander bolted up from his chair and faced his friend. "You had sex with Spike!" he sputtered and pointed a shaky, accusing finger at her.
Buffy's mouth dropped open in astonishment and wondered how he knew. Her mental question was answered when she saw the movie on the laptop. The file had reached the end and since it had been set on 'loop', it rewinded itself.
"God, Spike. Where'd you learn all those things?" Buffy said in the movie.
The Slayer scrambled forward and closed the program quickly. She then turned around from the computer with dread in her heart and eyed Xander and Dawn critically. Dawn looked hurt and disappointed. Xander looked pale, wounded, and betrayed. "How am I going to get out of this one?" she thought nervously though she struggled to remain casual.
"You had sex with Spike!!" Xander blurted out. "No... you've BEEN having sex with Spike." His whole body began to tremble. "T-Those... weren't push ups! You... invisible... S-Spike was pumping... oh God."
Buffy took a step forward to try and calm him down. "Xander..."
"Oh my God!! THAT was YOU! I saw you having sex with Spike!! Right in front of my eyes!! Oh God... oh God... this is too much..." Xander ranted.
"Xander, Spike and I.... he... I..." Buffy started but her friend cut her off.
He took a step back and waved his arm at her in a dismissive manner. "I don't want to know this, I don't want to know any of this." The carpenter shook his head to clear the anger and pain that had built up inside him and stormed out of the house.
Buffy reached out for him but he was gone. She leaned against the dining table for support when her knees suddenly felt weak. She knew Xander wouldn't approve of Spike, none of her friends would, but it hurt, worse than she had expected, to see her fear come to life.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Dawn asked sadly, who had remained still and silent during Xander's outburst.
Buffy sat down on a chair and gazed at her little sister. "Dawnie... I..."
"You've been with him all this time and you didn't tell me," she accused.
Buffy looked away from her. "I don't know... it was confusing... us, me and Spike. I'm not even sure if we were an 'us' to begin with. But it's over."
Dawn looked sympathetic. "Must be painful. To have another guy leave you."
The blonde woman's head snapped up at that statement. "N-No! I left HIM... but we both messed up, REALLY messed up. It's better this way..." she trailed off. "...for now," she then continued under her breath so Dawn couldn't hear.
"I always knew there was something between you two," Dawn said.
Buffy raised an eyebrow. "How?"
"When the Glarghk-something stabbed you, you said something about sleeping with a vampire you hate," the Key supplied. "Plus, I saw sparks flying."
The Slayer ignored the last part. "Oh. I didn't remember that."
"Do you still love him?" the brunette prodded. "Did you even love him to begin with?"
Buffy looked down at her hands on her lap. "I don't know... but I'm going to find out."
***
Spike sat down on his couch while he watched 'Passions' on TV with a small grin plastered on his face. For someone who was suppose to be suffering from a century worth of guilt and remorse, he sure had been grinning a lot for the past thirty minutes.
He couldn't help it. Buffy had spent the whole morning with him. They had been civil with each other, they had talked, laughed, and held hands. The soul still burned every fibre of his being but Buffy's visit had eased the pain a bit. It was great to see her smile and laugh, to see her full of life.
The front door then opened and Buffy strode into the living room with her arms crossed under her breasts defiantly and her lips set into a pout. She sat down on the armchair with a frustrated and stressed out expression, while she avoided looking at Spike the whole time.
Spike's grin faded and was replaced by a look of concern when he took in her posture. "Mind telling me what's wrong?"
Buffy found an interesting spot on the dark blue carpet and stared at it. "They found out," she said flatly.
The peroxide blond moved to the end of the couch so he was closer to her. "Find out what?"
She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Us," she supplied and returned her gaze on the floor. "Xander and Dawn saw us together in your crypt from the Nerd's home video."
"Oh," was all he said. He knew the Scoobies wouldn't approve of him and Buffy. They never really liked him. "Anyone else know?" he asked after an eternity of silence.
Buffy finally faced him and made eye contact. The sapphire blues were nothing but serious. "I've told Tara and Giles."
"How'd the whole lot take it?"
"Tara didn't mind. Giles laughed. Dawn's just disappointed that I didn't tell her. And Xander... he doesn't want to look at me right now."
"Do you regret it?"
She furrowed her eyebrows at him, not really getting the question. "Regret what?"
"Us. What happened between us. Do you regret it? Do you want to take it back?" The seriousness and sincerity in his eyes, voice, and expression didn't falter as he asked the question though inside, he hoped against hope for her to say no.
Buffy looked like she was hit by a ton of bricks and turned away from him. Why were people always putting her on the spot lately? After an eternity or two, she looked into his sapphire blue eyes and answered. "No... I don't."
