Disclaimer : Anyone who tells you that I own HP & co is a big fat liar! Because I obviously don't. However, the plot belongs to moi only! Of course, that annoying mouse also helps out… a little… only a teeny weeny bit though… you know, real tad advice… ehm!!
Okay, I'm gonna repeat what I wrote on the first chapter : this story is set in Harry's fourth year. So, no 'Argh! Voldie is alive!' kinda thing and no Triwizard champ! Now if you please, enjoy! Mwa ha ha!
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CHAP 4..
Rapper Harry looked down at the blank space for 'enter name' at his Talent Show entry form, drumming his quill onto the Gryffindor common room table. Yes, the Talent Show held by that Muggle Studies teacher is coming in a week and he still hasn't a name to write down.
Name! Name! Name… Harry thought endlessly. What name should he write down? What's in a name anyway? An added plus for his amazing sexual appeal for one thing, but…
It is very true that he already has a fine name, Harry Potter. And then there's that miserable, ugly one given by a mysterious someone which he definitely won't use – HarPot! But… nope, he thought.
Harry Potter is indeed a great name for Ordinary Harry, but certainly not for Rapper Harry! Rapper Harry needs something more commercial. After all, he is a rap superstar. All rap superstars trade their names for a more slammin' name! Something thug! Something abusive! Something really really dope!
Like, Ja Rule! But that's taken.
Hannibal 'the Cannibal' Lecter? Nah, too brutal.
Snoop Dog? Nice. But named after an animal is so not for Harry Potter the rap superstar! Rapper Harry often wonders why people bother anyway. Harry the Monkey Man will never do his style!
But then again, Snoop always gets the good girls.
Maybe that's why they call it animal magnetism!
But Harry here needs something different! Something that will make everyone will look in awe! Not that his physical attractiveness doesn't do that, but a name could really help you know! And he needs one that will really rock the world and beyond! Something thug! Something abusive! Something –
Wait.
Harry suddenly dropped his quill. That's it. That's it! THAT'S IT!! He stood up and shouted for all the world to hear,
"MY NAME IS..!!! MY NAME IS..!!!"
The whole common room paused and stared at their hero. Harry darted his eyes quickly from one corner to the other. After making sure he has everybody's undivided attention, he continued loudly.
"MY NAME IS … H ABUSIVE!!!"
Everyone stared in silence. Harry waited. Reaction, peeps! Hello!? A single clap was suddenly heard from the far end of the room. Then the others followed suit. Everybody clapped for him! Everybody cheered for him! "H Abusive! H Abusive! We all love you!!" boys and girls, they all chanted. (the boys have taken a liking on Rapper Harry since he taught them how to breakdance - really, breakdance. But hey, it got them the girls!)
It's wonderful! Wonderful! They really love him!
Harry smiled smugly in the middle of the room, his eyes closed and his arms outstreched in Ja Rule style. He is totally enjoying it. They loved it! They love him! And he loves his new name!
And so, H Abusive, it was.
Aha. Aha? Aha? Doesn't that ring a bell? It rings something thug! Something definitely abusive! Something really really dope! And most of all, it rings all his wants.
Harry waved a single hand in the air to silence shouts of 'encore', sat back down in his chair, picked up his quill, and wrote down his new name in utter happiness.
"H Abusive.." he grinned broadly at his form, "A new star is born!"
*
"H Abusive!?" repeated Draco. That is, if his ears were listening right. That.. that word ('I am astounded it's even made a word!') has to be the ugliest thing he had ever heard! How horrible! Simply frightful! It desperately made him want to abuse someone! Why did Goyle even bother to say that name anyway!? That idiotic sod!
For that, he punched Goyle on the nose.
"Ow!" yelled Goyle in pain as he fell backwards on his chair. He struggled to stand up again, "Was it something I said?"
"No, it was something Harry Potter said, you imbecile!! Just, don't say that name, it's terrible!"
"Ahh, but that was then. Now it's – " POW! Another punch from Draco took him down. Goyle struggled to stand up once more, his hand holding his bloody nose. "Wut did ya do tha' for!?"
Draco yawned gracefully and settled down in his chair, "I told you not to mention his name. Didn't I told you that, you gossip-sinner?"
Goyle tried to look down his nose sadly, "Aww, shucks. Now ah' can' entuh the talen' shouw…"
"You? Talent Show!? Impossible! The comitee would kick you out right away for having no talent whatsoever!" laughed Draco.
"I wus planning on whistling thru' ma' nos!" cried Goyle miserably.
"That's a talent!? Ha! Next you'll be drinking through your ear! Oh, wait – even I can't do that!" Draco suddenly looked horrified, "My! That is a talent! Disgracefully gross one indeed, but a talent, no doubt about that. Congratulations on your newfound ability Goyle, let me know when you succeed in burping through your eye." he added sarcastically, "Talent Shows held by Muggle Studies classes are not your idea of fun anyway. It's never an idea of fun!"
"B-But Harry Potta' is entering too…" sniffed Goyle.
Now that certainly lured Draco's curiosity. He sat up quickly, "Really?" he mused. "Oh. Is that so? Tell me Goyle, what do you think he might do in that Talent Show?"
Goyle thought for a while. "Duh, rap?"
"Exactly Goyle, my ignoramus minion!!" said Draco, slapping Goyle's back, hard. "And what do you think we should do about it?"
Goyle thught for almost a minute. "Duh, watch?"
Draco tut-tutted his stupid bodyguard evenly, "No, no you big, overgrown wuss! We perform our plan."
Goyle thought again. "Duh, we have a plan?"
