Disclaimer: I don't own anything at all in the Harry Potter universe.
Courage to Find the Strength
Chapter 20
His mind was a constant blur. He somehow managed to dress and feed himself. He could recite an answer to a question if called upon. He could even hear himself laugh on occasion. But all of it happened to him as if he were a million miles away in his mind. Every time he tried to think, he felt weak and insecure so he naturally tried to avoid that as most he could. At night, it was even worse because once the Dark Mark turned black, he had even less control over his actions, but he knew he was more alert during those times. Yet, it was all like a vivid dream that fades quickly when one awakes. By the time he arose from his bed, the sharp images of the previous night were a distant memory.
This went on for a period of a few days, a week; he couldn't be sure. Then, something (or someone) broke through like a whip cracking through the air.
"Malfoy!"
"What was that?" Draco's dim mind wondered, but at the same time, latching onto the sound like a lifeline.
"Malfoy! Did you hear me?"
Draco's head swiveled; his eyes locked on; but still his mind was having problems focusing.
"What's the matter with you? What happened?" The voice was so familiar, and Draco pushed himself for one brief moment of clarity.
"Hermione?"
Hermione sighed in relief. Everything was so strange with him. He smiled like Draco. He laughed like Draco. He even walked like Draco, but his eyes weren't Draco. But, for a brief flash, he'd come back to himself. She laid a hand on his arm, and that seemed to help matters even more because he slowly placed his other hand over hers.
"Draco, can you hear me?" If anyone had heard her ask the question, they would have thought her mad, but she, more than anyone else, understood its legitimacy.
"Hermione?" He asked again. "What's wrong with me?" But, before he could answer, the clarity faded, and he was suddenly plunged into despair and uncertainty.
Hermione squeezed his hand, sensing his retreat once more. "I don't know, but we're going to figure it out. Okay? You try and hang in there. Just try and fight it."
She walked away from him then. As if on autopilot, his smile returned as well as the cocky step to his walk as he headed off to class as though he hadn't a care in the world. Her own steps were shaky as she braced herself for the hardest fight of her life. It would take every ounce of courage she had to find it within herself to love him, to love a Death Eater. The task demanded everything she had with no guarantees that she would receive anything in return. Draco might be lost forever, but despite it all, despite everything he'd done she had to accept that she loved him no matter what, and if that meant sacrificing everything she held dear to see him through this, she would. There would be no more tears, only the daunting task of reclaiming him from the Dark Side. Just as Draco's mind dimmed, her own gained clarity. This wasn't about logic or all her book smarts. It wasn't even about courage and doing what was noble and just. It was about loving someone through the worst of it, not just when your heart fluttered and your passion was ignited. It was about seeing someone on his worst day, accepting that, and dedicating your life to bringing him better days. Love doesn't often give us a choice. The truest love seizes hold of us and takes us on paths we probably wouldn't walk on our own. Hermione was becoming more and more aware of the dark path before her, and just like so many who have lost their hearts to someone else, she had no choice but to go down it.
***
"I don't know what to tell you, 'Mione. Dumbledore was our best chance. I think we had better change strategies," Harry glumly said. Ron nodded mutely.
"What do you think we should do?" Hermione sat in the library at their regular table, voice lowered under Madam Pince's glaring gaze.
"We need to start being proactive again," Harry forcefully declared, fists clenched.
"The last time we did that Hermione ended up in the dungeons at Malfoy Manor!" Ron whispered furiously. "That's why we decided to start tailing Malfoy, and now look how that's turned out."
He shook his head in disgust. "Okay, I know you love him, 'Mione, I do. I've accepted that despite the fact he's evil and a Malfoy and a Slytherin and he wouldn't know what honesty was if it bit him in the ass."
"Ron," Hermione warned.
"Sorry. You want to bring him back from the Dark Side, okay. But you have to think about he might not ever come back. He probably couldn't if he wanted to. Fine, then. We've got to move on. In the end, the outcome will have to be the same. We've got to beat Voldemort, then maybe we have a chance."
"Ron's absolutely right. Malfoy can't help us anymore, but we can help him. We've got to get inside that inner circle somehow, and I think I know who can help us."
"Look, Harry, Dumbledore already said he can't help unless Malfoy comes to him. What else do you want him to do?" Hermione snapped at him.
"No, 'Mione. Not Dumbledore this time. Someone else who knows how to fight against Voldemort. Someone who's been there."
They all held their breath waiting for him to continue. Finally, Ron burst out, "Well, who the bloody hell is it?"
"Snape."
***
"Mr. Potter. To what do I owe this unpleasant surprise?" Snape peered at him from behind his desk, distaste clearly written over his hooked features.
