RAPHAEL:
I was leaning on the cement ledge, staring down at the rain-swept street below when I heard him approach. I didn't bother to turn. I knew who it was. His presence was all too familiar. I held back the urge to shoot some sadistic remark at him. I didn't want to fight right now, but I didn't like that he'd followed me.
He approached with caution, probably expecting me to blow up at him for showing up here. Rightly so. I valued my privacy above all. And he couldn't have misinterpreted that I had been avoiding him all day. I needed some time to think, and I didn't want him breathing down my neck.
"You okay?" he asked.
"Fine," I mumbled. It was the first exchange of words since yesterday afternoon.
He wasn't sure what to say, I could tell. He was walking on eggshells, trying not to say anything that might set me off. Pathetic, that I could see it so easily. And pathetic, that he had to be so careful. But we both understood. I wanted to be alone. He was pushing me just by showing up here.
He leaned against the ledge and looked down. We were fifteen stories up, on top of an old building that was half-vacant. The moon was nearly full, and it cast an eerie glow over the rooftops. Down on the streets, two rows of lights, one red and one white, moved like blood through the veins of the city.
"What happened last night, Raph?" he asked. "With Katarina?"
"None of your business," I shot back. I'd known it was only a matter of time before he decided it was time to talk about her, but I wasn't ready to fight with him about it. I still wasn't sure what position I was going to take.
He caught his breath, like he was going to snap back at me, but he didn't. "What is it about her?" he asked quietly. "You can't seem to decide whether you want to kill her or sleep with her, can you?"
"Shut up, Leo," I glared. His words were just as sharp as they would've been if he'd yelled them. Maybe moreso, because he was so calm, so collected. I hated that. I hated that he was always so calm.
"You want her to leave?"
I stared at him. What the hell was he after? He was setting me up for something, but I couldn't tell what. Fine. Two could play at that game. "I want to know why the hell she's here in the first place," I demanded. "And don't lie to me."
He sighed and there was a moment of silence. "I met her before this whole thing with April," he confessed. Of course he did. That was no surprise. But getting him to admit it was a big step in the right direction. "And I think I may have been the reason why they came after her in the first place."
"So is that why you trusted her?" I demanded. "You felt guilty?"
He rested his hand on my shoulder. "I trusted her because I know her. And I need to know if you still want her to leave."
"Get your hand off me, Leo," I threatened. His hand dropped and he sighed. He was testing me, I could tell. Why was he testing me? What did he want? I didn't like that I wasn't sure. He knew damn well I wouldn't tell him to throw her out. He knew something had happened last night, even if he didn't know what. Hell, I still didn't know what had happened. I didn't love her. I wasn't really even attracted to her. But sparks had definately flown, and I wasn't too blind to see that. Apparently, Leo wasn't either, and he hadn't even been there.
I wondered if he'd already talked to her. The thought raised a new question in my mind. What did she say? I hadn't thought of that. Was she as confused as I was? I didn't trust her. But I couldn't deny that there was something there. Something I wasn't ready to face yet.
I turned and glared at Leo. "Yeah, sure, throw her to the foot clan. Sounds like a great plan to me." He said nothing. "Come on, Leo, if you had any intention of doing that, you would've done it already."
He sighed and looked away. "I know you're probably going to flip out on me for saying this but if you could spare me the dramatics for just a moment..."
"Leo..." I warned. I didn't like where this was going. He needed to leave.
"Does she remind you of an old girlfriend or something?" he demanded. I tensed. "Is that why you..."
"No, Leo," I replied firmly. "She does not."
"Well, what is it, Raph? I mean, frankly, I'm worried about you two."
I spun to see him. "Look, Leo, I do not need you to worry about me, okay?" I yelled, jabbing my finger into his chest.
I spun and left him standing at the ledge, half-wishing he would follow me. I had a serious urge to kick his ass. But I wouldn't strike first this time. I was right, and I wanted to be right all the way.
KIARA:
I walked into the room and bowed respectfully. "You wanted to see me?" I questioned.
"{Have you done what I asked?}"
I sighed, irritated. I should've known this was what he wanted. "{I need more time,}" I informed him. It was the same damn thing I'd said over the phone, and yet he still didn't grasp it.
"{More time for what?}" he demanded.
I cast my eyes down, hiding the disrespect I felt. I knew I should not feel this way, and yet I could not help but be angry at the way he pressured me for results. A few months ago, I was incapable of doing anything right. Now, suddenly, his entire purpose in life rested on my shoulders. I couldn't make a mistake, and he didn't want to give me the time to be careful. Anger raged inside of me. I had not asked for him to assign me this task he deemed impossible. Why had he done it? Was he setting me up to fail? A lesson in humility? I clenched my teeth at the thought.
