Ugh! I would have had this chapter up earlier…think SUNDAY. That means for almost a week I've been trying to get this up…but guess what? I write all my chapters in the computer in my room…and I ran out of working floppy disks (had to use to many for a school project). AAAH. It took me until today to get them…so here it is. Sorry, but it REALLY wasn't my fault this time! I'm still sorry though :(
Chapter 4: The Goldenwood Throne
I soon found my opinion of my chance with Mel growing more and more confident. Not to say I was ready to jump in and risk my neck just yet, but it was becoming clearer to me that she did not hate me. At the very least, she didn't hate me in the letters, and those were becoming more and more of what I was than anything oral communication would show. It was harder to convince myself that the ring meant her undying devotion to man she had never seen.
Although the Marquise was not present, Elenet was proving to be a brilliant warning to the rest of the Merindar's. As often as we could, we took walks together in the private courtyards, underneath the hallway leading to the library. The talk ranged from ways to deal with the latest Merindar ambition to the latest winning horse. As was expected, our names were put together quite often, but there was no reason for proof to be found, so the rumors soon died down.
The rain started pouring down for quite a while – races were cancelled, as well as formal and informal gatherings. I've always loved rain. It's comforting, to hear the solid motion of dropping water - it also makes me think of Tlanth, the time I visited on friendly terms. In the midst of the rebellion, it gave me little of the joy I usually held for it – everything seemed to go against me: the mud, the clouds, and the storms. On the days I sat at Bran and Mel's table, it seemed to echo some strange song from the hills. Harmony, peace…I didn't feel like I was an enemy.
Today, though, the rain brought anxiety. I had been putting off writing a response to the gift Mel had given me – riding parties and picnics were small distractions from the problem, and none were happening at the moment. Now, because I had been thinking about it all morning, and because the invitation I had received to Bran and Nee's wedding party arranged by Mel had prompted me, I finally got up the resolve to put my thoughts on paper.
I thank you for the fine ring. It was thoughtfully chosen and I appreciate the generous gesture, for I have to admit I would rather impute generosity than mere caprice behind the giving of a gift that cannot be worn.
After the first part, I gazed at the writing, fingering the ring that I had on, now that I wasn't in public. It sounded stiff - well I should be, for I was unsure how to start. Gritting my teeth, I continued, a faint hope lingering in me.
Or is this a sign that you wish, after all, to alter the circumscriptions governing our correspondence?
I thought – to make myself clear – that you preferred your admirer to remain secret. I am not convinced you really wish to relinquish this game and risk the involvement inherent in a contact face-to-face.
Reading it over, I realized it was slightly rude and a bit forward – but I knew it needed to be said. I wasn't about to fool myself right away into thinking that I was far enough along in my relationship with her as someone other than the Unknown to stand revealing myself. It was better than before…but still a mess of confusion and trouble. If I was going to attempt to convince her that I was not the captor, interrogator and enemy she first knew me as, it wasn't going to happen over night – it wasn't happening over night.
I sent it off, and prepared for the rest of the day.
***
When I came home that day, there was another note from Mel. Taking a deep breath, I opened it slowly. As I unfolded the paper, the words slowly unraveled.
You have given me much to think about.
Will you wear the ring, then, if I ask you to?
I sat down, looking at the small sentences. There was nothing of tone in the text, or gist in the words, yet somehow I knew she understood. She finally realized how I saw it - more than a friendly relationship, for I had given her the ring for a reason. Someday I hoped to have more than paper to show for my efforts. At last, she had realized that when my role as mentor had shed the correspondence had become a strange, interesting sort of courtship.
I had only worn the ring once, on that day when she first showed up for the riding party. That was a foolish thing to do, and so I had not worn it since – not even underneath gloves. Now that she asked me though…well, gloves were in style. It would be easy enough to hide under those.
I slept on it, and in the morning I sent her the only thing I could think of: a single white rose.
I would wear the ring.
***
Elenet told me later of her first informal meeting with Mel, smiling slightly. The smile changed slightly to melancholy as she told of her conversation about Galdran. As she spoke the words churned in my brain to make images I had thought I could forget. The years of being bound by a chain, choked slowly by colorless words and empty feelings. Forced into being stupid, scared of winning simple games – God forbid you ever expressed yourself besides devotion for the tyrant king.
