Always and Forever

Chapter 2

Today is a sad, sad day…a starbucks went into the mall by us a few months ago and I guess they put the little coffee shop that has always been there since…forever out of business…and they closed today. Me and my friends went their last night for one last time, and all the people who worked in there were all sad and stuff…and there was sad music playing…*sniff*…so many memories…but I'll be alright…just give me time…But on a happy note, guess what? This is the 100th thing I've posted here, exciting, huh? Well, I thought it was. Thanks so much for the reviews. I think this fic was just begging to be written after that episode. And when Phoebe was like "now there's your movie" my thought was seriously "now there's your fanfic" so that review cracked me up. Though the best line had to be "well if I die, you don't get joey…" Oh, and, um, Catnamedzane, um, I'm assuming that you assumed that this was by SFGrl, so you can go ahead and hunt her down and kick her tush, that doesn't bother me any, lol. Or you can just look for me in San Francisco, but you're about half the country off from where I live, so good luck with that ;)

"Are you sure you wanna go?" Phoebe asked, watching as Chandler packed.

"It's not like I really have a choice, Phoebs. It's my job," he sighed, turning to face her. "Besides, I talked to my boss, and it's only for two more months."

"Are you going to be okay?"

Chandler shrugged. "Better now that all those damn holidays are over," he half-smiled at her before looking around. "Seriously, how can someone so small have so much stuff?"

"You don't have to take her, you know. You can leave her with Jack and Judy," Phoebe said softly.

Chandler shook his head, looking at her. "I can do this," he said firmly.

"I'm not doubting you, Chandler. I'm just saying…if you need help, ask, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded.

"Okay," Phoebe smiled, picking up some of Emma's clothes to pack. "And on a completely different note, I slept with Joey."

"What? When?" he turned to face her once again.

Phoebe looked at him for a moment before answering. "Um, the night after Monica's funeral," she said quietly. "And just about every night since that," she finished with a smirk.

"So are you two serious?"

Phoebe shrugged. "I don't know. I mean, we haven't talked about it, really. We've just been…letting it happen."

Chandler smiled half-heartedly. "Yeah, I've been there."

Phoebe touched his arm. "Chandler…"

"I'm fine," he shrugged away from her touch.

"We just care about you."

Chandler sighed. "I know."

"And if you need anything, even just a hug, call and I'll be there in, like," she paused, thinking, "however long a flight from New York to Oklahoma is."

Chandler smiled. "Thanks. I really will be fine, though."

"You know, it's not quite as convincing after about ten million times as it was the first time."

"So it really was convincing the first time?" Chandler looked up.

"Eh, not really. But it's really not convincing after you keep saying it over and over again," she smiled at him, but he didn't smile back, so she leaned in to hug him, and he gladly accepted. "But I was serious. If you need anything then just call."

"I know. Thanks."

"And it'll get easier."

"So I've been told," Chandler said as he pulled away. They both looked over to where the baby monitor was as Emma had woken up and started to make noise. "I should go get her," he motioned toward the doorway, and Phoebe nodded as he started to leave the room.

Chandler paused in the doorway, turning to face her. "You don't just have to be like this to me. I mean, you lost three people who you cared about, too. You lost three of your best friends, too…"

"Yeah, but…"

"But what?"

"Chandler…"

"But what?" he repeated, knowing very well what the answer would be.

"But you lost Monica," she said softly.

"You lost Monica, too."

Phoebe looked at him, knowing very well that he really did understand what she meant. "Chandler…"

"I know," he said quietly, looking down. He took a deep breath. "And I know that I started this conversation, but I really don't feel like crying anymore right now, so," he paused, looking up at her before turning to go get Emma.

~*~

"C'mon, Emma, I have to get up in two hours," Chandler tried to get her to stop crying. They'd been in Tulsa for about a week, and she hadn't woken up crying until that night. He also knew that she had long been past the stage where she'd cry all night, though she had cried for the first few days after Ross and Rachel had died, wanting her parents. But over the past few weeks if she did cry, she'd usually stop when he picked her up. But tonight she was being stubborn.

