Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon though I wish I do ^^ The fic called 'And I forgot To Tell You I love You' by Procurerfaith inspired me to write this fic but the story line is original (=^^=) Read and Enjoy!

Loving Hikari Chapter 1 If Only You Knew.

Yagami Hikari gazed out of the window of her room. Sixteen years she had been living in this world but only known Ishida Yamato for eight years. He had been so nice to her and had been so understanding it seemed like only him could understand the pain that she was going through. By just looking at her face, he knew what was wrong. Maybe it was because he underwent the same thing she went through. The news of his sudden suicide still rang in her ears.

Kari felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. All of the digi-destined was shocked and stunned when they heard the news from a very upset T.K. Being T.K's girlfriend she had comforted him and consoled him. No one knew why Matt had decided suicide was the answer to his problems, only Kari knew this. She didn't let anyone know about this, not even T.K and Taichi. Many people guessed why he did this, but none of the came close to the truth. Not one! In factual, the truth hurt, the truth hurt so much. It hurts so much that Kari would just stare off into space one day and didn't realize the tears that had built up in her eyes.

Kari tried with all her might not to think about Matt's suicide especially in front of T.K but it was just impossible! Everyone looked at her sadly, they all wanted to move on but every time they saw Kari cry, it brought all of them back to Matt's death. Taichi had once snapped at her and told her to move on, but she couldn't and Taichi wouldn't either if he knew the truth. But no one was allowed to know what the truth was because it would hurt all of them, especially Takeru, Taichi and Sora. It would hurt them so much that they would fall to the state that Kari was in. Thankfully, Kari was recovering from the shock. She started to go on dates with T.K again.

To see T.K smile was what mattered to Kari now, his happiness was what mattered to her the most. After all that T.K had went through, his parents divorce and now his bigger brother's sudden and tragic suicide, all he need was one last straw before all of his hopes and dreams were destroyed and it would kill Kari to see this happen. So Kari decided to do anything in her power to make him happy and full of life. Though the only thing that could make him back to his old cheerful self was too bring back the dead but she knew this was impossible unless they were living in a world of fantasy, like one of the animes that she watched on TV; Dragon Ball.

T.K looked up so much to his big brother and everyone thought that he was, out of all people, the one who knew Matt so well. But this was wrong, T.K didn't know his brother, apart from the fact that he loved music and that he liked to be alone. That was all. Nothing more. But.there were so much more. A lot more. A lot more than anyone could imagine.

It felt so . so different when the whole gang went out, it felt as if something was missing; something that was so important had disappeared. The Bearer of Friendship had left the world and everyone had a trouble time to get through their days. There would be just this cold atmosphere whenever Matt was mentioned. Everyone pretended as if they have gotten over the shock but this was a downright lie. No one could ever get over Matt's death. If only Kari knew what he would have done, she would have stopped him and save the trouble of everyone mourning. But what was done was done. She couldn't do anything about it anymore. There was only one option, get on with her life. But still, Kari would always go over these thoughts; what if? If I could just. ..

"I'm home!" Taichi called out.

"Hi onni-chan! Erm- lunch is on the table." Said a startled Kari as she quickly wiped her tears off. She knew that Taichi would snap at her again for thinking about Matt's death again.

It had been almost three months since his suicide, so it was still pretty recent. But life had gone back to normal, though everyone still cry inside. Kari walked out of the room and tried to act all happy for Taichi. Usually, Tai could have spotted the act but now, since Matt's death, everyone had been blinded, they all just see what they wanted to see.

"Argh! Who cooked this Kari? This taste likes.argh! Even words can't describe it!" Tai remarked.

"Mum." Kari simply replied.

"Ow, is she home.?" Tai asked as he forced another spoonful of the.food, whatever it was.

"No, she's going to be late, remember?" Kari answered.

Taichi nodded and suddenly ran to the sink, he spat out what he had been munching. Kari looked at him disgustedly. Tai, being three years older than Kari, still had that childish sweetness in him. Some things would never change.

"Don't do that too often Tai, you might become anorexic, funny though, it's usually guys who says this to girls, not girls saying this to guys." Kari said out loud.

"Haha Kari, it's not funny." He said as he wiped his mouth.

Kari giggled softly. Tai looked at her with so much brotherly love. He gave her a very soft and gentle smile. He walked over slowly to the table and sat down on his seat. He gave in a sigh and looked at Kari seriously.

Kari felt herself tensed up. Taichi had never looked at her this seriously. What was wrong now? Could there be anymore accidents? Oh please God no...

"What onni-chan? You know it's not very polite to stare at someone like that." Kari said.

