]+ ELECTRONIC TRANSCENDENCE PRODUCTIONS +[
presents

]+ NEON EPOCH +[
]+ E V A N G E L I O N +[

]+ EPISODE 24: THE END TIMES +[

By Eliot "Lostfactor" Lefebvre

Based off of "Shin Seiki Evangelion" by GAINAX

]++[

Let my persecutors be put to shame,
but keep me from shame;
let them be terrified,
but keep me from terror.
Bring on them the day of disaster;
destroy them with double destruction.
- JEREMIAH 17:18

]++[

The artificial noise of the television hissed in through the cracks in
the wall, beyond the soundproofing that Vash had always wished that he
had. It would have been the perfect sanctuary, he knew, if only he
could have found a way to block out the sound. The man had never been
able to handle closed doors when he was drunk, not possessing the
coordination necessary to wrap his fingers around the handle. But the
sound was still able to worm its way through, to find just the right
way to bleed through the walls, to keep him from being able to outright
ignore the man that sat outside.

Still, for the first time that he could remember, Vash was only
peripherally concerned with his father's drunkeness, his eyes and
thoughts focused instead on the mosaic of pictures that lay strewn
around his bed. There was the slightest blur in his vision from slowly-
growing tears, his hands slowly moving across the crystaline images as
his father laughed outside. "I wish we'd gone out," he muttered,
fingers closing around a picture and drawing it towards him. "It could
have been tonight."

He and Eiko were happy in the picture, his arms wrapped tightly around
her midsection as a jet of water splashed against her, a moment that
should have been dynamic but was left as a sort of frozen monument.
"We were... what, twelve?" he asked of nobody, studying the picture
meticulously. "Goofing around over at Kensuke's house, and I was on
the opposite team." He smiled. "Hikari was so mad at her for not
fighting harder. But she wasn't really mad, she was just..."

A sigh gently trickled out of Vash's throat, followed by a choked noise
and a shaking of his head. "Hikari's already moved away," he said,
trying to remain calm. "I'm not going to say goodbye to Kensuke, not
the way that he left. That just leaves you and I, doesn't it? Toji
goes where you do, doesn't he?"

Nobody answered, and the boy sighed as he let the fragment of the past
slip between his fingers and flutter to the floor, falling backwards
against the pillows of his bed as his eyes drifted closed. He had been
waiting for the girl to call him for what seemed like an eternity, a
call he didn't want to receive but one he knew would come surely
enough. "End it," he muttered, his hands clenching to fists against
the glossy surface of the photographs beneath his fingers.

Moments passed in silence from Vash, the only response the drunken
laughter of his father. He could feel anger building within him as he
waited for what seemed like an eternity, until it reached the breaking
point and forced him into motion. His fists slammed down against the
photos, depressing the soft mattress and burying the photographs
within. "END IT!" he shouted, his eyes flying open, gaze narrowed and
breath coming hard.

Only another laugh from his father answered his would-be plea, and with
another sigh he slumped back against the bed, his fists slowly
clenching and relaxing. There was no doubt in his mind that Eiko would
call him sooner or later, that she would tell him that it was time that
they went their separate ways. It was a foregone conclusion, and while
he loathed the thought he also doubted that there was any other
possible outcome. What grated on his mind was simply the waiting, the
way that she was forcing him to simply lie and patiently expect the
girl to call him at her leisure, as though it made no difference to him.

More laughter echoed into the room, and Vash sighed again, lacking the
energy to do much else. "This is what I get for being me," he
muttered, shaking his head as one hand moved across the bed and swept
off the mosaic of photographs. "The second that I stopped behaving the
way that I should... just like I always knew it would happen. My own
stupid fault."

Lying back fully on the bed, Vash slowly inhaled and exhaled, focusing
on the steady motion of his longs to distract him from the pain and
irritation of waiting. "I need a drink," he muttered, hearing his
father's regretless laughter once again, slowly understanding why his
father acted the way that he did.

]++[

Time was passing in agonizing slow motion for a girl who was accustomed
to squeezing every moment of wakefulness into productivity. It was a
hated change, to suddenly be able to only wait patiently for the
doctors to come and tell her what was happening, to wait for the sparse
bits of interaction that she had. In the back of her mind, Niobe
couldn't help but wonder if it might have been better to have no
machines surrounding her, to allow silence that would eny her the
ability to keep track of the steady passage of time.

Her head gently turned towards the various monitors crowded on one side
of the bed, steadily beeping and displaying vital conditions in the
form of indecipherable graphs and blocky numbers. "Won't even let me
have a book," she muttered, sighing and closing her eyes as her body
shifted beneath the thin cotton sheets. "I wonder if Joseph would
bother to do anything about it if he knew what was going on."

Another sigh passed her lips, brought on simply by the thought of her
father. She had no way of knowing whether or not he was aware of her
condition, whether or not he had made any attempts to contact her after
their last devestating exchange, or even whether or not he had died.
All she knew was what the doctors and nurses told her, and that was
almost wholly contained within the room. Even how long she'd been
lying comatose seemed to be classified information; attempting to get a
straight answer had been fruitless, and the only allusion that she'd
managed to wrestle out of the staff was that it was long enough for
another Child to enter the picture.

"Not that it should matter to me," she muttered, her fingers clenching
into fists and pulling the sheets with them almost unconsciously. "I
failed for the last time. They wouldn't let me inside an Eva again
even if I could pilot one."

She could remember the doctor's words with painful clarity - "There's a
good chance that your mental damage has had permanent effects upon your
abilities." He'd almost seemed gleeful about it, informing her that
her sense of balance might not return to normal for years, that she
would most likely be haunted by nightmares for the rest of her life,
that she may find remembering certain individuals or events
impossible. That had been bad enough, but he'd saved the worst for
last. "We're still unsure of the exact nature of the ability to pilot
the Evangelion units," he had said. "But it's very likely that your
ability has been diminished or excised completely."

That day had been the worst, and simply thinking of it sent a small
shiver down her spine. She'd begged them to dunk her in some LCL and
run a synch test, to let her in some way prove that she could still at
least attempt to pilot an Eva, but they'd informed her that the
decisions had already been made. "I stay until I'm considered
recovered, then they ship me back to Africa," she muttered, shaking her
head for her own benefit, the sound of her own voice a welcome
distraction. "God damn it, they're not giving me any more chances. I
really blew it."

Another sigh hissed past her lips, her body feeling unbearably heavy,
the simple thought of returning home feeling like a death sentence.
She knew that her parents would never accept her again, that even
though she'd had no chances left the failure would be considered hers.
"Why me?" she whispered, almost disbelieving the words as she said
them, her mind condemning her for asking a question she knew the answer
to. "Why do I have to be the one to -"

Clicking and whirring came from the door, and she quickly shut her
mouth as she turned her gaze towards the metal portal, eyes focusing
only slowly. It took what seemed like an eternity for them to slide
open with their characteristic hiss, but Niobe was looking forward to
it on some level - she knew that with it came the doctors, and that
meant at least a momentary break in the daily nothingness.

Her eyes widened noticably when she saw Ryo walking through the door, a
loose white t-shirt hanging around his upper body and trailing about
the slacks of his school uniform. "Ryo?" she asked, disbelieving as he
stepped towards the nearest chair.

The boy nodded, then grabbed the chair and moved it towards the bed,
letting Niobe catch the barest glimpse of something blue and
rectangular tucked beneath one arm. "I'd been coming to see you up
until three days ago, when you woke up. This was the first time that
the doctors would let me back in to the facility. They said that you
were in a delicate condition."

"It means that they're still trying to figure out how I managed to
survive the Angel," replied Niobe weakly, turning her head away from
Ryo. She didn't have the energy or the mobility to cry or tear herself
away from his presence, but the stare of his blood-red eyes hurt no
less. "I thought I told you to go away when I woke up."

"You did," replied Ryo, his voice sounding oddly halting. "So I left.
But..." He paused momentarily, making small noises that sounded like
half-formed words. "I don't have to follow everyone's directions."

Niobe knew that the statement sounded a little odd, but she had little
interest in pressing the matter. "You don't have to be here, you
know," she mumbled, half to her pillow. "You've got other things to
do, I know. Synch testing, combat training, everything that a normal
pilot does."

"Finished synch testing for the day, and my next scheduled training
session is two weeks away." He paused. "I should probably be getting
back to school at some point, but even the administration has stopped
caring about attendance. There's been a massive exodus from the
school." Another pause, this one wrought with a more awkward air.
"Besides, I had to bring you your books."

Turning back towards the boy out of curiosity, Niobe couldn't tell
whether she felt ecstatic or resentful as he drew the small rectangular
bundle out from under his arm. "There were a number of books within
your room, but I assumed that only the ones with the bookmarks between
the pages were ones that you were actually reading." He gently lay the
books on the bed, a half-smile trying to cross his lips. "Did I miss
any of them?"

A moment of concentration passed before Niobe could prop herself up
enough to get a decent look at the hardcover books, her eyes tracing
the words along the covers. Military strategies, combat tactics,
secrets of personal defense... all books she knew that Joseph had
picked out for her, if not personally than by unquestionable
recommendation. "This is all of them," she replied, flatly. "They
haven't let me have any books here. Don't know if I'll be needing
these, though."

Ryo said nothing immediately, simply studying the girl's face as she
idly opened and closed the top book. "Why not?" he asked, voice
surprisingly quiet even for him.

"They don't think that I'll be able to pilot an Eva any more," she
replied with a sigh, shoving the books away from her. "All this
information on how to be a better pilot, and now it's all useless.
Whatever the Angel did to me..." She sighed again, turning her head
away from Ryo. "They're just keeping me here to run a few more tests
and make sure that I won't keel over on a flight back to Africa. Then
they're shipping me out."

"You can't be serious." There was conviction in Ryo's voice, a force
that Niobe couldn't remember ever hearing from the boy. "NERV can't be
ready to just... get rid of you like that. Even if you can't pilot the
Eva any more, you can -"

"All the decisions have already been made," she replied flatly. "I was
only a peripheral element in the whole process - they let me know the
other day, but I wasn't given any choice in the matter." Pausing, she
let herself turn her head partway towards Ryo, just enough to see him
out of the corner of her eye. "I suppose on some level it's a good
thing. It'll be... different, but better."

"Niobe, I... I don't want you to go." Ryo's voice was tenative, this
time as if he was afraid of hearing himself admit to any emotion. It
was enough to draw her gaze back towards him completely. "Even if
you're not part of NERV any more, I'll let you stay in the apartment.
You can have your room back - everything's still there -"

The girl shook her head just forcefully enough to stop Ryo from
continuing, his voice trailing off weakly. "They'd never let me stay.
At this point I'm an embarassment to the organization." She paused,
sinking her head. "Besides that... part of the reason that I'm looking
forward to leaving is you."

Ryo's blood-red eyes went wide, and Niobe stared into them, sensing the
turmoil just beneath them. She had no idea what had brought on the
sudden outpouring of emotion, only knew that she was tired of trying to
prove herself worthy to the boy when she knew she'd failed long ago.
"I envied you, Ryo. You were everything that I couldn't hope to be.
You were just so... focused, so unquestioning. I thought that if I
just tried hard enough, I could be like you..."

The trailing sentence hung in the air for a moment before Niobe picked
it up again, daggers of resentment stabbing inward. "I thought that I
was in love with you. I don't know what I really felt. Maybe just
envy. Maybe even hatred. But I knew that I had to be better to earn
your love, to make you look at me as something other than... well, me."

Both Children simply stared at one another for a moment, Niobe's words
hanging heavy between them. "You don't understand," Ryo whispered at
length, inching closer to the girl. "There's nothing about me to be
envied. I'm just -"

"Please." It was a quiet statement, but forceful enough to keep the
boy quiet as Niobe sighed and shook her head. "I don't think I'd want
to stay if I could, at least unless I was piloting again. I don't know
if I could take looking at you every day and seeing my failure."
Biting her lip, she hung her head in shame, her fingers clenching
against the bedsheets. "I've already lost so much, Ryo. Every time I
look at you just reminds me of that."

The expression on the boy's face had gone back to the unemotional mask
that Niobe was accustomed to - a simple, blank stare in her general
direction, almost as if he was bored by listening to her. "Of course,"
he muttered, standing from the chair and casting his eyes away from the
girl. "I will pack up your clothes for you. Let somebody know if you
want more books, and I will pick them up. Without school, I have
little to do."

Something was wrong, and Niobe knew it, but she couldn't bring herself
to do anything but stare at the boy as he turned away from her bed and
walked slowly towards the door. A hiss and a whir, and he was gone,
light blue hair swishing around his pale neck, leaving Niobe alone on
the bleached-white sheets, surrounding by nothing but machines.

"He didn't say anything," she whispered to herself, feeling her eyes
grow hot and watery. "I told him that I thought I loved him, and he...
he..."

Droplets of water fell from the girl's eyes, and with a heavy sigh she
lay herself flat on the bed, pressing her head into the soft warmth of
the pillow as best she could. She didn't know what she would do once
she left Tokyo-3, but even as she knew it would be bad she also was
looking forward to it. Anything she could think of would be better
than what was happening.

