MICHAELANGELO:
The racket in the living room woke me up It didn't sound like danger. It sounded more like someone stumbling blindly around the room. I heard a clunk that sounded like it might be painful, and Katarina cursed quietly. I shoved the blankets aside and stumbled toward the door to my room. Kat spun around to face me as I pulled the door open. She had her backpack in her hands and she was dripping wet.
"Woah," I exclaimed, closing the door behind me. "What happened to you?"
She turned away again, searching for something in the folds of the couch. I glanced around the room and saw Raphael's door open. I smiled, knowing exactly what had happened to her. Raphael had happened to her. Frustrated, she straightened and threw the backpack on the couch, resting her hands on her hips.
"Where the hell is my CD player?" she sighed.
I stepped further into the room. "You goin' somewhere?"
"Yes," she told me. "I'm leaving."
I stared at her for a minute. "Leaving as in leaving or leaving as in going away for a few hours?"
She stopped, and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm not coming back."
"Why?" I questioned, somewhat shocked.
"Because I've had enough," she mumbled under her breath, rummaging through the cushions. Her voice was tired.
"He really piss you off that bad?"
She looked up at me, a confused look on her face. "What makes you think it has anything to do with Raph?"
I smiled. "What makes you think I was referring to Raph?"
She realized what she had said and stared at me for a minute before flopping down on the couch and burying her face in hands. I walked up behind her. "Hey, we've all been there," I comforted. "Raph just has a way of making people... frustrated."
I leaned over the back of the couch and rested my hand on her shoulder. Her muscles were knotted over each other. I'd never felt anyone so tense in my life. I grabbed both of her shoulders. "Sit back," I guided her, pulling her toward me.
"No," she protested, but she didn't resist.
I brushed her hair off her shoulders and kneaded at the muscles in her shoulder, running my thumbs along the back of her neck and probing gently at sensitive pressure points. She moaned softly and leaned into my touch. "Damn, Mikey," she breathed.
I smiled. "Feel good?"
She moaned again in reply. I knew every pressure point in the human body. They were powerful weapons if they were used right. You could render a person unconscious or dead (or in so much pain they wished they were) with an effortless, well-aimed touch. But used another way, they could be incredibly relaxing.
She bent her head forward and I slipped my hands under the collar of her shirt to massage her cool, damp skin. It wasn't a sexual thing. At least, it wasn't supposed to be, and she didn't react to it. But I was still aware of how it would look if Donny or Leo were to walk out right about now. I glanced at the clock. It was after four in the morning. I figured we were probably pretty safe. I traced the line of her collarbone, digging into the tensed muscles.
"You know you're crazy, right?" I finally asked.
"Huh?" she mumbled.
"Whatever you're waiting for, it's not gonna happen."
"That's why I'm leaving," she sighed. I could tell by the way she said it that she was just trying to shut me up.
"You're not leaving," I told her. It wasn't a threat; it was a simple fact that for whatever reason, she hadn't realized yet.
"Watch me."
"You'll be back, Kat. You're too interested in him to not come back. I just can't figure out why."
She was quiet for a minute as she finally started to consider my words. "Who?" she finally asked. "Leo?"
I laughed. "Yeah, right," I answered sarcastically. "Leo."
She hesitated. "Raph?"
I smiled. "It's the way you look at him, Kat," I explained. "You've got that whole subtle seduction thing going on."
"I am not trying to seduce him!" she cried.
"Well, whether you realize it or not, you're very good at it."
She turned and looked at me. "What do you mean?" she asked, a concerned look lining her features.
I shrugged. "Well... maybe seduction wasn't really the right word. But it's pretty obvious that you flirt with him a lot. Just in a strange sort of hybrid way..."
She turned away again and I continued to rub her shoulders and neck. "I don't mean to, really."
Really. That word meant a lot. She didn't want to lie, so she threw in the word "really". I wondered if I was supposed to catch it, and figured I probably wasn't. "Yeah, well, you're subtle enough to do it without pissing him off. I give you credit for that."
There was another long silence. I moved her dark hair aside and brushed my fingers lightly over her skin. "Why do you insist on having him?" I repeated.