Tai shook his head, his wild hazelnut hair moved from side to side. "Sorry, sorry.I just didn't realize how red your eyes are, you got mum's ruby red eyes, ne Kari?"

Kari looked at him, surprised. Where was this getting at?

"Come of it Tai, what is it that you really want to say? I know it has nothing to do with my eyes!"

Tai shifted in his seat nervously, he looked down at the table and then looked back up again.

"I plan to move out." he said.

"What??!!" Kari yelled as she leaped up from her seat. "You.you plan to move out?! Why?! You said you wouldn't move out until you get married! You promised!"

Tai too got up. "I'm sorry Kari, but my thoughts changed, it's about time I move out, I can't just depend on Mum and Dad all the time, it's not fair for them, I'm old enough to move out, I already work so the rent won't be a problem." He reasoned.

Kari shook her head from side to side. "No.no." She objected. "You promised Tai!! What made you change your mind? Huh? Tell me!!"

Tai shifted his eyes then turned away. There was no doubt about it, Kari knew why. This was always the problem.

"It was Sora wasn't it? It was her wasn't it? Always her! It's always her! Only her opinion matters! Only what she thinks counts! Well what about what I think?? Why don't you start to listen to me? Just because she's your girlfriend doesn't mean she has to control your life!" Kari raged out.

"Look what is it that you have against her? Every time something goes wrong you always blame her! Why her? What has she done?" Tai asked.

"That's besides the point Tai but I'm right, aren't I? It was her idea right?"

"So what if it was her idea? The important thing is that-," Tai was cut short by Kari's tantrum.

'ALWAYS HER! SHE HAS TO BE THE CAUSE OF EVERYTHING! DAMN HER! DAMN HER AND -,"

Slap! Slap!

Kari rubbed her cheeks that had turned a nasty shade of red. She looked at Tai, tears swelling up in her eyes. She was astounded. Tai had never ever hit her! This was the first time!

"Kar.Kari.I'm, I'm sorry.I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit.I didn't mean to hit you." Tai stuttered but Kari wasn't interested in listening to excuses.

In her mind was Sora, stupid Sora. The cause of everything! What was with the rubbish of her being the Bearer of the Crest of Love? She could commit suicide for all she cared! In her mind, Kari was cursing Sora so bad. Tears gushed down her cheeks. All she wanted was to keep her family together, all she wanted was Tai to stay until he marries somebody, was this request so much to ask for? Or did Sora have to destroy everyone and everything?

Tai took a step towards Kari and tried to hug her but she backed away. He was really sorry, he really was. But it was very mean of Kari to talk about Sora like that. He loved Sora, a lot. Kari just had to get used to the idea of him dating her. He had thought that Kari would be thrilled at the prospect of him dating Sora but something happened, Kari now loathed the sight of this lady that only wanted to give love. Why Kari? Why? You used to adore Sora! You used to give her so much respect! What happened?

"Kari.Gomene Kari, I didn't mean it, but I don't like the way how you talked about Sora, she haven't done anything wrong, you know how much I love her." Tai said softly. He attempted to hug Kari again, but again, Kari backed away.

"Don't love her!"

"Why do you have to hate her so much? What happened to that sweet little Kari that used to adore her? That used to look at her with so admiration? What happened Kari? what happened?"

Kari blocked her ears with her hands. "Stop! Stop! I don't want to hear it!" She cried.

"Kari.you know that deep down you love her like a big sister, what's wrong Kari? You know she's never been anything but nice to you, what's wrong Kari? What happened to you? Where did my little sister Kari gone?"

Kari couldn't take it anymore. "WELL SHE DIED ALONG WITH YAMATO-SAN AND SORA WAS PARTLY TO BLAME FOR IT!" she yelled out, but she wished she hadn't. She covered her mouth with her hands.

Taichi flinched at this. He looked at her, his mouth agape. "What.what did you say?"

Kari ran up to Tai and fell into his embrace. "Onni-chan, tell me I don't look like Sora.tell me that I don't, tell me that I don't remind you of Sora, please don't."

For a few seconds Taichi was speechless, what was going on?

"Kari, to be honest, you do look like her, the colour of your hair, the way your eyebrows twitches when you're trying to think, the way you look at someone you love and the way you break down into hysterics."

Kari closed her eyes shut and shook her head from side to side; more tears came out from the eyes that she just shut.

This can't be right, she said in her mind. I don't look like her, nothing like her, we are nothing alike, not the slightest the same. Tai was lying! He was trying to mock her! Tai you're mean! You're mean! I am not Sora, I am nothing like her!

Kari beat Tai with her fists then she dropped to the floor. Her legs curled up with her hands on them. Her shoulders heaved up and down. The tears continued to flow, it couldn't stop.

