]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[
presents
]+ NEON EPOCH +[
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[
]+ EPISODE 21: BROKEN HALOS +[
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX
]++[
The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness. The
Lord delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on
the Lord's annointed.
- 1 SAMUEL 26:23
]++[
[ 2007 ]
The entire world outside was filled with fire, a concept that would
have fascinated Niobe far more if she wasn't painfully aware of how
distressed her mother was. "Your father should have been home by now,"
the elder woman said, wringing her hands, glancing anxiously out the
window of the house as a resounding shout seemed to shake the building
to the bottom layers of its foundations. "He shouldn't be out in
this." Niobe, for her part, didn't know what was wrong in being
outside at the moment - it looked like everyone was having lots of fun,
shouting and jumping and waving candles and torches around. Her mother
seemed to think differently, a confusing concept for a girl not quite
seven years old.
"Where are you, Joseph?" muttered her mother, the words obviously not
intended to hit Niobe's ears. It was enough to provoke the young girl
to move away from the window, however, walking slowly towards her
mother as the elder woman stared into nothingness nervously. Her ebon
hair was trailing down behind the back of the chair she sat at, the
lines of her face thrown into stark relief by the light shining from
the lamp in one corner of the room. "You have a wife and daughter now,
you old fool, don't try to be a hero, not today, please..."
A shattering noise filled the air, and both mother and daughter whipped
their heads around to stare at the window, the world seeming to move in
slow motion as the dull-red brick flew through the field of glistening
glass shards and impacted hard against the wooden floor. "Jesus
Christ," gasped Niobe's mother, grabbing the young girl and yanking her
away from the window, pulling her close enough for it to almost hurt.
"Niobe, thank God that you came over. Stay near mommy right now, okay?"
"Mommy, what's going on?" asked Niobe, beginning to understand why her
mother had been so worried, doubting that she wanted to have anything
to do with a group of people throwing bricks through windows. "It
looks like all those people are having a party or something, but why
are they throwing bricks at us?"
"Oh, God, Niobe, I wish that you didn't have to deal with this," sighed
the woman, slowly rubbing her dauther's head, a sure sign that she
didn't intend to answer Niobe's question. "You'll understand more when
you're older, but you shouldn't have to understand any of this, not in
this day and age." The woman sighed, looking towards the other windows
nervously. "Where in the world is your father? For that matter, where
in the world are the security guards? Gehirn should be protecting the
families of its employees -"
The doorknob rattled hard, and Niobe's mother strengthened a grip, now
definitively too tight as she stood and pulled herself away from the
door. There were no words now, only the sound of shouting from outside
growing as the knob rattled more firmly, a dry thump hitting the wood
before the handle turned all the way and a dark form staggered into the
room.
"-Joseph!-" shouted Niobe's mother, placing Niobe down on the ground
before rushing over and slamming the door shut behind her husband.
Niobe was baffled, utterly confused about what had happened to her
father. She knew how strong he was, but there were drops of crimson
slowly falling from his body and splattering against the floor, and his
entire body was hunched over as though from pain, nothing like the tall
and imposing man that Niobe recognized. "Christ, Joseph, where the
hell have you -been-? This is the worst that the riots have been in
years, and you pick tonight of all nights to be late."
"It wasn't a choice," replied the man, slowly drawing himself back to
his full height, his clothes visibly dissheveled and torn, a few
streaks of blood darkening the fabric. "They assaulted my car when I
was on my way home - the first time I was able to get past them, but
they overwhelmed me about a block away. Just barely managed to get
back before they tried anything more drastic."
Niobe stood and stared at her father, utterly confused about how he
could be hurt, knowing full well that he was too big and strong for
anything to hurt him. His eyes lighted momentarily on the girl as
Niobe's mother grabbed a chair, letting the main slump down on
something to support him, her hands brushing over his body anxiously.
"Oh, God, Joseph, I'm just glad that you're all right," she gasped,
tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. "Where the hell
are the UN forces that are supposed to be protecting us?"
"On their way. They're having trouble getting around, though. The
rioters have been getting smarter, cutting off access routes and
closing them in. It's almost like a war zone out there at times." He
sighed, shaking his head limply. "I'm sorry, I should have gotten a
special retinue for you. I didn't even think about what the two of you
would go through, surrounded by these filthy hooligans. All I could
think of was trying to get the rest of the area organized, to try and
keep things under control."
"Don't worry about it, beloved," replied Niobe's mother, her hands
stroking the man's forehead before she drew herself back up to full
height. "I'll run upstairs and get some bandages. We'll get you
patched up here - I'm not going to risk a trip to the hospital at this
point."
Letting her fingers linger upon her husband for only a second longer,
Niobe's mother headed away, her black hair fluttering behind her as
Niobe stared up at her father. His breathing seemed labored, a small
blossom of crimson blood welling on his forehead, hands slowly tensing
and relaxing. "Daddy?" she asked, taking a hesitant step forward, not
entirely certain of what was going on and becoming more frightened by
the moment. "What's going on outside? Who hurt you?"
Joseph said nothing immediately, simply smiled weakly, his eyes focused
on his daughter with an odd look glistening behind them. "I'm sorry,
Niobe," he offered, gesturing for her to come closer even as she took
hesitant steps. "I wish that you didn't have to grow up in this world,
with all these people around you. I wish that you could have grown up
in your home as the empress of your land, not a second-class citizen in
a land raped by the white men."
The man sighed, and Niobe took another step forward, still utterly
confused as to what her father was talking about. "Listen, Niobe. I'm
going to tell you something very important." Pausing, her father
leaned closer to her, one hand closing gently against the side of her
head, something tender and at the same moment harsh glistening in the
depths of his eyes. "You have to be the best at everything. These
white men that rule our world, they think that your skin left you
destined for failure, and they'll force you to prove you're worth
anything. Unless you're better than them, they'll just try to push you
down." He paused, sighing heavily as he stared into his daughter's
eyes. "Will you do that for me? Will you promise that to daddy?"
Niobe bit her lower lip, her arms falling behind her body as she
squeezed her hands together, trying to figure out what was going on.
Somebody had hurt her father, she understood that, but she still didn't
understand why, nor did she understand all of the people shouting and
throwing things outside. It was more stimulation than she'd expected,
and she felt - if she could have put such thoughts into words - that
she was standing on the cusp of something far beyond her
understanding. "I promise, daddy," she replied, taking another step
towards her father. "I don't want anybody else to hurt you."
A more earnest smile made its way across Joseph's lips, and Niobe felt
a warm flood of happiness at the sight of her father returning to
normal, a great comfort to her young mind. She knew that she wanted
almost nothing more than to make her father happy, that she wanted to
somehow make up for whoever had hurt him. Whatever had happened, she
knew that it had made him sad, and she didn't want that to happen, not
to her father. Not if she could help it.
]++[
[ 2016 ]
It was an oddly hazy day outside, the mid-day sun of Tokyo-3 shining
through the open window like fire, casting long streaks of light and
distorted shadows across the living room. The back of Niobe's mind was
reveling in the light, happy to have something to chase away the
shadows, even as pain raced up and down her leg and kept her biting
down hard on her lower lip. Even the steady heat flooding inward and
causing beads of sweat to slowly emerge along her dark skin was worth
the light of the sun, the light still better than the bleak darkness of
the rest of the apartment.
Her leg lay at a painful angle, as though it had chosen to stop just
short of twisting itself to the breaking point, the pain still racing
up and down from her ankle. Yellow ribbons adorned her calves, laced
up meticulously and tied tightly, looking for all the world as though
they'd been donned by someone of professional quality. But as she
stared at her ankle, letting the agony seep through her skin, she knew
that a professional wouldn't have slipped, wouldn't have let herself
fail again.
Sighing, the girl forced herself to her feet, her legs moving slowly as
she balanced gently on the ankle. Her pain abated slightly, but a dull
throbbing ache still trickled outwards, and as she tried to tense the
muscles to return to her toes the pain redoubled and stabbed through
like needles of fire. Gritting her teeth tightly, Niobe tried to force
herself, knowing that she couldn't let pain hold her back, hoping that
the damage was only skin deep and that the ankle would simply
relinquish its protests in a few moments.
The ankle refused to support her with a sudden spasm, and Niobe felt
herself fall backwards for only a second before the floor hit her back
hard. "FUCK!" she shouted, the word shouted simply for the catharsis
of saying something, pinpricks of pain blossoming across her back as
she drew her leg closer to her and gingerly touched the ankle. Pain
greeted a gentle touch, and with a sigh she realized that she'd twisted
it, that she'd once again managed to fail at a simple task. "God damn
it -all-, I could -do- this," she snarled, closing her eyes tightly for
a second before rolling on to her stomach.
Joseph still wasn't even answering her phone calls, though Niobe could
hardly blame him after the way that she'd acted towards him. Simply
thinking about her actions stung something terrible, and she could
remember the sound of his voice all too clearly, her hands tensing
unconsciously at the thought. As she pushed herself back up to her
knees, she felt a wet warmth beginning to flood out behind her eyes,
the beginnings of tears forming as she tried to stumble up to her
feet. "I failed him," she muttered, a sigh escaping her lips as she
tried to relax and avoid crying once again. "I let him down."
Her ankle was still protesting loudly at having her weight supported by
it, but Niobe ignored the minor spasms of pain as she began to shuffle
back towards her room, any hope of actually getting something
accomplished now gone from her mind. She simply wanted to change out
of the leotard clinging against her skin and fall asleep, to find some
way to dull the self-loathing that permeated her world. "But that
wouldn't help anything," she muttered, shaking her head as another bolt
of pain raced up from her ankle. "I'd still be a failure, still be
letting Joseph down. It'd be even worse, because I'd just be feeling
sorry for myself."
A single tear managed to worm its way free of Niobe's eye, falling and
lightly splattering against the floor as she continued along her path,
the light of the living room receding behind her as she tried to brush
away whatever tears remained in her eyes. She almost couldn't stand to
be in the light and the comfort of the sun, feeling as though she
hardly deserved it, as though she were ashamed of what she was.
Another spasm of pain rocked her ankle, and with a small gasp Niobe
fell towards the floor again, the ankle giving out and sending her
falling forward this time.
Niobe's arms struck the floor hard, holding her just the slightest bit
away from the hard wood beneath her, her eyes shut tight as new tears
slowly formed in her eyes. "I'm to crawl, then?" she asked of nobody,
her upper body slowly lowering down to the floor as her raven-black
hair fell down about her. "Even my own body doesn't want me to walk
any more. I don't deserve the right to -walk-, much less to be an Eva
pilot. Much less to be -anything-."
Tears began to fall from the girl's eyes towards the floor, and Niobe
let out a small gasping sob as she began to pull herself across the
floor, the cold hardness of the wood sliding across the thin fabric and
sending a minor shiver through her spine. She wished, in the back of
her mind, that Ryo was in the apartment, that the red-eyed boy was
beside her when she needed somebody more than anything. A sigh escaped
her lips at the thought, her heart grown wistful as she thought of him,
the way that he'd looked standing in the moonlight the one night that
she'd first truly begun to fall for him.
"But I'm nothing to him," she half-moaned, her arms continuing to pull
her along as the light receded further, dirt and dust from the floor
slowly accumulating along the length of her body, the fabric thin
enough for her to feel as each new object adhered itself to her. Still
quietly sobbing and hating herself all the more for giving in to
sadness, Niobe slowly pushed herself towards her room, wondering what
she would do after everything was over, knowing beyond a doubt that she
was no longer welcome in her father's home or Ryo's home.
]++[
It was a test like nearly any other that he had grown accustomed to,
the LCL washing over his body as he waited in the vertical chamber,
eyes doing their best to focus on something even as he knew that the
best course of action was to focus on nothing. He'd never had any
problem with that routine before, never had failed to be able to clear
his mind of thoughts as Gendou had instructed, but for the first time
that he could remember he was stuck, other things lingering within his
thoughts. As the force of the LCL slowly forced him around and his
eyes lighted on Gendou and Ritsuko, he knew that they were aware of
that fact, could see their disappointment etched on their faces.
But even still, the thoughts lingered in Ryo's mind, thoughts that he
knew would have angered the commander immensely had he said anything.
He had done his best to follow routine with Niobe, but it had been
difficult if not impossible, and more to the point it didn't seem to be
achieving the desired effect. Something was wrong, something that he
couldn't figure out logically, and he was beginning to find himself
wondering if there was truly a point to holding on to the routine. It
was a thought that he would have considered insane not so long ago, but
he couldn't shake the picture of Niobe fleeing from him after she'd
gotten off of the phone, the way that her words had been something more
than simply a method of communication.
"Ryo." The voice was Gendou's, curt and professional, something
beneath his voice letting Ryo know that he was not pleased with the way
that the tests had been going. It stirred something within Ryo's
chest, knowing that the man was not pleased, a sensation that Ryo had
no words for aside from a vague perception of the fact. "We are
finished with the testing. You will be returned to your school
slightly before noon, after your synchronization testing and other
evaluations have been completed for the day."
"Understood," Ryo echoed, the vaguest hints of a frown beginning to
cross his face as the LCL's currents began to abate, Ryo slowly
drifting to the bottom of the vertical tank as the orange-red liquid
drained out beneath him. It was a new routine, and he understood that,
fully aware that his life was described by routine as he gently coughed
up the LCL sitting within his lungs. But he couldn't shake the nagging
suspicion that he was doing something wrong by subscribing blindly to
routine, a thought that was only reinforced by what he had seen
resulting from the routine. Routine had not helped him with Nieve and
had done nothing for Niobe, a logical impossibility when Gendou had
told him that a logical pattern was all he needed in life.
A hissing noise filled the air as the seal around the glass of the tank
was removed, and the tube slid upwards, the glass disappearing and
allowing Ryo to gently step out of the chamber onto the cold metal
floor of the darkened room. Ritsuko, flicking her eyes back and forth
between the computer display and the pale naked boy shivering almost
imperceptibly, offered him a towel, the white coten accepted gratefully
as Ryo began to dry himself off. "Something is wrong with the tests?"
he asked, his eyes closed as he went through the simple patterns of
drying himself, a routine followed for as long as he could recall.
"In a way," replied Gendou, his voice still curt, none of the usual
vaguely sympathetic tones that he took with the boy. The commander had
been growing more distant with the passage of time, something Ryo
hadn't noticed before but was slowly seeing more clearly. Gendou
opened his mouth to continue, then paused for a second, flicking his
eyes towards the door of the room as it hissed open and Dr. Fuyutsuki
stepped in hesitatntly. "Have you been following your routines
correctly?"
"Yes," replied Ryo, the barest trace of a frown flickering acros his
face as he tied the towel around his waist, the cold only slightly
alleviated by the act of drying. He paused for a moment, then took a
deep breath, unsure of whether or not he would be breaking routine by
asking another question. "Is something the matter with Niobe? I
have..." He paused, the same frown once again gracing his features for
just a moment, as though his facial muscles were trying to emulate
something they'd seen others do without being certain of how it was
done. "I have noticed some distinct changes in her personality and
actions. It is worrisome."
"The Sixth Child suffered a great deal of neural feedback during the
battle with the Fourteenth Angel," replied Gendou, the answer coming
just the slightest bit too quickly, as though he wasn't truly answering
the question. "Any abnormalities you notice in her personality is
simply a result of her mind attempting to deal with the aftershocks.
It is nothing to be worried about." A pause, the man adjusting his
glasses, Ryo staring at him and wondering what it was that he wasn't
being told. "Is there anything else?"
Ryo stared for a moment, knowing that routine dictated he should leave
and prepare for other testing, something in the back of his mind
questioning whether or not he should actually go on with the routine.
Closing his eyes for a second, Ryo forced the nagging question to fall
silent, then shook his head at Gendou and turned, walking slowly
towards the door. His thoughts were still on Niobe, however, something
in him knowing full well that what was going on with the girl had
nothing to do with neural feedback.
Gendou's eyes watched Ryo from behind his glasses as the blue-haired
boy slowly walked out of the room, then snapped his gaze back towards
Ritsuko, his expression unchanging but the fact that he was unhappy
quite clear from the way that he held his body. "You are certain that
there are no malfunctions within the testing devices?" he asked, his
voice remaining calm with only the vaguest hints of anger lingering
behind it.
"Beyond any shadow of a doubt. We extended the test for an excess
thirty minutes, they would have shown something if they weren't working
right." The woman sighed, letting her fingers move in quick patterns
across the keyboard, bringing up the display that she needed even as
she knew the commanders wouldn't like the result. "His soul is up to
39% impurity, nearly at the limit for safe operation of the plan.
There's contamination beginning to spread inwards from his mind, as
well, and the thought processes are breaking down." She paused, almost
tempted to let her conclusion draw itself. "I'm not sure if he's
suitable as a vessel any longer. There's a great risk of failure."
Kozou and Ritsuko both looked towards Gendou, wondering what the man's
reaction would be as he stared at the display. They both had some
inkling of what he was going to want to do about the situation, but it
didn't change the fact that he was looking at years of his own work and
effort being dashed to pieces within a few short months, enough to
seriously damage anyone's ego. The commander stared for only a moment,
however, then calmly looked towards Ritsuko, no visible change in his
expression despite the circumstances. "Prepare a secondary, but do not
complete the procedure. We will step up the pattern of Ryo's testing.
Should he breach the safe barrier, we will be forced to use the
alternate." He paused, then turned towards Fuyutsuki, seemingly
unaffected by the situation. "What about the girl?"
For a moment, Fuyutsuki stared, wondering if the other man would show
some sign that made it clear he was truly distressed by the situation,
if the loss of so much effort was sinking in or simply didn't matter to
the commander. Either way, his expression remained unchanging, and
Kozou cleared his throat, still wondering in the back of his mind what
Gendou was ultimately planning. "Almost completely integrated," he
announced, his voice slightly hesitant. "She should be ready for
introduction soon. You've spoken with her, and you seem to be pleased
with her progress."
"She has Yui's curiosity," replied Gendou, the vaguest hints of a smile
playing at the corner of his lips for just a second before he glanced
back at Ryo's display. "This is a worrisome development with Ryo, but
the benefits that I had hoped to garner by his growth were minor at
best, and extended only after the fact. The risk of contamination was
unavoidable." Pausing, he glanced back and forth between Kozou and
Ritsuko, his eyes almost hidden behind the lenses of his glasses. "You
will be able to complete the remainder of the process for today?"
"Of course," replied Kozou, nodding as he folded his hands behind his
back, a tension growing within the back of his head at Gendou's mention
of Yui. His reservations about NERV's ultimate goals had only grown
with time, made only worse by the tomb-like air that sat without
circulation in the cold and darkened room. "SEELE will probably
request another meeting in the near future, and you need to prepare.
We will have to begin moving some of our operations at least partially
into the light, and that carries a great deal of risk."
"There are no alternatives," replied Gendou flatly, turning and walking
towards where he knew the door lay, the black of his coat and slacks
almost blending into the darkness of the room around him. "We are the
shepherds of humanity, tasked with bringing about a new Eden. Toying
with risks cannot be a detriment to that fact."
Kozou let his gaze linger on the door for a moment after Gendou had
stepped out, then shook his head and turned towards Ritsuko, her eyes
already trained back on the computer display. "He's not showing any
disappointment with Ryo," noted the elder man, stepping closer to
Ritsuko and letting his eyes flick down towards the display, scanning
along the lines for some useful information. "It's admirable, really.
Considering all the time that we've invested into this part of the
project."
"But like he said, it's not the setback that it could be. -She- could
have been contaminated." Pausing, Ritsuko hit a few buttons, shifting
the display slightly and beginning the data compilation process, her
eyes quickly scanning the screen as the computer worked. "I'm just
still curious about where the contamination is originating from. It
can't be from school, considering that it continued to spread while he
was out of the school. I half-suspect the other Children, but it would
be nearly impossible to keep him shut off from all of the others, not
to mention the effect it might have of them during operations."
Listening to Ritsuko, Kozou couldn't help but notice the way that she
spoke of Ryo as though he was an object, and his muscles tensed
slightly as he thought of the way that she'd react if she knew the
whole story about the boy. "Doesn't that strike you as a little harsh,
though?" asked Fuyutsuki, his expression darkening slightly as the
computer continued to process the commands it had been fed. "Removing
him from almost all human contact?"
"Could be a necessary evil in any event," replied Ritsuko, her eyes
remaining focused on the computer display in front of her. If she
noticed the change in Fuyutsuki's expression, she certainly didn't show
it. "But no, I don't think it's particularly harsh. It's simply
another stage of the project."
"You don't see anything wrong with closing off a boy completely," Kozou
said, meaning the sentence as a question but noting that it wound up as
more of an accusation than anything. "He's sixteen, Ritsuko, and it's
not as though he has a particularly full life anyways. The idea of
pulling him out of school and cutting him off from the Children... he'd
be living in his own little world, away from everything. That's
inhumane."
"If we were talking about one of the other children, I'd agree
wholeheartedly. I even feel a bit bad about doing it to Ryo. But he's
a special case." There was the slightest catch in the woman's voice,
as though she were trying less to argue her case and more to convince
herself. "Ryo's not a normal boy. He was born for this, and he'll no
doubt die for it. Harsh though it might sound, it's the right thing to
do."
Kozou's mouth half-opened to tell Ritsuko the truth, to spill the one
secret that he knew was still being kept from her, something that might
have made her change her opinion of Ryo. But he found himself
stopping, the words catching in his throat, an embarassing situation
for the older man but undeniable. "I suppose you're right," he
muttered, the irony of his own lack of personal connections not
escaping him as he cast his eyes away from the computer display,
letting them rest on Ryo's testing chamber. "Ritsuko... did your
mother ever tell you anything about Ryo? Back in the nascent stages of
the project?"
"She never mentioned him except in passing," replied Ritsuko flatly,
the slight catch from before evaporating from her tone. "Any time that
she did talk about him, it wasn't a pleasant conversation - she
mentioned that Dr. Ikari had something to do with him on a regular
basis, but she was never clear on the exact details." She paused. "I
suspect she had some interactions with the boy before she killed
herself, but I wouldn't know. I stopped seeing her on a regular basis
when I turned thirteen."
Biting his lip, Kozou cast his eyes towards the blonde woman once
again, almost wishing that she'd been present for more of the early
days of NERV, that she could have seen everything going on with her own
eyes. It was difficult to know that she was being lied to despite how
close she was to the highest levels of the command structure, and even
though it made him worried for her it was worrisome for him as well.
"It's a shame," he said, his voice dropping in volume almost
unintentionally. "She would be proud of how you've turned out."
]++[
It was a different school than Ryo remembered, down to the very
atmosphere that seemed to permeate the structures about him like a
scent. He could recall all too clearly the sound of the other children
in the school laughing and enjoying themselves, thoughts of the Angels
and the ongoing battle with them only a peripheral concern, a negative
possibility that mostly resulted in the need for shuffling into various
shelters. But now the yard remained silent, only a few tense laughs
breaking the sun-bleached air as Ryo walked slowly towards the terrace,
his mind only half-focused on the changes that had been wrought to the
school as his legs moved in accustomed patterns.
"Niobe is in trouble." The words seemed odd, an aknowledgement of fact
that Ryo's logic told him could not be possible. He had been told by
Gendou that he didn't need to worry about the problems of the other
Children, that the only time they were his concern was inside of the
Eva. But he also knew that Gendou had told him that he would not be
defended by the other Children, that his role was different, that he
would only need to follow routine and everything would be find.
"Everything is not fine, though," he muttered. "Something is wrong.
Something is -very- wrong."
"Ayanami?" The voice was familiar, and Ryo's brain told him that it
was the Fourth Child even before his eyes had turned to catch sight of
Vash walking towards him, one arm outstretched in a casual wave. Ryo's
eyes squinted slightly, wondering if he was perceiving the voice
correctly, a bit put off by the boy's appearance. Though it was the
right build for Vash, the hair was all wrong, falling down about the
other boy's face with the barest traces of black roots visible through
the mess of blonde. "I didn't think that you were coming to school any
more. You've missed a lot."
Blinking, Ryo cocked his head slightly to one side, now certain that it
was Vash even though he was still struggling to cope with the boy's new
appearance. "Koji," he said, voice remaining flat as he watched the
other approach. "I didn't recognize you at first. Your hair looks
different."
"It's not 'Koji,' it's... oh, never mind." The boy shook his head,
stepping past Ryo and waving the blue-haired boy along. Ryo puzzled
for a moment, then shrugged to nobody in particular and followed Vash,
confused about where he was headed. "Really, though, I'm kind of glad
to see you. It'd be nice to have somebody to talk with, even if it is
you."
Ryo's mouth fell open, and he was about to tell Vash that he had other
things to do when he found himself hesitating. The routine he knew
dictated that he go straight into the school and arrange his desk, that
he prepare for the next lesson and be certain that he was ready. But
the routines he knew were beginning to feel awkward, almost hollow, as
though he was doing the wrong thing simply by following them. "I'm
actually glad to have someone to talk to, as well," replied Ryo,
continuing to follow the other boy, the words sounding awkward on his
ears.
Vash froze momentarily, glancing back towards Ryo in surprise and
blinking. "Well, I'll be," he said, shaking his head slightly as he
turned towards a nearby bench, taking a few steps before sitting down
limply. "I didn't think that you had anything to talk about in the
first place." He paused for a moment, sinking his head slightly, then
shrugged. "What the heck, go ahead. Tell me what's going on."
Staring for a moment longer, Ryo took a hesitant seat next to the other
boy, his mind racing with the thought that he was breaching routine so
blatantly, the implications staggering to him. He had always assumed
that he couldn't break routine okutright, that he didn't have nearly
enough control over his life to do so, the very reason why the thought
of Nieve being in love had been fascinating to him. Realizing that he
was doing it utterly on his own was a heady rush, almost enough to
knock him out of his thoughts of Niobe. "I... I'm..." He paused,
unsure of exactly what to do. "What was it that you wanted to talk
about?"
"Ah, never mind, this is much more interesting," replied Vash, a thin
smirk crossing his lips as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his
knees and tilting his head towards Ryo. "I was just kind of
wondering..." He paused, then closed his eyes for a second, the barest
hints of something deeper flickering across his face like a shadow.
"Never mind. Like I said, this is more interesting. Come on, Ryo,
spill it."
"It... it's Niobe," replied Ryo, wondering if perhaps Vash could
provide answers that Gendou and Ritsuko hadn't been willing to. There
was some merit to breaking routine for that, he was certain of it, the
concept of justification only barely tickling at the back of his mind
as he stared at Vash. "She's been acting... odd, ever since the battle
with the Fourteenth." He paused. "I think she might be in trouble."