"I don't want to have him," she mumbled.
"No, I guess you must not," I corrected. "'Cause if that's all you wanted, you could've gotten it a long time ago."
"What?" she laughed.
I shrugged. "He's easy," I informed her. "Or at least he was. I dunno. He's never been real public about his relationships, but I don't think he's gone out with anyone since Splinter died." I considered that for a minute. "No, actually, it was a while before that. Couple months."
"Splinter?"
"Our sensei. Father, really."
She nodded slowly. "What was her name?" she asked after a long silence. "Do you know?"
"Nah, he never told anyone anything about his girlfriends. It was like twenty questions just getting him to admit there was someone. He's taught me a lot about prying information out of people."
She laughed quietly. "Why do you bother?" she asked. "Not like any of you can stop him."
"I know," I smiled. "Leo sure does try though. And I guess I can see why. I mean, he puts us all in danger going out there like he does. The more people who know about us, the more potential for problems. But you can't talk sense to him when he gets like that."
She was silent. "What about you?" I prodded.
"What about me?"
"You still haven't answered my question."
"What question?"
"Why are you so interested in him?"
She sighed. "I don't know, Mike. I guess I just..." She searched for words. "He intrigues me."
"From a psychological standpoint?" I questioned.
"Yes."
"And that's all?"
She hesitated. "No, not exactly." She paused. "Well, yeah... sort of."
I laughed. "Make up your mind, babe!"
She moaned quietly as I dug my thumbs into the base of her neck and massaged the top of her chest with my two fingers. "It's just that..." she started after a moment of hesitation. "Well, he's so... alone. He feels alone, anyway, whether or not he really is. And yeah, I'm curious about the big secret he feels he has. But... I don't know..." There was a minute of silence. "You know, some women are attracted to married men because they know they can't have them. I guess I'm just attracted to things I don't understand, because I know I'll never really understand them."
"Things," I repeated.
"People," she corrected. "Like Raphael."
She pulled away and turned to face me. "It's like he's been forced into a place in life that he doesn't belong in," she observed.
I leaned forward on the back of the couch and considered her words. "Well, I don't think any of us really chose this life," I finally told her.
"Yeah, but the three of you found a way to cope. Somehow. But he hasn't. So he's angry at the world that betrayed him."
I nodded slowly. "That's deep, Kat," I mumbled. "But I don't think he's going to hear it."
She lay back on the couch, bending her knee and resting her other ankle on it. "I know," she mumbled. "And I guess if he did, he wouldn't be unattainable anymore, would he?"
She smiled up at me and I grinned back. "And then you wouldn't want him anymore," I finished.
She glanced away and the smile slowly faded. "You know, I knew he was following me tonight," she sighed. "And I guess I just thought that maybe if I could get him to talk..." She stopped and sighed. "But instead we ended up screaming at each other."
"I'd tell you not to get your hopes up, Kat," I mumbled, "but I get the feeling you're just as stubborn as he is. And that being the case, you're not going to listen to me when I tell you to leave him alone. So the only thing I can tell you is that you're just going to have to prove you're more determined to love him than he is to hate you."
She glanced up at me. "Isn't that somewhat like Leo's philosophy? Fight with him to the death?"
I smiled. "Leo and Raph are a totally different story. You can't do to Raph what Leo does to him."
"Do what to him?" she questioned.
"Piss him off like that."
She sighed and looked away. "He sure seemed pissed tonight."
"Doubt it. He was probably just being Raph."
She smiled. After a moment of silence, she looked back at me. "Why not?"
"Why not what?"
"Why can't I do what Leo does?"
"Because," I answered simply. "Their whole issue is that Raph has a problem with authority. Leo has the authority and it drives Raph crazy. But you have no authority. In your case, he feels he has the upper hand."
She nodded slowly and I heard a sound from near the exit. I exchanged glances with Kat and disappeared without a word.
KATARINA:
I saw his shadow move against the darkness and I knew he saw me. He sighed deeply as he approached. "You don't have to leave," he informed me. "Okay? Just... don't leave because of me."