"It's not true! You know it's not true! I'm not like her! I'm not! Oh I'm not!" Kari cried out.

Tai was taken aback. Sora was nothing but perfect in his eyes! And Kari knew that, to receive a compliment from him about being like Sora meant along the lines of, you're perfect! Why did Kari found this very offensive? Tai could remember very well when Kari was smaller, she would play charades with him and she would do all these perfect things, when he failed to answer she would squealed out 'I'm Sora! I was pretending to be Sora!" What happened to the sweet innocent girl that Kari was once was?

Tai kneeled down and placed his hand behind Kari's head, he pulled he to him. Kari's forehead was on his shoulder. "Kari.Kari.you're being her right now, this is how she would break down." he said softly.

Kari pulled back straight after this, she looked as if someone just slapped her on the face. Within a second her hand had flown up and slapped Tai's face across the cheek.

"I'm not like her, I'm not like her! You know I'm not!" Kari screamed to him while he clutched his cheek.

Kari got up and ran out of the apartment. Taichi was too stunned to call out to her. Something had troubled Kari, really bad. Once Tai got his self together again, he ran out and looked over the railings. Kari was nowhere to be seen. Where had she gone? His eyes darted here and there but he couldn't see any trace of Kari.

Taichi groaned. Some people walked past behind him at the same time he said something so foul! They turned to look at him and frowned at him. He mumbled sorry to them and then went back inside the apartment. What would his mum say if Kari was not home? Best to call T.K, maybe she decided to go over his place instead.

~*Kari*~

Kari could still feel the unstoppable tears wetting her cheeks. She was not like Sora, she was not! Kari continued to run and didn't know where she was heading. Without knowing it she was in front of Odaiba's Cemetery. She stifled down her sobs, though her shoulders were still heaving. She fought with herself whether she should go in and visit Matt's grave or whether she should just leave. At the end of the debate, she decided to go to Matt's grave, she was already there anyway, nothing to loose.

She sauntered slowly to Matt's grave. It was a hard, grey stone that was bigger than most of the others within view. On it were: R.I.P Ishida Yamato 1983 to 2002 Everyone loved his music and his devotion to Friendship.

Kari kneeled down helplessly in front of it. The tears continued to flow down and down. His death had been so tragic and so sudden, so much unexpected. Even her, didn't see it coming and she knew him well. She knew him better than T.K or his parents. No one guessed this, but out of all people, she was the one who knew him the best. They both went through the same thing and both had suffered the cruelty of the world. Kari thought that Ken was probably also going through the same thing and maybe both of them would end up like Matt. But she refused to end up like Matt. Matt wasn't thinking when he committed suicide; he was very selfish in doing so. But then again, Matt was so fragile and so vulnerable. Like T.K but much more. Kari even considered herself being fragile and vulnerable but she was made up of more than Matt, only for emotional problems. She sometimes was angry at Matt at night times for killing himself. He was stronger than her! She knew it! But he gave up! He gave up! Gave up everything that he had built for himself! If he gave up, did she stand a chance of surviving herself?

"Matt." She said softly. "Why did you decide to take suicide as a solution? Why did you.why did you have to destroy everyone's life? Was it because.of her? Or him? Or.the other reason? I wish you were here to tell me! You're stupid! I hate you! I hate you for doing this to everyone! To T.K and Tai especially!! How could you just acted without thinking the consequences? You know how much T.K looked up to you and I thought you priced your friendship with Tai more than anything else! But.was it, was it because of.?"

Kari couldn't go on. She couldn't bear to say it, it hurt so much! Even if Sora was partly to blame it still hurt! More than anyone could ever imagine. Kari got lost in one of her thoughts again. What if.? If I did this.? Could things have been different? Maybe it would have but more problems would come their way, to the whole gang. She couldn't let this happen and she had to keep everything a secret. Everything would turn upside down if she doesn't; her world, Tai's world, T.K's world, Sora's world, Mimi's world and everyone else's.

Kari breathed in deep sigh. She looked away from the gravestone and looked at the other ones around her. How many of them died because of what Matt went through? How many of them died of suicide? How many of their friends or relatives would die after they realized that they were also going through the same thing? Kari slowly got up, brushed her long, hazelnut hair away from her face. She said a little pray then she started to leave. The wind blew and the leaves rustled as she stepped out of the cemetery, sending her a chilling sensation. Kari turned back once more, she could outline Matt's gravestone from where she was standing.

May you rest in peace, Matt....she silently said. You were such a better brother than Tai to me, maybe because Tai have no idea what I'm going through and still don't, even if tell him, he will think it is some kind of a lame joke. Little did he know that it was because of this, you committed suicide and also because.of other reasons that I cannot bear to think of.