Nodding, Vash seemed to be genuinely listening, as though Ryo were just
another student in the school. It was an odd sensation, and although
Ryo couldn't shake the feeling that his routines were collapsing around
him it was somehow liberating to be speaking with the other boy.
"How's she been acting?" asked Vash, leaning slightly closer to Ryo.
"I mean, is she acting as though she doesn't want to speak to you any
more, or like she doesn't want to pilot the Eva any more, or... what?"
Ryo stared at Vash for a moment, having difficulty believing that it
was the same boy that he had met not so long ago even as he struggled
to wrap his mind around what he was doing. "I... I don't know,
exactly," he replied, turning his head and letting his eyes focus on
the steadily-shifting mosaic pattern of light filtering down through
the tree branches. "She hasn't been talking to me as often as she used
to, however. And... I don't know, something seems to be wrong." He
paused, struggling for the words as a cool breeze filtered through the
terrace, stirring the patterns of light on the stone walkway. "I don't
know the words. I'm not supposed to be worried about the other
Children."
Vash sniggered slightly, but by the time that Ryo had flicked his eyes
back towards the other boy the laugher was gone, replaced by a somewhat
jovial expression. Ryo was utterly confused as to why the other boy
was even listening to him, much less seeming concerned about the
problem and actually treating Ryo like an equal. "Well, I wouldn't be
too worried about Niobe," offered Vash, leaning back in the bench and
staring up at the sky, something unusually languid about his
movements. "She's a tough girl, after all. Heck, remember when she
took down the Eleventh Angel? Ripped that robot apart."
"I remember," replied Ryo, a slight frown creasing his features as he
found himself thinking of the incident that Vash mentioned, doing his
best to remember what had happened afterwards. He distantly could
recall that she had been upset then as well, that something had put her
into distress, something that she hadn't been willing to talk about.
He'd barely noticed at the time, assuaging his curiosity with the
knowledge that it was not part of his routine, but as he thought he
realized that her unhappiness seemed to have originated from a phone
call, a call that he knew in the back of his mind was with her father.
"Her parents," he said, jerking his head up slightly. "I think it
might have something to do with her parents."
"Oh." Vash's words sounded oddly hollow, and Ryo glanced back towards
him, catching an odd expression on the other boy's face. There was
something there, another item in a long list of things that Ryo
couldn't quite explain, but before he could even think to ask about it
the expression was gone. "Listen, maybe it's something that Niobe
doesn't want to talk about with you right now, but she might be willing
to talk to another girl."
Ryo blinked, confused slightly by the implications of the statement.
"Why would that make any difference?"
"Dunno. Girls are like that sometimes. I don't understand it
myself." Shrugging, Vash pulled himself to his feet, as though
anticipating the gentle ring that announced the time to head back
towards class. "But yeah, she might want to talk to another girl, and
I know that Eiko's the expert on all things parent-related. I'll talk
about it with Eiko, and try to get it so that the two of them have
lunch together sometime soon, okay? And whatever I find out, I'll let
you know." He paused. "Assuming that you're still going to be in
school, I mean."
"As far as I know, I'll remain in school for the time being," replied
Ryo, standing as well and wishing that he had more adequete words for
the sensation he was feeling. It was the same sort of emotion that
he'd felt when Neil had spoken with him after their first battle
together, an inexplicable sense of being accepted by the other Child,
as though he wasn't as different as Gendou kept reminding him.
Although Ryo only had the most fundamental perception of it, he knew
that he liked it, even if he still couldn't quite figure out what
brought it on. "Koji... Vash, thank you."
Vash froze for a moment, glancing back at Ryo, obviously surprised at
the boy's words, eyes wide until he sighed and shook his head, a thin
smirk tracing its way across his lips. "You're something else,
Ayanami," the boy said with a slightly bitter chuckle, turning back
towards the school's main building and walking with Ryo as few steps
behind. "Incidentally, if you don't mind me asking... are you and
Niobe..." He paused, then glanced back once again. "Do you like her,
or something?"
"What do you mean?" asked Ryo, having some inkling of what the question
was truly about but deciding to feign innocence regardless. He knew
that by the routine he'd managed to piece together he wasn't even
capable of being in a relationship with someone, and the memory of his
failure with Nieve still lingered in the back of his mind. Despite
that, he couldn't dismiss Vash's statement outright, an odd thought
bubbling up in the back of his mind. "I believe that she's a fine Eva
pilot, and I enjoy working with her during standard operations of -"
"Forget I asked," interrupted the other boy, holding up a hand to
indicate silence as they drew closer to the main doors. The other
students were beginning to crowd slightly, and Ryo could see the almost
eerie dearth of live bodies on the schoolyard, the uncommon emptiness
around the school's entryway. Vash seemed to notice as well, but he
said nothing, simply began to elbow his way towards the entrance,
leaving Ryo alone with thoughts that he didn't quite understand.
]++[
Niobe had never been reluctant to sit inside of the entry plug before,
but as the swirling red-orange LCL slid into her lungs and choked her
momentarily she had the creeping suspicion that something was going to
go wrong. Nothing had gone right for her for more than a month, ever
since she began to fail at every opportunity, and she doubted that a
failure like herself would do well in a round of synchronization
testing. "Especially against those two," she muttered to nobody,
glancing towards the side of her darkened plug, knowing that Neil and
Nieve were sitting in their own plugs not too far away, waiting for the
test along with her.
"All right, everyone, get ready. We're going to start slowly, so just
relax and concentrate on the Eva." Misato's voice was as calm as it
ever was, but it did nothing to ease Niobe's nerves as she leaned back
against the black cushioning of her seat, her mind struggling to focus
as she felt the presence of her Eva tickle at the back of her mind.
She had done it thousands of times, and she knew that she was more than
capable of making it work for her. It was simply the nagging doubt
about herself that kept drawing her back away from the yellow golem's
mind, kept her hands relaxing and then tightening around the metal
handrests.
Outside of the testing booth, Ritsuko found herself equally distracted,
her mind lingering on Kozou's words from the day before as Maya slowly
called off announcements to her. It was important information, and she
knew that she should be listening, but as she tried to focus her blue-
gray eyes on the computer display her thoughts kept running away from
her and drifting back towards Ryo's testing. Flicking her eyes up
quickly, she found herself wishing that it was his time for synch
testing, that she had some way of studying the boy, trying to figure
out what it was that Fuyutsuki was implying about him.
"Dr. Akagi?" The urgency of Maya's voice cut through Ritsuko's mental
distractions, and blinking once she managed to force a smile at the
younger woman, flicking her eyes back towards the computer display.
"Are you all right, ma'am? You look a little pale."
"I think I'm coming down with a bit of a cold," Ritsuko lied, knwoing
that the truth would only make the situation more complicated than it
already was. She could feel Misato staring at her for a moment, both
women fully aware that it was a lie, but Ritsuko forced herself to
ignore her companion and focus on whatever Maya had interrupted her
reverie for. "It's just making me a little scatterbrained, though.
What's wrong?"
"Nothing's exactly -wrong-, it's just..." Maya hesitated, biting her
lower lip for a second before hitting a few quick keys on her
observation console and drawing up a detailed graph of the Children's
synch ratios. Ritsuko's eyes picked out an abnormality before Maya had
even said anything, but the younger woman continued talking before
Ritsuko had a chance to say anything. "Niobe's synch rate has fallen.
Dramatically. It's lower than any of the other Children's now, even
Vash."
"40%," muttered Ritsuko, shaking her head as she stared at the graph.
It seemed to almost be an epidemic amongst the Children, the dramatic
falls in their synchronization since the Fourteenth's attack. It was
worrisome to say the least, and not for the first time Ritsuko found
herself wishing that there was some way to replace the Children more
reliably with computers, wishing that the dummy plug test hadn't been
interrupted by the Angels. "Misato, have you told her?"
"Must we?" asked Misato, her voice sounding odd, a catch in it that
Ritsuko only thought of as a sure sign the other woman would complain
about the Children. "She hasn't been coming into Central Dogma like
she used to. Before, she would be in here day and night, always
pressuring to get more practice time inside of EVA-05, more synch
testing, more -something-. Ever since the Fourteenth, though, she's
been staying away."
Ritsuko smiled thinly despite herself, turning slowly towards Misato as
she drew herself up to her full height, her lab coat shifting tangibly
against her skin. "I would think that would make you happy," she
offered, the slightest bit of nastiness managing to creep into her tone
rather intentionally. "I remember how angry you were when I let her
out to practice in the first place - you seemed to want her to stop
coming around."
"Just because I'm happy about the end result doesn't mean I'm confident
in the reasoning," replied Misato, arms folded across her chest as she
stared into the testing area, her eyes oddly distant as though she was
trying to look through the metal of the entry plugs. "It's a sudden
shift in the way that she acts, and I doubt that's a good sign. Maybe
we shouldn't tell her about her synch rate just yet, considering the
situation."
"Misato, we're not here to deal with the mental problems of the
Children," sighed Ritsuko, once again wishing that she was simply
dealing with machinery. It was one of the few things that had once
endeared her to Ryo, the smooth and mechanical way that the boy
operated, the way that she could predict his responses without
difficulty. "We're here to facilitate the usage of the Eva units, and
that's it. If you're that worried about Niobe, send her to a
pyschiatrist. You might even be able to get money for it out of NERV.
But that doesn't change the fact that we're obligated to disclose her
synch rate and any changes at the time of -"
"I know," replied Misato, her tone curt as she leaned over into the
microphone. Ritsuko let out another sigh, this one more gentle as she
found her thoughts drifting back towards Ryo, her brow furrowing
unconsciously as she let her eyes lose focus. Misato seemed to notice,
but said nothing to the other woman, simply flicked on the microphone
curtly. "Niobe? Your synch ratio has fallen a bit since last time.
Is there something that we should know about?"
Niobe's hands tightened aroung the handrests, her eyes going wide in
panic for just a second. There was something in Misato's voice that
made her suspect that she was doing far worse than the words would
imply, and it took a moment of steady breathing before Niobe could even
begin to relax herself again, feeling the LCL steadily flow in and out
of her lungs as the salty taste exploded across her tongue. "I'm
fine," she said, mentally noting that she was turning out to be an even
bigger failure than she'd expected. "How low is it? Below fifty?"
Silence greeted her for just a second, and the girl's hands tightened
again in anticipation, knowing that she wasn't going to like what
Misato had to say. "You're currently holding steady at 40%," announced
Misato at length, her voice sounding almost apologetic. "That's below
standard operating parameters for the Evas."
"You're kidding." The words tried their best to sound casual, but
Niobe knew that she was starting to panic, feeling her muscles tense
across her body as the adrenaline slowly leaked into her system, her
hands tightening and relaxing around the handrests as though it was
part of a ceremony. "You've -got- to be kidding. I've got one of the
highest rates of the Children."
"Had," replied Misato, her tone flat as Niobe felt the tension in her
body increase. There seemed to be just the slightest bit of contempt
riding beneath Misato's words, and Niobe was certain that it was
directed towards her, her panic rising as the LCL seemed to thicken
around her. "That's why we're wondering if something is wrong. It's a
pretty big drop, even with the time gap since your last test... are you
sure that you're all right?"
A strangled cry of response caught in Niobe's throat, her hands
clutching at her head as she violently rocked back and forth. She knew
full well what it meant if she couldn't keep her Eva under control, the
old threat that she would be kicked out of NERV. The first time that
Misato had ever told her that she could be removed, the sound of the
words had buried itself in the girl's ears, and she could hear nothing
but that as she thrashed helplessly for what felt like an eternity in
the bloody liquid, her muscles tensing nearly to the point of
breaking. "No," she hissed, trying to focus on the body of the Eva
outside of her. "No, no, no, no."
There were urgent voices coming over the radio, and Niobe slowly forced
herself to calm down as Misato called for some kind of response, her
voice growing more urgent with each passing moment. "I'm fine," she
lied, crossing her arms and clutching at her upper arms, pulling
herself tightly inward. She was anything but fine, but she knew there
was no way to say so to Misato, knew that the woman was already
disgusted with the failure that she'd become. "It's nothing. I
suppose I'll just have to try harder next time."
Ritsuko found herself mirroring Misato's frown at the oddly mecahnical
sound of Niobe's voice, little doubt in her mind that the girl was
trying to cover something up. She momentarily wondered if it might
have something to do with Ryo before she felt Misato's eyes on her,
flicking her gaze away from the observation room towards her one-time
friend. "We're ending the simulation now," announced Misato, almost
provoking a reaction from Ritsuko before she realized that the other
woman was speaking into the microphone. "Get down to the locker rooms
and clean up."
"You realize that isn't your call to make," snapped Ritsuko, her voice
growing harsher as the other woman flipped the switch to deactivate the
microphone. "We're not dealing with the Evas here, and I'm the one who
decides when a synch test is and isn't over." She paused, her temper
only sharpened by the lingering mystery of Ryo. "Or as you put it,
I'll do my job if you don't mind."
"I don't care. If you want to keep doing a synch test, fine. But
you're going to have to find another set of Children to perform it
on." Misato's tone was oddly flat, the only tone that Ritsuko could
pick up a vague exhaustion as the purple-haired woman turned and strode
out of the room, walking fast enough to nearly slam into the doors
before they hissed open.
Maya was staring up at Ritsuko, waiting for guidance, seemingly
oblivious to the fact that the elder woman was gently rubbing her
temple in an effort to calm herself. "Get them out of there," she said
after a moment, waving one hand distractedly towards the observation
room. "We'll compile a full report from what we've gotten now. It's
not worth a fight over." Maya nodded, and with only a moment longer
spent looking at Ritsuko the young woman began to type in new commands
to the console, leaving Ritsuko to try and ponder out what Kozou had
meant even as she tried to figure out what she was feeling towards
Misato.
]++[
Niobe wasn't quite sure if she wanted to hit something or cry, thought
both seemed like rather attractive courses of action in light of the
circumstances. "They can't kick me out of NERV," she muttered, her wet
feet slapping against the floor gently as she walked towards her
locker, wet hair hanging limply against her back and more than tangible
through the thin white cotton towel. She'd never worn a towel before
in the showers, had never seen a need to, but she knew that she wasn't
half as attractive as she'd always assumed, that her body obviously
didn't appeal to Ryo. Even her hair frustrated her, the knowledge that
she'd been distracted by her own appearance unwilling to leave her mind
as she strode in front of her locker.
"They can't kick me out. Joseph wouldn't let them." Her voice
trembled slightly with the statement, some uncertainty about the
assertion managing to creep into her mind as she unfurled the towel
wrapped around her body. The locker room air was cold against her dark
skin, painfully so, nopthing that she felt she didn't deserve as she
mopped off the few remaining beads of moisture. "I'm their best
pilot. They know that. They wouldn't."
Her hands were trembling as she reached over to her locker, another
frustration to add on to a long list as she angrily pulled the door
open. It swung and slammed against the next-door locker with the
clanging noise of metal against metal, setting her teeth slightly on
edge but alleviating her frustration ever so slightly. "They wouldn't
do it," she snapped, gritting her teeth as she snatched her bra out of
the locker, taking the barest of moments to examine it. It was lace,
another distraction when she could have simply used a plain article,
another source of internal scolding as she slid it over her chest and
clipped it shut. "Misato wouldn't have the guts to kick me out. I
know it."
Grabbing her panties from the locker, her trembling grew even worse as
she slid the thin fabric over her skin, the sensation smooth, enjoyable
under any other circumstances except for the fact that she knew she had
no right to feel good about anything. "Won't get kicked out," she
snapped, her anger growing despite being directed at nobody. "I'll do
better. I won't let them kick me out, not now, not ever. I'll make
sure that I do better from now on. I can cut out more distractions,
the ones that I should have gotten rid of before."
"Niobe?" The voice was Nieve's, an odd tension in the other girl's
tone as Niobe whipped her head around. She was standing at the end of
the locker row in a short red skirt and a dull orange blouse, her green
eyes wide and seeming to pull in the fluorescent light from the
fixtures above them. "Do you mind if I come over?"
"Do whatever you want," replied Niobe, her trembling not abating as she
snatched out her jeans, sitting down and forcing her legs into the
rough denim without ceremony. She only distantly heard Nieve's
footsteps approaching her, focusing instead on what she needed to do
before she could return to her prior synch ratio, to make Ryo notice
her instead of Nieve once again. "Was there something you wanted to
talk about?"
Silence filled the air for the barest of seconds, and Niobe could tell
in the back of her mind that she wasn't going to like what the other
girl had to say. "Niobe... you're looking thin." The words were
fraught with something that the African girl couldn't quite place,
something that scared her just the slightest bit even as she tugged her
blouse out of the locker. "Really thin. I mean, you've never been
really bulky, but you're..." She paused. "Listen, have you been
eating lately? Three meals a day?"
"I've been avoiding Ryo as best I can," replied Niobe, her tone curt as
she tugged the shirt around her body, distantly noticing that the
blouse was fitting a bit more loosely than it had before. "It's hard
to do, especially since he's been out of school for so long. Now that
he's going back, I'll be able to get more to eat."
"You can't do that!" snapped Nieve, grabbing Niobe's shoulder and
jerking the other girl around. "Niobe, eating isn't about whether or
not you want to see someone, it's about keeping yourself healthy. If
you don't eat, you could do some serious damage to your body." She
paused, hanging her head ever so briefly, giving Niobe just the
slightest pause for thought before she continued. "Why wouldn't you
want to see Ryo, anyways? I'll admit that he's a little creepy
sometimes, but -"
Frustration at herself had reached a boiling point within the depths of
Niobe's mind, and she found herself lashing out, letting her open palm
strike hard against Nieve's cheek. "He is -not- creepy," she snapped,
unable to tell whether she was angrier at herself for everything she
had done wrong or with Nieve for not wanting the boy when he had
clearly shifted his attentions towards her. "You don't know the first
thing about him, and you don't know the first thing about me. Don't
pretend that you do."
Nieve said nothing immediately, and Niobe turned back towards her
locker, her hand stinging from the impact with Nieve's pale skin,
fluorescent lights feeling physically oppressive as she snatched out
her socks and shoes from the locker. "Niobe, this isn't something that
you should trivialize," Nieve offered after a moment, her tone not
angry so much as concerned, measured and infuriatingly calm. "I know
where you're coming from, believe me. Daughters of NERV, remember?"
Her hands clenched, and Niobe forced her socks on roughly, slamming her
feet into her shoes and wishing that the other girl would simply go
away. "Just because we both grew up in this program doesn't mean that
we're the same," snapped Niobe, standing and staring at the other girl,
becoming aware for the first time just how pale she truly was, her tone
only slightly darkened by the time she'd spent in the constant sun of
Tokyo-3. "We're from completely different worlds. Now go away. I've
got other things to do."
"I don't care," snapped Nieve in response, rising to her feet and
stepping in front of the other girl, her eyes narrowing slightly as she
spread her arms to block off the dark-skinned girl from passage.
"Niobe, you need to -eat-. Even if you're busy, even if you're trying
to avoid Ryo for whatever reason. Don't you want to eat?"
"And what if I don't, Nieve? What then?" Her tone was growing more
frantic as she took a step towards the other girl, her teeth locked
together tightly. "What are you going to do then, force me to? This
is my life, damn it, and you've got nothing to do with it." She
snarled, then forced her way past Nieve, knowing in the back of her
mind that Nieve was right but utterly unwilling to admit it. "I've got
to go meet Eiko for lunch. Where I'll -eat-, thank you very much."
The other girl offered no response as Niobe strode out the sliding
doors, her hands tensing and relaxing in steady patterns as the
fluorescent lights beamed harshly into her eyes. She hadn't wanted to
tell Nieve that she just had been trying to look prettier so that Ryo
would notice her, especially since the implication that she was looking
worse only compouded the situation. She didn't want to have failed
again, to have tried to appear attractive and succeeded at nothing, not
in the wake of so many other failures.
]++[
She had honestly intended to go to lunch with Eiko, a fact that
slightly alleviated her internal anger for lying to Nieve. But there
had been no alternative to avoiding the other girl, something that
she'd realized halfway to the school, forcing her to run the rest of
the way back to her apartment in hopes of making up for the time that
she'd lost by going out of her way. It was frivolous, going to lunch
with the other girl under the circumstances, forging personal
relationships that would only distract her when she was supposed to be
eliminating distractions from her life. "Sorry, Nieve," she muttered,
stepping slowly into the living room.
One hand has holding the scissors, the metal cold against her skin as
she stepped into the mid-day wash of light, the sun momentarily
blinding before she stepped over to the window and drew the shade down
halfway. The room immediately fell darker, feeling slightly more
comfortable to the girl as she took a deep breath and sat down on the
couch, her chest heaving from the exhaustion of running and the stress
of the situation. Her stomach offered a weak growl, hungry before the
decision to skip lunch and in no way made happier by the sudden
sprinting back to the apartment. "It had to be done, though," she
muttered, slowly opening and closing the scissors. "I didn't have any
choice. I've got to focus on the important things."
She could still remember Joseph's angry words towards her, the things
that he'd shouted over the phone, every curse that he'd spat at her
about her irresponsibility. She hadn't wanted to believe any of it,
but she knew that he was right, that her failure was her own fault,
that even though she had thought there were no distractions in her life
she had let them crowd around her. "No more personal relationships
getting in my way," she said, her hands trembling slightly as she
raised the scissors, steel blade glinting against the sunlight. "No
more selfishness, no more ignorance, and no more distractions. Just
me, my Eva, and Ryo." She took one last breath, then jerked the
scissors around and let the blades close with a snap.
Distantly aware of the noise of the front door to the apartment
opening, Niobe ignored it, focusing on the task at hand, opening the
scissor's blades and then shutting them again decisively. They closed
with a satisfying clicking noise, enough to give Niobe a mild rush of
satisfaction with each motion even as she felt her head growing
lighter. "It's the right thing to do," she whispered, moving the
scissors again and letting them click shut. "I have to cut out these
distractions if I'm going to still be an Eva pilot. I can't let them
kick me out of NERV, not if I ever want Ryo to -"
"Niobe?" The voice was Ryo's, but there was something odd about it, an
odd sort of inflection that seemed not to match his usual flat tone.
"Niobe, are you home?" Considering answering for a moment, the girl
ignored his voice and let the scissors close with another clicking
noise, slowly chanting to herself that she was doing the right thing.
"You were supposed to have lunch with Eiko today, but you didn't show
up. Is something -"
A final snip of the scissors, and the last of Niobe's long hair fell
limply to the floor, resting atop the rest of her severed tresses in a
pool of sunlight that was drifting in through the window. "Nothing's
wrong," she said firmly, staring down at the mass of hair, surprised
that she had so much to cut off in the first place. She was certain
that she'd been distracted by it more than ever, seeing the volume that
she'd had to cut off driving the point home to her. "I just had
something else that I needed to do first."
Ryo's footsteps echoed through the apartment momentarily as Niobe
stood, releasing the scissors and letting them fall against the
cushions of the couch as the boy approached the living room. His eyes
went wide at the sight of the girl's clipped hair, and Niobe forced
herself not to react, certain that he was still testing her, that he
simply couldn't admit how he felt after the horrific way that she'd
handled herself. "You cut your hair," he said, the surprise evident in
his voice. "Why?"
The remark stung slightly, but Niobe forced herself to take another
deep breath, knowing that Ryo was simply pushing her to show her true
colors. "Because it was a distraction," she replied firmly, shaking
her head to let a few loose strands of long hair fall free. "In times
like these, it's not important to focus on silly things like that. You
said it yourself - all that matters is that the Angels are destroyed."
"But I didn't mean..." Ryo shook his head, feeling only more confused
by the conversation, as though he'd walked in on the middle of a
conversation that was already going on. "That's not a reason to cut
your hair. Hair is in no way related to destroying the Angels."
"Yes, it is," Niobe insisted, feeling her hands tense slightly at the
thought that she'd managed to make a mistake once again. She'd already
failed to attract Ryo with long hair, it seemed impossible that he'd be
equally disgusted with short hair, that he was as unimpressed by her
devotion either way. "Without all that to worry about taking care of,
I can focus on being a better pilot instead. That way we'll be closer
to destroying the rest of the Angel. Eliminating distractions. Right?"
"Niobe, cutting your hair won't make you a better Eva pilot," replied
Ryo, his words slow and measured, his mind trying to wrap itself around
Niobe's train of logic even as he wondered what was really going on.
There had to be something more important, he was certain of it, a
routine slowly piecing together instinctively in the back of his mind.
"And what does it matter? As long as the Angels are destroyed, it
could matter less who turns out to be the best pilot."
"It -does- matter!" snapped Niobe, taking a step forward as her hands
clenched tightly, blue eyes flashing in desperation. "It matters to -
you-, doesn't it?" Her breath was coming faster now, her heartbeat
speeding up as she stared into the boy's red eyes, watching as her
world came down around her. He had to just be testing her, seeing
whether or not she would give in and let up in her devotion. That was
the only possibility, the only thing that she could logically conceive
of.
"All I want is to destroy the Angels," replied Ryo, keeping his voice
calm even as he noticed the vaguest hint of panic creeping in to his
own voice. He was beginning to find half-formed ideas about what was
really wrong with the girl floating around in his head, but they
confused him, seperated fully from any routine, dangerously unstable
despite the steps he'd taken away from his routines. "You know that.
I've said as much to you many times."
"-Liar!-" snapped Niobe, her hand nearly flying forth and slapping the
pale boy across the cheek, her anger and self-loathing compounding as
she stared at him and tried to understand why the testing didn't end.
She couldn't believe what he was saying, knew that it had to be some
kind of test of her ability to remain focused, that she couldn't have
failed so dramatically to understand Ryo's words. "You -do- care about
who's the best! I -know- it!"
Silence passed between the two Children for a moment, Niobe's breaths
coming harsh and ragged as Ryo simply stared as calmly as possible, the
slightest glints of something other than simple observation managing to
surface in the bright red pools of his eyes. Then something
imperceptible snap, and Niobe pushed her way past Ryo, moving swiftly
as a lone tear glittered in the thin light of the apartment and fell
towards the floor. Remaining silent, the girl stepped lightly into the
small lowered area for her shoes, letting her feet slip into the
sneakers and opening the door in one smooth motion. One glance back
towards Ryo, then she was out the door with a slam.
Ryo stared at the door for a moment, the expression on Niobe's face
etched into his memory even with the sparse seconds of exposure to it.
He'd never seen the girl look so hurt before, as though Ryo was the
direct cause of her problems even though he wanted to help her. "It's
not her parents," he offered to nobody, hearing his words echo against
the silence of the apartment, his eyes drifting shut after a moment as
he struggled to deal with the tumult his thoughts had been thrown into.
