Needs

I just need this to be alright
I can't feel this another night
I can't take this I come unglued
I might break down in front of you

-Staind
"Pressure"

RAPHAEL:

I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling. It was three in the morning. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. It seemed I was doing a lot of that lately. I closed my eyes. I hadn't even seen Kat in three days. She didn't call, didn't seem to care in the least. I'd spent most of that time locked in my room, avoiding conversation. I knew where it would lead: lying, anger, and frustration. And then what?

I was still in shock and horror at my own actions. I hadn't meant for that to happen. And I still wasn't sure why it had. No, Raph, you know why. And you know how. You just don't know what the hell you're going to do about it.

Yeah, I knew why. Because I was an asshole, and she was beautiful, and I was quickly approaching the level of "desperate". And it didn't take a whole lot to turn me on at this point. I groaned as I turned my face into the pillow. That didn't make it right. There was no fucking excuse!

I considered the emotions raging through me and glanced at the phone on the bedside table. You should call her. I glanced at the clock. 3:07. She was probably too busy to talk. That doesn't matter. You should still call.

I debated for a few minutes, then finally reached for the phone. I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "News Channel Three, this is Angela."

"Hey, is Kat there?"

"Uh... I think she's in the control room right now. Can I tell her who this is?"

"Raphael."

"Alright, I'll go see if I can find her."

The phone went silent as I was put on hold. I was half expecting her to get angry at me for calling and interrupting her. I stood up and stretched, then headed for the door. I needed a drink. Finally, the phone was answered. "Hey, Raph, what's up?" Kat asked. She sounded exhausted.

"Heya, babe," I answered. "Can you talk?"

She sighed. "Yeah, I actually kind of need a break."

"Long night?"

"You have no idea."

The living room was empty and silent. Hearing her voice was already making this loneliness harder. "When will you be home?"

She sighed deeply. "I don't know, Raphael," she answered quietly.

"Guess then. Give me a time, even if you don't stick to it."

I reached the kitchen and opened the fridge, my hand falling to a bottle of beer. "Tomorrow morning?" she tried. I could tell she didn't really believe her own words. "I'll be home when I get off work so I can sleep for a few hours. But I have a class at noon."

I cringed as I closed the door again and walked back into the living room. "You're gonna be exhausted."

"Yes."

Desperation washed over me as I sat down on the edge of the couch. I was suddenly disinterested in the beer. It wasn't what I really wanted anyway. "Katarina, I miss you so much," I whispered.

"I know," she sighed. Her voice sounded cold and disinterested. "But there's nothing I can do right now."

"Come home," I pleaded.

"Raph, I can't just walk out of work in the middle of my shift," she said quietly.

"Tell them your sick. Or I'm sick. Tell them I'm dying and in the hospital, shit, I don't care!"

She sighed. "I can't do that."

I hung my head and remained quiet for a minute. "And I have a huge test tomorrow, so don't ask me to skip school," she continued. "If I'm not there for that test..."

"Screw your test, Kat," I interrupted. A feeling nearing panic was quickly sweeping over me. "I need you."

"I can't do that, Raph. This test counts for a third of my grade."

I calmed my voice, but I couldn't calm the feelings raging inside of me. "Kat, please. I have to talk to you."

"Raphael, please don't start this." She sounded annoyed.

"Start what, Katarina? I'm not trying to..."

"You're frustrated because we haven't had sex in two weeks, right or wrong?"

I considered that. It was true, but it was not why I needed to see her. "It's not just that, Kiara."

"What, then?" she shot at me. "And don't call me that."

Anger stung at the backs of my eyes and I bit back the urge to snap back at her. I didn't call her by her real name often. Normally, it was a way of saying "I'm very serious about this."

"Fine," I answered, struggling to remain calm. "Whatever. You know what? I don't want to argue with you. I will say anything you want me to say and I will do anything you want me to do. Just please..." I was begging her, I realized. Actually begging. Dammit, Kat, why do you make me do this? "I need to see you."

"Raph, you're being childish."

Her cold words did nothing to ease the fury that was quickly growing in my chest. "Katarina, I have to talk to you," I informed her harshly. "And it's important. I've danced around your prior commitments for months now and this time it's..."

"What do you want from me, Raphael?" she shot back, cutting me off. "We both knew it would be hard if I went back to school and you still encouraged me to do it."

"I didn't know I would never see you again!" I cried.

"You're so dramatic." She was patronizing me. God, I hated that. It was the one thing I really hated when I talked to people, and she knew it.

"Kat, you don't understand," I growled. "I have to talk to you."

"So talk," she shot at me.

The anger faded into a mix of sadness and despair as I remembered what it was I had to tell her. "I... Kat, it's not something I can talk about over the phone."

"Well, it can't be that important then."

I was too emotionally exhausted to allow the anger to well up again. "No, Kat, trust me," I mumbled. "You don't want me to tell you this over the phone. You need to come home."

"Raph, I can't."

Her voice was so cold and determined. I hung my head and breathed deep, feeling tears sting the backs of my eyes. "Katarina, please," I whispered, afraid my voice might crack if I spoke any louder. "You don't understand. I need you."

"Raph..." she warned.

"I am begging you, Kat, please!"

She was silent for a moment. Finally, I heard her sigh. "I have to go, Raph."

"I have to tell you..."

But she wasn't listening anymore. "Good-bye."

I whispered her name once more as the phone went dead. For a long time, I just sat there, listening to the silence, then the dial tone. Then, finally, I hung up. Alone and confused, I wasn't sure what to feel. I wanted to tell her. I wanted so badly to confess everything, but she wouldn't let me.