After we parted, I walked up to my rooms, where I was to be meeting one of my spies, slightly troubled. After holding it all up, the memories came flooding thought at a splintering rate. I remembered all the sad songs beautiful voices couldn't sing, the washed out smiles and blank faces. Those were the times I learned how to be something I really wasn't – and when the kingdom came out of it, some of us had forgotten to be who we were. When I had met Mel – it was a breath of fresh air. There was a blindingly vibrant color to every movement she made, every word she said saturated with feeling, conviction and passion. Many people were drawn to her – many were repelled. All of us wanted to revive that feeling in us – and many were succeeding. It was like a bird flying out of a cage into the sun, after years of darkness and confinement. Galdran had done that to everyone – he had even touched Mel's family, through her mother.
Suddenly I gave a start. Mel's mother.
At one time, Mel had told me of the tragedy that had befallen her mother – but there was something wrong with it. Yes, I was sure that Galdran had ordered her killed – but not even Mel knew why. All her mother's books burned – and for a reason she didn't know!
Yet I knew.
It was a problem that had plagued me since the day I found a particular letter from the Marquise addressed to 'King Galdran' – a problem I had yet again tried to forget. The letter explained the dealings of Mel's mother as a mage. It scornfully depicted her quest of making the kingdom better with magic, and her selection by the Council of Mages to study magic. She warned Galdran against a woman who only wanted to help her land, and he had her killed.
So I hope you can understand why I can't think of anything to say on the subject around Mel.
Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair. Unexpectedly, there was a whoosh as my door was opened, and my spy strolled into the room. Startled out of my thoughts, I turned to face him.
"Has knocking gone out of style?" I asked him dryly, but he shrugged. It was part of his job to be unseen, but being jolted out of unpleasant memories was the worst way to be taken off guard. I leaned back to listen to what he had to say.
"The Duke of Grumareth has made a rendezvous with The Marquise of Merindar and her daughter." He coughed quietly, "Their paths have 'crossed', shall we say?"
By that he meant driven together.
"They stopped at an inn, because of the rain I assume – but did not leave until second-green."
I nodded. Of course they were planning something, that was no surprise. I just needed to find out what. I ordered the spy to keep working, and sent out more equerries. It was now all a matter of waiting – stressful and frustrating – but unless I thought I could march out towards the Marquise right this moment and tell her what I thought of her and her offspring – which I couldn't – then I would have to leave it to my net of riders.
***
The days flowed on, and I began to feel a sense of routine. The only thing that stands out in my mind is my steadily improving relationship with the Countess of Tlanth. It was slow – painstakingly slow – and our conversations were almost always with other people – but finally, finally, my confidence in her and myself was being rebuilt. It made me feel like, at long last, she was beginning to see my side of the story.
Elenet and I still stayed close, now more than ever, with the impending threat of the Merindar's. At times I wondered what Flauvic himself paid any heed to the warning, for he seemed to be detached from everything his family plotted – even if my past experiences with him could never draw the same picture. In any case, he was not blind: Elenet was there.
There were also growing whispers – ones that could not even escape my ears – wondering when my coronation would take place. That topic was a battlefield of mixed emotions. Generally, the kings were usually married, and although not a mandate, I wanted to have some prospects. I just didn't think I could possibly choose a wife – or even pretend to – while Mel still occupied my every thought.
Speaking of the countess, our correspondence was pleasant as ever – but something in me was nagging to take it one step further. In my last letter, I had copied pages of a book contemplating King Mages, and though the conversation was humorous (and, considering I was to be king and knew no magic, ironic), it was somehow empty.
Because of this, I was relived – overjoyed, really – to receive her next letter.
I can find it in myself to agree with the main points, that kings ought not to be sorcerers, and that two kinds of power are better left in the charge of different persons. But I must confess that trouble in Chwairsland and Colend seems a minor issue right now. The problems of wicked mage-kings are as distant as those two kingdoms, and what occupy my attention now are problems closer to home. Everyone seems to whisper about the strange delay concerning our own empty throne, but as yet no one seems willing to speak aloud. Have you any insights on why the Renselaeus family has not made any definite plans?
As I finished the letter, I drew a shaky breath and let it back out. To my great surprise and happiness, she had done the step for me – she had bridged the gap between safe subjects to a more specific, personal one. This move made me both brave and scared, but I knew there was only one thing to be done. I had to find out something, gain any kind of ground possible. I would at least have some kind of idea of my place as 'The Marquis', depending on how she acted.