Taking a deep breath, Ryo forced himself to move, placing his schoolbag
down gently on the floor and stepping into the living room. Something
bubbled within his chest as he stared at the limp black hair on the
floor, the sunlight glinting off the surface the way that he'd always
seen her hair in motion. Biting his lower lip gently, he knelt besides
the hair, pushing his hand into the mass and pulling up a small group
of strands, watching as each individual piece moved and reflected the
light. "When she was dancing," he whispered to himself, trying to sort
out the multitude of emotions conflicting within his chest, feelings
that he couldn't begin to understand without any frame of reference.
"It shone like this then."
His hand relaxed and let the hair flutter to the floor a few scant
seconds before the Angel alarm ripped through the air like a knife,
prompting Ryo to stand and begin to move towards the door as he'd been
taught. It was routine, the only thing that he knew for certain, but
as his foot rested in the hall directly outside of the living room he
hesitated for the first time that he could remember. Glancing back
towards the mass of Niobe's discarded hair, he felt himself sigh,
struggling to understand what he was feeling and what the girl was
going through.
Another second passed, and the alarm blared to life again, the steady
noise that seemed to be pushing Ryo back into his routine. A quick nod
to nobody, and Ryo was moving again, swiftly walking down the hall and
into the small space before the door, slipping on his shoes and
stepping out, his thoughts lingering on the thin strands still
lingering in a pool of sunlight.
]++[
It was the second time that NERV had found a use for the satellite
monitoring systems, but as Misato stared at the main screen she
couldn't help but wonder how useful they were truly being. All that
could be seen of the Angel was a winglike series of glowing
projections, like some sort of unnatural bird floating through space,
the light seemingly internal and resisting any efforts to make out
details of the beast's body. "Just as inscrutable as ever," the woman
muttered, arms balancing her just above the drop to the level below.
"What's it doing now?"
"Nothing, as far as we can tell," replied Makoto, his hands moving
slowly across the keyboard, speed dulled simply by the apparent
inactivity of the beast. He'd had more than enough time to analyze
what was facing them so his task was little more than keeping a
watchful eye and making sure that nothing changed. "No energy buildup,
no motion, nothing. We haven't been able to gauge the strength of its
AT Field, but as it stands it isn't even approaching the surface. It's
just waiting for something."
"Probably for us," she noted, a frown slowly spreading across her face
as she stared at the bird-like form on the main screen. "Either
they're getting smarter or more daring. It's letting us take the first
move, and betting on us not being able to take it out before it makes
its own first move. Either that, or it's just being reckless." She
paused, her frown darkening as she flicked her eyes across the screen,
as though trying to determine something more about the Angel from the
black field it sat atop.
"At that height, it's fairly safe against anything we'd want to try on
it," offered Ritsuko, standing only scant feet behind Misato, waiting
for the other woman to offer some minor acknowledgement of her
presence. There was a momentary pause, then Misato turned her head
halfway towards Ritsuko, the same resentful expression on her face that
Ritsuko recognized from inside the observation booth. "The technical
division has been working on the Type-20 Particle Cannon, though. It
might be able to at least take a few shots at the beast, though we'd
have difficulty setting up the targeting coordinates."
Misato stared for a moment longer, then nodded, no change in her
expression as she turned back towards the main screen. It stung more
than it should have, made in no way easier by the fact that Ritsuko was
still puzzling over Kozou's comments about Ryo. "All right, Makoto,
start setting up a targeting program to work off of the satellites.
Maya, deploy the particle cannon to the surface and prepare the Evas
for launch."
Sitting inside of the Eva, Niobe could hear none of the conversation,
only the harsh sound of her breathing, her lungs slowly ingesting and
exhaling the bloody LCL as she tried to force herself to be calm. Her
stomach was growling like a caged beast, but she forced it to be quiet,
knowing full well that she had other things to worry about, that her
top priority had to be piloting the Eva the way that she was supposed
to. "No distractions," she hissed, tightening her hands around the
metal rests instinctively. "This time I'll destroy the Angel. I've
got to. I can't let them kick me out of NERV."
The radio crackled to life, and Niobe found herself leaning forward in
her seat, her eyes going wide even though there was nothing to see
except for the teal-gray walls of her hangar. "The Angel's currently
in high orbit, like the Tenth," announced Misato's voice, her tone
oddly hollow, as though something was eating at her from within.
"Unfortunately, it's too far out for us to hit it with conventional
weaponry. We're going to be relying on one of the technical division's
experimental weapons, and even then it's a long shot."
"Let me do it!" snapped Niobe, knowing that she was speaking too early
but not caring. She knew how angry Misato had gotten the last time
she'd tried to force herself into an operation, but she could feel the
desperation surging within her chest, little doubt in her mind that she
was facing the frighteningly real proposition of losing her position as
pilot. "I know that you probably have something else in mind, but -"
"Actually, Niobe, I was going to send you up anyways. Your machine's
onboard targeting system is the best suited to the situation. Eiko,
you'll be standing on backup in case something goes wrong." She paused
as Niobe's machine began to move towards the launching pad, unable to
see the almost sinister smile creeping across Niobe's face. "Be
careful. We don't know what the Angel's capable of."
"I'll be careful after I've destroyed the Angel," replied Niobe, her
voice firm as she jerked back hard on the handrests, forcing herself to
focus. She had eliminated all the distractions that she could from her
life, and she knew it. There was no way that she would fail this time.
Misato sighed gently, then shut off the microphone, letting her eyes
flick up towards the main screen as it displayed Niobe's yellow golem
streaking towards the surface. "Are you sure that was a good idea?"
asked Ritsuko, her tone taking a slightly bitter edge. "You said
yourself that you don't think Niobe's doing well. This might be the
worst possible thing you could do for her."
"Couldn't be worse than your synch test," replied Misato, her voice
equally bitter as her eyes continued to rest on the main screen.
"Besides, as I see it, Niobe's got more impetus to succeed now. She
knows exactly what she has to overcome." She paused, her body shifting
uncomfortably from one foot to the other, as though Misato was trying
to convince herself. "And she does have the best machine for the
operation. We can always pull her out if we need to."
Niobe's eyes flicked about her display swiftly, waiting until the
second that she saw the street to begin focusing on moving, her Eva
stepping off the launch platform as soon as the safety restraints had
disengaged. Glancing to her side, she saw the particle cannon, at
least half as tall as her Eva, a long and flattened white cannon with
an equally large shoulder harness. "The cannon fastens against your
Eva's shoulder port," announced Misato, her voice sounding slightly
reluctant. "You'll need to jettison one of your flanges."
"Understood," Niobe replied, pulling back on the handrest and shrugging
her shoulder, the motions helping her to focus as the clamps holding on
the tan and yellow flange removed themselves with a loud hiss.
Reaching up and removing the thin metal, Niobe placed it gently down on
the ground beside her, then reached down and hefted the shoulder
cannon, slowly moving the upper half into place. It clamped down fimly
upon her shoulder with another hissing noise, the suddenly added weight
feeling slightly unbalancing. Forcing the thought out of her head, she
swung the rest of the weapon into place, her right hand closing around
the handle and trigger while her spare hand helped hold the weapon
aloft.
The familiar twin red targeting cursors popped up on her screen, and
Niobe smiled, watching as her display popped open a quick windowbox
showing the Angel's position. "Just like any other operation," she
said, tightening her fingers around the trigger and letting the cursors
move towards the center slowly, simply waiting for the flash of green
to pull and destroy her opponent. "I won't fail. I'll destroy this
one, the way that I should have handled the other Angels."
"Angel's AT Field is shifting!" shouted Makoto, lunging forward
slightly as the sudden activity of the beast snapped him out of the
momentary lull. "Pattern is still blue, but fluctuating! We're seeing
traces of a green pattern now, the same as the Evas!" He paused,
hitting a few more keys. "Energy buildup is detected, but it's not
consistent with our data on the S2 organ's energy projections - it
doesn't seem to be any kind of physical attack!"
Misato said nothing immediately, but her hands reached instinctively
towards the microphone, her thumb flipping the switch as the display
shifted to the shimmering form of the Angel. It had changed its
position slightly, the gigantic wings beginning to scissor closed as an
octagonal ripple appeared above what seemed to be its head, as though
something had struck it there. Then a flare of light came from the
same spot, and though Misato still didn't know exactly what the beast
was doing she knew that it couldn't be good. "Niobe! Change your
position immediately! Jettison the particle cannon if necessary!"
Niobe heard the words clearly, but she ignored them, shoving the
handles of her cockpit forward as she tried to pump more power into her
AT Field. "No point in moving," she said firmly, watching as her field
began to manifest despite the lack of anything striking her, the red
targeting cursors growing ever closer to the center of the display.
"Whatever it hits me with, EVA-05 can take it, and I've nearly gotten a
target lock on it. Just a couple of good shots and it won't matter any
more."
Distantly aware of the sound of Misato shouting in the background,
Niobe focused on moving her cannon in minute degrees, a glint of light
showing up on her display as she trained the cannon to immaculate
precision, cursors hovering a hair's breadth away from their magical
center position. The light in her display grew sharper, but she
ignored it and grinned widely as the cursors flashed green, her teeth
gritting shut tightly as she tensed her finger.
Just before the cannon lashed out with its projectiles, Niobe felt
something tickle at the back of her mind, just enough to slow her
reactions and keep her from slamming the trigger down quite far
enough. Then the tickle became a scrape, then a tear, then a horrific
scratching sensation against the back of her gray matter, an agonizing
neural mess that speared through her body in surges of electrical
agony. "NO!" she screamed, her body spasming as she forced herself to
pull down the trigger, vision blurred by the pain, unable to see the
cursors drifting away from their locked position.
"EVA-05 is firing!" shouted Makoto, his hands still dancing across the
keyboard at alarming speeds. "The trajectory is off by at least
fifteen degrees! She's firing wildly!" He paused, then hammered down
a few more keys, eyes flicking about the computer display behind his
thin-rimmed glasses. "There doesn't appear to be any damage to the
Angel! Only fifteen shots left inside the cannon!"
"Pilot is suffering from severe neural feedback! Something inside that
beam is transmitting directly on her mental frequency!" Maya's words
managed to sound even more urgent than Makoto's, her hands moving just
as quickly as the main screen popped up a few graphs. "There's not
much at the moment, but her pain receptors are being triggered at an
alarming rate! It's rendering her Eva's targeting systems useless!
Synch ratio down to 39% and dropping fast!"
"Cut off the neural links!" snapped Ritsuko, her eyes flicking only
briefly up to the main screen as the yellow golem writhed within the
column of light. "Activate emergency ejection system! Full buffering
power to the cockpit, sever all unnecessary systems!"
"Unsuccessful!" Maya replied, a thin film of sweat beginning to emerge
on her forehead as she frowned at the display. "We've lost all
immediate contact with the Eva - it's rejecting external impulses from
within!" The younger woman paused momentarily, punching in a different
sequence of keys, struggling to make the beast respond to her
commands. "Ego and Superego are beginning to form within the Eva!
It's reacting to the Angel!"
"Niobe!" shouted Misato, staring up at the machine as it thrashed
about, arms flailing and sending the particle cannon crashing into
buildings around it. There was no response from the radio, only a wall
of static as the Eva's head seemed to shift slightly, eyes beginning to
flare a bright yellow as its entire body arched back.
Within the cockpit, Niobe could feel the scratching sensation still
clawing away at her brain, but there was something else accompanying
it, a sort of whispering voice just beyond her reach. She couldn't
quite make out the words, but she could feel a sort of slime exuding
from it, and even without the benefit of hearing it clearly she knew
that she wanted nothing to do with it. "Get -away- from me!" she
screamed, raising the cannon again, trying to aim it without the
benefit of the vanished targeting cursors. "Leave my mind -ALONE-!"
Then something stabbed through Niobe's mind like a physical object, and
she screamed, clutching at her head as the agony tore through her. Her
focus on the Eva was in no way abated, however, and she distantly felt
the gigantic machine clutching its head as well, body rocking back and
forth as the lines between the two began to blur. "I've got to destroy
it," she hissed, her teeth gritted tightly as light shone into her
eyes. "Can't let it beat me. I have to be better than this."
"But you're not." The voice was clear now if not immediately placable,
a sort of odd harmony of voices speaking as one. "You know full well
that this is the best you could ever do. Rather pathetic, isn't it?
One little insult, and you fall to pieces completely -"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Niobe, her hands moving back towards the grip of
the particle cannon as she felt her body spasm from the mental agony.
Thrusting upwards with the particle cannon, the girl ignored the world
around her and let her finger slam down, watching as the glowing white
balls of energy hurled forth from the weapon and disappeared into the
air. "JUST DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!"
"Oh, silly Niobe, you can't kill me," hissed the voice, beginning to
sound oddly familiar. "You know that you can't kill me. You're not
good enough to even come close. A little failure like you? Don't make
me laugh, girl." There was a pause, then Niobe felt the scratching
beginning at the back of her mind again. "What is there that you don't
want to let yourself see, hmm?"
"NO!" The girl's shriek pierced the air of the control room, drawing
the attention of everyone even as the yellow machine writhed back and
forth, still smashing into the buildings around it heedlessly. "Leave
me alone! If you're going to kill me, do it, but don't leave me here
like this!"
"Particle cannon is out of ammunition," announced Makoto, his tone grim
as he stared up at the main screen. The Eva had released the cannon's
grip, grasping its head once again and leaning back further than seemed
physically possible for the yellow golem to do. "None of the shots hit
their target." He paused, briefly flicking to another display on his
own monitor. "The Angel isn't coming any closer, and it doesn't look
like it's having any difficulty maintaining the beam trained on Niobe.
Whatever it's doing, it's not going to stop."
"Damn it!" snapped Misato, slamming her fist down on Makoto's console
out of a need to hit something, not particularly caring if it unnerved
the young man. "We've got to have something else here that we can use
to hit it, something else with the range to at least see what the
beast's AT Field can take!" She paused, thumbing her chin, brow
furrowed in thought.
Gendou only flicked his eyes briefly down towards the lower level, then
trained his gaze back upon the thrashing Eva on the screen, watching as
it tore away part of a building in its spasms of agony. "This may be
it, Dr. Fuyutsuki," noted Gendou calmly, adjusting his glasses slightly
without bothering to look towards the elder man. "We may have found a
useful excuse in this Angel."
"SEELE won't like that," replied Kozou, a worried frown on his face.
He knew that he had other things to deal with, that he needed to focus
on the specifics of the operation against the Angel, but his mind was
filled with the thought that he had put the girl in the Eva, that it
was partially his work that allowed the Angel to place her through such
agony. "They'd argue that it wasn't worth the cost. They'll argue
that no matter how you decide to use the Lance."
"Exactly why this would be the best possible situation to utilize it,"
replied Gendou flatly, hands tented in front of his mouth, apparently
unaffected by the obvious pain on the screen. "We may be able to
convince them that we had no alternatives in this situation, to throw
further suspicion away from our true purpose. Even if not an optimal
situation, it may be the best we'll get."
Niobe could see the flames outside of her Eva, hear the screaming noise
of the crowd from that horrific night, feel her arms slowly shrinking
to the feeble stubs that she could remember from when she was younger.
"This isn't happening again," she hissed, forcing herself to maintain
her grip on reality, focusing on the harsh metal of the cockpit
handles, the flames flickering slightly as she closed her hands tightly
enough to send waves of pain upwards. "This isn't the truth. I'm in
Tokyo-3, in Japan, I'm sixteen..."
"You're right, you are sixteen," mocked the voice, the fire increasing
and threatening to engulf her Eva even as he struggled to regain
control. "Starting to like boys, aren't you? Going out with your
friends, partying, enjoying yourself?" The flames licked against her
display, and Niobe could feel a searing heat begin to spread through
her legs. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" screamed Niobe again, shutting her eyes tightly
and thrashing her body back and forth, distantly hearing loud crashes
as she looked down to see the legs of her plugsuit on fire. The pain
tore through her legs, and she gritted her teeth shut more tightly,
releasing the Eva's handrests and trying to slap the fire out, not even
bothering to wonder how fire could burn within the LCL. In an instant,
the flames vanished, and Niobe felt herself hurtling upwards, away from
her cockpit into a sea of LCL ringed by flames and darkness. "What are
you trying to do? Give me back my Eva!"
Another stabbing sensation tore through the girl's brain, and she
spasmed, her arms flailing for something to grab on to before she felt
her hand closing tightly around a shaft of glass. Opening her eyes,
she saw herself holding a wine glass, standing in the yard of her home
as seemingly thousands of people danced drunkenly. "This is what you'd
love, isn't it?" taunted the voice as flames began to emerge, Niobe
feeling hands begin to grab and paw her. "All the love of other
people, enjoyment, relaxing with the crowd. Giving yourself over to
the drunken tides of existence."
"That's not -true-!" screamed Niobe, lashing out and pushing away the
hands grabbing at her, her eyes darting about the yard for the door
into her house, only distantly seeing it rimmed by fire. Gritting her
teeth, she forced herself through the crowd with swift blows, feeling
sweat slicken along her body as she pushed through the masses of human
skin. "I don't want to have anything to do with other people! They
just distract me from the goal, keep me from achieving anything!"
"What about me?" asked the voice again, mockingly, echoing in Niobe's
ears as she flung herself through the door to her house. Before she
could do anything she felt another warm body fling itself on top of
her, sending her falling forward before she kicked off the unidentified
body. Snarling, she flicked her eyes back to the assailant, and her
eyes widened as she saw Ryo standing again, his skin whiter than she'd
ever seen it, only his loose pajama bottoms hanging around his waist.
"Don't you want to have something to do with me?"
"You're not Ryo!" snapped Niobe, moving swiftly away from the pale-
skinned boy as she felt the house growing hotter, flames beginning to
sprout around the room. The doors had vanished, leaving only her and
the odd apparition of Ryo standing there. "Ryo's different! He's as
focused on the goal as I am, trying to do his best! That's why I'm in
love with him, because he -helps- me focus!"
"Really? You still believe that?" The apparition of Ryo lunged
towards her, slamming her against the nearest wall and pressing his
pale body against hers, sweat mingling between the two as flames licked
about them. "This is what you want from him, isn't it? You want his
body, his touch, his contact." The apparition smiled. "You want a
relationship."
"But that's -different-!" Niobe tried to place her hands on the
apparition's chest as the flames began to sear through her plugsuit,
but Ryo pinned them against the wall, smiling all the more broadly as
the girl's clothes began to burn away. The flames weren't taking her
skin, but it made little difference as she felt the heat draw tighter,
her arms exposed to the licking flames. "I love him! He pushes me
forward!"
Her cheek stung as the figure of the boy slapped her hard, pulling
himself closer to her as sweat dripped down against her exposed skin.
"He holds you back," snarled the other, red eyes growing wider as the
face drew closer and closer to her own. "You've grown fixated on him,
Niobe Littmore. Too fixated. It's beyond a relationship." The smile
on the face grew wider, ice-cold lips touching against Niobe's.
"You're obsessed."
"Destrado impulse beginning to manifest within the pilot!" shouted
Maya, her fingers racing across the keyboard, sweat glistening along
her skin as her terror grew. "Synch ratio down to 17% and falling!
Niobe's completely out of control! All commands to the Eva unit are
failing to connect!"
Misato forced herself to take a deep breath, watching the side of the
main screen devoted to Niobe's spastic Eva, then flicking her eyes back
towards the other half of the screen. Eiko's Eva had propped the
sniper rifle against one of the buildings, cradling the weapon as
though she'd been using it since the day she was born, the Eva's head
moving slightly as Eiko glanced at the sky and then at EVA-05 in steady
patterns. "Eiko, have you gotten a target lock yet?"
"Not yet," replied the girl, her voice sounding terrified as EVA-04's
hands shifted slightly on her weapon, the barrel trembling slightly.
Within the cockpit, she could feel every minor motion of the
transparent LCL about her, her eyes flicking across her display even as
she watched the red targeting cursors draw ever closer to the center.
"It's kind of ironic, though, me using the sniper rifle now, after the
first operation I ever had."
"Irony later. There's an Angel that needs to be destroyed now."
Misato's voice was obviously tense, and Eiko couldn't help but
sympathize as she felt her eyes drawn back to the flailing yellow
machine in front of her. She had no way of defending against the Angel
if it decided to attack her, and the knowledge terrified her,
especially in light of the damage wrought upon her machine against the
Fourteenth Angel.
Taking a deep breath, Eiko forced herself to keep her eyes focused on
the targeting cursors, her finger twitching slightly against the
trigger as she watched Niobe flail about. "It's just like in
deathmatch," she hissed, her breath coming more slowly as she watched
the cursors move closer to the center, the thought of video games
calming her nerves slightly. "Vash takes point, you take backup, just
go for the headshot..."
Eiko nearly jumped at the quiet sound of the beep of the curors hitting
center, but it only lasted for a second before she slammed down on the
trigger, letting the blue-white beam of energy lash out towards the
heavens, towards the source of Niobe's agony. "Direct hit!" shouted
Eiko, her hands clenching around the handrests instinctively. "Is it
dead yet!"
Makoto's fingers keyed in a quick sequence, and the main screen was
replaced by an image of the bird-like Angel, the spindly almost-wings
of the beast spreading once again as the beam from the sniper rifle
shot towards the beast. It made no effort to move, and the beam
slammed into its AT Field harmlessly, the octagons surging outwards and
disspating the attack. "Too much energy lost in the passage from the
surface," Makoto announced reluctantly. "And that's all the energy
that we can muster for the rifle from the power grid - there simply
isn't any more available."
"God," moaned Misato, slumping forward slightly and resting her head in
her hands for just a moment, her entire body seeming to bend for just a
moment. Staring at the other woman, Ritsuko couldn't help but feel
sympathetic for Misato, knowing the burden that she had to be under.
"We've got to get her out of there. We've got to have -something-
capable of piercing that thing's AT Field."
Inside the Eva, Niobe could feel her reflexes slowing as her vision
grew more hazy, her body spasming once out of biological pleasure even
as her mind rolled with agony. "Stop it," she hissed, the Eva's
movements seeming distant as it thrashed about, the world beginning to
fade into an indistinct blur. "You're wrong. I'm not obsessed. I'm
not. -I'm- -not-!"
"Who are you trying to convince, Niobe?" mocked the voice, coming at
her from all angles as her vision blurred to nothingness. "You know
your obsession like the back of your hand. You know the nights you've
dreamt of his naked body lying against yours, the times you've tried to
sneak in a hug or a kiss..." The voice paused, and even though Niobe
could see nothing but black she could feel the grin. "The way that
you've reacted every time he's spurned you."
"He hasn't spurned me!" screamed Niobe, her hands flying to the sides
of her head instinctively as her body thrashed back and forth. The
physical agony had been bad enough, but it seemed as though the
situation was only getting worse, that the torment it seemed to want
her to go through was infinitely worse than simple pain. "He's been
testing me, making sure that he can rely upon me! He loves me the way
that I love him."
"Silly girl, don't you realize it?" snapped the voice, a leg clad in
the yellow surface of a plugsuit appearing before Niobe's eyes.
Looking up, she expected to see her own face, and gaped as she saw
Nieve standing before her, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Ryo
doesn't love you any more than he loves me. He's not -capable- of
loving -anybody-. The only one in love is you, and you're not even in
love, just infatuated." The voice paused for a moment, and Nieve began
to smile. "Besides, he wouldn't want you even if he was capable of
loving somebody. You're -ugly-."
"That's not TRUE!" screamed Niobe, lurching to her feet and letting her
hands close tightly around Nieve's neck, certain that she was
hallucinating, praying to God that she was hurting the Angel in some
way. "I'm beautiful! I know that! Everyone always told me that I was
a beautiful girl, that -"
"Lies," replied the Nieve-thing, her grin beginning to spread too far
for her face to have realistically contained it, apparently unaffected
by the other girl's tight grip around her neck. "There's nothing
attractive about you, Niobe, especially for Ryo. You're too thin, too
athletic, and without your hair you look ridiculous." The voice
paused, then Nieve's arms reached up and pulled the girl's face closer,
the grin continuing to spread to impossible width. "And you're not
even the same race as Ryo. You're -black-."
Niobe's eyes widened even further, and she released Nieve's neck for
just a moment before she let her fists slam into the center of the
girl's throat, sending both of them falling to the nonexistent floor
with a wet thud. Distantly aware of the apartment slowly fading into
view around her, Niobe ignored it, slamming her fists into Nieve's
throat, her eyes, her nose, whatever she could reach. "That doesn't
have anything to do with it!" she screamed, flailing even as she felt
another spike of pain beginning to drive through the back of her mind.
"People are people! He loves me!"
"I hate you." The quiet noise of Ryo's voice finally stopped Niobe,
and she found herself looking down at his face instead of Nieve's,
wearing his school uniform instead of a plugsuit, his face battered and
bruised. Niobe recoiled in shock, and Ryo pushed her off roughly,
slowly drawing himself up to her full height. "I hate you, Niobe.
Your appearance disgusts me. You're a failure, and you always have
been." There was a pause, then Ryo smiled sinisterly. "Stupid little
black girl, think you're better than the rest of us?"
Memories of her grade school began to flood back into Niobe's mind, and
she staggered backwards, another jab of pain pushing through her body.
"No," she hissed, unable to articulate herself any more elegantly, her
hands clenching and relaxing in slow rythyms. "This isn't real. This
isn't real. I'm not a failure. I'm not a failure."
"Of course you are, idiot," offered another voice, and Niobe whirled
her head about to see Neil standing nearby, arms folded across his
chest. "You're a disgrace. Thinking that you're the best pilot, after
everything that -I- did? I destroyed the Fourteenth, the Thirteenth,
all the Angels that you couldn't even touch. You're a disgrace
compared to me, just a weak little black girl that thinks she's better
than she really is."
"You can't blame her, though," mocked another voice, this one coming
from a clone of Nieve leaning off of Ryo's shoulder, her position
implying the obvious. "After all, she's just some weak, scared little
girl trying to make it in the outside world. She's got to pretend that
she's the best, or nobody's going to notice her, are they?"
"Do you hate us for what we are?" asked Eiko, wrapping her arms tightly
around Niobe before she even realized that the other girl was there,
her head nuzzling hard against Niobe even as her nails dug into the
plugsuit. "Because we're not you. This is our world, isn't it? We're
the ones who make these buildings, erect these walls, and all you can
do is try to be noticed as one of us."
"Why bother with her?" mocked Vash, appearing out of thin air and
leaning casually against a wall, a contemptuous smile on his face as he
stared at the girl. "After all, she's just an imitation. She has
nothing of substance to offer anybody. Dancing to our music, using our
piloting techniques, trying to be something that anyone can see that
she isn't." The boy shoved off from the wall, clenching his fists as
his features seemed to go liquid. "Copies are never as good as the
original. Don't you think so?"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Niobe, tearing free of Eiko's grasp and
shoving the girl away from her. None of the other Children seemed
affected, and as Niobe ran towards the kitchen they simply followed her
slowly. Her heart was racing as pain stabbed through her head, feet
slipping against the floor of the apartment as she ran towards the
door, struggling to free herself from the nightmare around her.