It is because you're a woman, my subconscience argued. Because even if you are caught somehow, he believes they will not see you as a great threat because you are not a man. The fact that he gave you this assignment has nothing to do with his faith in you.
I hated it, but I knew that was the truth. I also knew that there was truth to the fact that if I failed in something he considered to be simple, he would never let me live it down. And he did think it simple, or he never would've handed it to me. If I failed, he would be proven right in every insult he had ever shot in my direction about women's emotions being an unconquerable hindrence to their success. We were the weaker sex; he was a firm believer in that notion, and I wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong.
"{We must be careful, Father," I reported. "Every one of them is a formidable opponent.}"
"{I am well aware of that,}" he reminded me. Of course he knew that. He had fought them before, hadn't he? Then why was he so eager to rush me headlong into a battle he, himself, couldn't win?
"{I will get you what you want,}" I sighed, determined anger sealing the vow. "{But you must give me time.}"
"{Time for what?}"
"{To watch. To organize. I still don't fully understand their structure. Each is a threat in their own right, and together they are unstoppable. But in the absence of even one of them, they are weak and vulnerable.}"
"{So what is the problem?}" he demanded. "{You have easy access to them, as you have for quite some time now. You could disable any one of them with no danger to yourself.}"
That was not true. Surely he knew that. I couldn't just walk up to one of them and kill him, even if I did know where they lived and how they worked. But part of me cringed at the realization that, in a way, he was right. I watched them during times when their guard was low, and I had a better chance than anyone of getting to them.
A thought struck me. Something felt distinctly wrong about killing someone while they slept, regardless of the circumstances. "{Would you have me dishonor your name?}" I asked, raising my eyes hesitantly. "{To murder them?}"
The question struck him. He almost looked shocked, as if the thought had never occured to him. No, the thought had occured. He was just surprised that I had brought it out in the open. Murder was a different story altogether. To kill someone in the heat of battle, that was not murder. To die upholding what you believed in, or to kill under those same circumstances, this was honorable. But to kill someone while they were unarmed and unaware? To murder?
Bastard, I thought as I studied him. That is what you want. With all the teaching you've instilled in me about honor, you would have me commit murder...
"Iie," he protested. "{I would have you understand the enemy.}"
I smiled faintly, realizing that I'd won this battle. "{Then allow me time to understand them.}"
He stared at me for a moment, then turned his back on me. I smiled as I left the room.
KATARINA:
I heard the thunder growl low, resonating through the endless tunnels of the sewers. Alone in the darkness, I was not afraid. I was remembering a time, as a child, that I had crawled under the bed and hid from an angry storm. I was remembering it at three thirty in the morning.
I sat up and looked around the room, straining to see in the dim light. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. The room was still in the flickering candlelight, shadows dancing on the empty walls. The spare bedroom had nothing but a bed and a desk. That was fine; it was all I needed. I watched the silent spirits dance, playing with the fears of an overactive imagination.
I lay back down and let out a long, slow breath, closing my eyes and trying to relax. A low grumble resonated through the lair and another round of thunder took its toll on the serene silence. It had to be raining pretty hard outside. The air was electrified, even in the depths of the sewers.
I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I had slept for about an hour, very lightly, before Raph had woken me up as he stumbled blindly through the lair, knocking things over. I wasn't sure if he was tripping so much because it was dark, or if the confusion was more a result of his drunkenness. I suppose it was none of my business.
I ran my fingers through my hair, catching them on a knot. I had not brushed my hair in two days. For that matter, I hadn't showered in that long, either, and I felt gross. It wasn't that I hadn't had ample opportunity. But something about this place still made me nervous. I didn't like the idea of possibly being caught unaware.
I stood to my feet and wobbled for a second as I remembered how to walk. It was warm and humid down here. I could feel the sweat lining the back of my neck. I pulled my hair up and held it in a ponytail as I headed for the ladder leading to freedom. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of here for a few minutes.
I climbed up into the sewers and wandered through the tunnels under the city. It didn't take me very long to realize I was not alone.
RAPHAEL:
She stopped underneath a storm drain and stared up at the sky. A wall of rain separated us, but I could still see her clearly. I wasn't sure if she realized I was following her, but something told me she did. Still, I chose not to say anything. I remained in the shadows and watched as she rinsed her hair in the heavy shower falling on her.
A flash of lightning illuminated her silhouette and I saw how her dark shirt clung to her form. Her jeans hung low on her hips and I could see the outline of her curves in the darkness. I smiled. She had a great body.
I watched her for a few more minutes before I decided to approach her. I would've been content to just sit and watch her until she was through, but I had a feeling she knew I was there and wouldn't necessarily take that as a compliment. I didn't want to piss her off. I doubted she would appreciate the fascination.