"What's wrong, huh?" he asked, and then noticed that her cheeks were flushed. He felt her forehead. "Shit," he said, immediately realizing that she had a fever.

Chandler went into the bathroom, holding a still crying Emma. "I know, I'm hurrying," he kissed her on top of the head. "Shit," he said once again, realizing that he didn't have any medicine for Emma. He sighed, looking at the clock, deciding that he'd better go find a convenience store that was open at four in the morning.

Going back into the bedroom, he put Emma down, pulling a pair of jeans on over his boxers and grabbing his coat. He put Emma's coat on as well, grabbing his wallet and keys before going out the door.

~*~

Chandler held Emma after she'd finally stopped crying and he'd given her some baby tylenol. "So what do you think, am I doing okay?" he paused, looking down at her. "I don't know why I keep expecting an answer," he felt her forehead. She was still warm, but not as hot as before. Chandler sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back against the headboard. "God, I'm sorry if I screw up, you guys," he whispered out loud before turning his attention back to Emma, whose eyes were fluttering open and shut, as if she was fighting sleep. He leaned down and kissed her forehead before leaning back against the headboard again, giving in to sleep as well.

~Two years later~

"Okay, Emma, you just walk down the aisle now, okay?" Emma shook her head. Phoebe and Joey were getting married, and Emma was the flower girl. They were trying to get her to walk down the aisle at the rehearsal, but she was refusing to.

"Please?" Phoebe crouched down next to her, but she shook her head again. Phoebe stood back up. "Chandler?" she said, motioning him to come over to them.

"She won't go down the aisle," they explained to him after he'd gotten over to them.

Chandler crouched down next to Emma. "Hey, what's wrong?" he asked softly, but she just shook her head. "Can you walk down the aisle for Aunt Phoebe?" she shook her head again. "Um, can you walk down the aisle for me?" she shook her head once again. "Can you talk?" she shook her head once more, and he just laughed. "Um, tell you what. I'm gonna go stand down there," he motioned to the front of the church. "Can you just come to me?" she paused for a second before nodding. "Okay," he kissed her forehead before standing up. When he was halfway down the aisle, she ran after him. "Not yet, baby," he laughed, picking her up and carrying her back. "Wait till she tells you to go, okay?"

"Ohtay," she nodded.

"Okay," he smiled before turning to go back again.

~*~

"Hey, you," Phoebe sat down beside Chandler at the reception.

"Hey," he smiled in return.

"Dance with me," she grabbed him by the arm.

"Phoebs…"

"C'mon, Bing, it's my wedding day. Dance with me," she pulled him onto the dance floor.

"Fine," he sighed, reluctantly dancing with her.

"You okay?"

"Yep, great," he smiled.

"Chandler," she looked at him, and his smiled faded.

"It's just…" he started, but trailed off. "It's just…harder when you're happy, ya know?" he paused, laughing at himself. "Yeah, because that makes so much sense. It's harder when you're happy…" he sighed, taking his left hand from her, holding it up.

"What?"

Chandler sighed, dropping his hand. "I still wear my wedding ring," he looked up at her. "It's been over two years, and I still wear my wedding ring."

"So?"

"So…" he sighed in frustration. "So shouldn't I be moving on? I mean, shouldn't I have moved on by now?" Phoebe just looked at him, not knowing what to say to that. "See? I should have."

"No, Chandler, it's just," she paused, not sure exactly how to put it. "It doesn't quite work like that. You never really move on. You just…you learn to live with it. It gets easier…but you never completely move past it."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring you down, too. You're supposed to be happy today," he smiled at her.

"I am happy," she grinned in return. "But you don't think there's five people in the back of my head who I wish could be here?"

"Five?"

"Yeah. My mom, Monica, Ross, Rachel, and Bob," she counted on her fingers.