]++[

It was a quiet day at the school, something that Eiko couldn't help but
notice on a regular basis. She'd never been fully aware of just how
much she took in from the world around her, only peripherally - it was
only when she picked out a subject for drawing that she really paid
specific attention to details. But she could tell that everything was
wrong in the school around her. It was painfully clear to her, grating
on her senses like fingernails on a chalkboard.

Somehow, it was made even worse by the tiniest details, by the things
that she would have normally thought of as immaterial. She had never
paid more attention that was necessary in school, but the tired and
disinterested tone of the lecture drove home the oddity of the
situation around her. Hikari and Kensuke had been gone for long enough
that she almost didn't notice it, but coupled with Vash's inexplicable
silence it made her feel painfully alone.

Vash. Hard as she tried, Eiko couldn't sort out her feelings about the
boy, something in no way helped by his uncharacteristic behavior. It
was bad enough that he seemed to have erected a wall between the two of
them, but he seemed to have already assumed that he had lost her
affections to Neil. Eiko had no idea how to deal with that, not even
entirely sure that she had any affections for Neil in the first place.

"It's undeniable, isn't it?" she muttered to herself, wringing her
hands anxiously as the sunlight filtered through the slowly-moving
leaves above her. "You know that you like him. You've liked him since
the day you met. It's just not something that you expected this soon."

The statement still left her feeling uncomfortable in ways that she
couldn't put her finger on, and she felt a slight chill pass through
her despite the typical heat of the day. Neil was an enigma to her
emotionally, one made no clearer by his insistence at his own devilish
leanings. She wanted, more than anything, to believe that her
reluctance to make a decision on her feelings towards him sprang from
that revelation, but she knew that wasn't the case, that there was
something far more fundamental that hovered just out of the reach of
her perception.

Eyes closed, she heard Neil's approach before she saw him, her thoughts
whirling about the heart of the matter like hunters circling a beast
beyond their abilities to fight. He was wearing a deep red shirt with
the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, skin startingly pale despite his
long time spent within Tokyo-3, blonde hair blowing lightly around his
face and framing his emerald eyes. There was something unusual about
him, an unnatural sort of inner luminescence that radiated something
less tangible than light. "Hey," he said simply, hands jammed into his
pockets, face seemingly calm on the surface but betraying tension lying
just beneath.

"Hey," she replied, unsure of any other way to reply, trying to stop
the nervous wringing of her hands. "I was getting a little worried -
you were kind of late."

"Yeah. Sorry about that." He moved over to the bench that she was
sitting at, sitting down firmly, tension flickering across his face
just beneath his expression. "Nieve and I had to have a talk about...
something," he offered after a moment, almost as an afterthought.

"Oh." The reminder stung and drove home her own insecurities about the
situation, something that she hardly liked to be reminded of. "It's
not really a big deal at the moment. There's barely any school to
speak of at the moment - it'll hardly matter if I go back on time or at
all." She paused, letting the silence sit in the air for a moment, her
own apprehensions and worries besetting her. "Do you mind if I ask
what you and Nieve were talking about?"

"Kind of," replied the boy, hanging his head slightly. "We've had...
things happened. Around us, and with us. It... it's just
complicated. There's no other way to put it." He sighed. "You know,
I really didn't come to Tokyo-3 looking for a relationship, especially
after I found out why I was brought here in the first place."

Eiko's chest tightened slightly, something inside of her tugging in a
way that she couldn't remember feeling before. "Then why do you stay
with Nieve in the first place?" she asked. "I know it's not my place
to ask, really, but..."

"Can we please stop talking about this?" asked Neil, a harsh
undercurrent of stress lying within his question. "I've never tried to
analyze your relationship or why you stay with Vash, and I don't
pretend to know all the intimate secrets that make it work."

"-Made- it work," replied Eiko weakly, her eyes flicking towards Neil.
His gaze remained downturned, as though he felt guilty or angry - she
couldn't tell which. "It's over between us now, I'm sure of it. We
haven't really said as much to one another, but... it's just one of
those things. I'm certain."

Neil continued to avoid her eyes, and after a moment she pulled them
away from him, feeling a deep red flush surge into her cheeks, unsure
of why she bothered to tell him that she and Vash were breaking up.
She didn't know what to do, and it was a feeling of weightlessness that
scared her, not the sort of buoyant feeling that she'd had the first
time she'd met Neil.

"I'm sorry," the boy offered at length, languidly turning his gaze
towards her as a fresh breeze ruffled the trees above them. "That
wasn't fair, what I said."

"Your relationship, not mine. You choose whether or not you want to
let me in on it." She sighed, hanging her head. "I'm sorry, too. I
feel like I haven't been myself lately, the way that everything's been
changing..." She sighed again. "Ever since you came, actually.
Nothing's been the same since then."

"Don't say that," requested Neil, pulling his eyes away from Eiko and
staring up into the slowly swaying tree branches. "Please don't say
that. I don't know if I can deal with that right now."

Another surge of tension echoed in Eiko's chest as she cautiously
turned her eyes towards the boy sitting beside her, as though she was
afraid looking on him would cause her to go blind. His face was drawn,
tired, and Eiko realized something that she should have known, that the
conversation between he and Nieve had not simply been a discussion of
something amiable. "What... do you mean by that?"

"We were arguing, all right?" Neil's eyes had snapped shut, something
in his expression changing at the question. It was only barely
visible, but Eiko knew it was there, saw it in every line of his face
even as she found herself unable to describe it. "We were having an
argument about why I'd asked to spend a night alone."

Eiko's chest was tensed near to the breaking point now, and she
couldn't help but inch closer to the boy. "Why did you?" she asked,
volume scarcely above a whisper.

"I can't talk about this with you," replied Neil in a tone that sounded
less angry and more frustrated. He pushed himself off the bench,
raising his hands to his forehead, muttering under his breath as he
quickly paced a short distance away from the bench. "God, why did all
of this have to happen..."

A whisper began to escape the girl's lips, a question that she hadn't
the courage to ask but that Neil seemed to know anyways. "I said why
did all this have to happen NOW," he offered, whirling to face her,
emerald eyes reflecting an emotion that excited and scared her. He
looked tortured in ways that Eiko couldn't begin to imagine. "I don't
understand why it had to be now, right now, that you and Vash start
breaking up for good. Things could finally have started to get... to
get... I don't know."

"Neil, you're babbling," offered Eiko, standing and stepping towards
the boy slowly, trying to keep her face calm as she touched her hand to
his shoulder gently. "Relax. Just tell me what's going on, and I
promise that I won't be mad."

The boy's eyes momentarily met hers, and he shook his head, pulling
himself away from her hand. "Why did you have to be on that hill
there?" he asked, sounding almost plaintive. "Why couldn't you have
been somewhere else? Better yet, why couldn't you and Vash be reaching
the breaking point then, not now?"

Both Children stared into one another's eyes for a moment, a motion
that they could only sustain for a few seconds before Eiko forced
herself to pull away. There was a growing discomfort in the pit of her
stomach. "I don't understand what you're talking about," she said as
flatly as possible, trying her best to remain calm.

"You have to. -Please- tell me you do." He sighed, obviously
overwrought. "Or maybe it would be better if you told me you had no
idea after all. Maybe that would be the most tolerable option left.
Then we could just go on with our lives normally, as though nothing bad
passed between us, just..."

Silence hung in the air for a moment, only broken by the gentle and
steady stirring of the leaves around the Children. "I like you, Eiko,"
said Neil at length, his voice sounding terrified and hopeful, broken
and energized, a mass of contradictions forced into noise.

"I like you too," replied Eiko, knowing full well what he meant and
wishing that she didn't.

An eternity passed again before the girl felt his hand on her shoulder,
a slight start passing through her body as she turned to face him. "I
thought that... I thought that there was no chance of us being..." He
stammered for a moment. "You know. When Nieve arrived, I just...
neither of us expected for anything to happen. Something did anyways.
It wasn't as though we'd been planning it." He sighed. "I sound like
I'm apologizing to my wife."

Eiko's eyes were wide, flicking about the terrace, taking in the
details around her in the hope of finding something stable to clasp
onto. She could feel herself drawing the smooth mosaic of light and
shadow in her mind, the way that the patterns played across the gray
stone and surrounded both her and Neil. "I don't know what to say,"
she said, having no difficulty whatsoever sounding sincere.

"Neither do I. I'm ad-libbing this." He sank his head slightly, his
hand tightening slightly on her shoulder. "We shouldn't even be having
this conversation. This is wrong, and we both know it."

"Why?" replied Eiko, reaching a hand out to his cheek, letting her
fingers brush against his skin lightly. It was smooth, delicate, a
wonderfully soft sensation, but somehow it almost made her recoil, as
though there was something innately wrong with touching it. "Why is it
wrong for us to talk about this? We're friends, right? We can be
honest with mone another, can't we?"

"I'm with Nieve," replied Neil, breaking his grip on Eiko's shoulder,
the subtle torment from before surging from behind his eyes once
again. "You don't understand what life is like for her, the things
that she's been forced to suffer. It isn't fair for anyone, least of
all her, least of all someone so genuinely good-hearted and..." He
shook his head, just weakly enough to avoid removing her hand
entirely. "I can't."

"Do you love her?" asked Eiko, drawing Neil's eyes back towards her
with an almost unnatural speed. She could only match his gaze for a
moment or two, then forced herself to turn away, lids closing halfway
over her eyes. "That's the question, right? Do you love her?"

"Even if I said no, it wouldn't make it the right thing to do," Neil
replied, casting his eyes away from the girl as well. "I'm with her
now. I... I can't leave her." He sighed. "Don't you understand,
Eiko? Don't you know what that would mean about me as a person? I
don't want to do that, even if..."

Another breeze stirred the branches overhead, sending the light and
shadow mosaic into a tumult, the specks of light shifting all about
stone pattern as if caught within a cyclone. Eiko felt the tension in
her chest grow as she reached out weakly towards Neil, her hand
touching and holding his cheek once again, this time forcing him to
look at her. "It's not wrong," she whispered. "We're not doing
anything wrong."

Neil said nothing as the girl's lips moved closer to his, her eyes
slowly closing in time with his, their bodies moving in an intricate
and agonizingly slow collision course. A mumbled noise passed the
boy's lips, but it was too quiet to comprehend. His hands simply moved
to the small of her back, pressing against her skin gently but firmly,
sending a minor rush of excitement tingling along her spine. It seemed
as though the instant before the kiss would go on forever as she slowly
moved bother her hands to the sides of his head, her fingers tangling
about in his blonde hair, something inside her slowly breaking apart.

Then, almost as if by accident, their lips touched. It was a moment
surprising in its inevitability, and in the shock neither boy nor girl
could think of doing anything but kissing. A single tear slipped from
Eiko's eye as she felt her lips press hard against Neil's, their tongue
gently and almost cautiously touching together. It was warm, inviting,
almost the perfect kiss, tainted somehow by the simple knowledge that
it wasn't Vash.

With sharp force, Neil tore his lips away from the girl's, his eyes
flying open and his hands jerking free of her body. Her eyes flew open
accordingly, and staring into his she could see a look at horror
directed inward, at utter shock at his own deeds. "I'm a monster," he
whispered, taking a step backwards, letting Eiko's fingers fall free of
his hair. "I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have... I don't..."

"Stay." Eiko's voice was trembling as she stepped towards the boy,
even as his feet hit the stone beneath him lightly. "Please, Neil,
just stay here. Don't worry right this instant about whether or no you
should or shouldn't have done something, just stay."

There was no response from the boy, and Eiko could feel tears beginning
to push into her eyes. "I don't know how I feel about you, Neil. I
just want to try and find out. Is that so bad? Is it so horrifying to
think that you might like being with me?"

"I shouldn't ever find out," replied Neil, his voice strangely forceful
as he continued stepping backwards and away from the girl. "I
shouldn't care. It shouldn't matter. I... I'm sorry." His eyes
closed, lids twitching gently as he stepped beyond the shaded terrace.
"I'm sorry that I ever invaded your life."

Neil turned and half-walked, half-ran out of the terrace, his legs
moving swiftly, head hung as his purple shirt fluttered slightly around
his body. The image sent an inexplicable shiver down Eiko's spine even
as she felt a tearing surge of guilt and confusion, her lips still
lightly tasting Neil's kiss. Sighing heavily, she turned towards the
school, having no interest in returning but not wanting to be alone
with her thoughts.

Vash was standing between her and the door, his face a mask of
something that Eiko couldn't pick out. She felt her heart skip for a
moment, her muscles all tensing in one painful motion, eyes going wide
and mouth shocking itself dry. "Vash," she whispered, another blush
seeping through her cheeks. "How... how long have you been out here?"

"Doesn't matter," replied the boy, sinking his head slightly and
shaking it, his darkening hair swishing about limply. He looked like
nothing so much as a broken man, and Eiko suddenly felt painfully aware
of how much he resembled his father, a man that she remembered only
distantly but clearly enough. "Silly question, really. You know what
I saw, without having to ask me. So unless I felt like lying and
pretending nothing happened..."