As I picked up my pen and determinedly put pen to paper, I kept thinking of all the things I had noticed about her of late. The way her eyes seemed to be on me, the way she didn't rush when she saw me, or avoid me – I even thought about the ring she unwittingly gave me! -…the thoughts helped me to think that I was doing wasn't foolhardy, or that I was in for a downfall. It just took my mind off our problems…and I was able to focus on her eyes, looking at me without fear for the first time. After I had finished, I read it over.
You ask why there has been no formal announcement concerning a coronation. I think this question is better addressed to the person most concerned, but I do know this: Nothing will be announced until the sculptors have finished refashioning a goldenwood throne for a queen.
I doubt she would note the irony, not knowing who I was, but it gave me comfort to know it myself. As for the throne – there was none. Maybe, though, the signs that I had read were accurate, and she had feelings about me – or was staring to. If this was true…perhaps I could at least get some vague proof of those feelings, depending on how she acted. It was only a hope, but it was better than what I had at this moment.
I could not send the letter until after sword practice, so I got dressed in my riding leathers and headed for the gymnasium. It was a beautiful room, enormous and ancient. Long ago it had been used for armies, their banners hanging on the walls. Not so long ago Galdran used it for his own terrifying army. Even though I didn't enjoy some of the memories it gave me, for some reason it always helped practice swordplay, like I was back up against the hated king Galdran with Mel.
When I got there, Mel herself was being clobbered valiantly by one of Nee's cousins – although her enthusiasm more than made up for her disadvantage of experience. Realizing she probably wouldn't have gotten my letter yet, I felt a surge of bravery take over my body. What better time to test my grounds than now?
Before I got the chance to approach her, Bran and Russav greeted me, and followed me up to Mel, where she stood after finishing the session with Lornav. For some odd, amazing reason, as I tapped her on the shoulder with my practice, I wasn't anxious or nervous. To my great surprise – and gratefulness – I was becoming comfortable with her in person.
When she turned around and saw me, I couldn't help but notice the gape on her face. I also couldn't help but smile, flanked by Bran and Russav (who were probably at this moment looking at me with approval or snickering to themselves). "Come, Lady Meliara," I said smoothly, "Let's see how much you've learned since you took on Galdran."
A small blush rose in her cheeks. "I didn't take on Galdran," she protested, and my smile grew.
"I don't know what you'd call it, then, Mel," Bran spoke up, leaning on his sword and taking turns from grinning at Mel to grinning at me. "Looked like you went have-at-'im to me."
"I was just trying to defend you," she retorted as we laughed. When it died down she grumbled, "and a fat lot of good it did, too! He knocked me right out of the saddle!"
"Hit you from behind," I said, smiling, with a tone of indignation, "Apparently he was afraid to confront so formidable a foe face-to-face."
There was laughter at this, though I'm sure everyone within hearing distance could sense the mocking of Galdran, and the joy of freedom in our voices. Before the laughter could die down I raised my point and cajoled her further. "Come now. Blade up."
She sighed, and I believe it was at that moment I realized with joy that it was a playful sigh, and that it was possible she was glad to have me in her company. My smile grew even wider as she spoke next. "I've already been made into cheese by Derec there, and Renna, and Lornav, but if you think I merit another defeat…"
We laughed again, and, sensing her consent, squared off. Bran with Russav, and Mel with me. The fight was what I assumed she had been used to all day; not very long withstanding, truth be told. She had improved immensely, though, and held her own. No one would dream of insulting her with handicaps, her passion for it caught many of us by surprise. It's true she lost, but it was not so easy a loss as when she came here before.
It was soon after we were done that the bell for third-gold rang, and the hall was thrown into a well-rehearsed chaos. Although some who were not going to Court, many of us had our duties to fill.
I glanced at Mel, who had never been there before – besides when Galdran ruled. Who would want to go to that place again after experiencing it for the first time? I realized, though, that that was what I used to (maybe still did) represent to her: a room full of mocking courtiers. That room, although it was the place that I fell in love with her, was the room where I brought her as a captive. As long as she felt that way about it, she would never see how different Athanarel's court was. These thoughts helped me muster up my courage.
She turned away from the rushing people – to find me. "You've never sampled the delights of the Petitioner's Court," I told her neutrally. As I said this, though, a shiver went through her body, and it was easy to tell she was thinking of Galdran on that goldenwood throne, laughing at her. I said quickly and quietly, "It is no longer an opportunity for a single individual to practice summary justice such as you experienced on your single visit." She had to see what I meant…
"I'm certain you don't just sit around happily and play cards," she muttered, not meeting my eyes.