I studied him carefully for a moment before I looked away. "I just wish I understood why you hate me," I mumbled, not wanting to fight with him again.
He sighed, oviously frustrated. "I don't hate you, okay? I don't."
"You just don't trust me," I finished for him.
He leaned on the back of the couch. "No. I don't trust you."
"Why?"
He didn't answer. I didn't really expect him to. I sighed and turned away. "I guess it's just hard for me to see the difference between hate and distrust," I mumbled. "They mean about the same thing to me. Kind of like honor and duty."
"Honor and duty are two different things, too," he whispered, looking away.
"I've heard that said. But I really don't believe it. Anything you have a duty to do, it's dishonorable not to do it."
He considered my words. "Yes," he finally agreed. "But honor is more than that. Honor is a way of living."
"A way you embrace?"
He clenched his jaw, as if I'd just struck him. "Yes," he finally replied. His tone made me question the honesty of his answer. But it was not my place to bring his honor to question.
He opened his eyes and stared at me. "Look, Kat, Leo doesn't think it's safe for you to leave and... I think he might be right. So until we can figure out what to do next, I want you to stay here. So let's call a truce and be done with this, okay?"
I studied him carefully. He was sincere. Finally, I nodded and held out my hand. "Truce," I agreed.
We shook hands. He vanished into the darkness. I sank into the couch and fell asleep almost immediately.
KIARA:
My father was not the most patient person ever to have walked the planet. "{You have had more time,}" he reminded me, following me through my living room. "{Now you will tell me your plan.}"
I breathed deep. My plan. What was my plan? "{Their loyalties to each other are fragile,}" I reported, turning to him. "{Their relationships are shaky. If tragedy were to hit, it would either break them... or strengthen them immeasurably. It must be well planned.}"
"{What kind of tragedy did you have in mind?}" he asked.
He was pressing for an exact date and time. And I still wasn't entirely sure what my course of action was. "{I am learning, Father. But I cannot give you a definite time.}"
He nodded slowly, carefully inspecting me. "{I am beginning to think that you are choosing to tell me nothing because you do not want this investigation to come to a close.}"
The accusation flooded anger through me. How could he say that? He had no idea... "{You sent me to carry out a mission I have not yet completed,}" I struggled. "{I will complete it. And successfully. But I will err on the side of caution.}"
He studied me carefully. "{There is no room for error.}"
I breathed deep, struggling to get my fury back under control. "{Father, if you do not entrust me with this assignment, why did you ever hand it to me?}"
There was no response. I swallowed hard, surprised by my own boldness. "{I believe we should separate them,}" I continued. "{Emotionally as well as physically. And I believe I can use their relationship with Katarina to do that.}"
"Katarina?" he challenged.
"{But I have to be careful,}" I continued, ignoring him. "{I cannot be discovered in the process. So if you want me to do that, you're going to have to give me some time to do it. Allow me time to determine an exact course of action, and I will not fail you.}"
I felt like I was signing my own death warrant. If I did not succeed, after all of this, I would never be allowed to forget it. He glared at me for a moment, then turned and vanished. I felt tears sting my eyes and I turned and hit the wooden frame around the entrance to the kitchen. Damn him! For years, he had patronized me, and now it was as if I were suddenly an adult. He wanted out of me what he had never taken the time to instill. He wanted me to succeed, for his sake, when he had beat me down for years.
I clenched my teeth in anger as I realized how helpless I was. He had me right where he wanted me. If I failed, he would have been right all those years, when he beat it into my head that I was worthless... because I was not born his son.
RAPHAEL:
"It's cold in here," Kat complained.
I glanced across the couch and saw her curled into a ball under the blanket that we normally had draped over the back of the sofa. Half laying and propped against the opposite arm of the couch, I considered her words. It was kind of chilly in here. "I can't believe it's come to this..." the man on the TV wailed.
I glanced at the screen and back at Kat. She shivered. "Come here," I invited.
She turned and looked at me, a surprised look on her face. I held my arm out to her, but said nothing. "Why?" she asked, distrustful.