Then the door swung open, and she could see herself standing before
her, sickly thin, hair a unevenly chopped mess, eyes sunken and
bloodshot but wide open. "Mockery," hissed the double, taking a step
towards Niobe even as the girl glanced behind her. The Children were
slowly shifting to more nightmarish copies, smiles wide across their
faces as flames began to lick around the walls of the apartment. "You
destroyed yourself and you still weren't good enough. You never even
had a chance, did you?"
Her lungs swallowed a bloody gasp of smoke, and Niobe stumbled her way
into the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as she staggered away
from the doubles. Glancing to one side, her eyes went wide as she saw
her reflection, saw her form slowly changing to match that of the
doubles crowding about her, her eyes receding even as the plugsuit
began to hang more loosely about her. "No," she gaped, grasping the
handle of the nearest drawer and yanking it open, letting her hand
grope around for just a moment before it closed up what she wanted.
"No, I'm not a failure! I'm NOT!"
A knife glinted in the firelight as the doubles approached, and Niobe
brandished it for only a second before moving towards the nearest
mockery, the blade down and prepared for stabbing, her motions
practiced and smooth. Then the double simply wove aside and slammed
the girl down, sending her skidding down on the tile of the floor with
a sharp bite of pain through her body. "Worthless," snarled the
double, yanking the knife from her hand and stabbing it into Niobe's
midsection, provoking a howl of pain.
Blood was beginning to bubble up from her lips, a frothy red foam about
her lips as she felt her suit going more limp, her body shrinking into
a nearly skeletal form. "You're an embarassment," cooed the double,
lying atop Niobe and drawing the girl close, a sinister smile across
its face. "Never had even the slightest chance of victory, and you
knew it. YOU KNEW IT ALL ALONG."
"Neural interference has passed all safety barriers! Destrado at
fifteenth level and rising! The Eva's mental pathways are attempting a
connection with the pilot!" Maya's voice was panicked as she hammered
across the keyboard, struggling desperately to try and make the yellow
golem respond to some kind of command, to bring it under some sort of
control. "No positive response signals coming! Synchronization is
holding steady at 10%, but the nerve pulses are beginning to flow
backwards!"
Gendou Ikari simply stared, the only change to his expression the small
wrinkle at the corner of his mouth that might have generously been
called a smile. "We posses only one weapon that could possibly pierce
the Angel's AT Field from this range," he intoned, his voice oddly
sinister as he rose to his feet, eyes never deviating from the main
screen. "Instrument of the Second Impact... the Lance of Longinus."
"Sir, you can't be serious!" shouted Misato, her panic evident as
Ritsuko's eyes widened. It was suddenly clear to her exactly what the
commander was planning to do, and as she watched Misato's reaction she
truly understood for the first time exactly how little her friend
knew. "Using the Lance could trigger the Third Impact! There's too
much risk involved!"
"Wait!" Neil's voice cut through the air sharply, snapping the entire
control room to attention and erasing the mildest traces of a smile
from Gendou's mouth. "I just thought of something. The problem with
the sniper rifle was the fact that it didn't have enough power to
pierce the Angel's AT Field, right? What if we could provide enough
power to it?"
"That's impossible," snapped Gendou, distantly aware that his tone was
too sharp for the situation, that he was letting the barest traces of
his true desires show through despite himself. "We've tapped all the
available power, and even if we drained all of the power from the
Japanese system it would be insufficient. We lack a power source to
generate sufficient energy for -"
"My Eva." Neil's tone was equally sharp, provoking an almost
unnoticable reaction from the commander. "The S2 organ produces
effectively unlimited power, right? We could use my Eva as a power
generator, to flood enough energy into the rifle for it to break
through the Angel's AT Field!" He paused, his tone leaving little
doubt that he only liked the plan better than the more risky
alternative by a slim margin. "Would it work?"
A momentary silence filled the room, and Gendou was distantly aware of
Fuyutsuki stepping next to him, the elder man's eyes flicking about the
room as though afraid of any listeners. "This might be our only chance
to dispose of the lance," offered Kozou, leaning slightly towards
Gendou's ear. "SEELE will be suspicious, but if you tell the boy his
plan won't work we could dispose of it now."
"Unacceptable. They would know that we were attempting to do away with
it." Gendou cleared his throat more loudly, then adjusted his glasses
and nodded curtly. "Very well. Deploy EVA-01 to the surface, and
prepare the sniper rifle for another shot." The commander hesitated,
then leaned back and sat in his chair once again, hands tented in front
of his face, no visible sign of a break in his confidence.
Ritsuko had no way of knowing for certain if she was correct about
Gendou's ultimate plan, but she had little doubt that Neil had thrown
it off at least slightly, her eyes watching as the purple golem raced
up the launch shaft on the main screen. "We're going to need to be
creative for this to work," noted Ritsuko, glancing briefly towards
Maya, receiving a quick nod. "If Neil injects power directly into the
rifle, it probably won't be able to take the stress. The primary power
coupling is attached to a subgenerator, though - that could serve as an
access port."
"Fine," replied Misato, sounding as though she was exhausted, turning
towards Maya swiftly and not even bothering to glance at Ritsuko.
"Maya, how's Niobe doing?"
"Not good," replied Maya, her voice growing less panicked but more
grim, hands moving deftly across the keyboard. "Her neural activity
has taken a sharp downturn, and the pulse from the Eva has nearly
ceased to activate at all. I still can't get the ejection system to
work - the Eva's mechanics are shutting down slowly, and life support
might be on that list. We'll have one shot at this, nothing more."
His hands clenched tightly around the handrests of his Eva, Neil could
hear none of the conversation within the control center, could only
feel his machine shudded slightly as it raced towards the surface, the
rage of the Eva seeming to whisper at the back of his mind. "Can't
lose control now," he muttered to himself, forcing the handrests
forward as her heard the mechanical noise of the hatch opening above
him, machine lurching to a stop as Neil slowly took in the scene around
him. EVA-05 had finally ceased its thrashing, now leaning on the
particle cannon as though it was a cane, the golem's eyes still shining
a brilliant yellow. Eiko hadn't moved an inch, her machine simply
waiting for the chance for another shot, eyes looking towards the sky.
"All right, how do I hook up with this thing?"
"Follow the cord from the sniper rifle. It's hooked up to a
generator." Neil nodded even though he knew that the command center
couldn't see the gesture, and quickly traced his eyes along the length
of the cord, finally letting his gaze rest upon a squat green structure
that the power supply was trailing out of. "You're going to have to
use the organ to inject power directly into the generator. But it's
probably going to be enough to burn the generator out entirely, so
you're not going to have a second chance. And..."
"You can't tell me how to do it. I guessed that part." Biting his
lower lip gently, Neil knelt his machine beside the generator, then
took a deep breath and rested his hands upon it gently, trying to
extend his mind further back into the Eva's. "Come on," he coaxed,
remembering the first time that he'd managed to activate his AT Field,
certain that the procedure would be at least similar. "Just do this,
and then I'll leave you alone."
There was no response from the Eva, only a vague tickling sensation
along Neil's arms, and frowning he glanced to one side, watching the
body of Niobe's Eva slump against the cannon more and more with each
passing second, as though the golem's muscles were giving out. "Come
on, don't give out on me now," he snarled, forcing the handrests
forward, focusing on the Eva's body as fists tightened. "You've seen
the Angels do it plenty of times before now, you can certainly do it
yourself just this once..."
A brief feeling of sparks came from Neil's arms, and he found himself
wondering what the sensation was for just a moment before fire erupted
along his arms, the sudden shock of pain sending him lurching back
inside of his cockpit. The generator beneath him began to pulse with
energy, the Eva's hands glowing a bright white as energy flooded forth,
Neil trying to force himself not to panic as pain rippled up and down
his arms. "How's that?" he gasped, his fists tightening instinctively
from the sheer pain of the effort.
"Generator power at 172% of capacity," offered Makoto, his eyes
flicking back and forth between the sight of EVA-01's efforts and the
display in front of him. "No distinct reaction from the Angel - it's
maintaining its position." He paused, then glanced up at EVA-01 once
again, hands hesitating over the keyboard. "I didn't know that the S2
organ would let it manifest energy like..."
"Like the Angels?" offered Misato, leaning over and flicking on the
microphone, only letting her gaze deviate from the main screen for a
second to catch a quick nod from the young man. "I didn't, either."
She paused, then leaned into the microphone, the main screen's display
switching to EVA-04 with the sniper rifle pointed to the heavens.
"Eiko, you're going to need a target lock quickly. The generator won't
be able to handle that much power for very long."
Eiko didn't reply, instead focusing on the cursors on her screen, her
hands tight around the handrests, her mind distantly aware of EVA-05
beginning to move again slightly. "I've got to destroy it," she
hissed, her eyes narrowing to slits as the cursors hovered an almost
imperceptible distance apart. "Just let the targeting boxes line up
and pull the trigger." She waited, breathing hard, finger twitching
against the trigger of the rifle, her eyes trained closely enough to
see the exact second that the target indicator flashed green.
Neil remembered the time that he had fired the sniper rifle, but he was
certain that the sensation of the weapon's discharge couldn't compare
to the massive corona of energy that lashed out from the weapon towards
the sky, a blue-white ray that seemed to stretch on forever. It would
have been beautiful to observe except for the pain ripping through his
arms and beginning to spread through his body, the hissing voice of the
Eva still echoing in his ears. "Is it dead yet?" he asked, fists
clenching tighter.
On the main screen, everyone in the command center could see the spear
of light jabbing up from the atmosphere, pushing away clouds from the
surface of the Earth as it shot towards the Angel. If the winged beast
noticed, it made no effort to dodge, but reacted visible as the beam
struck the Angel's AT Field, the octagonal ripples surging outwards
from the point of contact even as the beam began to push the field
inward ever so slightly. "It's not enough," announced Makoto after a
moment, a few quick keypresses bringing up a new display on his
monitor. "We're still going to need more power to break through the
field - there's a lot of dissipation at this range."
Though he couldn't hear the conversation inside the command center,
Neil knew that something had to be wrong simply from the fact that he
hadn't been told to stop, that Eiko was still training the massive beam
of energy towards the sky. "Come on, damn it, die," he hissed, the
pain spreading throughout his body as he pushed even harder than he'd
dared before, eyes blurring with agony. "Just a little bit more... I
know you've got it in you..."
Without warning, Neil felt his body pitch forward as he coughed blood,
a red mist that soaked through the LCL as his body began to go numb
from pain. He was distantly aware of the noise of his Eva's fingers
crunching through the generator beneath him as white light flashed out
side of him, a dizzy feeling passing through his head at the thought of
having just hacked blood into the LCL around him. Coughing again, the
taste of blood in his mouth grew stronger, but the pain seemed to be
bleeding away, only a distant warmth rippling along his arms.
"Please," he hissed, lacking further words as he pushed the handrests
as far forward as the metal would allow.
EVA-01 applied still more pressure to the generator as its hands
cracked through the casing, energy flaring along the length of its
arms, pouring into the rifle as the beam it produced grew even wider.
The Angel on the main screen seemed to finally grow afraid of the
attack as the surge of power rippled along the beam's length, but it
was too late to do anything about it as the beam tore through the AT
Field, plunging clear through the beast's body. It spasmed once, the
beam of light that it had struck Niobe with disappearing into
nothingness, then its body darkened and seemed to dissolve, rifle beam
still firing off even as it withered away. "Fifteenth Angel
destroyed," announced Misato over the radio, her relief more than
audible. "Check on EVA-05."
Both machines began to move towards the yellow golem, Neil moving
slightly more slowly as Eiko helped him to his feet. There was no
twitch of movement from the other machine, its body slumped limply
against the gleaming white particle cannon, the setting sun casting it
into an odd shade. Within the cockpit lay Niobe, here eyes wide and
body limp, the only sign of any motion from her the tight grip of her
hands around the metal handrests and the half-open position of her
mouth.
]++[
Fluorescent lighting bled away the surface of the white hallways,
soaking into the white coats of the doctors crowding the chambers,
seeming to perfectly the icy stares that hit Ryo as he slowly walked
towards his destination. It had been quite some time since he'd been
forced to return to the hospital, something that he'd had to do only
briefly after the attack of the Fourteenth to ensure that he hadn't
suffered any permanent injuries. He could still remember sitting and
waiting within his single and lonely room after the devestating
activation of EVA-00, though, could still hear the steady and
permeating buzz of the fluorescent light, the numb hours marching away
into nothingness.
At the time, it had meant nothing to him, a simple necessity of the
situation, nothing to be worked up about. He couldn't recover that
sensation despite his efforts, couldn't help but feel some vague urging
away from the hospital room, a thought pattern as perplexing as any of
those rattling about in his head. It had never been easy for him to
undersatnd emotions, but as he slowly moved through the sterilized
corridors into the neurology ward of NERV's internal hospital, he
couldn't help but baffle at the things that were emerging slowly in his
mind, emotions that he had no names or precedents for, a conflicting
series of instructions that threatened the very foundations of his
routine.
Somehow, it didn't scare him, even though he was beginning to
understand the emotion that could only be referred to as fear, the same
uneasy break in routine that he had managed to identify from his
encounter with Nieve. The death of routine seemed to be the least of
his worries, the least frightening of the specters that loomed about
his head as he trudged towards his destination, at once dreading and
anticipating the encounter he knew that he would undergo.
"502." The words felt empty as he stood in front of the sliding door
the same soul-numbing white as the rest of the building, numbers carved
on a plastic plate to one side. The sensations bleeding through his
body were nameless to him, and as he stepped forward he could only let
them wash over his thoughts, unable to even attempt to pick out the
individual emotions and try to classify them.
Beeps filled the room, steady like a metronome, flashing devices wired
to Niobe's skin with small white pads. She was dressed in a bland blue
blouse and pants, lying limply atop her white sheets, eyes staring
towards the ceiling at nothing, her chocolate skin seemingly the only
splash of color against the white around her. As Ryo stepped over, he
could see that the light had gone out of her eyes, that all that
remained was the vaguest hints of the sparkling blue that he'd grown
accustomed to and barely even noticed himself expecting.
"Niobe," he said, his voice trembling from something that he didn't
understand as his red eyes flicked across the girl's body, arms hanging
limply at his side. "We destroyed the Fifteenth, Niobe. We did
everything that we could to try and destroy it before it hurt you too
badly, before it did anything like this to you." He paused, wishing
that there was something better to say, the mere concept of desire
feeling strangely alien to him. "Obviously, we weren't fast enough."
The girl remained silent, and Ryo stared for a moment, briefly
considering the routine that he was supposed to undergo before ignoring
it. There was a lone chair propped up against a wall, and he stepped
lightly over to it, pulling it up to the side of Niobe's bed, sitting
in it rather woodenly as he stared down at her. "I was only supposed
to come down to see what had happened to you," he explained, fully
aware that the girl couldn't hear him. "But I don't think I'm going to
leave just yet."
Sighing, Ryo tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling along with
the girl, his memories casting him back to the activation of his own
Eva once again. "They don't know exactly what the Angel did to you,"
he offered, words quiet, almost drowned by the humming of the
fluorescent light. "You suffered from catastrophic levels of neural
feedback, enough to kill a fully-grown woman at the height of her
health." He paused. "But you didn't die. They don't know if you'll
ever snap out of your trance, if you'll ever be able to even speak to
another human being again, but you lived through it."
A beep issued forth from one of the machines, and Ryo found himself
leaning towards Niobe, his hands resting upon his knees. "You were
amazing, Niobe. Even without destroying the Angel, you were simply
amazing. Anyone else would have died out there, but you... you even
stayed synchronized with your Eva the whole time, even after you should
have been completely unconscious." His lower lip trembled slightly,
the words seeming to catch in his throat. "You never lost sight of the
goal, never wavered for so much as a second. You... you just kept
trying, certain that you could win if you just tried hard enough."
Niobe's chocolate skin seemed inexplicably inviting to Ryo for reasons
that he couldn't explain, her hands lying open as if waiting for
something to take them. Ryo hesitated for a second, then placed his
hand in hers, clasping both hands around hers, feeling the warmth seep
from her skin into his, the dark skin contrasting against his own
paleness. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he whispered, taking a deep breath,
staring at the girl, wanting her to move, to react in some fashion.
Thoughts ran through Ryo's head of what had passed between the two of
them since they had met, all of their conversations, the times that she
had been angry with him and the times that she had wanted to talk with
him. Biting his lower lip, he simply stared for a moment before he
felt the slightest droplet of moisture splatter against his hand,
enough to make him look down, the small traces of water glistening in
the fluorescent light. "Am I... crying?" he asked, the sensation
flooding through his body unfamiliar and far from pleasant. "Am I
crying?"
More tears splattered down against Ryo's hand, his vision blurring
slightly as he looked up towards the girl's face again, the empty stare
that seemed less like the girl he remembered and more like a mask of
sadness. "Yes," he whispered, slowly beginning to realize the emotions
tumbling about within his chest. "I'm crying. This is... this is
sorrow."
Choking a sob, Ryo felt what seemed to be a floodgate open within his
chest, and a horrific pain that had nothing to do with physical agony
tore into him as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he
sobbed, tears streaming from his eyes and dampening the bed as he
clutched the girl's hand more tightly, his body trembling for reasons
that he couldn't understand, breath coming more slowly as he slowly
opened his eyes again. "God, Niobe, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm
sorry!"
Ryo's hands released the girl's hand, and in desperation he embraced
her, his arms gripping her tightly as he sobbed against her stomach,
the gentle warmth of her body only aggravating the sadness racing
through his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he gasped, shaking his
head as his hands stroked her back. "I didn't want to hurt you, Niobe,
I just didn't know. I didn't understand. Oh, God, I was trying to
understand, I just couldn't, I wanted to, I didn't want to make this
happen!" His sobs grew in intensity, the chair slipping out from
beneath him and leaving him leaning over the bed, body broken.
"Please, Niobe, say something," he gasped, eyes buried against the
girl's skin, his mind recalling every moment that he'd seen her up
close, the beautiful curves of her body, the realization of her
feelings only compounding his sorrow. "You didn't have to prove
yourself to me, to anybody. Not to me of all people. I..." He
choked, body shuddering violently as he tried to pull the girl closer.
"I'm just a tool. I'm no better than an Eva unit, for never noticing
the wonderful girl that I was hurting, for the way that you wanted me,
for all the horrible things I... I..."
The boy's voice trailed off into sobs, back bent and body defeated as
he leaned against Niobe, wailing into the nothingness of the white
walls around him, his fingers digging into the girl's back. He could
only feel the horrible pain that encompassed his heart, wishing that he
had been smarter, that he had never been brought into the world to hurt
the girl. She simply lay motionless, unaware of the boy that was
crying for the first time in his life against her body, eyes staring
sightless into a world filled with her imaginary failures.
]++[
It had, all things considered, been a trying week for Gendou Ikari, but
he had long ago taught himself not to be held back by minor details, to
push on no matter the tragedy. It was a skill he had learned when he
had first lost Yui, something he'd learned well enough to only barely
react to losing his son. The atrocity witnessed on Niobe was a
tragedy, a fact that more than registered in his mind, but as the
holographic monoliths of SEELE appeared around him he forced himself to
focus on the task at hand, reminding himsefl that sacrifices
occasionally had to be made.
"Fifteen seals on the Chamber of Gaf have been broken," intoned the
harsh voice of Keel, chairman of the group, the only one whose face
Gendou could see without the benefit of any aid. "This was a far more
impressive run than the previous Angels, Ikari. Destroyed without the
destruction of any Eva units."
"A worrisome matter, however, the fate of EVA-05's pilot," offered
another one of the monoliths, this with the same universally aged voice
of the SEELE constituents. "EVA-07 arrives in Tokyo-3 soon, and we
find ourselves short of one useful pilot. Have you at all prepared for
this eventuality?"
"Unnecessary," replied Gendou, inwardly pleased at the fact that his
minor failure of the day had wound up being beneficial, diverting
attention away from his own activities. "EVA-05 has a pilot awaiting -
the Second will prove to be a suitable replacement, should the need
arise for the Eva's deployment again. As for EVA-07..." He hesitated
briefly, taking just the slightest moment to let the members mull over
what he was going to suggest. "I was going to bring in the Seventh."
There was a momentary pause, the barest of murmurs rippling through the
darkened air of the room, Gendou managing to surpress the smile that
nearly flooded across his lips. "You are treading on dangerous ground,
Ikari," spoke Keel at length, voice echoing throught the chamber. "You
know full well of our objections to the alleged Seventh Child,
especially in light of the circumstances surrounding the designation."
"Only two seals remain, and we are in need of pilots. There is little
space to be fussy about details at the moment." He paused, pushing his
glasses further up his nose, confident that there was little SEELE
could do to aggravate this portion of his plan. "More to the point,
the Child has been designated and proven acceptable for the task of
piloting the Eva unit. We will need all of the pilots to ultimately
achieve our goal - without the Sixth, there is a gap in our sequence
that can only be repaired in one fashion."
"You may utilize the Seventh freely, Ikari," replied one of the hateful
old voices hidden by the holographic monolith. "Simply understand that
it draws scrutiny towards your actions." There was a pause. "But you
tell us that you have nothing to be suspicious of. So there should be
no difficulty with a closer look at the workings of your organization,
should there?"
"And there is none," replied Gendou, knowing full well that the SEELE
members were struggling to make him sweat, to make him give in to their
pressures and expose himself. He had expected no less, and he took
some small pleasure in giving them nothing to cling to or look further
into. "I will bring in the Seventh within one week's time, before the
arrival of EVA-07. If you have any further questions about the
deployment, feel free to ask me at the time."
"We have more questions for you -now-," rumbled Keel, obviously aware
of what Gendou was doing. The eldest man had always been the smartest
of SEELE's members, something that Gendou respected as much as he
respected the group's power. "We are aware that during the engagement
with the Fifteenth Angel, you discussed using the Lance of Longinus to
destroy the Angel." There was a pause. "Would you care to explain
yourself?"
"There is little to explain," replied Gendou calmly. "The Angel was
out of range of all but two of our weapons. One weapon was
inaccessible and out of ammunition due to EVA-05's condition, and one
was unable to generate sufficient power to pierce the Angel's AT
Field. There was only one piece of our arsenal that seemed as though
it could satisfy the needs of the situation, until the Third suggested
an alternative course of action." He paused. "An alternative only
made possible by the fact that his Eva unit possesses an S2 organ."
"Ofuscation is not appreciated at the moment," offered another one of
SEELE's members, the tone almost amused, the first one of the member
voices that Gendou could remember being the slightest bit worried by.
It implied to him that SEELE knew more than he thought they did, that
he was walking on more tenuous ground than he'd expected, something
that nearly provoked a reaction from him. "You had been ready to use
the Lance, despite how critical it is to our designs. How would we
have retrieved it from orbit after the destruction of the Fifteenth?"
"Unless the Angels are destroyed, we stand no hope of ever opening the
Chamber of Gaf, Lance or no Lance," replied Gendou firmly, adjusting
his glasses once more. "I was in no way enamoured with the thought of
utilizing the Lance, but there were no alternatives open when I
suggested it." He paused, letting his words sink in. "But EVA-01
provided a viable alternative, leaving the matter irrelevant. The
Lance remains within Central Dogma, along with Her body."
"Do not attempt to cross us, Ikari," warned Keel's voice, the monoliths
surrounding Gendou slowly fading into nothingness. "We have waited too
long and placed too much effort into this project to relinquish it
without a fight. If you move too far, we will strike you down, have no
doubt."
Gendou simply stared at the monoliths before him until they faded away
to nothingness, letting the darkness slowly encircle the room until
their was nothing else remaining besides the pool of light that he sat
in. He could still feel a vague tension in the back of his head,
brought on in no small part by the amusement of the SEELE members, as
though his pretensions of keeping secrets from them was nothing but his
own deluded fantasy. Forcing a sigh, he pushed back in his seat and
stood, letting his arms hand loosely to his sides and turning towards
the door.
As he'd grown to expect, the door had already slid open before he was
halfway across the room, the silhouette of the familiar girl standing
in front of him. "You were unable to dispose of the Lance," she said,
her words offering no pretense of being anything but bare facts, light
flitting through her thin hair. "Dr. Fuyutsuki has mentioned that we
may have no further chances to remove the Lance from the equation, that
we may be left with the lance in the equation no matter our efforts."
"It certainly appears that way at the moment," replied Gendou, only
slightly unnerved by the girl's presence as he stepped towards her.
"But we need not worry too greatly about the continued presence of the
artifact. Even if it does remain within our possession, our project
should be close enough to completion so that we will be prepared to
complete it before SEELE has a chance to complete their own goals."
The girl simply nodded, waiting for Gendou to step out of the room and
past her before following behind him, her eyes focused on him as they
stepped towards the elevator. "What of Ryo?" she asked, her voice flat
as fluorescent lights traced across their bodies, the lighting thinner
due simply to how low in the structure the corridors were. "Well he be
departing to take his place soon?"
"Ryo has proven unsuitable," replied Gendou flatly, the barest note of
regret creeping in to his voice as they walked slowly towards the end
of the hallway. "There is too high a risk associated with his soul,
too much contamination from his exposure." He paused for an instant,
letting himself think on what might have caused the change in the boy,
having only the slightest suspicions. "We have prepared an
alternative, and he will be deployed for the project instead. It is
regrettable, but there are no alternatives."
"Of course," she replied, standing a few feet behind Gendou as he
pressed the button for the elevator, her body rigid. "You did,
however, have to remove the Sixth from the equation. Without her,
SEELE may be able to succesfully -"
"We will simply have to assure that they cannot complete the sequence,"
replied Gendou, his voice slightly tense as the elevator doors dinged
open. "If we destroy the next two Angels before they are able to
prepare their own devices... we may be able to jump ahead of them, to
allow humanity's ascension before they can proceed with their own
degradation." He paused, glancing only briefly towards the girl's red
eyes before hitting the button for the elevator to send them lower in
the structure. "It is a difficult burden to bear, certainly. But
somebody must save us."
]++[
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but
that's more than I know.
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.
NEXT EPISODE:
Strung along for years on end.
Strung out and lowered in dignity.
Strung across the arms of a cross.
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 22: CRUCIFIX OF HEARTS
"If we can't take care of six teenagers, how the hell can we be
expected to take care of the entire planet?"
]++[
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.
Electronic Transcendence Productions:
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.
Rants:
presents
]+ NEON EPOCH +[
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[
]+ EPISODE 21: BROKEN HALOS +[
By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre
Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX
]++[
The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness. The
Lord delivered you into my hands today, but I would not lay a hand on
the Lord's annointed.