"Professor, I know we've had our differences, and I know you don't care for me much, but I've come to ask for your help with a very serious problem I have."
"Shouldn't you be running off to Professor McGonagal or even Professor Dumbledore himself? Why on earth would you think I would be in a position to help you?" Snape hissed.
Harry sighed. He knew Snape would make this as difficult as possible.
"Because it concerns Draco Malfoy."
Snape sucked in his breath and narrowed his eyes. Harry took this as a sign to continue.
"Malfoy's under Voldemort's control. He's made himself a Death Eater, and now he wants to break free. Only he can't."
"And you think I can help you with this?"
Harry nodded. Snape continued, this time with real surprise on his face. "You're serious, Potter. You honestly think the situations surrounding my past can affect the future of Mr. Malfoy."
"Yes, sir, I do."
"I see. Sorry, but I can't help you." He turned back to his previous task before being interrupted.
"But, sir!" Harry protested when the shock of the dismissal wore off.
"Are you hard of hearing, Potter? I said no."
"But it's Malfoy, sir!"
"Run along, Potter, before you cause Gryffindor to lose points."
"Sir, you are our last hope. Do you think I'd be here if I had any other options? I know you swore to go against Voldemort, and here's your opportunity. A student of yours, a student I thought you admired and maybe even cared about, needs your help, and you just turn your back on him. Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you really are a cold-hearted lonely man with absolutely no redeeming qualities. After all, if even Professor Dumbledore couldn't help, why the devil could you?!" Harry turned around and started to storm out of the office, not caring if he lost Gryffindor all their points or not.
"POTTER! GET BACK HERE!!!!" Snape bellowed. Harry stopped and slowly returned to the enraged Snape, but Harry didn't flinch.
"Who do you think you are, boy, casting judgment on me?! You know nothing of what I go through or anything at all about me. You think you can come in here and just give your opinions like you mattered." They engaged in a contest of wills. Then Snape swallowed and looked down, and Harry knew he'd one. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to help him, Professor."
"And how can I do that?" Snape sneered.
"I know you conquered the Dark Mark many years ago to help out the Ministry and Dumbledore against Voldemort. I want you to help Malfoy."
"What can I possibly do for him? I could barely manage for myself. How do you expect me to help another foolish idiot?"
"Hermione says he's in a fog. Dumbledore promised to help him if he came to him of own free will, but he can't if he doesn't have control of himself. Do you understand?"
"Don't speak to me like I'm stupid, Potter. I can follow your glaringly simple path."
"So, do you think you can help him break the spell?"
Snape considered the matter for a moment, then nodded. "There may be something I can do, but it's risky, and it will take some time to prepare."
"We don't have a lot of time, Professor. Voldemort's up to something big, and I think before long we'll be too late to stop him."
"If you want my help, you're going to have to give me time. I don't know how you brats do it, but I trust you'll find a way like you always do. Now, what happens if it doesn't work? What happens if I can't help Mr. Malfoy?"
"Then, I'm going to ask you to help us infiltrate the Inner Circle."
Snape stared, then made a choking sound, then eventually burst out into a deep sarcastic laugh. "That's the funniest thing you've ever said, Potter."
Harry wasn't laughing, and the force of his will and the intense glare from his green eyes silenced Snape mid-raspy chortle. It was times like these that Snape swore he was looking at James and not Harry.
"You must have a death wish, Potter."
"So you can do it?"
Snape stared at him another moment, then nodded again.
***
"So, Snape said he'd help?" Hermione asked Harry before Transfiguration class the next morning.
"Yes," Harry replied, still surprised that the Potions Professor had agreed so relatively easily.
"Well, what did it cost you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Snape must have asked you for something. What was it?"
Harry shook his head. "He didn't name his price come to think of it."
"Well, I can't believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart. I don't think he has a heart." Hermione grumbled.
"He didn't say he would. He said he would try, but he did agree to help us penetrate the Inner Circle if he failed to help free Malfoy's mind."
"And if he fails at that?" Hermione asked.
"That's where I'm going to need your help with a mutual friend of ours."
Hermione looked puzzled. "Who?"
"Dobby. You've been working with the House Elves, and Dobby know the in's and out's of Malfoy Manor. We've got to get him to help us. Maybe between him and Snape, we have a fighting chance of stopping Voldemort."
Hermione bit her lower lip in concentration for a moment. "It's a start, Harry. It's a better plan than we've had all year."
"Okay, so tonight, we'll use the cloak and go find Dobby. You'll send word? Okay, then, we better tell Ron."
