Chapter Five
I don't remember my mother actually telling me the story. I just somehow know it. She sat down across from me. Her eyes were blood shot and red. It looked like she was grinding her teeth, something she did often when she was angry with someone.
She told me my father was a man named Derek Brooks. I had never heard this name before. It was like she was just making this up. How could she not have told me that Trevor wasn't my father?
I stared straight at the floor through her whole explanation. She was trying to make it seem all right. She was trying to defend keeping such a secret from me.
"How could you not tell me?" I asked when she had stopped babbling about how hard she had had it.
"I was going to tell you.I was," she said.
I looked up at her, "No, you weren't!" I yelled.
She jumped back in surprise. She hadn't expected me to be so angry about this I assumed. Did she think I would be happy that most of my family had been keeping such an important secret from me all my life? Everyone must know except Greg and Colin.
"Colin is only my half brother?" I asked, lowering my voice again.
She nodded, "Anthony and Erin aren't your Aunt and Uncle, Greg is not your cousin," she said sadly. She didn't seem sad for me, she was sad that she had to let her big secret out. She didn't want her perfect little family to be ruined.
"I can't believe this," I said, standing up.
"Hope, where are you going?" Mom asked, she stood up and came closer to me.
"I need to. go somewhere," I told her. I turned around quickly and went out the den door.
"No Hope! Please, we have to talk about this," Mom cried after me. She ran after me and grabbed my arm. She tried to pull me into a hug but I pulled away from her.
"Where is my father?" I asked as I grabbed my coat.
"Derek is dead," Mom said. Tears spilled over her eyelids and ran down her cheeks like tiny little rivers. But I didn't care how my mother felt right now.
I paused for a minute, taking in the fact that the father I had never known was dead. I would never know him. I never knew how those people felt, who had lost a family member. Now I had suddenly gained and lost a father in less than an hour. No one could know how I felt right now.
I pulled open the door and a cool breeze blew in, causing my dark hair to blow over my face. I brushed it away and looked back at my mother. She was standing in the foyer, arms crossed over her chest. She was crying.
"Hope wait," she said. She disappeared into the living room. I was about to leave when she came back out carrying a photo album. She handed it to me.
"Just look at this, please don't go far," she looked into my eyes. She looked devastated. I knew then that I could never intentionally hurt her. She was so fragile.
I took the album and walked away from the light that poured out into the front yard. I hurried down the embankment that led to the river. I looked back at the house once. I thought I saw a face looking down from Tyler's darkened room but when I looked again, the window was empty. I felt around on the dock for the rope that tied the motorboat to the shore. I found it quickly and after getting in the boat I untied it.
I was out in the middle of the lake in no time. I steered the boat in the direction of the little cave. I stopped for a minute when I saw a light coming from the cave. I turned off the motor and rowed up on to the tiny shore. I grabbed the photo album and went to the opening of the cave quietly.
Who could be in there? Had someone else discovered my hideout?
"Hope, I can see you," Greg's voice came from behind me.
I turned around quickly, my heart thumping.
"Don't do that to me," I told him. I tried to smile but I just couldn't force one out, "What are you doing here?" I asked. I went inside the cave. Greg had lit the four little gas lamps. We had found them in the basement in one of my mother's boxes one day when we were younger and decided that they would be perfect for our cave.
I sat down on the blanket that we kept inside the cave. Greg had a bag of Oreo's opened in the ground. Greg was addicted to Oreo's; he never came here without a bag of them and rarely left here with any left.
He sat down beside me and grabbed a cookie, he offered me the bag but I shook my head. I had lost my appetite after everything that had happened today. I knew this party had been a bad idea from the start, and now I was sitting in a cave with my cousin who now wasn't my cousin, because of the party. I knew that if the party had never happened that Tyler wouldn't have shot Jason and I never would have found out the truth. But was that what I wanted? Yes, I thought defiantly, I wish I could go back to having a happy family.
A lot of my friends were jealous that my family was so happy and normal. A lot of them had divorced parents or they had never known one of their parents. Now I knew what it felt like to not know a parent and never be able to know him.
"I knew you were going to be here, so I came first," Greg told me, "Are you okay?" he looked at me closely. I stared back into his beautiful blue eyes. I was so thankful to have someone like him to talk to. I don't know what I would do if he hadn't come tonight.
"Not really, I just found out that Trevor isn't my father," I told him quietly. As happy I was that he was there, I wasn't proud of what had happened tonight.
His eyes widened in surprise. I wondered if the fact that we weren't really cousins had occurred to him like it had occurred to me.
"Who is?" he asked.
"I don't know him, and I never will, he's dead," I said. Just then I remembered the photo album. I picked it up from the blanket and set it on my lap. The cover was brown leather and it looked like it had been very expensive once, now it just looked all worn out.