- 1 SAMUEL 26:23
]++[
[ 2007 ]
The entire world outside was filled with fire, a concept that would
have fascinated Niobe far more if she wasn't painfully aware of how
distressed her mother was. "Your father should have been home by now,"
the elder woman said, wringing her hands, glancing anxiously out the
window of the house as a resounding shout seemed to shake the building
to the bottom layers of its foundations. "He shouldn't be out in
this." Niobe, for her part, didn't know what was wrong in being
outside at the moment - it looked like everyone was having lots of fun,
shouting and jumping and waving candles and torches around. Her mother
seemed to think differently, a confusing concept for a girl not quite
seven years old.
"Where are you, Joseph?" muttered her mother, the words obviously not
intended to hit Niobe's ears. It was enough to provoke the young girl
to move away from the window, however, walking slowly towards her
mother as the elder woman stared into nothingness nervously. Her ebon
hair was trailing down behind the back of the chair she sat at, the
lines of her face thrown into stark relief by the light shining from
the lamp in one corner of the room. "You have a wife and daughter now,
you old fool, don't try to be a hero, not today, please..."
A shattering noise filled the air, and both mother and daughter whipped
their heads around to stare at the window, the world seeming to move in
slow motion as the dull-red brick flew through the field of glistening
glass shards and impacted hard against the wooden floor. "Jesus
Christ," gasped Niobe's mother, grabbing the young girl and yanking her
away from the window, pulling her close enough for it to almost hurt.
"Niobe, thank God that you came over. Stay near mommy right now, okay?"
"Mommy, what's going on?" asked Niobe, beginning to understand why her
mother had been so worried, doubting that she wanted to have anything
to do with a group of people throwing bricks through windows. "It
looks like all those people are having a party or something, but why
are they throwing bricks at us?"
"Oh, God, Niobe, I wish that you didn't have to deal with this," sighed
the woman, slowly rubbing her dauther's head, a sure sign that she
didn't intend to answer Niobe's question. "You'll understand more when
you're older, but you shouldn't have to understand any of this, not in
this day and age." The woman sighed, looking towards the other windows
nervously. "Where in the world is your father? For that matter, where
in the world are the security guards? Gehirn should be protecting the
families of its employees -"
The doorknob rattled hard, and Niobe's mother strengthened a grip, now
definitively too tight as she stood and pulled herself away from the
door. There were no words now, only the sound of shouting from outside
growing as the knob rattled more firmly, a dry thump hitting the wood
before the handle turned all the way and a dark form staggered into the
room.
"-Joseph!-" shouted Niobe's mother, placing Niobe down on the ground
before rushing over and slamming the door shut behind her husband.
Niobe was baffled, utterly confused about what had happened to her
father. She knew how strong he was, but there were drops of crimson
slowly falling from his body and splattering against the floor, and his
entire body was hunched over as though from pain, nothing like the tall
and imposing man that Niobe recognized. "Christ, Joseph, where the
hell have you -been-? This is the worst that the riots have been in
years, and you pick tonight of all nights to be late."
"It wasn't a choice," replied the man, slowly drawing himself back to
his full height, his clothes visibly dissheveled and torn, a few
streaks of blood darkening the fabric. "They assaulted my car when I
was on my way home - the first time I was able to get past them, but
they overwhelmed me about a block away. Just barely managed to get
back before they tried anything more drastic."
Niobe stood and stared at her father, utterly confused about how he
could be hurt, knowing full well that he was too big and strong for
anything to hurt him. His eyes lighted momentarily on the girl as
Niobe's mother grabbed a chair, letting the main slump down on
something to support him, her hands brushing over his body anxiously.
"Oh, God, Joseph, I'm just glad that you're all right," she gasped,
tears beginning to form at the corners of her eyes. "Where the hell
are the UN forces that are supposed to be protecting us?"
"On their way. They're having trouble getting around, though. The
rioters have been getting smarter, cutting off access routes and
closing them in. It's almost like a war zone out there at times." He
sighed, shaking his head limply. "I'm sorry, I should have gotten a
special retinue for you. I didn't even think about what the two of you
would go through, surrounded by these filthy hooligans. All I could
think of was trying to get the rest of the area organized, to try and
keep things under control."
"Don't worry about it, beloved," replied Niobe's mother, her hands
stroking the man's forehead before she drew herself back up to full
height. "I'll run upstairs and get some bandages. We'll get you
patched up here - I'm not going to risk a trip to the hospital at this
point."
Letting her fingers linger upon her husband for only a second longer,
Niobe's mother headed away, her black hair fluttering behind her as
Niobe stared up at her father. His breathing seemed labored, a small
blossom of crimson blood welling on his forehead, hands slowly tensing
and relaxing. "Daddy?" she asked, taking a hesitant step forward, not
entirely certain of what was going on and becoming more frightened by
the moment. "What's going on outside? Who hurt you?"
Joseph said nothing immediately, simply smiled weakly, his eyes focused
on his daughter with an odd look glistening behind them. "I'm sorry,
Niobe," he offered, gesturing for her to come closer even as she took
hesitant steps. "I wish that you didn't have to grow up in this world,
with all these people around you. I wish that you could have grown up
in your home as the empress of your land, not a second-class citizen in
a land raped by the white men."
The man sighed, and Niobe took another step forward, still utterly
confused as to what her father was talking about. "Listen, Niobe. I'm
going to tell you something very important." Pausing, her father
leaned closer to her, one hand closing gently against the side of her
head, something tender and at the same moment harsh glistening in the
depths of his eyes. "You have to be the best at everything. These
white men that rule our world, they think that your skin left you
destined for failure, and they'll force you to prove you're worth
anything. Unless you're better than them, they'll just try to push you
down." He paused, sighing heavily as he stared into his daughter's
eyes. "Will you do that for me? Will you promise that to daddy?"
Niobe bit her lower lip, her arms falling behind her body as she
squeezed her hands together, trying to figure out what was going on.
Somebody had hurt her father, she understood that, but she still didn't
understand why, nor did she understand all of the people shouting and
throwing things outside. It was more stimulation than she'd expected,
and she felt - if she could have put such thoughts into words - that
she was standing on the cusp of something far beyond her
understanding. "I promise, daddy," she replied, taking another step
towards her father. "I don't want anybody else to hurt you."
A more earnest smile made its way across Joseph's lips, and Niobe felt
a warm flood of happiness at the sight of her father returning to
normal, a great comfort to her young mind. She knew that she wanted
almost nothing more than to make her father happy, that she wanted to
somehow make up for whoever had hurt him. Whatever had happened, she
knew that it had made him sad, and she didn't want that to happen, not
to her father. Not if she could help it.
]++[
[ 2016 ]
It was an oddly hazy day outside, the mid-day sun of Tokyo-3 shining
through the open window like fire, casting long streaks of light and
distorted shadows across the living room. The back of Niobe's mind was
reveling in the light, happy to have something to chase away the
shadows, even as pain raced up and down her leg and kept her biting
down hard on her lower lip. Even the steady heat flooding inward and
causing beads of sweat to slowly emerge along her dark skin was worth
the light of the sun, the light still better than the bleak darkness of
the rest of the apartment.
Her leg lay at a painful angle, as though it had chosen to stop just
short of twisting itself to the breaking point, the pain still racing
up and down from her ankle. Yellow ribbons adorned her calves, laced
up meticulously and tied tightly, looking for all the world as though
they'd been donned by someone of professional quality. But as she
stared at her ankle, letting the agony seep through her skin, she knew
that a professional wouldn't have slipped, wouldn't have let herself
fail again.
Sighing, the girl forced herself to her feet, her legs moving slowly as
she balanced gently on the ankle. Her pain abated slightly, but a dull
throbbing ache still trickled outwards, and as she tried to tense the
muscles to return to her toes the pain redoubled and stabbed through
like needles of fire. Gritting her teeth tightly, Niobe tried to force
herself, knowing that she couldn't let pain hold her back, hoping that
the damage was only skin deep and that the ankle would simply
relinquish its protests in a few moments.
The ankle refused to support her with a sudden spasm, and Niobe felt
herself fall backwards for only a second before the floor hit her back
hard. "FUCK!" she shouted, the word shouted simply for the catharsis
of saying something, pinpricks of pain blossoming across her back as
she drew her leg closer to her and gingerly touched the ankle. Pain
greeted a gentle touch, and with a sigh she realized that she'd twisted
it, that she'd once again managed to fail at a simple task. "God damn
it -all-, I could -do- this," she snarled, closing her eyes tightly for
a second before rolling on to her stomach.
Joseph still wasn't even answering her phone calls, though Niobe could
hardly blame him after the way that she'd acted towards him. Simply
thinking about her actions stung something terrible, and she could
remember the sound of his voice all too clearly, her hands tensing
unconsciously at the thought. As she pushed herself back up to her
knees, she felt a wet warmth beginning to flood out behind her eyes,
the beginnings of tears forming as she tried to stumble up to her
feet. "I failed him," she muttered, a sigh escaping her lips as she
tried to relax and avoid crying once again. "I let him down."
Her ankle was still protesting loudly at having her weight supported by
it, but Niobe ignored the minor spasms of pain as she began to shuffle
back towards her room, any hope of actually getting something
accomplished now gone from her mind. She simply wanted to change out
of the leotard clinging against her skin and fall asleep, to find some
way to dull the self-loathing that permeated her world. "But that
wouldn't help anything," she muttered, shaking her head as another bolt
of pain raced up from her ankle. "I'd still be a failure, still be
letting Joseph down. It'd be even worse, because I'd just be feeling
sorry for myself."
A single tear managed to worm its way free of Niobe's eye, falling and
lightly splattering against the floor as she continued along her path,
the light of the living room receding behind her as she tried to brush
away whatever tears remained in her eyes. She almost couldn't stand to
be in the light and the comfort of the sun, feeling as though she
hardly deserved it, as though she were ashamed of what she was.
Another spasm of pain rocked her ankle, and with a small gasp Niobe
fell towards the floor again, the ankle giving out and sending her
falling forward this time.
Niobe's arms struck the floor hard, holding her just the slightest bit
away from the hard wood beneath her, her eyes shut tight as new tears
slowly formed in her eyes. "I'm to crawl, then?" she asked of nobody,
her upper body slowly lowering down to the floor as her raven-black
hair fell down about her. "Even my own body doesn't want me to walk
any more. I don't deserve the right to -walk-, much less to be an Eva
pilot. Much less to be -anything-."
Tears began to fall from the girl's eyes towards the floor, and Niobe
let out a small gasping sob as she began to pull herself across the
floor, the cold hardness of the wood sliding across the thin fabric and
sending a minor shiver through her spine. She wished, in the back of
her mind, that Ryo was in the apartment, that the red-eyed boy was
beside her when she needed somebody more than anything. A sigh escaped
her lips at the thought, her heart grown wistful as she thought of him,
the way that he'd looked standing in the moonlight the one night that
she'd first truly begun to fall for him.
"But I'm nothing to him," she half-moaned, her arms continuing to pull
her along as the light receded further, dirt and dust from the floor
slowly accumulating along the length of her body, the fabric thin
enough for her to feel as each new object adhered itself to her. Still
quietly sobbing and hating herself all the more for giving in to
sadness, Niobe slowly pushed herself towards her room, wondering what
she would do after everything was over, knowing beyond a doubt that she
was no longer welcome in her father's home or Ryo's home.
]++[
It was a test like nearly any other that he had grown accustomed to,
the LCL washing over his body as he waited in the vertical chamber,
eyes doing their best to focus on something even as he knew that the
best course of action was to focus on nothing. He'd never had any
problem with that routine before, never had failed to be able to clear
his mind of thoughts as Gendou had instructed, but for the first time
that he could remember he was stuck, other things lingering within his
thoughts. As the force of the LCL slowly forced him around and his
eyes lighted on Gendou and Ritsuko, he knew that they were aware of
that fact, could see their disappointment etched on their faces.
But even still, the thoughts lingered in Ryo's mind, thoughts that he
knew would have angered the commander immensely had he said anything.
He had done his best to follow routine with Niobe, but it had been
difficult if not impossible, and more to the point it didn't seem to be
achieving the desired effect. Something was wrong, something that he
couldn't figure out logically, and he was beginning to find himself
wondering if there was truly a point to holding on to the routine. It
was a thought that he would have considered insane not so long ago, but
he couldn't shake the picture of Niobe fleeing from him after she'd
gotten off of the phone, the way that her words had been something more
than simply a method of communication.
"Ryo." The voice was Gendou's, curt and professional, something
beneath his voice letting Ryo know that he was not pleased with the way
that the tests had been going. It stirred something within Ryo's
chest, knowing that the man was not pleased, a sensation that Ryo had
no words for aside from a vague perception of the fact. "We are
finished with the testing. You will be returned to your school
slightly before noon, after your synchronization testing and other
evaluations have been completed for the day."
"Understood," Ryo echoed, the vaguest hints of a frown beginning to
cross his face as the LCL's currents began to abate, Ryo slowly
drifting to the bottom of the vertical tank as the orange-red liquid
drained out beneath him. It was a new routine, and he understood that,
fully aware that his life was described by routine as he gently coughed
up the LCL sitting within his lungs. But he couldn't shake the nagging
suspicion that he was doing something wrong by subscribing blindly to
routine, a thought that was only reinforced by what he had seen
resulting from the routine. Routine had not helped him with Nieve and
had done nothing for Niobe, a logical impossibility when Gendou had
told him that a logical pattern was all he needed in life.
A hissing noise filled the air as the seal around the glass of the tank
was removed, and the tube slid upwards, the glass disappearing and
allowing Ryo to gently step out of the chamber onto the cold metal
floor of the darkened room. Ritsuko, flicking her eyes back and forth
between the computer display and the pale naked boy shivering almost
imperceptibly, offered him a towel, the white coten accepted gratefully
as Ryo began to dry himself off. "Something is wrong with the tests?"
he asked, his eyes closed as he went through the simple patterns of
drying himself, a routine followed for as long as he could recall.
"In a way," replied Gendou, his voice still curt, none of the usual
vaguely sympathetic tones that he took with the boy. The commander had
been growing more distant with the passage of time, something Ryo
hadn't noticed before but was slowly seeing more clearly. Gendou
opened his mouth to continue, then paused for a second, flicking his
eyes towards the door of the room as it hissed open and Dr. Fuyutsuki
stepped in hesitatntly. "Have you been following your routines
correctly?"
"Yes," replied Ryo, the barest trace of a frown flickering acros his
face as he tied the towel around his waist, the cold only slightly
alleviated by the act of drying. He paused for a moment, then took a
deep breath, unsure of whether or not he would be breaking routine by
asking another question. "Is something the matter with Niobe? I
have..." He paused, the same frown once again gracing his features for
just a moment, as though his facial muscles were trying to emulate
something they'd seen others do without being certain of how it was
done. "I have noticed some distinct changes in her personality and
actions. It is worrisome."
"The Sixth Child suffered a great deal of neural feedback during the
battle with the Fourteenth Angel," replied Gendou, the answer coming
just the slightest bit too quickly, as though he wasn't truly answering
the question. "Any abnormalities you notice in her personality is
simply a result of her mind attempting to deal with the aftershocks.
It is nothing to be worried about." A pause, the man adjusting his
glasses, Ryo staring at him and wondering what it was that he wasn't
being told. "Is there anything else?"
Ryo stared for a moment, knowing that routine dictated he should leave
and prepare for other testing, something in the back of his mind
questioning whether or not he should actually go on with the routine.
Closing his eyes for a second, Ryo forced the nagging question to fall
silent, then shook his head at Gendou and turned, walking slowly
towards the door. His thoughts were still on Niobe, however, something
in him knowing full well that what was going on with the girl had
nothing to do with neural feedback.
Gendou's eyes watched Ryo from behind his glasses as the blue-haired
boy slowly walked out of the room, then snapped his gaze back towards
Ritsuko, his expression unchanging but the fact that he was unhappy
quite clear from the way that he held his body. "You are certain that
there are no malfunctions within the testing devices?" he asked, his
voice remaining calm with only the vaguest hints of anger lingering
behind it.
"Beyond any shadow of a doubt. We extended the test for an excess
thirty minutes, they would have shown something if they weren't working
right." The woman sighed, letting her fingers move in quick patterns
across the keyboard, bringing up the display that she needed even as
she knew the commanders wouldn't like the result. "His soul is up to
39% impurity, nearly at the limit for safe operation of the plan.
There's contamination beginning to spread inwards from his mind, as
well, and the thought processes are breaking down." She paused, almost
tempted to let her conclusion draw itself. "I'm not sure if he's
suitable as a vessel any longer. There's a great risk of failure."
Kozou and Ritsuko both looked towards Gendou, wondering what the man's
reaction would be as he stared at the display. They both had some
inkling of what he was going to want to do about the situation, but it
didn't change the fact that he was looking at years of his own work and
effort being dashed to pieces within a few short months, enough to
seriously damage anyone's ego. The commander stared for only a moment,
however, then calmly looked towards Ritsuko, no visible change in his
expression despite the circumstances. "Prepare a secondary, but do not
complete the procedure. We will step up the pattern of Ryo's testing.
Should he breach the safe barrier, we will be forced to use the
alternate." He paused, then turned towards Fuyutsuki, seemingly
unaffected by the situation. "What about the girl?"
For a moment, Fuyutsuki stared, wondering if the other man would show
some sign that made it clear he was truly distressed by the situation,
if the loss of so much effort was sinking in or simply didn't matter to
the commander. Either way, his expression remained unchanging, and
Kozou cleared his throat, still wondering in the back of his mind what
Gendou was ultimately planning. "Almost completely integrated," he
announced, his voice slightly hesitant. "She should be ready for
introduction soon. You've spoken with her, and you seem to be pleased
with her progress."
"She has Yui's curiosity," replied Gendou, the vaguest hints of a smile
playing at the corner of his lips for just a second before he glanced
back at Ryo's display. "This is a worrisome development with Ryo, but
the benefits that I had hoped to garner by his growth were minor at
best, and extended only after the fact. The risk of contamination was
unavoidable." Pausing, he glanced back and forth between Kozou and
Ritsuko, his eyes almost hidden behind the lenses of his glasses. "You
will be able to complete the remainder of the process for today?"
"Of course," replied Kozou, nodding as he folded his hands behind his
back, a tension growing within the back of his head at Gendou's mention
of Yui. His reservations about NERV's ultimate goals had only grown
with time, made only worse by the tomb-like air that sat without
circulation in the cold and darkened room. "SEELE will probably
request another meeting in the near future, and you need to prepare.
We will have to begin moving some of our operations at least partially
into the light, and that carries a great deal of risk."
"There are no alternatives," replied Gendou flatly, turning and walking
towards where he knew the door lay, the black of his coat and slacks
almost blending into the darkness of the room around him. "We are the
shepherds of humanity, tasked with bringing about a new Eden. Toying
with risks cannot be a detriment to that fact."
Kozou let his gaze linger on the door for a moment after Gendou had
stepped out, then shook his head and turned towards Ritsuko, her eyes
already trained back on the computer display. "He's not showing any
disappointment with Ryo," noted the elder man, stepping closer to
Ritsuko and letting his eyes flick down towards the display, scanning
along the lines for some useful information. "It's admirable, really.
Considering all the time that we've invested into this part of the
project."
"But like he said, it's not the setback that it could be. -She- could
have been contaminated." Pausing, Ritsuko hit a few buttons, shifting
the display slightly and beginning the data compilation process, her
eyes quickly scanning the screen as the computer worked. "I'm just
still curious about where the contamination is originating from. It
can't be from school, considering that it continued to spread while he
was out of the school. I half-suspect the other Children, but it would
be nearly impossible to keep him shut off from all of the others, not
to mention the effect it might have of them during operations."
Listening to Ritsuko, Kozou couldn't help but notice the way that she
spoke of Ryo as though he was an object, and his muscles tensed
slightly as he thought of the way that she'd react if she knew the
whole story about the boy. "Doesn't that strike you as a little harsh,
though?" asked Fuyutsuki, his expression darkening slightly as the
computer continued to process the commands it had been fed. "Removing
him from almost all human contact?"
"Could be a necessary evil in any event," replied Ritsuko, her eyes
remaining focused on the computer display in front of her. If she
noticed the change in Fuyutsuki's expression, she certainly didn't show
it. "But no, I don't think it's particularly harsh. It's simply
another stage of the project."
"You don't see anything wrong with closing off a boy completely," Kozou
said, meaning the sentence as a question but noting that it wound up as
more of an accusation than anything. "He's sixteen, Ritsuko, and it's
not as though he has a particularly full life anyways. The idea of
pulling him out of school and cutting him off from the Children... he'd
be living in his own little world, away from everything. That's
inhumane."
"If we were talking about one of the other children, I'd agree
wholeheartedly. I even feel a bit bad about doing it to Ryo. But he's
a special case." There was the slightest catch in the woman's voice,
as though she were trying less to argue her case and more to convince
herself. "Ryo's not a normal boy. He was born for this, and he'll no
doubt die for it. Harsh though it might sound, it's the right thing to
do."
Kozou's mouth half-opened to tell Ritsuko the truth, to spill the one
secret that he knew was still being kept from her, something that might
have made her change her opinion of Ryo. But he found himself
stopping, the words catching in his throat, an embarassing situation
for the older man but undeniable. "I suppose you're right," he
muttered, the irony of his own lack of personal connections not
escaping him as he cast his eyes away from the computer display,
letting them rest on Ryo's testing chamber. "Ritsuko... did your
mother ever tell you anything about Ryo? Back in the nascent stages of
the project?"
"She never mentioned him except in passing," replied Ritsuko flatly,
the slight catch from before evaporating from her tone. "Any time that
she did talk about him, it wasn't a pleasant conversation - she
mentioned that Dr. Ikari had something to do with him on a regular
basis, but she was never clear on the exact details." She paused. "I
suspect she had some interactions with the boy before she killed
herself, but I wouldn't know. I stopped seeing her on a regular basis
when I turned thirteen."
Biting his lip, Kozou cast his eyes towards the blonde woman once
again, almost wishing that she'd been present for more of the early
days of NERV, that she could have seen everything going on with her own
eyes. It was difficult to know that she was being lied to despite how
close she was to the highest levels of the command structure, and even
though it made him worried for her it was worrisome for him as well.
"It's a shame," he said, his voice dropping in volume almost
unintentionally. "She would be proud of how you've turned out."
]++[
It was a different school than Ryo remembered, down to the very
atmosphere that seemed to permeate the structures about him like a
scent. He could recall all too clearly the sound of the other children
in the school laughing and enjoying themselves, thoughts of the Angels
and the ongoing battle with them only a peripheral concern, a negative
possibility that mostly resulted in the need for shuffling into various
shelters. But now the yard remained silent, only a few tense laughs
breaking the sun-bleached air as Ryo walked slowly towards the terrace,
his mind only half-focused on the changes that had been wrought to the
school as his legs moved in accustomed patterns.
"Niobe is in trouble." The words seemed odd, an aknowledgement of fact
that Ryo's logic told him could not be possible. He had been told by
Gendou that he didn't need to worry about the problems of the other
Children, that the only time they were his concern was inside of the
Eva. But he also knew that Gendou had told him that he would not be
defended by the other Children, that his role was different, that he
would only need to follow routine and everything would be find.
"Everything is not fine, though," he muttered. "Something is wrong.
Something is -very- wrong."
"Ayanami?" The voice was familiar, and Ryo's brain told him that it
was the Fourth Child even before his eyes had turned to catch sight of
Vash walking towards him, one arm outstretched in a casual wave. Ryo's
eyes squinted slightly, wondering if he was perceiving the voice
correctly, a bit put off by the boy's appearance. Though it was the
right build for Vash, the hair was all wrong, falling down about the
other boy's face with the barest traces of black roots visible through
the mess of blonde. "I didn't think that you were coming to school any
more. You've missed a lot."
Blinking, Ryo cocked his head slightly to one side, now certain that it
was Vash even though he was still struggling to cope with the boy's new
appearance. "Koji," he said, voice remaining flat as he watched the
other approach. "I didn't recognize you at first. Your hair looks
different."
"It's not 'Koji,' it's... oh, never mind." The boy shook his head,
stepping past Ryo and waving the blue-haired boy along. Ryo puzzled
for a moment, then shrugged to nobody in particular and followed Vash,
confused about where he was headed. "Really, though, I'm kind of glad
to see you. It'd be nice to have somebody to talk with, even if it is
you."
Ryo's mouth fell open, and he was about to tell Vash that he had other
things to do when he found himself hesitating. The routine he knew
dictated that he go straight into the school and arrange his desk, that
he prepare for the next lesson and be certain that he was ready. But
the routines he knew were beginning to feel awkward, almost hollow, as
though he was doing the wrong thing simply by following them. "I'm
actually glad to have someone to talk to, as well," replied Ryo,
continuing to follow the other boy, the words sounding awkward on his
ears.
Vash froze momentarily, glancing back towards Ryo in surprise and
blinking. "Well, I'll be," he said, shaking his head slightly as he
turned towards a nearby bench, taking a few steps before sitting down
limply. "I didn't think that you had anything to talk about in the
first place." He paused for a moment, sinking his head slightly, then
shrugged. "What the heck, go ahead. Tell me what's going on."
Staring for a moment longer, Ryo took a hesitant seat next to the other
boy, his mind racing with the thought that he was breaching routine so
blatantly, the implications staggering to him. He had always assumed
that he couldn't break routine okutright, that he didn't have nearly
enough control over his life to do so, the very reason why the thought
of Nieve being in love had been fascinating to him. Realizing that he
was doing it utterly on his own was a heady rush, almost enough to
knock him out of his thoughts of Niobe. "I... I'm..." He paused,
unsure of exactly what to do. "What was it that you wanted to talk
about?"
"Ah, never mind, this is much more interesting," replied Vash, a thin
smirk crossing his lips as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his
knees and tilting his head towards Ryo. "I was just kind of
wondering..." He paused, then closed his eyes for a second, the barest
hints of something deeper flickering across his face like a shadow.
"Never mind. Like I said, this is more interesting. Come on, Ryo,
spill it."
"It... it's Niobe," replied Ryo, wondering if perhaps Vash could
provide answers that Gendou and Ritsuko hadn't been willing to. There
was some merit to breaking routine for that, he was certain of it, the
concept of justification only barely tickling at the back of his mind
as he stared at Vash. "She's been acting... odd, ever since the battle
with the Fourteenth." He paused. "I think she might be in trouble."
Nodding, Vash seemed to be genuinely listening, as though Ryo were just
another student in the school. It was an odd sensation, and although
Ryo couldn't shake the feeling that his routines were collapsing around
him it was somehow liberating to be speaking with the other boy.