More tears came after this. She wiped them off and turned around. She walked away from the cemetery with disturbing thoughts in her mind. She found her way back to the apartment. She looked up at the tall, crowded building. She grew up in this neighbourhood, so many histories she had there. Where she learned to walk and where she learned to talk. The one place she would never forget. Kari's gaze darted to the building beside it. That was where Matt grew up, where T.K and Matt had some happiness before the divorce. But all of that was no more. Now that would always be a memory and Matt wont ever be there. There wouldn't be Yamato looking out from the balcony, no more seeing him through the window. There won't ever be anymore jokes between Yamato and Taichi, they won't be yelling at each other through the window anymore. Everything had gone!

As these thoughts were swimming in her mind, she didn't realize that there was a boy panting out of breath behind her. Kari didn't even hear her name being called out. It was after the boy grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him that she noticed him. Kari turned her head to see the boy that had grabbed her.

"Takeru-san." Kari said softly.

The golden, haired boy held her tighter to him, his forehead resting on her shoulders. His blue eyes were closed. His white, round hat was on the ground a few feet away from them. His breathing calmed down, his eyes opened but still kept on holding Kari.

Kari placed her hand on top of T.K's hand.

"What's wrong T.K?" She asked.

It took a few seconds before T.K answered her question. "Where did you go? Tai called me and said you ran out of the apartment after you had an argument with him.Did you know how worried I was? Kari, I was scared, I was scared that you would leave me just like Matt and Dad did and I was so afraid that you would do what Matt had done.Kari, I love you so much and I don't ever want to loose you."

Kari turned around to face him. His blue eyes pleaded her not to do this again, his blue eyes told her how much he loved her and that she was the last person that he could trust. He looked so much like a helpless boy of five. Kari went up to his embrace and felt T.K kissing her hair.

"Gomen, Takeru.Gomene. I promise I won't do it again, I just needed sometime alone, I don't want Tai to move out, I'm just like you T.K, I don't want to be alone and helpless, I want my family to stay together and I feared that if Tai leave something bad will happen."

It was on the tip of Kari's tongue to say that Sora would make sure of that but she stopped herself in time.

"I know Kari, I know.but look, you can always visit him from time to time, and he will visit as well, my parents had a divorce because they didn't get along and had lost the spark of love that they used to have with each other, but.your parents hasn't and trust me, your family will stay together."

"How.how do you know for sure.? Are you on Tai's side T.K? Are you?" Kari asked.

"I'm not on anyone's side, I'm just telling you my opinion, if Tai wants to move out then let him, it's his choice Kari, it will be his life and not yours, people come and go in your life but Tai will stay in your life Kari.he will always be here when you need him." T.K answered.

Before Kari could answer, a tender voice called out both of their name from Kari's back. Kari turned around and T.K looked onwards. A lady with russet short hair and russet coloured eyes walked up to them. She wore a white flared knee-length skirt and a red v-neck top.

Kari's eyes burned with hatred and anger that was so obvious to see but the lady ignored it.

"Hi.Sora." T.K said.

"Hello T.K and hi Kari."

Kari looked away instead of replying. Sora looked hurt.

"Kari.I want to talk to you." She said softly.

"There's nothing to talk about!" Kari retorted.

"Sure there is," Sora answered back ignoring the tone that Kari had used. "Your brother told me about the argument you had with him and I can't help but to feel a little guilty for it."

Kari snorted. "A little bit? Not good enough."

"Kari!" T.K exclaimed. "It's not nice to talk to Sora like that, she's older than us and not only that, she is very nice. You told me before it was like having a big sister that you never had, to be honest that's how I feel about her too! Don't you think it's wise to talk to her?"

Kari's head shot up in T.K's direction. No she wasn't the one that was going to leave him; he would be the one who would leave her. Did she make the right choice before?

"Fine T.K! Choose her side! I don't care anymore!" Kari said as she stormed away up to her apartment.

"Kari!" T.K called out and started to run after her. "Wait!"

Sore quickly grabbed T.K's hand and held it firmly.

"What are you doing?" T.K asked angrily as he shook his hand free from her.

"Don't follow her, Tai is up there, they would have a little discussion together." she said.

T.K gazed at her then looked at the apartment. Kari just reached her level and now was standing in front of her door. She turned and took one last angry look at them then walked in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Willis: Aloha! Be nice to Rach- woops I mean CherryBlossom and review this chapter. Look it's not so hard, press the review button.I let you in a little secret, once you've pushed the button, whatever you wish will come true!! Go on then!