Courage to Find the Strength
Chapter 20
His mind was a constant blur. He somehow managed to dress and feed himself. He could recite an answer to a question if called upon. He could even hear himself laugh on occasion. But all of it happened to him as if he were a million miles away in his mind. Every time he tried to think, he felt weak and insecure so he naturally tried to avoid that as most he could. At night, it was even worse because once the Dark Mark turned black, he had even less control over his actions, but he knew he was more alert during those times. Yet, it was all like a vivid dream that fades quickly when one awakes. By the time he arose from his bed, the sharp images of the previous night were a distant memory.
This went on for a period of a few days, a week; he couldn't be sure. Then, something (or someone) broke through like a whip cracking through the air.
"Malfoy!"
"What was that?" Draco's dim mind wondered, but at the same time, latching onto the sound like a lifeline.
"Malfoy! Did you hear me?"
Draco's head swiveled; his eyes locked on; but still his mind was having problems focusing.
"What's the matter with you? What happened?" The voice was so familiar, and Draco pushed himself for one brief moment of clarity.
"Hermione?"
Hermione sighed in relief. Everything was so strange with him. He smiled like Draco. He laughed like Draco. He even walked like Draco, but his eyes weren't Draco. But, for a brief flash, he'd come back to himself. She laid a hand on his arm, and that seemed to help matters even more because he slowly placed his other hand over hers.
"Draco, can you hear me?" If anyone had heard her ask the question, they would have thought her mad, but she, more than anyone else, understood its legitimacy.
"Hermione?" He asked again. "What's wrong with me?" But, before he could answer, the clarity faded, and he was suddenly plunged into despair and uncertainty.
Hermione squeezed his hand, sensing his retreat once more. "I don't know, but we're going to figure it out. Okay? You try and hang in there. Just try and fight it."
She walked away from him then. As if on autopilot, his smile returned as well as the cocky step to his walk as he headed off to class as though he hadn't a care in the world. Her own steps were shaky as she braced herself for the hardest fight of her life. It would take every ounce of courage she had to find it within herself to love him, to love a Death Eater. The task demanded everything she had with no guarantees that she would receive anything in return. Draco might be lost forever, but despite it all, despite everything he'd done she had to accept that she loved him no matter what, and if that meant sacrificing everything she held dear to see him through this, she would. There would be no more tears, only the daunting task of reclaiming him from the Dark Side. Just as Draco's mind dimmed, her own gained clarity. This wasn't about logic or all her book smarts. It wasn't even about courage and doing what was noble and just. It was about loving someone through the worst of it, not just when your heart fluttered and your passion was ignited. It was about seeing someone on his worst day, accepting that, and dedicating your life to bringing him better days. Love doesn't often give us a choice. The truest love seizes hold of us and takes us on paths we probably wouldn't walk on our own. Hermione was becoming more and more aware of the dark path before her, and just like so many who have lost their hearts to someone else, she had no choice but to go down it.
***
"I don't know what to tell you, 'Mione. Dumbledore was our best chance. I think we had better change strategies," Harry glumly said. Ron nodded mutely.
"What do you think we should do?" Hermione sat in the library at their regular table, voice lowered under Madam Pince's glaring gaze.
"We need to start being proactive again," Harry forcefully declared, fists clenched.
"The last time we did that Hermione ended up in the dungeons at Malfoy Manor!" Ron whispered furiously. "That's why we decided to start tailing Malfoy, and now look how that's turned out."
He shook his head in disgust. "Okay, I know you love him, 'Mione, I do. I've accepted that despite the fact he's evil and a Malfoy and a Slytherin and he wouldn't know what honesty was if it bit him in the ass."
"Ron," Hermione warned.
"Sorry. You want to bring him back from the Dark Side, okay. But you have to think about he might not ever come back. He probably couldn't if he wanted to. Fine, then. We've got to move on. In the end, the outcome will have to be the same. We've got to beat Voldemort, then maybe we have a chance."
"Ron's absolutely right. Malfoy can't help us anymore, but we can help him. We've got to get inside that inner circle somehow, and I think I know who can help us."
"Look, Harry, Dumbledore already said he can't help unless Malfoy comes to him. What else do you want him to do?" Hermione snapped at him.
"No, 'Mione. Not Dumbledore this time. Someone else who knows how to fight against Voldemort. Someone who's been there."
They all held their breath waiting for him to continue. Finally, Ron burst out, "Well, who the bloody hell is it?"
"Snape."
***
"Mr. Potter. To what do I owe this unpleasant surprise?" Snape peered at him from behind his desk, distaste clearly written over his hooked features.
