Of Mushrooms and Balrogs

Acknowledgements: Mostly I would like to thank my beta, Kementari, for her assistance in content and grammar. I would also like to apologize to several of my friends since I spent many hours shoving this thing down their throats in an effort to get their opinions on it.

Warning: I'm not Tolkien and I don't own any of the characters. I'm sure that you're pretty used to this spiel by now, right?

Chapter 1: The Search for Mushrooms and Slumber

 SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1"Psst! Merry, wake up."

Just pretend that you're asleep and he'll go away.

"Merry!" The whispering became more urgent and two hands began shaking his shoulders.

Don't react... need sleep...

"I know you're awake, Merry." The voice whispered next to his ear. "Your face is twitching."

With a nearly inaudible grumble, Merry opened his eyes and blinked. The fire had died down to mere embers and the twilight had been replaced by complete and utter darkness. The only light came from a small lantern held in the grimy hand of Peregrin Took.

"Pip- PIN!" Merry growled, wiping the sleep from his eyes. "It's been a long, long day. And tomorrow will be a long, long day. And the next day and the next and the next. In those many hours," he held up his hand to silence Pippin's expected interruption. "I'm sure that we'll find plenty of time to make all the mischief in the world. So why don't you let me sleep?"

The other Hobbit chuckled. "I'm not out for mischief, Merry. I'm out for grub and I'll wager that you might be feeling a mite peckish yourself." Even in his half-asleep state, Merry's eyes widened in response.

"You said it!" Pippin's pleased face suddenly clenched up in a wince at the volume of his friend's voice. "Sorry," Merry whispered sheepishly. It would not do to speak so loudly when there was at least one being with extremely long-range hearing about, mainly Legolas. But a quick glance around proved that the Elf wasn't in sight. "I've been wondering how these Men grew to be so tall when they eat so little!"

"True. How many meals do we get a day? One in the morning and one at night? They don't even have names! How do we know what meal we're eating if we don't know what they're called?"

"Dunno," yawned Merry, drawing his blankets around him to ward off the cold night. "Pip, I don't think that you woke me up to discuss food."

"I didn't. We don't have any food to discuss and that is the reason I woke you up."

"What?"

"You and I are goin' to find something to eat."

"Out there?" Merry gazed off into the endless woods. "It's dark!"

"That's what Strider's light-thingy is for. We'll be able to see anything long before it gets to us."

Merry glanced disdainfully at the small light source. "Sure, we'll be able to see it right before it pounces on us and turns us into Hobbit biscuits. Nothing doing, Pippin. I'm not that hungry."

"I thought that I would never live to the day when Meriadoc Brandybuck refused to accept a challenge. To go places where no Hobbit has gone before."

"I think that my self-preservation reflex kicked in just in time. Now go back to back to sleep already." Merry flopped back down on his makeshift pallet. There was a pause, then another whisper.

"I know where there are mushrooms…"

Sitting bolt upright, Merry turned slowly to his companion. "You do know what's going to happen to you if it turns out you are joking, don't you?"

"Of course. But would I joke of such a thing?" Pippin's large, innocent eyes glowed in the feeble light. "C'mon, Merry. Trust me on this one."

Merry could feel his defenses slowly weakening. He hadn't had a mushroom since the Company had left the Last Homely House in Rivendell.

"You sure you know where they are?"

"Positive."

"How positive?"

"Quite positive."

"Really?"

"I remember the trail back like I remember the back of my own hand." Merry's last misgivings about Pippin's idea popped quietly out of existence.

"Fine," he sighed, clumsily getting up from his pallet. Running his fingers through his curly hair, he stared out into the forbidding woods. "So we, ah, just go out there and get 'em?"

"That's the plan. Now, let's get going and nobody will ever know that we were gone."

**

That's where Pippin was wrong. Unbeknownst to the scavenging Hobbits, someone had been listening into their entire conversation. This someone was currently shifting on a tree branch high above the ground, trying to capture the sleep that had been eluding him for the last week.

Things had not been going well for Legolas Greenleaf and it was all due to the fact that he just could not slip into the Elven world of dreams. Nothing he had attempted seemed to work. He had tried lying on the ground, high up in a tree, and standing up. He had even endeavored to close his eyes in that barbaric way that worked for the Men, Hobbits, and the Dwarf. All that had given him was a headache and a bad case of the shakes.