"How's she been acting?" asked Vash, leaning slightly closer to Ryo.
"I mean, is she acting as though she doesn't want to speak to you any
more, or like she doesn't want to pilot the Eva any more, or... what?"
Ryo stared at Vash for a moment, having difficulty believing that it
was the same boy that he had met not so long ago even as he struggled
to wrap his mind around what he was doing. "I... I don't know,
exactly," he replied, turning his head and letting his eyes focus on
the steadily-shifting mosaic pattern of light filtering down through
the tree branches. "She hasn't been talking to me as often as she used
to, however. And... I don't know, something seems to be wrong." He
paused, struggling for the words as a cool breeze filtered through the
terrace, stirring the patterns of light on the stone walkway. "I don't
know the words. I'm not supposed to be worried about the other
Children."
Vash sniggered slightly, but by the time that Ryo had flicked his eyes
back towards the other boy the laugher was gone, replaced by a somewhat
jovial expression. Ryo was utterly confused as to why the other boy
was even listening to him, much less seeming concerned about the
problem and actually treating Ryo like an equal. "Well, I wouldn't be
too worried about Niobe," offered Vash, leaning back in the bench and
staring up at the sky, something unusually languid about his
movements. "She's a tough girl, after all. Heck, remember when she
took down the Eleventh Angel? Ripped that robot apart."
"I remember," replied Ryo, a slight frown creasing his features as he
found himself thinking of the incident that Vash mentioned, doing his
best to remember what had happened afterwards. He distantly could
recall that she had been upset then as well, that something had put her
into distress, something that she hadn't been willing to talk about.
He'd barely noticed at the time, assuaging his curiosity with the
knowledge that it was not part of his routine, but as he thought he
realized that her unhappiness seemed to have originated from a phone
call, a call that he knew in the back of his mind was with her father.
"Her parents," he said, jerking his head up slightly. "I think it
might have something to do with her parents."
"Oh." Vash's words sounded oddly hollow, and Ryo glanced back towards
him, catching an odd expression on the other boy's face. There was
something there, another item in a long list of things that Ryo
couldn't quite explain, but before he could even think to ask about it
the expression was gone. "Listen, maybe it's something that Niobe
doesn't want to talk about with you right now, but she might be willing
to talk to another girl."
Ryo blinked, confused slightly by the implications of the statement.
"Why would that make any difference?"
"Dunno. Girls are like that sometimes. I don't understand it
myself." Shrugging, Vash pulled himself to his feet, as though
anticipating the gentle ring that announced the time to head back
towards class. "But yeah, she might want to talk to another girl, and
I know that Eiko's the expert on all things parent-related. I'll talk
about it with Eiko, and try to get it so that the two of them have
lunch together sometime soon, okay? And whatever I find out, I'll let
you know." He paused. "Assuming that you're still going to be in
school, I mean."
"As far as I know, I'll remain in school for the time being," replied
Ryo, standing as well and wishing that he had more adequete words for
the sensation he was feeling. It was the same sort of emotion that
he'd felt when Neil had spoken with him after their first battle
together, an inexplicable sense of being accepted by the other Child,
as though he wasn't as different as Gendou kept reminding him.
Although Ryo only had the most fundamental perception of it, he knew
that he liked it, even if he still couldn't quite figure out what
brought it on. "Koji... Vash, thank you."
Vash froze for a moment, glancing back at Ryo, obviously surprised at
the boy's words, eyes wide until he sighed and shook his head, a thin
smirk tracing its way across his lips. "You're something else,
Ayanami," the boy said with a slightly bitter chuckle, turning back
towards the school's main building and walking with Ryo as few steps
behind. "Incidentally, if you don't mind me asking... are you and
Niobe..." He paused, then glanced back once again. "Do you like her,
or something?"
"What do you mean?" asked Ryo, having some inkling of what the question
was truly about but deciding to feign innocence regardless. He knew
that by the routine he'd managed to piece together he wasn't even
capable of being in a relationship with someone, and the memory of his
failure with Nieve still lingered in the back of his mind. Despite
that, he couldn't dismiss Vash's statement outright, an odd thought
bubbling up in the back of his mind. "I believe that she's a fine Eva
pilot, and I enjoy working with her during standard operations of -"
"Forget I asked," interrupted the other boy, holding up a hand to
indicate silence as they drew closer to the main doors. The other
students were beginning to crowd slightly, and Ryo could see the almost
eerie dearth of live bodies on the schoolyard, the uncommon emptiness
around the school's entryway. Vash seemed to notice as well, but he
said nothing, simply began to elbow his way towards the entrance,
leaving Ryo alone with thoughts that he didn't quite understand.
]++[
Niobe had never been reluctant to sit inside of the entry plug before,
but as the swirling red-orange LCL slid into her lungs and choked her
momentarily she had the creeping suspicion that something was going to
go wrong. Nothing had gone right for her for more than a month, ever
since she began to fail at every opportunity, and she doubted that a
failure like herself would do well in a round of synchronization
testing. "Especially against those two," she muttered to nobody,
glancing towards the side of her darkened plug, knowing that Neil and
Nieve were sitting in their own plugs not too far away, waiting for the
test along with her.
"All right, everyone, get ready. We're going to start slowly, so just
relax and concentrate on the Eva." Misato's voice was as calm as it
ever was, but it did nothing to ease Niobe's nerves as she leaned back
against the black cushioning of her seat, her mind struggling to focus
as she felt the presence of her Eva tickle at the back of her mind.
She had done it thousands of times, and she knew that she was more than
capable of making it work for her. It was simply the nagging doubt
about herself that kept drawing her back away from the yellow golem's
mind, kept her hands relaxing and then tightening around the metal
handrests.
Outside of the testing booth, Ritsuko found herself equally distracted,
her mind lingering on Kozou's words from the day before as Maya slowly
called off announcements to her. It was important information, and she
knew that she should be listening, but as she tried to focus her blue-
gray eyes on the computer display her thoughts kept running away from
her and drifting back towards Ryo's testing. Flicking her eyes up
quickly, she found herself wishing that it was his time for synch
testing, that she had some way of studying the boy, trying to figure
out what it was that Fuyutsuki was implying about him.
"Dr. Akagi?" The urgency of Maya's voice cut through Ritsuko's mental
distractions, and blinking once she managed to force a smile at the
younger woman, flicking her eyes back towards the computer display.
"Are you all right, ma'am? You look a little pale."
"I think I'm coming down with a bit of a cold," Ritsuko lied, knwoing
that the truth would only make the situation more complicated than it
already was. She could feel Misato staring at her for a moment, both
women fully aware that it was a lie, but Ritsuko forced herself to
ignore her companion and focus on whatever Maya had interrupted her
reverie for. "It's just making me a little scatterbrained, though.
What's wrong?"
"Nothing's exactly -wrong-, it's just..." Maya hesitated, biting her
lower lip for a second before hitting a few quick keys on her
observation console and drawing up a detailed graph of the Children's
synch ratios. Ritsuko's eyes picked out an abnormality before Maya had
even said anything, but the younger woman continued talking before
Ritsuko had a chance to say anything. "Niobe's synch rate has fallen.
Dramatically. It's lower than any of the other Children's now, even
Vash."
"40%," muttered Ritsuko, shaking her head as she stared at the graph.
It seemed to almost be an epidemic amongst the Children, the dramatic
falls in their synchronization since the Fourteenth's attack. It was
worrisome to say the least, and not for the first time Ritsuko found
herself wishing that there was some way to replace the Children more
reliably with computers, wishing that the dummy plug test hadn't been
interrupted by the Angels. "Misato, have you told her?"
"Must we?" asked Misato, her voice sounding odd, a catch in it that
Ritsuko only thought of as a sure sign the other woman would complain
about the Children. "She hasn't been coming into Central Dogma like
she used to. Before, she would be in here day and night, always
pressuring to get more practice time inside of EVA-05, more synch
testing, more -something-. Ever since the Fourteenth, though, she's
been staying away."
Ritsuko smiled thinly despite herself, turning slowly towards Misato as
she drew herself up to her full height, her lab coat shifting tangibly
against her skin. "I would think that would make you happy," she
offered, the slightest bit of nastiness managing to creep into her tone
rather intentionally. "I remember how angry you were when I let her
out to practice in the first place - you seemed to want her to stop
coming around."
"Just because I'm happy about the end result doesn't mean I'm confident
in the reasoning," replied Misato, arms folded across her chest as she
stared into the testing area, her eyes oddly distant as though she was
trying to look through the metal of the entry plugs. "It's a sudden
shift in the way that she acts, and I doubt that's a good sign. Maybe
we shouldn't tell her about her synch rate just yet, considering the
situation."
"Misato, we're not here to deal with the mental problems of the
Children," sighed Ritsuko, once again wishing that she was simply
dealing with machinery. It was one of the few things that had once
endeared her to Ryo, the smooth and mechanical way that the boy
operated, the way that she could predict his responses without
difficulty. "We're here to facilitate the usage of the Eva units, and
that's it. If you're that worried about Niobe, send her to a
pyschiatrist. You might even be able to get money for it out of NERV.
But that doesn't change the fact that we're obligated to disclose her
synch rate and any changes at the time of -"
"I know," replied Misato, her tone curt as she leaned over into the
microphone. Ritsuko let out another sigh, this one more gentle as she
found her thoughts drifting back towards Ryo, her brow furrowing
unconsciously as she let her eyes lose focus. Misato seemed to notice,
but said nothing to the other woman, simply flicked on the microphone
curtly. "Niobe? Your synch ratio has fallen a bit since last time.
Is there something that we should know about?"
Niobe's hands tightened aroung the handrests, her eyes going wide in
panic for just a second. There was something in Misato's voice that
made her suspect that she was doing far worse than the words would
imply, and it took a moment of steady breathing before Niobe could even
begin to relax herself again, feeling the LCL steadily flow in and out
of her lungs as the salty taste exploded across her tongue. "I'm
fine," she said, mentally noting that she was turning out to be an even
bigger failure than she'd expected. "How low is it? Below fifty?"
Silence greeted her for just a second, and the girl's hands tightened
again in anticipation, knowing that she wasn't going to like what
Misato had to say. "You're currently holding steady at 40%," announced
Misato at length, her voice sounding almost apologetic. "That's below
standard operating parameters for the Evas."
"You're kidding." The words tried their best to sound casual, but
Niobe knew that she was starting to panic, feeling her muscles tense
across her body as the adrenaline slowly leaked into her system, her
hands tightening and relaxing around the handrests as though it was
part of a ceremony. "You've -got- to be kidding. I've got one of the
highest rates of the Children."
"Had," replied Misato, her tone flat as Niobe felt the tension in her
body increase. There seemed to be just the slightest bit of contempt
riding beneath Misato's words, and Niobe was certain that it was
directed towards her, her panic rising as the LCL seemed to thicken
around her. "That's why we're wondering if something is wrong. It's a
pretty big drop, even with the time gap since your last test... are you
sure that you're all right?"
A strangled cry of response caught in Niobe's throat, her hands
clutching at her head as she violently rocked back and forth. She knew
full well what it meant if she couldn't keep her Eva under control, the
old threat that she would be kicked out of NERV. The first time that
Misato had ever told her that she could be removed, the sound of the
words had buried itself in the girl's ears, and she could hear nothing
but that as she thrashed helplessly for what felt like an eternity in
the bloody liquid, her muscles tensing nearly to the point of
breaking. "No," she hissed, trying to focus on the body of the Eva
outside of her. "No, no, no, no."
There were urgent voices coming over the radio, and Niobe slowly forced
herself to calm down as Misato called for some kind of response, her
voice growing more urgent with each passing moment. "I'm fine," she
lied, crossing her arms and clutching at her upper arms, pulling
herself tightly inward. She was anything but fine, but she knew there
was no way to say so to Misato, knew that the woman was already
disgusted with the failure that she'd become. "It's nothing. I
suppose I'll just have to try harder next time."
Ritsuko found herself mirroring Misato's frown at the oddly mecahnical
sound of Niobe's voice, little doubt in her mind that the girl was
trying to cover something up. She momentarily wondered if it might
have something to do with Ryo before she felt Misato's eyes on her,
flicking her gaze away from the observation room towards her one-time
friend. "We're ending the simulation now," announced Misato, almost
provoking a reaction from Ritsuko before she realized that the other
woman was speaking into the microphone. "Get down to the locker rooms
and clean up."
"You realize that isn't your call to make," snapped Ritsuko, her voice
growing harsher as the other woman flipped the switch to deactivate the
microphone. "We're not dealing with the Evas here, and I'm the one who
decides when a synch test is and isn't over." She paused, her temper
only sharpened by the lingering mystery of Ryo. "Or as you put it,
I'll do my job if you don't mind."
"I don't care. If you want to keep doing a synch test, fine. But
you're going to have to find another set of Children to perform it
on." Misato's tone was oddly flat, the only tone that Ritsuko could
pick up a vague exhaustion as the purple-haired woman turned and strode
out of the room, walking fast enough to nearly slam into the doors
before they hissed open.
Maya was staring up at Ritsuko, waiting for guidance, seemingly
oblivious to the fact that the elder woman was gently rubbing her
temple in an effort to calm herself. "Get them out of there," she said
after a moment, waving one hand distractedly towards the observation
room. "We'll compile a full report from what we've gotten now. It's
not worth a fight over." Maya nodded, and with only a moment longer
spent looking at Ritsuko the young woman began to type in new commands
to the console, leaving Ritsuko to try and ponder out what Kozou had
meant even as she tried to figure out what she was feeling towards
Misato.
]++[
Niobe wasn't quite sure if she wanted to hit something or cry, thought
both seemed like rather attractive courses of action in light of the
circumstances. "They can't kick me out of NERV," she muttered, her wet
feet slapping against the floor gently as she walked towards her
locker, wet hair hanging limply against her back and more than tangible
through the thin white cotton towel. She'd never worn a towel before
in the showers, had never seen a need to, but she knew that she wasn't
half as attractive as she'd always assumed, that her body obviously
didn't appeal to Ryo. Even her hair frustrated her, the knowledge that
she'd been distracted by her own appearance unwilling to leave her mind
as she strode in front of her locker.
"They can't kick me out. Joseph wouldn't let them." Her voice
trembled slightly with the statement, some uncertainty about the
assertion managing to creep into her mind as she unfurled the towel
wrapped around her body. The locker room air was cold against her dark
skin, painfully so, nopthing that she felt she didn't deserve as she
mopped off the few remaining beads of moisture. "I'm their best
pilot. They know that. They wouldn't."
Her hands were trembling as she reached over to her locker, another
frustration to add on to a long list as she angrily pulled the door
open. It swung and slammed against the next-door locker with the
clanging noise of metal against metal, setting her teeth slightly on
edge but alleviating her frustration ever so slightly. "They wouldn't
do it," she snapped, gritting her teeth as she snatched her bra out of
the locker, taking the barest of moments to examine it. It was lace,
another distraction when she could have simply used a plain article,
another source of internal scolding as she slid it over her chest and
clipped it shut. "Misato wouldn't have the guts to kick me out. I
know it."
Grabbing her panties from the locker, her trembling grew even worse as
she slid the thin fabric over her skin, the sensation smooth, enjoyable
under any other circumstances except for the fact that she knew she had
no right to feel good about anything. "Won't get kicked out," she
snapped, her anger growing despite being directed at nobody. "I'll do
better. I won't let them kick me out, not now, not ever. I'll make
sure that I do better from now on. I can cut out more distractions,
the ones that I should have gotten rid of before."
"Niobe?" The voice was Nieve's, an odd tension in the other girl's
tone as Niobe whipped her head around. She was standing at the end of
the locker row in a short red skirt and a dull orange blouse, her green
eyes wide and seeming to pull in the fluorescent light from the
fixtures above them. "Do you mind if I come over?"
"Do whatever you want," replied Niobe, her trembling not abating as she
snatched out her jeans, sitting down and forcing her legs into the
rough denim without ceremony. She only distantly heard Nieve's
footsteps approaching her, focusing instead on what she needed to do
before she could return to her prior synch ratio, to make Ryo notice
her instead of Nieve once again. "Was there something you wanted to
talk about?"
Silence filled the air for the barest of seconds, and Niobe could tell
in the back of her mind that she wasn't going to like what the other
girl had to say. "Niobe... you're looking thin." The words were
fraught with something that the African girl couldn't quite place,
something that scared her just the slightest bit even as she tugged her
blouse out of the locker. "Really thin. I mean, you've never been
really bulky, but you're..." She paused. "Listen, have you been
eating lately? Three meals a day?"
"I've been avoiding Ryo as best I can," replied Niobe, her tone curt as
she tugged the shirt around her body, distantly noticing that the
blouse was fitting a bit more loosely than it had before. "It's hard
to do, especially since he's been out of school for so long. Now that
he's going back, I'll be able to get more to eat."
"You can't do that!" snapped Nieve, grabbing Niobe's shoulder and
jerking the other girl around. "Niobe, eating isn't about whether or
not you want to see someone, it's about keeping yourself healthy. If
you don't eat, you could do some serious damage to your body." She
paused, hanging her head ever so briefly, giving Niobe just the
slightest pause for thought before she continued. "Why wouldn't you
want to see Ryo, anyways? I'll admit that he's a little creepy
sometimes, but -"
Frustration at herself had reached a boiling point within the depths of
Niobe's mind, and she found herself lashing out, letting her open palm
strike hard against Nieve's cheek. "He is -not- creepy," she snapped,
unable to tell whether she was angrier at herself for everything she
had done wrong or with Nieve for not wanting the boy when he had
clearly shifted his attentions towards her. "You don't know the first
thing about him, and you don't know the first thing about me. Don't
pretend that you do."
Nieve said nothing immediately, and Niobe turned back towards her
locker, her hand stinging from the impact with Nieve's pale skin,
fluorescent lights feeling physically oppressive as she snatched out
her socks and shoes from the locker. "Niobe, this isn't something that
you should trivialize," Nieve offered after a moment, her tone not
angry so much as concerned, measured and infuriatingly calm. "I know
where you're coming from, believe me. Daughters of NERV, remember?"
Her hands clenched, and Niobe forced her socks on roughly, slamming her
feet into her shoes and wishing that the other girl would simply go
away. "Just because we both grew up in this program doesn't mean that
we're the same," snapped Niobe, standing and staring at the other girl,
becoming aware for the first time just how pale she truly was, her tone
only slightly darkened by the time she'd spent in the constant sun of
Tokyo-3. "We're from completely different worlds. Now go away. I've
got other things to do."
"I don't care," snapped Nieve in response, rising to her feet and
stepping in front of the other girl, her eyes narrowing slightly as she
spread her arms to block off the dark-skinned girl from passage.
"Niobe, you need to -eat-. Even if you're busy, even if you're trying
to avoid Ryo for whatever reason. Don't you want to eat?"
"And what if I don't, Nieve? What then?" Her tone was growing more
frantic as she took a step towards the other girl, her teeth locked
together tightly. "What are you going to do then, force me to? This
is my life, damn it, and you've got nothing to do with it." She
snarled, then forced her way past Nieve, knowing in the back of her
mind that Nieve was right but utterly unwilling to admit it. "I've got
to go meet Eiko for lunch. Where I'll -eat-, thank you very much."
The other girl offered no response as Niobe strode out the sliding
doors, her hands tensing and relaxing in steady patterns as the
fluorescent lights beamed harshly into her eyes. She hadn't wanted to
tell Nieve that she just had been trying to look prettier so that Ryo
would notice her, especially since the implication that she was looking
worse only compouded the situation. She didn't want to have failed
again, to have tried to appear attractive and succeeded at nothing, not
in the wake of so many other failures.
]++[
She had honestly intended to go to lunch with Eiko, a fact that
slightly alleviated her internal anger for lying to Nieve. But there
had been no alternative to avoiding the other girl, something that
she'd realized halfway to the school, forcing her to run the rest of
the way back to her apartment in hopes of making up for the time that
she'd lost by going out of her way. It was frivolous, going to lunch
with the other girl under the circumstances, forging personal
relationships that would only distract her when she was supposed to be
eliminating distractions from her life. "Sorry, Nieve," she muttered,
stepping slowly into the living room.
One hand has holding the scissors, the metal cold against her skin as
she stepped into the mid-day wash of light, the sun momentarily
blinding before she stepped over to the window and drew the shade down
halfway. The room immediately fell darker, feeling slightly more
comfortable to the girl as she took a deep breath and sat down on the
couch, her chest heaving from the exhaustion of running and the stress
of the situation. Her stomach offered a weak growl, hungry before the
decision to skip lunch and in no way made happier by the sudden
sprinting back to the apartment. "It had to be done, though," she
muttered, slowly opening and closing the scissors. "I didn't have any
choice. I've got to focus on the important things."
She could still remember Joseph's angry words towards her, the things
that he'd shouted over the phone, every curse that he'd spat at her
about her irresponsibility. She hadn't wanted to believe any of it,
but she knew that he was right, that her failure was her own fault,
that even though she had thought there were no distractions in her life
she had let them crowd around her. "No more personal relationships
getting in my way," she said, her hands trembling slightly as she
raised the scissors, steel blade glinting against the sunlight. "No
more selfishness, no more ignorance, and no more distractions. Just
me, my Eva, and Ryo." She took one last breath, then jerked the
scissors around and let the blades close with a snap.
Distantly aware of the noise of the front door to the apartment
opening, Niobe ignored it, focusing on the task at hand, opening the
scissor's blades and then shutting them again decisively. They closed
with a satisfying clicking noise, enough to give Niobe a mild rush of
satisfaction with each motion even as she felt her head growing
lighter. "It's the right thing to do," she whispered, moving the
scissors again and letting them click shut. "I have to cut out these
distractions if I'm going to still be an Eva pilot. I can't let them
kick me out of NERV, not if I ever want Ryo to -"
"Niobe?" The voice was Ryo's, but there was something odd about it, an
odd sort of inflection that seemed not to match his usual flat tone.
"Niobe, are you home?" Considering answering for a moment, the girl
ignored his voice and let the scissors close with another clicking
noise, slowly chanting to herself that she was doing the right thing.
"You were supposed to have lunch with Eiko today, but you didn't show
up. Is something -"
A final snip of the scissors, and the last of Niobe's long hair fell
limply to the floor, resting atop the rest of her severed tresses in a
pool of sunlight that was drifting in through the window. "Nothing's
wrong," she said firmly, staring down at the mass of hair, surprised
that she had so much to cut off in the first place. She was certain
that she'd been distracted by it more than ever, seeing the volume that
she'd had to cut off driving the point home to her. "I just had
something else that I needed to do first."
Ryo's footsteps echoed through the apartment momentarily as Niobe
stood, releasing the scissors and letting them fall against the
cushions of the couch as the boy approached the living room. His eyes
went wide at the sight of the girl's clipped hair, and Niobe forced
herself not to react, certain that he was still testing her, that he
simply couldn't admit how he felt after the horrific way that she'd
handled herself. "You cut your hair," he said, the surprise evident in
his voice. "Why?"
The remark stung slightly, but Niobe forced herself to take another
deep breath, knowing that Ryo was simply pushing her to show her true
colors. "Because it was a distraction," she replied firmly, shaking
her head to let a few loose strands of long hair fall free. "In times
like these, it's not important to focus on silly things like that. You
said it yourself - all that matters is that the Angels are destroyed."
"But I didn't mean..." Ryo shook his head, feeling only more confused
by the conversation, as though he'd walked in on the middle of a
conversation that was already going on. "That's not a reason to cut
your hair. Hair is in no way related to destroying the Angels."
"Yes, it is," Niobe insisted, feeling her hands tense slightly at the
thought that she'd managed to make a mistake once again. She'd already
failed to attract Ryo with long hair, it seemed impossible that he'd be
equally disgusted with short hair, that he was as unimpressed by her
devotion either way. "Without all that to worry about taking care of,
I can focus on being a better pilot instead. That way we'll be closer
to destroying the rest of the Angel. Eliminating distractions. Right?"
"Niobe, cutting your hair won't make you a better Eva pilot," replied
Ryo, his words slow and measured, his mind trying to wrap itself around
Niobe's train of logic even as he wondered what was really going on.
There had to be something more important, he was certain of it, a
routine slowly piecing together instinctively in the back of his mind.
"And what does it matter? As long as the Angels are destroyed, it
could matter less who turns out to be the best pilot."
"It -does- matter!" snapped Niobe, taking a step forward as her hands
clenched tightly, blue eyes flashing in desperation. "It matters to -
you-, doesn't it?" Her breath was coming faster now, her heartbeat
speeding up as she stared into the boy's red eyes, watching as her
world came down around her. He had to just be testing her, seeing
whether or not she would give in and let up in her devotion. That was
the only possibility, the only thing that she could logically conceive
of.
"All I want is to destroy the Angels," replied Ryo, keeping his voice
calm even as he noticed the vaguest hint of panic creeping in to his
own voice. He was beginning to find half-formed ideas about what was
really wrong with the girl floating around in his head, but they
confused him, seperated fully from any routine, dangerously unstable
despite the steps he'd taken away from his routines. "You know that.
I've said as much to you many times."
"-Liar!-" snapped Niobe, her hand nearly flying forth and slapping the
pale boy across the cheek, her anger and self-loathing compounding as
she stared at him and tried to understand why the testing didn't end.
She couldn't believe what he was saying, knew that it had to be some
kind of test of her ability to remain focused, that she couldn't have
failed so dramatically to understand Ryo's words. "You -do- care about
who's the best! I -know- it!"
Silence passed between the two Children for a moment, Niobe's breaths
coming harsh and ragged as Ryo simply stared as calmly as possible, the
slightest glints of something other than simple observation managing to
surface in the bright red pools of his eyes. Then something
imperceptible snap, and Niobe pushed her way past Ryo, moving swiftly
as a lone tear glittered in the thin light of the apartment and fell
towards the floor. Remaining silent, the girl stepped lightly into the
small lowered area for her shoes, letting her feet slip into the
sneakers and opening the door in one smooth motion. One glance back
towards Ryo, then she was out the door with a slam.
Ryo stared at the door for a moment, the expression on Niobe's face
etched into his memory even with the sparse seconds of exposure to it.
He'd never seen the girl look so hurt before, as though Ryo was the
direct cause of her problems even though he wanted to help her. "It's
not her parents," he offered to nobody, hearing his words echo against
the silence of the apartment, his eyes drifting shut after a moment as
he struggled to deal with the tumult his thoughts had been thrown into.