I glared at her for a second. "Hey, I'm trying to be nice, okay?"
She studied me. Frustrated at the failed attempt, I dropped my arm and turned back to the TV} Fine. Forget that. She wasn't breakin' my heart. "Don't be afraid..." the TV sobbed. "I'll be back." This was the most pathetic movie I'd ever seen in my life. I was about done with being nice.
Suddenly, I felt her move. Slowly, hesitantly, she crawled into my lap, pulling the blanket over us. It took me a minute to react. She laid her head on my chest, her dark hair falling onto my arm. I felt her chest rise and fall as she breathed deep, her warm body pressing to mine. Okay... This wasn't so bad.
I buried my fingers in her hair and closed my eyes, forgetting about the movie. I hoped she knew this wasn't an advancement. I wsn't making a move on her. She didn't fit into either category that made that allowable, and I didn't want her to. The truth was, nine times out of ten, she frustrated the hell out of me. A relationship would only complicate things. And she didn't seem like she was trying to turn me on. But that didn't mean I wasn't aware of how good it felt to have her body pressed up against me.
I leaned my head on the back of the couch and ran my fingers through her hair. It felt like silk. She snuggled closer to me, trying to get comfortable, and I reached my other arm around her, holding her to me. The noise from the TV droned on as she looked up. Her eyes betrayed her nervousness. I heard the question without her ever speaking it and shook my head slightly. She smiled, reassured of my motive, and laid her head on my chest again. The warmth radiated from her body and I felt the myself relax. It actually felt kind of good to be close to someone, even if nothing could ever come of it.
MADONNA:
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
I hung my head. Suddenly, I understood Leonardo's words. Not ashamed, and yet I couldn't admit the truth. "A freak." And I could say nothing in Leo's defense. "You shame me!" he insulted. "You disgrace your father's name with your uncontrollable emotions!"
Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't fight the truth. But it hurt. It hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt before. "How long have you been with him, you slut?"
I didn't answer him. A jolt of pain struck me as the back of his hand crossed my face. I turned away and raised my fingers to my burning cheek, hiding behind my hair. He waited for an answer, and upon getting none, continued to shoot angry accusations. I cowered. I felt the pain as he vented his anger at the world on me. Finally, he spun and walked away.
That was when the tears finally overflowed, streaming silently down my stinging cheeks. My body hurt as I picked myself up off the floor and walked across the room. I crawled into the cold bed that had been made for me, and felt tears stream silently down my face as I stared up at the ceiling. What was I doing?
The devil's advocate, and a traitor to everyone who trusted me, I felt worthless. My love affair with Leonardo was no longer a secret. I saw it happening, and had known it was going to happen from the beginning, but I could do nothing to prepare. I didn't know how I'd been found out. I didn't care. All I cared about now was the fact that my time with him had been cut so short. I knew I would probably never be with him again. Would I even see him again, except in the heat of a pointless battle?
The words rang in my ears. You disgrace your father's name with your uncontrollable emotions! I had been able to say nothing, the realization of the truth branding me. I took the emotional beating without protest. And he had no mercy on me. I couldn't control my emotions toward Leo. I was the stupid, pitiful woman that I had always been accused of being.
But what difference did it really make, if I was in love with him? Love meant nothing. I would still fulfill my duty, even if I hated it. My passion for Leonardo had not yet affected me. If I had thought it was going to, I would've refused to come here in the first place.
Why had I ever allowed this to get so complicated? I wanted to be happy, to rest in Leo's arms from now until the end of time. But I knew that was impossible. Past decisions came back to haunt me. Decisions? I questioned myself. When the hell did you decide to destroy all hope of peace in your life?
From the moment I was born, my fate was determined. I turned my face into the pillow. Forbidden to see Leonardo again, by my father's command, and my fate's sadistic whim. I wept, sobs wracking my body.
LEONARDO:
"I just need to know one thing," she whispers.
"Anything," I answer truthfully.
"This isn't just a reaction, is it? To Splinter?"
I stare at her for a moment, considering the thought. "No," I answer truthfully. "No, I don't think so."
"Why? How do you know?"
