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Courage to Find the Strength

Chapter 16

"So, we're at ground zero, huh?" Hermione glumly asked Ron and Harry at the table in the library. Two days had passed since the fight, and the marks and bruises on Harry had almost completely disappeared. Ron was still beaming in triumph whenever he saw Malfoy and was vicariously reliving the pummeling. Even Harry couldn't hide the occasional smirk, but it quickly faded when he thought of all the manure he would have to shovel with Hagrid as part of his punishment. As for Malfoy, he'd had been extremely withdrawn over the last 48 hours, but at least the nasty comments about her had stopped.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say we're at ground zero. We just haven't made a hell of a lot of progress," Harry argued.

"What are you doodling there, 'Mione?" Ron asked inquisitively.

"Oh, something Malfoy asked me about."

"That's the symbol for radiation hazard. What'd he want to know about that for?" Harry studied the drawing concerned.

"I don't know. We were watching a newscast, and he became really interested. I got the feeling he'd seen this symbol before but he had entirely no idea what it meant."

"Seems strange he'd want to learn about nuclear radiation."

"Ok, will somebody PLEASE tell me what the hell you guys are talking about?" Ron cried in exasperation.

"Nuclear energy, Ron," Hermione rolled her eyes. "It's a form of muggle power that's made when atoms are split. Its power is enormous. Mostly, it's used for generating power, but some countries have used it as a form of weapon."

"What kind of weapon?" he inquired.

"Let's just say the Americans used it in 1945, and two Japanese cities were completely wiped off the face of the earth."

"Woah! Muggles can destroy entire cities now?! Amazing!" Ron was in awe. "So why don't we use that power here?"

"It's MUGGLE technology, Ron. It wouldn't work here," Harry explained the obvious.

Hermione had a disturbing idea. "But what if it did work here? I mean, what effect would radiation have on magical beings?"

"What's radiation?" Ron asked again, annoyed at being so ignorant.

"Radiation is the terrible byproduct of nuclear energy. The power of a nuclear bomb's detonation will level city blocks, but it's the radiation that's the deadliest part. It's little particles that rain down from the sky, get in the water, and cover just about everything. It tears through people, makes them really sick. The worst radiation poisoning makes them throw up, pass blood, lose their hair, and then die. But even moderate radiation exposure can permanently affect muggles and the rest of the species of the normal world. It causes cancers, swelling, and premature death."

Ron's expression slowly changed from awe to horror. "So, what's the cure?"

"There is none. I mean there's treatments, but let's just say if there's a nuclear bomb going off somewhere in your vicinity, you hope you go out with the blast."

"But if it's muggle stuff, we don't have to worry, right?" he hopefully inquired.

"Well, that's what I'm wondering. If the Death Eaters are fooling around with this stuff, what if they figured out a way for it to affect wizards and the like?" she answered, posing a terrifying question of her own.

"My thoughts exactly, 'Mione," Harry agreed. "Perhaps, they could spell it so that it would be able to affect all of us. Can you imagine what would happen?"

"Okay, so we REALLY need to find out what's going on and quick. It had to have been months since Malfoy first saw that symbol," Hermione stated, feeling a sudden rush of Gryffindor spirit infuse her. "I think I know what I have to do."

***

It wasn't hard for her to follow his tracks in the snow to the secret clearing. Actually, she was more than a little surprised and more than a little terrified that he'd agreed to meet her. She'd half expected him not to show at all. But, there he was dressed in green and leaning up against a tree when she entered the clearing.

"Granger," he flatly said.

"Malfoy," she managed to spit out despite the furious pounding of her heart and the blood rushing to her cheeks.

"What do you want?" he cut to the chase, not in the mood for small talk.

Hermione, on the other hand, was in no mood to rush things. She didn't know when she would have another opportunity like this. "So, I see things are back to normal for you now. Daddy must be proud."

"Don't make me repeat myself. I'm not in the mood."

She whirled on him suddenly very enraged. "You're not in the mood?! I don't give a fuck if you're in the mood or not. I came here for information, and I WILL get it. One way or another."

The surprised look on his face faded into a deep laughter. She couldn't tell if it was sarcastic or genuine. Probably both.