I opened the album to find pictures of a baby. I assumed it was a boy because he was wearing a blue jumper. His hair was so blond, you could hardly tell he had any. I couldn't see anything but the arms of the person who was holding him.
"This is my father," I realized. On the inside cover it read: DEREK COLIN BROOKS.
I turned the pages and watched as my father grew up. There were pictures of him when he first started walking, a birthday where he had cake all over his face, his first day of school, sitting on Santa's lap at the mall, opening presents on Christmas Day, and finally his graduation.
This picture showed him smiling very widely. His hair was still blond and as I looked closer I saw he had hazel eyes. That's where I had gotten them. He had his arm around a girl with long dark hair. She was looking up at him with the biggest smile on her face. It was my mother.
Tears came to my eyes again. They looked so in love in the few pictures with them together. They were always touching eachother in some way and they would be looking at eachother, seemingly oblivious to anyone else in the entire world. The very last picture in the book was one of my father holding me. He was gazing down at me with so much love in his eyes. I had never seen Trevor look at me that way.
Greg came over and sat down beside me. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. I wiped away a tear that had fallen from my eyes.
"Oh Greg, I wish I could meet him," I said, my voice breaking.
"I know, but at least you have this photo album," he said. He sounded so concerned about me. I really didn't know what I would do without him. No one else seemed to care about me anymore.
"Do you realize we aren't really cousins?" I asked. I didn't look at up at him, for fear of what he would do. I didn't know how he felt about me, but pretty much the only good thing about this night was finding out Greg wasn't my cousin.
"Yes," he hugged me tighter.
"There is so much that my mother kept from me," I said.
"There are a lot of things about our family that neither of us know," Greg said. He had abandoned a half eaten Oreo cookie on the blanket. I knew that he wasn't himself; he never left an Oreo half eaten.
"What should we do?" I asked. I don't know why I asked. I wasn't expecting to do anything about what had happened tonight. I thought life would have to go on as normal. But now that I thought about it, I didn't think life COULD go on as normal. Colin was only my half brother, would Mom tell him the truth? Would Trevor ever talk to me again?
"I have an idea," Greg said, surprising me. What idea could he possibly have?
"You do?" I asked, turning around to face him.
He nodded sitting up, he had an excited look on his face, "We have to go see someone," he said. I stood up quickly and started to pace across the cave. He always paced when he was thinking.
"Who?" I asked, confused.
"Fred Jamieson," he answered.
"Who is that?" I asked. He wasn't making any sense.
"Our grandfather," he said, "I heard my parents talking earlier. My mom got a letter from him, she was kind of upset about it. I brought the letter. I wanted to show you a long time ago but I didn't know if I should,"
"I don't understand what he has to do with us," I said, but I took the letter that Greg was holding out to me.
"Just read it," he said. He grabbed another cookie and popped it in his mouth. I looked at him for a minute and then opened the envelope.
The letter was on white lined paper. He had written it with pencil, which I found odd; I had never seen an adult write any kind of letter in pencil before. His writing was kind of messy. I looked up at Greg again; he raised his eyebrows and gestured to the letter. I leaned back against the cave wall and began to read:
Dear Erin, I don't know if you will even read this letter, but I had to write to you. I have been writing to Skye for a while now and even Tyler has written once in awhile. You are the only one who won't speak to me at all. I have missed you for a long time now. I know I did a lot of things that hurt you but I have changed now, and I would really like to be a part of your life. Skye has been telling me about your son. I'd really like to meet him. How is Anthony doing? I live in London, I work as a janitor of a local high school. I enjoy my work. I have stopped drinking and I am doing so much better. How is your life going? I hope you are happy. I know everything that happened so long ago with Hannah. I'm so sorry that Skye had to go through that, and how awful for her husband to die. But she is happy now. And I hope that you are too. I would really like to hear from you. Please write back. Love, Fred.
I looked up at Greg and he smiled.
"Who is Hannah?" I asked.
"I'm not sure, but I think she is Skye's mother," he said, "I heard my parents talking and they said a lot about Hannah and how they couldn't believe what she did,"
"All of this is so confusing," I sighed. I still didn't know what Greg expected us to do about any of this.
"We have to go to London and see Fred," Greg said.
"What?" I asked.
"He'll tell us the truth, there is no point in asking your mother about your father and Hannah, she'll lie-"
"You don't know that," I protested.
"She's been lying to you all your life," Greg reminded me.
I didn't say anything.
"We have to do it Hope," Greg said. He looked so determined to see Fred Jamieson. Well I wasn't about to let him drive across the province on his own.
"Okay, let's go visit Fred Jamieson," I agreed.
