Can you believe I wrote this chap at a Math test? [f(x)=x²-2x … aaaaargh!]
I wasn't really serious about posting this at first but then my old pal Annonymouse read it and practically laughed her head off. At first, I thought she had gone mad since she was laughing at her table, but then I realized that she had actually been reading THIS! And she co-wrote it too! Yay! Thanks Annonymouse! (There, I said it. You owe me one!)
DISCLAIMER : I hate disclaimers. But I disclaim!
~*~*~*~
Harry Potter stepped into Platform 9 ¾. All eyes were on him as he walked. Some girls scream and faint at the sight of him. Some boys hooted at him. Others simply stared.
Harry grinned. He LOVES being in the limelight. Well, this Harry does. He started to wink uncontrollably at the fainting girls.
A finger suddenly tapped his shoulder. Harry wheeled around and found himself face to face with his old pal, Ron Weasley. He was wearing a twisted sort of look on his face.
"Yo! Wassup, Ron!?" Harry greeted him coolly. "Well, looky here. I see yo all ready fo school, aiight ma' man?" he looked down at Ron's tattered school robes.
Ron gaped at him unbelievably, "Well, looky here. I see you have a diaper …. on your head! With 'BOOTYLICIOUS' written all over it, which by the way, I have no idea what it means!! No wonder people are gawking at you! And you have this icky sauce on your face, just right here…" he pointed to a spot just above his lip.
Harry touched the spot Ron had pointed, but then laughed. "Ron, my bro' – "
"bro?"
" - dis ain't no sauce on my face! You be trippin' man, this is called a tache.."
"What!?"
"Moustache!"
Ron raised his eyebrows in bewilderment, "Moustache!? Harry, you're FOURTEEN!!"
Harry sighed, "Okay, so I faked them – big deal! Wuteva it takes to look cool!" he winked at Ron. (A/N : Eww..)
"OH MY GOD!! Nooooo….." screamed someone from behind Harry. Harry turned and saw Ginny Weasley sobbing uncontrollably.
"Hey hey hey … wassup, girl? Why you be cryin' like dat, yo?" Harry walked over to the hysterical girl to pat her back but she stumbled away from him.
"You're .. you're all CHAINED UP!!" she pointed a trembling finger at Harry's cuffs, then proceeded to run away crying.
"Huh?"
Neville Longbottom walked up to him shakily, "Harry, is that true .. chained up? Does this mean you're going to .. to .. (gulp) .. to Azkaban?" Neville looked as if he was about to cry.
Harry laughed, "Naw man! Dis be my bling-blings!" he held up the chains on his wrists proudly.
"Your blinking?" asked Ron confusedly.
"Aww, man! Me homies be clueless!" he slapped his forehead impatiently.
Ron frowned. He looked taken aback. "Geez, Harry!! Get real! You're really starting to piss me off with your funny talk and I – "
"Chill, mama coca – chill!!" he waved his hands in front of Ron, stopping Ron in mid-sentence. "I'm sorry, aiight? Just calm down, yo … relax … ya, that's right … breath in …"
Ron huffed.
"… breath out …"
Ron puffed.
"Good, good! Happy now?"
"Sort of." Ron smiled weakly. He still wasn't used to seeing Harry like this. He didn't like it. It was definitely freaky. Like something out of the Twilight Zone..
(A/N : I don't own the Twilight Zone!)
"I think … we should get going Harry. The train should be departing in a few minutes and we haven't met Herm – HARRY! Stop doing that!" he yelled at a winking Harry. Girls were fainting before his feet – again.
It was embarrassing. It was humilliating.
Ron rolled his eyes and looked down to the floor as he walked, but all he saw was unconscious girls. What a dreadful sight. Girls were dropping dead by the moment and it's all because of Harry's new look!
He quickly slipped into one of the empty cabins and – "Hermione!" he exclaimed.
"Hi Ron! Nice holiday? I bet! Where's Harry?" asked Hermione.
"He's outside – NO! Don't go there! You DON'T want to see him now!"
"But I – "
"Let's just get into one of the compartments, shall we?" said Ron, dragging Hermione to one of the empty compartments.
"Ron! What are you – OH MY GOD!!" she shrieked.
Harry had just stepped into the cabin - diapers and all. Ron sighed and closed his eyes thinking Hermione is going to faint too like the girls outside. But she didn't - thank GOD! Ron gave out a very relieved sigh.