"Please, Vash, talk to me," Eiko pleaded, walking towards the boy, the
tension in her chest almost unbearable, her mind filled with the memory
of watching Neil crush Vash's entry plug into shards. "You can't be
angry with me when you won't even tell me what's going on."

Vash's eyes drifted closed almost casually, his entire body slumping
against the wall beside the door. "Who says there has to be anything
going on?" he asked, disquietingly calm about the situation. "I'm not
angry, you know that. Maybe there's nothing abnormal about me
whatsoever."

"There -is-," Eiko insisted. The horrific vision of EVA-03's death
throes wouldn't leave her mind as she instinctively bit her lower lip,
nervousness rising like flood waters. "You haven't been acting the
same at all since you were inside the Thirteenth Angel, and you won't
let me know what's going on. You just keep acting more and more
different, and -"

"And how do you know that this is me not acting normal?" snapped Vash,
his eyes flying open as he fixed the girl with a piercing stare. "How
do you know that you just don't know me as well as you'd like to think
you do? You can't even start to imagine what it's like to..." He
shook his head. "Forget it. It's not worth bothering with."

Eiko's fists clenched tightly, her nails biting into her skin. The
leaves above her ruffled once again, and she became painfully aware for
not the first time how alone she truly was, how vacant the school had
become since what seemed like horrifically recent events. "Vash,
I..." The words caught in her throat, frozen by indecision and doubt
and fear. "Please, please, don't assume anything. I... I don't..."

"I'm not angry," sighed Vash, turning and opening the door back into
the school, his entire body slumped slightly forward. "I hope that the
two of you are happy together. Neil's a lot more honest with himself
about who he is. You know what you're getting into."

The door swung shut, and Eiko was left standing alone, the mosaic of
shadow and light whirling about her feet, her heart fluttering and
tensing in ways that pained her even to conceive of. She was still
standing in that half-numbed state when the Angel alert tore through
the city, a call to action that could only make her think of what Neil
had said about the Eva and the image of Vash's entry plug crushed
within his hand.

]++[

"Sixteenth Angel is holding a steady position," announced Makoto,
ignoring the pain in his wrists as he worked his own display, trying to
cycle through the various gauges as best he could. It had been his job
since the inception of NERV, but he knew realistically that it hadn't
been that long since he first began to truly play the role. There had
been no Angels for the longest time that it had seemed almost like a
joke of job, as though he had nothing to do except be on call in the
amazingly remote possibility that an Angel attacked Tokyo-3.

Flicking his eyes up to the main screen, he felt himself grow
nostalgic, remembering the approach of the Third Angel and the
excitement mixed with terror that the whole of NERV's staff had felt on
that day. The midnight-black beast that had attacked the city that day
was what everyone had been waiting for since the day that they had
signed on with the organization. Until then they had never been forced
to see if they were cut out for the job; the extreme trial by fire that
they had gone through then was almost like a rebirth, a beautiful
beginning to NERV's mission despite the horror of the night.

"Pattern is confirmed blue." His voice was languid as he stared at the
Angel, knowing that the energy of the entire organization had seeped
out like a bleeding wound. He felt some vague terror staring at the
glowing ring of light hovering above a wooded patch of Tokyo-3, but
more than anything he simply felt a creeping sensation of depression.
"AT Field is extremely thin, barely an inch from the surface of its
body. The Evas will have to engage it in close combat."

Misato was gently thumbing her chin, trying to take the opportunity to
collect her thoughts. She was exhausted, and she knew that it showed
to everyone around her. The only solace that she could take was in the
fact that she was uncovering more information than she'd ever thought
possible, and nobody would suspect her exhaustion to come from anything
besides her normal wanton habits. "Pilots," she muttered, closing her
eyes for a second and then flicking them in Maya's direction.

"Rei, Eiko, and Vash are within the facility," replied Maya. "Nieve,
Neil, and Ryo are believed to be en route. Rei and Vash are already
prepped for launch."

"Launch EVA-06 and EVA-07," announced Gendou flatly, the measured and
controlled calm of his voice perhaps the sole thing about NERV that
hadn't changed since the first battle against the Angels. Had he been
lower or more familiar to the majority of the staff, they might have
able to see the lines of stress etching themselves deeper into his
face, but for all anyone below could see he was unchanged since the
beginning. "Monitor the beast's AT Field to see if it expands further."

Acknowledgement came from below, but Gendou ignored it, twitching ever
so slightly to acknowledge Fuyutsuki entering from behind. The elder
man said nothing until he had walked to Gendou's side, leaning close
enough to talk softly despite the cacophony of the command center.
"I've just finished speaking with SEELE. They've already made their
decisions about the transfer."

"Inevitable, I suppose," replied Gendou, keeping his eyes fixed
forward, his voice muffled slightly by his hands tented in front of his
mouth. "They may not know exactly what we're up to here, but they know
enough to try and complicate it however they can. No huge surprise
there."

Kozou frowned, then stood tall, his eyes catching the steady display of
the main screen, the Angel floating without any signs of activity.
"They couldn't be that foolish." His volume had increased now, but
still quiet enough to avoid being overheard. "This is a critical time
for their project as well. They wouldn't send you -"

"You're becoming too concerned about this. That's exactly what they
want." The barest of smiles tickled at the edges of Gendou's lips,
invisible but still present. "Don't you see, Kozou? They're trying to
throw a wrench into our plans when they're ennabling us to move
faster. The final seal will be broken in such a way that we will be
more than capable of acting before they can."

"I certainly hope you're right," replied Kozou, his voice leaving
little doubt as to how convincing he considered Gendou's statement.
"They might be taking that into account, however. They've known things
that they shouldn't have before now."

"And we hold more cards than they know, no matter the situation,"
replied Gendou. "They lack the imagination to thwart our plans. They
simply read their scriptures and follow them, unable to deviate in any
meaningful way." He averted his gaze from the main screen to stare at
Fuyutsuki. "Don't lose your nerve now, Dr. Fuyutsuki. This is not the
time to be questioning your faith."

"There never was a time, was there?" muttered Fuyutsuki, keeping his
voice low enough to be silent to Gendou's ears. There was an ache in
his body that he couldn't quite place, and as he stared up at the
shimmering ring of light that he knew was their most recent Angel he
felt it redouble. "I should have known before we started."

]++[

Vash's eyes were closed, though the absolute blackness of the entry
plug made it largely a meaningless gesture. It was a meditative
gesture, an attempt to lose himself in the smooth motion of the plug
towards the back of his machine, sending him into combat for the first
time since his experience with the Thirteenth Angel. The fact was not
lost on him as he slowly flexed his semi-artificial left arm, an
appendage that had somehow grown to simultaneously feel more and less
alien as time passed.

"No more Eiko and Vash," he muttered to himself, distantly hearing the
mechanical noise of the Eva's back opening up to accept the entry plug,
his teeth setting firmly as it began to slide inside. "Good for
Neil." It was a concept that he felt oddly numb about - he'd expected
to be angry, sad, something other than simply accepting. But there was
something else blocking off any emotion besides a grim relief,
something that Vash couldn't quite put his finger on but was there
despite that fact.

LCL began to seep into the chamber, and Vash began breathing steadily,
prepared for the rush of liquid into his lungs and the salty blood
sting on his tongue. It was surprising how easily he'd remembered the
way that it had slipped won his throat, and even more to his surprise
he'd found himself more and more drawn to it. When the orange-red
fluid passed his lips and sank into his lungs, he was surprised to find
himself almost thankful after he had finished with the normal brief fit
of coughing. Somehow it comforted him, knowing that he was still a
pilot despite his failures, that he still had something to cling to.

"Eiko and Vash are gone," he muttered, opening his eyes as he felt the
external cameras pop on, knowing it would be only a few seconds until
he was expected to synchronize with the Eva. Despite his numbness, the
thought wouldn't leave his mind, and he sighed as he extended his
perception outwards towards the Eva's body, the machine's left arm
somehow feeling almost more natural than his own.

The radio hissed to life, and Vash's eyes drifted closed again
unconciously. "EVA-06 is online," he said, keeping his voice calm and
measured, forcing himself to focus on the machine around him. It was
steadily growing less disquieting that he derived comfort from it.
"What's my synch ratio looking like?"

"51%," replied Maya's voice, some exhaustion creeping in past her
enthusiasm. "Not quite at the level that you'd had before, but getting
closer."

"Good." A deep sigh escaped Vash's lips as Misato began talking,
explaining the mission plan. He was ignoring her, knowing full well
that any kind of plan would invariably break down almost the second the
machines emerged on the surface. Besides, his thoughts were elsewhere,
slowly flitting through the cybernetic neurons and artificial fibers
that mingled with the biological structure of the Eva. He had never
let himself fully appreciate the nightmarish nature of the golems, the
harsh welding of flesh and metal.

"Vash and Eiko are gone," he whispered to himself. "Vash is gone.
Vash never existed." He removed one hand from the handrests, letting
his fingers run through his hair, hanging limply around his head, the
black showing through with increasing volume. "Just Koji Nekasa,
Fourth Child." His teeth set hard against one another. "That's all I
ever really was after all."

Hearing the words come from his own lips stung, and Vash could feel a
rage begin to bubble inside his gut as he felt the machine around him
lurch towards the launch tube, distantly aware that he was going to be
sent against the Angel. Around him was the Eva unit, a comforting
presence, its thoughts a whispering cacophony of soothing anger. "Are
you angry, too?" he asked nobody, for once unfazed by the sharp
acceleration vertically.

Fingers tightened around the handrests as Vash - no, Koji - pushed his
thoughts further into the Eva, trying to hear it. "You're hiding
something, too," he said calmly, distantly curious about whether or not
the beast could hear him. "You aren't really this mechanical thing,
are you? Even if you don't have a brain to tell you... you know that
you're really an Angel. It's in your nature. It's what you are."

The exit port irised open above the forest-green golem, and as it
lurched to a stop Koji leveled his eyes on the glowing ring of an
Angel, blue eyes sparkling with an energy borne of self-loathing as his
darkening hair settled against his head. An image of his father
floated briefly before him, the older man reclining in his filth-
encrusted chair, staining away his cares with the arms of alcohol. "We
are what we are. And nobody wants that." He bit his lower lip for a
moment, then launched himself forward.

A sharp reprimand sounded through the radio, but Koji ignored it, lips
curling into a snarl as he raced towards the glowing Angel. With a
quick motion of his shoulder, his prog knife flipped out and fell into
his hand, his machine never slowing for a second in its race towards
the target. Skidding to a halt and kicking up a great cloud of dust,
Koji let out a battle cry as he brought the prog knife down in a
slashing motion with all the force he could muster, expecting to tear
through the ring.

His assumption seemed partially correct, but he felt no resistance
offered as the knife cleaved through the beast, and his eyes snapped up
to see it slowly parting from the location of the supposed wound. Then
the glowing strand straightened itself for a second, apparently
unconcerned by the cut. It hovered as nothing more than a bar of light
for a moment, then suddenly seemed to go fluid once again, coiling like
a snake in mid-air and lashing out towards Koji's head.

"No noticable damage to the Angel from the attack," announced Makoto as
EVA-06 barely managed to swing away from the attacking strand, his eyes
slowly tracing the Angel's motions as it swerved about like some lethal
worm. "The Angel's AT Field has shifted slightly, but it's maintained
roughly the same power output as before."

"Containment," announced Misato, watching as the beast wove about,
trying to hit Koji's machine and missing by scant inches. The green
Eva was obviously being taxed to the absolute limits of its abilities,
but it was keeping pace with the Angel, even occasionally making a
knife swipe as Rei moved to retrieve some heavier weaponry. "The AT
Field isn't holding us out, it's holding the Angel in. That's why it's
so thin - it's just moving and reacting to the shape the Angel needs to
take."

The Angel swung around to take another stab at Koji, its body trailing
behind and whipping about like the tail of some predatory beast. It
would have frightened him nearly any other day, but he could feel the
Eva soothing around him, something inexplicably horrible and yet
perfectly comfortable for his thoughts. It stabbed forward, and with a
flick of his wrist Koji brought his prog knife around to slice at it,
scoring a quick cut along its side as it lunged.

Recoiling momentarily, the would-be tail whipped around and began
diving at Koji with a mind of its own. "It's not an animal," Koji
snarled to himself, rolling aside and springing to his feet as trees
fell lifeless around him. "That's not really a tail. It's just toying
with me right now."

Before the Angel to jab at him again, the sharp report of a gun firing
filled the air, and the Angel's surface exploded in bright orange
octagons as it recoiled from the blast. Koji briefly glanced towards
Rei to see the girl's bone-white machine wielding a shotgun in one
hand, lowering the weapon as her other hand brought up a standard-issue
rifle. "We need to distract it," she said calmly. "Neutralize its AT
Field, and it should fall."

Nodding, Koji dropped into a crouch and sprang at the writhing snake,
its body aflame in octagonal patterns as it tried hopelessly to flow
away from the hail of bullets. A few shots glanced off his own field
as he reversed his grip on the knife, the blade pointing downward as he
thrust it forward. "Neutralizing AT Field," he announced, slamming his
prog knife against the beast's field as he spread his own, feeling the
two press together as his free hand gripped the snake firmly.