"Spying on me?" she asked when I was still a few yards away. She had known I was there. There was no way she could've heard me and she didn't seem shocked by my approach. I was a little hung over, but I wasn't that drunk. I could still move silently.
"Maybe," I answered.
She turned her head, but kept her back facing me. "Why?"
I shrugged. "Why not?"
She looked away again. "It's not polite, for one thing."
I smiled to myself. "Whatever gave you the impression that I was polite?" I questioned.
She swung her soaked hair back over her shoulder, flicking water on me in the process, and spun around. I was stunned for a moment. She smiled at me, resting her hands on her hips.
"You're staring at my chest, Raph," she informed me.
I blinked, realizing she was right, and focused on her face, surprised to find that I was actually sort of embarrassed. "Sorry," I apologized. No, I wasn't Romeo. But there were some things that even I knew weren't appropriate.
She smiled and placed her hands on her hips. "See anything interesting?"
I crossed my arms over my chest. She was playing with me, and I wasn't sure yet if I liked it. "Well, that's not the word I would've used," I told her.
She stared at me for a long time, rainwater running down her face, and I found myself wondering what she was thinking. Finally, she turned away and sat down on the wooden bench that Don had built along the wall. She wrung her hair out as I sat down next to her. "I want to thank you," she finally mumbled. "For letting me stay here."
She tossed her hair over her shoulder, catching my eye. I looked away before she could notice me staring again. "Thank Leo," I responded. "His bright idea."
She leaned back against the wall and crossed her legs. "Well, you'll be happy to know that I won't be here for much longer."
"Why?" I questioned.
"I have to go back to work soon," she sighed. "Can't take much more time off. I've already killed all my sick days."
"Hmm," I acknowledged, studying the rain runoff. "And that's more important than staying alive." I wasn't by any means trying to persuade her to stay. But if she needed all the help Leo thought she did, going back to her everyday routine was not such a wise move at this point.
She looked at me, a sarcastic expression on her face. "I have to eat, Raph. When this is all over, I need to still have a job. I know that's hard for you to grasp, but it's the way my life works."
That almost sounded like an insult, but I decided to let it go. "Where is it you work?" I questioned, not looking at her.
"Channel 3, remember?"
I knew that. Duh. "Assistant producer, right?" I tried to recover.
"Yes," she answered. "For the ten o'clock newscast."
"April's on the five, right?"
"April is our crime reporter. She only anchors when we need a fill-in."
Silence engulfed us. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain. A loud clap of thunder paralyzed the serenity of the moment and I remembered that I was not alone. "So do you like it?" I asked.
"What?"
"Your job."
She paused. "I hate it."
I glanced at her. "Then why are you so concerned about losing it?"
"Because I still have to eat."
I nodded slowly, considering her words. In a way, I was glad I didn't live that kind of life. "So is it TV you hate, or just the station?"
"No, I love TV. And I don't mind the job itself, either. I just don't like the producers I work for."
"Why not?"
She shrugged. "They delete everything I write and just rewrite it. There's absolutely no purpose in my being there."
"Sure there is." She replied with a raised eyebrow. "To get paid."
She smiled. "I'd like to think my work was accomplishing something in the mean time." She looked away. "I don't suppose that makes any sense to you."
That was another dig. I glanced at her and saw her hugging her knees to her chest, staring at the shower a few feet away. The look on her face screamed sadness, and I found myself surprised. Even I couldn't miss it. "Something wrong?" I asked.
She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the ground. A flash of lightning lit up the tunnel like a strobe light. I was not the sentimental type, nor was I particularly curious. I left that to Mike and Donny, respectively. I didn't really care what her issue was. But I was stubborn, and I didn't like being lied to. "Hey, if you're leaving in the morning, what difference does it really make if you tell me?" I challenged.
She smiled faintly. "You have a point there."
"Yeah, every so often, I do make sense."
She dropped her knees and leaned back, hugging her arms over her chest. "You're somethin' else, Raph, you know that?"
I glanced at her, not quite sure how to take that. She looked back and sighed deeply. "I just... I don't know. I actually kind of like it here. But I know I can't stay."
"Why not?"
She laughed. "That an invitation? From you?"
"No, it's a question."
"I don't belong here, for one. And for another thing, I know I'm not totally welcome."
I tensed. The way she said it was more of an accusation than anything else. "I never said you weren't welcome, Kat."
"Not to my face, no."
I studied her carefully. "What do you mean by that?"
She laughed under her breath. "I don't get you, Raphael. I mean, your brothers... I get your brothers. I can figure them out. But I can't..."
"Psychoanalyze me?" I offered, cutting her off. Her voice was accusatory, and I matched her tone.
"You really think I'm that stupid, Raph?" she snapped. "You think I don't know how you feel about my being here?"