"Raphael?"

The quiet voice cut through the stillness and I hid my face in my hands. "Go away, Sasha," I pleaded.

"She did it again, didn't she?" she whispered.

"Please leave."

She didn't leave. She sat down a few feet away from me on the couch. "I'm so sorry, Raph," she whispered, running her hand lightly over my arm.

Please, please, go away! Not while I feel like this!

"I don't understand how she could treat you like this," she whispered. "She has to know how hard it is."

"Please go back to bed, Sasha," I pleaded. I knew I was weak. I knew there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. "Please..."

SASHA:

I remained quiet for a moment, gently stroking his arm. "Have you ever considered that she might have another boyfriend?" I asked. "At school or at work?"

"Yes," he admitted. "But I don't think she does. She's just busy."

"Well, she's obviously not nearly as desperate as you are. Perhaps she's not too busy to do it in a bathroom stall somewhere."

He cringed. I could tell he'd thought of that, too. "Sasha, please," he begged.

"She doesn't love you Raphael."

"You're wrong." He was grasping now. I could hear the desperation in his voice.

"How could she love you and put you through this?"

He shook his head, his eyes fixed on the floor. "No."

"She would make time for you, Raph. If she loved you, she would make time."

"Sasha, you're wrong."

"I'm not wrong, Raphael," I whispered. "And you know it."

He was silent. I moved closer to him and slipped my fingers into his. His hand remained limp, but he didn't pull away. He was close to that breaking point. "Let me satisfy you Raph... Let me make you feel good again."

"Sasha..." he warned.

"Just one night," I whispered. "Just to ease that burning need."

"Sasha, please don't do this."

I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. "I know you're strong, Raphael. You must be, to have gone his long. But even you have needs." He didn't argue that. I kissed his neck, running my hand lightly down the front of his body. He didn't pull away. "Let me take care of your needs, Raphael."

"No, Sasha."

He was close. Pleading with me. He was so close to breaking down. "It doesn't have to mean anything," I whispered. "And nobody has to know."

"I'll know."

"What difference does it make if it doesn't mean anything?"

"I don't love you Sasha."

"You never did," I reminded him. "What does that have to do with anything?"

He didn't have an answer for that. "Love has nothing to do with our relationship," I continued. "It never did. Just needs." I ran my tongue along his skin. "Let me take care of your needs."

He was breathing hard. He stopped trying to hide it. I moved over him, straddling his legs and held his face as I kissed him. As he pulled away, his head came to rest on my shoulder. I could feel his warm breath on my neck and his muscles relaxed under my touch. Finally, and of his own accord, he kissed the side of my neck. I moaned slightly as his hand raised to my side and ran up the inside of my shirt. I wasn't wearing a bra, and his hand found my breast as he reached behind me and pulled me to him...

LEONARDO:

I knew from the moment I opened my eyes that something was terribly wrong. I could feel it in the air, though I couldn't explain how. I sat up slowly and glanced at the clock. It was morning, and I'd overslept. But that wasn't the problem. The problem was much more serious than that. It was burning in my chest, insistent on having my immediate attention.

I yawned as I swung my legs over the side of the bed, trying to wake up. What day was it? Tuesday, I guessed. Not that it made much difference. I stood to my feet and stretched, the nagging feeling still tugging at me. What was it? Where was it? I left my room and wandered through the living room. The eerie feeling hit me like a blast of cold air. I froze, shocked. Danger? No, it wasn't danger. It was something else... Something...

An unopened bottle of beer was on the coffee table. All bedroom doors were closed. No sound came from any of them. I concentrated for a moment, wondering how easily I could force the feeling out into the open. It seemed like it would be easy, with how strong it was. But I couldn't determine anything. Disinterested in food or activity, I walked back into my room and closed the door behind me. Secluded, I sat down on the floor, legs crossed.

I breathed deep for a few moments, closing my eyes and trying to clear my mind. The feeling pressed in on me. What feeling? It was remarkably like the feeling of danger that I felt when an enemy was nearby. But it wasn't danger. It wasn't threatening. Not me, at least. Who?

I heard my breathing, steady and slow, and allowed the blackness to form into a vision. There was nothing, except a strange feeling. What feeling? Raphael. It was Raph. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. It had been building for days, and I'd felt it then. But now, something had happened. A line had been crossed and that feeling of impending doom had turned I into a full-blown battle.

I reached through the layers of confusion to the heart of the problem and gasped involuntarily at the sudden surge of emotion. Overwhelmed and shocked, my concentration was broken. My eyes flashed open. For a moment, I felt nothing. Then, the quiet stirring. I saw the shadows outlining the furniture in my room as I evaluated what had just happened. What the hell was that? Okay, focus. Relax. Clear your mind. And be prepared this time!

I breathed in, closed my eyes, and relaxed. Blackness. Through the stillness, I felt the emotion building. Instinct screamed at me to attack the feeling full-force, but my training kept me from acting out. I knew patience was the only way I would get anywhere. So I waited, patiently, feeling my way through the darkness, until the door opened again. This time, I'd made a conscious decision not to be surprised. But the feelings were overwhelming. I felt my breath catch.

Desperation. Shock. Fear. Anger. Regret. Confusion. Panic. Sadness. Dishonor. Need. Worry. Pain. Frustration. Desire. Rejection. Jealousy. Apathy. Hate. Shame. Lust. Anxiety. Loneliness. Emptiness. Terror. Denial. Suspicion. Depression.

Oh, God, Raph, what did you do?