Then, to his shock, he felt a hold emerge in his own field, as though
the Angel were merging with it, forcing its way in instead of dropping
its own defenses. The writhing head of the snake jabbed itself towards
Koji's midsection, and with a swift motion it had slammed into and
through it.

"AT Field pattern of Angel and EVA-06 are merging!" announced Maya,
sounding shocked but not panicked. "Neurofeedback is emerging and
steadily increasing! Synch ratio holding steady at 51%, but there's no
clear way of telling whether or not Vash is still in control of his
machine!"

Blood issued forth from Koji's lips, darkening the LCL even as he saw
the camera display begin to flicker around him. It was painful,
nothing that he hadn't expected, but there was something more severe
rolling within his gut besides the sensation of being pierced by the
Angel. Glancing down, he could see the snake still twitching, seeming
to even elongate and make quick jabs at Rei protected by 06's AT
Field. "What the hell is this thing doing?" he snarled, his fingers
tightening around the handrests as he tried to jerk away from Rei.

"Koji."

It was a quiet voice, enough so that he almost didn't notice it as he
forced the forest-green Eva's hands towards the wriggling parasite
jutting out from his gut. It felt as though he was forcing his arms
through ground glass, slicing and tearing through his skin and veins,
even as the pain deep within his gut grew more unbearable. Still, he
persisted, knowing that he needed to force the Angel out to have any
chance of victory.

"Koji Nekasa." The second time he could not help but hear the voice,
eerily familiar to his ears. "You can hear me, can't you, Koji? My
words make sense to you, don't they?"

Jerking his head around quickly, Koji felt the pain in his gut increase
momentarily before he felt something shudder beneath him. Within what
seemed like an instant, the cockpit dissolved into a mist of blood,
allowing him to turn completely and face the source of the mocking
voice.

It was him standing there, floating in nothing, eyes vacant and wide,
smile numb. The hair was still pointed and blonde, however, a smooth
and ordered facade that made Vash vaguely uncomfortable simply by its
presence. "Who are you?" he asked, his fists clenching, anger
building. "What are you doing inside of my entry plug? Hell, how
didn't I notice you before?"

"I am that I am," replied the figure, jerking its head slightly to one
side. It was wearing his purple-black plugsuit, the shape of its body
making it painfully clear to Koji that it was still in possession of
both its natural arms. "Am I not that which you seek? Am I not the
body that you want to have?"

Eyes widening, Koji tried to get closer to the figure, then the sound
of rending metal and a harsh impact drew him back to the cockpit of Eva
in a quick whirl of liquid and metal. His Eva had slammed down on its
back now with enough force to damage the entry plug, and the boy winced
as he felt a small shard of metal draw roughly against his cheek.
"It's attacking my machine from within," he snarled, forcing his arms
further downward, trying with all his might to seize upon the wriggling
form of the Angel.

As the pain in his arms began to grow unbearable, he felt his fingers
mercifully close on his quarry, slowly encircling the shimmering body
of the beast. His fists closed tightly, then with all the strength he
could muster he began pulling, the muscles of his arms straining hard
against the Angel's might. It seemed determined to remain embedded
within his body, to anchor itself to the Eva's flesh, and even as the
static flickered across his display he could see dark pink flesh slowly
growing around the Angel within him.

The Eva's muscles never faltered, and Vash poured himself into the
seemingly simple motion, struggling to rip the Angel out of his body.
He was too focused to notice his hands until he had been pulling for a
moment, but the second that his eyes fell upon them he felt himself
falter for just a moment. They were covered in something
indescribable, like the roots of plants pushing themselves up from
within his skin, spreading upwards along his fingers.

Recoiling in horror, he glanced down to his gut to see the same root-
like fingers rolling along his skin, slowly creeping upwards towards
his head. All thoughts of yanking the Angel out had been forgotten as
he began trying to slap down the sudden protrusions across his skin.
The pain was intensifying, and he could feel something indescribably
else slipping into his body along with them. "Get out," he growled,
feeling the protrusions hard and rigid beneath his hands. "Get out!"

"Why would you want that?" The voice was his, but not his, possessed
of the alien otherness of his earlier self, now squatting at the far
end of the entry plug rather casually. The view outside had been
replaced with darkness, LCL turning a bright orange-red as it seemed to
thicken around the two figures. "You and I are the same. You believe
it yourself."

Koji stared for a moment, protrusions continuing to spread along his
body slowly, his previous self staring at him blankly. "The Angel," he
whispered, eyes widening. "Of course. I should have known. You're
trying to do the same thing that you did to me before." He scowled.
"Do you know each other? Do you get a good laugh out of what happens
to us?"

The apparition ignored the boy's remarks, simply drifting closer as the
color of the LCL intensified. "Is that not your dream? Mutability?
Don't you want to be able to change as it suits you?" The figure
smiled. "You seek it even as you deny and curse it."

One root-encrusted hand flew towards the leering mockery, striking it
firmly on the nose and sending it drifting back through the entry
plug. Koji forced himself to his feet, feeling as he did so that the
world was shifting around him. A moment later he found himself ankle-
deep in LCL, his counterpart splashing into the liquid roughly, the
room around him dark and featureless. "Get out of my mind," he
snarled, wading forward slightly. "I don't want you in here."

"Liar." LCL shifted as the Angel stood, letting the bloody liquid drip
off it in slow streams. "You lie to both of us. Let it go, Koji.
Join me. Let us work together, to be what we are supposed to be."

"I'm not interested!" shouted the boy, trying his best to rush forward
through the liquid that sloshed around his ankles. He had kept his
hand clenched in a tight fist, and with a cry of rage he swung at the
Angel's avatar, growing only angrier as the blow struck air. Another
swing missed as well, and before he could try to land another he felt a
force like a steamroller connect with his chin.

His body fell backwards, but instead of the warm and cloying embrace of
LCL he felt only harsh pavement. It took him a second to see his
surroundings, the deserted streets of Tokyo-3, whitewashed buildings
surrounding him like the walls of an asylum. Above him stood Neil, a
smug grin on the blonde boy's face, green eyes burning like a demon
fire. "You are interested," mocked Neil's face. "You know our power.
And you have no substance to pollute."

Koji wasted no time in thought, simply lashed upwards with his foot,
letting the limb strike hard against Neil's chest. He knew it wasn't
really the boy, but it felt undeniably wonderful to hurt something that
looked like Neil, even if it was just wearing his skin. "You're my
enemy," he snarled, forcing himself to his feet as Neil staggered
backwards, lashing out with a fist before the blonde boy had the time
to recover fully. "I don't want anything from you except your life."

Neil's mouth half-opened, but Koji ignored it, letting another fist
pound into the boy's skin, the hard impact feeling better with each
blow that he landed. Neil's form was withering under the assault, the
way that Vash knew it should have the day they met. Something in him
was shutting off the reality of the situation, letting him mercilessly
assault the boy, harsh blows driving into his face and gut as the white-
washed street seemed to grow dimmer around him. It was only a
peripheral concern to him, his entire attention on beating Neil
senseless, even as the noise of skin hitting skin began to be replaced
with the harsh tones of metal slamming together.

It wasn't until Neil fought back that Koji even realized that something
was wrong, and even then the reaction was delayed as his quarry gripped
his wrists and threw him. He only distantly noticed the crushing
noises beneath him, the hailstones now falling along his body, the
sudden sense of distance. But as he looked back towards Neil he
realized that the boy's form had been replaced with the dark silhouette
of EVA-01, the leering jaws and horned helmet looking like a demon
fresh from hell.

"The Thirteenth," he whispered, looking down at his hands as he
realized he was inside of his Eva. The same contamination was spread
along them, just as it had been on that day and as it was growing along
his body in the real world. It was full along him now, a ridged mass
prohibiting his movement, keeping him locked in his cockpit as the
horrific and wordless voice of the Angel in his machine taunted him.

EVA-01 was moving towards him slowly, leering as the thick shards of
ice pinged against its armor, moving towards Koji like an executioner.
Almost cautiously Koji reached up to his hair, and to his shock he
could feel it perfectly ordered and spiked above him, as he'd always
arranged it before the horrific events of that day. "It was a dream?"
he asked himself, slowly focusing on the Eva bearing down on him.
"Just some nightmare of the Angel?"

As the other machine moved towards him, his memory whirled backwards,
recalling how the scene had ended, the crushed entry plug like a
shining beacon in his memory. "You know he'll do it," whispered
another voice, slipping into the noise screaming from his Eva. "Get
him first. Show him what it feels like to be crushed alive. This is
still your Eva. It obeys you."

Without further goading, Vash let out a cry, forcing his machine to its
feet and knocking away the purple Eva's hands. His golem's black and
purple skin seemed almost a relief as he shoved Neil away, flexing his
limbs, feeling them extend and retract at his whim. "You're not going
to get away with this, Richelieu," he snarled. "I won't -let- you!"

His hand whipped up and dug itself deep into the riveted chest armor of
EVA-01, tearing the metal even as his free hand moved to rip the armor
free. It came off with a gigantic tearing noise, blood spilling freely
from the purple machine as Vash lashed out and grabbed it by the neck
with one hand. The other was plunging into the chest, fingers seeking
the entry plug, anger welling as a sinister grin crept across the boy's
face.

Reality reasserted itself half a second later as Koji's hand closed
around the entry plug, something in the back of his mind snapping him
to attention as a harsh impact jolted his Eva around. The real world
swayed back into view, the LCL around Koji a deep orange-red, the
display flickering with static and giving him only a blurred picture as
he felt his machine slam into something mysterious. "No," he snarled.
"Just because I hate Neil... that's got nothing to do with it! I don't
want revenge!"

"You do," replied the mocking voice of the Angel even as Koji looked at
his body in horror, seeing the ridges covering his body, feeling the
horrible sensation of something crawling through his veins. "We can
let you do that, Koji. We can make you like us. Eternally changing,
reacting, adapting. You would love it. No substance, simply
dynamism..."

"Stop -saying- that!" screamed the boy, desperately trying to get some
sort of picture of what was going on outside, catching only quick
glimpses of Rei's Eva moving about, the shimmering tendril of the Angel
stabbing at her idly. "I am what I am. I don't want to keep changing
my face for the people around me!"

"Liar," replied the Angel. His face was beginning to materialize in
front of him, the blonde hair slicked back, the eyes vacant and the
mouth twisted into a sinister grin. "You want to. You want to be
anything other than what you are, don't you?" The voice paused, then
broke into laughter as Koji tried to claw at the apparition. "Look at
yourself. Even now, you're just acting the part of the wounded pilot,
the broken man. You're not able to face yourself."

Koji - Vash - whatever his name, the boy sitting in the cockpit
screamed, clutching his hands at the handrests, then at the leering
face in front of him. It seemed an eternity before he realized that
his hands were still locked around the Angel outside him, and with a
growl he began to pull, coughing blood once again as slivers of evil
forced their way into his brain.

"EVA-06's pilot is regaining control!" shouted Maya, hammering away at
her keyboard, the previous boredom lost in the fearsome sight on the
main screen. The green Eva had pitched on its back and was struggling
with the glowing worm wrapped around it, but it was obviously fighting
a steadily losing battle, and there were signs that something new was
growing beneath the Eva's armor. "Synch ratio is up to 24% and
rising - slowly, but actively! He's trying to take it back from the
Angel!"

"And it's trying to take it from him," replied Misato. She stared for
a moment, her eyes narrowing, then widening in shock. "Or maybe it's
trying to take -him- from -it-."

"Ridiculous," Ritsuko offered, her eyes flicking back and forth between
the main screen and Maya's display. There had been an almost eerie
cold growing around the blonde woman, due in no doubt to the events
with Ryoji Kaji. "The Angels have never shown any interest in the
pilots. We know full well what their objective is."

"Maybe we don't." Misato's voice was not so much angry as simply
curious, her feet drawing her closer to the main screen. The entire
command room seemed to have grown silent, the echoing and vast halls
almost like those of a cathedral. "We've made assumptions, made
guesses... but what if they've been deceiving us? What if their
objective was never the Second Angel -"

She paused for a moment, glancing up at the commander. She knew,
academically, that it was classified information, that the Second Angel
was not supposed to even be held at Central Dogma. But he had no
reaction, and in the back of her mind she wondered if it was another
secret that everyone but her had been in on. "What if the Angels
weren't seeking their own, but were seeking -us-? What if they've been
trying to get to us the whole time, and we've been rushing to meet them
without realizing it?"

No response was offered to the unexpected philosophy, and as Misato
cast her gaze back towards the main screen she knew that she would have
to do something other than theorize. "Launch EVA-04," she said curtly,
wondering almost idly what reasons were given to others for the Angel's
inexplicable draw to Tokyo-3. "Try to re-establish communications with
the entry plug inside of unit 06 - I don't care how we do it, but give
us -some- method of talking to the boy."

Eiko had received no radio contact when she felt her Eva lurch out of
its place, heading towards the launch platform, her nerves snapping at
attention with a nervous terror. The LCL around her tasted dank, old,
as though the disgusting blood tint of the liquid wasn't bad enough as
it was. "Will I be in charge of support fire?" she asked reluctantly,
almost certain that her job would be harder than that.