I don't remember my mother actually telling me the story. I just somehow know it. She sat down across from me. Her eyes were blood shot and red. It looked like she was grinding her teeth, something she did often when she was angry with someone.
She told me my father was a man named Derek Brooks. I had never heard this name before. It was like she was just making this up. How could she not have told me that Trevor wasn't my father?
I stared straight at the floor through her whole explanation. She was trying to make it seem all right. She was trying to defend keeping such a secret from me.
"How could you not tell me?" I asked when she had stopped babbling about how hard she had had it.
"I was going to tell you.I was," she said.
I looked up at her, "No, you weren't!" I yelled.
She jumped back in surprise. She hadn't expected me to be so angry about this I assumed. Did she think I would be happy that most of my family had been keeping such an important secret from me all my life? Everyone must know except Greg and Colin.
"Colin is only my half brother?" I asked, lowering my voice again.
She nodded, "Anthony and Erin aren't your Aunt and Uncle, Greg is not your cousin," she said sadly. She didn't seem sad for me, she was sad that she had to let her big secret out. She didn't want her perfect little family to be ruined.
"I can't believe this," I said, standing up.
"Hope, where are you going?" Mom asked, she stood up and came closer to me.
"I need to. go somewhere," I told her. I turned around quickly and went out the den door.
"No Hope! Please, we have to talk about this," Mom cried after me. She ran after me and grabbed my arm. She tried to pull me into a hug but I pulled away from her.
"Where is my father?" I asked as I grabbed my coat.
"Derek is dead," Mom said. Tears spilled over her eyelids and ran down her cheeks like tiny little rivers. But I didn't care how my mother felt right now.
I paused for a minute, taking in the fact that the father I had never known was dead. I would never know him. I never knew how those people felt, who had lost a family member. Now I had suddenly gained and lost a father in less than an hour. No one could know how I felt right now.
I pulled open the door and a cool breeze blew in, causing my dark hair to blow over my face. I brushed it away and looked back at my mother. She was standing in the foyer, arms crossed over her chest. She was crying.
"Hope wait," she said. She disappeared into the living room. I was about to leave when she came back out carrying a photo album. She handed it to me.
"Just look at this, please don't go far," she looked into my eyes. She looked devastated. I knew then that I could never intentionally hurt her. She was so fragile.
I took the album and walked away from the light that poured out into the front yard. I hurried down the embankment that led to the river. I looked back at the house once. I thought I saw a face looking down from Tyler's darkened room but when I looked again, the window was empty. I felt around on the dock for the rope that tied the motorboat to the shore. I found it quickly and after getting in the boat I untied it.
I was out in the middle of the lake in no time. I steered the boat in the direction of the little cave. I stopped for a minute when I saw a light coming from the cave. I turned off the motor and rowed up on to the tiny shore. I grabbed the photo album and went to the opening of the cave quietly.
Who could be in there? Had someone else discovered my hideout?
"Hope, I can see you," Greg's voice came from behind me.
I turned around quickly, my heart thumping.
"Don't do that to me," I told him. I tried to smile but I just couldn't force one out, "What are you doing here?" I asked. I went inside the cave. Greg had lit the four little gas lamps. We had found them in the basement in one of my mother's boxes one day when we were younger and decided that they would be perfect for our cave.
I sat down on the blanket that we kept inside the cave. Greg had a bag of Oreo's opened in the ground. Greg was addicted to Oreo's; he never came here without a bag of them and rarely left here with any left.
He sat down beside me and grabbed a cookie, he offered me the bag but I shook my head. I had lost my appetite after everything that had happened today. I knew this party had been a bad idea from the start, and now I was sitting in a cave with my cousin who now wasn't my cousin, because of the party. I knew that if the party had never happened that Tyler wouldn't have shot Jason and I never would have found out the truth. But was that what I wanted? Yes, I thought defiantly, I wish I could go back to having a happy family.
A lot of my friends were jealous that my family was so happy and normal. A lot of them had divorced parents or they had never known one of their parents. Now I knew what it felt like to not know a parent and never be able to know him.
"I knew you were going to be here, so I came first," Greg told me, "Are you okay?" he looked at me closely. I stared back into his beautiful blue eyes. I was so thankful to have someone like him to talk to. I don't know what I would do if he hadn't come tonight.
"Not really, I just found out that Trevor isn't my father," I told him quietly. As happy I was that he was there, I wasn't proud of what had happened tonight.
His eyes widened in surprise. I wondered if the fact that we weren't really cousins had occurred to him like it had occurred to me.
"Who is?" he asked.
"I don't know him, and I never will, he's dead," I said. Just then I remembered the photo album. I picked it up from the blanket and set it on my lap. The cover was brown leather and it looked like it had been very expensive once, now it just looked all worn out.
I opened the album to find pictures of a baby. I assumed it was a boy because he was wearing a blue jumper. His hair was so blond, you could hardly tell he had any. I couldn't see anything but the arms of the person who was holding him.
"This is my father," I realized. On the inside cover it read: DEREK COLIN BROOKS.
I turned the pages and watched as my father grew up. There were pictures of him when he first started walking, a birthday where he had cake all over his face, his first day of school, sitting on Santa's lap at the mall, opening presents on Christmas Day, and finally his graduation.
This picture showed him smiling very widely. His hair was still blond and as I looked closer I saw he had hazel eyes. That's where I had gotten them. He had his arm around a girl with long dark hair. She was looking up at him with the biggest smile on her face. It was my mother.
Tears came to my eyes again. They looked so in love in the few pictures with them together. They were always touching eachother in some way and they would be looking at eachother, seemingly oblivious to anyone else in the entire world. The very last picture in the book was one of my father holding me. He was gazing down at me with so much love in his eyes. I had never seen Trevor look at me that way.
Greg came over and sat down beside me. He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. I wiped away a tear that had fallen from my eyes.
"Oh Greg, I wish I could meet him," I said, my voice breaking.
"I know, but at least you have this photo album," he said. He sounded so concerned about me. I really didn't know what I would do without him. No one else seemed to care about me anymore.
"Do you realize we aren't really cousins?" I asked. I didn't look at up at him, for fear of what he would do. I didn't know how he felt about me, but pretty much the only good thing about this night was finding out Greg wasn't my cousin.
"Yes," he hugged me tighter.
"There is so much that my mother kept from me," I said.
"There are a lot of things about our family that neither of us know," Greg said. He had abandoned a half eaten Oreo cookie on the blanket. I knew that he wasn't himself; he never left an Oreo half eaten.
"What should we do?" I asked. I don't know why I asked. I wasn't expecting to do anything about what had happened tonight. I thought life would have to go on as normal. But now that I thought about it, I didn't think life COULD go on as normal. Colin was only my half brother, would Mom tell him the truth? Would Trevor ever talk to me again?
"I have an idea," Greg said, surprising me. What idea could he possibly have?
"You do?" I asked, turning around to face him.
He nodded sitting up, he had an excited look on his face, "We have to go see someone," he said. I stood up quickly and started to pace across the cave. He always paced when he was thinking.
"Who?" I asked, confused.
"Fred Jamieson," he answered.
"Who is that?" I asked. He wasn't making any sense.
"Our grandfather," he said, "I heard my parents talking earlier. My mom got a letter from him, she was kind of upset about it. I brought the letter. I wanted to show you a long time ago but I didn't know if I should,"
"I don't understand what he has to do with us," I said, but I took the letter that Greg was holding out to me.
"Just read it," he said. He grabbed another cookie and popped it in his mouth. I looked at him for a minute and then opened the envelope.
The letter was on white lined paper. He had written it with pencil, which I found odd; I had never seen an adult write any kind of letter in pencil before. His writing was kind of messy. I looked up at Greg again; he raised his eyebrows and gestured to the letter. I leaned back against the cave wall and began to read:
Dear Erin, I don't know if you will even read this letter, but I had to write to you. I have been writing to Skye for a while now and even Tyler has written once in awhile. You are the only one who won't speak to me at all. I have missed you for a long time now. I know I did a lot of things that hurt you but I have changed now, and I would really like to be a part of your life. Skye has been telling me about your son. I'd really like to meet him. How is Anthony doing? I live in London, I work as a janitor of a local high school. I enjoy my work. I have stopped drinking and I am doing so much better. How is your life going? I hope you are happy. I know everything that happened so long ago with Hannah. I'm so sorry that Skye had to go through that, and how awful for her husband to die. But she is happy now. And I hope that you are too. I would really like to hear from you. Please write back. Love, Fred.
I looked up at Greg and he smiled.
"Who is Hannah?" I asked.
"I'm not sure, but I think she is Skye's mother," he said, "I heard my parents talking and they said a lot about Hannah and how they couldn't believe what she did,"
"All of this is so confusing," I sighed. I still didn't know what Greg expected us to do about any of this.
"We have to go to London and see Fred," Greg said.
"What?" I asked.
"He'll tell us the truth, there is no point in asking your mother about your father and Hannah, she'll lie-"
"You don't know that," I protested.
"She's been lying to you all your life," Greg reminded me.
I didn't say anything.
"We have to do it Hope," Greg said. He looked so determined to see Fred Jamieson. Well I wasn't about to let him drive across the province on his own.
"Okay, let's go visit Fred Jamieson," I agreed.