I sighed, getting irritated. "Frankly, Katarina, I don't care what you think you know about me or what I feel."
"What I think I know?" she challenged angrily. "You've hated me from the very beginning. You and I both know that; there's no thinking necessary."
"I don't hate you," I defended.
"Really?" she snapped. "What do you call it?"
"I don't trust you," I pointed at her. "Doesn't mean I hate you."
"Why?" she demanded. "What have I done to betray your trust?"
"You never had it to begin with," I informed her.
"Why?"
I felt anger well up inside of me. None of her business... "I don't trust people," I shot at her. "And if that's so hard for you to figure out, maybe you are as stupid as I think you are."
She sprang to her feet and spun to face me. "You're a jackass, you know that?"
I smiled wickedly. "Yes."
Without another word, she spun on her heel and stormed off. I watched her go and the smile fell from my face. I sighed and hid my face in my hands. How the hell had that happened? This wasn't how I had meant for this conversation to end. Did she start that, or did I? I leaned my head back against the wall behind me, feeling the water pound on my legs. A moment later, I stood and walked underneath the cool shower.
I felt... God, I didn't know what I felt. I knew myself well enough to figure out what was happening to me, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I hadn't been laid in five months. That was a new record for me. But Katarina... Kat was not an option.
Why?
Good question. I don't trust her.
So? What difference does that make, really?
It made every difference. A year ago, it mattered about as much as the color of her eyes. Today, it was everything. But I'd been down that road too many times. I'd been hurt too many times. So I'd made a decision. It would be one way or the other for me. No more of this, "I love you, but I don't trust you and I know we won't be together long." There would be no attachment, no love at all, just pure sexual attraction. Or there would be real love. And the latter would take time. The next time I fell in love, it would be forever.
Unfortunately, neither opportunity had presented itself in the last five months.
I wasn't stupid. I was impulsive, but I knew what danger was. I knew it wasn't safe for a lot of people to know we existed, much less how and where. A girl had to be good and drunk before I'd go for a one night stand. She'd better not remember much in the morning. Or, if she did, she could at least blame it on her drunkenness. It had worked, a few times, but not recently. God, so long...
KIARA:
I watched him from the safety of the shadows. Pitiful, that he wouldn't take the time to make sure he was alone. It wouldn't take much. I knew full well I couldn't hide my presence from a true ninja if he really wanted to find me. All I could do was retreat quickly if I felt him looking. But he didn't bother to look. Arrogant. He thought he was untouchable.
I was somewhat amused by the scene before me. He did have a weakness, though his had been the hardest to determine. Leonardo wanted to be in control; I'd known that long ago. He took more responsibility on himself than he should, and beat himself down with his brother's mistakes as well as his own. His biggest concern: Raphael, who seemed determined to defy him, and make mistake after mistake.
Michaelangelo was not hard to figure out, either. Social and remarkably insecure, he was easily influenced by people. That had been evident to me long ago, when he'd played to the crowd at a dance club after one of my father's failed attempts to kill them. It was reinforced by the way he'd danced and gotten drunk with his brother and a girl he hardly knew. He played roles, depending on who he was with, and tried to please everyone.
Donatello was alone against the world. That was a big mistake. A person could only be so strong on their own. Donatello spent his time locked up, hidden from the world. He didn't talk, didn't socialize. I recalled the night at the club. He hadn't always been like that. Something had changed him. Perhaps the death of their sensei, which they only spoke about in hushed tones.
The initial thought I'd had concerning Raphael was his "quick to act, slow to think" method. And yes, that could be exploited. But watching him had proved me wrong in the assumption that he was weak because of his irrational actions. He wasn't really as blind to danger as he seemed. I had not yet seen him truly let down his guard... until now. Yes, he acted out of anger, and he truly was furious at the world. But his anger was, in fact, what motivated him. As long as he felt it, he would never surrender.
He was the threat.
He would fight to the death, take on an opponent he knew he couldn't beat. And I had known that for quite some time, too. He had single-handedly taken on dozens of foot soldiers atop the roof of a friend's apartment, years ago. I'd seen that fight, from a distance. They'd nearly killed him, but he didn't stop fighting. He never stopped. And the anger had kept him alive. He couldn't rest knowing that he had died at the hands of his enemy. But to take away that anger that he relied so heavily on, he would be defenseles. As he was now.
He was desperate. In the safety of what he felt was solitude, the anger faded and turned to desperation. He was searching for that which he could not find. What? I guessed it was love. Why, Raphael? I whispered silently as he leaned his head back and let the rain pelt his face. Surely you can take care of yourself...
He bowed his head. I expected a burst of anger and frustration, but nothing came. Instead, he turned and walked away, in the opposite direction of the lair. I thought of the argument that had ensued. You're a jackass, you know that?
Yes.
And he did.