"You will extract the Sixteenth Angel from EVA-06," replied the cold
and measured tone of Gendou Ikari, his seeming contempt for the girl
tangible across her skin. The Eva seemed to move in time with his
words, lurching to a stop as he fell silent, the clicks of a preparing
launch filling her ears. "Should the unit be possessed, you will
destroy it and its pilot."

A surge of adrenaline coursed through the girl's veins as she recalled
the death of Vash's last Eva unconsciously, her hands tightening around
the handrests in front of her as the silver machine began lurching
towards the surface. Her mind was aching for the time to stop and
process, to do anything but simply throw herself into conflict after
conflict, yet it was painfully clear that she would get no such
reprieve. "Vash, please, help me," she muttered to herself, painfully
aware of the approaching surface.

With no warning, the Eva slammed to a stop, quickly disengaging the few
remaining restraints and practically hurling her forward. Her breath
was coming quickly, and she struggled to take in the scene around her,
eyes whirling about the maze of the battlefield. She could see the
Angel twitching and stabbing, Rei's bone-white goliath firing
dispassionately, and Vash's poor machine clutching frantically at the
Angel's wound. They all seemed as though they were disconnected
elements of a larger picture, something she was observing but not part
of.

Then everything snapped into frantic motion, clouds of dust swirling
about as if they were alive and darkening the high sun, the Angel's
snaking form lashing out as Rei stepped nimbly about it. Eiko forced
herself to take a deep breath as she let her Eva start moving forward,
noticing the odd symmetry between Rei and her opponent, both moving
with an almost alien grace and certainty. "I'm coming, Vash!" she
shouted, her movements slowly growing more sure.

Koji forced himself to look towards the source of the voice. Eiko's
machine glinted silver under the sunlight, penetrating the maze of dust
and static that clouded his vision, like some sort of divine savior.
"Eiko!" he shouted, his determination bolstered for a moment, his
fingers digging more tightly into the Angel embedded within him.

It took a second for him to remember seeing her and Neil kissing in the
terrace, remember how quickly she had left him behind for the American
boy. Something inexplicable took hold of him, and he could hear the
Angel whispering reminders in his ears even as its infection spread
along his skin. "She didn't say she was coming for me," he muttered,
his grip loosening slightly. "She was coming for Vash."

Like the flash of sun off the silver armor of Eiko's machine, the Angel
moved away from Rei, weaving towards Eiko with a speed that seemed
almost dizzying. It struggled against her AT Field for only the barest
of moments, then plunged itself through her midsection, pulling itself
taught and seeming to spread tendrils from both of the Evas it had now
taken.

There was a searing burst of light in Koji's eyes, the same in Eiko's,
a pain stabbing through their stomachs, and the world dissolved.
Everything went liquid, and the two could feel it, a stabbing and
horrific forced merging. Lines between bodies blurred as Koji tried to
lift his hand, feeling Eiko's fingers and plugsuit, the natural curve
of her left shoulder, her taste upon her tongue in their mind.

Shutting someone's eyes, Koji struggled to focus on his left arm, the
single alien part of his body. He hated it, Eiko knew that, they knew
that, and somehow it seemed to be the one thing that could be saved.
It was his, irrevocably, something only he could bear upon his body.
"My arm," he muttered, finding himself wondering what Neil was thinking
as he felt his mind stretch between two perceptions. "It's mine.
Mine."

Agony ripped through the boy's shared mind and body, but he forced his
focus, ignoring the tickling sensation of Eiko's presence. Slowly,
gradually, he could feel them separating again, their minds and bodies
discriminating once again. "I do have substance," he growled to
nobody. "It's not true. It's not..."

Floodgates opened, and Koji and Eiko were standing apart from one
another, the world around them nothing but pure white light, as though
their minds had simply constructed a framework for them. No words
could pass between them, information passing between them without
words, their hearts and minds opened irrevocably. They were distantly
aware of the fact that their Evas were spasming in the real world, but
it was a distant fact, something lost in the knowledge of one another.

It was the greatest pain that Koji could imagine. He had always wanted
to think that sharing everything about himself would be different,
triumphant, perfect, but as he felt himself and Eiko merge their
perceptions he knew that it was an illusion. Every secret corner of
his soul was being flung open, the real him being made bare to Eiko,
and at the same time he could feel everything that she had agonized
over, every single moment of hesitation or regret...

One thought inserted itself into Koji's brain, and his eyes flew open.

His mind began to be dragged away almost the second that he saw through
his own eyes once again, and stumbling for an anchor he settled on his
left arm, tightening every single muscle in the adopted limb, digging
his nails into his palm as best he could, anything to force the reality
of the arm and his body home to his mind. He could see the static
clearing from his display, the world beginning to spread before him
without confusion, his strength returning to him along with the Eva.

Fingers wrapped around the Angel protruding from his stomach, and
ignoring the sense of pain his hands gave him he pulled the Angel's
form taught, forcing it to stay rigid. It was all he could muster, but
as he saw Rei's machine glance towards him he realized that she
understood, that she knew exactly what her role was going to be in the
defeat of the Angel.

With smooth movements, she dropped her ranged weapons, ejecting her
prog knife from its shoulder flange and letting it fall into her hand.
She moved with determination, lunging towards the newly-vulnerable
Angel, letting the blade tear through the Angel as she swung it in a
clear and perfect arc. It was something that Koji could only be
distantly aware of as he felt the presence in his mind and body slowly
recede, his own thoughts unbelievably tired.

]++[

Koji hated what he was about to do, but he knew it was necessary. He'd
never bought into the idea of life working in cycles, of certain things
needing to end periods of living, and the last thing that he wanted was
to prove himself wrong about it. But there were no alternatives open
to him, and so he forced himself to continue towards Eiko's house, the
pale cyan paint of the building lost in the sunset's orange and red
flare, rehearsing the conversation in his mind.

The door was in front of him almost before he knew it, and with gritted
teeth he rapped hard against the wooden surface, praying internally
that it wouldn't be her parents that answered. They hadn't liked him
beforehand, and under the circumstances he tended to doubt he would
even be able to get inside the door.

A clicking noise came from within the house, and the door swung open,
prompting Vash's eyes to widen. He'd almost forgotten about the fact
that Toji had gotten out of the hospital, so caught up in the flurry of
other people leaving. "Vash," said the boy, sounding somewhere between
surprised and disinterested. "I didn't think you'd be coming around."

Both stared at one another for a few moments, Toji's blue eyes meeting
Koji's with a rather harsh stare. Then the elder boy broke the
silence, stepping inside and clapping Eiko's brother on the back, half-
forcing a smile onto his face. "Hey, Toji," he said, coughing
slightly. "Sorry that I haven't been by. I've kind of been..." He
paused, then glanced away. "I've kind of been a jerk lately."

"Yeah, Eiko mentioned something to that effect." The younger boy
grinned, a simple gesture that took a huge burden off of Koji's
thoughts. "I figured that you finally managed to beat her at a
fighting game. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"Nothing so boring," replied the boy, shaking his head and glancing
towards the stairs. He was glad that Toji didn't want to rip his eyes
out, but he was relatively unconcerned with what the younger boy wanted
or thought. "Speaking of Eiko, is she... here?"

"Of course. With Kensuke and Hikari gone, she doesn't want to go to
the arcade with -me-." He smirked, a good-natured grin oddly
reminscent of his sister's. "I think she's just nervous. With all
that free time in the hospital, I've been able to practice. You should
see the sort of rushes I can pull off in SC3."

Koji was already heading up the stairs, but he stopped and glanced back
at the other boy, a smile still on his lips. "Tell you what. Next
time Eiko and I go off to the arcade, I'll make -sure- you come
alone." He paused, then turned back towards the upper floor. "And I'm
betting that you're -still- not good enough to beat me, rushes or not."

The younger boy shouted back his own challenge, but Koji's ears were
dead to it, his concentration elsewhere. It had seemed like the wrong
time to mention that he and Eiko might never go anywhere together, but
as he drew closer to the top of the staircase he couldn't push the
thought out of his head. It was almost insanely tempting to simply
turn around and leave, to avoid talking with the girl about something
that he was almost certain would go poorly Certainly, it would be
easier than dealing with her.

Still, he held his ground, walking to the top floor and knocking on the
Eiko's door, reminding himself that it couldn't possibly be more
stressful than having his mind invaded by the Angel. It seemed like an
eternity before the girl actually opened the door, and even then her
eyes were blank for a few moments, as though she didn't recognize the
boy standing in front of her. "Vash?" she asked, sounding puzzled.
"Is something -"

"Can I come in?" he asked, avoiding the girl's eyes as he stared into
her bedroom. Part of him wanted her to say no and end his
responsibility, but most of him wanted her to say yes.

"Um... of course. Yeah." Her answer sounded more confused than
reluctant, and she awkwardly stepped back and away from the door,
allowing Koji to step into the room. "Sorry that it's kind of a
mess... um... I know that..."

"Relax. I'm not angry." He sighed, then took a deep breath, as if he
was forcing himself to cleanse the air before he said anything.
"Actually... I came here to say I'm sorry. It... it was my fault that
things happened the way that they did, not yours. I have no right to
be angry."

Eiko took a hesitant step towards the boy, but he held up a hand to
stop her, his eyes cast towards the floor and resting on a single
photograph. The photo looked like a forgotten child, painfully obvious
and out of place amongst the soft carpeting that surrounded it. "I
didn't let you in after the Thirteenth attacked me," continued Koji,
his confidence slowly growing. "I was afraid. But I didn't want to
tell you that. I didn't want you to think I could be scared."

"Vash..." The girl's voice qas awkward and halting, as though the name
felt uncomfortable on her tongue. "I... I wouldn't have minded if
you'd just told me. If you had let me know, I..."

"You don't know what you would have done," replied Koji, shaking his
head as he unconsciously clenched his fists. "I thought I knew. I
thought it was a foregone conclusion that you wouldn't have wanted to
have anything to do with me any longer." He forced himself to take a
deep breath. "Because you've never really known me, not the way that
you think, not..."

Empty air sat between the two for a moment, Koji struggling to find the
words. "You don't understand," he said at length, sighing and stepping
over to the bed, flopping on it with an exhausted grunt. "What my
father was like after my mother left... I thought that was -me-. I
thought that if everyone saw somebody else, than sooner or later... if
you tell a lie enough times, you start to believe it yourself."

The girl's soft footsteps seemed to hammer on the floor like
explosions, and Koji squeezed his eyes shut. "You and I, Eiko... we're
not creatures of substance. We're not deep people, we just pretend at
being them. I'm just putting on a brave face, and you're just living
by reaction."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Eiko, her tone sharp, the bed shaking
slightly as she sat beside the boy. Cautiously, he opened his eyes to
stare at her, taking in the perfect clarity of her form, feeling
something in his chest tighten simply from the look of her.

"Your parents want you to be a respectable Japanese girl, so you become
the opposite. They want you to date someone they approve of, so you
date me. Neil displays affection for you, so you reciprocate."

"That's not true!" snapped Eiko, a red flush covering her face, every
muscle in her body tensing in unison. "I... I truly like Neil. I
kissed him because... because I -wanted- to."

"I know. I'm just questioning your motives." He held up a hand,
stilling her response before it passed her lips. "I didn't come here
to accuse you of anything, Eiko. I came here to apologize, to tell you
what was going on, and... to ask you to come back. I expected that
groveling would be involved."

He glanced towards the girl, seeing only a blank expression on her
face, and sighed again, more heavily than before. It was an awkward
situation anyways, and her seeming dearth of interest only served to
make things worse. "Eiko, I know that we have problems. I know that
we haven't let one another in for the most part. But I'm willing to
try."

"Vash... Koji..." Eiko stared at him a moment longer, then rather
unexpectedly burst into tears. "I don't know who I am, Koji. I don't
have the vaguest idea. I'm afraid that you... you won't like what's
underneath, that I'll bore you, that I'll disappoint you, that -"

"I'll take the chance," replied Koji, settling one hand on her
shoulder. Her tear-streaked eyes flicked up to him, obviously afraid
of his response, and he forced a smile despite feeling like joining her
tears. "No more false fronts. No more pretending to be someone. For
either of us. We're going to be honest with one another... and with
ourselves."

Eiko's only response was a weak sob, followed by a swift motion closer
to the boy, her arms wrapping around him as her nails dug into his
back, her breath coming quickly and shallowly. He could feel the
pressure in his chest recede, and without hesitation he joined her
embrace, letting his eyes trace about the room, the sketches and
pictures adorning the walls filling his heart with a warmth he couldn't
describe. "I love you, Vash."

For a moment, the boy considered objecting to the old nickname, but it
felt comforting despite everything, as though he had slipped back into
the life that he had loved. "I love you, Eiko," Vash replied, letting
the bitterness from the earlier day melt away like morning dew,
resisting the urge to cry for only a moment before he let tears trickle
slowly from his eyes.

