Harry Potter Limericks
And Random Poems
Author: Yet again, it's me! Johnny E! Hey it rhymes! Well, what do you expect this is a poem kinda thing! (Pulls tongue)
Title: Harry Potter Limericks And Random Poems
Disclaimer: Why the hell do I have to keep saying this? I've said it numerous times before! Sod you, I'm not doing it again because it makes me sad (Smarmy grin) hehe (Random Lawyers appear) Oh crap…I don't own Harry Potter or any other characters that appear in these little pieces of random weirdness…(remembers sexy people she doesn't own, namely Snape and Lucius and breaks down) It's not fair!!! (Psychologist is bought on and Johnny receives some on the spot counselling) Right, I feel a tad better. Oh and if you've already used this idea and think I stole it from you…well, sod ya because I don't care! You don't own the world!
Authors Note: This is just a result of me having too much spare time, a weird imagination and an obsession with Harry Potter! Well…not literally Harry because I don't really like him that much! Whereas Snape rocks! Yay Snape!
Harry Potter-"The boy who lived sits in his dormy
Finds that's he's getting quite horny
He grabs hold of his d*ck
Yanks it real quick
And thinks about Sybil Trelawney"
(Dormy= Dormitory, I know it's a shit abbreviation but I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed)
Ron Weasley-"Ron has a thing for Miss Granger
Could his fantasy be any stranger?
He wants her down on all fours
To rip off her draws
And ride her like the Lone Ranger"
(Draws= Panties, Underwear, Knickers, Brief, Thong etc!
Lone Ranger= Random cowboy type guy!)
Hermoine Granger-"She seems like an innocent child
A role model, tender and mild
But she drinks bottles of rum
And exposes her bum
'Cos Hermoine Granger is wild!"
(A/N: I have no idea why Hermoine's way quite nice as I don't really like her that much…hmmmmmm…fucking weird!)
Severus Snape-"Severus Snape is really quite sweet
From his gorgeous face to his feet
Sevvie is sacred
I want him naked
'Cos I wouldn't mind eating his meat!"
(A/N: My personal feeling towards the potions master. I know I've probably made a few people vomit but dammit, it was worth it!)
Draco Malfoy-"He hates Harry Potters guts
Inherited sexy struts
He's a smug little git
But off with his kit
And show us that Malfoy butt!"
(Kit= Clothes)
Minerva McGonagall-"Minerva's not one to be risky
But once she's finished her whiskey
She takes off her smalls
And streaks through the Halls
'Cos McGonagall's definitely frisky"
(Smalls= Underwear)
Remus Lupin"Remus's a wolf but he's cute at least
Enjoys a drink and good hearty feast
It doesn't go to his head
But once he's in bed
Lupin's one hell of a beast!"
(Dedicated to Marauder Girl who is the biggest Lupin fan EVER!)
Sirius Black-"One of the Marauder clan
He was framed and so he ran
His life on the run
Can't be much fun
But he's one hell of a sexy man!
Lucius Malfoy:
"Like a dominant lion out on the plain
With a shake of the arse and his long golden main
He's gorgeous and funny
Smarmy with money
Rules the world with his 'sexy' snake cane!"
(Let Lucius and Snape rule the world like the Sex Gods they are!)
Albus Dumbledore-"As Headmaster he was selected
Adored and greatly respected
He eats Rolo's too much
Grabbed Crouch's crutch
But Albus was sexually rejected"
Rubeus Hagrid-"He made a mistake as a kid
But never regrets what he did
With a heart of gold
He likes to be sold
And will strip for the highest bid"
Voldemort-"He is known as the evil Dark Lord
If he isn't killing he's easily bored
But when he saw Lily's breast
His heart pumped in his chest
And Voldie's erection soared"
(I know that's kinda cruel towards Lily but it made me snigger!)
Gilderoy Lockhart-"His smarminess makes me feel sick
His frequently sounds like a prick
He's an annoying git
Who's not the slightest bit fit
Gilderoy Lockhart is just a big dick!"
Sybil Trelawney-"She tries desperately to be a good witch
I wish she would fall down a ditch
She's a huge pile of shit
A first class tit
Sybil Trelawney's a bitch!"
(A/N: As you've probably guessed I bloody hate Sybil Trelawney! She is my most hated character!)
So that's all for now, if you have any requests for characters I haven't done then let me know and I'll gladly do one for them (Friendly grin) Please Review on your way out? Pretty Please? Pretty Please with ice cream and cherries? Ummmmmmmmmmm…ice cream! (Drools)
REVIEW!!