"Sometimes we do, when there are no petitioners. Or we listen to music. But when there is business, we listen to the petitioners, accept whatever they offer in the way of proof, and promise a decision at a later date. That's for the first two greens. The last is spent in discussing impressions of the evidence at hand; sometimes agreement is reached, and sometimes we decide that further investigation is required before a decision can be made."
At these words, she looked up at me in surprise. I tried to look at her in a neutral tone again, presenting what I knew of the Court, trying to let her see that with the fall of Galdran went his ways – ways we all hated.
Finally she said, "You listen to the opinions of whoever comes to the Court?"
"Of course," I said, "It means they want to part of government, even if their part is to be merely ornamental."
Her next statement sent my mind whirring. "Why should I be there? I remember what you said about worthless advisors."
It took me a second to realize she was talking about the time I had dinner with her at Tlanth. Life, the dinner! Where she told me of every thought that had ever crossed her mind…where I stared at her in awe, where I knew, without a doubt or a chance to deny, of how deeply I loved her – in every aspect possible. Now here she was telling me that I didn't value her opinion, her reason being the example when I had come to value it with my life.
My next words came out rapidly, a reaction from my thoughts. "Do you think any opinion you would have to offer would be worthless?"
"It doesn't matter what I think of my opinion," she retorted, and then changed her train of thought, "I mean to say, it is not me making the decisions."
I raised my eyebrows, "So what you seem to be implying is that I think your opinion worthless." This was absurd! If she only knew…
"Well, don't you?"
I sighed, "When have I said so?"
"At the inn in Lumm, last year. And before that. About our letter to Galdran, and our opinion of courtiers."
"I wasn't you opinion I pointed up, it was your ignorance," I said, trying to not let my frustration show. "You seem to have made truly admirable efforts to overcome that handicap. Why not share what you've learned?"
She shrugged. "Why don't you have Elenet there?"
The question confused me, since I had already done so – I would assume she knew. "An excellent suggestion, and one I acted on immediately after she arrived at Athanarel. She's contributed some very fine insights. She's another, by the way, who took her own education in hand. Three years ago about all she knew was how to paint fans." And I'd bet everything I owned that she could do better than anyone else.
I'm pretty sure she knew she was in a corner, so she wearily said, "All right, then. I'll go get Mora to dig out that Court dress I ordered and be there to blister you all with my brilliance."
Keeping an almost knowing smile from my face, I bowed and casually saluted her, walking off to get ready – and to send the letter.
***
I sat below my parents, kneeling formally on expensive cushions behind a long ivory table. People were milling about, waiting for the Court to begin – I myself was growing restless. I felt in place with the rest of the court in my white tunic, winking with silver and blue gemstones. My hair also caught the light, for braided into were the same colored gems.
Even though I suppose I fit in, I did not feel comfortable, and I never would. Although Galdran's banners had been removed long ago, leaving only the tattered flag of Remalna, I remembered standing on the other side, forced to act like an idiot around both my friends and the king, just so I could stand here.
After a few moments, the Court commenced. As I was listening to the petitioners, I was also looking for Mel. Could she have changed her mind? I thought that unlikely, for she did keep her word. It was then that my heart gave a jump when my eyes caught a glimpse of her face, standing beside Elenet and Russav.
She was wearing a rose colored dress, trimmed with silver and maroon, and a resplendent headdress. The color made her hair alive, and her eyes, even from this distance, burned the air around them. She looked like a queen. I swallowed, and turned my attention back to the current petitioner.
It didn't take long for the Court to end, and the antechamber was opened for more talk. Not to my surprise, Mel did not pass out her opinion as liberally as she would have in private. The talk was pleasant about the petition, and one was deemed complex enough to require further investigation. The rest the scribe wrote, and Court was adjourned for another day.
I walked to the Residence, loosing my hair and changing into a more comfortable tunic. I was restless, thinking that Mel could be reading the letter at this moment – and what if she was fine with it? Cursing my nerves, I pulled a book I had read about twelve times and focused my thoughts on reading. It may have only succeeded in reminding me of Mel's love for learning, though, for it certainly didn't take my mind off her.
***
She hasn't written to me for two days. She's wandering around like a ghost.
And I am feeling better than ever.