Taking a deep breath, Ryo forced himself to move, placing his schoolbag
down gently on the floor and stepping into the living room. Something
bubbled within his chest as he stared at the limp black hair on the
floor, the sunlight glinting off the surface the way that he'd always
seen her hair in motion. Biting his lower lip gently, he knelt besides
the hair, pushing his hand into the mass and pulling up a small group
of strands, watching as each individual piece moved and reflected the
light. "When she was dancing," he whispered to himself, trying to sort
out the multitude of emotions conflicting within his chest, feelings
that he couldn't begin to understand without any frame of reference.
"It shone like this then."
His hand relaxed and let the hair flutter to the floor a few scant
seconds before the Angel alarm ripped through the air like a knife,
prompting Ryo to stand and begin to move towards the door as he'd been
taught. It was routine, the only thing that he knew for certain, but
as his foot rested in the hall directly outside of the living room he
hesitated for the first time that he could remember. Glancing back
towards the mass of Niobe's discarded hair, he felt himself sigh,
struggling to understand what he was feeling and what the girl was
going through.
Another second passed, and the alarm blared to life again, the steady
noise that seemed to be pushing Ryo back into his routine. A quick nod
to nobody, and Ryo was moving again, swiftly walking down the hall and
into the small space before the door, slipping on his shoes and
stepping out, his thoughts lingering on the thin strands still
lingering in a pool of sunlight.
]++[
It was the second time that NERV had found a use for the satellite
monitoring systems, but as Misato stared at the main screen she
couldn't help but wonder how useful they were truly being. All that
could be seen of the Angel was a winglike series of glowing
projections, like some sort of unnatural bird floating through space,
the light seemingly internal and resisting any efforts to make out
details of the beast's body. "Just as inscrutable as ever," the woman
muttered, arms balancing her just above the drop to the level below.
"What's it doing now?"
"Nothing, as far as we can tell," replied Makoto, his hands moving
slowly across the keyboard, speed dulled simply by the apparent
inactivity of the beast. He'd had more than enough time to analyze
what was facing them so his task was little more than keeping a
watchful eye and making sure that nothing changed. "No energy buildup,
no motion, nothing. We haven't been able to gauge the strength of its
AT Field, but as it stands it isn't even approaching the surface. It's
just waiting for something."
"Probably for us," she noted, a frown slowly spreading across her face
as she stared at the bird-like form on the main screen. "Either
they're getting smarter or more daring. It's letting us take the first
move, and betting on us not being able to take it out before it makes
its own first move. Either that, or it's just being reckless." She
paused, her frown darkening as she flicked her eyes across the screen,
as though trying to determine something more about the Angel from the
black field it sat atop.
"At that height, it's fairly safe against anything we'd want to try on
it," offered Ritsuko, standing only scant feet behind Misato, waiting
for the other woman to offer some minor acknowledgement of her
presence. There was a momentary pause, then Misato turned her head
halfway towards Ritsuko, the same resentful expression on her face that
Ritsuko recognized from inside the observation booth. "The technical
division has been working on the Type-20 Particle Cannon, though. It
might be able to at least take a few shots at the beast, though we'd
have difficulty setting up the targeting coordinates."
Misato stared for a moment longer, then nodded, no change in her
expression as she turned back towards the main screen. It stung more
than it should have, made in no way easier by the fact that Ritsuko was
still puzzling over Kozou's comments about Ryo. "All right, Makoto,
start setting up a targeting program to work off of the satellites.
Maya, deploy the particle cannon to the surface and prepare the Evas
for launch."
Sitting inside of the Eva, Niobe could hear none of the conversation,
only the harsh sound of her breathing, her lungs slowly ingesting and
exhaling the bloody LCL as she tried to force herself to be calm. Her
stomach was growling like a caged beast, but she forced it to be quiet,
knowing full well that she had other things to worry about, that her
top priority had to be piloting the Eva the way that she was supposed
to. "No distractions," she hissed, tightening her hands around the
metal rests instinctively. "This time I'll destroy the Angel. I've
got to. I can't let them kick me out of NERV."
The radio crackled to life, and Niobe found herself leaning forward in
her seat, her eyes going wide even though there was nothing to see
except for the teal-gray walls of her hangar. "The Angel's currently
in high orbit, like the Tenth," announced Misato's voice, her tone
oddly hollow, as though something was eating at her from within.
"Unfortunately, it's too far out for us to hit it with conventional
weaponry. We're going to be relying on one of the technical division's
experimental weapons, and even then it's a long shot."
"Let me do it!" snapped Niobe, knowing that she was speaking too early
but not caring. She knew how angry Misato had gotten the last time
she'd tried to force herself into an operation, but she could feel the
desperation surging within her chest, little doubt in her mind that she
was facing the frighteningly real proposition of losing her position as
pilot. "I know that you probably have something else in mind, but -"
"Actually, Niobe, I was going to send you up anyways. Your machine's
onboard targeting system is the best suited to the situation. Eiko,
you'll be standing on backup in case something goes wrong." She paused
as Niobe's machine began to move towards the launching pad, unable to
see the almost sinister smile creeping across Niobe's face. "Be
careful. We don't know what the Angel's capable of."
"I'll be careful after I've destroyed the Angel," replied Niobe, her
voice firm as she jerked back hard on the handrests, forcing herself to
focus. She had eliminated all the distractions that she could from her
life, and she knew it. There was no way that she would fail this time.
Misato sighed gently, then shut off the microphone, letting her eyes
flick up towards the main screen as it displayed Niobe's yellow golem
streaking towards the surface. "Are you sure that was a good idea?"
asked Ritsuko, her tone taking a slightly bitter edge. "You said
yourself that you don't think Niobe's doing well. This might be the
worst possible thing you could do for her."
"Couldn't be worse than your synch test," replied Misato, her voice
equally bitter as her eyes continued to rest on the main screen.
"Besides, as I see it, Niobe's got more impetus to succeed now. She
knows exactly what she has to overcome." She paused, her body shifting
uncomfortably from one foot to the other, as though Misato was trying
to convince herself. "And she does have the best machine for the
operation. We can always pull her out if we need to."
Niobe's eyes flicked about her display swiftly, waiting until the
second that she saw the street to begin focusing on moving, her Eva
stepping off the launch platform as soon as the safety restraints had
disengaged. Glancing to her side, she saw the particle cannon, at
least half as tall as her Eva, a long and flattened white cannon with
an equally large shoulder harness. "The cannon fastens against your
Eva's shoulder port," announced Misato, her voice sounding slightly
reluctant. "You'll need to jettison one of your flanges."
"Understood," Niobe replied, pulling back on the handrest and shrugging
her shoulder, the motions helping her to focus as the clamps holding on
the tan and yellow flange removed themselves with a loud hiss.
Reaching up and removing the thin metal, Niobe placed it gently down on
the ground beside her, then reached down and hefted the shoulder
cannon, slowly moving the upper half into place. It clamped down fimly
upon her shoulder with another hissing noise, the suddenly added weight
feeling slightly unbalancing. Forcing the thought out of her head, she
swung the rest of the weapon into place, her right hand closing around
the handle and trigger while her spare hand helped hold the weapon
aloft.
The familiar twin red targeting cursors popped up on her screen, and
Niobe smiled, watching as her display popped open a quick windowbox
showing the Angel's position. "Just like any other operation," she
said, tightening her fingers around the trigger and letting the cursors
move towards the center slowly, simply waiting for the flash of green
to pull and destroy her opponent. "I won't fail. I'll destroy this
one, the way that I should have handled the other Angels."
"Angel's AT Field is shifting!" shouted Makoto, lunging forward
slightly as the sudden activity of the beast snapped him out of the
momentary lull. "Pattern is still blue, but fluctuating! We're seeing
traces of a green pattern now, the same as the Evas!" He paused,
hitting a few more keys. "Energy buildup is detected, but it's not
consistent with our data on the S2 organ's energy projections - it
doesn't seem to be any kind of physical attack!"
Misato said nothing immediately, but her hands reached instinctively
towards the microphone, her thumb flipping the switch as the display
shifted to the shimmering form of the Angel. It had changed its
position slightly, the gigantic wings beginning to scissor closed as an
octagonal ripple appeared above what seemed to be its head, as though
something had struck it there. Then a flare of light came from the
same spot, and though Misato still didn't know exactly what the beast
was doing she knew that it couldn't be good. "Niobe! Change your
position immediately! Jettison the particle cannon if necessary!"
Niobe heard the words clearly, but she ignored them, shoving the
handles of her cockpit forward as she tried to pump more power into her
AT Field. "No point in moving," she said firmly, watching as her field
began to manifest despite the lack of anything striking her, the red
targeting cursors growing ever closer to the center of the display.
"Whatever it hits me with, EVA-05 can take it, and I've nearly gotten a
target lock on it. Just a couple of good shots and it won't matter any
more."
Distantly aware of the sound of Misato shouting in the background,
Niobe focused on moving her cannon in minute degrees, a glint of light
showing up on her display as she trained the cannon to immaculate
precision, cursors hovering a hair's breadth away from their magical
center position. The light in her display grew sharper, but she
ignored it and grinned widely as the cursors flashed green, her teeth
gritting shut tightly as she tensed her finger.
Just before the cannon lashed out with its projectiles, Niobe felt
something tickle at the back of her mind, just enough to slow her
reactions and keep her from slamming the trigger down quite far
enough. Then the tickle became a scrape, then a tear, then a horrific
scratching sensation against the back of her gray matter, an agonizing
neural mess that speared through her body in surges of electrical
agony. "NO!" she screamed, her body spasming as she forced herself to
pull down the trigger, vision blurred by the pain, unable to see the
cursors drifting away from their locked position.
"EVA-05 is firing!" shouted Makoto, his hands still dancing across the
keyboard at alarming speeds. "The trajectory is off by at least
fifteen degrees! She's firing wildly!" He paused, then hammered down
a few more keys, eyes flicking about the computer display behind his
thin-rimmed glasses. "There doesn't appear to be any damage to the
Angel! Only fifteen shots left inside the cannon!"
"Pilot is suffering from severe neural feedback! Something inside that
beam is transmitting directly on her mental frequency!" Maya's words
managed to sound even more urgent than Makoto's, her hands moving just
as quickly as the main screen popped up a few graphs. "There's not
much at the moment, but her pain receptors are being triggered at an
alarming rate! It's rendering her Eva's targeting systems useless!
Synch ratio down to 39% and dropping fast!"
"Cut off the neural links!" snapped Ritsuko, her eyes flicking only
briefly up to the main screen as the yellow golem writhed within the
column of light. "Activate emergency ejection system! Full buffering
power to the cockpit, sever all unnecessary systems!"
"Unsuccessful!" Maya replied, a thin film of sweat beginning to emerge
on her forehead as she frowned at the display. "We've lost all
immediate contact with the Eva - it's rejecting external impulses from
within!" The younger woman paused momentarily, punching in a different
sequence of keys, struggling to make the beast respond to her
commands. "Ego and Superego are beginning to form within the Eva!
It's reacting to the Angel!"
"Niobe!" shouted Misato, staring up at the machine as it thrashed
about, arms flailing and sending the particle cannon crashing into
buildings around it. There was no response from the radio, only a wall
of static as the Eva's head seemed to shift slightly, eyes beginning to
flare a bright yellow as its entire body arched back.
Within the cockpit, Niobe could feel the scratching sensation still
clawing away at her brain, but there was something else accompanying
it, a sort of whispering voice just beyond her reach. She couldn't
quite make out the words, but she could feel a sort of slime exuding
from it, and even without the benefit of hearing it clearly she knew
that she wanted nothing to do with it. "Get -away- from me!" she
screamed, raising the cannon again, trying to aim it without the
benefit of the vanished targeting cursors. "Leave my mind -ALONE-!"
Then something stabbed through Niobe's mind like a physical object, and
she screamed, clutching at her head as the agony tore through her. Her
focus on the Eva was in no way abated, however, and she distantly felt
the gigantic machine clutching its head as well, body rocking back and
forth as the lines between the two began to blur. "I've got to destroy
it," she hissed, her teeth gritted tightly as light shone into her
eyes. "Can't let it beat me. I have to be better than this."
"But you're not." The voice was clear now if not immediately placable,
a sort of odd harmony of voices speaking as one. "You know full well
that this is the best you could ever do. Rather pathetic, isn't it?
One little insult, and you fall to pieces completely -"
"SHUT UP!" screamed Niobe, her hands moving back towards the grip of
the particle cannon as she felt her body spasm from the mental agony.
Thrusting upwards with the particle cannon, the girl ignored the world
around her and let her finger slam down, watching as the glowing white
balls of energy hurled forth from the weapon and disappeared into the
air. "JUST DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE!"
"Oh, silly Niobe, you can't kill me," hissed the voice, beginning to
sound oddly familiar. "You know that you can't kill me. You're not
good enough to even come close. A little failure like you? Don't make
me laugh, girl." There was a pause, then Niobe felt the scratching
beginning at the back of her mind again. "What is there that you don't
want to let yourself see, hmm?"
"NO!" The girl's shriek pierced the air of the control room, drawing
the attention of everyone even as the yellow machine writhed back and
forth, still smashing into the buildings around it heedlessly. "Leave
me alone! If you're going to kill me, do it, but don't leave me here
like this!"
"Particle cannon is out of ammunition," announced Makoto, his tone grim
as he stared up at the main screen. The Eva had released the cannon's
grip, grasping its head once again and leaning back further than seemed
physically possible for the yellow golem to do. "None of the shots hit
their target." He paused, briefly flicking to another display on his
own monitor. "The Angel isn't coming any closer, and it doesn't look
like it's having any difficulty maintaining the beam trained on Niobe.
Whatever it's doing, it's not going to stop."
"Damn it!" snapped Misato, slamming her fist down on Makoto's console
out of a need to hit something, not particularly caring if it unnerved
the young man. "We've got to have something else here that we can use
to hit it, something else with the range to at least see what the
beast's AT Field can take!" She paused, thumbing her chin, brow
furrowed in thought.
Gendou only flicked his eyes briefly down towards the lower level, then
trained his gaze back upon the thrashing Eva on the screen, watching as
it tore away part of a building in its spasms of agony. "This may be
it, Dr. Fuyutsuki," noted Gendou calmly, adjusting his glasses slightly
without bothering to look towards the elder man. "We may have found a
useful excuse in this Angel."
"SEELE won't like that," replied Kozou, a worried frown on his face.
He knew that he had other things to deal with, that he needed to focus
on the specifics of the operation against the Angel, but his mind was
filled with the thought that he had put the girl in the Eva, that it
was partially his work that allowed the Angel to place her through such
agony. "They'd argue that it wasn't worth the cost. They'll argue
that no matter how you decide to use the Lance."
"Exactly why this would be the best possible situation to utilize it,"
replied Gendou flatly, hands tented in front of his mouth, apparently
unaffected by the obvious pain on the screen. "We may be able to
convince them that we had no alternatives in this situation, to throw
further suspicion away from our true purpose. Even if not an optimal
situation, it may be the best we'll get."
Niobe could see the flames outside of her Eva, hear the screaming noise
of the crowd from that horrific night, feel her arms slowly shrinking
to the feeble stubs that she could remember from when she was younger.
"This isn't happening again," she hissed, forcing herself to maintain
her grip on reality, focusing on the harsh metal of the cockpit
handles, the flames flickering slightly as she closed her hands tightly
enough to send waves of pain upwards. "This isn't the truth. I'm in
Tokyo-3, in Japan, I'm sixteen..."
"You're right, you are sixteen," mocked the voice, the fire increasing
and threatening to engulf her Eva even as he struggled to regain
control. "Starting to like boys, aren't you? Going out with your
friends, partying, enjoying yourself?" The flames licked against her
display, and Niobe could feel a searing heat begin to spread through
her legs. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" screamed Niobe again, shutting her eyes tightly
and thrashing her body back and forth, distantly hearing loud crashes
as she looked down to see the legs of her plugsuit on fire. The pain
tore through her legs, and she gritted her teeth shut more tightly,
releasing the Eva's handrests and trying to slap the fire out, not even
bothering to wonder how fire could burn within the LCL. In an instant,
the flames vanished, and Niobe felt herself hurtling upwards, away from
her cockpit into a sea of LCL ringed by flames and darkness. "What are
you trying to do? Give me back my Eva!"
Another stabbing sensation tore through the girl's brain, and she
spasmed, her arms flailing for something to grab on to before she felt
her hand closing tightly around a shaft of glass. Opening her eyes,
she saw herself holding a wine glass, standing in the yard of her home
as seemingly thousands of people danced drunkenly. "This is what you'd
love, isn't it?" taunted the voice as flames began to emerge, Niobe
feeling hands begin to grab and paw her. "All the love of other
people, enjoyment, relaxing with the crowd. Giving yourself over to
the drunken tides of existence."
"That's not -true-!" screamed Niobe, lashing out and pushing away the
hands grabbing at her, her eyes darting about the yard for the door
into her house, only distantly seeing it rimmed by fire. Gritting her
teeth, she forced herself through the crowd with swift blows, feeling
sweat slicken along her body as she pushed through the masses of human
skin. "I don't want to have anything to do with other people! They
just distract me from the goal, keep me from achieving anything!"
"What about me?" asked the voice again, mockingly, echoing in Niobe's
ears as she flung herself through the door to her house. Before she
could do anything she felt another warm body fling itself on top of
her, sending her falling forward before she kicked off the unidentified
body. Snarling, she flicked her eyes back to the assailant, and her
eyes widened as she saw Ryo standing again, his skin whiter than she'd
ever seen it, only his loose pajama bottoms hanging around his waist.
"Don't you want to have something to do with me?"
"You're not Ryo!" snapped Niobe, moving swiftly away from the pale-
skinned boy as she felt the house growing hotter, flames beginning to
sprout around the room. The doors had vanished, leaving only her and
the odd apparition of Ryo standing there. "Ryo's different! He's as
focused on the goal as I am, trying to do his best! That's why I'm in
love with him, because he -helps- me focus!"
"Really? You still believe that?" The apparition of Ryo lunged
towards her, slamming her against the nearest wall and pressing his
pale body against hers, sweat mingling between the two as flames licked
about them. "This is what you want from him, isn't it? You want his
body, his touch, his contact." The apparition smiled. "You want a
relationship."
"But that's -different-!" Niobe tried to place her hands on the
apparition's chest as the flames began to sear through her plugsuit,
but Ryo pinned them against the wall, smiling all the more broadly as
the girl's clothes began to burn away. The flames weren't taking her
skin, but it made little difference as she felt the heat draw tighter,
her arms exposed to the licking flames. "I love him! He pushes me
forward!"
Her cheek stung as the figure of the boy slapped her hard, pulling
himself closer to her as sweat dripped down against her exposed skin.
"He holds you back," snarled the other, red eyes growing wider as the
face drew closer and closer to her own. "You've grown fixated on him,
Niobe Littmore. Too fixated. It's beyond a relationship." The smile
on the face grew wider, ice-cold lips touching against Niobe's.
"You're obsessed."
"Destrado impulse beginning to manifest within the pilot!" shouted
Maya, her fingers racing across the keyboard, sweat glistening along
her skin as her terror grew. "Synch ratio down to 17% and falling!
Niobe's completely out of control! All commands to the Eva unit are
failing to connect!"
Misato forced herself to take a deep breath, watching the side of the
main screen devoted to Niobe's spastic Eva, then flicking her eyes back
towards the other half of the screen. Eiko's Eva had propped the
sniper rifle against one of the buildings, cradling the weapon as
though she'd been using it since the day she was born, the Eva's head
moving slightly as Eiko glanced at the sky and then at EVA-05 in steady
patterns. "Eiko, have you gotten a target lock yet?"
"Not yet," replied the girl, her voice sounding terrified as EVA-04's
hands shifted slightly on her weapon, the barrel trembling slightly.
Within the cockpit, she could feel every minor motion of the
transparent LCL about her, her eyes flicking across her display even as
she watched the red targeting cursors draw ever closer to the center.
"It's kind of ironic, though, me using the sniper rifle now, after the
first operation I ever had."
"Irony later. There's an Angel that needs to be destroyed now."
Misato's voice was obviously tense, and Eiko couldn't help but
sympathize as she felt her eyes drawn back to the flailing yellow
machine in front of her. She had no way of defending against the Angel
if it decided to attack her, and the knowledge terrified her,
especially in light of the damage wrought upon her machine against the
Fourteenth Angel.
Taking a deep breath, Eiko forced herself to keep her eyes focused on
the targeting cursors, her finger twitching slightly against the
trigger as she watched Niobe flail about. "It's just like in
deathmatch," she hissed, her breath coming more slowly as she watched
the cursors move closer to the center, the thought of video games
calming her nerves slightly. "Vash takes point, you take backup, just
go for the headshot..."
Eiko nearly jumped at the quiet sound of the beep of the curors hitting
center, but it only lasted for a second before she slammed down on the
trigger, letting the blue-white beam of energy lash out towards the
heavens, towards the source of Niobe's agony. "Direct hit!" shouted
Eiko, her hands clenching around the handrests instinctively. "Is it
dead yet!"
Makoto's fingers keyed in a quick sequence, and the main screen was
replaced by an image of the bird-like Angel, the spindly almost-wings
of the beast spreading once again as the beam from the sniper rifle
shot towards the beast. It made no effort to move, and the beam
slammed into its AT Field harmlessly, the octagons surging outwards and
disspating the attack. "Too much energy lost in the passage from the
surface," Makoto announced reluctantly. "And that's all the energy
that we can muster for the rifle from the power grid - there simply
isn't any more available."
"God," moaned Misato, slumping forward slightly and resting her head in
her hands for just a moment, her entire body seeming to bend for just a
moment. Staring at the other woman, Ritsuko couldn't help but feel
sympathetic for Misato, knowing the burden that she had to be under.
"We've got to get her out of there. We've got to have -something-
capable of piercing that thing's AT Field."
Inside the Eva, Niobe could feel her reflexes slowing as her vision
grew more hazy, her body spasming once out of biological pleasure even
as her mind rolled with agony. "Stop it," she hissed, the Eva's
movements seeming distant as it thrashed about, the world beginning to
fade into an indistinct blur. "You're wrong. I'm not obsessed. I'm
not. -I'm- -not-!"
"Who are you trying to convince, Niobe?" mocked the voice, coming at
her from all angles as her vision blurred to nothingness. "You know
your obsession like the back of your hand. You know the nights you've
dreamt of his naked body lying against yours, the times you've tried to
sneak in a hug or a kiss..." The voice paused, and even though Niobe
could see nothing but black she could feel the grin. "The way that
you've reacted every time he's spurned you."
"He hasn't spurned me!" screamed Niobe, her hands flying to the sides
of her head instinctively as her body thrashed back and forth. The
physical agony had been bad enough, but it seemed as though the
situation was only getting worse, that the torment it seemed to want
her to go through was infinitely worse than simple pain. "He's been
testing me, making sure that he can rely upon me! He loves me the way
that I love him."
"Silly girl, don't you realize it?" snapped the voice, a leg clad in
the yellow surface of a plugsuit appearing before Niobe's eyes.
Looking up, she expected to see her own face, and gaped as she saw
Nieve standing before her, hands planted firmly on her hips. "Ryo
doesn't love you any more than he loves me. He's not -capable- of
loving -anybody-. The only one in love is you, and you're not even in
love, just infatuated." The voice paused for a moment, and Nieve began
to smile. "Besides, he wouldn't want you even if he was capable of
loving somebody. You're -ugly-."
"That's not TRUE!" screamed Niobe, lurching to her feet and letting her
hands close tightly around Nieve's neck, certain that she was
hallucinating, praying to God that she was hurting the Angel in some
way. "I'm beautiful! I know that! Everyone always told me that I was
a beautiful girl, that -"
"Lies," replied the Nieve-thing, her grin beginning to spread too far
for her face to have realistically contained it, apparently unaffected
by the other girl's tight grip around her neck. "There's nothing
attractive about you, Niobe, especially for Ryo. You're too thin, too
athletic, and without your hair you look ridiculous." The voice
paused, then Nieve's arms reached up and pulled the girl's face closer,
the grin continuing to spread to impossible width. "And you're not
even the same race as Ryo. You're -black-."
Niobe's eyes widened even further, and she released Nieve's neck for
just a moment before she let her fists slam into the center of the
girl's throat, sending both of them falling to the nonexistent floor
with a wet thud. Distantly aware of the apartment slowly fading into
view around her, Niobe ignored it, slamming her fists into Nieve's
throat, her eyes, her nose, whatever she could reach. "That doesn't
have anything to do with it!" she screamed, flailing even as she felt
another spike of pain beginning to drive through the back of her mind.
"People are people! He loves me!"
"I hate you." The quiet noise of Ryo's voice finally stopped Niobe,
and she found herself looking down at his face instead of Nieve's,
wearing his school uniform instead of a plugsuit, his face battered and
bruised. Niobe recoiled in shock, and Ryo pushed her off roughly,
slowly drawing himself up to her full height. "I hate you, Niobe.
Your appearance disgusts me. You're a failure, and you always have
been." There was a pause, then Ryo smiled sinisterly. "Stupid little
black girl, think you're better than the rest of us?"
Memories of her grade school began to flood back into Niobe's mind, and
she staggered backwards, another jab of pain pushing through her body.
"No," she hissed, unable to articulate herself any more elegantly, her
hands clenching and relaxing in slow rythyms. "This isn't real. This
isn't real. I'm not a failure. I'm not a failure."
"Of course you are, idiot," offered another voice, and Niobe whirled
her head about to see Neil standing nearby, arms folded across his
chest. "You're a disgrace. Thinking that you're the best pilot, after
everything that -I- did? I destroyed the Fourteenth, the Thirteenth,
all the Angels that you couldn't even touch. You're a disgrace
compared to me, just a weak little black girl that thinks she's better
than she really is."
"You can't blame her, though," mocked another voice, this one coming
from a clone of Nieve leaning off of Ryo's shoulder, her position
implying the obvious. "After all, she's just some weak, scared little
girl trying to make it in the outside world. She's got to pretend that
she's the best, or nobody's going to notice her, are they?"
"Do you hate us for what we are?" asked Eiko, wrapping her arms tightly
around Niobe before she even realized that the other girl was there,
her head nuzzling hard against Niobe even as her nails dug into the
plugsuit. "Because we're not you. This is our world, isn't it? We're
the ones who make these buildings, erect these walls, and all you can
do is try to be noticed as one of us."
"Why bother with her?" mocked Vash, appearing out of thin air and
leaning casually against a wall, a contemptuous smile on his face as he
stared at the girl. "After all, she's just an imitation. She has
nothing of substance to offer anybody. Dancing to our music, using our
piloting techniques, trying to be something that anyone can see that
she isn't." The boy shoved off from the wall, clenching his fists as
his features seemed to go liquid. "Copies are never as good as the
original. Don't you think so?"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" screamed Niobe, tearing free of Eiko's grasp and
shoving the girl away from her. None of the other Children seemed
affected, and as Niobe ran towards the kitchen they simply followed her
slowly. Her heart was racing as pain stabbed through her head, feet
slipping against the floor of the apartment as she ran towards the
door, struggling to free herself from the nightmare around her.
