The Strifes and the Wallaces- Episode 3- Mind Switching Machine

Authors Note: Well, here it is, you've wait for months because I am lazy, but here is the end result of your wait...umm...this. Made with special half-ass MAGIC!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*later that day.....*

Cloud: *dancing in the living room in his boxers on a table with everyone watching* Oh yeah...baby! I pine for you! If I do not have you...I will explode!

Sephiroth: *jumps next to Cloud in excruciatingly small tight-whiteys* Pickles, meat patty! Buttcrust, cheese!

Cloud: -.- *sigh* Great...Sephiroth ruined my new teeny bopper song! *stomps away angrily*

All except Tifa: Thanks a lot, Sephiroth! *everyone walks away*

Tifa: Sing it again, Sephy!

Sephiroth: Uh-oh...my noodle is hard aga--

*Tifa hits Sephiroth with a club*

Sephiroth: Pickles, meat pa--

*hit hit hit hit hit hit hit*

Sephiroth: ...tty! Buttcrust, cheese!

Tifa: I don't get it! This should damage his brain.....wait....

Sephiroth: Pickles, meat patty! Buttcrust, cheese!

Tifa: Forget it, I'll get Cloud first!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*laterzzzzz*

Cloud: *is outside with Barret, laying the grass* Hey, Bear?

Barret: Yeah?

Cloud: Do you ever wonder what's up there?

Barret: Up where?

Cloud: Up there, in the clouds.

Barret: Well, I sometimes think that......*blurry dream thingy*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barret: *running around a land of candy canes and throwing marshmallows in the air* CANDY LAND!!!!

Little Lollipop Children: Hello Barret! Welcome to Candy Land! The happiest place on Earth!!!

Barret: YAH!!! *runs around gayly* Lalala! I love candy land!

LLC: Candy Candy! We love candy! Candy Candy! We love candy!!!

Barret: *is suddenly in a pink tutu* All my dreams are coming true!!!

*suddenly, the sky turns red and everything begins to shake*

LLC: Oh no! *they are all vaporized and the candy melts*

Barret: NO! LITTLE LOLLIPOP CHILDREN!!! WHY???!!!!

Tifa: *rises as a giant* MUAHAHAHAHA!!!! *laser beams shoot out from her boobs* Feel the wrath of my absurdly large breasts...HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Barret: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*back in reality*

Barret: ...OOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cloud: Umm...Barret...Barret? BARRET!!!

Barret: *comes out of his trance* T-t-the poor lollipop children! Breasts of HORROR!!

Cloud: ...Umm...yeah...lollipop children. Okay, this whole candy land thing is a lot to take in, so...I'm gonna go...

Barret: Nipple BEAMS!!!!

Cloud: *slowly sneaks away, but is hit in the head with a frying pan* Bleh...I am knocked out...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aeris: *sitting down at the table with RedXIII* Hey Red, have you seen Cloud today?

Red: No, not since breakfast...he's probably feeding Yuffie or something.

Aeris: You're probably right, but I just have the strange feeling something bad is going to happen...

Red: Ah, wife's intuition?

Aeris: No, I'm just MADLY horny.

Red: Oh...umm...okay...

Aeris: Hey Red, how come around Barret you can only say 'Arf, Ruff, and Bark'?

Red: I have no idea, but, Barret is currently in shock from another 'candy land' dream...so I'm trying to get in as much speaking as possible.

Aeris: Oh, I see.......wanna have wild human/animal sex?

Red: *looks around* Sure...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*in Tifa's lair*

*Cloud and Sephiroth are attached to two different tubes*

Cloud: Tifa! You'll never get away with this evil scheme of yours!

Tifa: HAHAHA! I don't think so "Cloud". My machine will switch yours and Sephiroth's minds, so you will never be able to turn back!

Cloud: Wait...how the hell did you make such a complex machine?

Tifa: Duuuuuuuhhhhhh.......

~PLOTHOLE!!!!!~

Tifa: *standing near a switch* With one flip of this switch...both of your minds will be switched into each other's bodies! Then, I can take advantage of Sephiroth and finally be able to do you!

Sephiroth: ...meat patty! Buttcrust, cheese!

Cloud: *listening to music* Huh? What'd ya say?

Tifa: MUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aeris: *sweating* Did you hear something?

Red: No, now get your head back down there!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cloud: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*Tifa hits the switch*

Cloud: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!

Sephiroth: Pickles!!!!

*lightning shoots everywhere, breaking the walls of Tifa's lair. The machine starts to over heat and finally EXPLODES!!!*

Tifa: AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!! *gets thrown back against the wall*

*after a few minutes, the smoke clears and both Cloud and Sephiroth are standing there, completely nude*

Sephiroth: Whoa...what happend?

Cloud: The hamsters are saving the day! (i.e. Hamtaro)

Tifa: *laughs manically* HAHAHAHA!!! It worked! YES! YES!!!!!

Sephiroth: What? *looks down* AHHHH!!! IT'S SO TINY!!!

Cloud: *flicks it* Weeee!!!

Sephiroth: Hey! Stop that! You might damage it!

Cloud: *pushes it into his foreskin* Look! It's gone!

Sephiroth: HEY!!! I need that! Yer gonna make me sterile!

Tifa: There's nothing you can do now, Cloud! All I need to do is wait one day for the effects to complete...then...I will DO YOU!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Sephiroth: *grabs his head and runs away* NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aeris: *hears foot steps* Oh no! Someone's coming!

Red: Eep! *runs away*

*Aeris quickly puts her clothes on*

Sephiroth: *bursts into the room* AERIS! YOU GOTTA HELP ME!

Aeris: Why? What's wrong Sephiroth?

Sephiroth: Well, actually, I'm Cloud. You see, Tifa somehow made a machine that switched mine and Sephiroth's minds. Now she's planning to do it with me because Sephiroth is in my body and he is so incredibly stupid that he will do it with Tifa! And then my life will be ruined! Plus he's mutilating my penis.

Aeris: *stares at Sephiroth for a minute, and then laughs* Go home, Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: *a hole appears under him* What the f--AHHHH!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*meanwhile, with Tifa and Cloud*

Tifa: Hmm...well, we is gonna havv tooo put some cloze on u so ur not 2 suspissos loking.

Cloud: Spinbaku!

Tifa: *throws Cloud a semen encrusted sweater and jeans* Here, these are from that time I had a penis.

*five minutes later...even though Sephiroth probably takes longer to dress*

Cloud: These cloze r all stikee!

Tifa: So? Your clothes are always sticky!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sephiroth: *hits the ground of a very dark place* OWW!!! Geez, poor Sephiroth, he has to go through this everyday...

Sephiroth: *stands up* How the hell am I gonna get outta here? I have to warn Aeris!

*there is a stomping in the distance*

Sephiroth: 0.0 Umm...what's that?

*the stomping becomes louder as a giant monster comes out of the shadows*

Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Monster: It's okay Sephiroth! It's just me! LooBooby!

Sephiroth: LooBooby?

LooBooby: Yeah, your best friend! I always help you out when you fall down here!

Sephiroth: Oh...umm...well...actually...I'm not Sephiroth...I'm his neighbor...Cloud!

LooBooby: Hmm...well you look like Sephiroth, but you don't talk like him...

Sephiroth: Yeah! I told ya!

LooBooby: Well then...I eat you now....RRRRROOOOAAAARRRR!!!! *grows six heads with really long tounges and sharp teeth*

Sephiroth: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! *runs away but is chased by LooBooby*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*with Barret*

Barret: *laying on a couch sucking his thumb, when his ears begin to glow* Oh no! My Cloud sensors are glowing! Cloud must be in trouble!

Barret: *leaps onto the ground, and arms himself with...something* Alright...my sensors say Cloud is the 'Go Home, Sephiroth!' dimension!

Barret: Alright then...GO HOME BARRET!!! *a hole appears under him as he begins to fall, but gets stuck because he is so big* HELP!!

Red: *walks to Barret* Hey Barret, what are you doing?

Barret: I'm stuck! And you shouldn't be speaking!

Red: Huh? You're stuck? As in...you can't move or do anything?

Barret: Yeah!

Red: Hmm...

Barret: Red...Red? What're planning on doing? Hey! Get that thing away from me!!! AHHHHH!!!!

Red: *peeing on Barret's face* Take that, BITCH!!! You want s'mo? Well here ya go!!! *poops on Barret's head*

Barret: I'm a pee-faced poo-head!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aeris: *in another room* Oh Bear! Stop pitying yourself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Tifa and Cloud walk out of her room*

Tifa: HAHAHAHA! My plan will soon be complete! As long as that "Cloud" doesn't get in the way!

Cloud: The cheese is ripe and the melons are paper!

Tifa: Yes, Sephiroth...they ARE paper...THEY ARE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Okay, that was it. It wasn't as funny as I intended...but it's something. I'll try to make the third and final part funnier, because I got something funny in mind. Oh...also...if you REALLY like it so far,in your review, say it was HILARMUS!!!