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Chapter 9: The Aftermath (Char)

Galvatron's throne room, Char…

Smoke is billowing all over the place. After a few seconds of silence Galvatron and Bludgeon rise out of the smoke, slightly dazed but otherwise unharmed.

Galavtron: What happened?!?

Bludgeon opened his mouth to speak when a third figure rises from the seemingly never-ending smoke. It's Ratchet!

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAA! Finally, I can have my revenge!

At the sound of his voice Ratchet turns around and stumbles towards him. His skin has taken on a dirty white/gray color and his eyes are dead. Open wounds pulsate stagnant energon. Moaning, he stretches his arms out toward Galvatron. He has become a zombie!

Zombie Ratchet: BRAAAAAAIIIINNSSSSSSSS!

Galvatron: Ah yes, finally Ratchet, you shall pay for the numerous sleepless nights, the huge psychiatric bills and my irrational fear of penguins! DIIIIIIEEEEE!

Galvatron fires a blast from his fusion cannon at Zombie Ratchet. It hits him square in the chest and opens up a massive wound but the medic actually accelerates towards Galvatron. Annoyed, he is about to fire off another blast when Bludgeon jumps in front of him, sword raised.

Bludgeon: Fear not my liege! For this walking abomination shall taste the full fury of Metalikato from –

Zombie Ratchet smacks Bludgeon with the back of his hand, sending the Pretender into the far wall.

Zombie Ratchet: BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNSSSSSS!

Zombie Ratchet leaps at Galvatron and is about to take a big juicy bite of his head when he suddenly realizes that there's no brain in there. Disgusted, Zombie Ratchet picks Galvatron up and tosses him onto Bludgeon before running away, all the while moaning "BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNSSSS!"

Bludgeon (wincing from the look Galvatron is giving him): Ummm…whoops?

*****

A few seconds later…

Bludgeon is suspended upside down over a pit full of vampiric kiwis as Octopunch, Stranglehold and a familiar white and blue female Decepticon stand by the rope holding him. The hungry kiwis make the noise they usually make when they see their next meal.

Vampiric Kiwis: HUNGRY VAMPIRIC KIWI NOISE! HUNGRY VAMPIRIC KIWI NOISE!

Bludgeon: OH COME ON! Don't you think that this is a little extreme?!?

Stranglehold: Nope.

Octopunch: Nuh-uh.

Albedo: Not at all.

Albedo cuts the rope holding Bludgeon up, causing him to fall into the pit. Many chewing and gulping noises can be heard.

Octopunch (taping the whole thing): Thanks for the kiwis Albe.

Albedo: No problem. They needed a good feed anyway :)

*****

Cyclonus' Closet…

Cyclonus is trying to clear his vision when he sees Elise walk towards him. He smiles as he sees that whatever the blue light was it didn't affect her in any way. His smile fades when Elise opens her mouth and speaks. It's not the sultry Canadian purr he was expecting; in fact the voice wasn't even female. The voice that came of her mouth was that of…

Quickstrike: Tarnation, stranger! What's goin' on in these here parts? Tell me or I'LL KICK YER KEISTER!

Cyclonus: O_O

*****

Decepticon HQ, Meeting Hall…

Galvatron: My fellow Decepticons! I'm afraid we have an Autobot intruder in our midst!

Decepticons:

Battletrap: …And?

Galvatron: What do you mean 'and'?!? Doesn't that news by itself stir up your warrior spirit?

Skalor: Not really, no.

Galvatron: Well, how about if I told you that the intruder was RATCHET and that he was he was DEAD! (beat) HA! I see that the very news make you goggle eyed with fear!

Cut back to the assembled Decepticons who are indeed goggle eyed with fear, but not at Galvatron's words. Albedo points at the huge video wall behind Galvatron.

Albedo: My leader! LOOK!

Confused, Galvatron turns around to see a film of him in the bath playing with his rubber froggie Wheezy.

Galvatron (video): Someone's in the bath with Wheezy!

                                   Someone's in the bath I know-ho-ho!   

                                   Someone's in the bath with Wheezy…

Galvatron starts to go shocking pink with rage. Cut to the projection room to see Zombie Ratchet feeding this particular film in.

Zombie Ratchet: Hee hee hee!

