Harry Potter Limericks

And Random Poems

Author: Yet again, it's me! Johnny E! Hey it rhymes! Well, what do you expect this is a poem kinda thing! (Pulls tongue)

Title: Harry Potter Limericks And Random Poems

Disclaimer: Why the hell do I have to keep saying this? I've said it numerous times before! Sod you, I'm not doing it again because it makes me sad (Smarmy grin) hehe (Random Lawyers appear) Oh crap…I don't own Harry Potter or any other characters that appear in these little pieces of random weirdness…(remembers sexy people she doesn't own, namely Snape and Lucius and breaks down) It's not fair!!! (Psychologist is bought on and Johnny receives some on the spot counselling) Right, I feel a tad better. Oh and if you've already used this idea and think I stole it from you…well, sod ya because I don't care! You don't own the world!

Authors Note: This is just a result of me having too much spare time, a weird imagination and an obsession with Harry Potter! Well…not literally Harry because I don't really like him that much! Whereas Snape rocks! Yay Snape!

Harry Potter-

"The boy who lived sits in his dormy

 Finds that's he's getting quite horny

 He grabs hold of his d*ck

 Yanks it real quick

 And thinks about Sybil Trelawney"

(Dormy= Dormitory, I know it's a shit abbreviation but I couldn't think of anything else that rhymed)

Ron Weasley-

"Ron has a thing for Miss Granger

 Could his fantasy be any stranger?

 He wants her down on all fours

 To rip off her draws

 And ride her like the Lone Ranger"

(Draws= Panties, Underwear, Knickers, Brief, Thong etc!

Lone Ranger= Random cowboy type guy!)

Hermoine Granger-

"She seems like an innocent child

 A role model, tender and mild

 But she drinks bottles of rum

 And exposes her bum

 'Cos Hermoine Granger is wild!"

(A/N: I have no idea why Hermoine's way quite nice as I don't really like her that much…hmmmmmm…fucking weird!)

Severus Snape-

"Severus Snape is really quite sweet

 From his gorgeous face to his feet

 Sevvie is sacred

 I want him naked

 'Cos I wouldn't mind eating his meat!"

(A/N: My personal feeling towards the potions master. I know I've probably made a few people vomit but dammit, it was worth it!)

Draco Malfoy-

"He hates Harry Potters guts

 Inherited sexy struts

 He's a smug little git

 But off with his kit

 And show us that Malfoy butt!"

(Kit= Clothes)

Minerva McGonagall-

"Minerva's not one to be risky

 But once she's finished her whiskey

 She takes off her smalls

 And streaks through the Halls

 'Cos McGonagall's definitely frisky"

(Smalls= Underwear)

Remus Lupin

"Remus's a wolf but he's cute at least

 Enjoys a drink and good hearty feast

 It doesn't go to his head

 But once he's in bed

 Lupin's one hell of a beast!"

(Dedicated to Marauder Girl who is the biggest Lupin fan EVER!)

Sirius Black-

"One of the Marauder clan

 He was framed and so he ran

 His life on the run

 Can't be much fun

 But he's one hell of a sexy man!

Lucius Malfoy:

"Like a dominant lion out on the plain

 With a shake of the arse and his long golden main

 He's gorgeous and funny

 Smarmy with money

 Rules the world with his 'sexy' snake cane!"

(Let Lucius and Snape rule the world like the Sex Gods they are!)

Albus Dumbledore-

"As Headmaster he was selected

 Adored and greatly respected

 He eats Rolo's too much

 Grabbed Crouch's crutch

 But Albus was sexually rejected"

Rubeus Hagrid-

"He made a mistake as a kid

 But never regrets what he did

 With a heart of gold

 He likes to be sold

 And will strip for the highest bid"

Voldemort-

"He is known as the evil Dark Lord

 If he isn't killing he's easily bored

 But when he saw Lily's breast

 His heart pumped in his chest

 And Voldie's erection soared"

(I know that's kinda cruel towards Lily but it made me snigger!)

Gilderoy Lockhart-

"His smarminess makes me feel sick

 His frequently sounds like a prick

 He's an annoying git

 Who's not the slightest bit fit

 Gilderoy Lockhart is just a big dick!"

Sybil Trelawney-

"She tries desperately to be a good witch

  I wish she would fall down a ditch

 She's a huge pile of shit

 A first class tit

 Sybil Trelawney's a bitch!"

(A/N: As you've probably guessed I bloody hate Sybil Trelawney! She is my most hated character!)

So that's all for now, if you have any requests for characters I haven't done then let me know and I'll gladly do one for them (Friendly grin) Please Review on your way out? Pretty Please? Pretty Please with ice cream and cherries? Ummmmmmmmmmm…ice cream! (Drools)

REVIEW!!