Chandler just nodded, not about to ask about Bob. He looked up, watching Joey dancing with Emma. He was holding her and dancing, and she was giggling. Joey met his eye, coming over to where they were.

"I'll trade you," he looked at Chandler before grinning at Phoebe.

"Sure," he smiled, taking Emma from Joey, watching as Joey and Phoebe began slow dancing to the song that had just come on. Chandler looked down at Emma, her head resting against his chest, nearly asleep. He sat down, deciding that after that song he'd go tell Phoebe and Joey that they were leaving, but he didn't have the heart to interrupt them while they were still dancing. He remembered that feeling, having the look that both of them had on their faces.

"What you doing?" Emma's voice broke Chandler's thoughts.

"Thinking," he looked down at her.

"'Bout what?"

"About dancing," he replied honestly.

"I wanna dance."

"You wanna dance?" she nodded her head. "Then how 'bout we dance for one song, and then we go home."

"No," she immediately replied, and Chandler laughed. That was her reply to pretty much everything.

He stood up with her still in his arms, and knowing that she was tired, didn't even give it till the end of the song before she'd be asleep.

~*~

Chandler lay Emma down on her bed, trying not to wake her up as he undressed her and put her pajamas on.

"Night, Ems (teacherchez-you said ems in your review and I thought it was cute, hehe)," he whispered, kissing her forehead and covering her up with a blanket. He watched her for a moment before turning the light off, walking out of the room, but leaving the door open behind him.

Chandler headed toward the bathroom, leaving that door open a crack as well. He sighed, looking at his reflection in the mirror. Turning on the faucet, he splashed a stream of cool water over his face, pulling the hand towel down that was hanging next to the sink. Glancing in the mirror as he dried his face off, one thing again caught his eye.

His wedding ring.

Chandler paused, looking at the reflection in the mirror. He set the towel down, looking down at his hand. He twisted the band around his finger a few times, finally slipping it off.

Walking out of the bathroom, he went into his bedroom, sitting down on the bed, still staring at the gold band in his hand. He looked up, sighing as he looked around. He hadn't had the heart to move, so he still lived in the same apartment that he'd shared with Monica. At first, he didn't think that he was strong enough to stay there, to stay where there were so many memories still lingering. But then he'd realized that he wasn't strong enough to leave, strong enough to leave it all behind.

He stared at the ring. He didn't have the heart to leave it all behind.

Finally, he stood up, going over to the dresser, pulling out Monica's jewelry box. He opened the lid, hesitating, not sure whether he could do it or not.

His friends had told him that that's what she would have wanted, for him to move on, to be happy.

Chandler bit his bottom lip, taking a deep breath before finally dropping the ring into the box.

~about three years later~

Chandler stood anxiously with the rest of the kindergartners' parents, waiting to pick them up after their first day of school.

"Chandler?" Chandler turned around, hearing his name.

"Oh my god, Kathy, hi," he smiled at her. "So how've you been?"

"Good, you?"

"Good," he nodded, neither of them really knowing what to say next, and they didn't have to try for long as the kids started coming out.

"Look, it was nice seeing you again. Um, do you want to get together sometime…like, coffee or something…and catch up?"

"That'd be nice," Chandler smiled, genuinely happy to accept her invitation. He'd moved up state a few months earlier and didn't really know that many people, so he was glad for the company of someone who he did know.

"Okay, um," she dug through her purse, pulling out a piece of paper and a pen. "Here's my number."

"Mommy!"

"Hey, Lauren. How was your first day of school," she smiled at her daughter, who had come running over.

"Good."

"What'd you do?" she asked, waving at Chandler as they walked away.

Chandler waved back before looking back to the doors, waiting for Emma. She walked out the door, looking around, smiling when she saw him.

"Hey, baby, how was your day?" he smiled at her as she walked over to him.

"Good," she smiled back.

"What'd you do?"

"We got to drawl a picture, and the teacher read us a book, and then we got a snack," she started rambling off the day's events, taking Chandler's hand as they walked to the car.