"Are you threatening me?" He incredulously asked. "You are such the little hypocrite."

She paused, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you are a bloody hypocrite. You're are so full of shit, it's amazing."

"Explain yourself, Malfoy."

"I mean I've always known you were one, but sometimes it really surprises me. You want me to cite examples? Fine. The night I walked in on you using magic to mop up McGonagal's classroom. Remember? When I used magic to bail you out and finish the job, you freaked out on me. Then, you profess you'll 'take me down,' if I come after your friends again, whatever the hell that means, when it was that bastard Potter that threw the first punch. Do you get after him? No! And all that shit about the letter. Hermione, I SAW you kiss him, and it was more than a second or two."

"Malfoy, how do you know what I said unless you were actually awake in the sick room? You're unbelievable! You were faking being asleep! Again!" She threw her hands up in the air. "Well, what's it to you, huh, Draco? So, Ron kissed me! Big FUCKING deal! I didn't know what to do. Since you obviously have NO real friends, you can't possibly understand the situation I was in. If you'd just thought even once, if you'd felt ANYTHING for me, you might have rescued me or confronted Ron or God forbid, fought for me! You think YOU were stupid for caring? Then, I am the BIGGEST MORON that was ever born!!!" She screamed, again crying.

Draco was frozen in shock for a moment, his thoughts racing. Had Potter been telling the truth? Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach. The knot of tension morphed into an enormous anchor weighing him down. "'Mione, you're saying that you really did care for me?" His voice broke.

"No, Malfoy, I was fucking in love with you." Once the swear words began, it was hard for her to stop. Normally, she abhorred such coarse and unladylike language, but right now it felt too damn good to quit.

"'Mione, oh 'Mione, I'm SO SORRY!" Draco felt lower than he'd ever felt in his entire miserable life. "What have I done?" his mind kept echoing over and over again. He went up to her to hold her, but she shoved him away.

"I said, I WAS in love with you, but that kind of disappeared when you beat me up and left me alone in the guest room. And it certainly didn't help the nasty names you called me or having your 'friends' laugh at me the entire time I've been back at Hogwarts."

"I can't apologize enough for that. Forgive me! Please!" he begged. "I was an ass! I know it, but I want it to be like it was."

"Draco," she sneered. "Get bent," and she stormed out of the clearing.

Hermione returned to her room and already half the night was over. "GOD DAMN IT!" she yelled loud enough to startle her roommates out of their dreams.

"'Mione, luv, what is it?" one of them asked in a frightened whisper.

"Nothing, I'm sorry. I just forgot to ask someone a very important question. Go back to sleep."

There was rustling all around the room as the girls settled back into slumber. Hermione put her head in her hands. "Now, what am I going to do?" she forlornly whispered. Crookshanks only nuzzled her legs in reply.

***

Draco hated being manipulated. He hated it above all things. He'd been under the mistaken impression that Hermione had only been manipulating him to get information about the Death Eaters and exact some kind of sick revenge for all the nasty things he'd done to her. Now, he realized he should have known better, but more than that, he realized he deserved whatever revenge she would take.

He was done crying about it. He screwed up royally with her. It was strange how her being muggle-born and Gryffindor didn't matter now in the least. He just desperately wanted to be with her. It was killing him now knowing what he'd put her through. Draco briefly thought about ripping his own hands off because of the pain they'd inflicted on her.

She'd been in love with him! In all his life and fantasies, he'd never thought someone as good and pure as Hermione Granger would ever fancy him. He knew he'd been intensely jealous of Ron's feelings for her, and until last semester he was under the impression she returned them. He figured that he must have still believed that and therefore, it was so easy for him to believe that once she had an opportunity to return Weasley's affections, she would take it.

What would Lucius think of his poor son now? The thought brought him back to a sobering reality. Draco rolled back the sleeve of his robe and stared at the newly made and still healing mark of the Death Eaters. It suddenly dawned on him that he'd been manipulated by the master of the game itself. A new hatred burned through him. Yes, his father and the Dark Lord set about giving him a new purpose, but they'd been entirely wrong about the path he was traveling.