I knew it had to mean something. I wasn't sure if she would admit it yet...but life, she felt something! I no longer was cynical about it, or unconfident…it was like a weight off my shoulder, and I felt silly when I thought of the things I had put myself through.
Oh, but it was worth it, for her.
After I was sure about her feelings, and I had bathed in gratefulness, I sent her another letter, this one not talking about thrones or brides. She seemed to be brought back to normal, and I stayed in the sunlight of happiness – although I still knew it was not time to admit to her my feelings.
By the time Mel's ball arrived, Athanarel was practically buzzing with excitement – I too felt it, although I tried my best to hide it. As I walked down the stairs in robes of what ancient Renselaeus' would have worn (for the theme was set five hundred years ago), I looked around me. The room was dressed in gold and green, the colors of Remalna. As soon as it commenced, I knew the triumph Mel had created.
I looked around for her soon after I entered, paying due respects to many people. What I found was a very flustered Mel walking with Flauvic. For the first time in a while my heart jolted and I remembered the kiss she and Flauvic shared, until I looked at her face – uncomfortable.
I waited for a while, until Flauvic departed to circulate. Walking towards her, replaying her reaction to the letter to comfort myself, I prepared. Before I could catch her attention, she turned towards me. Going with the flow, I gave her a grand bow. "My dear Countess. Please bolster my declining prestige by joining me in this dance."
"It's a tartelande. From back then."
She wasn't getting away that easily. "Which I studied up on last week," I said smoothly, offering my arm.
She blushed all the way up to her forehead, and I could barely keep one from showing on my face. Yes, our relationship was developing…yes (thank-you!) she had feelings for me…but we hadn't danced since…since Russav's ball when we first arrived. Her skin felt warm, and she looked beautiful in white and a soft gray, accented by ribbons of lavender. As I led her to the dance floor, she looked away for a moment, and then straight into my eyes, causing me to give a subtle jump.
She kept looking away from me, her face getting redder by the moment. As the music came through me, I thought of the last time I danced with her – the feeling in the pit of my heart seemed to have only grown bigger, and it was taking all I had to make sure I didn't profess my love at this moment. I thought of our letters, tried to guess what she was feeling at this moment. I couldn't look in her eyes or I would…
That's when I did look at her, and was somewhat confused by her expression. She was looking at me – thinking of me? – but staring through me. Suddenly she looked up at me, and I swallowed, trying to tear my eyes away,
She smiled nervously, "I'll wager you the most comfortable of men here tonight."
I smiled, looking at the long tunic that was more like a robe, colored a sky blue, with black and white embroidery down the long front and to the wide sleeves. My hair was pulled back with a glittering blue gem, and bluefire stone in my ear. I was comfortable when I was alone, but right now, with her, my flesh was on fire.
"Those tight waistcoats do look uncomfortable," I replied, "but I rather like the baldrics."
At this moment Bran, who had been dancing across from us, slipped up from the order of the dance. Being Bran, he heeded no etiquette and simply hopped back in, laughing. I smiled, and everyone else seemed to join in after.
The night rolled along, although I did not dance with Mel again – for she only danced one other time, with Russav. He insisted I join in the set with Elenet, who I did not dance with again, either. She was serene and graceful – as always – but she seemed quieter than usual. I was only worried about this for a moment, because I kept sensing Mel's eyes on me.
She was looking at me.
A/N: So how was it? My favorite part's coming up! Well, one of them :) This chapter took a pretty short time, didn't it? That's because Im rushing…so the writing may not be top notch, and typos may abound. Speaking of typos, the last chapter had a lot of them! Sorry, I plan to take away the mistakes when this fic is done, so don't worry. Oh! And the copy I have is the firebird copy, and I know for sure now that in other copies, Flauvic and Mel don't kiss…so any other discrepancies you might want to tell me, and I'll see about it :)
Two things about this story: The thing with Vidanric knowing about Mel's mother is something that I confirmed with the book, it just took me a LONG time to find that specific part. I probably should have mentioned that he knew earlier…but I was confused about what he actually DID know.
Secondly: DOES Vidanric wear Mel's ring when she asks him to? I first had it that he didn't…because I'll admit, I have NO IDEA what the white rose means in this circumstance! So I said he did, but it was a toss up…I just decided that if he had it on the time he found her in the inn, he probably said yes. So…if not, or if you thought something else…sorry!
To those who wanted my story…it's coming. I just have to format it properly, which takes a longer time than I hoped :)
