EEP! I forgot to give a big
"A-thenk-a-yew!" to Paradoxal Reality, who gave me
permission to do this little satire of her EXCELLENT story, Tracking
Tak. You need to read it. Read Pudding, too. Hehe. Good
times. --Matt
------------
Meanwhile...
by
Matt Garner
Chapter
2
Tak
Her escape pod wandering lazily somewhere in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy, Tak grumbled to herself as she worked to repair her currently malfunctioning SIR unit.
"There. That should be about right, I think. Can you hear me, Mimi?"
The little robot saluted respectfully.
"Good. I was a tad worried that perhaps you might be beyond repair..." She raised a non-existant eyebrow as Mimi looked around vacantly as though she had never seen the ship before.
"MIMI!"
The android saluted once again and stared intently at her master.
"That's better. Now, would you be so kind as to initiate your log program?" A dark, threatening look marked her face. "I believe I should make a record of my NEW mission..."
Despite her confusion at this second statement, Mimi obediently opened her data log - IrkWord 6.0 - and saluted once more. "Data log initiated, sir!" After a quick burst of static and a shake of her small head, she corrected herself, "Ma'am!"
Right eye twitching slightly, Tak breathed "Good. Now... Data log entry number IZ-118-2002: ..." She cleared her throat and continued, "My plan to transform that forsaken hunk of rubble known as Earth into a snack containment unit for the Tallest was a disaster."
She growled as a snarl curled her lips.
Shaking her claws in typical Irken fashion, she said, "What SHOULD have been a flawless plan was RUINED by none other than that STUPID, IDIOTIC, WORTHLESS Invader ZIM!" She began pacing around in circles, her right eye twitching again. Mimi watched her trail back and forth. "But it wasn't just him..." a mocking cackle barked out from her hoarse throat, "Oh no... Zim's too stupid to have done it all on his own... He was helped, of all people, by a HUMAN..." She stopped pacing and gritted her teeth, "A human named... DIB..."
Without a word of warning, Tak shrieked and whirled around, punching the walls of her pod wildly. "A FILTHY, INFERIOR, IRRITATINGLY BRILLIANT, HUGE-HEADED HUMAN BRAT NAMED DIB! Imagine! ME! TAK! Thwarted by a human child!"
Tak nursed her bloodied knuckles, breathing erratically.
"Yes, a stupid CHILD..." A vein ticked sickeningly in her forehead, "I hereby assign myself a new mission before destroying Earth..." Mimi tilted her head with interest. "And that is to PERSONALLY see to it that Dib suffers the most HORRIBLE, EXCRUCIATING death IMAGINABLE!"
Another infuriated shriek and she flew into a new rant. "ARRRRRRGH! THAT SMUG, STUPID, ARROGANT, OBNOXIOUS LITTLE BEAST! oOOoOOHhh... Enjoy the rest of your SHORT life while you CAN, Dib! Because soon I'm going to return and rip that disgustingly overlarge head off of your weak little shoulders!"
So involved in her psychotic rampage was Tak, that she failed to realize she was now strangling her SIR unit. Mimi raised her hand questioningly and squeaked, "But I thought you liked Dib?"
"I was LYING, Mimi! How could you have forgotten that? I was just using that little PEST as a means of finding out more information!" She dropped Mimi with a clunk and stared out of the pod's window. "How could I have known that little inferior creature would prove to be the cause of my downfall? Rrrrrgh..." She narrowed her eyes viciously, "Mark my WORDS, Dib... One way or another, I WILL destroy you..."
One
way, or another,
I'm gonna' find ya...
I'm gonna' getcha,
getcha, get--
"MIMI! TURN OFF THAT BLASTED RADIO!"
The music ceased instantly.
"Now where was I? Oh yes... GRARRRRRRRRGH! STUPID DIB! I swear by the Tallest... I will have my REVENGE!"
With that, she brought both fists down hard upon the pod's control console, then blinked in surprise as a large screen began flashing: "Warning! Warning! Self-Destruct Sequence Initiated!"
Tak's antennae drooped.
"Oh bugger..."
AN END!