Cut back to the meeting hall. After a few more seconds of singing Galvatron gets out of the bath and remember folks, he's not wearing a codpiece. Worse still, the camera goes in for an EXTREME close-up. The Decepticons screech in sheer terror.

Divebomb (covering his eyes): MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!

Galvatron (aims his fusion cannon at the projection room): BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

He fires a massive blast at the room, destroying it and blasting Zombie Ratchet out of the building. Taking a few seconds to compose himself he continued his briefing to his traumatized troops.

Galvatron: Anyway, this little incident came about after a small accident with a resurrection spell, causing that blue mystical light you all saw.

Cyclonus (angry): You mean the mystic blue light that switched the spark of my beloved with that of an insane Predacon who seems to think that he's from Texas? YOU MEAN THAT ONE?!?!

Galvatron: Yes, I do. Fear not, my semi-loyal warriors for I have procured a training program for dealing with zombie attacks.

Galvatron produces a DVD from subspace and slots into the player/TV beside him. A few seconds the title of the 'training program' comes up and the Decepticons get the familiar sinking feeling that had become so frequent since Megatron had been reformatted into Galvatron. The program was really a Z grade 1970s zombie movie by the name of "Groovy Motown Boy Meets the Funky Freak-Out Zombies". Using the DVD remote Galvatron brought up a scene from the movie.

Galvatron: Our battle plan shall be thus: All of you shall don a long blonde wig, a green super-tight turtle neck sweater and jeans nine sizes too small. According to the program this is the appropriate apparel for hunting zombies.

The 'Cons remain speechless as small airborne drones hand out small bags. Inside the bags are the items previously described and, for the males, a giant pair of fake breasts.

Holo-Shockwave: Do we really have to wear this?

Galvatron: Yes.

Holo-Shockwave: Even me?

Galvatron: ESPECIALLY you!

Holo-Shockwave: O_O

Galvatron plays another scene from the film, which consists of one of the female characters (dressed as described) walking backwards into a dark room by herself without a weapon.

Galvatron: Judging by how often the instructors do this, I have decided that our battle plan will be to walk around the base backwards while all the lights are out unarmed. Any questions?

Cut back to the Decepticons, too stunned to speak.

Galvatron: Excellent. Triggerhappy, you shall stay with me until this whole mess is sorted out…

Triggerhappy: *GULP!*

Galvatron: …and the honor of guarding us shall go to…(waves his finger around randomly before resting on Rack 'n' Ruin)…YOU!

Rack 'n' Ruin: Oh…joy.

*****

A few minutes later…

We can see Mindwipe in the female get up wandering around in the dark backwards. The tightness of the clothes makes him walk like John Wayne with arthritis.

Mindwipe: Slag it! This is ridiculous. How the hell am I…

Suddenly he bumps into someone that he can't see. Frightened, he slowly turned around and flashed his flashlight into the face of…

Zombie Ratchet: Hi!

Mindwipe: AIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The scene fades to black momentarily as various crunching and slurping noises can be heard. When we come back Mindwipe is on the ground with a hole in his head and Zombie Ratchet wiping energon from his lips.

Zombie Ratchet: YUM YUM! Mindwipe's brains tastes like roast beef and Yorkshire pudding and Bubblicous chewing gum! I think I'll live on brains forever! They're yummy so they are!

Zombie Ratchet staggers off. A few seconds later Mindwipe rises.

Zombie Mindwipe: BRAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNSSSSSSSS!

*****

Meanwhile, in another part of the base…

Cyclonus (in the costume): To the Pit with this.

He turns around to discover a figure walking towards him. He reached down for his weapon and cursed when he realized that he didn't have it with him. As the figure came closer Cyclonus could make out more and more features. His eyes widened as he suddenly knew who it was.

Cyclonus: No…NO! It…it can't be!

The figure stops right in front of Cyclonus and gives him an odd look.

Cyclonus: BOMBSHELL! But…but I'M Bombshell!

Bombshell (backing away a step): Suuurre you are…

To be continued…

Next chapter:

Swoop: Me Swoop feel guilt chip overload!

Faye: Oh, that? You know with the right adjustments you can get that down to a pleasant tingle…(smiles widely)…aw yeah, there it is…

Swoop: O_O