]++[

"They could have at least let me sit in the damned cockpit," snarled
Nieve, scuffing her feet against the floor as best she could without
any shoes. She had been largely silent during the walk back from
Central Dogma, a merciful reprieve for the boy who had known that they
would be shouting once they returned home. "Christ, it's been more
than a month since I piloted an Eva. They haven't sent out EVA-05 once
since I've been appointed its pilot. Eiko's as much responsible for
the Fourteenth Angel penetrating our defenses as I am."

"Uh-huh," replied Neil weakly, almost wondering why he was bothering to
remove his shoes as he stepped into the apartment. It had been a sweet
mercy of fate that he hadn't had to talk to the girl after his
encounter with Eiko, but as he watched her hair bob along lightly
behind her he could feel guilt eating him away physically from within.
His stomach was tying itself in knots, but even that seemed a minor
problem compared to the searing pain lit along his chest, as though the
girl in front of him had caused his heart to eat itself. "Maybe the
next Angel."

"Bugger the lot of them. Misato included. She could have said
something, and instead she just stood by mutely and let Rei and Eiko
get all the glory." The girl sighed, stepping into the den almost idly
and vanishing from Neil's sight as he slowly followed. "Can't believe
you ever saw anything in Eiko, for that matter. I don't think she's
done anything useful since she became a pilot."

"Probably not," replied Neil. The thought had occurred to him to
simply leave, but he could feel himself drawn to the flame-haired girl
sitting on the couch, as though he couldn't rush to burn himself fast
enough. "She's just not a very good pilot. Shouldn't have agreed when
NERV offered her the position."

Nieve said nothing immediately, simply waited as the boy walked around
and sat on the couch, putting as much distance between the two of them
as possible. It was then that she turned towards him, her eyes full of
worry, her mouth pursed ever so slightly. "What's wrong?" she asked
quietly, edging towards him. "I can tell that something's bothering
you. You always have that little catch in your tone."

"You don't want to know." It was a partially honest statement; Neil
wasn't entirely sure if she would have wanted to know or not, but he
was certain that he didn't want to tell her. But he knew that it was
going to happen, could feel it in the air around them. It was pressing
upon him like a weight, threatening to smother him momentarily if some
pressure wasn't relieved.

"Of course I want to know," replied Nieve somewhat curtly, leaning
closer to the the boy once again. Her green eyes were too earnest, and
Neil had to force himself to look away towards the pale yellow walls,
knowing that he couldn't even bear to think of what he had done to
her. "Neil, come on, I hate when you get like this." She paused. "Is
this... is this because of the way that I've been acting without my
Eva? Do you think that I've -"

"It has nothing to do with you!" snapped Neil. He wasn't angry, his
emotions just needed some way to release themselves and seized first
upon anger. He regretted his action immediately, another knife of
guilt driving into his chest as he stared at the girl once again,
watching sadness drift across the clear green of her eyes. "I'm
sorry. That's not fair. It's not even true."

Something in the boy's tone gave Nieve the vaguest inkling of how
important whatever had happened was to him, and she felt herself grow
still, her hand slowly stretching towards his leg and resting gently
upon it. "Please tell me," she murmured, her lower lip trembling
slightly.

Neil wanted to scream. He wanted to shove Nieve away, to throw himself
from the window and let the ground absolve his sins, to simply kiss her
and forget that the whole mess had come to pass. He wanted to do
something, anything besides the confession of the truth, anything but
cement in Nieve's mind once and for all the fact that he was a horrible
mockery of a human being that deserved nothing less than utter
ostracism. But he couldn't utter so much as a word of that emotion,
instead stumbling over his tongue as he slowly opened his mouth,
eternities seeming to pass between the Children.

"At lunch. With Eiko." His voice sounded oddly cool, as if he was
calm, as if the conflicting emotions had fought one another to a
standstill. "She and I were talking about things - about
relationships. She said that she and Vash were about to break up, that
their relationship was on its last legs." There was a pause, not from
emotion but from simple necessity of breath. "I didn't know what to
think of that."

The girl's face was slowly shifting, as though it was beginning to
understand what Neil was getting at. It only hurt him further.
"There's been something between her and I since the day we met, I
suppose. She was beautiful the first time I saw her." He paused
again, the weight of his feeble self-preservation instinct throwing the
last of its strength against his guilty urge to reveal the truth.

"She -" He shook his head, not wanting to place the blame on Eiko.
"We kissed. I kissed her."

Neither boy nor girl spoke for a moment. Nothing seemed to move, as
though the room had been frozen in crystal, an eternity for Neil to
feel the pain of the horrible secret be replaced by the agony of what
he knew was about to happen. "You're kidding," whispered Nieve at
length, her hand trembling upon Neil's leg, her eyes slowly beginning
to fill with tears."

"I'm not," replied Neil. He could feel his heart rending itself apart,
and wondered almost casually why his voice was reflecting nothing. His
voice was quiet, businesslike, almost as if he was proud of what he had
done. "I wouldn't make a joke about something like this. I know what
it means to you."

Everything became fuzzy and indistinct, and Nieve slowly rose from the
couch, the same sort of eerie stillness in her motions. "Of course,"
she whispered, words only reaching Neil's ears due to the stillness
around them. "I should have known. It was my own fault for expecting
that you wouldn't leave sooner or later. I should have known."

Something stirred within Neil's chest, and he stood, stepping towards
Nieve as she began pacing uncomfortably in the hall between the den and
the kitchen. "Nieve -"

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH ME!" Her emotions burst like a dam under the
minor pressure, and in one smooth motion her hand flew across his face,
leaving a stinging red mark even as she swiftly moved away from him.
"I don't want to see your face ever -again-! I don't want you to say
that you're -sorry-, that you're not -leaving-, -any- of it!"

"I didn't think that you would," replied Neil weakly, taking a step
forward, moving gingerly towards the doorway out of the apartment. He
felt defeated, even with the irrepressible guilt tearing him apart from
within, consuming him like fire and sending arrows of pain up through
his eyes. His voice remained unchanging. "I'll schedule my tests to
be as far away from yours as possible."

"You made love to -me-!" screamed Nieve, her hand flying to the nearest
object and flinging it towards Neil. It happened to be a magazine that
hit the boy's back gently and ineffectually, but it was the act that
mattered. "You said you loved -me-!"

"No," replied Neil, still sounding perfectly businesslike. Inside he
was hating himself more and more with every single moment, as though he
was watching himself from a camera. No reaction seemed to cross his
face as he slowly shuffled along the polished wood towards the door,
recalling the first time that he'd stepped down the hallway. "I don't
remember ever saying that I loved you."

He knew it was the wrong thing to say long before the words had left
his mouth, but it didn't give him pause. Tears were flowing from
Nieve's eyes now, splattering against the floor weakly as her hands
grasped at the salt shaker on the table. A bitter smile was drawing
itself across her lips, eyes glaring even as they cried. "No, you
wouldn't say that, would you? The only person you love is -yourself-!
You don't -care- about me!"

The boy wanted to fight for himself, but he hated the thought of
fighting for something he didn't believe in. He held his tongue,
simply slipping his shoes on as he felt the hard glass salt shaker slam
against his shoulder. It fell and shattered, spilling the fine white
dust in cloud around him, but he ignored it. "You're a -monster-, Neil
Richelieu!" screamed the girl. "A selfish, hateful -monster-!"

Neil paused, turning and staring at the girl for just a moment. He
could see rage etched across her face, the beautiful lines of her face
marred by anger and the steady flow of tears. Sighing deeply, he let
his eyes close, remembering the first time that he'd met the girl, the
beautiful way that the sun on the ocean has played across her skin, the
way that she had been blown about by the winds.

Their first kiss flickered across his mind, a single crystal moment of
perfect happiness. And the first time that they had ever truly gone on
a date, and the sensation of warmth and joy he'd felt ebbing from her
body when he'd first moved within her. It seemed to bleed from his
mind like an open wound, and he had to suppress a shudder as he let his
eyes open once again, staring at the enraged girl, wishing that he had
never been a part of her life.

"You're right, Nieve. I am a monster. I deserve what I get." He
lingered a moment longer, then turned and opened the door, let himself
step out of the apartment and into the hallway, his feet carrying him
along towards an unknown destination. He was certain that Nieve was
crying behind him, and every cell in his body screamed for him to
comfort her, but he resisted the urge, knowing full well that he had
hurt her more than enough.

]++[

Misato and Ritsuko had already been talking to the boy, telling him
what he needed to know, what he was being expected to do. It was not a
converation that Gendou Ikari was aware of in any exact detail, but he
was certain that it was transpiring even as he felt the elevator slowly
lurch towards its destination. That left him with the rather awkward
task of inserting himself into the middle of the discussion, something
that he knew would sit poorly with both women and with the boy. It was
the absolute last thing that he wanted to do, and he knew beyond a
doubt that there was no more graceful alternative.

By training, of course, his discomfort didn't show. It was purely
internal, kept beneath the surface without the slightest hint managing
to bubble to the surface. Any of the employees who might have passed
Gendou in the hallways would have simply seen him the same as always,
perhaps slightly thinner but not glaringly so. It was a trick he had
begun to teach himself in college and had refined to an art form once
Yui had died.

A lone beep sounded, and the elevator doors slid open with a whir,
revealing the seemingly endless hallway that led to the observation
booth. Forcing a deep breath into his lungs, Gendou strode down the
hall, ignoring the teal-gray walls as he moved resolutely, his only
focus the door at the end of the hall emblazoned with the NERV
insignia. It yielded to him with the usual soft mechanical noise, and
he stepped into the booth, empty except for his presence.

The audio, as he'd requested, was on, and he could hear every word
being spoken far below on the catwalk of the Eva hangar. It was
Ritsuko talking now, her measured calm doubtlessly in contrast to
Misato's tones. "This is childish," she said, obviously displeased
with the boy standing with her. "You need to pilot this machine. It's
your destiny."

Gendou froze for a moment, straining to hear the sound of the boy's
voice, the eerie similarity to his own and the comforting echo of Yui's
beautiful tone. "I don't want to. I don't want to have anything to do
with my father's machines."

"Ritsuko is right," said Gendou calmly, flicking his eyes towards the
catwalk. He couldn't hope to make out facial details, but he knew that
the boy's head was turning towards him in surprise. "You are being
childish about the situation."

Silence filled the hangar for a moment, the boy staring up at the glass
skybox, Gendou standing dispassionately in front of it. "Father," said
the boy at length, making a slight motion that Gendou couldn't pick out
at the distance.

"Shinji," replied Gendou, forcing down the glowing admiration that
filled him upon speaking his son's name. It was an awkward sensation
that he knew would only get in the way of what had to be done, and it
was not an emotion that he had the vaguest clue of how to deal with.
"It's been too long."

"You're right, it has," replied Shinji weakly, dropping his head and
staring at the purple-orange liquid sloshing beneath the catwalk.
"Father... you... you left me alone. When mother died, you left me
alone..."

The pain carried perfectly in the boy's voice, nothing that Gendou
hadn't been expecting. He hadn't quite expected the words to sting so
deeply, but he had known when he had set his plans into motion that it
would necessitate extreme measures. "I had more important things to
take care of," replied Gendou flatly, adjusting his glasses and turning
his gaze towards the orange form of EVA-00. "Such as this. The
culmination of all that your mother and I worked for, Shinji - the
artificial life form 'Evangelion'."

"I don't care!" snapped the boy, suddenly staring up again at the
skybox, the tremble in his voice implying that he was unaccustomed to
the act of assertiveness. "Why did you send for me, father? Why did
you have be brought here?"

"Because I need you." It was a lie, but Gendou knew that the entire
execution hinged upon the lie. "Ritsuko and Misato have told you why
you were brought here. You are to be the pilot of Evangelion unit 00,
the prototype unit. It is your birthright."

"So you didn't want me," sighed Shinji, slumping to his knees, as
though he'd both expected Gendou's words and dreaded actually hearing
them. Gendou could only see him distantly, but he could tell that his
son had become a handsome boy, possessing his mother's delicate
features almost to the point of girlishness. "You just brought me here
because you had a use for me."

Misato glared briefly at the skybox, then knelt beside Shinji, placing
one hand on his shoulder. It was nothing that Gendou hadn't expected
from what he knew of the woman - she was more likely to sympathize with
him if she saw his father as a monster, a personal element that the
commander had long ago considered. "Don't worry about why he brought
you here, Shinji," she offered soothingly. "There are more important
reasons to pilot the machine besides him -"

"No!" The boy was struggling half to be defiant and half simply to
avoid responsibility, something Gendou could distantly sense in his
tone and bearing. "I don't want to help him at all! He doesn't want
me here!"

A pain throbbed in Gendou's chest, and he felt an awkward moment of
clarity, knowing full well that his son's future was resting entirely
in his hands. He knew that if he simply said nothing more, his son
would leave, would be freed at least temporarily from the machinations
and desings that Gendou sought to protect him from. It was unspeakably
tempting, and it took him a moment before he could compose himself
enough to be convincing.

"There are reasons beyond your piloting of the Evangelion unit," said
Gendou flatly, drawing Shinji's gaze back towards him. "Shinji... I
have never been good at this. If you will pilot the machine..." He
paused, just long enough for Shinji to think that it was emotionally
taxing to think, a calculated effect. "You are my son. I have no
doubt that you will prove an excellent pilot."