~*~

"So Lauren's father just…left, and I haven't heard from him since. I think it's actually probably better that way," Kathy finished. "So, um, where's Emma's mom?"

Chandler laughed. "That question opens up a can of worms…"

"I'm sorry, would you rather not talk about it?"

"No," he said hesitantly. "I mean, no, of course not," he paused, trying to decide how to begin. "Well, Emma's actually my niece…"

"So you married Monica," Kathy nodded.

"Surprising?"

"Not at all," she smiled. "But you're…doing okay?" she asked, more seriously.

"Yeah, I guess," he paused, thinking. "I mean, I kind of have to. And it was…almost five years ago," he paused, shaking his head. "God, I can't believe it's been five years. I mean, in a way I can…because it was…hell for the longest time. But someone told me that you don't always move one…but you do keep going. And…you don't exactly take it in stride, but you learn to live with it, to keep going, no matter what you're carrying with you…"

"How long's it been, ten years?"

"How long since what?"

"Since you and me…about ten years?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Chandler Bing, you grew up.

"Yeah, imagine that," he smiled at her.

"And speaking of that…I'm sorry about back then, about…"

Chandler shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I mean, it all seems so, I don't know, almost trivial now, you know?"

Kathy nodded, "Yeah."

"Um, sorry to interrupt, but we're closing," a waitress came over to Kathy and Chandler's table.

"Sorry," they both answered in unison.

"No problem," the girl smiled at them before walking away to clear off another table.

"This was…fun," Chandler said as they walked out to their cars.

"Yeah, it was," Kathy smiled, stopping when they got to her car.

"We should do it again sometime."

"Yeah," she looked up at him. "Call me," she gave him a quick kiss on the lips, barely longer than would be considered friendly, before getting into her car. "Bye, Chandler."

Chandler stared after her. "Bye," he watched as she drove off, waving at her before walking to his own car, her kiss still lingering on his lips.

~*~

"Was she good?" Chandler asked the babysitter as he took his wallet out.

"Yeah, she went right to bed and everything."

"Good," he smiled at her before handing her the money. "Thanks, Kristin."

"Any time," she smiled back. "Bye."

"Bye," he replied as she left.

Chandler smiled; it'd been a long time since he'd felt even close to this happy. It's been a long time since he'd felt…anything for anyone. Phoebe and Joey, and even a few of his friends from work had tried to set him up with people in the past few years, but they didn't work out. And truthfully, he hadn't been ready for them to work out; he hadn't wanted them to.

Chandler sighed. He still wanted to feel guilty. And it still did hurt.

Glancing up at the clock, he realized that it was later than he'd thought. He and Kathy had talked for hours, for much longer than he'd intended on. He decided just to go to bed, the night's event's playing hi his mind. Chandler checked on Emma before going into his room and going to bed. Be he still couldn't sleep. His mind was racing, wondering what had just happened.

Emma came in, nearly in tears, interrupting his thoughts.

"What's wrong, Ems?"

"I had a bad dream," she said, running over and climbing into bed next to him.

"It's okay, it was just a dream," he said softly, wiping her tears away.

When she had been quiet for a while, he assumed that she was asleep, and reached to turn the lamp off.

"Do you love me?" Emma asked, and Chandler smiled. He wasn't sure what had started her insecurity or what had made her start asking that, but she'd ask that every night. Even if he had said that he loved her two seconds earlier, she would still ask every night. And he would always give her the same answer.

Chandler leaned down, kissing her forehead. "Always and forever."

To

Be

Continued…

Okay, that was so incredibly long, I'm so proud of me…and I know it covered a lot of time, but I'm just trying to fast forward and wanted to show a few things before I get to where I'm going…so this was kind of a filler chapter. Oh, and I am working on the next part of Butterfly Kisses, I really am, and if anyone would like to do my precalc homework, read Huck Finn, and do my two chem projects I'll probably have it done in, like, a day. No takers? No? Okay, well I really am working on it, and I'm working on the next part of this, too. But for now, please review : )