Dear Journal: Quatre By: Midnight Kisses
Disclaimer: Wish I did. Warnings: Maybe OOC, angsty, maybe shounen ai, dunno yet.
*** December 6th, AC 197 Dear Journal, Iria suggested I keep this after I got so stressed out last week I blew up at the secretary, said it might help relieve tension. I hope it works. My name is Quatre Rebarba Winner, Gundam pilot 04 of Sandrock, head of Winner Corporations, part-time preventor, I'm 17 years old. Shocked? So am I, and I live it! I guess I should start at the beginning huh? It all started in AC 193, I still shudder when I think of what a spoiled brat I was back then. I thought simply because I came from a test tube that I was disposable, unlovable, and could therefore do whatever I wanted. So I ran away, only to have my shuttle hijacked by a group of mercenaries called the Maguanacs. I somehow ended up fighting with them and gaining their respect. They gave me a new purpose and taught me how to live, for that I am eternally grateful. Then the doctor came with Sandrock, the Maguanacs had by that time drilled into me how important it was to fight for what you believe in, and I, like my father, believed in peace and equality. I once again defied my father, and became the pilot to my beloved Sandrock. I will never forget the first time I flew him. He reacted to the slightest touch and almost seemed to whisper to me. He was an extension of myself, one I had not known I was missing. As I soared among the stars that day I just threw my uchuu no kokoro open and felt everything. I felt so small and yet so big. Here I held the fate of the colonies in my hands, but I was only a boy, a disrespectful child. It was almost as though Sandrock knew how I felt, for all the beeping and whizzing just sort of died down, and it was just we and the stars. Rashid has often commented since then that Sandrock was like a mother guiding and protecting her young. Iria would probably send me to Alasha, my psychologist sister, if she read that. The only ones who can truly understand the bond between pilot and gundam are the other gundam pilots... and perhaps Zechs Marquise. When I learned of what Operation Meteor really was, I was crushed. I had put all my faith into the Barton Foundation and they had betrayed me. I spend my days after that trying to decide what to do, I didn't know if I should destroy Sandrock or fight the foundation. But I had no time to decide a course of action, for about a week after that my first orders came in and the doctor informed me of the self-destruct button he had installed. So at his recommendation, I took Sandrock to go join the Maguanacs and tread my own path. I had expected Rashid to accept me into the ranks, not for him to make me their official leader and project! They had decided the only way to both keep and eye on me and take advantage of my tactical skills was to bump me up the ranks to the head. I was terrified at first. Before I needed only to worry about my own life, now I was in charge of the fates of over a hundred men. Each battle I sent them into I couldn't help but think of their families, their favorite foods, their dancing, and their laughter. I went into each battle knowing that I may be ruining a life, perhaps several. But they depended on me, and so I pushed back my fear and did my best to ensure no mistakes. I know the name of every man under my command, and have memorized the personal data and face of each life lost under my command. It's funny, I never thought I'd find anything Treize and I had in common. Quatre Winner