I think carefully about my answer. "Because if it was, I would feel guilty."
She takes a step toward me, pressing close again. "And you don't feel guilty?" she asks.
"No."
Desire overwhelms me, and I feel my hands circle her waist again. "How do you feel?" she questions.
"At peace," I answer, feeling her press hard against me. She kisses my neck lightly and I feel my body react. What is she doing to me? And does she even realize she's doing it?
She brushes her lips against mine, lightly. "Then why are you sorry?"
***
The ringing phone interrupted the dream. It kept ringing, over and over, and I finally slid out of bed. I must be the only one here. What time was it? I glanced at the clock as I stumbled into the living room and found the phone. It was six thirty in the morning. Everyone was asleep! Who the hell was calling at this hour? I had figured it was at least nine.
I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I asked into the receiver.
"Leo?"
Madonna! I recognized her voice immediately, and checked to make sure I was alone in the dark room. "Hey," I practically whispered. "Where are you? Are you back in town?"
She laughed quietly. I suddenly noticed the sad tone in her voice. "No, I'm still... away."
"Are you okay?" I asked. "You sound upset."
She was silent. "Madonna?"
"I'm okay," she whispered.
"No you're not," I corrected her. "What's the matter?"
"I just... I don't know. There's just a lot going on. A lot to deal with."
"Tell me," I urged, hearing the concern in my own voice.
"No," she sighed. "No, I... God, Leo, I don't know what to do!"
I gripped the phone as she cried, her words nearly incoherent. "I love you, Leo. You have to know that. You know that right?"
"Yes," I assured her. "I know."
"And I just... my father... it's fate, Leo. Damned fate."
"What's fate?" I asked.
"Everything is. Do you believe in fate?" She didn't give me a chance to answer her. "I don't know why it has to be this way, but for whatever sadistic... thrill they want..."
She wasn't making much sense. I was worried about her. She sounded desperate. No wonder why she had avoided conversation about her family, if being around them made her like this. "I'm sorry," I tried to comfort her.
"It's okay. I just... I don't know why I called."
I leaned back against the wall. "I love you, Madonna," I whispered.
I heard her catch her breath and she began to cry again. What on earth had happened to her? God, I wished she would tell me. "It's okay," I breathed, trying to drown her pain.
"I know," she sniffed. "I just... I don't know. I shouldn't have called you."
The conclusive tone told me she was going to hang up. I tensed. "No, wait!" I stopped her. "Don't hang up."
"Why?" she choked. Her voice held a tinge of something else, now. Anger?
"Talk to me, Madonna," I pleaded.
"I can't."
Silence. Her quiet sobs were the only sound between us. I sighed, wishing I could hold her. "I'm sorry, Madonna."
"For what?" she choked.
"Whatever it is that's making you sad."
She half-laughed. "Forget it," she tried to assure me, getting her voice under control. I decided to change the subject. There was nothing I could do for her when she was a thousand miles away and refusing to talk.
"I can't wait to see you again," I whispered. "I miss you so much."
"What?" she laughed. "This from the man who disappears into thin air for days at a time without giving me any idea of when I might see him next?"
I cringed. "I know, I know," I defended, smiling. "But that's different."
She sniffled again, and that was the last I heard of her tears. "How is it?"
"Well, because I know I can see you at any time."
"Heh heh," she chuckled softly. "Well, now you know how I feel. Because I can never come see you at any time."
"I'm sorry," I breathed, closing my eyes and picturing her.
"I forgive you."
"I know."
There was a moment of silence. I listened to her breathing. "How's Kat?" she asked. "Have you talked to her at all?"
I glanced over at the closed bedroom door where Katarina was asleep. "Yeah," I hesitated. "You could say that."
"She okay?"
"Just fine."
I decided I didn't want to go into specifics on the phone. I heard a knock on the door on her end of the line. "Oh, I have to go," she whispered.
"When will I see you?" I asked.
"I don't know. I love you!"
She hung up without giving me a chance to say good-bye. I stared at the phone for a moment before resting it back on the hook. I didn't hear from her again for another five, agonizing days.
