When We Were the New Boys Chapter 3

Rose G

And we held our glasses high

And we dared to reach for the sky

And we never would grow old

When we were the new boys.

The thirty or so people gathered in McGonagall's office were silently, breathlessly so as they waited for Dumbledore to start the briefing. Half disbelieving, half desperately hoping that Dumbledore and Sirius had got it wrong, the most powerful and loyal members of the magical community sat and waited.

Sirius could feel eyes stabbing at him - the Azkaban escapee, the man who had betrayed Lily and James Potter, the insane mass murderer who laughed as he killed. He longed to scream at them 'I'm innocent, damn you! It was bloody Pettigrew!' but his tiredness prevented him.

After a minute that lasted hours, as long as his spell in Azkaban, Dumbledore began to speak. ' I can see that many of you are surprised to see Sirius here. I am aware of course about the warrant for his arrest, but the reason the Ministry have not yet caught him is because he is innocent. I know that, Remus also knows that. Anyone reporting him will answer to me and to me alone.'

The old headmaster allowed that to sink in for a minute then turned his penetrating gaze on each of them in turn. Sirius felt that Dumbledore looked deep into his heart, saw there the weakness and the pain and he was relived now that the other man knew the worst about him.

'I have asked you all to meet here again, reunited under the phoenix that is the symbol of hope and rebirth. Despite what you may have heard, Lord Voldemort has risen again and he has his servant back. Already, we know the result - 'greater and more terrible than ever before' and none of us here escaped his touch before. Hopeless it seems, yet I have seen hopeless wars won before if all remain true.'

Sirius shuddered at the thought, was grateful for Remus' small smile from across the table. It wasn't much comfort but it let him know that he wasn't alone. Concentrating on that, he blanked out the talk, until waves of rational discussion and blind panic flew round his head like hippogriffs.

He screwed his eyes shut, ducking his head to avoid those piecing blue eyes. Remus looked at him - Sirius knew without sight because his gaze had the intensity of a wolf. It hurt, his whole body hurt and hurt screamed with the feelings that racked his muscles. How can they have all these others so close? It hurts…God, make it stop.

Remus spoke hurriedly, his voice echoing through layers and layers of terror. 'Sirius? Padfoot, are you alright?'

'R-Remus...' He chewed on the words, slurring. Dumbledore lifted his head from his consideration of Bill Weasly and flicked his eyes to the skinny figure of his old pupil. The silence that fell brought Sirius staggering to his feet, one shaking hand grasping for his splintered wand. Azkaban…Dementors…Why so silent? What are they doing?

Bill glanced round at the others, staying them with small gestures while McGonogall whispered to Madam Pomfrey. Get them away. Leave me alone - I'm innocent, damn you all. Lily, James, I never! The scream burst from him. 'I couldn't help it! I didn't! Lily, James, you must know I never did that!'

Lupin wrapped one arm around Sirius' waist, feeling the damp sweat drench his shirt. 'Dumbledore…We need to get him out of here…Something's wrong…Help me.' His voice was a harsh grunt as Sirius struggled.

A few hours later, Sirius came round in the infirmary, captured by the soft white sheets that chafed at him as much as the bars in his cell had done. He spoke to the world he saw; to the white walls and ceiling that hurt his eyes. 'Remus? Are you here mate?'

The two wizards looked down at him. Dumbledore's thoughts darted back twenty odd years. Funny, he always did end up with this bed. That prank of his and James on the Astronomy tower and falling past Filch's window. No wonder I could always lay my hands on him. He suppressed a chuckle.

I'm so sorry for you, Si. I know that I didn't make it easy for you, what with Azkaban and Harry and now this…Remus fingered his wand thoughtfully, lips pursed as he rubbed the old oak wood. I could free him - Moody got away with it on his spiders, didn't he? He showed me how…Dumbledore would understand and he isn't living - he' s existing - he'd only lose that pain if he died…

Sickened with his own thoughts, he turned to the one remaining Muruderer. 'I'm here, Si.' Voldemort's here and whatever you're on is here - I can't keep you safe. 'Always together, Si, like we wrote on the Whomping Willow.' If he died, he'd be with James. James'll look after him; Voldemort couldn't touch him then.

'It's not like that anymore, Remus. When we were the new boys it was, but not now. James and Lily are dead - me and Pttigrew are worse off. And you - a werewolf, what hope have you got? What hope have any of us got?'

Dumbledore winced as he looked at Sirius; at his eyes which were windows onto an empty soul; at the scars which littered his arms. Under his breath he whispered the words which Remus had thought of, but brought no force behid them. 'Avada Kadava. Avada Kadava, Sirius.' Sighing, he stepped out of the room and left the pair alone.

'Every hope, Padfoot. We survived the last one, remember? We can do it again.' James didn't. Lily didn't. It doesn't look like Sirius really did. Werewolf or not, I know who's better off now.

The once acknowledged ringleader of the gang looked up at Remus, his body trembling. 'I can't, Remus. I never thought that I'd ever say that before - but I can't.'

I never thought that I'd hear that from Sirius. Not brave Siri. Only me now - I have to be strong, like I wasn't before. Why couldn't it be like it used to be?'

In the Great Hall, Dumbledore shook his head, grey hair sparking in the candlelight. When I was young, I never thought that I'd be in charge of a war like this…Just thrity odd of us and no help from them. Never thought that I'd be willing to hurt a man like Sirius just to get more help for us. What sort of a man have I turnd into?

In the infirmary, Sirius watched the moonlight filter through the window, making opalescent patterns on the sheet. His eyes stung with tears that wouldn't fall because he'd wept so many. When we were new, I never thought it could ever end. I never thought that I'd be on my own again. From the cradle to the grave…Why couldn't I have gone instead of them?

A/N - I apologise for the mistake earlier that had Remus wearing a silver cross. An oversight on my part and thanks to the reviewer who pointed that out.