It was just a minor benediction, but already Shinji's eyes had turned
towards the orange golem in front of him. The conversation's outcome
was set now, and Gendou knew it full well, knew that the boy would get
inside the LCL. In his mind's eye he could see the boy's face within
the cockpit, panicked, screaming for his mother, watching his body
dissolve into nothingness, being absorbed into the machine. And all
the while, he knew that he would be the architect of the boy's
suffering -

With a start, Gendou Ikari snapped back to wakefulness, realizing too
late that he had fallen asleep at his desk. "Too many late nights," he
muttered, adjusting his glasses and running a cursory hand through his
hair, inwardly hating the memory that had begun to haunt his every
dream. "The culmination of too much is lying in our hands."

Sighing, he caught a glance of himself in the reflective surface of the
lone photograph sitting on his desk, a poor reflection but decent
enough to judge his own appearance by. He had not aged well, and he
knew it - the gauntness of his face had only grown with time, combined
with a natural exhaustion that seemed to permeate his body down to the
bone. "I wonder if Yui would recognize me today," he muttered, closing
his eye and allowing himself a bittersweet smile.

His door slid open with its typical whir, and without a moment's notice
Gendou's expression snapped back to its typical blank and disapproving
stare. It was Kozou stepping into the room, his eyes still remarkably
sharp in comparison to Gendou's. "There have been developments," said
the elder man flatly, striding across the massive chamber swiftly, his
graying hair cast an odd shade of red by the lighting in the room.

"I fail to see how they could throw any more wrenches in our plans,"
muttered Gendou, adjusting his glasses and resisting the urge to simply
march back to his apartment and sleep. "The transfer must have
finished going through by now." He paused, then frowned slightly. "Or
have they played their trump card?"

"What remained of their initial sample is no longer registering,"
replied Kozou flatly, only the slightest catch in his tone betraying
the fact that he was deathly afraid of the implications. "It could be
that they simply disabled our transmission, that they made sure we
would be unable to cause any further frustration to their plan -"

"Or it could be for obvious reasons," replied Gendou. "A bold move.
They no doubt intend for the final seal to be broken at the same moment
that our last asset is destroyed." He smirked ever so slightly. "EVA-
08's development has been obscured sufficiently?"

"They don't know," replied Kozou, confidence returning to his voice.
"They've made no effort to impede the process, and we're ahead of
schedule. I could have it down here by early morning tomorrow -"

"No. We'll let them have their illusion until it's too late for them
to do anything about it." He allowed himself a hissing sigh, letting
his eyes close momentarily. "It's working, Kozou. Every piece of
planning is coming to fruition."

"Yui's dream," replied Fuyutsuki, staring up at the ceiling of the
office, at the intricate pattern of curves and lines forming a design
at once terrifying and beautiful. "I'll make sure that NERV
Intelligence has a solid watch on our latest addition. And I'll make
sure that we're prepared for intrusion when it happens."

"See that you do," replied Gendou, drawing his mouth into a thin line,
signaling the end of the conversation. He watched out of the corner of
his eyes as Kozou left the room, pretending to be engrossed by a report
sitting in front of him when he truly could have cared less. His eyes
were more closely focusing on the NERV insignia in the upper left-hand
corner, the small half-leaf surrounded by familiar text.

"God's in his heaven, all's right with the world," repeated Gendou,
allowing himself the momentary indulgence of speaking the words and
smirking at them before shoving the report aside. It was a moment more
before he forced himself to his feet, feeling the weight of his
position across the whole of his body. The burden of the world was a
difficult one to bear, but he had no doubt that he would be able, that
he would prove all of his enemies wrong.

]++[

Vash had answered the door almost by accident, but he felt a pang of
irritating circularity in his life when he saw Neil standing in front
of him, the boy's eyes tired, his body seemingly broken and his pale
green shirt ruffled. "Neil," he said, trying to sound calm and
failing, his surprise overwhelming him. "I don't know why you came -"

"Because you weren't at your house," replied Neil weakly. The dark
blue velvet of the night had wrapped itself around him, and he stood
just far enough away from the door to keep the darkness shrouding him,
as though he was ashamed of being seen. Vash, for his part, was
standing inside of Eiko's house, his feet against the cool wooden
floor, the sounds of video games leaking through the air from the
living room to where he stood.

"I - how do you even know where I live?" Vash stared for a moment,
then shook his head. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Look, Neil,
I know everything that happened between Eiko and you earlier today."

The words seemed to hit the boy like a slap in the face, and something
within Vash tightened at the hurt look that moved across his expression
like a ghost. "You do," he replied, his voice calm and measured even
as his eyes betrayed him. "But you're obviously not broken up at this
point. I doubt you'd be here."

Glancing awkwardly into the house, Vash took a step forward, on the
cusp of stepping outside, the pale white light from inside the house
seeming the slowly radiate off his shoulders. "We talked about it a
little, but no, we're still together. It was... something the Angel
did to us, I think. Something it put us through." He paused, then
grimaced. "I'm not making much sense, am I?"

"That's all right. I came to you, not the other way around." He
sighed, sinking his head. "Vash... Eiko told me that you called me a
good person once. She said that you... you honestly thought that I
should be with her instead of you. Do... do you still believe that?"

Vash was truly confused as to what Neil was actually trying to
achieve. He could only stab at the ultimate point in his mind, and the
only reasonable guess that he could manage was that Neil had expected
he and Eiko to break up, the same assumption that Vash had harbored not
so long before. "I... I believe you're a good person. I really do.
But Eiko..." He sighed. "I can't answer that question, Neil. You and
I don't know each other well enough for that."

"Obviously not," replied Neil, shaking his head dejectedly. "I didn't
come here for her. I came here for you. To tell you what had
happened - you beat me to that - and to apologize."

Neil raised a hand to Vash, stopping the other boy from saying another
word, the light from within the house barely brushing against the green-
eyed Child's skin. "You were wrong, Vash. I'm not a good person." He
bit his lip, lowering his head until only the blonde strands of his
hair were visible. "I'm barely even a person in any meaningful sense.
I'm a monstrosity. I had no right to kiss Eiko... to try and deny you
that..."

There was a momentary, awkward pause, and Neil bit his lip once again
for just a moment. "You were right on the day we met, you know. You
said that I should be ashamed of myself for what I'd done. I fought
back because I knew that you were right." The vaguest hints of sadness
were beginning to creep into his voice. "Not much to be proud of, is
it?"

Vash had no response, something that didn't seem to surprise Neil as he
looked into the other boy's eyes. "You should be with Eiko," he said
softly, his eyes flashing a pain from deep within his thoughts. "You
two... you're what lovers should be. I'm not even going to be here
after the last Angel is destroyed, and..." He sighed. "I'm babbling."

There was some vague sense of responsibility fighting inside of Vash,
and he felt himself fighting between the urge to step outside and
confront the other boy and the urge to put his shoes on first. "Neil,
what happened?" he managed at length.

"I told Nieve that I kissed Eiko," replied Neil sheepishly, this time
casting his gaze towards the moon, the silvery orb hanging bright in
the sky and casting fingers of white light across the night. There was
something almost alien in his eyes as he looked upwards, something that
stirred Vash's soul. "Stupid of me, wasn't it? All it would have
taken was silence, and maybe everything could have been fine. We could
have all waited for the last Angel in peace, and pretended that nothing
was wrong."

Both boys remained silent, then Neil gave one last bittersweet smile in
Vash's direction. "Sorry to have bothered you," he said at length,
turning away from the house. "Have fun tonight. I certainly won't."

It was some time before Vash even felt capable of movement again,
staring out into the night with a confused expression on his face,
light winter wind blowing his black hair about in small flurries. He
let his eyes drift closed at length, then stepped back from the door
slowly, reaching and shutting it with slow and deliberate movements.
He had expected to have to deal with Neil at some point, but he had
expected anything but a silent acquiescence from the other Child.

"Vash?" Eiko's voice sounded almost alien, and it took him another
moment to turn and realize her, biting his lower lip and wearing a
confused look on his face. "Who was at the door? You've been down
here an awfully long time."

"Neil," replied Vash, turning once again and looking at the door. Eiko
started slightly, but he didn't see, his eyes locking on his shoes as
he began to wonder what it had cost Neil to come and talk with him.
"He told Nieve what happened with you two today. I'm guessing that it
went pretty badly."

"Oh, God. I didn't even think of Neil." She sighed, slapping herself
gently on her forehead, stepping over towards Vash with heavy
footsteps. "I've made a mess of everything, haven't I?"

"It's part of who we were. We both made a mess of things." The boy
turned and pecked Eiko quickly on the cheek, then returned to his
shoes, kicking them in front of him and slipping them on with quick,
deft movements. "Maybe that's why Neil came over in the first place,
trying to set something right."

"You're going, aren't you?" asked Eiko, her voice nervous. A small
pang of guilt stabbed through Vash's chest, but he forced it down,
slipping his other shoe on before turning back to look at the girl. He
knew what he needed to do, and he wanted to be sure that any regrets
would prove to be meaningless.

His eyes took in Eiko's entire body in one quick glance, the slender
and deft hands, the short black hair, the curve of her neck, the stoic
jaw and perfectly innocent eyes. "I have to," he said, stepping as
close to her as he could, letting his arms wrap around her as she
stepped over to him. Her warmth mingled with his own, and for a moment
he could feel the connection from the Angel's attack open just the
slightest bit. The girl's thoughts and dreams seemed to tickle at the
back of his mind, as though she was waiting to thrust them fully into
his head...

Closing his eyes, Vash released the girl, smiling at her as he opened
the door and stepped outside. He could feel the vaguest sense of dread
growing at the back of his mind, but he ignored it, lightly jogging to
the street, struggling to remember where Misato lived. Moonlight
spilled along the black asphalt, and within a moment Vash was off, his
suspicions pushed aside for the moment.

]++[

There was a gentle flow of blood trickling from the wound, just enough
to run down the girl's forearm, dripping from her elbow to the surface
of the couch. Her breathing was steady, only slightly shallow, her
eyes closed peacefully, arm held up to let her bleed more steadily. As
near as she could tell, there was no feeling in her body, no fear or
sadness, only a grim acceptance if there was anything.

Nieve let out a slow breath, shifting her hand slightly, rolling her
thumb and shifting the position of the blade slightly. It scored more
deeply along her thumb, just enough to redouble the bleeding as she
suppressed a shudder, tears pooling slowly as the pain weakly throbbed
from her mangled thumb. "It ought to hurt," she muttered, her voice as
calm and still as Neil's had been. "I should be in agony now. I
should be screaming."

Without knowing exactly why, the girl released the knife, letting it
fall to the couch, blood spattering lightly from the gleaming silver
blade as she moved to examine the wound she'd inflicted upon herself.
It was a relatively deep cut, but nothing that she hadn't seen before,
nothing deep enough to sever nerve endings. Exact depth was hard to
judge with the blood welling around it, but she knew that she should
have felt something, that if nothing else the blood along her arm
should have given her sensation. "Might be bad enough to scar," she
muttered to herself, wiping the blood away with her fingers, trying to
get a good look at the wound on her thumb.

She hadn't intended to do it to herself, at least not specifically. It
had just been a result of her numbness, a simple test of whether or not
her body had simply burned out its ability to feel anything in one
final burst of energy. So she had gone to the kitchen, half-intending
to steal a beer from Misato, and somehow it had seemed like a more
satisfying test to hurt herself directly. She doubt that Misato would
be pleased about her use of the steak knife, but it felt of little
consequence.

Her body lurched to its feet slowly, rocked forward and backwards for a
second or two, then headed towards the bathroom, distantly aware that
she needed to stop the bleeding but feeling rather disconnected from
the associated pain. It took her a moment to even realize that the
door was opening, another for eyes to heavily swing towards the
entrance to see Misato standing there, a tired expression on the
woman's face.

Then Misato looked fully at Nieve, and in a flurry of motion she had
kicked off her shoes and lunged over to the girl, grabbing her arm and
yanking it to eye level as she frantically searching for the source of
the bleeding. "What the hell happened?" she asked, sounding
frighteningly alert as she dragged the girl into the bathroom with her.

"I cut myself," replied Nieve calmly, knowing that Misato was twisting
her arm at an uncomfortable angle but too distanced from the pain to
say anything.

"Well, obviously," replied Misato curtly, finally locating the cut on
Nieve's thumb and examining it closely, her brow knitted as her brown
eyes flicked across the girl's arm. "You bled this much from this one
cut? How long did you wait to get a bandage?"

Nieve stopped for a moment, trying to think as the elder woman rummaged
around in the medicine cabinet for the bandages, her thoughts still
disconnected with the situation. "I don't know, exactly. I think I
cut myself about ten minutes ago, but I wasn't sure if the pain was
just delayed. Then I tried making the wound deeper, but it still
didn't hurt."

Misato froze, a bandage in her hand, poised to place it over the cut as
she slowly raised her eyes to level with Nieve's eyes. "Hold on. When
you say that you cut yourself, do you mean... intentionally?"