A week of not sleeping was beginning to take its toll on the Elf, who had been used to at least a regular night's rest. After two days he hadn't been able to retie his braids with his trembling fingers, getting his normally nimble digits painfully knotted in his long hair. After four days he had walked into a tree and had to nurse a bleeding nose for the rest of the day.

But today had been, by far, the worst. While walking on a narrow log bridge over a deep creek, one of the Hobbits had accidentally bumped him. Normally this wouldn't have affected the agile Elf one bit, but in his sleep-deprived state, he had tumbled head-over-heels into the water.

It also hadn't helped that his hair band snapped, letting hair descend in a curtain over his face. At least he hadn't been able to see the rest of the Fellowship laughing at him. Unfortunately, he could hear it. Gimli's booming voice still echoed in his ears.

Ye'd never see a Dwarf take a tumble like that one, eh? Aye, pompous Elves ain't all they're cracked t'be.

"Insipid Dwarf," Legolas murmured to himself, hugging his arms to his sides. "I will show him 'pompous'…"

With a deep sigh, he gazed off into the darkness and shivered. There it was again… the old fear…

A scramble through the fallen leaves on the ground below him shook him out of his reverie. Shifting on his branch, he flipped over so that he was hanging by his knees from the tree limb and listened intently. The sound continued, complete with an intermittent hiss urging something to be quieter.

"Hobbits," the Elf muttered, sighing again. "What are they up to now?" The darkness was so absolute that it was difficult to spot the two renegade Fellowship members, even for eyes such as Legolas's.

Dark. A shiver blasted its way up his spine, loosening his limbs for a second. That quick burst of time was enough to cause his knees to lose their grip on the branch and for Legolas to fall to the ground in a heap.

"Valar…"

**

"Are you sure you know where you're going, Pippin?" Merry asked irritably after stubbing his toe for the fifth time on a tree root.

"Would I ever lead you astray?"

"Don't tempt me to answer that."

"Just let the thought of fresh mushrooms keep you going, Merry." The other Hobbit replied, stopping to check out his surroundings. One glance about proved that it was a futile effort, as all of the forest appeared the same in the dark. "The mushrooms I saw were like no other. At least, I've never seen them at home or around the Shire."

"Are they safe to eat? I thought- ow! PIPPIN! Don't stop without telling me! My head…"

"Sorry."

"You should be." Merry picked himself off the ground, trying to brush away the dirt that was all but invisible on his clothing. "And about those wild mushrooms…"

"Oh please, Merry. There is no such thing as a poisonous mushroom!" The younger Hobbit shuddered at such blasphemy. "No one has ever died from eating a mushroom."

"Perhaps not, but remember Bolo and Barilac?"

Pippin frowned as he continued to search for the darkened path. "Who?"

"Bolo Bumbleroot and Barilac Sandydowns. They had a party and introduced that new mushroom that they found in the forest. Remember? The one with all the colors?" Merry leaned against a tree, massaging his aching toes. "They were the only ones silly enough to eat those things and look how they turned out!"

"Hmmm…" replied Pippin absently. Now where did that path go? Didn't up and run away, did it?

"They started wearing those black rags and that horrid black lip color. And they wouldn't smoke the pipe anymore! Poisonous mushrooms could severely affect our personalities."

"Hmmm."

"You didn't listen to a word I said, did you? You don't even know where you're going!"

"W-what? Of course I know where we're going," squeaked Pippin, finally facing the looming possibility that they were indeed lost.

"No you don't! You led us on a wild goose chase and now look at us! Stranded in the middle of a forest with no idea where we are and not a mushroom to our names!"

"M-merry," Pippin stuttered as he back away slowly, thrusting the lantern out before him to ward of his friend's enraged advance. "Now don't panic."

"Panic? PANIC! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M PANICKING? This isn't PANICKING! This is a step right below PANICKING! You'll see PANICKING in just a moment when I-"

The ground fell away from his feet and the wind swept by his ears as he plummeted downwards.

~TBC~

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter. There's more to come. Please click on that happy little review box if you wish to give comments, criticism, or complaints. Thanks!