"Harry James Potter!?" exclaimed Hermione, her hand pointing directly at Harry's black-rimmed specs – which was clearly the last remaining object from the old Harry.
Harry smiled and winked at the thunderstruck girl in front of him, "Wassup babe…"
"Babe!?" she squealed. Her voice now fainter than a whisper. "Harry, you're discriminating me! What is up with you? You're talking funny and you dress like – NO! Oh NO! You're NOT trying to be Eminem, are you!?"
"Emmy – what!?" asked Ron.
"Eminem" repeated Hermione fervently, still not taking her eyes off Harry.
"Ooh! I know! Aren't they the type of muggle chocolate?" Ron's face lit up at the memory of the chocolate his dad had brought home ages ago, "Not like Honeydukes' though but still … mmm."
"No man! He be da bomb!" exclaimed Harry, gesturing what seemed to be like a high five in the air.
"Huh?? He's a bomb?" asked Ron, getting more and more confused. "B-but, isn't that dangerous?"
Hermione's eyebrows shot up at Ron's stupid remark but chose to ignore it. She turned back to Harry, "What happened, Harry? You're not exactly the 'ghetto' type, you know that. If you're just being weird, I say you snap right out of it this instant!"
"Yo my gal … this is the way I am. And I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am? In the paper, the news everyday I am .. I dunno that's just the way I am!" Harry rapped.
Hermione had to hold down a giggle at this one. God knows he did his best to impersonate the rap master, but like they say, the leopard can't change its spots. And Harry can't hide that strong Brit accent of his either, as hard as he might try.
On the other hand, Ron was left to figure things out for himself. "Huh?? What paper? What news? Is Rita Skeeter back again? What did she write this time? Huh? Huh?"
Hermione let out an annoyed sigh and went into a compartment. Harry sighed too and walked into the compartment after Hermione, leaving a very puzzled Ron to think about what just happened.
"What did I say!?" he asked to no one in particular before staggering confusedly into the compartment.
Inside, Harry had just finished telling Hermione about his new name.
"… so Imma turn to that and nothing else!" Harry was saying.
Hermione looked at him blankly before breaking up into roars of laughter.
"HAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHEEHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!"
Ron gazed at his friend in awe. She laughs like a jackass. In all those times - never. What a rare sight. He felt this huge urge to laugh along with her but couldn't see what was so funny. Ron darted his eyes to Harry and saw an exasperated look on his face.
"What!?" Harry snapped.
"What? I was just looking!" retorted Ron.
"D-don't mind him, Ron. HarPot here is unusually touchy today – HA! HarPot! What kind of name is that!? HA!" chuckled Hermione.
"HarPot?" he sniggered. "Ha .. ha .. hahahaHaHaHAHAHA!! Who is stupid enough to have such a name??"
Hermione looked innocently at Harry, "Someone. Right, Harry? Uhm, I mean – HarPot the rap superstar! HA!"
"No way!? HIM!?"
"Yeah, HIM!"
The two literally broke down laughing, pointing mockingly at a defenseless Harry (or is it HarPot?) who had gone red in the face. Ooh, the shame! He thinks he cannot stand!
"Oh shut up will ya!?" roared Harry suddenly, "I didn't make that stupid name up! Someone else .. did. But who?" he asked himself curiously.
He should've thought about that before. It was a remarkably stupid name. Draco Malfoy would've never let Harry forget it if he ever found out about it! I mean, the real Harry would've thought of better names than HarPot, obviously! Since his own father came up with Prongs!
"Harry?" Ron looked down at him worriedly. He had stopped laughing.
"Yo?"
"You alright?" asked Hermione.
"Fo sho! I'm just thinkin'!"
Ron grinned, "So .. it's not HarPot, right?"
"Fo sho it isn't! Dat's why I'm thinkin'! Dat's why ya hav to shut up now! Ssh!"
"Man, I think you really need a new name.."
"I think what you really need right now is a tissue Harry," said Hermione. "You have some kind of fungus on your face, just right here.." she pointed to a spot just above her lip.
Ron groaned as Harry laughed and started to explain the whole 'tache' thing all over again.
~*~*~*~
Well?? I can use some NAMES here for poor Harry! (or is it HarPot?) I know, I'm bad at making up names. No, scrub that. I STINK at making up names! Bad me.
Holler to all the creative-minded people out there : I need a rap name for Harry Potter!
Uhm, I could use some reviews too, y'know! PLEASE!