"It's not as thought I was trying to kill myself," replied Nieve
flatly, reaching over and snatching the bandage from Misato, placing it
over her thumb and letting the adhesive hold it against her skin. "I
just wanted to see if it would hurt or not." She paused for a moment,
then turned and left the bathroom, her back to Misato. "Neil kissed
Eiko, you know. Earlier today."

The elder woman's face went pale as she stepped out towards the girl,
her hands finding their way to Nieve's shoulders almost unconciously.
Part of her didn't want to believe that Neil would do anything of the
sort, but she could remember the way he had treated her in the past,
and she knew it was the truth. "I'm sorry," she whispered, wishing
that the girl was her own. "Is there anything I can do to help you,
or -"

"Not really. I'm not feeling anything. That was why I cut myself."
She shrugged Misato's hands off her shoulders, then began to walk
slowly towards the living room once again. Rivulets of blood still
stuck to her arm, now smeared by Misato's fingers. "I should probably
go get the knife. I don't know if blood can attract ants or not, but I
guess it's better not to find out."

Misato watched Nieve move, her red hair swaying behind her, a thin
layer of sweat lying on her skin, catching the light just enough to
reveal itself. "You're denying yourself," said Misato softly, touching
the small wooden cross she wore around her neck, feeling something
twitch inside her chest. "You must be dying inside, but you don't want
to admit it."

"Of course not. I'm fine." Her voice felt hollow, but she forced
herself to ignore the nagging doubt in her head, stepping over to the
couch and lifting the knife calmly, only distantly noting the blood on
the blade. "I knew it was coming, it just didn't happen when I thought
that it would. Nothing so unusual about that."

"Stop distancing yourself," snapped Misato, stepping towards Nieve as
the girl slowly walked out of the living room. Nieve simply watched as
her guardian blocked her path to the kitchen, then tried halfheartedly
to step around the purple-haired woman. "I know that this is hard, but
you have to deal with it."

"I am dealing with it. It's not my fault that I can't feel anything."
The same nagging doubt began surging at the back of her mind, and she
had to grip the knife more tightly to distract herself, realizing only
then that she was holding it with the same hand that she had cut. "I
guess that I just burned myself out. My own stupid fault. It's just
Neil. Sooner or later he was bound to leave, so it's just as well that
it was -"

A slap cut through the air, harsh and unexpected, and Nieve could feel
the stinging pain prickling along her cheek. "Don't lie to me or
yourself," Misato half-growled and half-stated, her eyes flashing.

Nieve slowly turned her eyes towards Misato again, her shock growing as
the pain of being slapped sank in more firmly. Then, as if a switch
had been triggered, the searing pain of her thumb tore through her arm,
and she suddenly found a sadness gripping her as if it threatened to
crush the life out of her. She stood only a second longer, then
released the knife and fell forward, tears streaming from her face, a
howl slowly pulling itself from her lips.

"He left," she moaned, her entire weight supported by Misato, her
fingers clutching at the woman's jacket, her tears flowing like a
waterfall. "Oh, God, I tried so hard to do everything right, and he
still left. I gave him -everything- I had, and he didn't even seem to
care about it." She sobbed again, sniffling as she pulled herself
closer to Misato. "But I want him back. I... I..."

"I know," replied Misato, wrapping her arms around the girl, inhaling
deeply and tasting Kaji's skin in the still air. A tear pooled at the
corner of one of her eyes, and the woman and the girl held one another
more tightly, Nieve wailing and Misato crying quietly. It was the only
thing that either of them could manage, lamentations for their lost
darlings, both seemingly out of reach for an eternity.

For all that either of them knew, it could have been hours before the
knock on the door sounded. Time had gone fluid for both of them, and
neither was expecting a visitor. It was Nieve that noticed first,
however, lifting her tear-covered face away from Misato, turning her
blurry green eyes towards the door hopefully. "You don't think...?"

"Maybe," replied Misato, releasing Nieve and stepping towards the door,
feeling her body tremble. She wanted to reassure the girl, but she
knew that it would be lying on at least some level, and as she stepped
to the door the cross around her neck seemed almost chokingly heavy.
Taking a deep breath, she let her fingers close around the gold
doorknob and turn it gently, the door swinging open easily.

"Katsuragi-san," Vash said, his voice sounding rushed, his eyes
flicking around the hallway leading from the door. He seemed eager to
move into the apartment, and the moment that Misato had given him half
an inch of room he was inside, his shoes kicked off with quick
motions. "Nieve, listen, I have to talk to you."

Nieve had the vaguest idea what the discussion would be about, but she
held her tongue, simply watching as the boy moved towards her, an
intensity burning beneath the blue surface of his eyes. "Neil came to
see me tonight. He said that he'd told you what happened, but... well,
I figured he half kicked himself out, but I know that you wouldn't have
made things any -"

"Vash, -please- get to the point," Nieve snapped, her eyes fluttering
shut as she felt an inexplicable anger bury itself in her breast. She
knew that she missed Neil, but somehow she didn't feel as though she
wanted the boy to return so quickly. "Did he ask you to come over
here?"

"He barely said anything about what happened. I came over because I
wanted to." He paused. "Look, Nieve, I don't think you understand
what happened today. I'm not even entirely clear on it myself."

"I understand -enough-," replied Nieve, her tone growing sharper as she
turned her back on Vash. Her thumb was throbbing weakly, her chest
tightening at the mere thought of Neil kissing the other girl. "He
kissed her. I don't blame you if you want to hurt him for what he did,
but -"

"She kissed him." There was an almost tangible pain in Vash's words,
and Nieve cocked her head back just far enough to catch the boy out of
the corner of her eye. It was hard to tell exactly what he was
feeling, but she knew that the words had cost him something. "She was
the one that started it, not him. He... he ran, as soon as he realized
what was going on."

"But he didn't -stop- her!" snapped Nieve, whipping her gaze away once
again, shutting her eyes tightly and trying to force herself not to cry
again. She wanted to be stronger than that, wanted to have more
control over herself even if she'd lost her handle on everything else
around her. "He still let her kiss him."

Vash was silent for a moment or two, and Nieve felt herself waiting
almost desperately, hoping to hear another word, something to prove her
wrong. "You're right," the boy replied at length. "He didn't stop
her. I don't think he even understood exactly what was going on.
It..." He sighed. "It wasn't his fault. I wouldn't -be- here if I
thought otherwise."

Nieve inhaled long and hard, feeling her hair tickle along the back of
her neck as she lowered her head slightly. "I can't know that for
sure. Even you can't." She paused. "I think you should leave now."

"What are you so afraid of?" he asked, his voice still quiet. "You
didn't look into his eyes, did you? He didn't do anything to hurt you,
not intentionally. He looked as though he was about to die when I saw
him, as though you'd stabbed him through the heart. Just because he
made a mistake -"

"-Go- now," snarled Nieve, her eyes squeezing more tightly shut, her
fists clenching almost unconsciously. "You don't -know- what I've had
to deal with, Vash. You don't know what I have to be afraid of. You
don't know what -my- eyes look like right now."

"Then find him," said Vash, voice growing more and more quiet. "Bring
him back here. Forgive him. Nieve, don't make my mistake. I know how
much you're hurting right now, but... as long as you keep waiting for
someone else to beg you for forgiveness -"

"GO AWAY!" screamed Nieve, whirling on her heel and flinging herself at
Vash, pressing her face close to his, forcing him to look her in the
eye. "You don't know -anything-! I'll deal with this on my -own-!
I'm in -control- here, do you -understand- that?"

Vash recoiled slightly, then weakly stepped away, slowly walking
towards the door in halting half-steps. He stepped down beside Misato
and slipped his shoes back on silently, occasionally glancing towards
Nieve weakly, as though he'd genuinely expected to have some effect.
He didn't truly look at her again until his hand was on the door, an
unreadably blank expression on his face. "You have to let it go," he
said, softly, only barely loud enough for the girl to even hear. "We
all have to."

Then he was gone, leaving Nieve and Misato alone in the apartment.
Nieve looked into Misato's eyes as calmly as she could manage, seeing
the questions on the woman's face. Beneath it all she could see an
acceptance of Vash's words, as though she somehow trusted in Neil
beyond the facts. It made Nieve feel hopeful and angry at once, and
she had to look away, casting her eyes towards the table, tracing the
lines of the wood with her mind.

"I'm going to bed," she said, her voice raspy as she turned and almost
stepped into Neil's room. Biting her lower lip, she headed towards her
room and opened the door, silently praying that she would wake to find
that she had dreamed the whole thing.

]++[

His map was sitting back in Misato's apartment, the map he had bought
during his first full day in Tokyo-3. It was an oddly symbolic thing,
and if he had had it he would have burned it happily. As it was, he
had no idea where he was, only that he was lost somewhere in the midst
of Tokyo-3, sitting on the shore of what seemed like a grand and
powerful lake, leaning against the harsh bark of the tree as the cool
night encompassed him, and wanting nothing so badly as the sweet
release of death.

Neil Richelieu, as far as he was concerned, was dead. There was
nothing left at Misato's, not with the woman or the girl, and the last
traces of a chance he might have had with Eiko were shattered the
instant he saw Vash standing in her doorway. "Everything went wrong,"
he muttered, still feeling oddly distant. "Everything's ruined, and
it's all because I decided to be an idiot and let her kiss me."

Crickets chirped around him, and he cast his eyes weakly towards the
heavens, watching as the moon's silver outline became blurry and
indistinct. He was crying, and a moment or two after he realized it he
threw himself into the act, flinging himself down against the cool
grass at the shore of the lake, letting out a howl into the night,
wishing that sleep would take him and save him from realizing what he
had done.

"I'm the worst," he muttered through intermittent sobs, unsure of how
much time was passing, of whether or not he had been there for simply
minutes or months. "She did give me everything, and I just ruined it,
crumpled it and threw it away, and..." Another choking sob interrupted
his own words. "I'm a demon."

Enough time passed, and the tears faded, not from a loss of sadness but
from a simple inability to cry any longer. He pulled himself weakly to
his feet, casting his eyes towards the heavens once again. The
intensity of the moment had passed, and that left him with nothing to
do but simply contemplate his own inevitable damnation. Closing his
eyes tightly, he let himself begin singing, quietly, just enough for
the tune to reach his own ears. It was a mournful song, one he'd
learned from his mother, one that had always stirred him into sorrow
upon hearing it. It certainly wasn't making things any better.

Lost in the emotion of the song, it took Neil a few moment to realize
that a high tenor note was echoing his own singing. He wrote it off as
his own dellusion at first, but the sound persisted, growing louder and
closer, and Neil could feel himself singing louder to match the other
voice.

Finally driven out of his own sorrow long enough to be curious, Neil
turned, his eyes wide as he looked on the unexpected visitor. It was
another boy, he could tell that much, but the figure seemed indistinct
until it drew closer. "Who are you?" asked Neil, his voice still
trembling slightly, his body tensing and relaxing at slow intervals.

"A friend," replied the other boy, his voice high without being
feminine. He stepped into the moonlight decisively, and the moon
seemed almost to turn to frame him, the silver tone of its light
matching the light color of the boy's hair. He was pale without being
deathly, and his hair hung around his hair in a great mane, as though
he'd never let a comb touch it before. It was a sharp contrast to his
almost dangerously thin body, his large blood-red eyes, the thin and
delicate features of his face. "I'd like to think that, anyways."

Neil stepped backwards slightly, but the boy seemed unthreatening, his
hands jammed in the pockets of his black pants, his movements graceful
and decisive. "I..." He stopped, struggling to find the words. "How
long have you been here?"

"Long enough. Don't worry." The boy took another step forward,
wearing a thin but friendly smile, as though he was trying to placate
Neil. "I just want to help. It doesn't seem right for you to be
hurting as much as you are."

One slender, pale hand emerged from the pockets and extended towards
Neil, fingers splayed in the pale moonlight, and Neil felt something
oddly reverent about the gesture. After only a moment's hesitation, he
extended his own hand, seizing the thin boy's hand in his own,
surprised at the warmth. "I'm Neil Richelieu," he said, quietly and
reluctantly.

"I know," replied the boy, still smiling. "My name's Kaworu Nagisa."
His smile flickered for the barest of instants, looking almost guilty
for a second. "It seems as though I've been waiting for you for a very
long time."

]++[

Outro: Neon Epoch Evangelion is based off of -Shin Seiki Evangelion- by
GAINAX and company. It is not intended to be a straightforward fanfic,
but it is building off the work of others, and as such it is done with
the utmost respect for the original works and their authors.
Basically, even though this is an original work, it's based off the
work of others, and if you read this, you should go to see the original.

Special thanks to all of the real Children - you know who you are.

Extra special thanks to Joe Augulis for his consultation on the
Japanese portions of the story. He might not know much Japanese, but
that's more than I know.

Copyright 2002 Eliot Lefebvre.

NEXT EPISODE:
An Angel touched me,
An Angel held me,
An Angel loved me.
NEON EPOCH EVANGELION 25: SIGH OF AN ANGEL
"God have mercy on my soul."

]++[

We only have a little time in our lives to waste. Make the most of it.
Electronic Transcendence Productions:
Producer of, um, stuff for an unspecified time-period.
Rants: