Journal of Aragorn

Aka Strider/Weird Stubble Guy

Author: Me…Jo…Johnny E…Johnnys Eeyore…(Trails off)

Title: Journal of Aragorn aka Strider/Weird Stubble Guy

Disclaimer: No thanks, don't want one…already bought one for Chapter 1

Authors Note: Well, I decided to update…no, it isn't an illusion, I'm sorry it took so long but I keep getting new ideas and starting them, without doing more of the ones I've already done…I fucking hate it when that happens!

So, thanks to all who reviewed the first page of the journal, here's the next…

Day Eleven

'Tried to open eyes, couldn't! Screamed for help like a woman

 Elrond heard my cries and came to my aid (as usual…stuffy git)

 Turns out I hadn't gone blind, stupid hobbits had ejaculated on my eyes and it had dried. Mental Note to self- Kick ass of every hobbit I see

 Washed eyes frantically

 Tried to remember 'meeting' but couldn't due to extreme hangover

 Gandalf explained, random nine people, me including, are going on mega quest to destroy the ring…why? Bah…I shouldn't complain, me being hero should increase my sex appeal after departure of stubble

 Shouldn't have got stoned before meeting, might not have offered myself to such a stupid mission…damn weed!

 Met other members of fellowship. Three words- small, annoying and homosexual. That elf looks especially gay, should get along with Frodo and Sam

 Wish I was staying here. Could work on Arwen. She confessed to loving me, Jackpot! Pretended I loved her too, don't want to hurt her feelings. She gave me womanly jewel…looks highly gay! Will hide it under clothes. Kissed Arwen. Romped in forest with her.

 Leaving on Quest now. Frodo is full of himself. He got a sword off Bilbo. Pointed out that Bilbo probably stole the sword like he probably stole the ring.

 Frodo got angry. Chuckled to self

 Impressed by length of Journal entry…go me!

 Still not King'

Day Twelve

'Set off this morning. Dead bored. Lots of walking, no sex

 Cock appears to be fully healed…its about frigging time

 Irritating hairy dwarf kept going on about the 'mines of moria' but Gandalf said no. Stupid lazy dwarf

 Frodo thinks he's a miniature God now he is the Ring Bearer, personally, I think Gandalf, the Weed Bringer, is more admirable

 Had to throw myself in a bush because of birds/spies. Pains me to say that apart from Arwen, it's the only bush I've been in for a long time. Sure I spotted Sam and Frodo fornicating beneath the shrubs.

 After walking fucking miles, Gandalf decides we should take the Pass of Caradhras. Felt like punching Gandalf for being such a twat

  Ended up knee deep in bloody snow, froze my dick off before Gandalf decided this wasn't a good route either…senile old fool! Yet again, had to turn back. Have frostbite of the balls

 Frodo dropped ring in snow. Boromir found it and was looking at it in a sinister way. Think Boromir has a Jewellery fetish. Have concluded I'm surrounded by weirdos

 Lazy fat Ring Bearer fell in the snow, tried to attract sympathy. Failed miserably. Decided we should go through the Mines…wish they'd make up they're fucking minds. Blisters developing on feet

 Still not King'

Day Thirteen

'Sat outside the mines for a good couple of hours, due to the fact Gandalf is a retard. Simple word to get in and he made a huge issue out of it. Actually took the brains of a hobbit to get us inside. Feel rather embarrassed

 Other midgets threw rocks in water. Entered Mines (eventually) to find it full of small corpses, suspect they may have been dwarfs once

 Big tentacle grabbed Frodo. Queer Elf, Leg-of-lamb I think his name is, and myself saved him. God knows why! Felt macho and heroic

 Definitely need a spliff

 Had to wait for ANOTHER freaking hour as Gandalf couldn't remember which way to go. Think Gandalf needs to retire. Gandalf is old…very old!

 Eventually started moving again, just as I sat down to take a shit. Fucking typical!

 Found tomb of Dwarfs relative. Dwarf cried. Laughed and Pointed at him. Gandalf found a book, got excited, then frightened.

 Pippin…one of the other greedy midget creatures, knocked a skeleton down a well thing, yet again proving my point that all Hobbits are bloody stupid

 Orcs came. Hobbled round due to blisters. Fought Orcs. Kicked some ass.

 Kind of embarrassed as I fainted in fear, made out I hide my head on wall. I am very very sneaky! Hehe! Hobbit managed to get hurt yet again but this time was wearing armour secretly. Knew he wouldn't die…I'm not that lucky!

 Got trapped on piece of bridge while trying to run away. Conveniently saved hobbit. Felt smarmy

 Gandalf stole my limelight by stopping Balrog but ended up plummeting to his death. I may not be as macho and brave but at least I'm alive

 Got outside and cried as Gandalf had all the weed. God dammit! It isn't fair!

 Must go on to woods. Made out I was concerned for everyone. But really need to jerk off and am knackered

 Still not bloody well King'

Day Fourteen- 4.30am

'Spent entire night lying on stupid twigs and shitty leaves

 Had freaky assed conversation with Boromir last night. He said Galadriel spoke to him in his mind. Think Boromir is schizophrenic or on bad style drugs. Started going on about Gondor so turned over and went to sleep. He is boring'

 Day Fourteen

'Got up. Peed. Ate. Masturbated over Arwen. Washed. Laughed at Frodo's naked ass. Walked in Forest, feet hurt, came back after five minutes

 Noticed entries in Journal are getting a lot longer. Felt proud

 Left and carried on with our mission. Starting to get into this. Feeling like a Superhero. Tried to Fly. Hit the ground. Bruised ribs. Cried

 Sailed down river in little canoes. Felt seasick, threw up on Frodo. Passed huge statues things. Passed out

 Still not King'

Authors Note: That's it once again, sorry! I promise I'll update as soon as I can. Please review…please? (Uses puppy dog eyes)