Then the door swung open, and she could see herself standing before
her, sickly thin, hair a unevenly chopped mess, eyes sunken and
bloodshot but wide open. "Mockery," hissed the double, taking a step
towards Niobe even as the girl glanced behind her. The Children were
slowly shifting to more nightmarish copies, smiles wide across their
faces as flames began to lick around the walls of the apartment. "You
destroyed yourself and you still weren't good enough. You never even
had a chance, did you?"
Her lungs swallowed a bloody gasp of smoke, and Niobe stumbled her way
into the kitchen, tears streaming down her face as she staggered away
from the doubles. Glancing to one side, her eyes went wide as she saw
her reflection, saw her form slowly changing to match that of the
doubles crowding about her, her eyes receding even as the plugsuit
began to hang more loosely about her. "No," she gaped, grasping the
handle of the nearest drawer and yanking it open, letting her hand
grope around for just a moment before it closed up what she wanted.
"No, I'm not a failure! I'm NOT!"
A knife glinted in the firelight as the doubles approached, and Niobe
brandished it for only a second before moving towards the nearest
mockery, the blade down and prepared for stabbing, her motions
practiced and smooth. Then the double simply wove aside and slammed
the girl down, sending her skidding down on the tile of the floor with
a sharp bite of pain through her body. "Worthless," snarled the
double, yanking the knife from her hand and stabbing it into Niobe's
midsection, provoking a howl of pain.
Blood was beginning to bubble up from her lips, a frothy red foam about
her lips as she felt her suit going more limp, her body shrinking into
a nearly skeletal form. "You're an embarassment," cooed the double,
lying atop Niobe and drawing the girl close, a sinister smile across
its face. "Never had even the slightest chance of victory, and you
knew it. YOU KNEW IT ALL ALONG."
"Neural interference has passed all safety barriers! Destrado at
fifteenth level and rising! The Eva's mental pathways are attempting a
connection with the pilot!" Maya's voice was panicked as she hammered
across the keyboard, struggling desperately to try and make the yellow
golem respond to some kind of command, to bring it under some sort of
control. "No positive response signals coming! Synchronization is
holding steady at 10%, but the nerve pulses are beginning to flow
backwards!"
Gendou Ikari simply stared, the only change to his expression the small
wrinkle at the corner of his mouth that might have generously been
called a smile. "We posses only one weapon that could possibly pierce
the Angel's AT Field from this range," he intoned, his voice oddly
sinister as he rose to his feet, eyes never deviating from the main
screen. "Instrument of the Second Impact... the Lance of Longinus."
"Sir, you can't be serious!" shouted Misato, her panic evident as
Ritsuko's eyes widened. It was suddenly clear to her exactly what the
commander was planning to do, and as she watched Misato's reaction she
truly understood for the first time exactly how little her friend
knew. "Using the Lance could trigger the Third Impact! There's too
much risk involved!"
"Wait!" Neil's voice cut through the air sharply, snapping the entire
control room to attention and erasing the mildest traces of a smile
from Gendou's mouth. "I just thought of something. The problem with
the sniper rifle was the fact that it didn't have enough power to
pierce the Angel's AT Field, right? What if we could provide enough
power to it?"
"That's impossible," snapped Gendou, distantly aware that his tone was
too sharp for the situation, that he was letting the barest traces of
his true desires show through despite himself. "We've tapped all the
available power, and even if we drained all of the power from the
Japanese system it would be insufficient. We lack a power source to
generate sufficient energy for -"
"My Eva." Neil's tone was equally sharp, provoking an almost
unnoticable reaction from the commander. "The S2 organ produces
effectively unlimited power, right? We could use my Eva as a power
generator, to flood enough energy into the rifle for it to break
through the Angel's AT Field!" He paused, his tone leaving little
doubt that he only liked the plan better than the more risky
alternative by a slim margin. "Would it work?"
A momentary silence filled the room, and Gendou was distantly aware of
Fuyutsuki stepping next to him, the elder man's eyes flicking about the
room as though afraid of any listeners. "This might be our only chance
to dispose of the lance," offered Kozou, leaning slightly towards
Gendou's ear. "SEELE will be suspicious, but if you tell the boy his
plan won't work we could dispose of it now."
"Unacceptable. They would know that we were attempting to do away with
it." Gendou cleared his throat more loudly, then adjusted his glasses
and nodded curtly. "Very well. Deploy EVA-01 to the surface, and
prepare the sniper rifle for another shot." The commander hesitated,
then leaned back and sat in his chair once again, hands tented in front
of his face, no visible sign of a break in his confidence.
Ritsuko had no way of knowing for certain if she was correct about
Gendou's ultimate plan, but she had little doubt that Neil had thrown
it off at least slightly, her eyes watching as the purple golem raced
up the launch shaft on the main screen. "We're going to need to be
creative for this to work," noted Ritsuko, glancing briefly towards
Maya, receiving a quick nod. "If Neil injects power directly into the
rifle, it probably won't be able to take the stress. The primary power
coupling is attached to a subgenerator, though - that could serve as an
access port."
"Fine," replied Misato, sounding as though she was exhausted, turning
towards Maya swiftly and not even bothering to glance at Ritsuko.
"Maya, how's Niobe doing?"
"Not good," replied Maya, her voice growing less panicked but more
grim, hands moving deftly across the keyboard. "Her neural activity
has taken a sharp downturn, and the pulse from the Eva has nearly
ceased to activate at all. I still can't get the ejection system to
work - the Eva's mechanics are shutting down slowly, and life support
might be on that list. We'll have one shot at this, nothing more."
His hands clenched tightly around the handrests of his Eva, Neil could
hear none of the conversation within the control center, could only
feel his machine shudded slightly as it raced towards the surface, the
rage of the Eva seeming to whisper at the back of his mind. "Can't
lose control now," he muttered to himself, forcing the handrests
forward as her heard the mechanical noise of the hatch opening above
him, machine lurching to a stop as Neil slowly took in the scene around
him. EVA-05 had finally ceased its thrashing, now leaning on the
particle cannon as though it was a cane, the golem's eyes still shining
a brilliant yellow. Eiko hadn't moved an inch, her machine simply
waiting for the chance for another shot, eyes looking towards the sky.
"All right, how do I hook up with this thing?"
"Follow the cord from the sniper rifle. It's hooked up to a
generator." Neil nodded even though he knew that the command center
couldn't see the gesture, and quickly traced his eyes along the length
of the cord, finally letting his gaze rest upon a squat green structure
that the power supply was trailing out of. "You're going to have to
use the organ to inject power directly into the generator. But it's
probably going to be enough to burn the generator out entirely, so
you're not going to have a second chance. And..."
"You can't tell me how to do it. I guessed that part." Biting his
lower lip gently, Neil knelt his machine beside the generator, then
took a deep breath and rested his hands upon it gently, trying to
extend his mind further back into the Eva's. "Come on," he coaxed,
remembering the first time that he'd managed to activate his AT Field,
certain that the procedure would be at least similar. "Just do this,
and then I'll leave you alone."
There was no response from the Eva, only a vague tickling sensation
along Neil's arms, and frowning he glanced to one side, watching the
body of Niobe's Eva slump against the cannon more and more with each
passing second, as though the golem's muscles were giving out. "Come
on, don't give out on me now," he snarled, forcing the handrests
forward, focusing on the Eva's body as fists tightened. "You've seen
the Angels do it plenty of times before now, you can certainly do it
yourself just this once..."
A brief feeling of sparks came from Neil's arms, and he found himself
wondering what the sensation was for just a moment before fire erupted
along his arms, the sudden shock of pain sending him lurching back
inside of his cockpit. The generator beneath him began to pulse with
energy, the Eva's hands glowing a bright white as energy flooded forth,
Neil trying to force himself not to panic as pain rippled up and down
his arms. "How's that?" he gasped, his fists tightening instinctively
from the sheer pain of the effort.
"Generator power at 172% of capacity," offered Makoto, his eyes
flicking back and forth between the sight of EVA-01's efforts and the
display in front of him. "No distinct reaction from the Angel - it's
maintaining its position." He paused, then glanced up at EVA-01 once
again, hands hesitating over the keyboard. "I didn't know that the S2
organ would let it manifest energy like..."
"Like the Angels?" offered Misato, leaning over and flicking on the
microphone, only letting her gaze deviate from the main screen for a
second to catch a quick nod from the young man. "I didn't, either."
She paused, then leaned into the microphone, the main screen's display
switching to EVA-04 with the sniper rifle pointed to the heavens.
"Eiko, you're going to need a target lock quickly. The generator won't
be able to handle that much power for very long."
Eiko didn't reply, instead focusing on the cursors on her screen, her
hands tight around the handrests, her mind distantly aware of EVA-05
beginning to move again slightly. "I've got to destroy it," she
hissed, her eyes narrowing to slits as the cursors hovered an almost
imperceptible distance apart. "Just let the targeting boxes line up
and pull the trigger." She waited, breathing hard, finger twitching
against the trigger of the rifle, her eyes trained closely enough to
see the exact second that the target indicator flashed green.
Neil remembered the time that he had fired the sniper rifle, but he was
certain that the sensation of the weapon's discharge couldn't compare
to the massive corona of energy that lashed out from the weapon towards
the sky, a blue-white ray that seemed to stretch on forever. It would
have been beautiful to observe except for the pain ripping through his
arms and beginning to spread through his body, the hissing voice of the
Eva still echoing in his ears. "Is it dead yet?" he asked, fists
clenching tighter.
On the main screen, everyone in the command center could see the spear
of light jabbing up from the atmosphere, pushing away clouds from the
surface of the Earth as it shot towards the Angel. If the winged beast
noticed, it made no effort to dodge, but reacted visible as the beam
struck the Angel's AT Field, the octagonal ripples surging outwards
from the point of contact even as the beam began to push the field
inward ever so slightly. "It's not enough," announced Makoto after a
moment, a few quick keypresses bringing up a new display on his
monitor. "We're still going to need more power to break through the
field - there's a lot of dissipation at this range."
Though he couldn't hear the conversation inside the command center,
Neil knew that something had to be wrong simply from the fact that he
hadn't been told to stop, that Eiko was still training the massive beam
of energy towards the sky. "Come on, damn it, die," he hissed, the
pain spreading throughout his body as he pushed even harder than he'd
dared before, eyes blurring with agony. "Just a little bit more... I
know you've got it in you..."
Without warning, Neil felt his body pitch forward as he coughed blood,
a red mist that soaked through the LCL as his body began to go numb
from pain. He was distantly aware of the noise of his Eva's fingers
crunching through the generator beneath him as white light flashed out
side of him, a dizzy feeling passing through his head at the thought of
having just hacked blood into the LCL around him. Coughing again, the
taste of blood in his mouth grew stronger, but the pain seemed to be
bleeding away, only a distant warmth rippling along his arms.
"Please," he hissed, lacking further words as he pushed the handrests
as far forward as the metal would allow.
EVA-01 applied still more pressure to the generator as its hands
cracked through the casing, energy flaring along the length of its
arms, pouring into the rifle as the beam it produced grew even wider.
The Angel on the main screen seemed to finally grow afraid of the
attack as the surge of power rippled along the beam's length, but it
was too late to do anything about it as the beam tore through the AT
Field, plunging clear through the beast's body. It spasmed once, the
beam of light that it had struck Niobe with disappearing into
nothingness, then its body darkened and seemed to dissolve, rifle beam
still firing off even as it withered away. "Fifteenth Angel
destroyed," announced Misato over the radio, her relief more than
audible. "Check on EVA-05."
Both machines began to move towards the yellow golem, Neil moving
slightly more slowly as Eiko helped him to his feet. There was no
twitch of movement from the other machine, its body slumped limply
against the gleaming white particle cannon, the setting sun casting it
into an odd shade. Within the cockpit lay Niobe, here eyes wide and
body limp, the only sign of any motion from her the tight grip of her
hands around the metal handrests and the half-open position of her
mouth.
]++[
Fluorescent lighting bled away the surface of the white hallways,
soaking into the white coats of the doctors crowding the chambers,
seeming to perfectly the icy stares that hit Ryo as he slowly walked
towards his destination. It had been quite some time since he'd been
forced to return to the hospital, something that he'd had to do only
briefly after the attack of the Fourteenth to ensure that he hadn't
suffered any permanent injuries. He could still remember sitting and
waiting within his single and lonely room after the devestating
activation of EVA-00, though, could still hear the steady and
permeating buzz of the fluorescent light, the numb hours marching away
into nothingness.
At the time, it had meant nothing to him, a simple necessity of the
situation, nothing to be worked up about. He couldn't recover that
sensation despite his efforts, couldn't help but feel some vague urging
away from the hospital room, a thought pattern as perplexing as any of
those rattling about in his head. It had never been easy for him to
undersatnd emotions, but as he slowly moved through the sterilized
corridors into the neurology ward of NERV's internal hospital, he
couldn't help but baffle at the things that were emerging slowly in his
mind, emotions that he had no names or precedents for, a conflicting
series of instructions that threatened the very foundations of his
routine.
Somehow, it didn't scare him, even though he was beginning to
understand the emotion that could only be referred to as fear, the same
uneasy break in routine that he had managed to identify from his
encounter with Nieve. The death of routine seemed to be the least of
his worries, the least frightening of the specters that loomed about
his head as he trudged towards his destination, at once dreading and
anticipating the encounter he knew that he would undergo.
"502." The words felt empty as he stood in front of the sliding door
the same soul-numbing white as the rest of the building, numbers carved
on a plastic plate to one side. The sensations bleeding through his
body were nameless to him, and as he stepped forward he could only let
them wash over his thoughts, unable to even attempt to pick out the
individual emotions and try to classify them.
Beeps filled the room, steady like a metronome, flashing devices wired
to Niobe's skin with small white pads. She was dressed in a bland blue
blouse and pants, lying limply atop her white sheets, eyes staring
towards the ceiling at nothing, her chocolate skin seemingly the only
splash of color against the white around her. As Ryo stepped over, he
could see that the light had gone out of her eyes, that all that
remained was the vaguest hints of the sparkling blue that he'd grown
accustomed to and barely even noticed himself expecting.
"Niobe," he said, his voice trembling from something that he didn't
understand as his red eyes flicked across the girl's body, arms hanging
limply at his side. "We destroyed the Fifteenth, Niobe. We did
everything that we could to try and destroy it before it hurt you too
badly, before it did anything like this to you." He paused, wishing
that there was something better to say, the mere concept of desire
feeling strangely alien to him. "Obviously, we weren't fast enough."
The girl remained silent, and Ryo stared for a moment, briefly
considering the routine that he was supposed to undergo before ignoring
it. There was a lone chair propped up against a wall, and he stepped
lightly over to it, pulling it up to the side of Niobe's bed, sitting
in it rather woodenly as he stared down at her. "I was only supposed
to come down to see what had happened to you," he explained, fully
aware that the girl couldn't hear him. "But I don't think I'm going to
leave just yet."
Sighing, Ryo tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling along with
the girl, his memories casting him back to the activation of his own
Eva once again. "They don't know exactly what the Angel did to you,"
he offered, words quiet, almost drowned by the humming of the
fluorescent light. "You suffered from catastrophic levels of neural
feedback, enough to kill a fully-grown woman at the height of her
health." He paused. "But you didn't die. They don't know if you'll
ever snap out of your trance, if you'll ever be able to even speak to
another human being again, but you lived through it."
A beep issued forth from one of the machines, and Ryo found himself
leaning towards Niobe, his hands resting upon his knees. "You were
amazing, Niobe. Even without destroying the Angel, you were simply
amazing. Anyone else would have died out there, but you... you even
stayed synchronized with your Eva the whole time, even after you should
have been completely unconscious." His lower lip trembled slightly,
the words seeming to catch in his throat. "You never lost sight of the
goal, never wavered for so much as a second. You... you just kept
trying, certain that you could win if you just tried hard enough."
Niobe's chocolate skin seemed inexplicably inviting to Ryo for reasons
that he couldn't explain, her hands lying open as if waiting for
something to take them. Ryo hesitated for a second, then placed his
hand in hers, clasping both hands around hers, feeling the warmth seep
from her skin into his, the dark skin contrasting against his own
paleness. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he whispered, taking a deep breath,
staring at the girl, wanting her to move, to react in some fashion.
Thoughts ran through Ryo's head of what had passed between the two of
them since they had met, all of their conversations, the times that she
had been angry with him and the times that she had wanted to talk with
him. Biting his lower lip, he simply stared for a moment before he
felt the slightest droplet of moisture splatter against his hand,
enough to make him look down, the small traces of water glistening in
the fluorescent light. "Am I... crying?" he asked, the sensation
flooding through his body unfamiliar and far from pleasant. "Am I
crying?"
More tears splattered down against Ryo's hand, his vision blurring
slightly as he looked up towards the girl's face again, the empty stare
that seemed less like the girl he remembered and more like a mask of
sadness. "Yes," he whispered, slowly beginning to realize the emotions
tumbling about within his chest. "I'm crying. This is... this is
sorrow."
Choking a sob, Ryo felt what seemed to be a floodgate open within his
chest, and a horrific pain that had nothing to do with physical agony
tore into him as he squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry, Niobe," he
sobbed, tears streaming from his eyes and dampening the bed as he
clutched the girl's hand more tightly, his body trembling for reasons
that he couldn't understand, breath coming more slowly as he slowly
opened his eyes again. "God, Niobe, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm
sorry!"
Ryo's hands released the girl's hand, and in desperation he embraced
her, his arms gripping her tightly as he sobbed against her stomach,
the gentle warmth of her body only aggravating the sadness racing
through his head. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he gasped, shaking his
head as his hands stroked her back. "I didn't want to hurt you, Niobe,
I just didn't know. I didn't understand. Oh, God, I was trying to
understand, I just couldn't, I wanted to, I didn't want to make this
happen!" His sobs grew in intensity, the chair slipping out from
beneath him and leaving him leaning over the bed, body broken.
"Please, Niobe, say something," he gasped, eyes buried against the
girl's skin, his mind recalling every moment that he'd seen her up
close, the beautiful curves of her body, the realization of her
feelings only compounding his sorrow. "You didn't have to prove
yourself to me, to anybody. Not to me of all people. I..." He
choked, body shuddering violently as he tried to pull the girl closer.
"I'm just a tool. I'm no better than an Eva unit, for never noticing
the wonderful girl that I was hurting, for the way that you wanted me,
for all the horrible things I... I..."
The boy's voice trailed off into sobs, back bent and body defeated as
he leaned against Niobe, wailing into the nothingness of the white
walls around him, his fingers digging into the girl's back. He could
only feel the horrible pain that encompassed his heart, wishing that he
had been smarter, that he had never been brought into the world to hurt
the girl. She simply lay motionless, unaware of the boy that was
crying for the first time in his life against her body, eyes staring
sightless into a world filled with her imaginary failures.
]++[
It had, all things considered, been a trying week for Gendou Ikari, but
he had long ago taught himself not to be held back by minor details, to
push on no matter the tragedy. It was a skill he had learned when he
had first lost Yui, something he'd learned well enough to only barely
react to losing his son. The atrocity witnessed on Niobe was a
tragedy, a fact that more than registered in his mind, but as the
holographic monoliths of SEELE appeared around him he forced himself to
focus on the task at hand, reminding himsefl that sacrifices
occasionally had to be made.
"Fifteen seals on the Chamber of Gaf have been broken," intoned the
harsh voice of Keel, chairman of the group, the only one whose face
Gendou could see without the benefit of any aid. "This was a far more
impressive run than the previous Angels, Ikari. Destroyed without the
destruction of any Eva units."
"A worrisome matter, however, the fate of EVA-05's pilot," offered
another one of the monoliths, this with the same universally aged voice
of the SEELE constituents. "EVA-07 arrives in Tokyo-3 soon, and we
find ourselves short of one useful pilot. Have you at all prepared for
this eventuality?"
"Unnecessary," replied Gendou, inwardly pleased at the fact that his
minor failure of the day had wound up being beneficial, diverting
attention away from his own activities. "EVA-05 has a pilot awaiting -
the Second will prove to be a suitable replacement, should the need
arise for the Eva's deployment again. As for EVA-07..." He hesitated
briefly, taking just the slightest moment to let the members mull over
what he was going to suggest. "I was going to bring in the Seventh."
There was a momentary pause, the barest of murmurs rippling through the
darkened air of the room, Gendou managing to surpress the smile that
nearly flooded across his lips. "You are treading on dangerous ground,
Ikari," spoke Keel at length, voice echoing throught the chamber. "You
know full well of our objections to the alleged Seventh Child,
especially in light of the circumstances surrounding the designation."
"Only two seals remain, and we are in need of pilots. There is little
space to be fussy about details at the moment." He paused, pushing his
glasses further up his nose, confident that there was little SEELE
could do to aggravate this portion of his plan. "More to the point,
the Child has been designated and proven acceptable for the task of
piloting the Eva unit. We will need all of the pilots to ultimately
achieve our goal - without the Sixth, there is a gap in our sequence
that can only be repaired in one fashion."
"You may utilize the Seventh freely, Ikari," replied one of the hateful
old voices hidden by the holographic monolith. "Simply understand that
it draws scrutiny towards your actions." There was a pause. "But you
tell us that you have nothing to be suspicious of. So there should be
no difficulty with a closer look at the workings of your organization,
should there?"
"And there is none," replied Gendou, knowing full well that the SEELE
members were struggling to make him sweat, to make him give in to their
pressures and expose himself. He had expected no less, and he took
some small pleasure in giving them nothing to cling to or look further
into. "I will bring in the Seventh within one week's time, before the
arrival of EVA-07. If you have any further questions about the
deployment, feel free to ask me at the time."
"We have more questions for you -now-," rumbled Keel, obviously aware
of what Gendou was doing. The eldest man had always been the smartest
of SEELE's members, something that Gendou respected as much as he
respected the group's power. "We are aware that during the engagement
with the Fifteenth Angel, you discussed using the Lance of Longinus to
destroy the Angel." There was a pause. "Would you care to explain
yourself?"
"There is little to explain," replied Gendou calmly. "The Angel was
out of range of all but two of our weapons. One weapon was
inaccessible and out of ammunition due to EVA-05's condition, and one
was unable to generate sufficient power to pierce the Angel's AT
Field. There was only one piece of our arsenal that seemed as though
it could satisfy the needs of the situation, until the Third suggested
an alternative course of action." He paused. "An alternative only
made possible by the fact that his Eva unit possesses an S2 organ."
"Ofuscation is not appreciated at the moment," offered another one of
SEELE's members, the tone almost amused, the first one of the member
voices that Gendou could remember being the slightest bit worried by.
It implied to him that SEELE knew more than he thought they did, that
he was walking on more tenuous ground than he'd expected, something
that nearly provoked a reaction from him. "You had been ready to use
the Lance, despite how critical it is to our designs. How would we
have retrieved it from orbit after the destruction of the Fifteenth?"
"Unless the Angels are destroyed, we stand no hope of ever opening the
Chamber of Gaf, Lance or no Lance," replied Gendou firmly, adjusting
his glasses once more. "I was in no way enamoured with the thought of
utilizing the Lance, but there were no alternatives open when I
suggested it." He paused, letting his words sink in. "But EVA-01
provided a viable alternative, leaving the matter irrelevant. The
Lance remains within Central Dogma, along with Her body."
"Do not attempt to cross us, Ikari," warned Keel's voice, the monoliths
surrounding Gendou slowly fading into nothingness. "We have waited too
long and placed too much effort into this project to relinquish it
without a fight. If you move too far, we will strike you down, have no
doubt."
Gendou simply stared at the monoliths before him until they faded away
to nothingness, letting the darkness slowly encircle the room until
their was nothing else remaining besides the pool of light that he sat
in. He could still feel a vague tension in the back of his head,
brought on in no small part by the amusement of the SEELE members, as
though his pretensions of keeping secrets from them was nothing but his
own deluded fantasy. Forcing a sigh, he pushed back in his seat and
stood, letting his arms hand loosely to his sides and turning towards
the door.
As he'd grown to expect, the door had already slid open before he was
halfway across the room, the silhouette of the familiar girl standing
in front of him. "You were unable to dispose of the Lance," she said,
her words offering no pretense of being anything but bare facts, light
flitting through her thin hair. "Dr. Fuyutsuki has mentioned that we
may have no further chances to remove the Lance from the equation, that
we may be left with the lance in the equation no matter our efforts."
"It certainly appears that way at the moment," replied Gendou, only
slightly unnerved by the girl's presence as he stepped towards her.
"But we need not worry too greatly about the continued presence of the
artifact. Even if it does remain within our possession, our project
should be close enough to completion so that we will be prepared to
complete it before SEELE has a chance to complete their own goals."
The girl simply nodded, waiting for Gendou to step out of the room and
past her before following behind him, her eyes focused on him as they
stepped towards the elevator. "What of Ryo?" she asked, her voice flat
as fluorescent lights traced across their bodies, the lighting thinner
due simply to how low in the structure the corridors were. "Well he be
departing to take his place soon?"
"Ryo has proven unsuitable," replied Gendou flatly, the barest note of
regret creeping in to his voice as they walked slowly towards the end
of the hallway. "There is too high a risk associated with his soul,
too much contamination from his exposure." He paused for an instant,
letting himself think on what might have caused the change in the boy,
having only the slightest suspicions. "We have prepared an
alternative, and he will be deployed for the project instead. It is
regrettable, but there are no alternatives."
"Of course," she replied, standing a few feet behind Gendou as he
pressed the button for the elevator, her body rigid. "You did,
however, have to remove the Sixth from the equation. Without her,
SEELE may be able to succesfully -"
"We will simply have to assure that they cannot complete the sequence,"
replied Gendou, his voice slightly tense as the elevator doors dinged
open. "If we destroy the next two Angels before they are able to
prepare their own devices... we may be able to jump ahead of them, to
allow humanity's ascension before they can proceed with their own
degradation." He paused, glancing only briefly towards the girl's red
eyes before hitting the button for the elevator to send them lower in
the structure. "It is a difficult burden to bear, certainly. But
somebody must save us."
]++[
Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.
Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.
Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but
that's more than I know.
Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.
NEXT EPISODE:
Strung along for years on end.
Strung out and lowered in dignity.
Strung across the arms of a cross.
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 22: CRUCIFIX OF HEARTS
"If we can't take care of six teenagers, how the hell can we be
expected to take care of the entire planet?"
]++[
We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.
Electronic Transcendence Productions:
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.
Rants:
