Starting things off, Albedo's review…
*Cut to Decepticon HQ where Galvatron can be seen sitting on his throne as Triggerhappy looks worried at him.
Triggerhappy_…ehr…mighty Galvatron…why have I been summoned here?
Galvatron_ Why?? Don't you remember, Triggerhappy?? Don't you have any respect for Junior??
The camera closes into 'The Egg'. Triggerhappy raises one eyebrow, looking around and wondering what he did to deserve this, placing his face in his hands.
Galvatron_ You see??? It can be born at any moment!!
He points to 'the egg'. Some seconds of silence follow. He placed a thoughtful chin in his hand, then points again. Despite the suspense-like music that this time plays in the background, still nothing happens.
Galvatron_ ARE YOU DEAF??? I SAID YOU COULD BE BORN AT ANY MOMENT!!
Triggerhappy shakes his head, as Galavtron begun to hit 'the egg' against the aforementioned 'con's head.
Galvatron_ NOW YOU'LL HAVE TO BE BORN, YOU *#@$*@% EGG!!! IWANT YOU TO BE BORN SO I CAN FORCE ALL MY TROOPS TO GIVE ME A GIFT FOR MOTHER'S DAY!! BWWWWWWWAAAAAAAA!!!
Rack 'n' Ruin, outside Galvatron's throne chamber, only heard the shouting from inside, happy for not being there. Out of nothing Albedo shows up, poking him.
Al_ Did you see my vampiric kiwis?
Rack 'n' Ruin_ WHAT?? AREN'T THEY ON THE PIT ANYMORE?
Al_ Ehr…no. Megakiwi sweared they were going to use the restroom, but it had been half an hour ago…now I'm looking for them. If you see any, tell them I'm waiting at the pit. OK?
She left. Rack 'n' Ruin looked around, worried, when he felt a light poking at his left leg. Looking down, he saw one lonely tiny kiwi. He stepped on it, making a buzzing noise before it ploc-ed to death.
Rack 'n' Ruin_ Hehehehe…
In a sudden, hundreds of hungry kiwis jumped from the ceiling onto Rack 'n' Ruin, that begun to be chewed and finally eliminated. Megakiwi, commanding the attack, cackled for himself, followed by his troops…
And now, the story continues…nonsensically.
Chapter 10: There's a plot in here somewhere…
Charr…
We're in a large meeting hall. Sitting in a row in front of a large stage are the Triggercons (Ruckus, Windsweeper and the rebuilt Crankcase), the Seacons (Snaptrap, Nautilator, Seawing, Skalor, Tentakil and Overbite) along with Starbug, Crusader and Disaster Area. After a few seconds Albedo walks out onto the stage and approaches a microphone, which is linked to a pair of speakers so large they touch the ceiling.
Albedo: My fellow Decepticons, hear me!
Cut to the gathered Decepticons, all of whom were reeling from the massive wall of sound that had just pummeled them.
Windsweeper: It'll be difficult not to!
Albedo: I called you all here for a specific purpose.
With a flourish Albedo produces a picture of Megakiwi and his cohorts dressed as cowboys and riding hobby horses.
Decepticons: AWWWWWW!
Albedo: Eh? (looks at the photo) Slag it! I must've left the other photo at home!
Starbug: Can we please get to the point of this meeting?
Albedo: Well, I did have this 400 page speech about kiwi feeding habits and the like but it was all supposed to be kicked off by the photo…aw, to the Pit with it. Long story short, my vampire kiwis have gone missing and you lot are going to help me find them.
At this the Seacons look at each other before merging together to form Piranacon. The gestalt stomps over to Albedo menacingly.
Piranacon: And why should we do that?
Albedo: Because I'll give you all a free cookie.
Piranacon thinks about this for a moment before separating into his six component parts.
Snaptrap: Well, she's got my vote.
The Seacons sit down as Ruckus raises his arm.
Albedo: Yes Ruckus?
Ruckus: These kiwis are dangerous, right?
Albedo: Right.
Ruckus: So there's a good chance we could get horribly scrapped, right?
Albedo: Right.
Ruckus: So who's going to fix us when this inevitably happens?
Albedo: I will!
Ruckus: Oh really? Like the way you 'fixed' Crankcase?
Cut to Crankcase, his faceplate hanging off as he downs another bottle of vintage Cybertronian ener-gin.
Crankcase: FECK! DRINK! ARSE! GIRLS!
Albedo: Crankcase? I didn't fix Crankcase. I left that to Crusader.
Everyone looks at Crusader. The bull/scorpion Fuzor-like Decepticon looks down at a non-existent watch on his wrist.
Crusader: My my my. Is that the time? I really must dash.
Albedo: Stay put you! To help us in our quest to find my kiwis and find a nice Mother's Day gift for Galvatron I've enlisted the help of a specialist in these particular fields.
Seawing: Really? Who?
Albedo gestures to her right where a large Autobot steps out from behind the curtain. All present gasp in astonishment.
Decepticons: LUNARFORMER!!!
*****
Meanwhile, in another part of the base…
Bombshell: Soooo…you're a future version of me?
Cyclonus: Essentially, yes.
Bombshell: Good to see I'm embracing…uh, 'alternate lifestyles'.
Cyclonus: Hmm? Oh! No no no! My commander ordered me to dress like this!
Bombshell: Who the slag's your commander? Starscream?
Starscream (from a great distance): I'M NOT GAY!
At this point Quickstrike (in Elise's body) comes swaggering down towards the duo. Bombshell gets bashful as he sees the Fuzor/femmebot.
Quickstrike: Welllllll, HOWDY!
Bombshell: …WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LOVE?!?
Cyclonus: Well, you see…
Kickback: Kick his ass, Bombshell!
Shrapnel: Yeah, yeah!
Cyclonus stares in bemusement at the Insecticon duo, both of whom had literally sprung up from nowhere.
Cyclonus: Where the Pit did you two come from?
Kickback: Dude, this damn fic stopped making sense after the very first sentence. Us popping out of thin air is the least of your worries.
Cyclonus makes to reply to this, but is stopped by a glove slap to the face. He is stunned to find that the glove is in the hands of Bombshell.
Bombshell: FIEND! You'll pay for this travesty! We shall have a duel at dawn tomorrow at this exact spot!
And with that the Insecticons run off.
Quickstrike: What the slag was that about, pardner?
Cyclonus: I have no idea. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to repeatedly bonk my head against a wall…
*****
Meanwhile…
On a Decepticon transport, Ramjet and Thrust are playing with the possessed Weezing and Arbok. Waspinator talks to Starscream through psychic means (disembodied sparks can do this you know)
Waspinator: Why screamer-bot scream 'I'M NOT GAY!'?
Starscream: I can't deal with that now! We must make our presence known!
To the Coneheads' surprise, the two Pokemon dolls leaped from their arms and started to float in midair. Then they began to speak.
Starscream: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!
Waspinator: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!
Starscream: TO DENOUCNE THE EVILS OF SKIR AND BUDIANSKY!
Waspinator: TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE…um…STARS ABOVESKI!
Starscream leaps out of Weezing.
Starscream: STARSCREAM!
Waspinator does the same from Arbok.
Waspinator: WAZZZZPINATOR!
Starscream: TEAM WACKY BLASTS OFF AT THE SPEED OF LIGHT!
Waspinator: SURRENDER NOW OR PREPARE TO FIGHT!
Flapsnap: Flapsnap! That's right!
As Flapsnap runs off, Starscream possesses Ramjet while Waspinator possesses Thrust.
Waspinator (looking over his new body): What pointy headed bot's name?
Starscream: Thrust.
Waspinator: Thruzzzzzt? Name seems familiar to Wazzzzzpinator.
Starscream: Really? That's almost interesting.
Starscream and Waspinator head to the cockpit. As soon as Dirge sees him he screams in terror and points his arm cannon at him.
Dirge: For the last time, I DON'T want to be serenaded with every song that was ever sung on Pokemon! FOR PRIMUS' SAKE, HAVE MERCY!
Starscream: Chill, dude!
Dirge: What th…Starscream! And some weird bug dude I've never seen before! What do you want?
Starscream: You are to take us to a certain planet.
Dirge: What planet?
Extreme close-up of Starscream, so close in fact that we end up in his right nostril.
Starscream (ominously): Squornshellous Zeta.
Dirge: And if I refuse?
Starscream (to Waspinator): Say, did you hear about how a Level 70 Charizard can easily destroy a Level 50 Dragonite?
Dirge: Squornshellous Zeta it is!
*****
Back on Charr, what's left of Rack 'n' Ruin begin to stir. The Decepticon symbols on their chests has been eaten away to reveal Autobot insignias. After a few seconds Rack (the left head) activates his com system.
Rack: This is Rack, calling Wreckers HQ. Come in Wreckers.
Impactor (over the com): Impactor here. Anything to report?
Rack: The goose has stolen the pie. Send in Mervyn Pumpkinhead and a bottle of ale.
Impactor: …What?
Rack: For the love of Primus, didn't you read the Codebook that Xaaron gave us?
Impactor: We have a Codebook?
Rack: Yeesh. Look, just get yourself and the other Wreckers over here immediately.
Dramatic close-up of Rack.
Rack: The Kiwi Wars have begun!
Ruin: 'The Kiwi Wars'? By Primus that's lame.
Rack: Quiet you!
To be continued…