"Professor, I know we've had our differences, and I know you don't care for me much, but I've come to ask for your help with a very serious problem I have."
"Shouldn't you be running off to Professor McGonagal or even Professor Dumbledore himself? Why on earth would you think I would be in a position to help you?" Snape hissed.
Harry sighed. He knew Snape would make this as difficult as possible.
"Because it concerns Draco Malfoy."
Snape sucked in his breath and narrowed his eyes. Harry took this as a sign to continue.
"Malfoy's under Voldemort's control. He's made himself a Death Eater, and now he wants to break free. Only he can't."
"And you think I can help you with this?"
Harry nodded. Snape continued, this time with real surprise on his face. "You're serious, Potter. You honestly think the situations surrounding my past can affect the future of Mr. Malfoy."
"Yes, sir, I do."
"I see. Sorry, but I can't help you." He turned back to his previous task before being interrupted.
"But, sir!" Harry protested when the shock of the dismissal wore off.
"Are you hard of hearing, Potter? I said no."
"But it's Malfoy, sir!"
"Run along, Potter, before you cause Gryffindor to lose points."
"Sir, you are our last hope. Do you think I'd be here if I had any other options? I know you swore to go against Voldemort, and here's your opportunity. A student of yours, a student I thought you admired and maybe even cared about, needs your help, and you just turn your back on him. Maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you really are a cold-hearted lonely man with absolutely no redeeming qualities. After all, if even Professor Dumbledore couldn't help, why the devil could you?!" Harry turned around and started to storm out of the office, not caring if he lost Gryffindor all their points or not.
"POTTER! GET BACK HERE!!!!" Snape bellowed. Harry stopped and slowly returned to the enraged Snape, but Harry didn't flinch.
"Who do you think you are, boy, casting judgment on me?! You know nothing of what I go through or anything at all about me. You think you can come in here and just give your opinions like you mattered." They engaged in a contest of wills. Then Snape swallowed and looked down, and Harry knew he'd one. "What do you want from me?"
"I want you to help him, Professor."
"And how can I do that?" Snape sneered.
"I know you conquered the Dark Mark many years ago to help out the Ministry and Dumbledore against Voldemort. I want you to help Malfoy."
"What can I possibly do for him? I could barely manage for myself. How do you expect me to help another foolish idiot?"
"Hermione says he's in a fog. Dumbledore promised to help him if he came to him of own free will, but he can't if he doesn't have control of himself. Do you understand?"
"Don't speak to me like I'm stupid, Potter. I can follow your glaringly simple path."
"So, do you think you can help him break the spell?"
Snape considered the matter for a moment, then nodded. "There may be something I can do, but it's risky, and it will take some time to prepare."
"We don't have a lot of time, Professor. Voldemort's up to something big, and I think before long we'll be too late to stop him."
"If you want my help, you're going to have to give me time. I don't know how you brats do it, but I trust you'll find a way like you always do. Now, what happens if it doesn't work? What happens if I can't help Mr. Malfoy?"
"Then, I'm going to ask you to help us infiltrate the Inner Circle."
Snape stared, then made a choking sound, then eventually burst out into a deep sarcastic laugh. "That's the funniest thing you've ever said, Potter."
Harry wasn't laughing, and the force of his will and the intense glare from his green eyes silenced Snape mid-raspy chortle. It was times like these that Snape swore he was looking at James and not Harry.
"You must have a death wish, Potter."
"So you can do it?"
Snape stared at him another moment, then nodded again.
***
"So, Snape said he'd help?" Hermione asked Harry before Transfiguration class the next morning.
"Yes," Harry replied, still surprised that the Potions Professor had agreed so relatively easily.
"Well, what did it cost you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean Snape must have asked you for something. What was it?"
Harry shook his head. "He didn't name his price come to think of it."
"Well, I can't believe he did it out of the goodness of his heart. I don't think he has a heart." Hermione grumbled.
"He didn't say he would. He said he would try, but he did agree to help us penetrate the Inner Circle if he failed to help free Malfoy's mind."
"And if he fails at that?" Hermione asked.
"That's where I'm going to need your help with a mutual friend of ours."
Hermione looked puzzled. "Who?"
"Dobby. You've been working with the House Elves, and Dobby know the in's and out's of Malfoy Manor. We've got to get him to help us. Maybe between him and Snape, we have a fighting chance of stopping Voldemort."
Hermione bit her lower lip in concentration for a moment. "It's a start, Harry. It's a better plan than we've had all year."
"Okay, so tonight, we'll use the cloak and go find Dobby. You'll send word? Okay, then, we better tell Ron."