"Of course we have you disastrously huge nitwit, evil plans are our natural talent." he smirked maliciously. "Now go to the kitchens and tell Crabbe to stop his daily raid! Drag him if you must! Go! Begone! We have a plan to make and we make it now."
And off goes Gregory Goyle, leaving a cackling and evil Draco Malfoy behind.
*
Professor Vias Ramone clapped her hands happily as Harry Potter entered the Muggle Studies classroom, "Harry! You came!" she said ecstaticly, her eyes twinkling merrily. "I suppose you're all ready for the Talent Show?"
Harry nodded shortly and waved the muggle-born Professor a salute before settling into a seat next to Hannah Abbot, who immediately fainted in full bliss.
"You're wearing that cap again! Cool!" said Ramone joyfully as she pointed the white skin cap Harry always wear and always mistaken as a diaper. Harry looked at her admiringly,
"Yo! You knew this ain't a diaper!? Thank God! It's fab to know someone who speaks da same language, y'know?" he winked at her.
The Professor held the edge of her table to stop herself from swooning, "Okay, that's enough, H Abusive – er, I mean – Mr Potter! Now if you please, we shall continue with last week's subject : Why do British Muggles drink four o'clock tea?"
The class went well for a while. I repeat, for a while. Ramone was in the middle of explaining the difference between tea and coffee when the door flew open – and Hermione charged right in.
Ramone clapped her hands in delight, "Hermione! How very nice of you to drop by!"
"I didn't. I'm here for the study." replied Hermione stiffly.
"You didn't? I thought you dropped Muggle Studies?"
Hermione dropped her books on the table next to Harry's and sat down in her chair, "Oh, I changed my mind." she said nonchalantly.
"Really!?" Ramone exclaimed, sounding surprised and flattered at the same time. "I thought you handed in the – you know – well, what happened to Arithmancy?"
Hermione suddenly went stiff, she opened her mouth but no words came out. Harry rolled his eyes, it was obvious she hated talking about it.
"I dropped that for …t-t-this!" she suddenly looked like she wanted to puke.
The spunky Professor Ramone however, didn't notice that and twirled her long blonde hair happily. "You did!? Excellent! Did you hear that everyone? Hermione Granger dropped Arithmancy for us! Let us all give her a nice, big, Muggle Studies welcome-back applause!"
The whole class clapped furiously for her and Hermione sank low in her seat. In the corner of her eye, she saw Harry grinning and making a 'Peace' sign at her.
You bastard, she thought grumpily, I'm only here for you! There's something wrong with you Harry, and I will find out what it is! Even if it does mean dropping my lovely Arithmancy class for Muggle Studies with this unbelievably sick, mental kind of woman as teacher!
With that, Hermione slammed her hands on the table and snapped at the whole class to be quiet. And so the whole class went back to their normal lessons, with Ramone giving anyone who payed attention a rainfall of house points.
By the end of the lesson, Hermione had received 60 points for answering correctly.
Harry received 100 points for flaunting his bare chest and breakdancing in front of the class.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! You go, H Abusive!" she had cheered, "'Breakdance' is one of the most popular dance for young Muggles! It is quite the latest trend right now, but even so, it is quite dangerous and often ends with a couple of broken ribs, a broken neck, and even death!" Ramone had explained quite cheerfully, "Right, now, anyone else like to try out?"
Most of the students had looked at her in horror and edged away from her.
As the bell rang, everybody flew for the exit.
"She is one, *scary* teacher…" Hermione muttered darkly, walking faster, away and away from the Muggle Studies classroom where Ramone was giving each student a goodbye kiss.
"Aw, she's fine to me!" defended Harry, practising his moves yet again for the sake of the Talent Show. Hermione shook her head, "That's because she likes you!"
"She likes you too, y'know!"
"True." she slowed down and halted to a stop, "But you're different now. You're not Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived Anymore, you're H Abusive… someone else." She looked at the floor sadly.
"Someone else!?" Harry looked astounded, "Yo, are you trippin', girl? I'm no 'someone else'! I'm your best pal!"
Hermione stared at him an smiled, "Yes, you are my – " she rolled her eyes, " – best pal! But I still miss the old Harry. The one who desperately tries to hide underneath those glasses. The one who shines with courage everytime old You-Know-What ('hey, it's not like he's human!') turns up from around the corner.."
Hermione continued to stare at the floor, which stared back at her. Partly hoping for an arm wrapping around her shoulders, or some words of comfort the old Harry used to give her whenever she feels blue.
Very unfortunately for Hermione, Rapper Harry was none of the sensitive sort.
He slapped her on the back, making her tumble down to the floor, and laughed, pointing rudely at her, "Haw! Haw! You're hilarious! Haw! Haw! How can someone hide behind their glasses, yo! It's too small! Haw! Hhh.. come, let's go crash the Great Hall. Our bro' Ron should be there by now, aight?" he grinned at her and fled.
Hermione glared at his running back for a very long time before shouting angrily, "Actually, that's not something to laugh about!" but then shook her head and took after him, a hint of a smile playing on her face.
H Abusive or not, he was still the same Harry Potter inside. And he has that Talent Show thing in a week. As his friend, she should really help him out, shouldn't she?
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Cut! That is a wrap for the fourth chap!!! Yay!
Sorry if it took so long, it was my fault for letting myself drown into the exciting world of writing other stories. But it was just SO tempting! I couldn't help myself! I've been into Japanese animes lately and are in process of writing several stories of them too!
Anyway, my annoying co-writer annonymouse is up next and I am sure she will write an even more hilarious chapter for you guys!! Your turn annonymouse!
Oh! And don't forget to review! Thank you for all those wonderful ones you gave us! Annonymouse was mostly pleased since it was her first chapter for HGH.. hehe! Weren't you, you rat!
Now, review!
